Zoey 101, Season 2

(About Logan's new sound system playing a loud video game)

Chase:
Can you at least turn the volume down!

Logan:
Why don't you turn your mouth down! Eh!

Chase:
Michael!

Logan:
What's up?

Michael:
My boys!

Logan:
So, how was your summer, man?

Chase:
Yeah, I've missed seeing your freakish face every day!

Michael:
Heh, yeah, and I've missed your big bushy hair. Hey, did it get bushier?

Chase:
It's possible.

Chase:
Hey, Zoey! You look great!

Zoey:
You too! (she stops for a bit and looks at him again) Did your hair get bushier?

Chase:
I've heard that.

[Michael is testing Chase on the capitals of US States while Logan's entertainment system booms very loudly around them]

Michael:
Alabama!

Chase:
Uh... Capital would be Montgomery!

Michael:
What?!

Chase:
MONTGOMERY!!!

Michael:
Right, OK... Tennessee!

Chase:
Uh... Memphis!

Michael:
No, Nashville!

Chase:
What?!

Michael:
NASHVILLE!!!

Chase:
Who's Phil?!

Michael:
Okay, I can't take this!

[Chase and Michael purposely blow the power in their room while Dustin is trying to win a video game]

Chase:
Good night, Michael.

Michael:
Sleep tight, Chase.

Logan:
You guys are the worst.

Dustin:
[crying] Soooooo close.

Michael:
That's you?! (pointing to Mr. Bender as a student in a PCA yearbook from the 80s. In the picture, Mr. Bender has an afro, a mustache, and big glasses) Ha ha ha ha ha! (Mr. Bender gives him a look) You were very handsome.

Lola:
I doubt it. This shirt will always be hot.

Logan:
Yeah, it will.

Lola:
Try not to drool.

Chase:
Whoa, Mr. Bender...you used to be a cheerleader?

Michael:
Whoa. (all the students look at the book)

Mr. Bender:
There were no girls here then. (they continue laughing)

Mr. Bender:
Lola, what'd you bring? [Lola acts like she is crying] Oh my gosh, what's...the matter? What's wrong?

Lola:
You're just gonna have to give me a zero for this project!

Mr. Bender:
Why? You didn't pick an item?

Lola:
No, I did. It was a locket that my grandmother gave me, before she...LEFT US! [she cries more]

Mr. Bender:
Oh my gosh; I'm so sorry!

Lola:
My dad tells me I'm just like her! So, I thought the locket would be a perfect thing to put in the time capsule! But...

Mr. Bender:
But what?

Lola:
I just can't! It's all I have left of her!

Mr. Bender:
It's okay, it's okay...

Lola:
I'm so sorry!

Mr. Bender:
Look...you obviously gave the assignment a lot of thought, and that's the important thing.

Lola:
Really?

Mr. Bender:
Of course, of course. Don't worry, I'm gonna give you full credit for the assignment.

Lola:
Thank you so much! [Zoey and Nicole look amazed as Lola walks up to them] Acting!

Nicole:
Can't we eat sushi together in a closet?

Chase:
Don't you know that girls don't mean half the things they say?!

Announcer:
Chase Matthews wants to be your class president. But how well do you really know Chase Matthews? For example, do you know he eats out of garbage cans? Or that he shaves his legs? Or that he picks on little girls? Is this the kind of guy you want for class president? No! On Tuesday, vote Zoey Brooks for class president. She's awesome!

Zoey:
(angrily) You're unbelievable!

Logan:
Thank you.

Chase:
Zoey?

Zoey:
Don't "Zoey" me.

Lola:
Give us back our foosball ball!

Zoey:
Wouldn't you just call it a foosball?

Lola:
No, foosball's the name of the game, so you call the ball a foosball ball.

Zoey:
Mm, maybe, but I still think you would...

Chase:
I'll tell you what, why don't we just call it a foosball ball ball ball ball ball? I've gotta speak with Zoey.

Lola:
Well.

Zoey:
Are you trying to scare them to death?

Logan:
Yeah, pretty much.

Chase:
(trying to scare Zoey and Nicole) Blah!

Zoey:
Oh, hi, Chase!

Nicole:
Hi, Chase!

Chase:
What, you weren't scared?

Zoey:
Why would we be scared of a magician?

Chase:
A magician? No, no. I'm a vampire!

(Logan comes)

Logan:
Hey, Mr. Magic!

Chase:
I am a vampire! You guys wanna see my receipt for the costume?

Zoey:
(pulling the door) It's locked!

Chase:
What d'ya mean it's locked?

Zoey:
What d'ya mean what do I mean? When I say it's locked, it's locked. How many definitions of locked are there?

Logan:
(on television) Hello, my name is Logan Reese.

Zoey:
I'm Zoey Brooks.

Logan:
Today we're gonna talk about some interesting topics. First: Girls in sports. Now, I think it's fine if girls wanna have their own little sports teams, but they should not be allowed to play in the guys teams! Zoey?

Zoey:
Yeah, you're right...

Logan:
Huh?

Zoey:
I said, "You're right"!

Logan:
Okay... Let's move on to our next topic then... Oh, yeah. Ordering at restaurants. I say girls take way too much time to order food. (with a girly voice) "Uh, I'm a girl. I'll have a chopped salad, but I want the lettuce on the side!" Guys are just like "Give me a cheeseburger!" End of story! Zoey?

Zoey:
I agree...

Logan:
Okay... For our next topic, let's talk about... Eating kittens! I feel people should eat more kittens! Eating little kitty cats for breakfast! Do you agree with that Zoey, hmm?

Chase:
(in the Chase and Michael show) Would a woman make a better President of the United States than a man?

Logan:
Absolutely not!

Zoey:
You're an idiot!

Logan:
A woman can not be President of the United States!

Zoey:
Name one reason!

Logan:
Because girls are too emotional! Everytime she gets a pimple, she'll cry and start a war with Switzerland!

Zoey:
Maybe we should to prove to Chase and Logan that guys can be just guys even when girls are around.

Lola:
How are we gonna do that?

Zoey:
By being around them when they don't know we're around them?

Nicole:
But if we are around them trying to prove it, we'll be around them, and we're girls, so they'll be around girls when we're trying to-

Lola:
Maybe you should let Zoey talk.

Zoey:
I'm saying what if one of us pretends to be a guy?

Nicole:
Ok, 4 problems with that: hair, face, boobs.

Lola:
That's 3 problems.

Nicole:
2 boobs.

Zoey:
We can get around those problems.

Lola:
It would be the ultimate acting role.

Lola:
Hey, can you turn up the music?

Chase:
Yeah, sure... Hey, cool boombox!

Lola:
Thanks, I just got it.

Chase:
(after that, he accidentally pushed down the boombox from the roof into the ground) Was it expensive?

Lola:
OK. Make me a dude.

Nicole:
You really think you can convince Chase and Logan that you’re a guy?

Lola:
Easy. Chase is gullible, and Logan’s a moron.

Chase:
All right! Let's go kick some bot!

Logan:
(in a computerized voice) I am Quinn from Dorkon. I must go get a sprocket from my home planet, Dorkon! I am Quinn from Dorkon!

Quinn:
I really would like to help, but I just don't believe in using my gift of science for violence.

Lola:
When I'm acting, I'm playing a role.

Chase:
So, just treat biology like an acting role! You know, play the part of a girl who's really good at biology!

Lola:
That's pretty smart.

Chase:
Well, I'm your tutor. I'm not supposed to say stupid stuff! [Lola laughs]

Chase:
See, I told you you could do it. [Lola smiles, and laughs. He picks up a flower and gives it to her] For you.

Lola:
Why are you giving me a flower?

Chase:
So you can take it back to your dorm and study it.

Lola:
[gives it back to him] Yeah, I don't think I want to.

Chase:
Why not?

Lola:
There's a spider on it.

Chase:
Eah! [he drops it, and starts beating it with his tennis racket. Lola laughs, then he kicks it and she laughs some more]

Chase:
Okay. Photosynthesis is the process by which plants use energy from sunlight to produce sugar. Which converts into-

Lola:
You wanna go out with me?

Chase:
Huh. Wow, that question had almost nothing to do with photosynthesis.

(Chase walks into the room, where Michael is listening to music on his Gio)

Chase:
Michael. Michael! MICHAEL! (he takes the earbuds out of the Gio)

Michael:
You interrupted tune time!

Chase:
Lola asked me out!

Michael:
Well, my goodness.

Chase:
Yeah.

Michael:
You were RIGHT to interrupt tune time.

Chase:
Dude, this is serious!

Michael:
I'm being serious! Lola's hot!

Chase:
So, you think I should go out with her.

Michael:
Sounds like a good idea to me.

Lola:
Ok, who is she?

Chase:
Who is who?

Lola:
The girl you like.

Chase:
What makes you think I like someone?

Lola:
'Cause I'm smart. So, who is she? Does she go to PCA?

Chase:
Uh... no. She's... from my hometown. Back home... in my town.

Logan:
Okay, tell you what. We'll take you to see Restless in Love, but you girls are paying.

Tracy:
Actually, you know what I'd rather see?

Logan:
What?

Tracy:
The jerk in the fountain.

Logan:
Jerk in the fountain? What are you- [she pushes him into the fountain] OK, that was ridiculous!

Chase:
Zoey! Would you rather...be stuck in an elevator for three days, or...make out with a monkey?

Zoey:
Stuck in an elevator. I ain't kissing a monkey!

Chase:
Baby.

Zoey:
Let's see you kiss a monkey!

Chase:
Bring me a monkey.

Zoey:
Maybe I will!

Michael:
Dude, everyone on planet Earth knows you love Zoey. The people on Neptune know it. Yeah, they're up there right now on Neptune saying: [in alien voice] Hey, did you know Chase loves Zoey? Why, yes I do, the whole galaxy knows; Nahahahaha.

Chase:
You talk SO much.

Michael:
The only person who doesn't know you love Zoey is Zoey. Why don't you just tell her already?

Chase:
Because I don't want Zoey to know I love... [Logan walks in] brusselsprouts!

Chase:
I told you, I'm not going to tell zoey I love her. I sent you a text.

Michael:
No, you didn't.

Chase:
Yeah, I did. See? [hands Michael his TechMate]

Michael:
(nervously) Uh, you didn't send it to me.

Chase:
I didn't?

Michael:
No.

Chase:
Then, I'd send it to?

Michael:
Z-Zoey.

Chase:
(nervously) Z-Zoey?

Michael:
[nods slowly]

Chase:
[grabs TechMate] Zoey?! Oh my God! OH MY GOD! Oh my God, oh my God, oh my God, Michael. Oh my God!

Coach Keller:
(running out of the sushi bar with a fire extinguisher in one hand and a clipboard in the other) Fire! Fire! Fire! Fire! Kazu, your grill's on fire!

Kazu:
Fire?! (He runs up the stairs. The others try to follow him until he stops them) No, stay back! Pull the fire alarm!

Michael:
Where's the fire alarm?

All (except Kazu and Coach Keller):
Over there! (Zoey, Nicole, Lola, Chase, Logan, and Michael run to the fire alarm. Kazu runs up the stairs to Coach Keller)

Lola:
Fire!

Logan:
Oh, my goodness! (Zoey pulls a fire alarm. In the sushi bar, the fire is spreading. Morning comes, and the firefighters have put out the fire and are carrying everything out. Chase and Nicole come up to Dean Rivers and a depressed Kazu)

Chase:
Morning, Kazu.

Nicole:
How bad was the fire?

Zoey:
Look, we all feel bad enough about the fire!

Coach Keller:
Feeling bad doesn't fill my gut with raw fish, now does it, cupcake?! I am TICKED OFF!

Chase:
Have you ever thought about an anger management class?

Coach Keller:
That's it, Matthews. You just got yourself a slice of revenge pie!

Michael:
Don't you think you're being a little hard on the boy?

Coach Keller:
You too, Starky! Revenge pie!

Lola:
You're going back to Japan?

Kazu:
No, I'm from Birmingham.

Lola:
Oh.

Secretary:
Dean Rivers, your wife is here to see you.

Dean Rivers:
My wife? Uh, tell her I'm not here!

Secretary:
Mrs. Rivers, he's not in there.

Mrs. Rivers:
Don't give me that! Carl! [she enters Dean's room with a bill] Carl, what kind of grown man spends $2000 on video games?! Carl?!? CARL!?!

Dean Rivers:
[takes the voice command machine from under his desk] Dogs!

[a siren goes off, and dog barking noises are made. Mrs. Rivers panics, and runs out screaming]

Dean Rivers:
Thank you, Quinn.

Michael:
You two people are gonna lo... not win the bet.

Logan:
No. You will... not win. For I... can go longer... without... invoking... the letter... after R.

Chase:
Wrong. I... will win the bet... for one of you... will... talk... the bad letter... before me do. Be-before me. No need for the do.

Teacher:
Hey! Chase! Michael, Logan. You guys have been whispering this whole class.

Chase:
I-I-I apologize.

Logan:
Ha!

Chase:
"Z".

Logan:
Oh.

[Chase and Michael are eating with Nicole and Lola]

Chase:
Quinn actually...tried to leave PCA?

Michael:
To go...be with her....alpaca.

Lola:
Okay, how long is this gonna go on?

Nicole:
Yeah, will one of you use a word with "s" in it already so we can have a normal conversation?

Chase:
No. I am determined to go longer than Michael and Logan without uttering that letter.

Lola:
Could this be more annoying?

Nicole:
No.

Lola:
I'm gonna trick Logan into losing so we don't have to listen to these guys talk like idiots anymore.

Michael:
Hey! Lola called we the plural of idiot.

Chase:
I...am offended.

Logan:
Did Quinn just walk past here with an alpaca?

Zoey:
Yeah, she sure did.

Logan:
Weird.

Nicole:
Okay, did Michael just run by here wearing a bikini top?

Lola:
And a hula skirt?

Chase:
Uh-huh.

Logan:
He did.

Zoey:
Weirder.