The Proud Family, Season 1

The Gross Sisters:
We're not here to do some stupid cheer, so just empty your pockets and put the money in here.

Nubia:
Now!

Suga Mama (to Penny):
I told you to ditch that Dijonay a long time ago!

Penny:
How do they expect me to act like a grownup on this little bit of money they give me?

Dijonay:
I don't even get the little, just the bit.

LaCienega:
I hear that. I can't do anything on the 50 my parents give me.

Penny:
Fifty cents? I guess I shouldn't feel too bad!

LaCienega:
That's fifty dollars, Penny Pincher!

Oscar (to Penny):
What have you learned?

Penny:
That an allowance is not a right, but a privilege. And from now on, let Mama do the negotiating.

Oscar:
What? Did you hear what she just said?

Trudy:
Yes, and that's my girl.

Trudy (to Penny):
Ok, baby. You know the rules. No loud music.

Oscar:
No boys.

Trudy:
No running up my phone bill.

Oscar:
No boys.

Trudy:
And the most important rule of all...

Penny, LaCienega, Zoey & Dijonay:
No boys.

Dijonay:
Yesterday, someone spread a nasty rumor about Penny Proud and Myron Lewinski. Today, Myron is in my studio guest and he's here to clear things straight. Welcome to the show, Myron!

Myron:
Thank you, Dijonay, with your fine self.

Dijonay:
Oh, Myron, you so smooth. If you weren't with Penny, I--

Penny:
Dijonay!

Dijonay:
So, erm, Myron, what exactly DID happen between you and Penny last Saturday night?

Myron:
As usual, the ladies are all over me and... (Penny slaps Myron in the back of the head) Uh, I mean nothing happened. Penny is a nice girl and I have nothing, but the utmost love... (Penny slaps him again) I mean respect for her.

Ajay:
I like antelope liver. With some fava beans. And a nice chianti.

Wizard Kelly:
That's Mission Impossible. Everywhere the Wizard goes, I hear a Sir-Paid-A-Lot song. "I'm gonna BEEP BEEP your BEEP!". It's just so darn catchy.

Penny (to Dijonay):
Can you keep a secret?

Dijonay:
Girl, you know I can't!

Penny:
Good.

(After Penny is arrested)

Trudy:
Well, this has to be the most embarrassing night of my life.

Oscar:
So I forgot to take down the Christmas lights, I said I'm sorry.

Suga Mama:
Not you, Jingle Bells, she's talking about Penny.

(Penny sees a photo of Oscar as a teen)

Penny:
Ew! Why is your hair sticking out like that?

Suga Mama:
Because it was N-A-P-P-Y.

Oscar (to Penny when she wants to play boys' football):
There's no pain like football pain.

Trudy:
Oh, yeah. What about childbirth?

Oscar:
Well, okay, that's worse, but I'm not signing a permission slip for that either.

Penny:
I could have won the game.

Trudy:
Oh, Penny, you won so much more. You won so much more.

Oscar (to Trudy):
How can you be afraid of mice? You're a veterinarian. You give shots to lions and tigers, for crying out loud.

Trudy:
I can't help it. It's those beady eyes, that little, those big ears and that boney tail.

Suga Mama:
Do you realize you just described Oscar to a "T"?

Oscar:
At least that mouse is gone. (The mouse reappears right next to him) He's standing right next to me, isn't he?

Bobby (singing):
Merry Christmas y'all! And a Happy Hanukkah too. Feliz Navidad! Feliz Navidad!

Oscar:
Well, Margaret, thanks to your stories about how turkeys are enslaved before they're pumped full of steriods, nobody could eat. Except for Bobby.

Bobby (singing):
I ate it all, y'all. It was good, y'all. Now I need an antacid, y'all!

Penny:
Now you guys want to explain to Olei why you can't help her? (Dijonay, Zoey and LaCienga shake their heads) Cause y'all are gonna help me, right? (Dijonay, Zoey and LaCienga nod) Now give me your lunch money! (Dijonay, Zoey and LaCienga put out their money) Just kidding.

LaCienega:
Bam! Because I'll be hosting my party that night.

Penny:
Bam! I got MC Sticky.

Trudy:
Okay, everyone. Now it's time for everybody's favorite part of the night.

Penny:
Everybody goes home?

Penny (crying):
I can't believe I have such fake friends!

Trudy:
You mean like you're being right now?

Nubia:
No, you about to get got.

Suga Mama (to Myron):
Slow your roll, Urkel. We playing Pretzel.

Penny (to Oscar):
You and Mom tell me all kinds of things I think are stupid until I hear them from somebody else.

Michael (about LaCienega's feet):
Hey, everybody, it's Flipper!

Penny :
It's LaCienega. We had to take our swim test the other day and…well…

Sunset:
It's the foot thing again, isn't it?

Penny:
Everybody laughed at her.

Trudy:
Foot thing? What foot thing?

Sunset:
LaCienega's a little special.

Felix:
She's got feet like a duck.

Sunset:
Felix!

Felix:
But it's true.

Mr. Webb:
Black History Month has fallen into a rather predictable pattern.

Dijonay:
Does that mean we're not going to have George Washington Carver peanut butter cookies?

Mr. Webb:
Of course we will, Ms. Jones. Some things you just don't change.

Mr. Webb:
A person who doesn't understand his past won't have a future.

Penny:
Why is everyone at school separated?

Zoey:
What do you mean?

Penny:
You know, the whites, the blacks, LaCienega.

Suga Mama:
I'm glad the restaurant lost our reservation.

Papi (in Spanish):
Lost? I canceled them. I couldn't risk being seen with you in public.

Penny (to Johnny):
That's it. I've had it with you. It's over.

Johnny:
Wait, what's over?

Penny:
We're over!

Johnny:
I thought you liked me. I thought you were my girlfriend. I know, it's my wheels, isn't it?

Penny:
No. Your wheels aren't the reason I don't like you. But they are the reason I said I'd be your girlfriend. That and because I felt sorry for you. But I don't anymore. You need a personality check, Johnny. You're rude, obnoxious, inconsiderate. You disrespected my parents, my grandmother, me. You're not a nice person, Johnny. But my family, they are nice people and I'm sorry I ever brought you around. So why don't you break?

LaCienega:
I'm here for the reward.

Oscar:
Where is Puff?

LaCienega:
Oh, you want the dog? So that's how that works.

LaCienega (to Penny):
Look, Proud. Bebe's Kids and Snoopy will be fine, okay?

Trudy:
You’d better do something, Oscar, Suga Mama has been here three weeks. It’s time for her to go. I understand she’s been depressed, but enough is enough.

Oscar:
Well what do you want me to do? Just throw my poor mama out?

Trudy:
Of course not, Oscar. I would never ask you to throw her out. Show her out, drop breadcrumbs, I don’t care, just get her out of my house!

Oscar:
That’s cold, Trudy.

Penny:
Mama, Suga Mama says she’s ready for you to file her corns.

Trudy:
That’s it, Oscar. That’s the last bunion. Either she goes or I go. It’s your choice.

Penny:
look, for whatever it’s worth I think we owe Suga Mama. Let’s not forget it’s our fault Puff is missing.

Oscar:
Let’s get something straight here: you lost Puff.

Trudy:
No, you should have never left him!

Oscar:
If you had just let it be Oscar Day like I had planned, none of this would have ever happened. But No! You just had to go shoppin’!

Trudy:
Yes, I had to go shopping! All you do is sit on that couch all day long and whine!

Penny:
Stop it! We’re all responsible. None of us cared about Puff, I know I didn’t.

Trudy:
None of us did, honey.

Oscar:
I gotta admit. As much as I can’t stand that dog. He’s the only one that could have put up with Suga Mama. If he ever finds his way back, I’ll treat him like the true hero he is. I’ll let him sit in my chair, eat my food and watch his stories anytime he wants.

Dr. Payne (to Oscar):
According to my record, you missed a flu shot.

Oscar:
Is that all? Just hook me up with a vaccine pop, preferrably cherry.

Dr. Payne:
You don't get a sucker, sucker!

(Oscar blinks his eyes in surprise and Dr. Payne pulls him with his stethoscope)

Oscar:
Trudy, help me! Mama, give me something!

Suga Mama:
Stop acting like a baby. Be a man!

Penny:
I'm just gonna find some common ground.

Dijonay:
Oh, you gonna find the ground, all right.

Suga Mama:
Fifty dollars? Tell me where these hooligans live. (karate sounds while making a karate move) Nobody steals from my grand baby.

Suga Mama (talking to Trudy about Oscar):
I must need a hearing aid because, I thought you said hero, not zero.

Oscar (to Penny):
If all of your friends jumped off a bridge, would you do it too?

Penny:
If it was fun!

Oscar:
Fun?!!

Penny:
Mommy, Daddy, can I go with my girls to go see the Hip-Hop Helicopter?

Oscar:
Nope.

Penny:
Why not, Daddy?

Oscar:
Cause I've seen that show and I know there will be boys there.

Trudy:
Oh, Oscar, you're impossible! Do you know there are boys at church too?

Oscar:
Fine. She can't go there either.

Sunset:
We need to respect our elders.

Oscar:
No; we need to bury them.

Oscar:
You need a spare to win. Don't choke.

Dijonay (to Penny):
Ooh, let's go over and check out the "Other woman". Oh, wait a minute. Technically, you're the Skeezer!