The Secret Saturdays, Season 1

Doc:
What's going on here?

Zak:
Umm... science?

[Drew rips the TV off the wall and throws it at Van Rook]

Doc:
Why would you throw our TV?!

Drew:
I... I just... [Shrugs] I get in the zone...

Drew:
No! This is impossible!

Argost:
Impossible? Only someone with a tragic lack of imagination would use such a vulgar word. We deal with cryptids, my dear. We live in the world of "impossible".

Doc:
Where are they?!

Doyle:
What, your manhood and self-respect? I think you lost them the last time we fought.

Zak:
Did we miss something?

Dr. Beeman:
Uhh, yeah. You missed your last "don't ask stupid questions" lesson.

Drew:
When have I done anything rash or irresponsible?

Doc:
I keep a list. It's alphabetized.

[Doc pushes Doyle out of the airship]

Doc:
What? He has a jetpack.

Doc:
So, you caught up with the crate after you reached terminal velocity? Was this before or after the laws of physics stopped working?

Doyle:
Hey, any time you wanna see my terminal velocity, just ask.

Doc:
What? That doesn't make any-- even your threats have bad science!

Drew:
Okay guys, it was just a story. Let's not turn this into some pointless macho contest.

Doyle:
Your mom has bad science.

[Doc gives Doyle an envelope]

Doyle:
What's this?

Doc:
Your pay. We won't be needing your services anymore. When we get home, I want you to pack your things.

Zak:
What?! But...uh, dad...

Doyle:
Okay, look I messed up in the cave.

Doc:
You messed up?! How many times did you put Zak's life at risk?!?

Zak:
He saved my life a few times, too. Doesn't it balanced out or anything?

Doyle:
Zak's fine. I've take chances, that's how I get things done!

Doc:
You've acted like a solo mercenary! And on a team, that's dangerous!

Drew:
Okay, okay, we all...need a breather here.

[Doyle looks at her sister, and Drew talks to her brother]

Drew:
If you need anything, call me but, uh, I don't think you're the best influence on Zak right now.

[Doyle knocks an envelope out of Doc's hand]

Doyle:
Keep the money and you can keep my stuff, too. I'm leaving now. See you around, mini man. Keep in touch...family.

[Doyle walks away]

Drew Monday:
You couldn't have shown up before she started hitting me?

Zak Monday:
Could've. But I like watching things get hurt.

Doc:
It's over. We won.

[Drew, Doyle and Zak motion to warn Doc of the giant cryptid behind him]

Doc:
No. We won. I'm not turning around and looking at it. We won.

[Telephone rings]

Zak:
...What's that?

[Telephone continues ringing]

Zak:
Again, what is that?

Doc:
...It's our land-line.

Zak:
We have a non-video phone? Why?

Zak:
We could've been something, Abbey...

Abbey:
No, we couldn't.

Zak:
But.. yeah, I know. I mean... I'm just saying... maybe.

Abbey:
You're eleven!

Zak:
No, but-- but, like, in an alternate universe where I'm ten years older.

Abbey:
Okay, maybe.

Zak:
Everybody has secrets. My family just has bigger ones. They're called "cryptids" - all the strange, exotic creatures that regular science doesn't believe in... at least, not yet.

Zak:
Anywhere there's a secret left to uncover, the Secret Scientists have someone working on it. And the cryptids... that's what we do. Any size, any kind, anywhere in the world - the Saturday family is gonna get the call. So, yeah. Two scientists, their kid, a komodo dragon, and a seven foot gorilla-cat called the Fiskerton Phantom... we're the only ones standing between you and all the things that go bump in the night. That's gotta make you feel safe, huh?

Dr. Beeman:
You lack discipline... I can smell it on your spikey haircut.

Doc:
Next anniversary, back to the squid intestines.

Argost:
Oh my, conspiring with the enemy. Betrayal! Chicanery! Heavens the drama!

Zak:
Every spider I know of shoots webs out of its butt. What does that say about your face?

Agent Epsilon:
Everyone has a file.

Francis:
Good guys, bad guys, you always know their next move. Victory goes to the grey men in the middle, because you never know how we'll surprise you.

Komodo Monday:
Are you disturbed yet?

Zak:
Why does everything cool always try to kill me?!

Wadi:
[Sarcastically] Yes, I stole the Blue Tiger and I am keeping it inside my pants pocket right now. Say hello to everyone, tiger!

Zak:
"I am not in love with Wadi!"

Doyle:
You're eleven? You know to be honest, Fisk was bigger competition."