Private Practice, Season 2

Naomi:
Your family, whatever that means, if you're single, if you're married, if you have kids, or if you want kids. Your family should be the most important thing, and your family is the most important thing... to us.

Charlotte:
I miss the good old days. When life and death was decided by God instead of doctors.

Violet:
Well, we'd be out of jobs.

Lisa:
[talking about her husband, Brian] He's all I have. Brian, he's all I've ever had. I was shy... before him. I was shy and... Brian sees me. He sees me and he knows me and he loves me. My whole life, I felt like there was this missing piece of me, like I didn't fit, and Brian... he's my missing piece, so before you say no to the surgery, consider... just consider what you're asking of me. You're asking me to make myself less whole, to lose a part of me. He's... my missing piece. My best friend is my missing piece.

Pete:
[explaining a procedure to Jodie, the temp] Actually, the treatment is preformed on the whole body, adapted for the skin sensitivity of each individual, so-

Violet:
[scoffs] This place is bad enough without you trying to sell your magic beans to everyone. I mean, does she really look like she needs help? Does that body need... anything? I mean, does any body really need its fat pulverized into submission?

Pete:
Violet, you know what you are? You are a... a a judger. You're a judgy judger who has no right to judge until she tries it for herself.

Sam:
I did what you asked because I had convinced myself that it was the right thing to do for Kirk. But the truth was, I was protecting the wrong person.

Charlie:
This isn't about protecting me.

Sam:
No, I meant protecting me. I was protecting myself from your threat. And that's not the kind of doctor I am. That's not the kind of doctor that I want to be. You asked me if it was somebody I loved, what I would do, and... it would kill me, Charlie, but I wouldn't want to force someone to live a way that they couldn't live with, because that would be for me and not for them.

Pete:
Do you think I'm old?

Addison:
Tell me you did not sleep with that temp. [laughs] You... you slept with Jodie the temp.

Pete:
Hey, it seemed like a good idea at the time.

Addison:
Yeah, well, at least you're getting out there. Me? Two dates seems to be my limit.

Pete:
The cop?

Addison:
He didn't call after our last date, so I called him, left him a message, a... horrifying, embarrassing message. Probably scared him off. Not that I care. You know, I'm glad to not be talking to him.

Pete:
Well, at least he didn't tell you you were old. Although... she did say that I was great.

[When Kevin visits Addison at the work]

Addison:
Hey, to what do I owe this surprise?

Kevin:
I've got this coming weekend off and I was thinking you, me, Cabo San Lucas, weekend away Pamia, very fancy, perfect clear blue waters. [shows Addison the tickets] We could get away... too much?

Addison:
No... Yes... No... Yes... yes. No here's look here's the thing, we've been out a few times and um it's, it's been great I, I really like you...

Kevin:
Is this where you break up with me?

Addison:
No-- No, it's just um-- I have these rules, while they're stupid rules really but, in the past when I don't have rules it didn't go so well... my my my point is that now that I have my rules I don't wanna break them you know.

Kevin:
Yeah... I have no idea what you're talking about. I wanna know but, um, rules?

Addison:
Sex rules.

Kevin:
Rules about sex?

Addison:
You know a hotel means a room, a room means a bed, a bed means...

Kevin:
You have sex rules.

Addison:
I'm waiting.

Kevin:
Until marriage?

Addison:
No, no, no, no, I just um, until it feels right, until I'm sure.

Kevin:
Okay, so we'll wait. I'm good with waiting. I'm happy with waiting.

Addison:
Really?

Kevin:
No, but I can wait.

[Addison and Kevin lay naked together, eating noodles on the floor]

Addison:
So if I lease the fourth floor, then Sam and Naomi hate me, but if I don't, the Practice may go under.

Kevin:
So you lease it right?

Addison:
You make it sound easy.

Kevin:
I lead guys everyday, leader makes tough decisions, sometimes that means pissing of a friend for the good of the group.

Addison:
I want people to stop being pissed off.

Kevin:
Well, you need to decide who you want to be, a good friend, or a good leader?

Addison:
You're smart, I don't like that.

Kevin:
Yes, you do. [Addison smiles] You want me to eat noodles off your back?

Addison:
Yes, please.

Violet:
[to Charlotte] You're opening a practice here? What about Cooper?

Charlotte:
This has nothing to do with him.

Violet:
He's your boyfriend.

Charlotte:
This is business and Cooper is personal.

Violet:
It's not that simple.

Charlotte:
Maybe not for you, but I am not a therapist. I don't have to talk about my feelings until everyone else's ears bleed.

Addison:
You're living a lie, Daniel. You're cheating on two women and cheating ruins lives.

Daniel:
I'm not the one who ruined lives here today.

Addison:
Cooper, the Internet dater, is in a healthy relationship and my too-good-to-be-true boyfriend thinks I'm a psychotic bunny boiler.

Naomi (to Addison):
Where's the prodigal brother?

Addison:
He's showing Kevin around, hopefully making nice. Apparently Archer didn't appreciate Kevin treating him like a criminal when they first met.

Naomi:
You mean when he broke in like a criminal?

Addison:
Exactly.

Addison:
A polite house guest would've called to say they weren't coming home.

Archer:
Good thing I'm not polite.

Naomi:
Who knew that meaningless sex could be amazing?

Violet:
You had meaningless sex? Congratulations.

Cooper:
Regular normal people are driven to murder every day. Right, love, love will do it every time. Twisted, sick, messed-up love.

Sam:
Cooper, Charlotte King is still alive, right?

Meg:
I don't know you very well, I certainly don't know you well enough to judge you for this. But you don't know Rene very well, yet you were quick to judge her.

Dell:
[sighs] Well... was she raped?

Meg:
Would it matter if she was? Would that make it okay? Does that make her more or less worthy? We don't get to know why. That is her business, that's her choice, Dell. That woman agonized over a difficult choice, made it and came in here. I guarantee you she was already worried about people out there judging her, only to have you make her feel ashamed. But we are medical professionals, it is part of our job to support her once she was made the hardest choice imaginable.

Violet:
I am sex-less. I am without sex. Which can be healthy. Celibacy in some cultures is seen as a sign of strength. So I am strong. I am a strong healthy woman.

Addison:
Hm, I miss sex.

Naomi:
What are you talking about? You've got a gorgeous man sleeping in your bed.

Addison:
Yeah, that's all he is doing in my bed. Doctor's orders.

Naomi:
You have sex on the horizon, which is better than having had amazing sex in your recent past with no visible sign of it happening ever again.

[Charlotte has just taken the pregnancy test and is waiting for the results with Cooper]

Charlotte:
Now, all we have to do is wait.

Cooper:
Come on. Little Walter? [pretends to be holding a baby]

Charlotte:
Are you trying to be funny?

Cooper:
No, that was my grandfather. He was a piano tuner. Maybe he'll play an instrument, maybe the trumpet.

Charlotte:
Please. It'll be a girl. Marjorie.

Cooper:
Your grandmother?

Charlotte:
My horse. Last animal I ever had. I was 15. She broke her ankle and had to shoot her.

Sam:
[to Naomi] You talk about this practice. The way it's supposed to run. The way we're supposed to treat our patients. You talk about not wanting to give up and then you're going to go downstairs to that place to work with that woman who is doing everything possible to undermine us. To work for that man who's more concerned about getting recognized for his work than which patient lives or dies. How is that not selling out?

Violet:
I slept with Pete! [she pauses] There, I told you.

Cooper:
You know, I expected better from you.

Violet:
I'm sorry. It just happened-

Cooper:
You know what? If that's how you want to play it, fine.

Violet:
What are you talking about?

Cooper:
When you're ready to be mature and tell me who you really slept with I'll be around for you, Violet.

Violet:
I'm not lying to you. I really slept with Pete.

Cooper:
Okay. [steps out the door]

Violet:
Where are you going?

Cooper:
I don't want to be late for my date with Angelina Jolie.

Cooper:
Are you still having sex with the same guy? The same guy, huh? Finally going to 'fess up and tell me who?

Violet:
I told you whom it was, and you didn't believe me.

Cooper:
Who it was. And you told me Pete, which is an obfuscation, lying really.

Violet:
It's Pete, Cooper. I'm having sex with Pete. You need me to prove it to you?

Pete:
[to Addison] You want my advice?

Addison:
Please.

Pete:
Ignore all advice.

Cooper:
[to Charlotte] I have a mom who feels like she lost one son to autism and maybe losing another one to the measles and she's got another one sitting out here, exposed, and maybe I'm just not persuasive enough. But he's vulnerable. She's not going to let me do anything about it. So I'm really sorry if I piled on some paperwork for you, but I don't need crap from you, right now.

Violet:
I thought I was okay with it. But I'm not sure if I am okay with it. I'm sleeping with two men. Do I get a lecture now?

Cooper:
Yes. Yes, you do. This is good. This is progress.

Charlotte:
Well, let's see. Duke and Landry are down on bourbon, Momma's taken to her room with the vapors and neither one of them wants any part of making a decision about Big Daddy.

Cooper:
The vapors? You have a medical degree from John Hopkins. You've diagnosed your mother with the vapors?

Violet:
Okay, look, um, Pete, Sheldon, I'm um... I'm sleeping with both of you. I thought it was okay, but it's not. I realize that I, um, you... you can't do that. I can't do that, and, um, and I'm sorry.

Pete:
Who are you? [leaves]

Violet:
He's right. I'm a mess.

Sheldon:
We're all a mess, don't you know that by now? All I know is, I don't mind finding out... who you are.

Charlotte:
[to Cooper] I want to marry you, tomorrow. In Vegas.

Cooper:
Tomorrow? My mother-

Charlotte:
Families complicate things. Family's messy. Let's do this. Marry me, Cooper Freedman.

Violet:
I'm pregnant.

Cooper:
You're pregnant?

Violet:
And I don't know who the father is. Cooper, we are two of the most emotionally stunted people I've ever known. We've never made any progress in our personal life. We don't do personal growth and now, here you are, getting married and I'm pregnant and we're just growing all over the place.

Archer:
[to Addison] This is you. Not mad. Like the time I loaned your cashmere sweater to Crystal McCullen.

Addison:
She puked on it. She puked up strawberry daiquiri all over my sweater.

Cooper:
[to Charlotte] I want you to talk to me. Do you not see that we are a perfect match and you're screwing it up?

Charlotte:
I got embarrassed and humiliated. So don't tell me about screwing things up. You think it's easy for me to look you in the face after I sobbed in your lap like a 12 year old girl, asked you to marry me and got turned down?

Archer:
I'm signing myself out.

Naomi:
What? Against all medical advice?

Archer:
Against your medical advice. Which makes you my doctor, so you have doctor-patient confidentiality.

Naomi:
What, wait, wait. You want me to lie to Addison?

Archer:
Yes.

Violet:
Looks like you're good at your job.

Dell:
Well, I'm not a doctor but, yes, I know a thing or two about pregnant women.

Violet:
Stomach cramps?

Dell:
Aren't about the baby.

Violet:
What are you talking about? I've an alien being growing inside of me.

Derek:
[to Addison] Archer's awake and complaining. Am I right? He ought to be happy he's on five of morphine.

Addison:
He says that his vision is blurry and he would like you to run another CT.

Derek:
No.

Addison:
No?

Derek:
Your brother's an ass. His vision's probably impaired because he can't see past his own ego.

Derek:
Next time I save your life, Archer, a simple thank you would suffice. If you were a neurosurgeon and not just a neurotic, you would know that it is common for a CSP to temporarily fill with fluid, post surgery. Repeat a CT in a month and this will be clear.

Naomi:
What? You mean he's going to be fine?

Derek:
No, he's going to be an ass, like he's always been.

Charlotte:
I get what you're doing for Violet.

Cooper:
Please tell me you're not changing your mind.

Charlotte:
I get that she's your best friend, but there comes a point in time when you can't have a woman be your best friend because there's a more important woman in your life. Or should be. But you and Violet, it's intimate. And she needs you. And, I think, at the end of the day, you need her. I'm outside of it. It's your thing. Your thing with Violet. And you want me to be a part of it, but I don't have it in me to make it work that way. I'm supposed to be your best friend, Cooper.

Archer:
[to Addison] I like women. I like a lot of women. But I am not married to Naomi and she is not the mother of my children.

Addison:
Naomi sat by your side while you had surgery. She held your hand. You're upstairs sticking your tongue down her throat, seeing her every day, letting her believe that you two have something together.

Archer:
Well, I thought I was dying.

Addison:
You are... you are asking me to lie for you. You are making me feel dirty, and cheap, and I'm ten years old again. Telling Mother that I went out for ice cream with Daddy, when really I'm sitting in his office while he's screwing his secretary down the hall.

Charlotte:
I slept with Archer Montgomery. I just thought you should know.

Cooper:
No! No! You don't get to just walk away from me after telling me that. How dare you? How dare you do this?

Charlotte:
It's just the way I am.

Cooper:
Well, that's crap! You did the one thing you could, to push me away, to make me make the choice and not you. Guess what, Charlotte? That's not gonna work. I'm not going anywhere. You want to sleep with some guy to hurt me? To make me back off? Too bad. I'm here. I'm storming the freaking castle for you and you so underestimated me. What, you thought I was so weak that I'm going to walk away because my pride got wounded? You're mine and I'm not walking away because you're scared.

Pete:
We've made a decision.

Violet:
Together?

Sheldon:
Paternity test. Now.

Pete:
One of us gets out of your hair, the other one... has a right to know.

Cooper:
Look guys...

Pete:
Know what, Cooper? You moved in, you pushed us out, you claimed your territory, but one thing is clear. This kid you're talking to, is not your kid, so, stay out of it.

Violet:
Look, Pete...

Sheldon:
The answer is right there for us to know.

Pete:
We know that you don't want to face it, but we do.

Addison:
I wish someone would call another woman's name in bed with me. Hell, I'd even take not knowing who the father of my baby was. Either way, it would mean that I'd had a man on top of me in recent history.

Naomi:
You are know what, that's really sad?

Addison:
I know. The other day, I thought someone was trying to pick me up, and I felt my knees open just a little bit.

Dell:
Um, hey... I... I don't want to spoil the fun, but I've got Betsy with me today, and 'say my name' 'who's my daddy' are a little loud. I don't want to explain what a paternity test is to my six-year-old.

Naomi:
I'm not telling them to shut up.

Addison:
Oh, no, no, me neither.

Cooper:
This bastion of men v men has been expropriated to be taken over by women.

Sam:
You like women, Coop.

Cooper:
Yeah, and you know what? I'm living with one with no sexual benefits, I'm sleeping with one who's way too complicated and the one place where there can just be men; there are women.

Addison:
[to Violet] Where's Katie?

Violet:
She's still in the birthing suite. She needs some space. I'm afraid I'm not going to get through. She's in there staring at my belly. I represent everything she wants. She hates me for it.

Pete:
She doesn't hate you. She just wants something she can't have and that's hard.

Sam:
Having a conscience is brutal.

Noah:
I hate heart transplants. You're basically waiting for someone to die to save the person who you want to live. It's horrible. Just sitting, and waiting, and sitting...

Addison:
And not be in control? You can only do so much.

Noah:
And if, uh, you've got a baby, a baby who could die, you're just content to just chalk it all up to fate?

Addison:
No, then it's on me.

Noah:
Exactly. We are the ultimate narcissists. Life and death is all up to us.

Addison:
No wonder so many doctors are insufferable.

Pete:
[to Violet] I'm not the kind of guy who fights. I just don't see the point to it. And the times I've tried it, you hurt your knuckles, you don't really feel better, it doesn't solve anything. And I guess I'm, at heart, just a pacifist, 'cause I think fighting is stupid, and I think war is wrong, and taking up arms for some cause just lacks nobility in today's world. So-

Violet:
Pete, Pete-

Pete:
I'm not the kinda guy who fights, but I should've fought for you! I should've fought for you, Violet. And I don't really know how else to say it except... I want your kid, whether it's mine or not. And I want your body, whether it's pregnant or not. And I want your heart, whether I have to fight for it or not. And I should've fought for it, but I was confused and angry and scared. So... I am fighting now... because I love you. And I think we can be something. I think we can be a family.

Violet:
A year ago, I was stalking a man who wanted nothing to do with me and now I'm turning two good men down. Do I hate myself? Is it me? It it? Am I the problem?

Cooper:
Do you think you're the problem?

Violet:
Oh, that's very therapeutic, making the patient answer her own question. And now I'm avoiding it.