Rizzoli & Isles, Season 3

Maura:
You shouldn't be here. Not while they're investigating.

Jane:
Why? What did you say to Connors?

Maura:
Well, you know I can't say anything.

Jane:
Ma, get your stuff.

Angela:
Jane Clementine Rizzoli.

Maura:
Your middle name is Clementine?

Jane:
[to her mother] Thank you. Thank you very much.

Jane:
Your back.

Maura:
Did you ever return my book "Soothing Paint Choices For The Home?"

Jane:
Yeah, a long time ago... So your back.

Maura:
That's odd because I can't seem to find it.

Jane:
Did you ever return my "Guns Of The World Digest?"

Maura:
I ALWAYS return things I borrow.

Jane:
You sure?

Maura:
Of course I'm sure. Maybe you lost it. You do lose things.(Sigh) Has Dr.Pike been sitting in my chair?

Jane:
Could be, Why? Is it broken? Do you want me to find out if he's been sleeping in your bed too?

Pike:
Where you looking for me?

Jane:
What about your food? Dr.Pike have you been eating Maura's porridge?

Pike:
Of course not!

Maura:
I'm glad that you think your SO funny.

Jane:
It's better being funny than "point-Dexter" the know it all.

Maura:
Well.. I'd rather be "point-Dexter" the know it all than the "Hoy Paloy!"

Jane:
Good one Maura.

Maura:
You don't even know what it means.

Pike:
It means "common." Literal translation is "The Great Unwashed"

Jane:
Classy. Hide your insults in Latin.

Maura:
It's Greek.

Jane:
Oh! The geek that knows Greek. Do you realize how ridiculous you sound? You know people laugh at you behind your back!

Maura:
Really?!? Well they call you a bitch behind yours!

Jane:
Well at least when my Father get's pissed off he doesn't stab people with an ice pick!

Maura:
Well at least my Father didn't move to Florida to sleep with some floozy he met at a pizza parlor!

Jane:
Maura!

Maura:
Or was it a massage parlor?

Jane:
Ohh! Look at you! Going all trailer trash Snooki!

Maura:
I watched that show once! ONCE! It was for ethnographic research!

Angela:
Remember when you thought you and Becky Zisti were never gonna be friends again?

Jane:
Yeah, well, I didn't shoot Becky Zisti's father.

Angela:
Here, do you want some tea? It gets its flavor from pandas!

Jane:
How does it get its flavor from pandas?

Angela:
Maura says that the pandas fertilize the tea plants.

Jane:
That means they grow in panda poop, Ma.

Angela:
I'm not talking to you until you say three good things!

Jane:
Okay! Okay! I, uh, found all of the lids to my Tupperware, I--don't have leprosy, and my wonderful mother left the comfort of her free guest house to come stay with me in my crappy little apartment because she loves me.

Angela:
[smiling] Yes, she does.

Jane:
And this is where you say, "It's not a crappy little apartment."

Angela:
[makes a face and shakes her head no]

Jane:
Ma.

Angela:
Uh-uh.

Maura:
It is more energy efficient if we take one car.

Jane:
Fine, but I'm driving.

Maura:
Why do you get to drive?!

Jane:
Because it's an unmarked, and because I'm a cop, and because -- just get in the car, Maura!

Frost:
Have a good time, girls.

Maura:
I am not listening to Led Zeppelin.

Jane:
I'm not listening to Yo-yo Ma.

Maura:
I don't listen to Yo-yo Ma! In the car.

Jane:
Oh, that's right. Pardon me. Yo-yo Ma is just for the jacuzzi. Put your seatbelt on!

Maura:
It's on!

Jane:
[sighs] I hate taggers.

Maura:
That's not tagging, it's graffiti.

Jane:
Same thing.

Maura:
No, it is not. Wow. What a powerful piece of street art.

Jane:
What a powerful example of felony vandalism.

Maura:
Jane, this is contemporary art.

Jane:
Says the woman who paid $1500 for old Pinto parts.

Maura:
[referring to Jane's first meeting with Casey and Jane's discovery that Casey is partially paralyzed] How did it go?

Jane:
I asked him to go rollerblading.

Maura:
Shut the front door. You did not.

Jane:
Oh, yeah. I did. I think I may have also suggested running.

Jane:
They had to bring in Sister Bitcher. The "Lord's work", yeah. That's what she said when she hit me with a ruler because I misspelled flamboyant!

Maura:
Why was the word flamboyant on a second grade spelling test at a Catholic school?

Jane:
I don't know!

Jane:
[referring to the murder victim] No one has reported her missing. Why not?

Maura:
Well, she has a depressed skull fracture.

Jane:
Must have been a hefty weapon.

Maura:
Not a weapon.

Jane:
So she woke up this morning and after she brushed her teeth she thought, gee my head hurts. [smiles]

Maura:
No. She a contrecoup contusion from a massive fall. Contrecoup means --

Jane:
It's not my first rodeo. It means her brain bounced around inside her skull.

Maura:
After striking a hard object.

Jane:
So, not a pillow?

Maura:
[deadpan] It takes longer when you make jokes.

Jane:
I would poke my eyes out with a scalpel if I didn't make jokes.

Maura:
I think we're a match.

Jane:
You're not really my type.

Maura:
[smiles] Me and Kaylyn.

Jane:
I think we're having different conversations.

Maura:
Kaylyn needs a kidney.

Jane:
So you're going to make it out of that cake?

Maura:
Of course not. I needed a sample of her DNA.

Jane:
You're not going to give her a kidney.

Maura:
It's my kidney. I can give it to whomever I please.

Jane:
Oh, so you told Hope?

Maura:
I'm going to donate anonymously.

Jane:
Do you need help getting it out or are you going to do that by yourself too? No! Maura, what are you thinking? No!

Maura:
Kaylyn's dying, Jane, and Hope is overwhelmed. The last thing she needs is to relive the worst day of her life: my birth and death.

Jane:
I guess I just don't get it.

Maura:
If I tell her who I am I'll be a reminder of her tragic past. I'll never be anything else to her. I mean, what? We only need one kidney.

Jane:
You're incredible.

Maura:
You'd do the same for one of your brothers.

Jane:
Maybe, but they'd have to be really, really nice. I'd definitely do it for you, though.

Jane:
What is "Little Birds and Gems?"

Maura:
Lettuce.

Jane:
Lettuce? We don't call those "solid vertical wall separators."

Maura:
Oh, you mean the walls?

Maura:
I'm all cried out. I'm done. I'm done and actually I'm a little insulted.

Jane:
What'd I do?

Maura:
That girl rejected my kidney.

Jane:
The nerve.

Maura:
I know, right? It's a very nice kidney.

Jane:
I'm sure it is. You should keep it. In your body.

Maura:
So you must have had a wedding fantasy when you were little. Come on, every little girl has one.

Jane:
Okay. It wasn't really a fantasy. It was -- I had this dumb idea that I would say my vows at Fenway over homeplate. In a Red Sox jersey. [laughs]

Maura:
[laughing] It's not dumb. It's not exactly elegant, but at least it's colorful.

Jane:
We would have the reception on the pitcher's mound, and we would serve foot long hotdogs and frozen lemonade. The guests would throw peanuts at us instead of rice.

Maura:
Can I come?

Jane:
Maybe!

Maura:
A Red Sox jersey?

Jane:
Okay, you're in my fantasy. You cannot tell me what to wear!

Maura:
Okay, let's go. It starts in fifteen minutes.

Jane:
What starts?

Maura:
The book signing.

Jane:
The one you're not going to?

Maura:
I changed my mind.

Jane:
I didn't!

Maura:
The lab results are going to take about thirty minutes. I haven't had a lunch break in three years!

Jane:
I'm not spending a lunch hour that I never take listening to Dennis "I love myself" Rockmond. That sounds like a character from the Flintstones. [affects a hoity-toity accent] Hi, I'm Dennis Rockmond.

Angela:
[to Jane and Maura] Ugh. Why couldn't you two do something else for a living?

Jane:
I thought about being a ballerina.

Angela:
Yes, you did, and you were so good at the Foite.

Jane:
[looks away, wistful] And then I wanted to be goalie in the NHL.

Maura:
"Well, the intake vacuum pressure pulls the fuel through and mixes liquid with air, Before it sucks it into the combustion chamber.."

Jane:
"Mm, go on.."

Maura:
"Violet explosion.. Rams! The big piston down with great force. Long connecting rod forces the crank pin into rotation, Which is what. you. want.."

Jane:
"God, I would love to have my crank pin rotated right about now."

Maura:
"I knew you'd miss him"

Jane:
"Mm"

Jane:
Maura, this is very serious.

Maura:
It is?

Jane:
No! You haven't started the autopsy yet?!

Maura:
Pike is handing out hats, and pens, and travel mugs. This is swag, detective.

Jane:
I'll get our swag unit on it.