The West Wing, Season Seven

Leo:
Ok. Let's start by reframing the question. Forget about a four year term, the presidency is 18 months. That's your window. After that, there's midterms. No one on the Hill has time to do business with you, they're too busy getting re-elected.

Santos:
Huh.

Leo:
Then suddenly, you're running again.

Santos:
So I'm basically throwing everything out but my first five pages.

Leo:
In the garbage. Realistically, one page. But, we can do this in phases.

Donna:
You called Russell a cowpoke. You said the President avoided him in the halls. You hummed "These Boots Are Made For Walking" every time the press mentioned his name.

Josh:
Yeah, but I won.

Donna:
It was my job, Josh. You're not used to me being in a position of authority. I'm sure that's uncomfortable.

Josh:
I've got an airplane hangar out there filled with 500 strangers looking to me for direction. I've got a candidate who doesn't trust any of them, and frankly, neither do I. And if you don't think I [breath hitches] miss you every day....

Donna:
[She gets up and starts to leave the office trying to hold back her tears] Thank you for your time....

Santos:
[in a campaign ad] Now, if you don't think I have a personal stake in my economic plan, if you don't think it's personal for me - hey, if the country doesn't like it, I'll be the first one unemployed. We can't hang on to the jobs of the past; none of us can. The entire store of human knowledge now doubles every five years. A child that is born tonight could live to see the 22nd Century. If we nourish innovation, if we tear down red tape and regulation, that child could lead a brand new industry; can cure a dreaded disease; can touch a far horizon that we can't even glimpse yet. So if it's personal for you, if you want your child to grow up in a world fueled by new prosperity and path-breaking discovery, then I need your vote, 'cause you ain't seen nothing yet!

Josh:
People think the campaign's about two competing answers to the same question. They're not. They're a fight over the question itself.

Josh:
When voters want a national daddy...someone to be tough and strong and defend the country, they vote Republican. When they want a mommy, someone to give them jobs, health care...the policy equivalent of motzah ball soup, they vote Democratic.

Josh:
[to media consultants] This is probably the greatest assemblage of Democratic talent since the last time Jed Bartlet dined alone.

Lou:
You saw Vinick on TV this morning. Clearly it wasn't about content, but he was tough and he was authentic. He was Neil Young to your Neil Diamond.

Josh:
I like Neil Diamond.

Lou:
I'm sure you do.

Josh:
We can't have a fight about a security leak. We'll get killed. I'm trying to change the conversation back to the economy.

Lou:
How about moving the conversation to the fact that while Santos was serving in the Gulf, Vinick was serving himself Chardonnay. That Santos is still serving in the Reserves as a Congressman. He's been in the Senate for, like, 90 years. He was practically born in a committee hearing. If you're not using the phrase "Beltway Arnie" in every press release...

Josh:
We're not going negative. Not now, not first.

Lou:
Oh, really. You don't think you're running a negative campaign? Why are you always talking about high-tech jobs? Because Vinick uses a manual typewriter and his future is a set of plastic gums. You're doing political smear like the rest of us. All I'm saying is do it right.

Vinick:
Hey, I'm proud of my voting record. Well, most of it. I'd quit the Senate in a second if I thought it'd help us win. Now it would just look like a cheap stunt.

Male reporter:
Senator, what do you think of Congressman Santos doing his Reserve duty in the middle of the campaign?

Female reporter:
Do you think it was a stunt?

Vinick:
A stunt? No, that was... that was devotion to duty. That's what makes the American military the greatest fighting force in the history of the world. And I hope Congressman Santos continues to do his duty when I'm Commander-in-Chief.

Vinick:
I've always won the Latino vote in California. Why should I give up on that now?

Bruno:
Well, I don't know. Let me think. Well, maybe because you're running against a Latino candidate who's going to get about... 2,000 percent of the Latino vote.

Santos:
You know, I introduced a guest worker program the first year I was in Congress. I couldn't even get a hearing on it. Vinick opens his mouth about it once, it's like he's parting the Red Sea.

Lou:
If you agree with it you're going to look like a follower, not a leader.

Santos:
He's the one that's following me on this.

Lou:
It won't look like it; not now. We can't be chasing reporters around with a six-year old page from the Congressional Record to prove you got there first.

Santos:
Yeah, well, I shouldn't have been hiding on these issues. I didn't want to be the brown candidate. I didn't want to be stereotyped. Josh was right; I should have gotten out in front of all this stuff during the primaries.

Josh:
After the round table we're going to have to put something out clarifying the Congressman's statement on Intelligent Design.

Lou:
That says what, he thinks God's a moron?

Josh:
He's running for President, not preacher-in-chief.

Lou:
He's not going to use Medicaid for communion wafers. He said he believes in God, as did Abe Lincoln and George Washington.

Josh:
We can't get sucked into these local issues.

Lou:
Yes, except Republicans have nominated the first pro-choice and, by all accounts, anti-God candidate in history. For the first time, we have a chance to reach into their base and win back religious voters, to tell a swath of the heartland that maybe, just maybe, we have a nominee who's not hostile to their cultural values.

Clifford Reynolds:
Clifford Reynolds. I teach English here at Leonard.

Santos:
Nice to meet you, Clifford.

Clifford Reynolds:
Thanks. May I ask you if you believe in the theory of evolution?

Santos:
Well, I think it'd be very difficult to teach geology, anthropology, and zoology without evolution, so yes, I do. I don't believe it's contradictory to believe in science and believe in God.

Clifford Reynolds:
Do you believe that the theory of Intelligent Design and the Theory of Evolution should be taught alongside each other in the public schools?

Santos:
Absolutely not. One is based on science, the other is based on faith. Intelligent Design is not a scientific theory, it's a religious belief. And our Constitution does not allow for the teaching of religion in our public schools.

Clifford Reynolds:
Many of us here would be more comfortable if our children were taught all points of view.

Santos:
And I'm all for that. Evolution is not perfect. It doesn't answer every question but it is based on scientific facts; facts that can be predicted, tested, and proven. Intelligent Design asks theological questions. I'm sure that many of us would agree that at the beginning of all that begat-ing, something begun.

[The people laugh]

Santos:
What was that something?

Clifford Reynolds:
Congressman Santos, many of us want a version of science taught to our kids that's in accordance with our beliefs.

Santos:
I understand. But can't we agree that the inclusion of non-scientific explanations into the science curriculum of our schools misrepresents the nature of science? And therefore compromises a central purpose in our public education which is the preparation of a scientifically literate workforce. If you have a problem with your child's education, get involved. If you have a problem with what the School Board wants to teach, run for School Board. We can never forget that the best way to preserve our democracy is to take part in it. Thanks for your question. Thank you all.

Annabeth:
Try to get some sleep. The motorcade's going to pick you up at 7:00 am sharp at your hotel. Now, once you wrap it up with Russert you have a thirty-minute window to get to Face the Nation followed by a sit-down with the Post.

Leo:
[as they wait for an elevator] Don't you ever get tired?

Annabeth:
No.

Leo:
And how is that?

Annabeth:
I graduated cum laude with a degree in Art history and if you'd told me I'd end up here... [they get into the elevator] ...let's just say I love my job.

Leo:
What time is it?

Annabeth:
[hands him his watch] Headed back to your hotel?

Leo:
Yeah. It's been a day.

Annabeth:
Hmm.

Leo:
What are you up to?

Annabeth:
Heading back to my apartment and a nice hot bath.

Leo:
You feel like dinner?

Annabeth:
I do, but--

Leo:
We'll get a bite. It's early.

Annabeth:
Thanks, but no. [pause] I just think it's better while we're spending so much time together that we try and keep our distance whenever possible.

Leo:
[confused] Keep our distance?

Annabeth:
Because of the tension. [walks out of the elevator]

Leo:
What tension?

Santos:
To be a person of faith is to have the world challenge that faith. Was the universe designed by God? That's up to everyone in this country to decide for themselves because the framers of our Constitution believed that if the people were to be sovereign and belong to different religions at the same time then our official religion would have to be no religion at all. It was a bold experiment then, as it is now. It wasn't meant to make us comfortable. It was meant to make us free.

C.J.:
[to Toby] Good evening. You would not believe the day I had. I'd tell you about it if I could talk about it, but a bunch of stuff happened today that I can't talk about, so I guess I should stop talking about it. [hands a folder to Margaret] But the truth is, I'm so strung out and wired on caffeine that I can't even tell what room I'm in.

Toby:
C.J....

C.J.:
Let's open that bottle of champagne you gave me for my birthday. Maybe the alcohol will balance out the caffeine.

Toby:
C.J., the leak--

C.J.:
[gets out the bottle of champagne and two glasses] Let's have a toast. One final toast before I leave the White House for my perp walk in leg irons. Here, you open it.

Toby:
C.J.

C.J.:
Fine, I'll open it. But just, uh, listen to what I have to say. Leo's in trouble.

Toby:
I know.

C.J.:
You do?

Toby:
I got a lawyer.

C.J.:
What?

Toby:
I got a lawyer.

[C.J. looks up with concern on her face]

Toby:
I did it.

Margaret:
I reached Oliver Babish. He says you owe him a raspberry panna cotta cheesecake.

CJ:
He'll live.

Margaret:
Longer, probably.

Babish:
Who were you talking to?

Toby:
My attorney's voice mail.

Wayne:
My instructions were that you sit quietly.

Toby:
I'm pretty sure I used my indoor voice.

Lou:
I was thinking while you were asleep.

Josh:
I wasn't asleep.

Lou:
Oh, really? With the drooling, the twitching, and muttering to yourself, which might otherwise be described as a schizophrenic episode, I'd go with 'You were sleeping.'

Toby:
I was hoping we would be able to speak in private.

Bartlet:
Your actions have pretty much made that impossible. I haven't had much time to absorb this news, so I'll apologize in advance if I express any half-formed thoughts.But the one thought that hits the hardest is that this was somehow inevitable; that you've always been heading for this sort of crash-and-burn. That self-righteous superiority; not that you were smarter than everyone; that you were purer, morally superior.

Toby:
Due respect, sir, I don't think I'm morally superior to everyone.

Bartlet:
No, just to me.

Bartlet:
Toby, when you walk out of here, there will be people out there, perhaps a great many, who will think of you as a hero. I just don't for a moment want you thinking I'll be one of them.

Josh:
The ad's a sham. Anyone can see from the full interview.

Lou:
Then bam, we hit Vinick with a political two-by-four.

Josh:
You don't have to be happy about this.

Lou:
You don't have to be queasy about this.

Josh:
You don't know Santos the way I do. If this becomes a full-out negative...

Lou:
You think he's got a glass jaw?

Josh:
I think we lose a negative ad war. I think the other side is better at this and I think they have more to work with.

Will:
You saw the wires. They counted the number of questions I was asked this morning because I didn't answer one of them.

C.J.:
You thought we were going to get good coverage this week?

Will:
47, by the way; a career high.

C.J.:
You have to let the press punch themselves out.

Will:
You're talking to the punching bag. My job is to look like I'm not completely ignorant. Counsel won't even brief me on the details of Toby's firing.

C.J.:
I asked them not to.

Will:
Don't you want me to have a shred of credibility in the briefing room?

C.J.:
Your ignorance is your credibility. That's why I put you in this job. And your constituents aren't in that room, they're in distressed urban areas. You brief at 4:00.

Will:
0 for 47. I'm the Jamaican Bobsledding Team!

Lou:
Yeah, come with me.

Josh:
Where are we going?

Lou:
Bedroom/office/staff room.

Josh:
OK, I don't want to seem ungracious. We've all been under a lot of pressure. It's just that...

[they enter the room, and Donna is sitting on the bed]

Josh:
Hi.

Donna:
Hi.

Lou:
I don't know what the problem is between you two, but she's great on television and I don't care if she worked for Francisco Franco in the primary. Right now, it's all hands on deck, so work it out.

Vinick:
Politics is about practicality.

Hodder:
Not if you think abortion is murder.

Vinick:
Whether you do or not, Roe v. Wade has been the law of the land for decades. Most of the country is not ready to change that. Neither am I.

Hodder:
Well, that's not the party's position.

Vinick:
I joined this party because the liberals were the ones who always wanted something from the government. We just wanted government to leave us alone. Especially when there's no consensus otherwise. I'm trying to lead the majority who agrees on that, not the minority who wants to enact their version of Leviticus into law.

Santos:
Next time you decide to smear me maybe you'll have the guts to do it yourself.

Vinick:
I had nothing to do with that ad. You blew off the debates. It's clear what kind of campaign you want.

Santos:
Oh, I forgot how eager you were for debates. And next time you send left-wing lobbyists to my office don't forget the gift card.

Santos:
You want an ugly campaign you're going to get one.

Vinick:
I didn't start this.

Santos:
Nah, your henchmen did it for you. [pause] You're hitting me on partial-birth tonight, aren't you? [He shakes his head and chuckles]

Vinick:
Here we are, a Presidential campaign, grand national debate, pounding each other on one of the few things we basically agree on.

Santos:
Then let's negotiate now.

Vinick:
Excuse me?

Santos:
No backroom tactics. You and me, a real debate.

Vinick:
Oh, please.

Santos:
A real debate, really.

Vinick:
No negative ads. No attacks in our speeches out there.

Santos:
If we can have a real debate on the issues, just you and me...

Vinick:
How's Sunday night?

[Santos holds out his hand. Vinick shakes it.]

Vinick:
It's a hell of a way to end your campaign.

Santos:
Oh, I'm just getting started.

Vinick:
It is truly an honor to be here tonight. I would...You know, I've watched every televised Presidential debate that this country has ever had. And every time I heard them recite the rules, I always thought that meant they're not going to have a real debate. When the greatest hero of my party, Abraham Lincoln debated, he didn't need any rules. He wasn't afraid of a real debate. Now I could do a 2-minute version of my Sensible Solution stump speech and I'm sure Congressman Santos has a memorized opening statement ready to go. And then we could go on with this ritual and let the rules decide how much you're going to learn about the next President of the United States, or we could have a debate Lincoln would have been proud of. We could junk the rules. We could let our able and judicious moderator ask us questions. And we could forget about whether each of us has the exact same number of seconds to speak. We could have a real debate if that's all right with you, Matt.

Forrest Sawyer:
Um, Senator, according to the rules, candidates may not direct...

Santos:
No, please. [to Vinick] You mean like a Senate debate? What are you going to do, filibuster me? Are you going to grab the microphone for a whole hour?

Vinick:
No, no, no. We tell the American people what they need to hear, no more, no less. I suspect the audience will reward brevity.

[The audience laughs and claps.]

Santos:
Okay, let's have a real debate.

Santos:
[about border problems with Mexico] This is not a law enforcement problem. This is an economic problem. If Mexico's economy was as strong as Canada's, there wouldn't be a problem. The President cannot solve this problem. You cannot seal a 2,000-mile border. Mexico has to solve it. Mexico has to grow its own economy. It has to provide enough jobs so that it's not worth it to try to cross into our borders illegally. There is no other real solution to this. And Senator Vinick is smart enough to know that and I think you are, too.

Vinick:
Liberals who are opposed to tax cuts anyway always say you can't cut taxes until you've cut spending. I say we can lecture our children about overspending until we run out of breath or we can just cut their allowance. I'm a cut-the-allowance kind of parent.

Santos:
Our whole school system has been slipping for years and our rankings with other countries in math and science achievement... we've got to find a way to turn that around. If we provide the school systems and teachers with everything they need and the flexibility to experiment with fresh new approaches, I think that American students can be number one in the world in math and science in ten years.

Vinick:
That's a lie.

...

Vinick:
It's a lie that every President, Democrat and Republican, has been telling for 20 years: we're going to be number 1 in ten years. Go ahead, Google it right now. I'm not saying that every President knew it was a lie when he said it or that Congressman Santos knows it's not true, but I do. So let me tell you what our goals should be, our realistic goals. First of all, let's stop pretending that everyone can or should go to college. Every airline needs high-paid mechanics and none of them have to go to college. There are plumbers in some parts of the country that make a better living than dentists. Now, I'm not talking about lowering our ambitions. I'm talking about targeting our ambitions correctly. Now, it's true: some other countries have raised their academic standards over and above what they were once. But we still have the best scientists in the world, the best doctors, and by far the most Nobel prizes. If a kid does well in one of those foreign high schools, guess where he or she wants to go to college. That's right; Harvard, Stanford, Cal-Tech, the University of Texas, and a hundred other American universities that are better than anything they have in their countries. So, if we're going to have a practical approach to education, we're going to have to admit that not every one can go to MIT. But most of the kids who do go to MIT come from American public schools.

Vinick:
Entrepreneurs create jobs. Business creates jobs. The President's job is to get out of the way.

Santos:
Do you want a President who will get out of their way when corrupt executives are plundering a company like Enron?

Vinick:
Hey, I'll go after corporate crime. My running mate, Ray Sullivan, was very tough on white-collar crime when he was a prosecutor and my Attorney General will be just as tough.

Santos:
Do you want a President who will get out of the way when airline executives are putting their companies into bankruptcy so that they can avoid the pension responsibilities to the workers that have dedicated their lives to those companies?

Vinick:
Some of our older airlines are having trouble meeting their huge pension obligations at the very same time when they're facing intense competition from low-cost airlines that are so new they don't yet have pensions to pay. Now, an unthinking liberal will describe the airline bankruptcies as the evil capitalists screwing the workers.

Santos:
I didn't say that Senator and I don't think you should put words in my mouth.

Vinick:
No. Of course you didn't say it. You're not an unthinking liberal. Are you?

[The audience laughs and applauds.]

Santos:
I know you like to use that word 'liberal' as if it were a crime.

Vinick:
No. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have used that word. I know Democrats think liberal is a bad word. So bad you had to change it. What do you call yourselves now, progressives? Is that it?

Santos:
It's true. Republicans have tried to turn liberal into a bad word. Well, liberals ended slavery in this country.

Vinick:
A Republican President ended slavery.

Santos:
Yes, a liberal Republican; Senator, what happened to them? They got run out of your party! What did liberals do that was so offensive to the Republican Party? I'll tell you what they did. Liberals got women the right to vote. Liberals got African-Americans the right to vote. Liberals created Social Security and lifted millions of elderly people out of poverty. Liberals ended segregation. Liberals passed the Civil Rights Act, the Voting Rights Act. Liberals created Medicare. Liberals passed the Clean Air Act, the Clean Water Act. What did Conservatives do? They opposed them on every one of those things, every one. So when you try to hurl that label at my feet, 'Liberal,' as if it were something to be ashamed of, something dirty, something to run away from, it won't work, Senator, because I will pick up that label and I will wear it as a badge of honor.

Bram:
The bus is here. We've really got to move.

Lou:
Sir, do you know what the average SMT time was this week?

Santos:
Bram clocks this. He rounds up because he's got money on it.

Lou:
92 minutes.

Santos:
That's a lie!

Helen:
SMT?

Edie:
Santos Mean Time.

Helen:
92 minutes late?

Santos:
The notion that I'm the problem is convenient, but completely fallacious!

C.J.:
Do me a favor and talk to Ellie about whatever problems you're having with her music.

Will:
Now?

C.J.:
I was supposed to be in there but then Kate happened. It's going to take a few minutes; I thought you could do your thing.

Will:
I was working!

Kate:
I was golfing.

C.J.:
Mini.

Will:
I've mastered the windmill shot, with the bridge.

Kate:
That's a hard one!

Will:
Hole-in-one.

C.J.:
People!

Ellie:
Look, we realize there's a lot that goes along with having a wedding at the White House, but anything we could do to keep the numbers under control...?

Will:
Sure.

Ellie:
I know my father needs to invite a lot of people but I'm not crazy about the spotlight and Vic's a little agoraphobic.

Vic:
It's not a phobia.

Ellie:
I was exaggerating.

Vic:
It's the occasional shortness of breath.

Ellie:
It's really nothing!

Vic:
...sometimes I pass out.

Will:
[going over the guest list] Andrew Edward... what's he doing in the H's? Oh, right! His Royal Highness, Duke of York.

[Vic stands up and looks uncomfortable]

Ellie:
Do you want to get some air?

Will:
Hey, at least he's not bringing the Queen. [pauses and checks the list] Oh, maybe he is bringing the Queen...

Toby:
[about Santos] He's not presidential material.

Josh:
Why?

Toby:
Why? Because he left. He left Congress. He left Washington to go home and do small, important work. You had to haul him by the hair out of the family bed. Did you never stop to wonder if that was a good choice?

Josh:
He stepped up. When presented with the opportunity…

Toby:
[interrupting] A man in that job shouldn't have to be presented with anything. It's for someone who grabs it and holds onto it. For someone who thinks the gods have conspired to bring him to this place. That destiny demands of him this service! You don't have that kind of drive, that hubris, how in the hell are you gonna make the kind of decisions that stump every other person in this country? How in the hell are you gonna hold that kind of power in your hand?"

Josh:
You don't know he's not that man.

Toby:
You don't know that he is. [pauses] Is he? Look me in the eye and tell me that you know. Without a shadow of a doubt…you know. [pauses] That's why the other guy wins.

Abbey:
You're not performing at the ceremony.

Bartlet:
I wasn't asked to.

C.J.:
Sir, I'm sorry to interrupt--

Abbey:
No, that's quite all right. He was about to go into his Spencer Tracy routine.

Abbey:
So, rumor has it you're going to have a chat with the groom tomorrow morning.

Bartlet:
I am.

Abbey:
Well, that will be lovely, I'm sure!

Bartlet:
What? I did it with Doug!

Abbey:
Yeah. I don't recall that as being an unqualified success.

Bartlet:
Well, now I've had a run of it.

Abbey:
You do know that talking him out of marrying your daughter is not an option.

Bartlet:
Yeah. [pause] You really think it's not an option?

Will:
[at a press conference on TV] Uh, they'll be walking down the aisle to "Sorge Nel Patto", the aria Gaffredo sings to his daughter in Handel's Rinaldo. The aria was picked for its beauty and its text, which translates roughly to, "a certain delight surges from my breast and promises to calm my heart."

Kate:
That was lovely.

Will:
I made it up. Don't tell.

Vic:
Sir, was there something you wanted to discuss?

Bartlet:
No, no. I just thought...you know, when you have a daughter, you just like to know...you really want to know whether...ah, hell. Just tell me you decided to marry her before you got her pregnant.

Vic:
Eleven months, two weeks and three days.

Bartlet:
Excuse me?

Vic:
That's when I decided to marry her: a year ago, on our third date.

Bartlet:
What was wrong with the first two?

Santos:
[about Josh] How'd it go?

Leo:
Fine.

Santos:
You taking over?

Leo:
No.

Santos:
Leo, I thought we...

Leo:
Josh is going to make a lot of strategic decisions over the next few weeks. He's going to sweat them like life and death. And they'll be important, sure, which is why you and me are going to be in on every one of them. But they're meaningless compared to the decision the voters are going to have to make just by listening to you and trying to see if they can connect with the idea of Matt Santos as President. And Josh has nothing to do with that. Goodwin's right: Josh has taken you as far as he can. The rest is up to you.

Martin Sheen:
Good evening. On December 16, we lost our good friend and colleague John Spencer. Through our shock and grief, we can think of no more fitting memorial to this wonderful man, this extraordinary actor, than to share with you, beginning tonight, the last few months of his work here on The West Wing. Johnny, it seems we hardly knew you; we love you and we miss you.

[Josh and Donna are on the phone with each other]

Santos:
Tell Josh to chill.

Donna:
Josh, chill.

Josh:
Did you just tell me to chill?

Donna:
It would appear so.

Josh:
Is it somehow not clear that I'm your boss?

Donna:
Congressman's recommendation.

Josh:
Oh.

Donna:
To which I heartily concur.

Josh:
Yeah, I don't think you tell me to chill.

Donna:
I wanted to scream it everyday for eight years.

Josh:
Whatever inhibition prevented you, summon it.

Santos:
Is there a problem?

Helen:
It's just that when you said you were going to come home and spend time with the kids, I thought you were going to spend some time with the kids.

Santos:
I played with them this morning. I don't want to get in their faces. They're sick.

Helen:
They have head colds. It's unlikely you'll start bleeding from the eyes.

Santos:
I'm in the middle of a Presidential campaign.

Helen:
That's where you've been nights.

Santos:
I know it's been rough.

Helen:
The kids being issued panic buttons and the house transformed into an armed camp?

Santos:
A bit of an exaggeration.

Helen:
Do the windows in here look any different?

Santos:
No, not really.

Helen:
It's amazing the natural look they can achieve now with bulletproof glass. Labor Day, the barbecue: I had to provide the Secret Service with everyone's names, Social Security numbers, birth dates. To come by and have a hot dog, everybody had to be issued ID pins. My mother walking around tagged like she was some threatening wacko. If you're considering this an opportunity to crack a mother-in-law joke, you are seriously misjudging the mood of your audience.

Santos:
[pause] I had a real good one, too.

Helen:
Yeah, what?

Santos:
Too late. [pause] I'm sorry. Tomorrow will be better.

[Helen laughs.]

Santos:
Hey, think about the neat place we get to live in once we win this thing.

Josh:
I forget, in D.C. do they allow felons to vote? [pause] Too soon?

Toby:
Yeah, a little bit.

Josh:
Get some rest. I need you to look pretty for 20 million TV viewers.

Leo:
If that's what we're counting on, the campaign is doomed.

C.J.:
I wanna do my job. I wanna suck every morsel of meat off this experience before it's over.

Danny:
Just get something done, will ya?

C.J.:
That'll come down to what it always comes down to.

Danny:
What's that?

C.J.:
How dirty do my feet have to get without disappearing into the mud in order to get an inch of what I really want done.

C.J.:
Relaxing makes me nervous. It feels like I'm missing something.

Danny:
We're both about to fall off a cliff. And I don't know what I'm gonna do with the rest of my life, except I know what I don't wanna do. And on Inauguration Day, you're going to be released from that glorious prison on Pennsylvania Avenue, with...

C.J.:
No human skills?

Danny:
Seems to me...

C.J.:
I should punch you in the face.

Danny:
That's what I'm talking about.

C.J.:
Keep going...

Danny:
So, if I'm gonna jump off the cliff, and you're gonna get pushed off the cliff, why don't we hold hands on the way down?

C.J.:
Men are like salmon. Swimming upstream, hosing down the riverbed with their indiscriminate seed...

Danny:
Indiscriminate seed?

C.J.:
Until...

Danny:
Did you just say "indiscriminate seed"?

C.J.:
Until they die, bloated and spent, belly-up in the sun.

Danny:
Oh, quit sweet-talkin' me, baby.

C.J.:
Unless they get taken out with a bear paw in the waterfall, as they deserve to be.

Will:
What's wrong?

C.J.:
Close the door.

Will:
I didn't do it.

C.J.:
Close the door.

Will:
Toby did it.

C.J.:
Shut up!

Will:
[closes the door] Gonna talk now? [silence] Seriously. I don't react well to this... It's like staring at a dog.

C.J.:
I think Doug Westin is having an affair with his nanny.

Will:
Geez! I don't wanna know that! Why did you tell me that?

C.J.:
Because you deal with the press and I don't want you to get blind sided.

Will:
Exactly! I work with the press. I do my best work when I'm the least informed person in the room. You taught me that.

C.J.:
Suck it up.

Santos:
Yes, we worry about what's happening in the culture: we have two young children. But censorship is like saying I can't have a steak because a baby can't chew it. Let's be careful. Yeah?

Bartlet:
[Trying to persuade the California governor to evacuate San Andreo] Better a few fender benders on the I-5 than a generation of babies with thyroid cancer.

Bartlet:
[trying to figure out the nuclear plant accident] I thought a degree in economics was plenty for this job. My kingdom for a plumbing license.

C.J.:
Are you ready?

Will:
To fly into a massive cloud of radiation while the rest of the country is making hats out of tin foil?

C.J.:
It was a rhetorical question.

Vinick:
[who endorsed nuclear power during the debate] Every time they show that debate clip, it looks like I ran into that plant myself and spilled uranium on the floor!

Donna:
Vinick has a cold!

Annabeth:
Oh, that's precious.

Josh:
I'm going to send him some Vicks VapoRub and a big German nurse!

Debbie:
[As Vinick and staff sit down in the Mural room] Make yourselves comfortable. The President will be right with you.

Vinick:
Thank you.

Debbie:
[quietly] Not too comfortable.

Vinick:
What?

Debbie:
[acting confused] What?

Sullivan:
We have had a good time always running for the center. But the party's over. You're a Republican, you need to start talking to the Republican, conservative base.

Bruno:
Nail him to the cross. He can stump for votes on the Via Dolorosa.

Will:
I have a thing of yours.

Kate:
My Pyongyang book, good. I tore up my whole office looking for it.

Will:
It's not that.

Kate:
Really?

Will:
Really.

Kate:
It's in a blue binder. It may not be -

Will:
Nothing in a blue binder.

Kate:
Are you sure? I mean, picking it out -

Will:
It's a bra.

Kate:
...oh, okay.

Josh:
[looking at Donna] Oh, this must be what your first smack high feels like.

C.J.:
Here's hoping it's not followed by a huge crash and years of rehabilitation.

Josh:
Nothing could kill my mood right now, but that was a good try.

Vinick:
We lost independents because a nuclear power plant almost had a meltdown after I said nuclear power was completely safe.

Bruno:
That is water under the bridge. Now we've got to...

Vinick:
If it's water under the bridge, how come I'm still ducking reporters on the campaign trail?

Lou:
Hey Josh?

Josh:
Yeah?

Lou:
The congressman's briefcase: what's inside there?

Josh:
Road stuff...toothbrush, electric razor, sometimes a wallet. Why?

Lou:
We seem to have lost it, and he seems kinda worried.

Josh:
The guy's running a tie for the presidency and he's got two weeks left, so you can expect him to look worried once in a while.

Lou:
So there's nothing... bad in there.

Josh:
Like?

Lou:
I don't know! Heroin, porn...

Josh:
No, that's all mine.

Lou:
I'm going to go now.

Vinick:
If Santos takes California, game over.

Jane:
A Republican can win the Presidency without winning California.

Vinick:
And a Democrat can't. This isn't some sentimental, home-state thing. This is about winning. I don't have a 50-state strategy anymore. I have a one-state strategy: the one state that has everything: big cities, small towns, mountains, deserts, farms, factories, fishermen, surfers, all races, all religions, gay, straight, everything this country has. There's more real America in California than anywhere else. If I can win California I can win the country.

Jane:
That's a nice speech; just don't say it into any microphones. Because everyone else in the 49 other states thinks that California is a giant psycho ward.

Vinick:
Over a 26-year career in public service, I'd probably do a lot of things differently if I could do them over again. But my job is to make the best decision I can with the information at the time. You know, if you do something for 26 years you should keep getting better at it. I'm better than I used to be because I have better information. I have more experience making tough decisions. And I have more mature judgment. And that's what I think this country needs now, more than ever. We have troops on the ground in Kazakhstan and more on the way. That's the choice that President Bartlet made to try and keep Russia and China from slipping into war there. Now, the next President is going to have to take over that situation the first hour on the job. That's the most important issue that's facing the country in this campaign. Not who said what about nuclear power 25 years ago. Or did one of us use too strong a word in a debate. The real decision Americans are going to have to make is who do they want as their next Commander-In-Chief.

Santos:
We need to start addressing real issues and stop wasting time on beauty pageant ephemera.

Donna:
Speaking of which, where's Annabeth?

Lou:
I gagged her and put her in the luggage compartment.

[After the various couples of the campaign retire for the night, Josh and Donna are sitting alone in a bar]

Josh:
Did you ever ... "come onboard"?

Donna:
No.

Josh:
Never had a campaign fling?

Donna:
No. [sits next to Josh]

Josh:
Do you want another drink?

Donna:
No. [gets up, glances one last time at Josh, and slowly heads to her room.]

Will:
You spend the night at my house more often then not.

Kate:
Which makes me...?

Will:
A really good date.

Bruno:
[moves his watch from his left wrist to his right] Superstitious. One of my election day good luck routines.

Jane:
One of?

Bruno:
You met Carrie already.

Annabeth:
Leo's going to sleep the whole damn thing. I got to go get him up. What can I say? Nerves of steel. I just got to get him themed up for the party. He's been threatening to wear his robe.

Charlie:
[to C.J.] You're a smart savvy woman who could easily consider world domination for a next career move.

Josh:
[to Donna] Hey, what happened to you? Two minutes. 120 seconds - I was stuck in there with Dull and Duller, counting beads in my imaginary abacus. [he notices her expression] Ohio? Texas - we won? We lost? We need a good lawyer, what?

Donna:
Leo was unconscious. In his room. Annabeth found him. He wasn't... he wasn't breathing. They're taking him to the hospital in an ambulance now.

[Josh looks horrified]

Santos:
America has lost a giant tonight. And I have lost a friend. Leo McGarry devoted his life to public service, to the notion that every citizen is responsible for making this country a better place. That we have a sacred duty to participate in our democracy, to leave America stronger for the next generation. If I win this election, the country will be worse off because Leo McGarry will not be there to help me run it. But, I don't want anyone to vote for, or against me, because of Leo McGarry. This race wasn't about him, and it isn't about me. It's a vision for America that will outlast Leo, and outlast me. There's an America that's bigger than any of us, and, for those of you who have not yet voted, it is the only thing that should matter when you go to the polls tonight.

Bartlet:
The first time I met Leo, we argued.

C.J.:
About what?

Bartlet:
Monetary... something, role of the Fed...

C.J.:
Who won?

Bartlet:
I did. I'm sure if you could ask him, he'd say he did. [beat] We almost lost him fifteen years ago, did you know that? Abbey and I used to talk about it. I was prepared then. Not today.

Donna:
[to Josh] You've done a remarkable thing. Win or lose. An extraordinary thing.

Josh:
[tearful] I talked him into this, into joining the ticket.

Donna:
Nobody ever talked Leo into doing anything he didn't want to do. And he'd want you upstairs [in the campaign suite], not down here. You belong up there, it's your night. He was so proud of you, Josh.

[Josh breaks down crying]

Santos:
Thank you all so very much. Thanks for sticking around. You know, if you haven't left this room in a while, the sun is coming up! First, I want to say a special word of thanks to Senator Vinick, and I ask you all to join me in applauding his lifetime of service. Arnie Vinick made this a better campaign, and he's made this a better country for all of us. [beat] My father was a barber, my mother a domestic servant, and I never dreamed that I'd have this chance to serve so many people in so many ways. It would be easy for me to stand here and claim a sweeping mandate for the next four years. I can't do that. This was a razor-thin election. My intention is to be the President of everyone - black or brown, yellow or white, Republican or Democrat. I've got a lot of reaching out to do. America has become more polarized - you can't run for President and not see that. Our votes may have been divided, but our country will not be divided. Because, ultimately, it's not about left or right, it's about doing right. Together, we are going to lift up those who have been let down. We are going to ensure that the promise of America is not the privilege of the few, but the birthright of all Americans. I am more grateful than I can say, you have given me an opportunity that comes to few people. Perhaps fewer are worthy of it. God bless you, and God bless America.

Charlie:
[to Toby, at Leo's funeral] I'll walk out with you. I don't think a picture of you and me makes the New York Times. Do you?

Josh:
This guy is the real deal.

Sam:
You said that last time.

Josh:
Yeah, and look how right I was.

[Josh just offered Sam the job as Deputy Chief of Staff.]

Sam:
I'm going to need time to think about this.

Josh:
Fine... You done yet?

Sam:
Josh...

Josh:
What's there to think about?

Sam:
Well, for one thing, whether I want to end up looking like you.

Josh:
When I said we needed to talk, I wasn't necessarily thinking about tonight. I'm kind of fried.

Donna:
Who said anything about talking?

[Before he can answer, she kisses him.]

Josh:
So last night was nice. Nice. It was really nice. On the nice scale it was way up there in terms of... you know, niceness.

Donna:
Be still and listen to me. I don't know what this is. And you don't, either, which is perfectly fine and understandable. Whatever the buildup, it's all happened amid absurdly heightened emotional circumstances: the election, Leo's death. There's been... not a moment to so much as... take a breath, much less figure any of this out. And now this roller coaster's plunging into the transition, with its time-pressure demands and then the inauguration, and it's hit the ground running, and the first hundred days and, before you know it, the midterms and the new Congress, and then we're running again and four years becomes eight, and... we've never had the talk. And you can lose that look of panic in your eyes. We're not going to have it now; we don't ever have to have it. But there's a window. I'd say four weeks. If we can't get it together in that time to figure out what we want from each other, then clearly it's not worth the trouble. While last night was lovely, I've already called a cab. You should put on some coffee, and I'll see you at the office.

Donna:
Not everyone's like you, so...

Josh:
Dedicated?

Donna:
Monomaniacal.

Doctor:
Your hand healed faster than I expected.

Vinick:
That's 'cause I went from 1,000 handshakes a day to none.

Vinick:
What do you have in California?

Lawyer:
You don't want to be the official greeter at a vineyard, do you?

Lawyer:
[about Vinick] He'll be bored to death and won't be able to afford the Republican lifestyle he deserves.

Gaile Addison:
As you know, we have very little in the budget for redecorating.

Helen:
Oh? How much is very little?

Gaile Addison:
$200,000. You might want to establish a fund raising committee to raise a few million dollars and do it right. There really is a lot to do, especially in this room. I've never really liked the color of this rug but the Bartlets ... Well. It's up to you now.

Danny:
[to C.J.] We keep shoving this conversation downstream. At some point you have to choose to have a relationship. We're not 25 any more. At our age you can't date a little and screw a little and wait around to see if you get sentimental at Christmas. You have to decide if you're gonna make another person a part of your life. A partner.

C.J.:
[to Toby] You don't need a pardon, you need a frying pan to the side of your head.

Danny:
[to C.J.] I want you to do what you want to do. Take the job at the White House. I just want you to talk to me about it. I want us to talk about what it will mean and how we'll make it work. I want us to talk like we're gonna figure it out together. I want us to talk...because I like the sound of your voice. I just want to talk.

Debbie:
Good morning Mr. President.

Bartlet:
Morning.

Debbie:
How are you feeling this morning?

Bartlet:
Unemployed.

Debbie:
A lot of that going around the building.

Josh:
[looking at a note C.J. has given him] W.W.L.D?

C.J.:
"What would Leo do?"

[Bartlet and Santos (the outgoing president and president-elect) ride to the inauguration together in a motorcade]

Bartlet:
How's your speech?

Santos:
It's got some good sections, but no "Ask not what your country can do for you..."

Bartlet:
Yeah, Kennedy kind of screwed us with that one, didn't he?

[C.J. leaves the White House for the last time. A man in the street spots her.]

Man:
Hey, you work there?

C.J.:
Pardon?

Man:
I said, do you work up there? In the White House.

[C.J. smiles sadly]

C.J.:
No. I don't.

Man:
Oh, sorry.

C.J.:
No problem.

[Pause]

Man:
Must be something, huh?

C.J.:
Yeah. Yeah, it must be something.

[Last lines]

Abbey:
Jed, what are you thinking about?

Bartlet:
Tomorrow.