United States of Tara, Season 1

Max:
Where's Mom?

Marshall:
I'm not sure if Mom's here. I mean-Mom's here but I don't know if "Mom"'s here.

Tara:
Am I high?

Marshall:
Maybe a little bit.

Tara:
Listen, I want to thank you for being such a strong, supportive kid. I'm lucky.

Marshall:
We're lucky, Mom. Because of you, we get to be interesting.

Tara:
Do you like being interesting?

Marshall:
I love it!

Marshall:
Mom?

Kate:
No. Mom keeps her ass-crack in check. It's "T".

Marshall:
[He turns around and sees a pink thong] I can see that now.

Tara:
[as Alice] What is it?

Kate:
Just having a weird day.

Tara:
Well, snap yourself out of it. We're here to have a nice dinner.

Kate:
I don't wanna have a nice dinner.

Tara:
Kate, I know you aren't fond of me, but I'm concerned about your development as a young woman, just like your mother. You're promiscuous. You aren't guarding your flower.

Kate:
What do you want, Alice?

Tara:
I want to let you know that even though I deeply disapprove of the way you carry yourself, your mother loves you very much.

Kate:
[scoffs] Yeah?

Tara:
Yes. She wants you to know she didn't mean to over react about those pills you brought home. She just doesn't want you being "intimate" at your age. Because she had you at 19 and that was quite a hardship.

Kate:
I'm not a hardship. I'm awesome.

Tara:
You're a graceless ingrate, ha.

Kate:
You mean a slut? A girl who likes boys, who lets boys know she likes them? A girl who orgasm's, who moans and moans and screams in ecstasy? A girl who sucks and fucks, a girl with absolutely no back-door shyness?

Tara:
That's it! I'm going to wash your mouth out with soap.

Kate:
Ha ha! You've got to be kidding me.

Tara:
[shoves liquid soap into Kate's face] Try me!