Robot Wars, Season 3

Craig Charles:
Now, in my day, there were three things a fella needed to shave: a razor, some shaving foam, and enough loo roll to bandage the whole of the wounded at the Somme. But nowadays, it's all performance toiletries. Like, for all I know, a jet propelled tooth brush and a 200 wipes per minute toilet roll - sounds nasty. But there is one bit of progress I am bang up to date with, and that's robots. And here, our robotic innovations are gonna do battle for a place in our series semi-finals.

Jonathan Pearce:
I'd love to see the Chaos 2 flipper against Matilda, you know, or any one of the House Robots.

Announcer:
Please welcome the man who thought a Kalashnikov was a form of bronchitis, Craig Charles.

Craig Charles:
I’ve tried lots of therapies in my time. I went to see a child psychologist once, but he was terrible - well, he was only seven. He said to me: "What’s the first thing you think of when I say the word "mother"?"; and I said “Me mother”! So he suggested I go to the Samaritans instead, but I thought a Samaritan was one of those oranges you only get at Christmas. And then he suggested colonic irrigation, but what do I know about farming?! But I’ve finally found a therapy that really is right up my alley: it’s called Robot Wars. And right now, another eight angry patients are waiting to air their grievances in the arena! Look out, doctor - they may need sedating! Phillipa, who's in the waiting room?

Craig Charles:
[about Hypno-Disc, after it completely decimates Robogeddon in its first battle] I wouldn't wanna find that in my laundry basket, never mind Sir Killalot.

Craig Charles:
You were actually my favorite robot to win this. I had my money on you guys.

Rex Garrod:
Well, you lost again!

Craig Charles:
Well, you can grovel and beg, when you're down on all fours. But we'll show no mercy, on Robot Wars. Bye-bye.

John Reid:
I cannot believe we did that!

Philippa Forrester:
Well, we thought it was quite funny.