WWE SmackDown!, 2002

Vince McMahon:
The WWF is going to die. I know that. The WWF has cancer. Because of Ric Flair. Flair's gonna kill it. And the kind of cancer Flair gave the WWF, is the slow, eating, kind of cancer. It's not quick. I'm not gonna let Ric Flair kill what I created. Me. The WWF is mine. It's mine. I created it! I'm not gonna let Ric Flair kill what I created. Because I'm going to kill what I created! I'M GONNA KILL IT! I'm gonna kill my creation! I'm going to inject the WWF with a lethal dose of poison. If anybody's gonna kill my creation, I'm gonna do it. [turns his chair revealing "nWo" on the back] Me and the nWo.

[Hollywood Hulk Hogan and Triple H have eliminated each other in a battle royal to determine the number one contender for the WWE Undisputed Championship at King of the Ring]

Vince McMahon:
Well well well uh, may I have your attention please? Hogan, Triple H, listen up. I mean uh, seems to me we have quite a dilemma here now don't we? I mean, Hogan and Triple H going over the top rope at the very same time with apparently no conclusive proof as to who actually won. So, I ask all of you then, who should face The Undertaker at the King of the Ring? Should it be, should it be Hulk Hogan? [crowd cheers] Should it be Triple H? [crowd cheers] Well I can tell you this. I'm not about to allow some hokey okies influencing my decision. [crowd boos] But I will allow one individual in influence me, as a matter of fact, his name is The Undertaker. You see, during the commercial break, I called The Undertaker at home. But quite frankly, he doesn't give a damn which individual he faces either. Because The Undertaker looks at both Hogan and Triple H, both of you gentlemen, as losers. And why shouldn't he? I mean, let's face it, Hogan, at Judgment Day, The Undertaker defeated you for the Undisputed title. And uh, Triple H, last week here on SmackDown!, The Undertaker beat the holy living hell out of you. So then, who should face The Undertaker for the Undisputed title at the King of the Ring? I'll tell you who it's gonna be. The winner of tonight's one on one encounter between Triple H and Hulk Hogan.

Michael Cole:
Tonight?

McMahon:
Thank you very much.

Tony Chimel:
Ladies and gentlemen, here to sing "America the Beautiful" on our nation's birthday, WWE's own, Lilian Garcia!

Lilian Garcia:
[singing] Oh beautiful, for spacious skies, for amber waves of grain, for purple mountain majesties, above the fruited plain, America, America, God shed his grace on thee, and crown thy good with brotherhood, from sea to shining sea. America, America, God shed his --

Lance Storm:
[over Garcia's singing] Stop the music! Stop the singing! Stop all of this right now! [comes down to the ring with Christian and Test as the crowd boos] I don't mean to ruin your little birthday celebration. We've had all we can take of this America the Beautiful crap! Lilian, get out of that ring. A matter of fact, get out of this building!

Christian:
Get out of here! [Lilian leaves the ring as the crowd boos and chants "USA!"] Today, July the 4th. America celebrates Independence Day. Well let me ask you all a question. Do you even know why you're celebrating? Well considering the ignorance of the American youth, you probably think of Independence Day as the day Will Smith saved the world from a bunch of aliens!

Storm:
But let me tell you what really happened. America was founded as British colonies. And in 1776, America declared itself an independent country, and turned its back on Britain! Now that's gratitude for ya. But America could only contain its aggression within its own boundaries for so long. Ultimately, America released its war-like hostilities on the rest of the world. There was World War I, World War II, the Korean War. Tell me America, what right did you have to be in Korea? [crowd chants "Asshole!"] What right did you have to be in Vietnam? Vietnam, it's a bit of a touchy subject, isn't it? Why? Because you were defeated. You Americans are such hypocrites! You don't like me out here telling you the truth. You don't wanna hear what the rest of the world has to say. It's funny how that contradicts your very own Constitution. The First Amendment speaks of freedom of expression. A freedom of speech. [crowd chants "You suck!"] But you Americans don't really wanna hear what other countries have to say about you.

Test:
Other countries say America is the most hypocritical nation in the world. The rest of the world hates America. We hate America. So for your birthday, America, dig this.

Christian, Storm, and Test:
AMERICA SUCKS!

Vince McMahon:
Hold on. Never before, never before have I seen such angst, such concern on the faces of WWE superstars. All I did was make one simple announcement last Monday night there'd be a new GM for Raw and a new GM for SmackDown!. I can say this, to all the superstars on Raw, if you are that concerned, as you think the grass is greener on the other side over here on SmackDown!, you are free to negotiate with the new GM of SmackDown!.

Tazz:
Who it is.

Vince:
Likewise, all the superstars of SmackDown!, if you think the grass is greener over on Raw, hey you can go ahead and negotiate with Raw‍'‍s new GM. I'm sure many of you thought I lost my mind when I named Eric Bischoff general manager of Raw. I'm sure you have complete control over all of my mental faculties and I know you're thinking, wait a minute, Eric Bischoff tried to put you out of business McMahon. Yeah, he tried. I named Eric Bischoff general manager of Raw because he's the best person for the job and because he is innovative, and because unquestionably, he enjoys ruthless aggression. Which would then bring us to tonight's announcement, and the announcement of your SmackDown! general manager. Likewise, this general manager is the best person for the job. Much like Bischoff, this person as well tried to put me out of business, and also has a history of ruthless aggression. The only difference between Bischoff and the new GM of SmackDown! is I said to the Raw audience they truly deserve Eric Bischoff as their general manager. I'm not so sure that all of you people, the SmackDown! audience, actually deserve your new general manager.

Tazz:
Who's it gonna be?

Vince:
So with that in mind, allow me to introduce you to the new general manager of SmackDown!, Stephanie McMahon!

Tazz:
Whoa!

Michael Cole:
What?! [Stephanie McMahon's music hits]

Tazz:
Ho ho! [Stephanie McMahon comes out]

Cole:
You mean, Mr. McMahon's daughter, Stephanie McMahon.

Tazz:
As she's the one, my man! There's only one Stephanie McMahon and you're looking at her. [Stephanie shakes hands with Vince] She's our new boss! [the SmackDown! roster is backstage looking distressed]

Cole:
The SmackDown! superstars in the back, I don't think any of them can believe what's going on.

Tazz:
Ruthless aggression. Stephanie McMahon's got ruthless aggression in the bloodline.

Stephanie McMahon:
Welcome to my show, SmackDown!. Eric Bischoff is a parasite. Shane was right. But the one thing my brother was wrong about was when he said that he was going to screw Vince McMahon, screw this company, and screw my family because I won't let that happen. And I won't allow Eric Bischoff to steal your SmackDown! superstars from you. Those superstars include The Rock, they include Hulk Hogan, they include Edge and they include the man who Bischoff says would have made WCW a success. The man who Bischoff knows to be the greatest ring general in the world today. The man who has truly earned the moniker "the game", Triple H.

Cole:
That's her soon to be ex-husband.

Stephanie:
Bischoff claimed that his first official act as the general manager was going to be at Vengeance, when he signed Triple H to Raw. So Bischoff at Vengeance, if you want Triple H to go down to that very ring and choose between Raw or SmackDown!, I don't have a problem with that, because the egg is gonna be on your face, Bischoff, when you're left standing there and Triple H leaves Vengeance and comes back home to his fans at SmackDown!. Now I am the general manager of SmackDown! with the full support of Vince McMahon. The same way you, Bischoff, are the general manager of Raw. But the only advantage you have over me Bischoff, is about three days. Now you said your official act, your first official act was going to take place at Vengeance? Well my first official act as general manager of SmackDown! is gonna take place right now when I throw you the hell out of my building!

Stephanie McMahon:
Stupid piece of crap. [throws hairpiece as the door knocks] Come in! [Chris Benoit enters] Chris, I can't believe how my staff screwed up, and now you have to defend the Intercontinental title at SummerSlam. Now I know, that you're gonna beat RVD. I know that you're gonna keep the Intercontinental Championship right here on SmackDown!.

Chris Benoit:
Oh I'm gonna beat his ass.

McMahon:
I know you will. You're gonna make RVD tap, aren't you?

Benoit:
Oh I'm gonna make him squeal.

McMahon:
You're gonna make RVD tap just like you made The Rock tap two weeks ago! Isn't that right? 'Cause I'm gonna make it up to you, Chris. Tonight, the main event is going to be Chris Benoit versus The Rock!

Tazz:
Whoa ho ho!

McMahon:
And I want you to send a message to RVD through The Rock! I want you to make The Rock tap! I want you to, I want you to make him tap, I want you to make him, make him --

Benoit:
I'm gonna make him moan, I'm gonna make him whimper, I'M GONNA MAKE HIM SQUEAL!

McMahon:
Yeah. So we're on?

Benoit:
So much.

[Chris Benoit and Kurt Angle are about to compete in a number one contender's match]

Stephanie McMahon:
Allow me to introduce to you, the next competitor, a legendary superstar that I just signed to SmackDown!, ladies and gentlemen, the phenom, The Undertaker!

[Kurt Angle comes out to the ring for his match against Rey Mysterio. The crowd chants "you suck" along to his music]

Michael Cole:
And welcome to the season premiere of SmackDown!, the only place you can see the Olympic gold medalist, Kurt Angle! [after Kurt poses and the pyro goes off for his entrance] And Kurt Angle on his way to the ring, set for action against Rey Mysterio, and Angle will be a part of SmackDown! next week in Colorado Springs; who knows what awaits us there!

Tazz:
Well, let's talk about the major media coverage for the season premiere of SmackDown!.

Michael:
That's tonight!

Tazz:
Good job! Billy and Chuck right in the thick of it! They did the Today show, the tomato, they did Howard Stern - well, they didn't really do Stern, but they were on his show; they were in the, uh, New York Post, that covers the newspaper in New York, and then the USA Today which, uh, covers America! [singing] America, America! [Michael laughs]

[the crowd boos as Kurt takes the microphone]

Kurt Angle:
How appropriate! We're here in "Mini"...and I have a return match with Rey Mysterio! Pretty funny, huh? Get it? Rey Mysterio being "mini" -

Tazz:
Good segue.

Kurt:
- you know, short? Oh, come on, people, that's funny!

Tazz:
I like that bit. I hate short people!

Kurt:
It's a heck of a lot funnier than me gettin' the Stinkface last week! [the crowd cheers] Oh yeah, people were yuckin' it up then, they thought it was hilarious!

Crowd:
What?

Kurt:
Well, I'll tell you what's not gonna be so funny...

Crowd:
What?

Kurt:
...what I'm about to do to Rey Mysterio tonight!

Crowd:
What?

Kurt:
...you people like Rey Mysterio, huh?

Crowd:
What? [cheers]

Kurt:
That figures...since most of you would benefit from wearing a mask yourselves!

Crowd:
What?

[Tazz laughs]

Kurt:
Oh yeah, you betcha!

Tazz:
"You betcha"? "Betcha"?

Kurt:
And Chris Benoit, if I even see you laugh at me again... [the crowd starts a "you suck" chant] ...Chris Benoit, if I even see you laugh at me again...there's gonna be two holy unions tonight! ["What?"] Billy and Chuck... ["What?"] ...and your face and my fist!

Crowd:
What? [boos]

Kurt:
And Rey Mysterio! I want you to remember one thing! ["What?"] You're a boy... ["What?"] ...in a man's world! ["What?"] And I'm a man who loves to play with boys! [suddenly looks confused]

Crowd:
What?

Tazz:
What the-?!

Kurt:
No no no, wait a minute, wait a minute, SHUT UP! Hold on, no-no-no-no! Shut up! Hold on a second! Hold on a second! [mouthing "shut up" to the cheering crowd] What I meant to say...! Listen! [the crowd chants "you suck" again] Mysterio!! Rey Mysterio, what I meant to say...is you're a boy...and I'm a man! And tonight, I'm gonna love to manhandle you...no, wait a minute!

[the crowd cheers as Kurt smacks himself in the head over what he just said; Michael and Tazz both laugh]

Tazz:
Kurt! Put the mic down...

Michael:
Stop while you're ahead!

Kurt:
Hold on a second, hold on a second...

Tazz:
Put the mic down!

Kurt:
Hold on - shut up! SHUT UP! Shut up! Rey Mysterio! You remember this, pal! You're a boy, and I'm a man! And when you and I get together here tonight, I'm gonna get on top of you, and - no no-! [begins jumping up and down in frustration as the crowd cheers again and the hosts continue to laugh] Mysterio, get your butt out here, 'cause I'm gonna kick your butt!! [finally drops the mic]

Tazz [laughing]:
Oh, Kurt! Well, he's a hell of a wrestler, though!

Michael:
The Olympic champion Kurt Angle meets Rey Mysterio, next!

Michael Cole:
Undertaker, we understand this is extremely difficult for you.

The Undertaker:
Of all the things that I've been in my life, I've never been a liar. So I've requested this time so I can get a few things off my chest and set the record straight. When I was accused by this woman of being a cheater, well I lied. I do know her. But I mean, look, I knew a lot of women like her back then. But see, that was years ago. It was a long time ago, YEARS before I ever met my wife, Sara. So to say I was surprised last week when I got to SmackDown! and here's this woman accusing me of being a cheater, surprised would be an understatement. And man I had to make a judgment call, because all I could see was my pregnant wife sitting at home watching this woman accuse me of being a cheater. Truth is, I haven't seen this woman in about seven years. I don't know what she wants. I don't know if she's been paid off by Brock Lesnar and Paul Heyman. I don't know, all I know is the last week of my life has been a living hell due to Brock Lesnar and Paul Heyman. But let me guarantee you two something. The hell that I've been through is nothing, IS NOTHING compared to the hell that I'm gonna put you two through this Sunday in the Cell.

Michael Cole:
Inside the ring here, SmackDown! general manager Stephanie McMahon, and perhaps Tazz, she'll tell us what she had to give up to acquire The Big Show in the trade.

Stephanie McMahon:
Well it's already been one hell of a night on SmackDown! and we're just getting warmed up! Now I knew I made the right decision when I made the trade for The Big Show because he's already been impressive. But speaking of impressive, check out this trophy right here in the middle of the ring. Because this trophy will be awarded to the first-ever WWE Tag Team Champions exclusively for you, on SmackDown!. So without further ado, allow me to introduce you to the first half of the WWE Tag Team Champions, the only Olympic gold medalist in WWE, Kurt Angle!

Cole:
And Kurt Angle has now held all major titles in the WWE. On Sunday, Kurt Angle and Chris Benoit made history, winning the tag team tournament to become the first-ever WWE Tag Team Champions.

Tazz:
You know Cole, Kurt Angle's used to gold, he's used to trophies, Kurt Angle's always making history. I'm proud to say that Kurt Angle, one half of the new WWE Tag Team Champions.

McMahon:
And his partner, the Rabid Wolverine, Chris Benoit!

Cole:
Well you know Tazz, later on tonight, we are going to find out who the first challengers will be for the new tag team champions because Edge and Rey Mysterio are gonna meet the Guerreros in a number one contender's matchup.

Tazz:
Well absolutely, that match will be off the hook, as is our tag champs, Angle and Benoit.

Cole:
Look at Kurt Angle. Looks like a father holding the new baby with uh -

Tazz:
How big that trophy is!

Cole:
The new trophy.

Tazz:
It's huge! Look at that! Kurt don't wanna let it go.

Kurt Angle:
Stephanie, I'd just like to say how right you were to force me to set aside my personal differences with Chris Benoit, so I could single-handedly lead my team to victory at No Mercy. Wow! You know who's captain of this team? It is my pleasure to accept this trophy. And I'd like to assure my partner that this trophy will be set aside of my Olympic memorabilia on my wall of fame at home. Oh it's true, it's damn true!

Tazz:
Kurt said it.

Angle:
Woo!

Tazz:
He's the captain of the team Cole!

Cole:
Single-handedly? I think Benoit had something to do with the victory.

Tazz:
The captain!

Chris Benoit:
Angle, the next time you come out here, you leave that Olympic-sized ego of yours back in the locker room. Because I'm here. Everyone knows there's only one captain and that is me. Let's get it straight. We wouldn't have won these titles if it wasn't for me. And you're damn lucky Stephanie made that stipulation between us. 'Cause if she hadn't, I'd have kicked the hell out of your Olympic ass!

Angle:
Listen here, Mr. Toothless Aggression! I won the freakin' match, I did! Therefore, I'm the star, and you're the supporting player! The trophy's mine, all mine, give it to me!

Benoit:
Take your damn hands off that trophy, or you will eat it! So that so? [Angle and Benoit fight over the trophy]

Tazz:
That trophy ain't got a shot. [Angle wrestles the trophy away but knocks over McMahon with it] No oh man!

Cole:
Well that didn't - that was an accident.

Tazz:
That was an accident. [Angle helps McMahon up] Stephanie whoa. [McMahon slaps Angle in the face]

Cole:
Bet Kurt's groggy now. [Benoit is laughing hysterically at Angle]

Tazz:
Benoit's laughing his tail off! [McMahon slaps Benoit in the face and Benoit looks furiously at McMahon]

McMahon:
You two are like petulant children! And if the two of you, look what you did to this trophy! If you two can't get along, then we're gonna settle this the old-fashioned way, in the ring. Kurt, tonight, it will be you, Kurt Angle, one-on-one against Chris Benoit.

Tazz:
Oh yeah!

Cole:
But they're partners!

Tazz:
Well that's cool man! That should be a -

McMahon:
And the winner of that match will get to keep this stupid broken trophy! Now both get ready.

Cole:
Well Tazz, not only do we have a number one contender's match tonight to determine who will face the Tag Team Champions, but now the Tag Team Champions are gonna fight amongst themselves! Benoit and Angle, one-on-one tonight!

Tazz:
Only on SmackDown!, you'll see the tag champs collide! And look at that poor trophy!

Cole:
Yeah and the winner of that match gets to keep that poor trophy! All egos are gonna explode tonight.

Marc Lloyd:
Paul. Paul Heyman.

Paul Heyman:
What?

Lloyd:
I was just hoping to get a word on the physical condition of Brock Lesnar.

Heyman:
Why don't you ask me about the physical condition of The Undertaker? I mean, The Undertaker was thrown off the stage by The Big Show three weeks ago, have you heard one from The Undertaker, no! Brock Lesnar got thrown off the stage last week by The Big Show. You wanna know the physical condition of the WWE Champion? Brock Lesnar has a broken rib and he's been coughing up blood all week. The difference between Brock Lesnar and everybody else is, Marc, is that Brock Lesnar will defend the WWE title and he will do it this Sunday at Survivor Series against The Big Show. What Brock Lesnar won't do though, is show up tonight here on SmackDown!. And that's by doctors' orders and by my orders. [turns around and sees Big Show behind him]

Big Show:
If by some chance, Brock Lesnar shows up here tonight, I want you to know, that I'm calling Brock Lesnar out.

Michael Cole:
And here in the parking garage of the Hartford Civic Center, there is a one-man welcoming committee for the WWE Champion, The Big Show and Paul Heyman.

Tazz:
Lesnar ripped of his title by his agent at Survivor Series.

Chris Benoit:
Tonight, I'm involved in a fatal-four-way elimination match with Kurt Angle, Edge, and Eddie Guerrero. And the winner of this match becomes the number one contender for the WWE title. And that's all I ever wanted, that's all I've ever dreamed of. All the sacrifices that I've ever made. I broke my neck. The numbness I still have. The divorce I went through. The two kids in Edmonton, David and Megan, that I rarely see. My wife that I love, and leave every week, kiss her goodbye, and my baby boy Daniel, that I kiss goodbye every week to go on the road, to do what I do, to do what I love. To be what I wanna be, the WWE Champion. And there's three men standing in my way. Kurt Angle, Eddie Guerrero, and Edge. I've been wrestling for 17 years now, and I'm gonna do everything I know and use everything I have to go through them tonight, to become what I wanna be, what I've always dreamed of being since I've been 3 years old. A champion. The champion. The WWE Champion.

Justin Roberts:
Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome the general manager of SmackDown!, Stephanie McMahon!

Michael Cole:
And Stephanie McMahon, Tazz, has had a busy week reviewing that disturbing incident, which occurred when SmackDown! went off the air last week. It was between Kurt Angle and Brock Lesnar, and could have major ramifications on the WWE title picture.

Stephanie McMahon:
Now, you all just saw a graphic for the WWE Championship, a match between Kurt Angle and The Big Show tonight. [crowd cheers] Unfortunately, that match is not going to take place. [crowd boos] And it's all due to Brock Lesnar. See, what you all don't know is what Brock Lesnar did to Kurt Angle after SmackDown! went off the air last week. Kurt Angle will not be able to compete tonight. As a matter of fact, Kurt Angle might not even be able to compete until the Royal Rumble. But I'm not gonna sit here and explain to you all what happened to Kurt Angle. I'm gonna show you the footage later tonight. Now, as far -- [Big Show's music plays]

Cole:
Well this is indeed a surprise. The former WWE Champion, The Big Show, on his way out here.

Tazz:
This has the makings of the possibility of an explosion whenever the big angry giant known as The Big Show comes out to the SmackDown! ring.

Cole:
You saw Big Show now part of this mob that Paul Heyman and Kurt Angle are involved in. Paul Heyman the agent, Big Show and Kurt Angle, the clients. A rather formidable group, to say the least. But what brings The Big Show out here now?

McMahon:
Well, thanks for interrupting me, Show, uh, but where's your mouthpiece? Where's your agent Paul Heyman?

Big Show:
Stephanie, Paul's not here yet. And I want to speak to you myself.

McMahon:
So you came out here and uh, interrupted me and couldn't wait and speak to me in my office like everybody else?

Big Show:
You know, Steph, I didn't feel like waiting. I just heard that Kurt Angle might not be able to defend his WWE Championship until Royal Rumble? I didn't hear you name me as Kurt Angle's opponent. Now I'm sure that was just an oversight, right? I'm sure you meant to make that match, right, Stephanie?

McMahon:
Show, everything I do, I do for a reason. And unless you wanna wind up suspended like Brock Lesnar was, then I suggest you BACK OFF!

Tazz:
Wow! Gutsy broad.

McMahon:
Now, Paul Heyman did name you as the number one contender to face Kurt Angle last week. But I am the general manager of SmackDown!, not Paul Heyman. And I think you need to earn your title shot. Therefore tonight, you will compete in a number one contender's match, the winner of which to face Kurt Angle at Royal Rumble. So tonight's match, Big Show, will be you versus Chris Benoit.

Cole:
Tonight?!

Tazz:
That's big! And I think that's fair!

Big Show:
Chris Benoit? Chris Benoit, that little toothless wonder can't hold a candle to me! I'm 7 foot tall, I'm 500 pounds! [Chris Benoit's music plays] I'm --

Cole:
Uh-oh! There is Chris Benoit!

Tazz:
No fear, no intimidation. That's the wolverine.

Cole:
And The Big Show has taken his jacket off. The Big Show and Chris Benoit set to meet later tonight, could explode right here, right now!

Tazz:
And it's well-documented how bad Chris Benoit wants to be the WWE Champion.

Chris Benoit:
You have absolutely no idea what I am capable of, Big Show. And don't even think for a second that I forgot about when you Chokeslammed me last week. You know the only thing stopping me from breaking your damn neck right now is our match tonight. Last week, I made Kurt Angle tap, just like I'm gonna make you tap tonight. And you want to be the number one contender for the WWE title?

Big Show:
Listen, Benoit. I'm a giant. And obviously, you're not. And the only chance in hell you have of beating me is to take me from my size all the way down to your size, and I don't see that happening. [Benoit low blows Big Show]

Cole:
Oh!

Tazz:
Oh ho ho ho ho ho!

Cole:
That's a way to do it! A low blow to The Big Show!

Tazz:
Oh very low, very low blow! And look at that grin, look at the grin on Benoit's face. And look at the grimace in pain on The Big Show's face!

Cole:
It looked like a gut shot from Chris Benoit! The Rabid Wolverine with a first strike here tonight, sending The Big Show a little message for later on!

Tazz:
Chris Benoit's got that vicious, vicious attitude. Big Show might be in trouble.

Cole:
It's Show and Benoit to determine the number one contender for the title tonight!