The Mindy Project, Season 3

Mindy:
How about we go to the bedroom and you show me if there’s any room in your closet for me.

Danny:
No. No, there’s no space for you in there because that’s where all my pressed jeans go, okay? There’s no room for you. You got this now, okay?

Mindy:
Maybe we should just go and, uh, check anyway.

Danny:
I don’t need to check. I’m telling you right now, there’s no room for you in there.

Mindy:
Have sex with me in your closet, you dumb-dumb.

Peter:
What's the most valuable thing in the world to you? The thing that you treasure above all else?

Mindy:
My signed photo of Kris Jenner.

Peter:
Do you ever not know exactly where that is or exactly what it's doing?

Mindy:
No, that thing's locked behind plate glass in my--That son of a--!

Mindy:
If you go blind, I'm gonna get so fat.

Mindy:
He thought it was something I had done thousands of times. Like jaywalking, or lying under oath.

Jeremy:
Peter, we used to be such good chums.

Peter:
We did use to share a work toothbrush.

Jeremy:
We did?

Beverly:
Yeah, we all did!

Peter:
We did?

Shonda Rhimes:
Writing's how I pay the bills, but my passion is beer pong.

Mindy:
I'm not late! It's 9:19, which is practically 9:15. Which is basically 9. Danny, if anything, I'm early.

Mindy:
[in the bathtub] Danny, my beloved sex partner, get in here. Welcome to your erotic bath.

Danny:
I don't know. Baths? Isn't that like marinating in your own filth?

Mindy:
Danny, come on. Cosmo says that taking a bath together is the #9 way to have a horny autumn. Don't you wanna have a horny autumn?

Danny:
You gotta stop sending me all those nudies.

Mindy:
Oh, I will never stop sending nudies. That's my First Amendment right!

Mindy:
I'm actually happy that Danny's gone, 'cause I'm his secret Santa and I don't know what to get him.

Peter:
Golf balls.

Mindy:
No, that's for white people; Danny's Italian.

Morgan:
Meatballs.

Mindy:
No, I'll just eat them.

Dr. Ledreau:
I'm working on this recommendation for Dr. Lahiri, and I'm wondering if you know any adjectives other than Indian. I'm stumped.... I'd prefer to please here, especially if there's a possibility of her following through on any of those threats.

Peter:
So the girl Danny picked for me is dating you, but thinks you're me?

Morgan:
Yes! It only took you twenty minutes to understand that. Please, help me!

Peter:
I'm fighting two urges here: Date a smart, beautiful woman I have earned through self-improvement, or help a bro get a girl by lying.

Morgan:
You should know we slept together.

Peter:
She's all yours, Morgan.

Morgan:
Thank you, Peter.

Mindy:
Stanford will just be another dead professional dream, like being an astronaut or an African dictator.

Danny:
What's this? Are all the men from your church still at the office?

Jean:
No, this is an all-female living nativity.

Danny:
Everybody?

Jean:
Yeah!

Danny:
The shepherds? The little drummer boy?....Are those the three wise women?

Jean:
Yes.

Danny:
OK, I gotta get outta here. This is basically witchcraft.

Mindy:
I actually don't speak any Indian languages, but I do know how to do a kinda offensive Indian accent.

Mindy:
All my alumni emails go to spam, 'cause they're always asking me for money. Because, one time I fell through a stained-glass window.

Mindy:
Hey girls! I'm back! Did you miss me?

Tamra:
You were gone?

Beverly:
Well of course she was gone! She was picking up her Nobel Peace Prize. Your head healed real nice.

Danny:
She thinks you're Malala.

Mindy:
[holding a pregnancy test] Yeah, this one is positive. Which makes 30 positives. But there was that one negative!

Neepa:
The negative was a popsicle stick.

Mindy:
Do you even bother telling your boyfriend if there's only, like, a 96% chance you could be pregnant?

Neepa:
100% chance. It was a popsicle stick! I saw you eat the popsicle, and then draw this little minus sign on it and then pee on it, for some reason!

Mindy:
I knew I shouldn't have told you, but it's not my fault! I have ADHDTV.

Peter:
I saw Henry and Lauren for about an hour or two, then they saw me and I ran away.

Mindy:
You know what? It's only stalking if it doesn't work. You make her love you!