The Penguins of Madagascar, Season 2

[At the Lemur Habitat, wooden debris is seen falling from the sky from Rico's Explosion]

King Julien:
That was the most "awesome-est" thing I have ever seen that wasn't me!

[Rico laughs with joy at being able to blow something up]

Skipper:
Rico! [The other Penguins show up at the Lemur Habitat, all looking angry] Who authorized that billboard detonation, hmm?!

Julien:
Who authorized anybody to care? Ha! The shiny face sign is gone, and there was exploding! Haha! High-five the awesome baby!

Rico:
Alright! (high-fives with Julien)

Kowalski:
(to Skipper with reminding words) You did tell him to take care of King Julien's problem...

Julien:
You know? I can think of many other things that also could use a good "Kabooming," if you know what I mean!

[Rico tingles all over while giving a content shudder of ecstasy at the thought]

Skipper:
Whoa, Ringtail! There's a reason we don't let Rico go wild with the kaboom. He needs a guiding hand to pull him back before things go too far-- [Rico and Julien then doze off from Skipper's warning about Rico's problem, instead imagining what they can blow up by constantly repeating the phrase "Kaboom" in their heads] --fiery end of life as we know it! Comprende?

Rico & Julien:
(monotoned) Kaboom! Kaboom!

Julien:
(regains consciousness) Uh-heh, I mean, of course! It is unwise that we two shall Kaboom together (winks to Rico) ever again.

Private:
Why are you winking?

Julien:
Because, I'm... allergic to, uh... Shut up, okay?

[Julien pushes The Penguins out of his habitat]

[Inside the Lemur Habitat, Julien and Rico are now in front of Julien's throne, which has been rigged with some explosives]

Julien:
You are my minister of awesome!!

Rico:
YAA-HOO-HOOOO!! (high-fives Julien)

[The other penguins shortly arrive after]

Skipper:
(demandingly angry) Rico! Explain yourself, soldier!

Julien:
Ah! Check it out! You remember my old, boring, and lame throne?

Rico:
(agreeing with Julien) Eh?

Julien:
Now, thanks to the crazy penguin with the sick skills, it explodes like a rock-and-roller concert every time you say the word "Julien!"

[As Julien says his name, a shower of fireworks shoots up from the devices on his throne]

Rico:
(rock star-esque voice) AAAAAAAAAH, YEAH!!!

Skipper:
Move in hard and fast, men! Rico's a danger to himself and others. We never leave a madman behind.

Julien:
Haha! Too late, you silly penguin! Already he is expanding my kingdom with the most "mayhem-iest" destructo machine ever! Hahaha!-- [Just as Julien starts laughing, Rico is heard making a buzzing noise from Julien's throne and is seen shuddering violently] Okay, why is he just standing there?

[Rico's shuddering turns even more violently]

Skipper:
YOU MANIAC! YOU LET HIM GO TOO FAR!! He's built up too much psychotic pressure!

Julien:
Too much... what?

Private:
Don't you see? RICO IS THE DESTRUCTO MACHINE!!

[Inside the Lemur Habitat, Rico, now completely insane, proceeds to cause all sorts of chaos. This includes destroying Julien's throne and regurgitating all sorts of items everywhere. His items cause a giant crack in Julien's concrete pedestal and destroys it. Rico then proceeds to attack several nearby items such as trees and bamboo inside the Lemur habitat. All the while, there are explosions being seen from inside the habitat, to Julien's horror]

[After Rico's rampage has caused destruction to the Lemur Habitat]

Julien:
(devastated) My... kingdom...

Private:
You did the right thing, Julien... Eventually... When you had no other choice... Um... Good job?

Julien:
(delighted) Look how roomy it is now! Finally, a habitat fit for a king! Come, Maurice, let us wallow in the luxurious nothing!

Mort:
Hooray for nothing!

[Julien and the others leave to observe their "new" habitat as Private goes to join the other Penguins]

Man over PA:
OK, guys. That's 9:00! Unbolt the doors...

Man over PA:
....and stand back!

Private:
Oooh.

Man:
[referring to Private] Talking penguin? [he shakes him] What is this? 2005?

Private:
Aaaaaahhhhh!

Kowalski:
[exhausted] Maybe at a different toy store?

Kowalski:
[woozy] Perhaps direct from the factory?

(Skipper is discussing the value of the diamond necklace.)

Skipper:
Yes, the kind of riches that turns men into animals and animals into… Kowalski what’s more savage than animals?

Kowalski:
Hmmm… malfunctioning garbage disposals?

Skipper:
C’mon, you’re not even trying.

[Willing to see Shauna, Private veers to the right and blatantly avoids the Deli and descends to the right ground.]

Skipper:
Uh? Kowalski, what’s on the right side of the Deli?

Kowalski:
I believe that would be Gunnerson’s Home of Rusty Bear Traps.

Rico:
[facepalms] Oh boy...

[Private falls there and shouts in pain as the sound of bear traps snapping is heard.]

Kowalski:
“Of course! It’s the salt. The sodium granules released from the pretzel cart into the convective cloud layer must have sparked a freezing nucleation reaction and BOOM! Instant rain.”

Kowalski:
I like peanuts, and I like butter, but I do not like peanut butter... [breaks the fourth wall with a creepy grin of idiocy] WEIRD!

Skipper:
So we’re stuck with the stupid Kowalski, well maybe it’s a good thing. I mean we were all getting tired of his big high, fleeting words like recalcitrant, right? I mean, what is that? Recalcitrant. Do I like recalcitrant to you?

Rico:
Uh huh.

Kowalski:
Oh YEAH! Up high!

Skipper:
Boys! Butter me up.

Kowalski:
Your leadership is impeccable and your musk is an intoxicating blend of danger and… ugh.”

(Skipper slaps Kowalski)

Kowalski:
Right. (sees the tray of butter and realizes what Skipper was referring to.)

Private:
[he suddenly goes crazy] Sardines? FISH! [he runs towards Rico, who kicks him away and glares angrily]

Kowalski:
Private!

Skipper:
Private! Explain yourself, soldier!

Private:
FISH! [laughs crazily]

Skipper:
[creeped out] Kowalski, analysis!

Kowalski:
Crazy eyes...[ puts a popsicle stick on Private's tongue. Private waves his flippers up and down] Babbling tongue...

Private:
FISH!

Kowalski:
Egad! I believe our Norwegian herring was a bit too aged.

Skipper:
Never ever blame the fish, Kowalski!

Kowalski:
But don't you see? [pulls out a clipboard & pencil] Private's contracted Bacterial, Pisces Dementia! A rare brain disease that's turning him into a fish-craving psychopath!

Rico:
Hey! That's my thing!

Skipper:
Yeah, we don't need two of those. Can he be cured?

Kowalski:
It should wear off in 24 hours just as long as he doesn't feed the disease. [pulls up a chart with a fish on it] That means no fish of any kind. If Private ingests so much as a single sardine, he'll be like this forever.

Private:
[he launches at the chart] FISH!

Skipper:
Stop that!

Kowalski:
Well, on the bright side, maybe this will teach Private not to overindulge in so much brined herring. [chuckles]

Skipper:
Wait, didn't you eat as much as he did? [Kowalski's right eye moves away then back to normal before showing he's been affected by the disease.]

Kowalski:
Why, yes I...dooby-dooby-did! FISH!! [ he lunges at Rico, but he pushes him away. Skipper keeps the two penguins away from the fish, slapping them repeatedly.]

Skipper:
Looks like we're on psycho patrol, amigo. No fish for these two for the next 24 hours.

Rico:
[suspicious] Uhh, what about you?

Skipper:
[confidently; still slapping] Luckily, my iron-clad constitution has made me immune to this Pisces Dementia.

Rico:
Oh. [looks at him]

Skipper:
Seriously. [Rico stares at him again] No effect. [Rico gives one serious look] Iron-clad constitution.

Skipper:
FIIIISH!

Rico:
AHHH! [Rico quickly eats the sardines and is chased around the HQ by the three fish-craving penguins. He blocks the door.]

Rico:
Uh-uh-uh! No fish!

Alice:
[from outside] Feeding time!

The fish craving penguins:
[pause for a while before charging up the ladder] FIIIISH!

Maurice:
Since when did we get four Ricos?

Alice:
Hey! Baron von Greedenstein! Save some for the rest of the flock! [She uses a long pole to hold him back.]

Alice:
[sarcastically] Great. All full then? [the three penguins are still wanting fish] Whatever, freaks. [leaves]

Rico:
Uh-uh! No fish!

Delivery Truck Driver:
Yo, zookeeper lady. Where do you want this truckload of fresh cod fillets?

Rico:
Aw, no!!

The fish craving penguins:
FISH!!!

Rico:
[tired] No... fish...

Factory Worker:
Alright people! That tuna ain't gonna can itself!

Rico:
[rubs his eyes in shock] Are you kidding me?! [The craving penguins try to get past Rico, who holds them back.]

The fish craving penguins:
FISH! FISH! GIMME!! GIMME!!! GIMME!

Rico:
NO! [As he continues to fight the penguins, Rico then sees a giant, fake fish on top of a building across the street and points to it, getting an idea.]

Rico:
[opera voice] ♪FEEEESH!!!♪

The fish craving penguins:
WOOHEE!!! FISH..!!!!!!

Rico:
Hahaha! Yeah, yeah, yeah, you go ahead! Suckers!

Julien:
(after being submerged in toy dolls): I confess to everything! My father was not a talking water cycle! (is submerged again) I cheat at whistling! (makes raspberries)

Buck Rockgut:
These snitches don't know anything. They're just a bunch of "small potatoes."

King Julien:
It's true! I am also secretly a potato. OK, that one was a lie. I just wanted the ropes off, you know?

Fred:
I've always wanted to ride in a box. You know, they got cardboard in the inside, too.

Skipper:
(after realizing Buck Rockgut was crazy) Well, maybe we left our paranoia caps on a little too long.

Private:
I do feel bad for the old guy. He's wasted decades chasing an enemy that probably doesn't even exist. (the penguins glide on their stomachs back to the zoo; a telescope appears out of a bush and reveals an underground lair)

Red Squirrel:
(pushing the record button on a tape recorder) Red Squirrel's log. Special Agent Rockgut has been dispos-sed of. (turns his chair around) Time to get to work. (laughs maniacally and leaps toward a metal door, but crashes into it) Stupid eye-patch.

Future Kowalski(s):
Private/Skipper, you've got to stop me!!

Private:
(in response to the first future Kowalski) Um... okay. Kowalski, stop, please.

Skipper:
(in response to and kicks the second future Kowalski) There, you're stopped.

Future Kowalski(s):
No, not me, me! That me!

Private/Skipper:
There's 2 of you?

Skipper:
(kneeling down at the statue of liberty sunken in snow cone shavings) Kowalski, you maniac! You did it. (pounding on the floor) You finally did it.

Kowalski:
Yeah, but you got to admit, these are pretty good snow cones. (picking up snow cone offering to Skipper)

Skipper:
Yeah, totally worth it. (licking on snow cone)

Private:
OK, Mort, we have enough food for several days. I'm sure Skipper will find us soon, right?

Mort:
(sniffing his finger) Mmm! My finger smells funny! (giggles) You wanna smell it?

Private:
No, I'd rather conserve energy and sleep; you should do the same (starts sleeping)

Mort:
Nighty-night. (stares his head left and right)

(After a time transition, Mort was revealed to eat all the food in the machine and lets out a really loud and long burp, waking Private up)

Mort:
BUUUUUUUUUUUUUUURRRRRRRRRRRP!!!!!!!!

Private:
Oh, what was that?

Mort:
(lying on the machine, fattened up rubbing his big full Tummy) Ooh! My tummy don't feel so good.

Private:
What happened? Where's the food?

Mort:
Well, I got hungry.

Private:
(a bit angry) So you ate everything?! Even the Cheezy Bits?!

Mort:
They're not so bad after the fifth bag.

Private:
(begins screaming in pain) Do you realize what you've done, Mort? We needed that food! It's doom to us both!

Mort:
(sits down) Doom?!

Private:
Yes, doom, doom, doom, because you're dumb, dumb, dumb!

Mort:
(begins to cry)

Private:
Don't you dare crying!; Because only worse than being trapped with you the rest of my life is being trapped for the rest of my life with you crying!

[Later at The Zoo]

Private:
See, Mort? It was good that you ate the food!

Mort:
But you told me not too.

Private:
I Know Mort! But it was good that you did anyway because it saved us! Don't you understand?

Mort:
[Mort puts his paws on his Tummy as his Tummy Gurgles very loudly and he let's out a very loud and big Fart]

Mort:
(Tummy Gurgles ) (Mort Farts very loudly) ( FFFAARRT! ) (Mort pats his Tummy) I have to go potty!

Skipper:
One mistake little friend, we are like the three musketeers, except there are four of us and we’re birds and in no way French, but the same team mentality applies.

Dale:
Couldn't care less.

Julien:
[once noticing the humans are unconscious by Private's Quantum Hyper Cute] Tell me, who among you is the Dark Wizard?

[The penguins step aside to show Private]

Rico:
That guy.

Private:
I was just trying this new little thing I could do! You know, kind of a little... [uses the Quantum Hyper Cute as the other Penguins look away] Boosh.

Julien:
[lovingly] OH, LOOK AT HOW CUTE-- TOO CUTE! TOO CUTE!!