Sleepy Hollow, Season 1

Abbie Mills:
You know, some people, when they read the paper, they relax. They're off the clock.

August Corbin:
My clock has its own schedule.

Frank Irving:
You said you cut off his head.

Ichabod Crane:
First I shot him. He got back up. Cutting off his head seemed to be the next logical step.

Abbie Mills:
Mr. Crane, I'm Lieutenant Abbie Mills.

Ichabod Crane:
A female lieutenant. In whose army?

Abbie Mills:
You're not gonna break character, huh?

Ichabod Crane:
You've been emancipated, I take it?

Abbie Mills:
Excuse me?

Ichabod Crane:
From enslavement.

Abbie Mills:
Okay. I'll play along here. I am a black female lieutenant for the Westchester County Police Department. Do you see this gun? I'm authorized to use it. On you.

Ichabod Crane:
If you're insinuating I endorse slavery, I'm offended.

Abbie Mills:
Wait, back up. You're offended?

Ichabod Crane:
I'll have you know I was a proponent of the Abolitionist Act before the New York Assembly.

Abbie Mills:
Congratulations. Slavery has been abolished 150 years. It's a whole new day in America.

Abbie Mills:
Two hundred and fifty years, huh? Civil War didn't wake you? Noisy neighbors to the south. Did you get up to pee? Don't know about you, but I'm getting up to pee every 75, 80 years.

Ichabod Crane:
Are you quite finished? Because most of what you say is unintelligible gibberish to me. It's like watching a chicken cluck. And when did it become acceptable for ladies to wear trousers?

Ichabod Crane:
That building used to be a livery stables.

Abbie Mills:
Yeah? Well, now it's a Starbucks. Where they make coffee.

Ichabod Crane:
And that building is also a Starbucks?

Abbie Mills:
Yep.

Ichabod Crane:
Well, how many are there?

Abbie Mills:
Per block?

Ichabod Crane:
Is there a law?

Ichabod Crane:
When I beheaded him, that man didn't die. Because he was never a man at all. He is Death itself, Lieutenant. And somehow he has returned to Sleepy Hollow to finish what he started.

August Corbin:
And I heard, as it were, the noise of thunder, one of the four beasts saying, "Come and see." Then, behold, a pale horse, and his name that sat on him was Death, and Hell followed with him.

Ichabod Crane:
What's insane is a ten-percent levy on baked goods. You do realise the Revolutionary War began on less than two percent-how is the public not flocking to the streets in outrage!?  We must do something.

Ichabod Crane:
Then theoretically, you could rekindle the relationship?

Abbie Mills:
I will literally pay you to stop talking.

Ichabod Crane:
I would happily accept because I am in need of currency.

Abbie Mills:
You dropped your gun.

Ichabod Crane:
It was empty.

Abbie Mills:
You only fired one shot.

Ichabod Crane:
There are more?

Jenny Mills:
Are you Abbie's new boyfriend?

Ichabod Crane:
We are amicable, and yes, I am male, but I suspect you're implying something else.

Jenny Mills:
What's your name, tall, dark, and British?

Ichabod Crane:
My name is Ichabod Crane.

Jenny Mills:
What do your friends call you? "Icky"?

Ichabod Crane:
Not if they wish to remain my friends.

Ichabod Crane:
I was born more than two centuries ago, and my wife is prisoner in some otherworldly realm. I'm no stranger to complications.

Ichabod Crane:
[very calm] Surviving death separated by time tests the bonds of love. The moment I saw her, I knew. The bravest love is born again with each new day. The kind of love that makes the mundane a marvel, that... bewilders with its magnificence. Until Fate's cruel hand intervened, and in a blink of an eye, Katrina was lost to me.

Yolanda, NorthStar Assistance:
[over the car speaker, near tears] I am so, so sorry.

Ichabod Crane:
I offer this tale, no matter how cruelly he may have treated you, to suggest that you do not give up. Nor give in to anything less than certainty in matters of the heart.

Yolanda, NorthStar Assistance:
No one's ever said-said it like that. Thank you.

Ichabod Crane:
It is I who should thank you, kind woman, for unlocking this vehicle from afar. And showing me how the entertainment system operates. Farewell, Yolanda.

Yolanda, NorthStar Assistance:
[in tears now] Thank you for calling NorthStar Assistance.

Ichabod Crane:
An officer of the law with a criminal past. Imagine the delinquency we could perpetrate if we really put our minds to it.

Ichabod Crane:
[to Abbie] I've lived on borrowed time; more than any man deserves. I've seen wonders beyond my wildest imaginings. And through these centuries, against the impossibility that we would find each other, we did. And I am most grateful for it.

Henry Parish:
Imagine you had a pair of glasses into their hearts. Seen what they've done. The parts that are locked down so deep, even they're afraid to see. But you see them and you carried them. Until the only person you can't see anymore... is yourself. If I didn't stop, I would have disappeared completely.

Andy Brooks:
Rumors of my demise have been… pretty much true.

Ichabod Crane:
We saw you die in that cell.

Andy Brooks:
Yeah. Not my best day.

Frank Irving:
I am running out of rope with which to hang myself.

Abbie Mills:
You wanted proof.

Frank Irving:
Honestly, I wanted it to be a lie.

Frank Irving:
I can hardly believe Jefferson foresaw holding a headless man prisoner.

Ichabod Crane:
He foresaw holding the worst type of demons that may walk the earth. A product, no doubt, of his years trying to reason with the French.

Abbie Mills:
She dumped her fiancé for you. Wow. You got some game.

Ichabod Crane:
I neither wanted nor did I invite "game".

Ichabod Crane:
[looks at a warped image of himself in a mirror at a fair] What kind of torture is this? Since when did irony become the nation's pastime?

Henry Parish:
It seems we've been relegated to the part of 'gongoozler', you and I.

Ichabod Crane:
Good day. This is Captain Ichabod Crane, Esquire. If you will be so kind, please leave your name, rank and an address where I may reach you, and I will return this correspondence in a timely manner. And now what do I press? Pound? What's pound?

Ichabod Crane:
[reading text] On my way. Colon, close parentheses. Oh, it's a man's face. I suppose that's… charming.

Ichabod Crane:
I'm not blaming you, Lieutenant. It's these telecommunication companies overwhelming the populace with their ostentatious advertisements. They're coercing the consumer into purchasing countless 'system updates'. It's an abuse of capitalism and certainly not the vision behind our laissez-faire market.

Ichabod Crane:
Remarkable stitching. An old flame of mine was a seamstress. She'd be most impressed.

Lt. Abbie Mills:
Who'd you date? Betsy Ross?

Ichabod Crane:
How did you know that?

Henry Parish:
I can cross 'fighting a demon' from my bucket list.

Abbie Mills:
Nice teeth.

Ichabod Crane:
Gold, ivory and lead. They were the envy of every man in Virginia. I'm not sure how Martha felt about them.

Abbie Mills:
How're you both here? You're dead.

August Corbin:
Dead? Shoot! Why doesn't anyone ever tell me these things?

Ichabod Crane:
Recall, if you will, the words of General Washington.

Jenny Mills:
Which one? Zombie Washington or father of the free world Washington?

Abbie Mills:
You need to have faith.

Jenny Mills:
I have more than faith. I'm a mental patient with a gun.

Ichabod Crane:
I trusted you!

Henry Parish/Jeremy Crane:
You needed faith, my dear Ichabod, and I gave it to you, both of you in your desire to be reunited. And to Abigail, who so desperately needs to believe there's a purpose to her pain. See, faith is a pillar of human nature. The belief that all will end well if we just cling onto it with all our might. And it is what blinds us to what's right in front of us all along.

Henry Parish/Jeremy Crane:
Now you'll know what it is to lose faith. When it's gone, you have nothing. And when you have nothing, there's nothing holding you back from what you're capable of.

Henry Parish/Jeremy Crane:
War isn't coming to Sleepy Hollow. It's been waiting here all along.

He was a man,take him for all and all. I shall never see his like again