WWE SmackDown!, 2022

Paul Heyman:
Ladies and gentlemen, my name is Paul Heyman, and I'm here tonight to serve as special counsel to your Tribal Chief, the reigning, defending, undisputed, uncontroverted WWE Universal Heavyweight Champion, Roman Reigns.

You know why we bothered to come here tonight? To acknowledge what really happened. Let's acknowledge a couple of uncomfortable truths right now. There was no plot, there was no scenario, there was no conspiracy. This was not done to make Brock Lesnar look foolish, though he looks like a damn fool now anyway. History, the evolution, the trajectory of this entire industry unfolded in front of your very eyes. On December 17, live in a great city called Chicago, I acknowledge that I made the biggest mistake of my entire career. And it wasn't the fact that I told Roman Reigns what I actually felt in my heart, it was what was in my heart that I must acknowledge made me look really foolish. I told the Head of the Table, I told the greatest champion in the history of WWE that he needed to be protected from Brock Lesnar because that's what I honestly thought after spending 20 years of my life with Brock Lesnar. And I got fired, and I got Superman Punched right in the face because of it. And ladies and gentlemen, I acknowledge I deserved every bit of it.

So there I was, like an unemployed Oklahoman, just out in the ocean of obscurity, languishing, just miserable because I knew my entire career was over. But then, then I saw the moment, and I seized the opportunity when COVID picked the wrong human being to infect, and Roman Reigns couldn't make Day 1. I got Brock Lesnar into an unscheduled fatal 5-way, and Brock Lesnar pulled off what only he or Roman Reigns could've pulled off. Brock Lesnar became the WWE Champion of the world, and everything was gonna be fine. Brock Lesnar on Raw, Roman Reigns on SmackDown!, both ruling the roost, and everybody was in their place, except...[motioning between himself and Roman] this.

So what did Brock Lesnar do his first night as champion? He makes the conscious decision, "we're gonna go to SmackDown!, I'm gonna get up in Roman Reigns's face, and I'm gonna challenge Roman Reigns to title vs. title, champion vs. champion, winner-take-all at WrestleMania." How freakin' stupid is that?! It's as stupid as that damn smile on his face and the beard and this freakin' ponytail! Brock Lesnar looks like a schmuck, and now he acts like a schmuck! He wants to challenge Roman Reigns instead of just accepting his place in history over on Raw.

And I knew right there, I was stuck. I knew I had no way out. I screwed up with the Tribal Chief, I'm stuck with a happy Saskatchewan farmer who just wants to come in here and take everybody to Suplex City. And we get to Royal Rumble, and Brock Lesnar does just that. Brock Lesnar took Bobby Lashley to Suplex City. And then, Roman Reigns showed this conqueror that a GOAT can always slay a Beast, because I thought I was gonna spend my life saying, "ladies and gentlemen, the reigning, defending, undisputed..." You will never hear that again.

Because Roman Reigns came into the ring at the Royal Rumble, and he smashed Brock Lesnar. [Drops to his knees] And at that moment in my life, I understood I don't need to protect Roman Reigns from Brock Lesnar; I needed to protect Brock Lesnar from Roman Reigns! Roman Reigns came to me, and he offered me the hand of forgiveness, he... he offered me the hand of love, he offered me the hand of family, he offered me the hand of the Bloodline. Roman Reigns offered me the hand of acknowledgement, and I handed Roman Reigns that WWE Championship, and he smashed Brock Lesnar in the face with it. And because of Roman Reigns, Bobby Lashley pinned Brock Lesnar, and Bobby Lashley is your new WWE Heavyweight Champion.

Which means you now all have to acknowledge that there will be no title vs. title, champion vs. champion, winner-take-all at WrestleMania because Brock Lesnar does not get what Brock Lesnar wants. Brock Lesnar will do what Roman Reigns wants Brock Lesnar to do. And at WrestleMania, Brock Lesnar will acknowledge the champion, Roman Reigns.

Hey, Brock, this is how it's done. [Turns to Roman] I, Paul Heyman, acknowledge you, Roman Reigns, as my Tribal Chief. And now, Oklahoma City, this is your chance to show a worldwide audience your moment in history! OKC, acknowledge your Tribal Chief!

Roman:
Grand Rapids...acknowledge me! You see, tonight's special. Tonight is a special night because you're not only acknowledging your Tribal Chief. No, no, no, tonight, you acknowledge my cousins, the Usos. Which means tonight, you acknowledge the Bloodline! Wise man.

Paul:
Yes, my Tribal Chief.

Roman:
Tell them why.

Paul:
[taking the mic] Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the single biggest night in the history of tag team wrestling. You see, what we have on the Island of Relevancy is the moment of truth tonight. Roman Reigns is the GOAT, undisputed, the Greatest of All Time. You can take your Bruno Sammartinos, you can take your Hulk Hogans, you can take your Stone Cold Steve Austins, you can take your Dwayne "The Rock" Johnsons, you can take your Brock Lesnars, you can take your John Cenas. You can stack them all up, and that's what would happen if they stepped into the ring at the same time with the Tribal Chief Roman Reigns. They would be stacked up and smashed and pinned by the undisputed GOAT, the Greatest of All Time, Roman Reigns.

And while you sit there with your insecure cheers, here's something you have to acknowledge. Each and every single night of his life, Roman Reigns defends the position of being the greatest of all time. Because that's what it takes to be the Tribal Chief on the Island of Relevancy. So what, what does it take for the Usos to be the greatest tag team of all time? And I say that with a lot of nervousness in my voice because I stand in the ring with the descendants, the direct descendants of Afa and Sika. So to claim "greatest tag team of all time" would be pretty disrespectful if you don't do something that not even Afa and Sika, the Wild Samoans, ever accomplished. What is that accomplishment? Unifying the tag team titles! Don't just be the longest-reigning SmackDown Tag Team Champions of all time, be the only tag team ever, ever to be SmackDown Tag Team Champions and Raw Tag Team Champions at the very same time. And to do so, the Usos have to defeat Randy Orton and Riddle, RK-Bro.

Let's give credit where credit's due. This is the best tag team in SmackDown against the best tag team on Raw, perhaps the best tag team in the history of Monday Night Raw. But the Usos have to earn their spot. They have to be relevant, they can't be yesterday's news, and it's not enough to just be the cousins of the Tribal Chief. So tonight, ladies and gentlemen, the Usos will come home the Undisputed Tag Team Champions, or they won't come home to the Island of Relevancy at all. Tonight, the Usos will beat RK-Bro! Tonight, the Usos will become the greatest tag team of all time! Tonight, the Usos will be the undisputed tag team champions of the world! And that's not just a prediction. That, ladies and gentlemen, is a spoiler.

Roman:
Usos! Twins, you know what I want, and I expect you to deliver. The only reason I have these expectations is because I love you.

Maxxine:
What is going on here?! I'm so over this! Max, what were you thinking?

LA Knight:
Do NOT call me that name again. I gave you and them gold and y'all turned into trash! You think I'm just gonna hang out here and be something I'm not? Nah, nah! What I'm not: Max. What I am, who I am: LA Knight, yeah.

Michael Cole:
Sami Zayn, who I say is doing his best Greg Hirsch impersonation, if you watch Succession.

Wade Barrett:
I do, indeed. I'd say he's more like Tom, if you ask me. Although, to be fair, I wouldn't trust either of them.