Tiny Toon Adventures, Season 1

[In the Warner Bros. studio, Daffy Duck's talking about a new movie]

Daffy Duck:
[offscreen] I tell ya, J.F., it'll be a smash; Honey, I Shrunk the Laundry, starring Daffy Duck! What do you say? [then kicked to the curb] Philistines!

Bugs Bunny:
[notices the audience] Oh. Eh. What’s up, docs? Welcome to a special edition of Tiny Toon Adventures. Eh, when Warner Bros. asked me to introduce their show, I said, 'For you guys, anything! as long as I'm paid in advance'. [a hand gives him a check, as Bugs looks at the check, he drops it and it bounces] I don’t accept checks! [a truck full of carrots and carrot products drives in and dumps it on Bugs] Thanks! Ah yes, Tiny Toon Adventures, a fine show. It all began quite a while ago, but I remember it clearly as if it were a flashback.

The Animator's Boss:
[while tearing up a script and tossing it into the garbage]: This is garbage! Garbage! [dumps the trash on the cartoonist's head] Nobody wants to see a show about some rich little brat named Monty! You'd better come up with a hit show by 9:00 A.M. tomorrow, kiddo... [pull out an axe] ...or it's the axe for us! Now, GET TO WORK!

The Animator:
Yes, sir! [glumly walks over to his desk] Oh, it's hopeless! I don't even know where to start!

Bugs Bunny:
Can't go wrong with rabbits, doc.

The Animator:
Hmm. Rabbits. [draws a picture of a baby rabbit]

Baby Rabbit:
[giggles] Golly, gee whiz! Aren't I just the cutest thing you ever saw? Uh-huh, uh-huh, I sure am! I'll go to your house and I'll live forever and ever and ever and you'll never ever ever get tired of me, and I'll go hippety-hop, hippety-hop right into your heart!

The Animator:
Ew! That thing'll give people cavities!

Baby Rabbit:
I love everybody and all the world, and I even love... [voice gets muffled as the Animator crumples his sketch up and puts it in the garbage can] ...being crumpled and thrown away.

The Animator:
Maybe something a bit more manly. [draws a picture of a Rambo-esque muscular rabbit]

Muscular Rabbit:
Aah! Prepare to fry, you insignificant slug! [He fires his flamethrower, which sets the paper on fire. The Animator puts out the fire with a cup of coffee]

The Animator:
"Never get him past the Parent-Teacher's association. I'll split the difference."

Buster Bunny:
[after being created] Say, how about drawing me a best friend? A buddy, a compadre? Someone I can talk to rabbit to rabbit? [the Animator then paints Barbara Anne "Babs" Bunny] A GIRL?!

Babs Bunny:
Welcome to the 90's.

Babs:
It's a girl thing. So what's your name?

Buster:
Good question. Hey, what are our names? [the Animator writes BUSTER above him] I'm Buster Bunny!

[The Animator writes BABS above her]

Babs:
And I'm Babs Bunny!

Buster and Babs:
No relation.

Buster:
Roger, rabbit!

Babs:
You've got the wrong bunny. [looks at her wrinkled state] Darn! I'm fourteen and I already have wrinkles! [pulls out an iron and irons herself]

[The camera pans over the map as Buster and Babs speak to each other]

Babs:
So, what do you call it, Rembrant?

Buster:
Green Acres.

Babs:
Get current.

Buster:
Okay, Acme Acres.

Sweetie Bird:
Hello, I'm Sweetie. [giggles] I can be the birdie who is always being chased by that mean old Furrball. [Furrball is licking his paw and not even bothering to catch her] Leave me alone, you nasty vicious predator! [pulls out a mallet and hits him with it]

Babs:
That's what this show needs, more heart! You're in!

Gogo:
I'm Gogo Dodo, and I shall perform Hamlet's Soliloquy. Ahem. Two bees... [transforms into two bee versions of himself] Or not 2B... [transforms into a door marked 2B, which he crosses out, then transforms into the Riddler] That is the question.

Plucky Duck:
Just a cotton-tailed minuto! You can't pull this show off without me! I am Plucky Duck. [hands them his card] My Resume. I'm a Swashbuckler! [turns into a 16th century swordsman] Oh, Ah! Perry, Thrush! [then changes into a superhero] Superhero! [flies up] Up, Up, and Up some more! [turns into a romantic man] A romantic lead, [then takes out a small mirror] Ah, you gorgeous hunk of duck! Let me take you away from this, and back to my place! [returns back in his normal clothing] And funny duck extraordinaire! [then takes out a pie and smashes it on his face] So what do you say uh, hmm uh?

Buster:
Ok!

Babs:
You're in!

Plucky:
Great! what's my role? Musketeer? [turns into a musketeer] Romeo? [turns into Romeo] Or just king? [turns into a king, then Buster shows up next to him]

Buster:
You're our sidekick. [then kicks Plucky into a pond, where he is standing in mid-air]

Plucky:
Sidekick?! no way! [then notices the pond and falls into it. He then returns] I am no sidekick! Hamton's the sidekick type! He has all the earmarks of a sidekick! [then shows one of Hamton's ears has the word SIDEKICK written on it, then tosses Hamton off-screen] I am a superstar, a super duper nova star! That's what I am! I'm exploding with talent!

Dizzy Devil:
Dizzy out of here! [spins to escape]

Elmyra Duff:
[jumps out] Elmyra just wants to hug you and squeeze you into itty bitty pieces! And then I'm going to change your diaper by myself!

Montana Max:
He can't do this to me! I'm rich! I'll Sue! [then jumps into the picture of Acme Acres] He'll never work in this town again!

Daffy:
[Bursting out from a closet] "It's mine! It's mine! Woohoo! What luck!"

Babs:
So let's give 'em the magic chant!

Buster:
There once was a girl from Nantucket...

Babs:
Not that chant

Fowlmouth:
Aw dadgum it! I spilt some [bleep bleep] milk all over my [bleep bleep] feathers!

Buster:
Did I say little problem?

Fowlmouth:
I mean if I had a nickel for every [bleep bleep] time I spilt some on my clothes I'd be a rich [bleep bleep bleep] guy! [bleep bleep]! I don't believe this [bleep]! What?! I [bleep] don't believe it! I got my [bleep] lunch all soggy and... [burps] Pardon me.

Buster:
Fowlmouth swears so much his beak has been declared a toxic waste dump.

Fowlmouth:
Aw [bleep] Buster. Look what I did. [bleep bleep]. Now Shirley will never [bleep bleep] give me the time of day.

Buster:
Uh uh. Not until you clean up your mouth.

Fowlmouth:
I [bleep bleep] just got to ask her to the dance this Saturday.

Fowlmouth:
Listen ears, I'm [bleep bleep] in love! I got to get Shirley to be my lovebird! Help me, will ya? WILL YA?

Buster:
That's my weak spot. Venerable poultry.

Buster:
Golly gosh Buster? F.M. you just said 3 whole sentences without swearing!

Fowlmouth:
Sure. There's little kids here ya know. What, do you think I'm crude or something?

Sylvester:
[to Furrball] Bring back a mouse and your portrait will hang with the great ones. Better yet, make it a mouse sandwich. I missed lunch.

Shirley:
[while fingering his chin causing to float] "Ahh, you're sweet, but I already promised Plucky I'd go with him."

[Just after she says it, Fowlmouth falls back to the ground upon hearing]

Fowlmouth:
[Taken aback] "Plucky?!"

[The camera cuts back to Buster and the Babies]

Buster:
[Flabbergasted] "Plucky?!

Bugs:
[to Buster] By the way. I love your show! [to audience] Eh, Warner Bros. paid me to say that.

Fifi La Fume:
Zis grape juice has a full body, no?

[Babs dresses herself to look like Plucky.]

Plucky:
Who do you think you are?!

Babs:
My name is Plucky Duck.

Plucky:
My name is Plucky Duck!

Shirley:
Déjà vu! It's to tell the truth!

Babs:
I'm Plucky Duck!

Plucky:
I'm Plucky Duck!

Babs:
No, I am, and I'm a silly green duck with an ego the size of Cleveland!

Plucky:
I'm the silly green duck with the ego the size of Cleveland!

Babs:
You're right!

[Babs is mocking the other toons]

Fifi La Fume:
[giggling] Do someone else!

Babs:
Hmm... [as Fifi] Bonjour, my leettle cheese brioche of love. I hold all my men smellbound.

Fifi La Fume:
[angry] I am not like zat at all!

Babs:
Le sigh, my boyfriends have stood me up more times zan ze French National Anthem.

Babs:
[as Elmer Presley, singing] Every time I go hunting, try to catch a bunny, my gun expwodes and it really isn't funny.

Babs:
Pandemonium doesn't reign around here...it pours.

Plucky:
Don't try this at home, kids. This should be done only by trained, professional idiots.

Plucky:
[being dragged by a bus] I'd better stop this. I might get to like it.

Shark:
[spits out Plucky] I'm a vegetarian.

Elmyra:
[in sing-song voice] I'm going to get my bunny! I'm going to get my bunny!

Calamity Coyote:
Shhhh!

[Buster takes a carrot from Calamity's trap but it does not work]

Elmyra:
It didn't work! Your fancy smanchy trap didn't work! [throws basket of carrots in Calamity's mouth] It didn't work, and why didn't it work?!

Calamity Coyote:
Uh oh.

[Calamity spits the carrots out of his mouth]

Buster:
Hey! What about the interview, Monty?

Babs:
Yeah, we had a deal! You can't do this!

Montana Max:
Sure I can! Because i'm rich, and you're not! [laughs]

Buster:
"Oh, enough, Babs. Rope it in,"

[The monster doesn’t seem to understand]

Buster:
"Tie it down, huh? I'm not falling for it again, okay? Just skip it, will you?"

[The camera moves to the right side of the screen as Babs spins out of a burrow]

Babs:
"Skip what?"

[Buster looks at Babs in shock and realizes that the Two-headed Monster is a real monster just as the latter looks a the two rabbits]

Buster:
"Skip faster than you have ever skipped before."

[Buster grabs Babs by her hand and pulls her away. The camera cuts to a view of a hill and zooms out as the Two-headed Monster chases Buster and Babs, then the screen fades to black]

Plucky [as the Toxic Revenger]:
Thanks to The Toxic Revenger, friend of the little guy, once again the World is a late safer. [The rumble forms a mountain which shows off the Presidents, one of which has his face] And a whole lot prettier! [He runs off in victory, dancing as he joins his swamp friends]

Buster:
Hey! Where’s Babs?

Plucky:
I don’t know.

Babs:
[Does a Tarzan yell as she swings by using Furrball’s fur as a vine] I can’t help myself. [chuckles]

Plucky:
That was unnecessary.

Fifi La Fume:
If looks could kill, you would not be feeling so well, eh?

Fifi La Fume:
Oh, my totally awesome beau, you are like ripe brie in my arms!

Fifi La Fume:
Leettle boys are such children!

Fifi La Fume:
Zere are many fish een ze sea, but you are zee only one for me!

Fifi La Fume:
Alone again! Poor, poor Fifi! No one loves you! Le boo! Le hoo! Le boo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo!

Fifi:
Ooh la la! Mon petite, skunk hunk! Beware my leetle chocolate croissant! Fifi eez going to cover you up!

Buster:
This is ridculous. We've been waiting in line for an hour to have dinner. Why don't we go to Weenie Burger like we always do?

Hamton:
But Buster, this is the most exclusive restaurant in Acme Acres. I've been dying to eat here!

Buster:
[his tummy rumbles very loudly] You probably will die, of starvation.

Hamton J. Pig:
Sometimes a guy gets real shy when he asks out a girl that he likes [gulp] ehh, know what I mean Fifi?

Fifi La Fume:
Hmph! I think ze whole idea of proms and dates eez a lot of sexist, outdated, how-you-say, hooey!

Hamton J. Pig:
Gosh, that's too bad, Fifi. I was kinda hoping you'd be my date. Oh, well.

Fifi La Fume:
Bless you, mon petite bacon of pig! I thought no one would ask me! [kisses]

Fifi La Fume:
Sacre pew! Can you do something with my hair?

Fifi La Fume:
Crepe suzette! Bugs Bunny eez doing Buster's dance!

Shirley the Loon:
Like, I had no idea Buster was so totally cool!

Babs:
So you never learned to dance, huh?

Buster:
What can I say? I'm a trendsetter!

Elmyra:
Why, Monty, what's the matter?

Monty:
You're what's the matter! You're a complete waste of space! You have a personality that rivals spore mold! On the evolutionary chart, you rank someplace between head cheese and toaster ovens. You're a cruise to nowhere! A null! A void! A 0!

Elmyra:
Just what are trying to say?

Monty:
[growls] I don't like you! Read my lips! I...DON'T...LIKE...YOU!

[Crushed, Elmyra shatters to pieces, then sweeps herself into a dustpan]

Montana Max:
You can't do this to me! I'm rich! I'm important! I'm a Republican!

Montana Max:
Y'know, you're really not like a toaster oven, more like a microwave; and I'm sorry I called you spore mold, and maybe if no one was around, I'd consider dancing with you.

Elmyra Duff:
Friend?

Montana Max:
Yeah, okay, I guess.

Elmyra Duff:
Oh, Monty-wonty, I knew it! I knew it! You do love me! Let's cut a rug, buggie!

Montana Max:
Me and my big mouth!

[Arnold and his date dance]

Buster:
Now, there goes a cute couple.

Plucky:
Yeah, but a couple of what?

Fifi La Fume:
Dear diary, I am so happy! I think I may boo hoo!

Plucky:
[after Buster beats him at Pac-Man] Hey! You put out my eye!

Buster:
Aw relax. Just blink & you'll be fine.

Montana Max:
Hi, friends. Montana Max here, asking for your support. As we all know, Acme Loo needs a new student council president who's reliable, honest, and fair, but I want you to vote for me anyway!

Furrball:
[crying] No! Poor little Sweetie! Gone! Gone forever! It's not fair! I wanted to eat her!

Babs:
What do you know about Honey?

Hamton:
Uh...it's sweet, and Winnie the Pooh has a problem with it...

[The Looney Tunes are having a school meeting in the teacher's lounge]

Foghorn Leghorn:
I say, I say that's a joke!

Daffy:
Woo hoo, woo hoo!

Road Runner:
Beep Beep!

Tweety:
I taught I taw a putty tat!

[Calamity is shown in the back of a moving van waving goodbye to his old home, while crying]

Wile E. Coyote:
[narrating] Ah yes. And then came another big day. Your father had taken a new job in the city & you were moving away. You wouldn't see any roadrunners in the city.

Little Beeper:
[seen in the back of a moving van and Calamity sees him] Beep Beep!

Wile E. Coyote:
Or would you?

Wile E. Coyote:
[after falling on the ground] Don't I get anything flashed in front of my eyes? [gets ran over by a truck driven by Little Beeper]

Granny:
Hamton, how do you expect me to get a proper temperature when you take the thermometer out of your mouth to sing?

Hamton:
Oh, that wasn't me, it was my frog. [to the dead frog] Come on! Sing, sing! [to Granny] You remember? [sings] Hello my baby, hello my honey, hello my ragtime gal!

Buster:
Take away your props and costumes; what would you be?

Babs:
Naked.

Babs:
[after seeing Montana Max torture rabbit actors in his film] Oh, that's sick!

Buster:
Boo! Get it off!

Montana Max:
[the Tiny Toons mob him and] Hey what are you doing? Put me down! This will be a Christmas classic! THIS IS CENSORSHIP! I'LL SUE!

[They threw him out of the theater]

Daffy Duck:
[to Bugs Bunny] This is your revenge for all those Rabbit Season signs I put up every year, isn't it? Sadist!

[Beeper zooms up and give Buster and Babs two Carrot and Mushroom pizza's]

Beeper:
Meep Meep!

Buster:
What took you so fast? [gives Beeper money for the pizza]

Beeper:
Beep Beep! [runs off]

Buster:
Little Beeper is a guy who adds new meaning to the expression 'fast foods'. [takes a bite of pizza]

Babs:
But his line of work has real hazards.

Buster:
Particularly, the one called Calamity Coyote.

[Calamity is looking up info on roadrunners on his computer]

Computer:
Roadrunner's are very vain and can not resist mirrors.

[Beeper hands Calamity a slice of pizza. Calamity eats it and in shock bursts into tears and holds up a sign saying 'Hot chili pizza!' He launches in the air with his mouth burning and falls to the ground as Buster and Babs arrive in an ambulance]

Buster:
Well toonsters. That's it for part time jobs. [he and Babs carry Calamity in the ambulance]

Babs:
Because keeping Calamity healthy is a full time job. Hit it Beeper!

[Beeper in the drivers seat mimics a siren sound]

Buster and Babs:
So long.

[Ambulance drives off as Beeper appears in a black background as the cartoon closes]

Beeper:
Beep Beep! [runs off]

Elmyra:
Bachelor number two. We're at an expensive restaurant, and you find you've forgotten your wallet. Who was the twelfth president of the United States?

Buster:
Guys, when dealing with a date's parent, small talk is unavoidable. Rule #9: Pick a topic you're comfortable with! [to Babs' dad] Gee, sir, you must displace a great deal of water when submerged!

Fifi:
Excuse moi sort of nerdy coyote, but did you see a boy skunk come by? [Calamity shakes his head no] Le sigh. Alone again. Natural boo. [sobs and walks off]

[Calamity feels sorry for Fifi as Beeper scares him mimicking a car horn. Calamity jumps up and falls down]

Beeper:
Ha ha ha ha! [runs off backwards mocking Calamity in sing-song voice] Na-na-na-na-na! [crashes into a parking meter]

Granny:
Now Elmyra, can you tell me how to use trigonometry when animating a dog in a catfight?

Elmyra Duff:
First, you animate the animals, paying attention to the soft furry coats on each one, and then you put them to cuddly parts, so you want to squeeze them, and love them, and hug them forever! Oh, and you also use trigonometry.

Granny:
That's very sweet...and very [moves her head close to Elmyra] WRONG! 12,000 page-term paper due Monday.

Gotcha:
[after the octopi chant Yo-ho-ho. Yo!] Must they yo-ho-ho so much?

Octavius:
Would you rather they sang the score of Annie?

Gotcha:
Carry on.

Buster:
I suppose this means I don't get an A in the course.

[An angry Bugs stomps forward, frightening him off]

Babs:
So you're a detective. A shamus. A sleuth. A P.I. A peeper.

Buster:
And you must be a thesaurus.

Fifi La Fume:
Oh, zat is so sad!

Babs:
Will you do it, Fifi?

Fifi La Fume:
Of course I will. [sniffling] Oh, ze poor leetle child! [cries]

Fifi La Fume:
I may be witty, I most certainly am pretty, but I am NOT A KITTY!

Fifi La Fume:
Coupe de Ville! I have been juiced!

Sweetie:
That'll teach that kitty to ignore me! [her tummy rumbles] Ooh! All that work gave me an appetite!

Roger Rabbit:
P-P-P-Please, You have to let me on your show! I've got to keep my wife in glitter paint! [pulls out a frying pan and starts hitting himself on the head with it] Look! I'm wacky! Zany! Toony! [the trap door opens under him and he falls in, screaming]

Buster:
We're auditioning new characters for the show.

Narrator:
She came out strong.

Fifi:
Hold Me!

Narrator:
But something about her lingered. She was a girl. She was a mystery. She was...

All:
A skunk!

Narrator:
Calvin Acme's Depression.

Fifi:
Le sigh.

Narrator:
You've got a smell so strong, nothing can cover it up.

Coyote Kid:
You just made a big mistake rabbit!

Plucky:
I hope you like it hot!

Coyote Kid:
The hotter, the better!