The Cosby Show, Season 7

Rudy:
This is woman stuff. I really need to talk to mom.

Cliff:
I'm a gynecologist and you want to talk to a lawyer.

Elvin:
Why can't we just have simple bodies....like Dad.

Cliff:
This is your piece.

Sondra:
Elvin, I don't know what you see when you look in the mirror but your body is certainly not complicated.

Elvin:
Thank you Sondra, I'll be sure to keep my feelings about your body to myself.

Sondra:
What feelings?

Elvin:
It is not the time or place.

Sondra:
No, what feelings?

Elvin:
Your neck.

Sondra:
What's wrong with my neck?!

Elvin:
It's a shade thin, sometimes I wonder how you swallow.

Theo:
I know I've been there.

Clair:
Where? Where have you been? You have been nowhere. And that is where you're going to stay if you don't quit stirring up trouble.

Clair:
How about getting in the car to got to work and discovering your daughters understanding of 'empty' is 'I'll just park the car over here and mom will fill it up'.

Cliff:
How about leaving the car radio on so that both of us have a heart attack. Last time you left the thing on so loud your mother's hair went straight up!

Denise:
How about when you have a date with a guy you really like?

Vanessa:
Go ahead, tell him Denise.

Denise:
And your father insists on meeting him. So what does he do? He takes the guy into the kitchen...

Cliff:
Have a little talk.

Denise:
Yeah, have a little talk with your four-foot buck-knife!

Vanessa:
You took Jeremy into that kitchen, took two apples put them on top of each other. Said that was us. Took one of the apples, skinned it, and said that was him. I haven't heard from the boy since.

Rudy:
There I was in class when the teacher was talking about punctuation and I start my period.

Theo:
Ah, your just in time, turkey burgers all around.

Clair:
Alright, put one on my plate please? It looks good, I don't know what to put on it.

Cliff:
How about some mustard.

Clair:
Don't patronize me! I know what I want. I want some of the red stuff.

Theo:
Mom, it's ketchup. [Clair gives him a look]

Cliff:
Theo...[shakes his head no]

Theo:
Right mom, red stuff.

Clair:
Go get me a glass of water Rudy!?

Vanessa:
Mom, I'm Vanessa.

Clair:
Whoever you are, go get me a glass of water! No forget the water just give me ice, lots of ice! Pam get me a warm towel!?

Pam:
Coming right up.

Clair:
Oh, never mind, get out of my way! Ah this is so much better! [puts her face in the freezer]

Cliff:
Would you get me some ice cream while you're in there?

Clair:
Have you lost your mind, an ice cream would melt in this room, a person could burn up in this room. Never mind lets just get through this dinner! [slams the freezer door] Now where is Rudy?

Vanessa:
Don't you remember, Denise took Rudy out tonight.

Clair:
And who is Denise! Oh, that's right, that's the child's sister.

Theo:
Mom would you like some peas?

Clair:
I was hoping we have carrots. [starts crying]

Theo:
We can make carrots mom.

Clair:
It's too late, it's too late, I wanted something orange.

Cliff:
Why didn't you fix some carrots boy? You kids are not worth a nickel around here.

Vanessa:
Mom, its ok, they have tear ducts specialists for this.

Clair:
My tear ducts are fine, it's my children who are so stupid!

Clair and Cliff:
Gotcha!

Boy:
I don't care if he does leave the door open I'll do whatever I want.

Raheem:
So go close it.

Boy:
I'm doin' my homework u go close it!

Pam:
The truth is I was going to break curfew and take my punishment.

Clair:
Come here. And just how do you know what that punishment is?

Cliff:
Did Rudy tell you about that machine in the basement?

Slide:
Excuse me, Ms. Huxtable. It wasn't Pam's fault. She didn't even want to go. I talked her into it.

Cliff:
Well, then you must not be too much of a friend.

Slide:
Yeah. I care for her a lot.

Cliff:
Well, I don't think so. Because people you care for, you look after them.

Pam:
Dr. Huxtable, it's not all on Slide. I have a mind of my own.

Clair:
Then you better start using it!

Pam (to Cliff):
Would you treat that patient like a cousin or that patient like a patient?

Cliff:
I would treat that cousin like a patient.

Pam:
Would you give me a prescription for birth control pills?

Theo:
(talking to Pam about men) When I was Slide's age, I was a worm, but now...I'm only part worm.

Denise:
It says there is room for three kids.

Martin:
Where, on the stove?

Denise (pulling out one drawer):
Here's one.

Martin:
Olivia sleeps in a drawer?

Denise (pulling out another drawer):
Here's two. (studying the blueprint and walking toward the fridge) Here's three!

Martin:
Well, what if you get hungry in the middle of the night? What are you supposed to do, fold the kid up?

(After Alfred finally makes a basket...)

Theo:
How many is that?

Alfred:
Well, if you count all the shots I've taken today, I'm about 1 for 30.

Theo:
Well, let's just say that the first 29 were practice and this one really counted.

Alfred:
Thanks, Theo.

(After Alfred shoots and hits the backboard.)

Olivia:
WOW! You hit the backboard!

Alfred (laughing):
You just keep practicing and someday you will be good enough to hit the backboard, too!

Sondra (to Elvin about helping their friends move):
Honey, they have to be out by Sunday or pay an extra month's rent.

Elvin:
OK, don't they have other friends?

Sondra:
Yes they do, and they will also be there. Look honey, I promise it won't take more than two hours.

Elvin:
All right, all right. But we have to be out of there by 12:00 PM.

Sondra:
We will be. And Elvin, remember, they were kind enough to help us move.

Elvin:
Yes, but we were considerate enough not to move during football season.

Nancy:
Hey guys, I made coffee. Is decaf OK?

Elvin:
Great! (mumbles to Sondra) Decaf. I come here to do real work, they give me fake coffee!

Charmaine:
Study tips from a college man, I feel smarter already.

Theo:
Well for starters, no music, no dancing, no food and no friends.

Charmaine:
I do that at home, I study over here so I can be with Pam.

Pam:
You mean you study at home too?

Charmaine:
Yeah, don't you?

Pam:
No, I thought you got all those good grades because you were smart.

Charmaine:
I am smart, smart enough to know after I study here, I better study some more at home.

Cliff:
Last year I wanted a Maserati for my birthday and Mrs. Huxtable wouldn't let me have one.

Olivia:
Well, if you tell Daddy and Denise that I want a pony, I'll tell Mrs. Huxtable that you want a Mister Ragi!

Alicia:
(while in pain) My back!

Ray:
Your back?

Alicia:
Is killing me!

Ray:
I'll get the tennis balls and massage you. (starts massaging Alicia)

Alicia:
You're doing it all wrong.

Ray:
The book says...

Alicia:
Forget the book! That is not helping my back at all.

Cliff:
Try straight up and down motions.

Alicia:
Excuse me, it's my back. (realizing it's Cliff) Oh, try straight up and down.

(After Cliff and Clair walk into their bedroom and find Rudy and Olivia sleeping with cloves of garlic around them)

Clair:
Cliff? Why is Olivia holding that piece of meat?

Cliff:
Don't you get it, dear? It's the steak to drive through the vampire's heart!

(Clair laughs)

(After Olivia is told to eat liver)

Olivia:
Ew, I hate liver. It tastes icky

Clair:
Oh, but it's so good for you.

Olivia:
If it's so good for you, why don't you eat it?

Rudy:
Uh-oh.

Clair:
What did you just say to me, young lady?

Olivia:
I said, you eat it. Please.

Clair:
Okay. (starts eating)

Rudy:
Mom!

Clair:
Oh, but Rudy she said "please."

Olivia (turns to Cliff):
You eat it too. Please.

Cliff:
Please doesn't work on me.

Olivia:
I'll be your best friend.

(Cliff starts eating the liver)

Rudy:
Dad!

Cliff:
I want to be her best friend."

Jake:
Well, the good Lord put us on the Earth for different reasons; I can build nice shelves and you slap bottoms for a living.