Regular Show, Season 5

Mordecai:
Dude, Margaret's important to me. I can't just forget her.

Rigby:
Okay, okay. You don't have to forget her, but you have to get over her for real. Staying like this is messed up, and is messing you up. I want my friend back.

Mordecai:
Well, if you were a real friend, you'd understand.

Rigby:
I am your friend. You would realize that, if you weren't such a sad sack chump!

Mordecai:
[enraged] THAT’S IT!

(Enraged that Rigby called him that, Mordecai angrily stops the car and violently shoves Rigby out of the car and furiously drives away)

Rigby:
Ah, man! (Rigby sighs and starts running after him) Wait! Come Back!

Rigby:
[moving the refrigerator in a different place] This is gonna take forever.

[Jack asks V.I.C.K.I. to shut down the arm cannon, then he shoots Mordecai and Rigby, then Benson pushes Mordecai and Rigby to save their lives, and V.I.C.K.I. destroys his car]

Jack:
Whoo! Bummer about your car, man! At least that explosion was pretty awesome. Totally satisfied my violent urges, you know what I'm saying? Hey, can I get the other 250 bucks?

Benson:
POLICE!!!

Jack:
Brain check. Got it, Brah. [Police get Jack, then he acrobat backwards into the bushes]

Benson:
GRRAHHHHH... YOU!!!!!

Mordecai:
Thanks for saving us, Benson!

Rigby:
Yeah, thanks, man!

Benson:
Damage to the house, damage to my car — my bus fare for the NEXT MONTH!!! YOU'RE PAYING FOR ALL OF IT!!!!

[Mordecai and Rigby groan, as Benson leaves in fury]

Rigby:
He didn't say to clean up this mess, but--

Mordecai:
[sighs] Yeah, let's get started.

Rigby:
Oh Mordecai, check this out.

[they both lift up the sparkling unscathed windshield, with Muscle Man and Fives passing by]

Muscle Man:
Told you my guy was good.

Jimbros:
Jimbros Burritos! Jimbros Burritos! Jimbros Burritos! Jimbros Burritos!

Jimbo:
We are the Jimbros! Jimbo!

Jimmy:
Jimmy!

Jim:
Jim!

Jimbo:
Introducing our new Every Meat Burrito! It's got every meat: Beef!

Jimmy:
Bacon!

Jim:
Crow!

Jimbo:
Gator!

Jimmy:
Bison!

Jim:
Jackal!

Jimbo:
Puffin!

Jimmy:
Crustacean!

Jim:
Naked Mole Rat...

Jimbo:
[while animal names and meat appear for a split second] And every other! [it shows a pile of meat rolling into a ball, going into the meat grinder. After it comes out of the meat grinder, it starts getting wrapped in a tortilla, turning into an Every Meat Burrito, then cuts to the "Jimbros Burritos" logo] JIMBROS BURRITOS! JIMBROS BURRITOS!

Benson:
No WAY. The last time I let you borrow my car, you totaled it. DO YOU THINK I'M CRAZY?! [angrily slams the door]

Rigby:
[to Mordecai] You just had to take Margaret to the airport, didn't ya?

Mordecai:
Uuuuugh!!! Somebody's gotta have a car.

Mordecai:
Oh, hey, Benson. Hey, Skips.

Benson:
You want to explain why my phone is LEAKING?!?!

Mordecai:
Oh — sorry, Benson!

Rigby:
Yeah, we ment to give it back, but then a bunch of... different stuff... happened.

Benson:
Different stuff?! You mean like the garbage that's all over this room?!

Mordecai & Rigby:
Uhh...

Benson:
This place is a BIOHAZARD!! I want both of you to clean it up NOW!!!

Mordecai:
Both of us?! Rigby's the one who's the slob! Look it his chimichanga! [slush]

Skips:
He's not wrong.

Rigby:
Well, Mordecai even worse! Look at his junk at the corner! [no junk near Mordecai's bed]

Mordecai:
Dude, that's my bed!

Benson:
[Now red] I don't care who's responsible! But you're gonna have to clean this room if you wanna keep living here, for FREE!!!

Mordecai:
"Rigby's to-do list"? "Stay cool. Don't ever change. Have a great summer"? [Rigby snatches the paper back]

Rigby:
' Okay, fine. [crumbles the paper again] Garbage Hoops then. Who ever misses the trash can first has to clean the room.

Mordecai:
I'm not doing this.

Rigby:
Come on, Mordecai what's the big deal? It's just a little game. You're afraid of a little game?

Mordecai:
This is your mess, Rigby. Just clean it up, And when Benson Doesn't See Us Cleaning It, He's Going To Cut Our Heads Off.

Rigby:
But it's our room. What's yours is mine, what's mine is-- [Mordecai grunts and snatches the paper back, flips the trash can over and slides it over to the other side of the room. He then throws the paper in a good aim to the trash can.]

Mordecai:
Hm, hm! Your turn.

Rigby:
Okay, sure. [Rigby gets another crumbled paper and then warms up for the throw by also grunting.]

Mordecai:
RIGBY!

Rigby:
Alright, alright! [He then closes his eyes, pants a little then throws the paper as good as he could, but then he ends up making him miss to get a hit at the center of his bedroom.]

Rigby:
[runs away] Later!

[By not liking the idea of him almost leaving, Mordecai tackles Rigby]

Mordecai:
DUDE! Garbage hoops was your idea. You lost, and now you have to clean the room. I'm leaving. [Rigby starts to glare while Mordecai leaves slamming the door shut, startling Rigby.]

Mordecai:
Just clean up the room, dude.

Rigby:
Cleaning's for chumps!

Mordecai:
Quit being a baby and clean it up.

Rigby:
You quit being a baby and clean it up.

Benson:
This room is still not clean!?

Mordecai:
But--

Benson:
I'm sick of excuses. You have 24 to clean this room, or [Goes red] YOU'RE FIRED!!!

[Rigby whines while leaving his room and coming downstairs, where Thomas is watching the TV]

Rigby:
Thomas?

Thomas:
I'm Not gonna clean your room, dude.

Rigby:

[Rigby whines even more while Thomas tries to turn up the volume even more on the TV]

Commercial:
Bobby, why so glum?

Bobby:
Mom's having another baby and I have to share my room with it.

Commercial:
Another baby? Bummer, you should try 'Wall Buddy'! Wall Buddy lets you divide your space! Once! Twice! Even three times a room!

Bobby:
Whoa! Wall Buddy's awesome!

Commercial:
Buy now and you will receive Wall Buddy's voice activation at no additional charge!

[Bobby's baby brother is seen crying]

Bobby:
Wall Buddy, help me out!

[Wall Buddy makes a wall around Bobby's brother]

Commercial:
Wall Buddy!

Bobby:
Now my mom could have as many babies as she wants! Thanks, Wall Buddy!

[Bobby makes a wink ,which ends the commercial]

Rigby:
Great. Even that baby has his own room.

Benson:
NRRAAAHHHH!!!! MORDECAI AND RIGBY!!!

Rigby:
Now before you say anything, we DID do what you said.

Mordecai:
Yeah, we cleaned up Rigby's— I mean... OUR mess. So you can't fire us.

Rigby:
Immunity, son!

Benson:
SO WHO CAN I FIRE FOR ALL THE DAMAGE YOU TWO DID TO THE PARK!!!

[Short pause, then after a few seconds, Mordecai and Rigby point at each other, trying to blame each other for the damage.]

Rigby:
Sure, we had a bunch of 'em. But Mordecai broke 'em over a girl who ended up leaving him.

Mordecai:
Hey, it was mutual.

Rigby:
That's what they all say. [Catra punches him] Ow!

Catra:
[nauseated] Yeah, I'm gonna have to ask you to shut up...

Mordecai:
Maybe if you just reminded us one more... (Benson throws his hat in Mordecai's face.) Uh!

Benson:
I shouldn't have to remind you at all! You two never listen to me and I'm sick of it!

Rigby:
Don't be mad, Benson.

Benson:
Mad? I got mad the last time you ignored me. This time I'm...I'm...deeply offended! And now, I have six pounds of cheese and not one tortilla! What kind of quesadilla can you make with that, huh?! WHAT KIND?!

Skips:
You can't make a quesadilla without tortillas; that's just cheese.

Benson:
Thank you, Skips. So now, because of Mordecai and Rigby, here we all are, tired, hungry, nothing to eat. And if you two don't get those tortillas right now, YOU'RE FIRED!

Rigby:
Hm-hm. So easy.

1 HOUR LATER...

Rigby:
Done! [the bed collapses]

4 HOURS LATER...

[Rigby frantically hammers his bed]

8 HOURS LATER...

Rigby:
Done! Thanks for your help, Skips.

Skips:
Yeah, don't mention it. [leaves]

Rigby:
NOW!

[all the park members, sans Benson and Rigby ambush Johnny Allenwrench with axes, and hack him to pieces. The camera pans out to see Benson and Rigby watching the whole process]

Benson:
Rigby, you're getting ALL the promotions.

Rigby:
YES!!

PROMOTION!

Muscle Man:
Wait, did he just say Rigby was getting ALL the promoti-?

THE END

Jebediah Townhouse:
Happy Halloween, homies!

Mordecai:
Dude, what are you doing?! We don't have 36 grand!

Rigby:
I don't care how much it is, 'cause I'm not gonna lose!

Mordecai:
Way to rope us into your mess.

Skips:
I don't know you.

Muscle Man:
If my future at Wing Kingdom is at stake because of you, [jabs his finger into Rigby's chest; threateningly] that $36,000 will be the LEAST of your problems.

Benson:
[off-screen as the basketball goes through his office window, making a hole; outraged] OH, COME ON! ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!

Rigby:
I really messed this up for everyone. [looks at the photo of him and his friends, then lowers it, seeing them all glaring mad at him and walk off; sighs] Guess there's only one person who can help me now. [picks up the phone and calls a number] Hey, can you come over? I need your help.

[Later, Rigby sits outside of the house on the stairs and sees his brother, Don, pulling up in his corvette]

Don:
[steps out of his car; happily] Rigbone! How's my big bro?

Rigby:
[gladly] Thanks for coming, Don.

Don:
[walks up to him] Man, it's been a while. You look good. Gotta say, I'm a little surprised you called me. What's up?

Rigby:
I'm in a lot of trouble, Don. There's these guys--

Don:
Oh, hey! Bank shot! [runs up to it] I haven't sen one of these since we were kids! [performs a perfect bank shot] Whoo! Good times. So, uh, what's the problem?

Rigby:
I ran my mouth off to the wrong guys and now I'm in trouble. I gotta win a bank shot match. All my money's ridin' on it.

Don:
But you're great at this.

Rigby:
Not anymore. I lost my touch. You're the only guy I know who's better at this than me. You gotta help me out.

Don:
Well, here. [passes the ball to his brother] Show me what you got.

[Rigby shoots the ball, but it hits the hoop, bounces off Rigby's head, and goes through Benson's office window, again, which was supported with cardboard]

Benson:
[off-screen; outraged] Ugh, not again!

Don:
I see. We've got a lot of work to do.

Rigby:
Well, let's get started.

Don:
Wait. Lemme get my workout gear on. (puts on a headband) Alright, let's go!

Rigby:
How do you do it man? You never miss!

Don:
You're just overthinking it. I've seen you do bank shots I can't believe. You're just as good as me. Maybe even better. You've always trusted your gut ever since we were kids. Why stop now?

Rigby:
I did trust my gut on that epic shot and I lost my trucker hat. My gut doesn't know anything. I can't rely on feelings. If I lose that rematch I'll let all my friends down.

Don:
You won't lose, Rigby. I believe in you.

Rigby:
Really?

Don:
I know it right here.

Rigby:
Thanks, man. (Goes to try again) Time to show that square-faced sucka who's boss!

Benson:
What happened?

Mordecai:
The golden wishbone. We wished to come back home safe and sound, and it worked!

Rigby:
Well, almost. It didn't grant the part where our families would be here. [he and Mordecai both hang their heads down, sadly]

Thomas:
[running out of the house] Guys, guys! Remember when I said everyone wasn't coming? I was wrong! [Mordecai and Rigby's parents emerge from the house] I checked the departing flights instead of the arrivals.

Mordecai, Rigby, Benson, Pops and Skips:
[annoyed] Thomas!

Mordecai's Dad:
Hey, Mordo!

Mordecai's Mom:
Hi, son.

Rigby's Mom:
Is that grown man over there my Rigby?

Rigby's Dad:
Come here, Rigby.

[Mordecai and Rigby happily run up to them]

Rigby:
Mom! Pop!

Mordecai:
It's so good to see you, guys. Except--

Rigby:
There's no food because we destroyed it all.

Rigby's Dad:
[chuckles] Well, that's what families are for. [opens the door, revealing a new Thanksgiving feast that's been prepared by all the families]

Mordecai and Rigby:
[surprised] Woah!

Thomas' Mom:
[holding out a turkey] Who's ready for some turkey?

[Later, all the performers, footballers and Thanksgiving characters, as well as some friends, have joined everyone for the feast]

Benson:
[tapping a glass of water with a spoon trying to get everyone's attention] Ahem!

Benson's Dad:
Oh? [shouting out to everyone] HEY, EVERYBODY! PIPE DOWN! [to his son; kindly] Go ahead, son.

Benson:
I just wanna thank everyone for coming. Thanksgiving can be a hectic time for many. But to see everyone here makes it all worth it in the end. Mordecai and Rigby, would you please stand up? [Mordecai and Rigby do so] I know you guys aren't perfect, pretty much all the time. But I want you to know that I'm proud of you. You saved Thanksgiving! And for that, I raise my glass. Happy Thanksgiving, everyone!

Everyone:
Happy Thanksgiving!

Benson:
Mordecai, Rigby, another issue of Fart Weekly magazine came today, which I distinctly remembered telling you not to get sent here! They're flooding the mailbox!

Rigby:
Relax, man! It's natural.

Mordecai:
Rigby's right. It's not healthy to hold it in.

Benson:
Ugh! Just cancel it already!

Muscle Man:
Yo, is my tax return in there?

Benson:
No. But Fives, this came for you. Now all of you stop eating donuts and get back to work!

Rigby's Mom:
You're always making so much trouble for yourself. Now Don never gets into any trouble when he's at school.

Jumpin' Jim:
Okay, when you're in the air, you wanna stay focus. There's only a limited time frame. (Rigby takes out a burrito) Woah, son, what are you doing?

Rigby:
Eating a burrito!

Jumpin' Jim:
No! No snacks on my fan! (He and Rigby are struggling for the burrito)

Mordecai:
Rigby!

(Rigby and Jumpin' Jim continue to struggle for the burrito until he accidentally drops it into the fan, and it splatters all over Jumpin' Jim, Rigby And Mordecai's faces, then Jumpin' Jim throws Mordecai and Rigby out)

Jumpin' Jim:
Get OUT of my school! AND STAY OUT OF MY SKY!!!! (slams the glass door, causing it to crack slightly)

Benson:
Alright listen up, we've gotten some complaints about the huge sinkhole in the park.

Mordecai:
Sinkhole? You mean the Crash Pit?

Muscle Man:
You're talking smack about the Crash Pit, bro?

Benson:
Yes. It's a potential liability and we're not properly insured for it. It has to be filled immediately

Mordecai and Muscle Man:
Aw, what?

Rigby:
Aw, no way!

Muscle Man:
Come on Benson, you can't fill up the Crash Pit.

Rigby:
Can't we just put up more warning signs or something?

Benson:
No! A thing called a "Crash Pit" shouldn't be even at the park in the first place.

Rigby:
What if we call it a "small hole"?

Benson:
JUST FILL IT UP BY THE END OF THE DAY OR YOU'RE FIRED!!

Mordecai:
Aw, man. Dead end.

Rigby:
Well, we tried. Let's go back.

Mordecai:
No, Rigby. We can't leave without the camera.

Rigby:
Dude, forget this. The camera's gone and we're running out of time. Benson's probably gonna fill up the hole before we even get back! Then we'll be trapped!

Muscle Man:
Easy, bro! The dark is messing with your head. Now just calm down.

Rigby:
Don't touch me! I can't breathe! Dark spaces! Need air!

Rigby on the camera:
DAAWIHHHHAHAIAHAHAAAAAHH!!!!!

Muscle Man:
(laughing) That sound never gets old.

Rigby:
That wasn't me.

Rigby on the camera:
DAAWIHHHHAHAIAHAHAAAAAHH!!!!!

Mordecai:
Wait. It IS you, but... on the camera.

Rigby:
This is the clock song, we're setting all the clocks wrong--

Mordecai:
Not now, dude.

Benson:
Well, look who decided to show up. An hour late.

Rigby:
They don't know. I guess you guys haven't heard of a little something called Daylight Savings.

Mordecai:
Haha, yeah. Technically, you guys showed up an hour early.

Benson:
(Benson mocks Rigby's laughter) Technically, Daylight Savings isn't until tonight.

Rigby:
Really? Huh.

Mordecai:
Oops.

Rigby:
Whatever, dude; it's just an hour.

Benson:
Oh, is it? Well, I guess you won't care that it's an hour you aren't getting paid for.

Mordecai and Rigby:
Aw, what?

Mordecai:
C'mon Benson, what's the big deal?

Benson:
Being on time is the big deal. This is a business we're trying to run. If everyone showed up late like you two, this whole park would fall apart.

Mordecai:
It was an honest mistake, Benson. It's not like you've never been late to work.

Benson:
Actually, I haven't. Because, unlike you two, I take my job seriously. And since you're having so much trouble keeping track of time, you can be in charge of setting the clocks back for the real Daylight Savings Time.

Mordecai:
Ugh, fine. Come on Rigby, let's get this over with.

Benson:
Hold it, not yet. You're gonna do it when the rest of the world does it: at two in the morning.

Mordecai:
What? That doesn't even make any sense. What does it matter if everyone's on the same time?

Rigby:
Yeah, what difference does it make?

Benson:
Are you seriously making me defend the right time? You either set the park clocks back at two in the morning like everyone else, or you're fired!

Benson:
(temper rising) I came to check up on you guys. I'm the only one taking this seriously and you BACKSTAB ME LIKE THIS?!!?!!

Mordecai:
Uhh...

Benson:
WELL, I QUIT!!!!!! (he furiously throws the drumsticks on the ground)

Mordecai:
Good riddance!! And don't come back!

Benson:
[buries his face in his hands and sighs after the painting fell onto the floor] Why did I have Mordecai and Rigby hang it?

[City College; Eileen is seen passing all of her advanced classes; Then cut to Video 101 introductory filmmaking class]

Mr. Murphy:
So for your final project, I thought we'd do something fun - a music video! [Eileen is unsure of this as the class cheers] Projects are due at the end of the week. Good luck.

[As everyone leaves, Eileen walks up to Mr. Murphy's desk]

Eileen:
Um, Mr. Murphy, what exactly are you looking for in the assignment? I wanna do a good job so I can pass the class.

Mr. Murphy:
Don't ask me what I'm looking for, Eileen, ask you what you're looking for, in here. Because making a good film takes more than what you have up here.

Eileen:
Hey, guys. Refills? Refills?

Mordecai:
Eileen, that's the third time you topped us off.

Rigby:
Yeah, what gives?

Eileen:
Well, there's kind of this favor I wanted to ask you guys. Look, I gotta make a music video for my introductory filmmaking class, which I only took because I'm required to graduate. But I don't know the first thing about this kind of stuff. You guys are so creative. Can you help me?

Rigby:
Can we be in it?

Eileen:
Sure!

Rigby:
Aw, yeah, we can help!

Rigby:
Ugh! Who made this garbage?

Mordecai:
Dude, we did!

Rigby:
Oh, yeah. I knew we should've used more zebra.

Eileen:
This is terrible! I can't turn this in!

C.J.:
I thought you guys knew everything about music videos.

Rigby:
Yeah! Watching them, not making them!

Mordecai:
Eileen, I hate to say this, but you probably gonna fail.

[His voice lowers down when he says "fail" as the camera zooms in on Eileen's face, in a horrified state of shock]

Eileen:
I-I've never failed a class in my life!

Rigby:
Eh, it gets easier after the first few times.

[Eileen sighs sadly and bangs her head on the table]

Mordecai:
Sorry, Eileen.

Rigby:
Yeah, sorry we messed this up for you.

C.J.:
Well, there's still an hour left. We can re-edit it?

Eileen:
Re-editing this isn't gonna make it work. Ugh! Think, Eileen. Think! [Flashback to what Mr. Murphy told her, back to present] There's only one way I can make this work-- Eileen's way!