The Looney Tunes Show, Season 2

Daffy:
[entering the house] We won again! One more goal, and the bobcats are state champions!

Bugs:
Oh, that's great! We should have a party to celebrate. [sits up, revealing to be fully weight gained] What?

Daffy:
You look different. Did you get a haircut?

Bugs:
No. (I didn't.)

Daffy:
Are those new gloves?

Bugs:
[looks at his gloves] No. (They're not.)

Bugs:
You know, if Daffy's team wins, we should celebrate. Have a party at my place tonight.

Porky:
Bugs, I don't think I should be your caterer anymore.

Bugs:
What?

Porky:
Those recipes aren't healthy. No one's supposed to eat that much butter.

Bugs:
Aw, come on. What's the big deal?

Porky:
I think you're the big deal.

Porky:
What's with the sunglasses?

Daffy:
I'm keeping a low profile.

Witch Hazel:
[knocks off Daffy's sunglasses with her wand; annoyed] You got some nerve!

Daffy:
What? Because of the email? Because I said you're scary witch? You're not!

[Bugs is seen driving a boat unaware Lola is right behind him driving a ski boat calling out to him. He finally hears her and looks back and surprised to see her]

Bugs Bunny:
Lola?

[He stops his boat causing Lola accidentally crash into the back fly right in. Bugs lifts her up]

Bugs Bunny:
[amused at Daffy’s lobster pain] Relatively painless.

Daffy Duck:
People need to chill out.

Daffy:
Bag-less, light weight, durable five-year warranty, free ship… Free shipping? Hello, mommy. I think someone just made her way to my cart. Do I wanna proceed to checkout or buy all my items with a simple quick click? Do you have to ask? Quick click. See you babies in three to five business days.

Bugs:
[offscreen] Daffy!

[Outside, Bugs and Daffy stand in front of the garage as Bugs opens the garage door and the inside reveals lots of packages]

Daffy:
Yeah?

Bugs:
What is all this?

Daffy:
Stuff I bought on the Internet.

Bugs:
How did you pay for it?

Daffy:
You don't have to pay for it. You just press quick click.

Bugs:
You used my computer! The quick click is connected to my bank account!

Daffy:
Oh, that's why it always says, "Thank you for purchase, Mr. Bunny."

Bugs:
It's all going back.

Daffy:
But I need all this stuff!

Bugs:
I think you have a shopping problem.

Daffy:
I don't have a shopping problem.

Bugs:
Oh, really? A battery operated spaghetti fork?

Daffy:
It's the ultimate time saver. Says it right there on the package.

Bugs:
It's going back.

Daffy:
What are you doing?! You can't return my toilet paper warmer! You want me to use cold toilet paper?

Bugs:
Video games? What are you, nine years old?

Daffy:
It's not just any video game, it's the best video game. "Gribbler's Quest 4: Elves VS. Fairies VS. Gribblers." You can play it as an elf or as a fairy. But you have to get to level 15 to be a gribbler.

Bugs:
[annoyingly swipes the game console out of his hands] I don't want one more package delivered to this house.

Daffy:
Fine. [shouting as Bugs goes inside the house] I would've let you use the toilet paper warmer!

Bugs:
[closes the front door and walks into the kitchen] "Elves VS. Fairies VS. Gribblers." [sets the game console down on the table and gets a soda can out from the fridge] What the heck is a gribbler, anyway?

Pepe:
I know in the past, we've talked a lot about my fear of commitment. Uh, I don't know if this qualifies as a breakthrough or not, uh, but this week, I've decided to try online dating.

Daffy:
What is this?

Yosemite Sam:
It's a group therapy.

Daffy:
What? I don't need group therapy.

Yosemite Sam:
Shh!

Therapist:
Sam, do you have anything you'd like to share?

Yosemite Sam:
I had, uh, I had a setback this week. I shot my dry cleaner.

Pepe:
[shocked] Huh?!

Yosemite Sam:
Oh, it's just a water pistol, but I-I just kept a-shootin'. I couldn't stop. I just felt so angry.

Therapist:
Why were you angry?

Yosemite Sam:
They didn't get the stain out of my kerchief.

Therapist:
Do you think your anger might have been… misdirected?

Yosemite Sam:
Oh, wow. I hadn't thought of that. Well, I wasn't mad at him at all.

Therapist:
How do you think you're actually angry with?

Yosemite Sam:
It was those kids. I'm mad at all those kids who used to tease me on the playground! It's not my fault I had a mustache in 3rd grade. I just wanted to be like everybody else. [bursts into tears] No one gave me a chance!

[As the three are stranded in Alaska]

Sylvester:
Sufferin' succotash, where are we?

Taz:
Ooohh. Cold! Taz hate cold!

Tweety:
Oh, what a disastrous place this is! I'm already freezing my tail feathers off! [He touched his tail feather and it falls out]

Sylvester:
Don't panic. Maybe I can see home from the top of that mountain.

Tweety:
Mountain? You'll be a frozen catsicle before you ever get there.

Sylvester:
Look, bird. It's your fault we're in this resulting predicament!

Tweety:
My fault? I didn't do nothing!

Sylvester:
You tempted me.

Tweety:
By taking a bath? You got problems, man! I'm going to find a nice, warm town!

Sylvester:
You, beast! Coming with me?

Taz:
Taz.

Sylvester:
What?

Taz:
Name, Taz!

Sylvester:
Let's go, Taz. I hope I never see you again, bane of my existence!

[Bugs, Daffy, Porky, and Rodney are all hanging out at Speedy's Pizzariba]

Rodney:
Man, Bugs, you haven't changed a bit.

Porky:
Eh, so how did you guys meet?

Rodney:
Summer camp.

Daffy:
Lame.

Bugs:
Camp Winninake.

Porky:
Camp Winninake? I went to Camp Winninake!

Bugs:
Oh, really? I don't remember you there. What cabin were you in? We were Cabin Seven, the Sharks.

Porky:
Oh, Cabin Three, the Tadpoles. None of us could swim, so we did a lot of inside activities.

Rodney:
Ooh, man, I remember the first day of camp. I didn't even want to get off the bus. But then I met Bugs, and we became best friends.