The Mighty B!

Ben:
[hopeful] Every superhero needs a sidekick!

Bessie:
I'm not the Mighty B yet, Ben, I still have 4,584 badges to go!

Bessie:
H- Hi. My name is Bessie Higgenbottom. And Happy sends his sincere regrets....but we have mutually decided to part ways....as...committed......and caring friends.

Bessie:
And...he...(her eyes tearing)...is no longer......my dog. (runs off-stage)

Bessie:
[listing reason for a dog] One: I've always wanted a dog. Two: If I get a dog, I can put it in the Honeybee dog show and win the Animal Appreciation badge, and that is the badge that I really really really really really really really really really really want.(later) Forty-five: If we got a dog, it could guard our apartment! Forty-six: Dogs are nice. Forty-seven: Dogs aren't cats. Forty-eight: When your tired, you can rest your head on it like a pillow! (later) Seven- hundred twenty-nine: If I got a dog, I would rescue it, and there are over 1682 homeless animals in the city of San Fransisco! Go would it be great Mom? Would it be great if I rescue a homeless dog?

Hilary:
Yes! Bessie! Yes go! Rescue a dog.

Hilary:
But you have to take your brother.

Portia:
(about Happy) Well, that's a filthy thing! Where'd you get him? A shelter? With all the dirty people and all the dirty things?

Gwen:
She found him in a dumpster! (starts laughing)

Bessie:
Hey Rocky! Awesome Moves

Rocky:
Hey Bessie! Want to hang out with us?

Bessie:
(grabs Rocky's skateboard) I wish I could but I can't but, I'll see you later! (runs off with Rocky's skateboard)

Rocky:
Oh, no.....

Bessie:
Well, that's gravity for you!

Mr. Wu:
So, Mighty B, it appears you have defeated me. I honor you with a fresh dumpling! (feeds Bessie dumpling)

Bessie:
Just so you know, I'm fine with losing. Happy's one of a kind and he's my friend and I love him! Always tip your waitresses

Bessie:
Bessie Higgenbottom reporting for duty! (trips)

Bessie:
I made up this whole training schedule. It's color coded and I used those markers that smell like candy but, they don't taste like candy....

Bessie:
(sees dog lying on street and walks up to him) Hi! I'm Bessie Higgenbottom and- (gasps) Look at your torn ear! Awesome! I hate perfect ears! I hate perfect anything! (smiles widely)

Ben:
[about Happy] I can't believe it! He's the worst dog I've ever met!

Bessie:
You're six! How many dogs have you met?!

Ben:
Are you going to your troop meeting? Can I come?!

Bessie:
(sings) Noooooooooooooooooo!

Mr. Wu:
So, Mighty B, we meet again.

Bessie:
(in Mighty B form) Prepare to face the awesome sting of the Mighty B!

Bessie:
[to the girls in line] Hey you guys! Are you ready to rock this bad boy?

Portia:
Ready? I'm wearing double scrunches, aren't I?

Bessie:
(looking at a blimp wearily) I'm so tall, I could touch that balloon if I really wanted to!

Roller Operator:
Sorry, dude! This just is much more stressful than it looks with all the ticket taking and lever pulling...

Bessie:
Here it is, Happy. The moment we've been training for. Now we're probably gonna do a lot of screaming, so let's do some vocal warm-ups. AAAAAGGGGHHHHH!

Happy:
AAAAAAAHHHH!

Bessie:
Whoooooooaaaa! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go!

Happy:
Ruff! Ruff! Ruff! Ruff! Ruff!

Bessie:
WHOOOOOOOAAA!

Happy:
AAAAHHHOOOOO!

Bessie:
WHOOOOOOOAAAA!

Happy:
AAAAAHHOOOO!

Bessie:
...Meow.

Roller Operator:
Keep your hands inside the car at all times, don't disengage the safety bar, you puke you clean it. Have a nice ride!

Bessie:
(hanging on jungle gym with Ben and Happy pulling her) Come on! Put your back into it! (the jungle gym falls on them) Ow.......

Bessie:
Happy, if anything happens, I give you the hive. (turns to Ben) You can have my flip-flops.

Ben:
Yes!

Bessie:
(shouting into mirror) Oh yeah! I can feel it! Who's tall enough!?! Who's tall enough?!? Yeah, that's right! Me!

Bessie:
This is practice for the highly unlikely event that I might have a vomiting episode.

Bessie:
(vomits after riding roller coaster) Awesome!

Bessie:
I have rights! I demand to ride this ride! (she notices the man isn't listening) Come on, Happy, lets go ride the stupid teacups!

Bessie:
Please, sir. I need this!

Bessie:
You better take a mind picture, ladies because, this is a day we will never forget!

Bessie:
(on torture rack at museum, noticing a crowd is watching her) Oh, hello people! Just... you know, stretching the old legs!

Roller Operator:
Look, if you're not going to offer me any of your fries, stop talking about them.

Bessie:
(after man rips off her Japanese shirt) Please! Please, you can't dismantle my national custom!

Bessie:
Now remember, Happy, we are from Japan, we are from Japan.

Bessie:
(on roller coaster) Sir! I think someone left their chewed up hot dog pieces in...

Penny:
[nervous about babysitting] Bessie, maybe we shouldn't.... There are four of them, and two of us. We're outnumbered three to one!

Portia:
If babysitting Gwen's little brothers right now while me and Gwen go to the store is your dream, who are we to stand in your way?

Bessie:
Exactly! I think.

Bessie:
[smelling something stinky; disgusted] Ugh. Penny!

Penny:
It wasn't me! It was the couch.

Bessie:
(pulls baby out of couch) Oh, boy! A bonus baby!

Penny':
And I found a peanut. [sucks the peanut up her nose and eats it]

Portia:
I just feel like, I'm having a really pretty week right now. I feel so pretty!

Hippie:
(flying through air after being knocked off his bike by Bessie) Wow! It's happening! I'm flying! My father was wrong!

Penny:
I'm flying! My father was wrong!

Bessie:
[yelling in deep voice] BABY, YOU CRAWL OVER HERE RIGHT NOW! YOU CAN PUT IT IN A DIAPER, BUT YOUR BUTT BELONGS TO ME!!! [in normal voice] Move it or lose it! And be careful.

Penny:
(about the triangle) Its name is the same as its shape.

Bessie:
(to Rocky's band) Sorry, you guys but, when a fellow Honeybee tears a wing, I must help her patch it up. Or glue it. Or use a staple.

Penny:
Guys, I think there are like thirty people out there.... (scared)

Gwen:
Try three-thousand!

Bessie:
Yeah, I've got a lot of stuff to do before we practice too, like... practice, and... practice....

Ben:
How do you play a dog? (pokes Happy)

(Happy growls)

Anton:
(picks up rock from science fair contestant) This isn't even labeled properly. It should be labeled, "I bored everyone to death at the science fair."

(Emily pushes a woman)

Bessie:
I'm so sorry! Emily, you didn't mean to hurt anyone did you?

Emily:
Sorry.

(woman pushes Bessie)

Portia:
(inside Bessie's robot) That's a pulley. She totally stole my idea.

(Ben pours juice into robot prototype)

Bessie:
Ben, stop. You don't put juice into a robot! Geez....

Bessie:
I'm a one man band! (plays her nose and makes armpit farts)

Band Member #1:
She's like 4 2'!

Bessie:
I can wear my moon boots!

Anton:
You're not Portia.

Gwen:
Yeah, Portia's sick.

Anton:
How sick?

Gwen:
Uh... big pimple.

(after Bessie saves Emily from falling through a bridge)

Bessie:
Once again The Mighty B conquers fate!

Bessie:
Geez, everyone wants a piece of the genius!

Mrs. Gibbons:
[enraged] Bessie, you have ruined the… [in deep voice] Honeybee Science Fair for everyone! DISQUALIFY HER!!

Hilary:
What about a simple machine?

Bessie:
You mean like a pulley? Why don't I just roll a wheel down a hill and call it and day?!

Bessie:
(to Happy) Are you still mad about the steak tip? I mean, I know I should have asked you first but, I just thought it was a nice gesture. I would have had you sign the card but, your paw print isn't legible. I mean, everyone thinks you're a rabbit!

Bessie:
(to Rose after tattoo is washed off) You're not Happy's mom! There's an imposter among us!

Portia:
Did you hear that, Messie? She'd call you stinky.

Bessie:
She also said wonder.

Bessie:
Did I say trapped? I meant stuck!

Penny:
Stuck!? Forever and ever and ever and ever and ever?!

Bessie:
PENNY! GO TO YOUR QUIET PLACE!

Penny:
I have to go right now. Right now!

Bessie:
I hear ya. When a bee has to pee, a bee has a pee!

Bessie:
(looking around) This isn't a bathroom… it's a brain!

Penny:
I can't pee in someone's brain!

Penny:
I can't hold it all the way to the head!

Bessie:
Think positive, Pen! You are a Bee. Picture your magnificent Bee wings flying you over a river of obstacles, letting all of your fear flow out of you!

Penny:
(pleading) Don't say "flow"!

[Meanwhile…]

Rainbow:
When we get sick, it means a foreign bacteria or virus has invaded our bodies- just like bill collectors or guys in suits telling you to pay your taxes. We attack them, and we throw them out!

Mrs. Gibbons:
(smirking) Hm... surprise, surprise. The hippie doesn't like to pay taxes.

Penny:
Come on, Bessie, don't give up now! I'm starving!

Bessie:
(gasps surprisingly; offended) I thought you had to pee!

Penny:
I do! It's making me hungry.

Rainbow:
Look at these white blood cells, united together to fight off the government- I mean, disease!

Mrs. Gibbons:
Could we focus on something a little less violent like.... (closed her eyes) blinking?

Rainbow:
Food is the fuel of the body, and the stomach is where it gets digested. What kind of food should we feed this body today, anyone?

Portia:
Sushi.

Rainbow:
I heard chili. Chili it is!

Bessie:
Penny, this could be it! And I just wanted to say, I'm sorry I lied that time about riding a baby elephant!

Penny:
I forgive you Bessie! I really don't have a unicorn in my basement!

Bessie:
(while being swept away) No, you do, I've seen it!

Rainbow:
Uh, wasn't that moving?

Mrs. Gibbons:
THE DISCOVERTORIUM IS GOING TO RECEIVE A DRY CLEANING BILL AND A VERY STRONG LETTER!!!

Ben:
Bessie, what's the Mighty bee's weakness?

Bessie:
(laughing) Excuse me? Her what?

Ben:
Ever single super hero I know has a weakness which robs them of their powers. Eraser Girl has permanent ink, Black T-Shirt Guy has dandruff-

Bessie:
(stammering) No-no she-she doesn't. You-you would think she did but she doesn't have anything like that. She is in a word, indestructible, and now I must leave.

(Bessie knocks on Penny's window at night, Penny opens the window)

Penny:
What are you doing here in the middle of the night? It must be eight-thirty o'clock!

Penny:
(walks up to bat mitzah guest) Hi, I'm Penny, your cousin from Tele... tele.... television! I'm Penny, your cousin from television!

Bessie:
(about monkey in diapers) It's so cute I wanna eat it!

Chelsea:
"Because" is not an answer. Why were you sitting at the head table? You know you're not head table.

Portia:
(whimpering on the verge of tears) I said, sorry…

Chelsea:
(disgusted, walking away) Laters, Portia. You are so officially NOT my cousin.

(Portia breaks down in tears)

Chelsea:
Portia, you are so DEAD!

Portia:
Is that Messy… on TV? They're letting "uggos" on TV now? TV is supposed to be for attractive people. [sniffles] Like me.

[Penny's phone rings and she answers it]

Gwen:
Penny, get over here.

Portia:
Now, Penny.

Gwen:
Finally What took so long?

Penny:
[catching her breath] I had to use my legs.

Portia:
I totally cannot believe you would go on TV with Messy and not call me. You know the camera loves me.

Penny:
Bessie's trying to ban zucchini because it makes her barf and now she's famous. That means free stuff.

[Portia and Gwen look over a No Zukes! website on the computer, with over 1,000,007 views]

Gwen:
Yo, I don't get it. Bessie's has over a million hits in the last two days.

Portia:
Because of zucchini?! Has the world gone crazy?!? [thwacks the computer off the table; hugs herself, sobbing] SHE'S ON TV!!!

Portia:
What's wrong? Don't like zucchini bread?

Gwen:
Mmm, cream of zucchini.

Portia:
Corgette sandwich? That's French for "Zucchini."

Penny:
Zucchini...bookmark?

Bessie:
But I thought...

Portia:
[maliciously] Did you think all the puke-ini was gone? Poor Bessie.

[Gwen, Portia, and Penny all start walking closer Bessie as she backs away from them]

Gwen:
You forgot about a little something called the freezer section.

Portia:
Oh, Bessie, you look pale. Zucchini tea?

Bessie:
I can't... take...much more. [turns away from them and runs to a nearby closet]

Portia:
I like to call it, "zu-tea-ni."

[Bessie runs into the nearby closet and closes the door, only to be confronted by a stack full of zucchini and screams in horror]

Gwen:
I can see you, Sherlock Homie!

Bessie:
(sitting with Penny, Gwen and Portia) Ah, finally some quality time together. Nothing like tiny beads and fishing line to keep our bee bond strong!

Bessie:
Are you gonna help me?

Ben:
Yes?

Bessie:
(shakes Ben's hand, Ben looks excited) Great! Glad to have you aboard! Gimme all your Halloween candy. (Ben's excitement fades)

Penny:
(walks into birthday party blindfolded) Is it everything you saw, Bessie?

Bessie:
(looks at Gwen, Portia, and Penny's dad with a cake) Well... there's cake!

Bessie:
Penny, I'm the amazing Bessie. Don't you believe me?

Penny:
Of course I do! My own pony! I'm gonna go home and set up his litter box!

Bessie:
(looking at Honeybee badge list) There is an ESP badge! I knew it! (looking afraid) I knew it......

Bessie:
(feels curtain) Ah, velvet. Glamorous!

Bessie:
Wait, I always put badges on the outside of my sash, what's a few boogers on the inside?

Bessie:
Ah, Fingare. You pick even better than you scratch. But, can you flick?

Penny:
(eating crickets) You guys taste as cute as you look!

Portia:
I'm gonna go chew gum. Who wants to come watch?

Bessie:
I do always say, we should explore our oceans and rivers before we conquer space!

Mrs. Gibbons:
Boss, now That was a nice ring. (looks down) Eek! let's lose the yellow eye shadow, girls. Not even I can sell that.

Portia:
Mommy, my finger tips are starting to chafe, Tiiiirrrrred.

Portia:
Mommy, bessie's in my room. Call the police!

Mrs. Gibbons:
Try to ignore her, dear, she's helping mommy sell her makeup.

Mrs. Gibbons:
(on seeing Ben running around on all fours and barking) Well, the Higgenbottom boy's deranged...

Bessie:
Marco!

Happy:
Polo!

Bessie:
Marco!

Happy:
Polo!

Bessie:
Marco!

Happy:
Polo!

Bessie:
(rushes into portia's room and uncovers happy's cage) Now aren't you glad I taught you Marco Polo? (unlocks the cage to victory then suddenly portia arrives)

Portia:
Whaddya think you're doing, stinkenbottom?

Bessie:
He's my dog, portia. And we're going home together!

Portia:
You're not going anywhere! (happy breaks his diamond collar and portia freaks) ahhh! those are 14 carat cubic zirconia, you classless mutt!

Ben:
If I didn't have such a sweet deal with Mom, I'd go live with Portia, too!

Bessie:
Come on, Ben!

Ben:
I told you, my dog name is "Pizza"!

Bessie:
(dusting badges while standing on Sissy's shoulders) Thanks, Sis. I've been trying to reach that row forever!

Bessie:
I organize it using the Dewey Decimal System. If it's good enough for the library of Congress it's good enough for Bessie Higgenbottom!

Virginia:
(coughs) Sorry, I got that jet-lag.

Hilary:
(pours drink) Oh, this should help. Yorgomata?

Virginia:
I'm a what?

Bessie:
Awesome accent! Everything sounds so glamorous when you say it!

Bessie:
Where are they? I hope the plane didn't take a wrong turn mom. Mom, maybe we should call the Honeybee exchange program! Mom, what if our guests are lost?

Hilary:
Honey, calm down. They should be here any minute!

Bessie:
Ah, but I can't stand it! I can't wait to meet my foreign bee friend!

Hilary:
Bessie, I keep trying to tell you, Sissy's from Boston! The east coast isn't another country!

Bessie:
Does she speak English? Does she watch TV? Is her winter my summer? Does she wear pants?!

Bessie:
What time is it?! Did we miss a meeting

Sissy:
No, I'm just an early bird.

Bessie:
I am too! Sometimes I don't even sleep I get up so early!

Portia:
I want a half balloon! Figure it out!

Richard and Nick:
Uh...

Portia:
If you don't find a half balloon, then you can't have any Chiffon cake. Mom said.

Bessie:
Tell me... where were you when the lights went out?

Gwen:
Waiting for cake like everyone else!

Bessie:
Ah-ha! So you admit you were at the scene of the crime!

Bessie:
(sees rock) Uh-huh... This narrows it down to.... everyone in this room! Bum bum bum!

[Bessie is put into court and banned from the Honeybee troop after letting out a fart]

Mrs. Gibbons:
Do you have representation, Stinkenbottom?

Bessie:
No. But I have a lawyer.

Mrs. Gibbons:
Proceed.

Gwen:
Prosecution calls first witness!

Portia:
It was her! It was horrible! HORRIBLE!!! [sobs]

Gwen:
Get it out, girl! Tell it, Tell it!

Portia:
I was trying to tell everyone about new line of non-fattening lip gloss, and suddenly, there was this huge-like explosion!

[Flashback to that incident when Bessie lets out an exploded fart]

Penny:
It smelled like, rotten eggs and chocolate ice cream.

Bessie:
I can't help it! I'm lactose intolerant! [Gwen gives Happy a dog treat and he speaks in dog gibberish] Happy!

[Happy nervously laughs and walks sadly away]

Mrs. Gibbons:
What is your defense, guilty one?

Bessie:
Um… "Whoever smelt it, delt it?"

[Everyone in the court and Happy clamor angrily over what she said]

Mrs. Gibbons:
[banging the gavel] "Whoever deny-eth it, supply-eth it!" [Gwen gives her a note] Bessie Higgenbottom, a jury of your peers finds you guilty of grievous flatulence in the first, second, and third degree!

Penny:
You can't handle the truth!

Mrs. Gibbons:
Honeybees don't...f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-FAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRT!!!

Bessie:
Ever?

Mrs. Gibbons:
NEVER.

Bessie:
In that case, your honor. Having greivously… [Penny farts with her armpit] What she said. [takes off her badge sash] I am aware that the Honeybee code of honor hearby decades, said I must wherefore resign from the enmity known as the Honeybee Troop No. 828. A California scorning of San Francisco. Does this mean I get the Self Sacrifice Badge?

Mrs. Gibbons:
[swipes the sash out of Bessie's hands] No. You have nothing to put it on. [also takes away her hat and her Honeybee handbook]

[Bessie looks at herself, shocked in disgrace as everyone takes pictures of her for the newspaper article reading:
"SHE WAS STRIPPED BECAUSE SHE RIPPED!"]

Gwen:
What's up? Where we going?

Portia:
On a field trip! Messie's not the only one who can make things happen!

Penny:
To the exploratorium?

Portia:
I cancelled that! We're going to the mall to watch me try on makeup.

Ben:
(tied to a chair) No, I won't do it!

Gwen:
(certain) Oh yes, you will.

Portia:
What is Bessie's middle name? Finish this word: Ka-ka...

Ben:
(anguished) What would happen if I tell is worse than anything you can ever do to me!

Portia:
Oh, we're not gonna do anything to you. But I can't say the same for your stupid bear-doll. (holding the bear)

Gwen:
(takes out a file from the drawer) Bingo! Bessie's birth certificate.

Portia:
Give me, give me! (takes out the birth certificate and finds Bessie's middle name completely cut out, and steams up with her face all red with rage)

Portia:
Understand what, Messy Kajolica? (laughs manically and some of her hair comes off) Where was I? Oh yeah. (laughs more manically) Kajolica! ♫ For she's Kajolica fellow ♫ (more of her hair falls out) My hair! Some of these aren't even extensions. What is going on?

Gwen:
(laughing) I… Can't stop saying it. Kajolica! Ha ha, ha ha- (wallpaper peels and wraps over her mouth, silencing her, then snatches her)

Bessie:
(as Penny is about to speak) Penny, no! Everyone, it's time your heard the truth. Some years ago, Ben and I discovered that my middle name is not only very embarrassing, it is cursed. You heard me, cursed! When ever somebody says it out loud something bad happens, usually immediately like just now.

Ben:
See, told ya it would be worse if I told ya!

Porita:
Um, I like sent it to everyone in my bee-berry. Is that bad? (her bee-berry phone explodes)

Bessie:
Ben, we gotta go. (rushes out of the house with him)

Chai Gallagher:
Personal computers all over San Francisco have been attacked by an aggressive email virus, known only as, "Kajolica."

Bessie:
(after coming back to The Hive) Ben, shut the window down. I can't listen to that song anymore.

Ben:
(with the singing outside) Well it's better than everyone saying Kajolica. ( The Hive explodes Into a Million Pieces, cut then to Bars and Tone.)

[At the Recreation Center, all the Honeybees girls complain to Mrs. Gibbons about Bessie stealing all their taffy from last night]

Portia:
Mommy, she ruined taffy selling season!

Mrs. Gibbons:
Bzz, bzz! Settle down, bees!

Millie:
[upset] I just can't believe Bessie took my taffy.

Penny:
I thought it was Santa.

Mrs. Gibbons:
Hmm… I always knew she had a dark side.

Bessie:
[to the Honeybee taffy factory workers] I demand an explanation! Why are you using 91% pure fake honey?! [the Honeybee girls all gasp in shock] From concentrate?! [the Honeybee girls all gasp again]

Fritz:
I will never shoot a photo of you and your filthy pooch as long as I live.

[During the trick of skating to Pier 13 instead of 31]

Bessie:
Um, did we take the wrong turn?

Portia:
This is Pier 31, right?

Black Widow 1:
Wrong This is Pier 13.

Black Widow 2:
Black Widow territory!

Roller Coaster Man:
Sorry, small fry. Hey! Fries....

Sissy:
My pleasure. It's truly awesome.

Sissy:
Hey! Someone's a real sharp dresser!