Scarecrow and Mrs. King, Season 2

Lee:
Are you okay?

Amanda:
Yes, I've never seen Trafalga Square before, it'd help if I could move around a bit.

Lee:
If you move around he could kill you.

Amanda:
Well there's a lot to see from here too.

Amanda:
Oh, thank heavens -- you're okay!

Lee:
I will be when you get off my arm.

Amanda:
So it's called good guy/bad guy?

Lee:
Right, one guy questions the suspect meanwhile the other guy plays nice as a buffer to the mean guy.

Amanda:
Which side is the good guy on?

Lee:
The bad guys.

Amanda:
But he's really good?

Lee:
Right.

Amanda:
Then who's really bad?

Lee:
The bad guy - ah the suspect, got it?

Amanda:
Sure but it's too complicated, I think maybe I should just talk to Conrad he always used to confide in me, he even told me once that he wears his undershorts inside out so that the seams wouldn't scratch him.

Lee:
Hmm well - underwear is not on the schedule today could we please try to stick to the proven technique?

Amanda:
Right good guy/bad guy - Ah Lee, it makes me feel just awful when I have to shout at the boys so I think I should probably be the good guy and if you don't mind you should be the bad guy

Lee:
Good Idea.

Amanda:
Ok what's the matter? That's as good a good guy as I can be.

Lee:
Mother Therese was never that good.

Amanda:
I think we should both be the good guy.

Lee:
Oh come on there's no such thing as good guy/good guyǃ

Dotty:
Amanda, you know I counted every little coffee bean in that coffee can and do you know what your lucky number is?

Amanda:
No what is it?

Dotty:
One thousand, six hundred and thirty eight.

Amanda:
Oh gee, I always kinda hoped my lucky number would be seven

Amanda:
She must be worried sick, I didn't come home all last night.

Lee:
Yeah I know that.

Amanda:
I didn't even call.

Lee:
Tell her you were tied up.

Dotty:
You're a big girl, you don't owe me any explanations.

Amanda:
Thank you Mother.

Dotty:
You could have called.

Amanda:
I should have.

Dotty:
Yeah but you didn't.

Amanda:
I was tied up.

Amanda:
Lee, I want you to know that I'm not at all worried because I know that you're a highly trained professional agent and I'm sure you have some kind of plan to get us out of here... don't you?

Lee:
Not at the moment.

Amanda:
No plan?

Lee:
No.

Amanda:
I'm very sorry to hear that.

Lee:
If worse comes to worse we'll give you a new identity and move you to a new part of the country.

Amanda:
Oh no! Not in the middle of the school year.

Amanda:
I think I've figured out what Mrs Farnsworth was trying to tell me, I mean tell you... tell you through me

Lee:
It scares me to admit it, but I think I followed that.

Amanda:
I think that's what Mrs Farnsworth was doing, I think she's hidden something in every sketch and in this one I think is a … jackhammer.

Lee:
A jackhammer?

Amanda:
Maybe it's not a jackhammer, it could be a lawnmower.

Lee:
He's lying.

Amanda:
Sure was it's pretty obvious, wasn't it?

Lee:
Oh, you noticed the nervous hand movements, the avoidance of eye contact, the slightly higher pitched voice?

Amanda:
No, I just noticed this is the first time he didn't know every little thing about Saltzburg.

Amanda:
You do understand what I'm saying don't you Mr Melrose?

Billy:
I understand you nearly all the time Amanda, it bothers me a little but I do understand.

Harry:
Hey this definitely calls for a drink.

Lee:
Oh no, no it's a little early.

Harry:
Hey, would you lose all respect for me if I said it was five o'clock somewhere?

Lee:
What are you talking about man I never had any respect for you anyway.

Amanda:
Look Lee, I know your upset but you had to tell them who we are, I mean you can't have the police think that we are just tourists that go around and shoot people.

Lee:
Hey, whoever promised you fair?

Amanda:
Nobody. I just keep expecting it.

Amanda:
The only German word I know is Edelweiss.

Lee:
Okay, okay.

Amanda:
And I learned that from The Sound of Music. I saw it seven times.

Amanda:
A sex scandal?

Lee:
Forget it ok it's not your fault, I mean nobody who knows you is going to believe you're in the middle of a sex scandal, all you have to do is take one look to know it's ridiculous.

Amanda:
Why?

Lee:
Why what?

Amanda:
Why is it ridiculous?

Lee:
Amanda.

Amanda:
Just because it isn't true doesn't make it ridiculous.

Lee:
Look why are we having this ridiculous conversation?

Amanda:
I think we're having this ridiculous conversation because you said it was ridiculous...

Lee:
Alright, alright... you're sleeping with Lord Bromfield, how's that?

Amanda:
Ridiculous.

Billy:
No more discussions Scarecrow your going and that's final.

Lee:
But Billy, I was scheduled for a vacation, I'm going to the Riviera.

Billy:
It's only for a week, France will be there when you get done.

Lee:
Ok, ok I wanted this to be a surprise but, now you know how you have been on me about my field reports being behind, well I was going to use this time to bring them up to date.

Billy:
On the beach at Nice, or in a casino in Monte Carlo?

Francine:
Alright this should be a very important lesson for each and every one of you in order to survive in this business one should always expect the unexpected. If this had been a real assault Mrs King you would be dead right now.

Amanda:
Well, I guess you learn something new every day.

Amanda:
This is exciting isn't it, you and me a team?

Lee:
Yeah, Laurel and Hardy never had it so good.

Amanda:
Ah, what am I doing wrong?

Lee:
Almost everything.

Amanda:
How about telling me what you're doing here?

Lee:
I need you.

Amanda:
You need me?

Lee:
I need you, I came to ask you out.

Amanda:
You mean on...?

Lee:
A date? Yeah well sort of.

Amanda:
Oh sort of, you mean it's business, it's not you know pleasure?

Lee:
No, now that's where your wrong it's pleasure, for you it will be pleasure, for me...I may have to work just a little bit, but for you it's just straight out pleasure.

Amanda:
Oh, well if it's gonna be such a lot of fun why don't you just take the girl that your seeing now, who is it, Margo? She's the current one isn't she?

Lee:
Margo and I aren't seeing each other any more.

Amanda:
Oh well, you do go through them.

Lee:
What are your plans for the next few days?

Amanda:
You mean this weekend?

Lee:
This weekend, maybe a little longer.

Amanda:
Ah Mother and I have some shopping to do.

Lee:
You can do that anytime.

Amanda:
No, no we really can't because Mother needs to get a new coat, there's a sale and she has to buy a coat. And there's my friend Cindy Holcombe from college, I haven't seen her in ten years and she's gonna be in town and we're gonna have lunch on Saturday.

Lee:
Ten years?

Amanda:
Yeah, yeah ten years, but we write every Christmas and she's gonna bring pictures of her little girl this time.

Lee:
Hmm I can see why you wouldn't want to miss that, a Cruise ship isn't in the same league.

Amanda:
A cruise ship?

Lee:
Yeah.

Amanda:
She's gonna be here a couple weeks.

Lee:
A luxury liner, I need somebody as part of my cover on a trip to the Caribbean.

Amanda:
Well you know she actually said next weekend would be better for her than this weekend.

Lee:
Calypso bands, warm tropical breezes.

Amanda:
Lee, do you really need me?

Lee:
I need you.

Amanda:
Well then that's it, I'm there.

Lee:
That's why you're here it's part of my cover, we have to be engaged because it's a special cruise.

Amanda:
What kind of a special cruise?

Lee:
Ah it's a wedding cruise, nothing but engaged couples so in two day's we dock in St Angelo in the Caribbean.

Amanda:
Yeah?

Lee:
And we all get married.

Amanda:
That's asking too much.

Miles:
How long have you been engaged?

Lee:
Three Months.

Amanda:
Six Months.

Lee:
Ah officially three months, I asked her six months ago...

Amanda:
It took me a little while to make up my mind.

Gillian:
You mean you nearly gave a catch like him a chance to throw the hook?

Amanda:
Well... he was pretty firmly hooked.

Lee:
Ah Amanda, I know what you thinking but … ta da... adjoining rooms

Amanda:
Hmm.

Lee:
That's not what you're thinking?

Amanda:
No it isn't, it really isn't, what I was thinking was that you had plenty of time to tell me all the details about our assignment. You could have told me in the supermarket, you could have told me in the car on the way to the airport, you could have even told me in the airplane.

Lee:
Alright maybe I should have said something.

Amanda:
Maybe you should have said something? Lee, on a need to know basis, I think maybe this time I had a need to knowǃ

Amanda:
Oh, well, how can I get into any trouble walking around the deck?

Lee:
If anyone can manage it, you can.

Lee:
Now where were you between November of '82 and mid January of '83?

Amanda:
Are you Perry Mason? Am I supposed to crack under the pressure, or something?

Amanda:
Why would anybody try to dirty up my records?

Francine:
Because your perfect Amanda, the textbook tells us that in situations like this it's always someone obscure.

Amanda:
Someone obscure?

Francine:
Yes Amanda and that's you, dealing with unimportant information, always there but not really doing very much, pleasant, unassuming, easy to overlook, loyal, faithful.

Amanda:
Like your dog... if you had one.

Lee:
Amanda, come on she didn't mean it that way.

Francine:
No, no what I meant was she's just one of those little people that one hardly ever notices, you know, like waiters or servants.

Billy:
Francine, if your through making her into a piece of the office furniture, may we please get back to the business at hand?

Lee:
(undercover as a pest controller) Are you the lady who called about the ants?

Amanda:
Ants?

Mrs Woodrow:
Ants?

Amanda:
Lee, I'm being judged.

Lee:
For what?

Mrs Woodrow:
Did you say ants?

Lee:
Yes maam, you got em, we get em, they're usually in the kitchen, it's those crumbs, vacuuming helps, have you got a vacuum?

Francine:
Yes of course I've got a vacuum, what I don't have is antsǃ

Francine:
Oh, oh I'm glad I caught you.

Lee:
Caught me, you almost tackled me.

Francine:
Yeah, wishful thinking.

Lee:
I'm really very sorry Amanda, I know I'm not being very much fun tonight.

Amanda:
Oh that's alright Lee, we never have much fun.

Francine:
You know what that slave driver Mrs Flannigan wants me to do later on?

Amanda:
No.

Francine:
Clean the kitchen.

Amanda:
No problem.

Francine:
Oh no problem that's easy for you to say, Amanda I am an expert in hand to hand combat, small arms weaponry, wealthy men between thirty and forty, but definitely not a kitchen person.

Amanda:
How did you know it was me?

Lee:
Who else do I know who's last words would be 'oh my gosh'

Amanda:
Drop it or I'll splatter you all over the stage.

Retzig:
You irritate me Mrs King perhaps you should die first.

Amanda:
Dog meatǃ

Lee:
It's alright partner, you won't be needing that anymore.

Amanda:
Good work Scarecrow, Bill will be pleased lets get this dirtbag down to the station.

Lee:
Yes Maam.

Lee:
It was just a tiny computer error that's all it was, now it could have been worse, the obituary could have been for real.

Amanda:
Yeah well look as far as all my friends are concerned it is real, do you know how many people called my Mother this morning and sent flowers?

Lee:
Well at least you know you were well liked.

Amanda:
I knew I was well like before this happened.

Amanda:
Sir, am I back among the living

Francine:
Define living

Billy:
Amanda, were you killed?

Amanda:
Oh no Sir.

Billy:
Good work.

Dotty:
Amanda I have to tell you something, I never liked the idea of you working for IFF, I mean they should have moved you up given you something challenging to do, I think your gonna find this new job much more exciting.

Amanda:
Oh I hope not.

Amanda:
I was arrested.

Dotty:
Arrested, what on earth for?

Amanda:
Murder.

Dotty:
Oh don't be ridiculousǃ

Amanda:
Mother, they found my fingerprints on the murder weapon.

Dotty:
How?

Amanda:
I was at his house.

Dotty:
Who's house?

Amanda:
My boss.

Dotty:
You mean your boss was murdered your first day on the job?

Amanda:
Yes Mother, I feel terrible about it.

Dotty:
Amanda, they could blame youǃ

Amanda:
Mother they do blame me that's why I was in jail.

Lee:
Amanda, is that house at the end of your street still up for rent?

Amanda:
You mean the Cooperman house? I think so why?

Lee:
Well I know someone who wants to rent it for awhile.

Amanda:
Who?

Lee:
Me, I want to get closer to someone who lives there.

Amanda:
Oh, we could go to dinner you don't have to move in down the street.

Lee:
Aaaahhh!

Amanda:
Hi.

Lee:
Amanda, what the...? You just about scared the hell out of me.

Amanda:
Oh, I'm sorry. Now you know what it feels like.