Xena: Warrior Princess, Season 5

Gabrielle:
Callisto... when Xena burned your family did you see them on fire? Did you... did you smell their flesh sizzling? Do you know what I think? You wanted them to die so you'd have a reason to be a bitch.

Callisto:
Love is the way.

Joxer:
I can't have you dying again and not have you know.

Gabrielle:
Know what?

Joxer:
Oh brother, I had this all worked out in my head and now...

Gabrielle:
Joxer, will you hurry? Please.

Joxer:
I love you. I'm in love with you.

Gabrielle:
Who are you?

Mavican:
The name is Mavican. I'm looking for Xena.

Gabrielle:
What do you want with her?

Mavican:
I want to kill her. And I understand that killing you is the best way to meet her.

Xena:
It's impossible; I cannot be pregnant. If you weren't such a quack, you'd know that getting pregnant requires certain physical requirements that I haven't had for a long time--I'm talking a very long time! No one, zilch, zippo, I'm a love-free zone, therefore it is utterly impossible that I be UP-THE-DUFF! So what's your diagnosis now?

Physician:
Mood swings! (Xena lets him go and he falls over)

Xena:
I thought so.

Gabrielle:
Women love flowers. Except Xena, yeah, she's the only woman I know who doesn't stop to smell them.

(Scene showing Xena at a flower shop smelling flowers)

Gabrielle:
You don't have the slighest idea?

Xena:
No. Look we've been through this a thousand times. I don't.

Gabrielle:
How could you not know? I just find that hard to believe, you know.

Xena:
Tell me.

Gabrielle:
Ares. Maybe he did...a god thing.

Xena:
No.

Gabrielle:
OK, fine. When was the last time you saw Hercules?

Alti:
Well, if it isn't Xena's little bitch. (brings Gabrielle over to her) Welcome to the doghouse!

Message from Lao Ma:
The hawk and the dove must be made one with the wisdom.

Xena:
Am I getting to old for this?

(Talking about fighting as four soldiers rush her)

Xena:
Nah. (Smiles)

Ares:
I never knew you were looking for a father.

Xena:
I'm not.

Ares:
Well then someone clearly has the job.

Xena:
Yeah, Gabrielle.

[Gabrielle smirks]

Ares:
I would have paid to see that.

Eli:
You don't need a sacred dagger or a sword. Love will be our shield and our weapon.

Eli:
Are you sure this is how it has to be? Isn't there some other way?

Callisto:
The new world can only be built on the foundation of the old one. The order of the gods must fall. And you, Eli, are the hammer.

Xena:
The only reason why people like Eli exist is because people like us defend them when they won't defend themselves.

Gabrielle:
(Angrily) So Ares is right? The whole future is shaped by warriors? (Walks away)

Xena:
It's easy to preach peace when you live in heaven. Where is come from you gotta fight for what you believe in. Why don't you come along. It's not everyday that you get to witness the twilight of the gods. It should be a good show.

Ares:
You'll always be a goody-two-shoes!

Gabrielle:
Yeah, but with a really big sword.

Xena:
Joxer, never pie a pregnant woman!

Ares:
You have no idea how glad I am to see you again.

Hercules:
You don't know how little I give a damn.

Ares:
Well, you've been lucky so far, little brother. I've always gone kind of easy on you.

Hercules:
Oh, so all those other times I knocked you flat on your ass you were just pretending?

Ares:
I was worried what Dad would do if I really hurt you. You've always been his favorite.

Hercules:
You see, that's the difference between you and me, I never really cared what 'Daddy' thought.

Solan:
Hades told me that in the Elysian Fields, you don't even know that you're dead. You just live the same day over and over, thinking your family's going to be home any minute, but they never come. The next morning, it just starts all over again.

Xena:
That's so you don't miss the people you left behind.

Solan:
If not missing you means not seeing you, I'd rather stay here. At least this way, I'd still get to be with you.

Hercules:
I never thought I'd say this ... I believe you. But, how can I be sure you aren't going to change your mind?

Hera:
Because of a lesson I regret teaching you a long time ago, Hercules. Parents should never outlive their children.

Xena:
I am pregnant, not brain damaged.

Xena:
We're going to be together now, Eve. You and me and your brother, forever and ever ... you hear that Solan? Forever.

Joxer:
Why is everybody telling me to think? I think, I just don't show it.

Ares:
Ow, Athena is beating you like a dog out there. Put a poultice on it, it's gotta sting.

Xena:
Thanks.

Ares:
Hey, don't feel bad. After all, you're fighting the god of wisdom and warfare.

Xena:
Don't forget weaving.

Xena:
You guys cut it pretty fine with that attack.

Gabrielle:
Huh.

Xena:
Nearly ran out of foreplay...just about had to go through with it.

Gabrielle:
Xena, when someone invents an accurate time-keeping device, then I can synchronize the plan better.

Joxer:
Here's the grub for the spud.

Xena:
What's this?

Joxer:
You asked for baby food.

Xena:
Babyback ribs are not baby food, Joxer.

Amazon #1:
Well, I'm a virgin and I'm gonna stay that way forever.

Xena:
Forever is a long time...

Amazon #2:
What's it like, being with a man?

Xena:
The good news is, it's different every time...bad news is - it's different every time. You're always hoping for a Greek fire, but sometimes you just get diddly.

Gabrielle:
Xena has studied the subject more than I have but I think she's trying to say that some people are better lovers than others.

Amazon #2:
What makes a man a good lover? Being gentle and kind?

Xena resolutely:
No.

Gabrielle dreamily:
Yes.

Gabrielle after a while:
It's a complicated subject.

Gabriele:
Xena, I´m losing the track of the plan. Are you going to flirt him to death?!

Xena:
I can’t help wondering if we’re doing the right thing. Restoring this darkness, my violence. Can that really be good?

Gabrielle:
I think it’s vital. I know that sounds strange coming from me. I think you have to know the darkest part of yourself to be whole.

Xena:
But this way I harm no one.

Gabrielle:
But Xena, what about the people who harm others? Xena, you have this balance of lightness and darkness. Without both of those, the very best in you is defenseless.

Xena:
You know I’m surprised that you didn’t consider it. What he said..

Gabrielle:
Xena, what he said doesn’t matter. I know you. Sometimes I wonder if you really know me but I know what’s in your heart.

Xena:
You know more than I do. Gabrielle, I do see you. Sometimes I have trouble facing it but I promise I will.

Gabrielle:
*sigh* You don’t know how much that means. Maybe Ares did some good after all, huh?

Xena:
I tell you what.

Gabrielle:
Au! God..

Xena:
The next bad guy we come across is all yours. The next seven little bad guys we’ll come across are all yours.

Gabrielle:
Little? Is that a crack about my height?

Xena:
No, they’re just harder for me to reach ghaha.

Gabrielle:
Yeah, well I guess that makes sense.

Xena:
Yeah, yeah.

Gabrielle:
Good strategy.

Xena:
Jup.

Xena:
I’ve been here before. This is where I first met Lao Ma. You’re very like her you know.

K'ao Hsin:
I’ve walked in her shadow all my life. Now, it seems, is no exception. But I wonder Xena, why do you look so troubled?

Xena:
There are people you meet who move in and out of your life like ghosts. And after they’re gone, you find that they’ve left a part of themselves with you. It's as if in some small way that their spirit helps define who you are or what you want to bring to the world.

K'ao Hsin:
Then it seems that my mother is still alive in us both.

Xena:
Your mother taught me compassion. It's a lesson that I want to pass on to this child. But you, how did you learn that without the benefit of her love?

K'ao Hsin:
Every day that passes in Chin without bloodshed passes because my mother played a part in the destiny of our homeland. Just look around Xena. Her lesson is her legacy. She speaks to me even now through the whispering wind. You wish to know where I learned compassion? All you have to do is listen.

Xena:
You are your mother's daughter.

K'ao Hsin:
It must have been beautiful.

Xena:
Yes. I was cornered here, and your mother hid me in her bath, underwater. She gave me her breath to keep me alive.

K'ao Hsin:
She died in this palace, didn't she?

Xena:
That’s right.

K'ao Hsin:
Then this is the perfect place to study. In the presence of her spirit.

K'ao Hsin:
"The entire world is driven by a will-- "blind and ruthless. "In order to transcend the limitations of the physical world, one must cease desiring,

K’ao Hsin/Xena:
-and become what we desire.

Xena:
"To conquer others is to wield power. But to conquer ourselves is to know the way." Lao Ma's power came from her purity of thought.

K’ao Hsin:
Then with purity on our side, Pao Ssu will be easily defeated.

Xena:
No. Pao Ssu has her own kind of purity. The purity of hatred.

Xena:
Hey, K'ao Hsin, what do you think? Huh? - What's wrong?

K'ao Hsin:
I'm plagued with doubt and fear. I can't still my mind.

Xena:
Fear of what?

K'ao Hsin:
My sister's hate. I hear her words echoing through my mind, telling me that I am weak. And she's right! I'll never have the strength to defeat her.

Xena:
Wrong. It takes great strength to show compassion. Lao Ma taught us both that. That's what we're going to need to beat Pao Ssu.

K'ao Hsin:
I don't understand.

Xena:
Yes, you do! [ Softly ] You do. You said yourself. Lao Ma lives on in her legacy. And each of us holds a part of that. Her blood is in your heart. Her lessons are in mine. If we focus together, we don't need the book.

K'ao Hsin:
"The hawk and the dove must be made one with the wisdom." All this time, I thought it was Pao Ssu. But it's you.

Xena:
"Knowing the way is like being a child."

K'ao Hsin:
"Laughing and crying all day without being hoarse."

Pao Ssu:
"Small people hate loneliness. But the master makes it her home." "Her source. Her mother. For she knows it allows her to be one with the universe."

K'ao Hsin:
"The master knows no expectation. Therefore, no disappointment."

Xena:
"And thus, she stays young forever."

Lao Ma:
"To conquer others is to have power. To conquer yourself is to know the way."

Cyane:
Queen Gabrielle.

Gabrielle:
wakes up startled Not tonight.

Xena:
reading one of Gabrielles scrolls to Eve "I sing of the wrath of Callisto, the pain of Gabrielle, and the courage of Xena and the inevitable mystery of a frienship as immortal as the gods."

Cyane:
You tricked us!

Xena:
You pronounced him dead yourself. Nothing says he has to stay dead.

Athena:
It's true you can kill Gods but at 4 to 1, it's not great odds.

Xena:
: Not for you.

Hope:
(to Gabrielle) Xena won't kill her own daughter. You know how hard that is.

Ares:
You shot me! I'm the God of War! Nobody shoots the God of War!

Aphrodite:
Can we leave the bard out of this?

Athena:
Do you have a soft spot for Gabrielle?

Aphrodite:
She's my friend.

Athena:
Oh, well, then don't watch.

Xena:
Neither of you is going to leave me. Gabrielle, you're the most pure thing in my life. And you're my great hope. So, I'm not gonna let either of you go!

Aphrodite:
So sad.

Xena:
Well, if you care so much, why don't you cure her?

Aphrodite:
Gods can only heal with Athena's blessing. That's not gonna happen.

Xena:
-Then take us to Olympus.

Aphrodite:
-Why?

Xena:
I want to offer them a deal.

Aphrodite:
And you'll kill them if they don't accept?

Xena:
Please! Gabrielle doesn't have much time.

Aphrodite:
All right! I'll take you to Olympus!

Gabrielle:
Looks like you got your daughter back.

Xena:
No, we got our daughter back.

Xena:
(to Gabrielle as she lay dying) Gabrielle, you're the most pure thing in my life... (to Eve) ...and you're my great hope.

Ares:
You're not going to kill me, are you.

Xena:
Why ever not?

Ares:
Because I love you. Yeah, I love you.