Quantum Leap, Season 4

[Sam and Al have traded places - Al as the leaper, Sam as the hologram from the lab.]

Al:
Do you have any Sweet 'n Low? Or Equal?

Kelly:
Sweet 'n low? Equal?

Sam:
No, no, no, no, no. They didn't have any artificial sweetner in 1945. Okay?

[Sam looks at Kelly.]

Sam:
But boy, did they have women with big kazooms!

Kelly:
Even with the cafe I'm rationed a half a pound of sugar a week. And Mike tries to put all of it into in his cup.

Mike:
Are you forgetting who slips you an extra pound of butter every now and then?

Kelly:
I didn't know I was swappin' sugar for it.

Sam:
Well, if a pound of butter is all it takes, I got me a dairy farm that I...

Al:
[to Sam] Stop that!!

Clifford Whiteside:
We're to be married in two days! What are my mother and father going to say?

Sam:
Cancel the church, the reception, the cake...

Sam:
Revenge is mine, thus sayeth the hologram.

Sam:
What do you got on Al?

Ziggy:
He is 175.26 cm tall, weighs 70.91-

Sam:
Ziggy!

Ziggy:
Yes, Doctor?

Sam:
Give me what I want, baby.

Ziggy:
Oooh. If you weren't my father...

Sam:
Dammit Ziggy! Tell me something I don't know!

Ziggy:
Tina's having an affair with Gushie.

Sam:
Something to help Al.

Sam:
That's if I'm a human. I'm not a human - I'm a chimp. We don't have rules for chimps, do we?

Al:
It's much worse than death... in two days, she goes home... she spends the rest of her life alone... without love... in Cleveland.

Al:
Tea? Not coffee?

Sam:
I'm making some tea. Tea. T-E-A tea. Tea, tea, tea. I don't like coffee, I like tea....Does drinking tea make me any less of a man than somebody who drinks coffee? I mean, is every tea-drinker in the entire history of the world gay to you? Is that it? What about the Boston Tea Party? Was that like some kind of a gay boat festival or something?

Jannie Eisenberg:
I'll tell you what. Why don't you lie down in the parking lot and I'll accidentally back over you with my car. Probably we can get a whole week out of that!

Al:
Sam, Roberto would never let her get away with that. Try this...

Sam:
What's the matter, did you fall off your broomstick this morning!?

Al:
Stay on her, Sam.

Sam:
And what earth-shattering news are you working on this week?

Jannie Eisenberg:
Gas stations that promise full service but don't deliver.

Al[sarcastic]:
Now there's a national emergency.

Sam[snatching up a phone]:
Get Me The President!

Sam:
I was trying to save your life.

Angela:
By running me down and beating me up?

Sam:
No, no. I thought...I thought that your heart had stopped. I was just trying to get it started again, that's all.

Angela:
Oh, why don't you back over me a couple more times?

Sam:
You shouldn't move.

Angela:
You shouldn't drive.

Al:
Oh yeah. Oh yeah. 'Oops! It was an accident! I accidentally killed everybody. Haw haw. Now I'm stuck with this secret load of secret treasure. Oh, I'm going to have to give up my measley, poor-paying professorship and go somewhere and live a life of ease and luxury somewhere else. Ha ha.' Give her an Oscar and let's get the hell outta here.

Al:
Bingo bango bongo!