St. Elsewhere, Season 3

Dr. Ehrlich:
Oh, Dr. Craig.

Dr. Craig:
What is it, Ehrlich?

Dr. Ehrlich:
I've got a problem.

Dr. Craig:
Only one, huh? After your haphazard, clumsy, inexcusable performance in the OR today, I'm convinced that you may be here in body, but your mush brains are still on vacation.

Dr. Ehrlich:
Fine, well Dr. Swayles...

Dr. Craig:
Who?

Dr. Ehrlich:
Exactly! He's got admitting privileges here, and I've been assigned one of his patients. You know, I've tried to reach him without any luck. Mrs. Sado's conditioning is deteriorating, and I've got to change her meds fast.

Dr. Craig:
Then do it!

Dr. Ehrlich:
I can't change his orders. He's an attending and I'm only a resident.

Dr. Craig:
You're also a moron. When a human life is in the balance, protocol goes out the window. Do I make myself understood?

Dr. Ehrlich:
Yes, sir.

Dr. Craig:
And Ehrlich, I appreciate the fact that you don't wear shorts.

Dr. Ehrlich:
My legs, sir, never.

[Ehrlich is giving a lecture about having sex after recovery from bypass surgery]

Dr. Ehrlich:
There are five phases to sexual activity: arousal, plateau, orgasm, resolution, and putting on your socks.

Dr. Craig:
[Annoyed that Luther is looking at him hammering the window] What are you waiting for, a tip?

Luther Hawkins:
Not anymore.

Nurse Daniels:
What are you doing here?

Nurse Papandrao:
There was an emergency in the OR. There was nobody available, so I...

Nurse Daniels:
Isn't that scabbing? Or is the union finally admitting they're jeopardizing patients' lives?

Nurse Papandrao:
Don't blame it on the union. That man's life was in danger because no doctor had the foresight to transfer him last week.

Nurse Daniels:
Oh, come on, Lucy. That's bull. Emergencies happen all the time.

Nurse Papandrao:
Look, I'm on strike, okay? But if somebody's dying, I'm not on strike. It's that simple.

Nurse Daniels:
Congratulations, you got it all figured out. But maybe dying isn't the worst thing that could happen to someone.

Nurse Papandrao:
Oh, boy. If you really believe that, you're in the wrong business.

Nurse Daniels:
It's starting all over again, and none of you seem to care. You're outside, looking for the fringe benefits!

Nurse Papandrao:
Are we talking about the same thing?

Nurse Daniels:
Obviously not.

Nurse Papandrao:
I think you've been working a little too hard, Shirley.

Nurse Daniels:
Don't you have to get back on the line?

Dr. White:
[Excited] Boomer, I finally found my kids man!

Nurse Daniels:
[Disgusted] Who cares?

[Walks out of the office]

Dr. Axelrod:
I highly recommend the pigs in the blanket.

Dr. Ehrlich:
Get your mind out of the feedbag, Elliott.

Dr. Craig:
Move your chair, Axelrod.

[Axelrod moves in]

Dr. Craig:
I've reviewed the Colfax case, and I am not happy. What the hell is going on here?

Dr. Wade:
I tried to tell Elliott-...

Dr. Craig:
[Cuts Wade off] I have the floor, Dr. Wade. Now, my time is valuable. I don't like wasting it on conforming an open-and-shut case! Axelrod, I find your diagnosis entirely appropriate.

Dr. Wade:
But...

Dr. Craig:
The patient has a family history of heart disease, but the size and location of the occlusion poses no grave or immediate danger. She's young, compliant, and willing to work hard to avoid surgery. Adequate medical management should give her the same, if not better, chance of survival than a bypass. Case closed. Dr. Wade, I'd like to speak with you. Axelrod, get some rest. You look terrible.

Dr. Axelrod:
Yes, sir.

[Axelrod leaves Dr. Craig's office]

Dr. Craig:
What the hell were you trying to do? Bulldoze a patient into surgery?

Dr. Wade:
I thought a bypass was necessary and expedient.

Dr. Craig:
In a fifty year old. With heavy left occlusion, maybe! This woman presents no intractable angina.

Dr. Wade:
Dr. London supported my diagnosis.

Dr. Craig:
Oliver London?

[Wade nods her head, Craig is appalled with the answer]

Dr. Craig:
The man puts Sweeney Todd to shame. He would operate for the common cold! Let me tell you something. I won't have cut-happy residents on my staff. There are too many surgeons already lining their pockets with unnecessary surgery. [hands her a folder] You blew this one, Wade. It better not happen again.

Dr. Ehrlich:
Noted heart specialist Elliott Axelrod, M.D. Craig was pretty impressed with your call on that angina patient.

Dr. Axelrod:
[Proudly] Thanks.

Dr. Ehrlich:
Brown nose.

Dr. Morrison:
Hi, Wayne.

Dr. Fiscus:
Wanna bet how long it takes this three-year-old to pass a mood ring?

Dr. Morrison:
Not a gambling man.

Dr. Fiscus:
How about Peter? He's good at beating the odds.

Dr. White:
[Morrison approaches White] Let's have a look at this skull series.

Dr. Morrison:
The waters' view is clear.

Dr. White:
You think Megan and Timothy have changed much?

Dr. Morrison:
Probably. But they're still your kids.

Dr. White:
I'm telling ya, I'm gonna put things back together with Myra.

Dr. Fiscus:
Good. Then you can go up to the psych ward and tell Cathy Martin you're sorry you put her in a straight jacket.

Dr. White:
Hey Fiscus, you shut up.

Dr. Fiscus:
Jack, you haven't lived till you've seen Peter in action. I had the good fortune to catch his act once, and believe me, he's got a certain way with women. Unfortunately, it's a felony.

Dr. White:
You know, you really oughta talk, Fiscus. There isn't a woman in this hospital you haven't hit on.

Dr. Fiscus:
Took a lot of hard work, concentration, and a ski mask to get Peter where he is today. You know something for Myra's sake, I hope she's found another man.

[White and Fiscus have a scuffle]

Dr. Morrison:
[Stepping in to break up the scuffle] Enough! That's enough, all right? That's enough, Peter!

[Peter takes his X-rays and walks out]

Dr. Morrison:
Why can't you leave him alone? Why can't everybody just leave him alone?

Dr. Fiscus:
He's doing a con job on you, Jack, and I don't know why you just lie back and enjoy it.

Dr. White:
What brings you down here?

Nurse Daniels:
I came to see you.

Dr. White:
You look different.

Nurse Daniels:
[Getting seductive] Do you like it? I did it for you. [Getting closer] I've been thinking about you, Peter. A lot.

[Peter approaches the door and locks it]

Dr. White:
Wanted this for a long time.

[He makes out with her. She pulls out her gun]

Dr. White:
Are you afraid?

Nurse Daniels:
No.

Dr. White:
I want you to be afraid. I want to see you afraid.

Nurse Daniels:
[shoves him] Not anymore. [points gun at him]

Dr. White:
Now-Now what is that for?

Nurse Daniels:
It's for all of us.

Dr. White:
What are you talking about?

Nurse Daniels:
Is this where you raped Cathy Martin?

Dr. White:
Now don't be crazy.

Nurse Daniels:
You were gonna rape me, weren't you?

Dr. White:
Look, you were coming on to me! I-I thought we were just having a little fun, you know.

Nurse Daniels:
Like the other women had fun?

Dr. White:
Now look, Shirley...

Nurse Daniels:
What's the matter, Peter? Nervous?

Dr. White:
Shirley..

Nurse Daniels:
Now you know what it feels like. Afraid.

Dr. White:
Now please, this is...

Nurse Daniels:
Now, I want you to be afraid. Did you hit them? What did you make them do?

Dr. White:
I didn't-I didn't...

Nurse Daniels:
I don't want to hear your lies anymore.

Dr. White:
I didn't touch them!

Nurse Daniels:
Say it, Peter. Say it, you raped them.

Dr. White:
Please.

Nurse Daniels:
Say it!

Dr. White:
I raped them.

Nurse Daniels:
All of them?

Dr. White:
No, no! No. I wanted Cathy Martin again but somebody else got her first.

Nurse Daniels:
Why Cathy?

Dr. White:
Because she was the best. All right, all right. Look, I'll-I'll turn myself in. Okay?

Nurse Daniels:
Goodbye, Peter. [Shoots him. Walks up to the phone] Code blue. In the morgue.

Dr. Craig:
So you took the job with that colonic slime, Bill Wolf, didn't you?

Dr. Ehrlich:
How did you find out?

Dr. Craig:
It's all over the hospital. Everyone is patting me on the back like I just had a baby boy.

Dr. Ehrlich:
All right, all right, I was gonna tell you.

Dr. Craig:
In this century?

Dr. Ehrlich:
Listen, the only reason that I'm doing this program is to provide a genuine public service.

Dr. Craig:
Oh, don't give me that crap! Muammar Gaddafi is more interested in public service than that ringworm producer.

Dr. Ehrlich:
All right, I need the money. You know I got a divorce pending.

Dr. Craig:
I guess I shouldn't be surprised that you turned on me for a few lousy pieces of silver.

Dr. Ehrlich:
You've had your differences with Mr. Wolf, but I don't think that should interfere with our relationship. Yours and mine, I mean.

Dr. Craig:
You can count on it! You lie with dogs, you get fleas!

Dr. Ehrlich:
Well, wait a minute, you don't mean that, do you, sir?

Dr. Craig:
His film eviscerated me all over the airwaves.

Dr. Ehrlich:
I guess I can't persuade you to do a guest spot some night, huh?

Dr. Craig:
Who do I look like, Ben Vereen? I'm a surgeon, Ehrlich, not a buck and wing man! Scalpel!

Dr. Craig:
Now where did you find this little piece of gradue, Boy's Life?

Dr. Fiscus:
Journal of the American Medical Association. It's a documented phenomenon.

Dr. Craig:
So is psychic surgery, Fiscus. But I wouldn't want to trust my gallbladder to it.

Dr. Fiscus:
You still want me to repeat the autopsy?

Dr. Craig:
You're damn right. Nightmare death syndrome of all the lame-Why MacArthur ever wanted to return to the Philippines is beyond me.

Dr. Caldwell:
This is our last operation together, Victor. I don't want you to assist me anymore.

Dr. Ehrlich:
What?

Dr. Caldwell:
Look, you're a good surgeon, but ever since I came here, you've been nothing but bad jokes.

Dr. Ehrlich:
What do you mean, bad jokes?

Dr. Caldwell:
Remember your line about Helen Rosenthal and fun bags?

Dr. Ehrlich:
Yeah, that...

Dr. Caldwell:
When you're not insensitive, you're offensive. So I have just one suggestion to make. Why don't you do all of mankind a favor? Quit medicine. Take up your true calling, professional phony.

Dr. Ehrlich:
Come on, Bob, why do...

Dr. Caldwell:
Read my mask, pal. You're out of here.

[Caldwell walks away back to the surgery]

Dr. Ehrlich:
All I said was you drink your bath water.

Dr. Westphall:
What's up?

Dr. Craig:
Boy, do you look terrible.

Dr. Westphall:
Did you call me out here to tell you that?

Dr. Craig:
Wasn't Ehrlich supposed to be on rounds with you this morning?

Dr. Westphall:
Yes, he was. I got a message he's not going to be here. He's involved in some research project.

Dr. Craig:
What is it with these residents? Is every day the Fourth of July? I mean, I need him to assist me in surgery. Kiley dropped out just a minute ago.

Dr. Westphall:
Any of you know what project Ehrlich is involved in?

Dr. Chandler:
Dream research.

Dr. Craig:
Dream res--- Flim flam, pure and simple. Why do these funding people let the wool be pulled over their eyes using hard earned tax dollars for useless research? I don't even know why you let this Ellis woman have space in the hospital.

Dr. Westphall:
Mark, I had nothing to do with it.

Dr. Craig:
Dream research. That kind of malarkey really singes my drawers. Yeah, well, Ehrlich just better be enjoying his dreams while he can, because here comes a living nightmare.

[Chandler stands in his way accidentally]

Dr. Craig:
Can't you see I'm in a hurry?

Nurse Rosenthal:
Hi, Shirley. How are you? I haven't seen much of you lately.

Nurse Daniels:
I've been busy.

Nurse Rosenthal:
You dating someone?

Nurse Daniels:
No, why?

Nurse Rosenthal:
Well, I don't see you in the cafeteria. You know what? You and I should have lunch one of these days.

Nurse Daniels:
Really? During the nurses strike I was persona non grata. Now you've decided all is forgiven?

Nurse Rosenthal:
Oh, Shirley come on. [Helen comforts Shirley] Don't you think it's time to let what happened go? Hmm?

Nurse Daniels:
That's easy for you, isn't it, Helen? Forgetting the past, your commitment to others? You're one hell of a role model for the nursing staff.

Nurse Rosenthal:
[Shocked] So... I guess our lunch is off. [Walks to the door]

Nurse Daniels:
Drop dead.

Dr. Westphall:
Shirley..

[Nurse Daniels shoots the gun]

Nurse Daniels:
[Distraught] I'm sorry Dr. Westphall. Just don't come near me.

Dr. Westphall:
Don't do this please.

Nurse Daniels:
I'm sorry I caused you so much trouble. I know it was wrong for me to kill Peter.

Dr. Westphall:
Don't let that mistake take your life, too.

Nurse Daniels:
Peter hurt a lot of people

[Morrison runs to approach Shirley. Shirley raises the gun]

Nurse Daniels:
STOP! I want to talk to Jack.

[Morrison gets closer to her]

Nurse Daniels:
That's close enough. Hi, Jack. [sighs] You ever been up here before?

[Morrison shakes his head no]

Nurse Daniels:
Smell the ocean? And look. Look at this. You can see for miles. There's the Pru and the Hancock Tower, and across the Charles, there's Cambridge. God, this is so beautiful! Why didn't I ever come up here before? I'm glad Cathy's on the sixth floor. Have you seen her?

[Morrison nods yes]

Nurse Daniels:
I think she's getting better.

Dr. Morrison:
Yeah.

Nurse Daniels:
All that screaming and blood.

Dr. Morrison:
Blood? What blood?

Nurse Daniels:
Come on, Jack, you know what I'm talking about, in the ER. Blue-lipped junkies, 13-year-old pregnant girls, legs mangled under motorcycles. I know how special life is. I save lives, and I only took one... so far. You were his friend, Jack! Why didn't you do something?

Dr. Morrison:
There was nothing I could do.

Nurse Daniels:
You believed him! You believed Peter. Everything he did, you stuck with him, said he always got bad breaks. Well, that didn't give him the right! The world's full of bad breaks.

Dr. Morrison:
You're my friend, Shirley. And all that means is I'm willing to share your pain.

Nurse Daniels:
You're willing to share this? [Points gun at Morrison]

Dr. Westphall:
Shirley, don't, please!

Dr. Morrison:
What Peter did was wrong. What you did was wrong, too. And there's nothing that I can do about that. But I'm still here for you.

Nurse Daniels:
You look tired.

Dr. Morrison:
Yeah, I am. I've been on call for 48 hours.

Nurse Daniels:
The hospital will kill ya.

[They hug]

Dr. Fiscus:
I don't know what it is with you, Boomer. All your patients seem to be going south lately.

Dr. Morrison:
Fiscus, why the hell you gotta make a smart remark about everything?

Dr. Chandler:
Whoa, Jack, take it easy.

Dr. Morrison:
Hey, hey, hey, why don't you shut up! Philip, I don't need you telling me what to do or how to treat my patients. Don't question my medical judgement. Okay? All right? I'm just as good a doctor as either of you.

Dr. Ehrlich:
Fine, so, where'd you put the happy couple?

Luther Hawkins:
Oh, up in the fifth floor, in Dr. Craig's office.

Dr. Ehrlich:
[Shocked] Are you crazy?

Luther Hawkins:
What, just relax, take it easy. Dr. Craig is out of town, the walls are thick, and the office is private, just trust me, everything will be fine.

Dr. Ehrlich:
[Mortified] Trust you, fine, thick walls, this man's insane, my career's on the line.

Dr. Caldwell:
[while looking at a X-ray] Come on, Ehrlich, your interest in Mrs. Dowd has more to do with your own testosterone than her husband's endocrines.

Dr. Ehrlich:
Even prisoners have conjugal rights. Why can't hospital patients, okay? This is an important ethical question!

Dr. Caldwell:
Look, if you were really worried about ethics, you wouldn't be hitting on the guy's wife while he was in traction.

Dr. Ehrlich:
Is that what you think? That I'm some sort of ulterior pig who only cares about getting his ashes Holt?

Dr. Caldwell:
Took the words right out of my mouth.

Dr. Ehrlich:
Well, you're entitled to your opinion, but I'm not gonna lead Mrs. Dowd in the lurch!

[Chandler and Fiscus are in the lounge watching Ehrlich's latest Health Spot on the evening news, talking over Victor as they make commentary]

Dr. Ehrlich:
Let's say you have an accident of some kind. What happens next? You call an ambulance.

Dr. Chandler:
And bribe the driver to take you to Boston General instead of this place.

Dr. Ehrlich:
...where friendly, well-trained doctors will administer up-to-date medical treatment. Waiting is kept to a minimum through modern hospital management techniques that put the needs of the patient first and foremost. From the ER, you'll be whisked up to your room by...

Dr. Fiscus:
Lovely Carol Merrill, who will take your clothing, rifle through your belongings, and palpate you into submission.

Dr. Ehrlich:
An experienced senior doctor will be directly in charge of your case, and will carefully explain your condition and the length of time you'll be required to stay. Should there be any discomfort involved, modern analgesics are always available.

Dr. Fiscus:
From dealers loitering in our hallways.

Dr. Ehrlich:
Physical therapy and other hospital services are scheduled at your convenience, and nutritious meals are served promptly from heated carts at your bedside.

Dr. Chandler:
He forgot to mention tennis courts and scuba lessons.

Dr. Ehrlich:
...during regularly scheduled visiting hours, and often play a positive role in the healing process.

Dr. Fiscus:
And when you receive your hospital bill, you'll have a heart attack and be whisked back upstairs by courteous attendants.

Dr. Chandler:
Are you as sick of these Health Spots as I am?

Dr. Ehrlich:
...hospital etiquette. Until then, I'm Dr. Victor Ehrlich with another Health Spot.

[Fiscus gets up and turns off the TV]

Dr. Morrison:
Dr. Westphall.

Dr. Westphall:
Yeah.

Dr. Morrison:
I wanted to be the one to tell you.

Dr. Westphall:
Tell me what?

Dr. Morrison:
Carrolton University Medical School used to be in Mexico.

Dr. Westphall:
Jack, excuse me, I've been in surgery all day. Would you mind cluing me in on what you're talking about?

Dr. Morrison:
Well, I didn't get accepted to a med school here in the States, so I took a job doing research while taking pharmaceutical training. Carrolton offered a two year program, but when I got there, I found that I could accelerate. So, since I had other training, I took the test.

Dr. Westphall:
How long were you at this place?

Dr. Morrison:
Six months.

Dr. Westphall:
You got two years' credit in six months?

Dr. Morrison:
Well, I had to take the test, and the boards, I had a background.

Dr. Westphall:
Doesn't make you a doctor, Jack.

Dr. Morrison:
Dr. Westphall, I didn't realize what...

Dr. Westphall:
Would you excuse us a for a minute, please?

[person walks out]

Dr. Westphall:
Thank you.

Dr. Morrison:
I didn't realize what I was doing was wrong.

Dr. Westphall:
Jack, if it were practical to train a doctor in that amount of time, don't you think we'd do it? Why the hell didn't you tell me? You owe me that much at least, for fighting to keep you here for a second year.

Dr. Morrison:
I wasn't... I was afraid. You're disappointed in me.

Dr. Westphall:
Yes, I'm disappointed, what the hell do you think?

Dr. Morrison:
Well, there must be some way to straighten this out, I mean something you can do.

Dr. Westphall:
The mistakes you made here, the misdiagnoses, I believed it was because you were doing your best to function under tremendous personal pressure and now it seems all the errors you made were the result of a grossly inadequate medical education. If I'd had the power, I'd suspend you, you know that?

Dr. Morrison:
Well, I'd like to continue with the educational part of my residency, but I'll take myself off cases.

Dr. Westphall:
That's a damn good idea.

Dr. Caldwell:
[Approaching Axelrod and Fiscus about Mrs. Hufnagel] Hey, why is everybody so upset at Florence?

Dr. Axelrod:
Florence?

Dr. Caldwell:
Mrs. Hufnagel.

Dr. Fiscus:
She's got the soul of a motorcycle gang.

Dr. Caldwell:
I thought she was pleasant.

Dr. Fiscus:
What can I do for you?

Michael Dukakis:
I was out jogging and I think I've done something to this ankle of mine.

Dr. Fiscus:
All right. Name?

Michael Dukakis:
Michael Dukakis.

Dr. Fiscus:
And your occupation?

Michael Dukakis:
Governor.

Dr. Fiscus:
Governor of what?

Michael Dukakis:
Of the Commonwealth of Massachusetts.

Dr. Fiscus:
Baloney, that's what's his name?

Michael Dukakis:
I'm what's his name.

Dr. Fiscus:
Look, I don't have time for this. Address?

Michael Dukakis:
The State House, Boston.

Dr. Fiscus:
Elliott?

Dr. Axelrod:
Yeah, yeah?

Dr. Fiscus:
This phony is for you. Tape up his ankle until his eyes bug out.

Dr. Axelrod:
[Surprised to see Governor Dukakis] Governor Dukakis, what are you doing here?

Michael Dukakis:
I was out running and I...

Dr. Axelrod:
[Rushes to approach him and escort him to the emergency room] Oh, wait, wait, let me get it. Lean on me, real hard. Okay, come on. We'll get you over there.

Dr. Ehrlich:
Phew, this girl has really been dipped in the ugly pond, you know?

[Dr. Caldwell is disgusted with Ehrlich's comment]

Dr. Ehrlich:
Bobby... Dr. Caldwell, I'm sorry.

Dr. Caldwell:
You're out.

Dr. Ehrlich:
What's the matter Elliott, your head getting too fat to hold up?

Dr. Axelrod:
Very funny. I had a close brush with death yesterday in the E.R.

Dr. Fiscus:
Very little brush.

Warren Coolidge:
Hey, Salami!

Dean:
You've got the wrong guy, pal.

Warren Coolidge:
No, it's Warren.

Nurse Papandrao:
You left the lights on in your car.

Dr. Craig:
You're joking.

Nurse Papandrao:
No, sir.

Dr. Craig:
That's impossible.

Nurse Papandrao:
It's true.

Dr. Craig:
Don't be ridiculous!

Joan Halloran:
I'm sorry Dr. Craig. It's out of our hands.

Dr. Craig:
Who's my replacement?

Joan Halloran:
Oliver London.

Dr. Craig:
Oliver London? The man couldn't carve his initials in a desk! I'm calling my congressman.

Luther Hawkins:
Excuse me, Dr. Craig.

Dr. Craig:
Yeah?

Luther Hawkins:
We lost one of your patients, Florence Hufnagel.

Dr. Craig:
Where is she?

Luther Hawkins:
In here, on her way to the morgue.

Dr. Craig:
What happened?

Luther Hawkins:
Cardiac arrest.

Dr. Craig:
Why haven't her test results been charted? We have ward clerks up the wazoo, but you can't get a simple blood test back from the lab before high noon?

Luther Hawkins:
Well, the doctors didn't seem to know what caused the heart attack. Though my guess is it was brought on by the bed.

Dr. Westphall:
The bed, what bed?

Luther Hawkins:
Well, Miss Hufnagel was found... Well, she had been swallowed up by the bed.

Dr. Craig:
[Auschlander laughs as all four exit the elevator] I don't think it's so damn funny.

Dr. Auschlander:
I'm not laughing, I'm really not. It's tragic.

Dr. Craig:
Wait till the hospital gets slapped with a lawsuit for shoddy equipment.

Nurse Daniels:
Take my word, Ehrlich, the scar's right where you left it.

Dr. Ehrlich:
Hey babe, please. I'm the medico here, okay? [Trying to look at Shirley's scar] So let's undo mister bow, pull the gown back, and take a peak.

Nurse Daniels:
Your hands are cold.

Dr. Ehrlich:
Yes, but my smile is warm.

Nurse Daniels:
[Grabs Ehrlich's hand and shoves it] And the traverse stops here.

Dr. Ehrlich:
Easy. I know it's not the cleanest appendectomy of the New Year, but consider the incredible pressure I was under. You, a demented killer, we almost dated once. I have great difficulty excising a vestigial organ, knowing that right around the bend, it's a cervical us. Trust me, Citizen Kane's dying thought wasn't a fond remembrance of a childhood sled, okay?

Nurse Daniels:
I don't mind the scar. Besides, I'm not planning on logging any bikini time for a while.

Dr. Ehrlich:
Surely they won't send you to prison. Will they, Shirley?

Nurse Daniels:
Eventually. Until then, I got to find a job.

Dr. Ehrlich:
Okay, embroider pillows. It's a growing cottage industry, you're home alone, no one gets hurt.

Nurse Daniels:
My lawyer scheduled a meeting with Auschlander, trying to get me reinstated in emergency.

Dr. Ehrlich:
If you need a character reference, let me know. Despite what anybody may have told you, I've always been in your corner.

Nurse Daniels:
I know your heart's in the right place. So was Peter White's.

Dr. Ehrlich:
I got to go.

Nurse Daniels:
Cause if it wasn't, I'd have had to pull a trigger a third time, and blast a hole through his skull.

Dr. Ehrlich:
[Coughing] I got to go. I'll talk to you.

Carla Tortelli:
What do you want?

Dr. Craig:
I think I'd like something light, maybe you could suggest an aperitif?

Carla Tortelli:
What do I look like? A sommelier?

Cliff Clavin:
So, you three are of the medical persuasion, yeah? Because we all earn our income through the generosity of the federal government perhaps a little free attention is in order here. I got a pain in my arm.

Dr. Craig:
It's probably from slinging back all those mugs of beer all day long. No wonder the mail never gets delivered.

Carla Tortelli:
Hey, hey, hey where ya goin'? I brought you a Shirley Temple.

Dr. Craig:
For your information lady, I'm not drinking because I have a delicate operation to perform in the morning.

Carla Tortelli:
Fitting someone for a body bag?

Dr. Craig:
[to Westphall and Auschlander] Stiff her but good.

Dr. Ehrlich:
Dr. Craig, you're Episcopalian, is there a minimum income requirement to join?

Dr. Craig:
Will you stop being a moron?

Dr. Craig:
What are you doing?

Dr. Ehrlich:
I'm looking for the messiah.

Dr. Craig:
And I'm beginning to think that you're a 100% certifiable chuckle head.