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Satan: I'm just looking over your new contract proposal, here, guys. Umm, it says here that you want to add more horsemen. Uhh, fellas, the Bible specifically states that there are four horsemen of the Apocalypse. Um -- I...I can't change the Bible. Death: More horsemen would certainly help the workload. Satan: Yeah, see, I'm thinking, what workload, because there hasn't been an apocalypse. Famine: Yeah, but we're always on call. Satan: Yeah, listen, Famine, are you the reason for the mac and cheese and frozen "lustard"? Famine: It's frozen custard for the lactose-intolerance. Satan: Yeah, but it's listed under "horse food." Famine: Our animals crave a diverse diet. Satan: Yeah, they seem to crave crabs and frozen desserts. Listen, "so hungry I can eat a horse" is just an expression. You don't have to literally do it. War: We love those horses! We'd never eat those horses! You son a bitch! [pulls up his firesword] Satan: Hey, hey, hey, hey, just settle down. You know what's good for stress, War? Exercise. Pestilence: That's why we put in for a horseman gym, and modest spa -- Satan: Who the hell would get in a hot tub with you? You're going to turn it into a boiling pot of gumbo. Pestilence: Dude, I'm Pestilence. That's what I do. Satan: And FYI, leprosy is a pre-existing, and you're in a high-risk pool, so upgrading your health insurance policy is not gonna happen. Satan: Listen, I know there's more to your proposal. I just don't have those pages in front of me...because I wiped my ass with them. War: That's it! We're out of here. You've got 48 hours to meet our demands, or we walk. [the Four Horsemen Of the Apocalypse leaves] Satan: Well, this one's not walking. He's riding a f*ing scooter. [referring to Pestilence] – Your Pretty Face Is Going to Hell** (2013)	added by timothyj.29104 2 days ago
STRATA Operator #2: Number-12 corked-head screwdriver. STRATA Operator #1: I gave you that one already. STRATA Operator #2: I don't think so. STRATA Operator #1: Well, I did! Check around under there somewhere. STRATA Operator #2: It's not here. STRATA Operator #1: Did you check your ass? STRATA Operator #2: That is not helping! STRATA Operator #1: Sorry. – Saul of the Mole Men (2007)	added by timothyj.29104 2 days ago
Clancy: [to Saul] You got lucky for now. But I'll be back for those stones, so help me, Beet God! Beet God: Huh? Clancy: Nothing! – Saul of the Mole Men (2007)	added by timothyj.29104 2 days ago
[in the previous clips of episode 14 for episode 15, Stromulous tries to do a spell on Johnny Tambourine but didn't work this time] Stromulous: Flaxen hair and pageboy cut, bell-leg panted and grooving butt. If you meet the preceding physical description, then take a stand. Rise and sow evil in the land! [Johnny had no effect on his spell but still smiling] Stromulous: It didn't work! – Saul of the Mole Men (2007)	added by timothyj.29104 2 days ago
Stromulous Guandor: Johnny, pay attention. Saul Malone has the stones. Johnny Tambourine: [nods "yes"] Stromulous Guandor: You are his friend. Johnny Tambourine: [nods "yes"] Stromulous Guandor: Get the stones and bring them back here. Johnny Tambourine: [no response] Stromulous Guandor: [stressed] YEEE! – Saul of the Mole Men (2007)	added by timothyj.29104 2 days ago
[Clancy stars to choke Saul] Clancy: I can't let you take the stones, Saul! Saul: Clancy, I have one question for you. [Clancy lets go of Saul] Saul: ARE YOU NUTS?! [Clancy gets back to choking Saul again] – Saul of the Mole Men (2007)	added by timothyj.29104 2 days ago
Gary Bunda: Buck up, Jon. Is that a flip? Satan: No. Gary Bunda: Talk about bucking the system, Jon. Is that a flip? Satan: No. Gary Bunda: Talk about, guhhh...passing the buck, Jon. Is that a flip? Satan: No. Gary Bunda: Buck wild. Satan: No. Gary Bunda: Is that a flip? Satan: No. Gary Bunda: Buck naked. Satan: No. Gary Bunda: Is that a flip? Satan: No. Gary Bunda: What about the buck stops here? [Satan grabs him out of the way to the angry bucks] Satan: Actually, that last one was ironic. – Your Pretty Face Is Going to Hell (2013)	added by timothyj.29104 3 days ago
Satan: So, uh, let me get this straight. You wanted to reconnect with your daughter's roommate? And walk a mile in someone's else's shoes...uh, on your stomach? Jon the Torture Consultant: Yes, I mean, Gary got it. He totally gets the concept now of the flip. Uh, what can I say? He nailed me to a "T." Satan: Yeah, doesn't seem legit, but I do happen to know that "Centipede" is your favorite movie. So, well done, Gary. Jon the Torture Consultant: Oh! Alright! Great, so, uh, cut her off of me and I can get my money? Satan: Uh, what did we say? 30 thousand bucks? Jon the Torture Consultant: Yeah. Satan: [whistles] [Satan gives Jon, 30 thousand bucks but instead gives him bucks that look like deers] Satan: Try not to spend it all in one place, Jon. Jon the Torture Consultant: We had a contract for 30 thousand US dollars! Satan: It's gotta be tough to run with somebody sewed to your asshole. Use your other foot, the -- The -- The stomach foot. – Your Pretty Face Is Going to Hell (2013)	added by timothyj.29104 3 days ago
[Gary tries to fix one last flip to save Jon's relationship] Gary Bunda: Wakey, wakey -- Eggs and pancakey! Jon the Torture Consultant: Aw, Gary, that's -- That's too many hotcakes, man. I'll never finish all those. Gary Bunda: Aw, you're going to need plenty of nourishment in order to feed your daughter. Jon the Torture Consultant: Wait, what? [Gary pull his sheets to see that he actually reconnects with Jon's daughter to the back of the consultant's butt] Jon the Torture Consultant: Oh my god. [surprised] Oh my god! Gary, you did it, man! You heard me say I wanted to reconnect with my daughter, and you sewed her to my backside, my ass to her m-- [looks at his daughter again to be sure] This is not my daughter. Gary Bunda: In my defense, I did not know what she looked like. Jon the Torture Consultant: Dude, what is this foot? You sewed a foot to my stomach? Is that part of your flip? Gary Bunda: Yeah. But now you have to wait for the other shoe to drop. Don't you? Jon the Torture Consultant: What d-- What does that even mean? I never said anything like that. And also, there's no shoe on the foot. Just get the contract, we're done. Gary Bunda: Am I done? Jon the Torture Consultant: You're done. Just get the contract. Gary Bunda: F*. Jon the Torture Consultant: Good flip, Gary. Gary Bunda: Woo. Thank you. Jon the Torture Consultant: [sarcastically] Wow. What a great flip you did. Wow. Gary Bunda:** Thank you. Honestly, I'm relieved. I did not like doing any of this sht. – Your Pretty Face Is Going to Hell* (2013)	added by timothyj.29104 3 days ago
[Gary and Jon (Torture Consultant) stayed in a hotel figuring out to reconnect with Jon's daughter] Torture Consultant: Man, I'd do anything to reconnect with my daughter, but it's not gonna happen. Man, I ran around on her Mom so much man, but I couldn't help it. There's nothing sexier than a consultant that knows his sht and that was me. I was banging administrative assistants left and right. I wet more panties than Lenny Kravitz. Gary Bunda:* But the irony is that you left your daughter's panties bone dry. Torture Consultant: [concerned] What'd you say? Gary Bunda: It's a figure of speech. Torture Consultant: You sa- You don't talk about my daughter's panties, man. Gary Bunda: It's turn of phrase! Torture Consultant: [throws cans] I'll f*ing kill you, dick. Gary Bunda: No, bro! Bro! Torture Consultant: Because of you, I cannot pay for her college. You understand that? 'Cause of you. Gary Bunda: I can fix this. I can pull a flip tonight. Torture Consultant: Yeah, well I'm not waiting up for that. Gary Bunda: Can I have those almonds? I know that they're 17 dollars, but -- Torture Consultant: Stay out of the mini-fridge. – Your Pretty Face Is Going to Hell** (2013)	added by timothyj.29104 3 days ago
[Jon the Torture Consultant tries to get an relationship with his daughter] Jon the Torture Consultant: Deirdre, Open the goddamn door. Come on. Please. Deirdre: Why, so you can leer at my roommate? She's has a boyfriend Dad, okay? She's not into old men like you. Jon the Torture Consultant: Come on honey, please don't sound like your Mom. I -- I just need literally just one day and then I'll have the money. Deirdre: My therapist told me to stop seeing you and I'm cutting it off. Goodbye, Dad! Jon the Torture Consultant: Deirdre! Open the goddamn door! Deirdre: Goodbye! Jon the Torture Consultant: Ah, f*. [sees Gary in the hallway] Damn it, Gary. Gary Bunda: I know how that is. Jon the Torture Consultant: What? Gary Bunda: I -- Jon the Torture Consultant: You what? You know how that is? Gary Bunda: I just... Jon the Torture Consultant: How? [Gary lost track of what he was relating to] Jon the Torture Consultant: You fing idiot. – Your Pretty Face Is Going to Hell* (2013)	added by timothyj.29104 3 days ago
Jon the Torture Consultant: [on phone with his daughter]Hey honey, uh, it's Dad, I'm in town for business, and I thought it would be great if we get some dinner! Uh, I know Mom enjoys poisoning you against me, but, uh, surely you're not sending all my calls to voicemail until I stop calling, right? Gary Bunda: What's the patriarchy? Jon the Torture Consultant: GET OFF ME! Gary Bunda: I'm sorry. Jon the Torture Consultant: [on phone] Not you, honey. Um, please pick up the goddamn phone and call me back ,okay? Please, I know you see the calls. Please, I love you. Okay, bye. Gary Bunda: She wanted me to end all microaggressions. And that threw me because in Hell, we only have macro-aggressions. You know, like that giant snake that screams inside your own mind. Just going like "Aaahhhh! You are nothing, Gary! You are nothing!" Jon the Torture Consultant: That's not a flip. And also, she left. Gary Bunda: Sht. – Your Pretty Face Is Going to Hell* (2013)	added by timothyj.29104 4 days ago
Gary Bunda: What's something you want more than anything else in the world? Young Adult Girl: Can you topple the patriarchy? Gary Bunda: [thinks for a second] How would you like to beat somebody at golf? – Your Pretty Face Is Going to Hell (2013)	added by timothyj.29104 4 days ago
Torture Consultant: Gary's not really much of a book-learning guy, he -- Gary Bunda: [whispers "No" happliy] Torture Consultant: He needs to pick this up in the outside world. Satan: And he will 'cause you're gonna teach in the real world. You've got 24 hours. Or no money. Torture Consultant: P -- Please I -- I need that money. I'm already out 500 bucks on this Beefy Backgammon guy. Beefy Backgammon: And I'm gonna need that money today. I got a car payment due. Satan: Fellas, this is what I call a twist. [Satan brutally snaps Beefy's head off] Torture Consultant: : Technically, we -- We -- We called it a flip. Satan: [pulls up middle finger] Yeah, well this is a flip too. – Your Pretty Face Is Going to Hell (2013)	added by timothyj.29104 4 days ago
Beefy Backgammon: [singing] Come on baby, you passed The Flip! Backup Singers: [singings] You passed! You passed! You passed! Beefy Backgammon: [singing] So here's your diploma, ain't that the pip? Troy: Gary didn't pass. She hit the Louvre. Torture Consultant: I'm the teacher here and I say it's close enough for government work. [William reveals to be Satan watching The Flip experience this whole time] Satan: Close enough for what? We're in the government now? [to Gary] Let's say I was a 16 year old boy and I said I would do anything to lose my virginity. How would you -- How would you flip that? Gary Bunda: Beat him to death with a...golf club. In the dick! – Your Pretty Face Is Going to Hell (2013)	added by timothyj.29104 4 days ago
[Gary tries to do the the flip again by doing plane simulator to do what Dizzay did] Jon the Torture Consultant: DON'T TOUCH HER BREASTS! Gary Bunda: I'm s-- I'm very sorry. Hologram Elderly Woman: I just always wanted to see the Eiffel Tower -- [Gary uses a lighter to light the hologram on fire instead of pushing her off the plane] Jon the Torture Consultant: Hold up. [pauses the simulation] Gary Bunda: You said for me to set her on fire -- Jon the Torture Consultant: I said no such thing. We just went over this. I said she wants to "see the Eiffel Tower before she died." Gary Bunda: I pushed the other one on the Eiffel Tower and you said that that was bad! Jon the Torture Consultant: You know what? Alri -- For -- Just push her on the tower. Gary Bunda: Is this a trick? Jon the Torture Consultant: Push her on the tower and you get an "A." Gary Bunda: Close your eyes! Jon the Torture Consultant: No! Don't tell her to close her eyes, she needs to see the t-- [Gary already pushes the hologram elderly woman to the Louvre Pyramid] Jon the Torture Consultant: Forget it, Gary, come on down, you passed. – Your Pretty Face Is Going to Hell (2013)	added by timothyj.29104 4 days ago
Jon the Torture Consultant: Gary, I want you to look around your environment, okay? See if there's any clues for how you can flip this... [Gary sees every environment in this room that gives him hints to light the hologram woman on fire but too dumb to notice] Jon the Torture Consultant: She wants to be "hot" right? What else is hot, Gary? Gary Bunda: I could give her bigger breasts. Jon the Torture Consultant: Okay, maybe -- But how do you flip that? Gary Bunda: You flip the boobs with the butt. And she's gotta sit on her boob all the time. Troy: Light her on fire! Jon the Torture Consultant: Troy, I got it. Hot, Gary! Hot! Gary Bunda: Hot...I think I got it! [Gary pushes the hologram woman out of the house to the same Eiffel Tower that Dizzay already completed] Jon the Torture Consultant: But she doesn't wanna see the Eiffel Tower. She wants to be hot, okay? The answer we're looking for is light her on fire. Gary Bunda: Okay, so, if Dizzay does it, it's genius, but if I do it, it's a problem. That's called reverse racism, and I am a victim of it! WITNESS THIS! WITNESS THIS! – Your Pretty Face Is Going to Hell (2013)	added by timothyj.29104 4 days ago
[Gary does The Flip simulator] Hologram Woman: I want to be the hottest actress in Hollywood. I want to be so hot. [Gary touches the holograms woman's boobs] Jon the Torture Consultant: Let's keep it in your pants, Gary. Gary Bunda: They're so heavy! – Your Pretty Face Is Going to Hell (2013)	added by timothyj.29104 4 days ago
[Dizzay does The Flip simulator] Hologram Elderly Woman: I just always wanted to see the Eiffel Tower before I die. Dizzay: Aww, that's sweet. [Dizzay pushes her off the plane on the top of the Eiffel Tower] Dizzay: SEE THAT?! RIGHT BELOW YOU! THE EIFFEL TOWER, BITCH! [laughs] Jon the Torture Consultant: Dynamite, Dizzay! Yeah, she saw the tower, alright -- Right before she died! – Your Pretty Face Is Going to Hell (2013)	added by timothyj.29104 4 days ago
[after the demons got done watching does the orientation video about The Flip] Jon the Torture Consultant: Okay, any questions? Troy: That Chubby Checker? Jon the Torture Consultant: No, that is Beefy Backgammon, our own IWT Communications rock-and-roll legend. Troy: And -- And how are the flip and a twist different again? Jon the Torture Consultant: Let's not get hung up on the terminology. It's clearly and ironic flip what we're doing, okay? Any more questions? [Gary raised his hand up] Jon the Torture Consultant: Yes? Gary Bunda: You know, people sell us their souls, we got their souls, like, why do we have to pull, like, clever mean sht? Jon the Torture Consultant:* We're not "pulling mean sht." It's an ironic twist, sorry, flip. It's not my job to change corporate policy on flips. It is my charge to make sure that your flips are TWIST. "Twist Wish Ironically, Screwing Turkeys." Troy:* So you're calling it a flip, but the acronym is TWIST, and the word "twist" is inside the acronym. Jon the Torture Consultant: Yeah, we were sued, okay. You happy? You figured it out, congrats. CLEARLY we couldn't do the real thing cause Chubby Checker likes to sue the f* out of people and yet you gotta say [mocking] "Oh wait a minute, wha-- A duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh twist? A buh buh buh flip?" What a fing asshole you are. Look at you. – Your Pretty Face Is Going to Hell* (2013)	added by timothyj.29104 4 days ago
[Benji does another orientation video about The Flip] Dried Up Desert Man: I'd give anything for a glass of water... [Benji shows up] Benji: Here's some water... [Benji gives him the water] Benji: [to the viewers] Sea water! Dried Up Desert Man: [spits] [Beefy pops up singing The Flip song] Beefy Backgammon: [singing] Let's go baby! Imma teach you how to do The Flip! Fat Guy: I wish I could lose 100 pounds. Benji: Oh I think I can make that happen! [Benji revving up his chainsaw] Beefy Backgammon: [singing] Come on baby, Imma teach you how to do The Flip! Fat Guy: [to Benji] You cut off my arms and legs! I should have been more specific! Golf Man: My partner Kip is so good. I sure wish I could beat him. [transitions to the next scene where golf man gets forced by literally beating up his partner Kip with a putter] Golf Man: I meant at golf! Beefy Backgammon: [singing] He didn't specify golfing, so he killed his friend Kip! Ooh! Beefy Backgammon: [singing] In the name of my sweet Satan, let's do The Flip! – Your Pretty Face Is Going to Hell (2013)	added by timothyj.29104 4 days ago
Gary Bunda: [weak british accent] 'Ello there governor! It's lovely to see you at the top of me patrol! One lump or two there? [laughs] [Gary puts a testicle into Satan's cup] Gary Bunda: You touched it! Satan: What is this? Gary Bunda: Okay, so this guy comes up to me and he said, I would give my left nut" to be famous. So guess what I did? Gary Bunda: [said in unison] I took his left nut. Satan: [said in unison] You took his left nut. Yeah. Gary Bunda: The Devil's bargain! It's irony. Satan: No, Gary, that -- That's just a straight up trade. Gary Bunda: No. Satan: Yeah. An ironic twist would be if you made him famous but only as a guy who got his left nut stuck in a blender or something. Gary Bunda: That's not a skill to just put your nut in a blender. I made him a famous singer. Satan: Uh -- A castrati? Okay, good. See, that's -- That's ironic. Gary Bunda: No. I made him a bass. He's an Oak Ridge Boy now. Satan: Did -- Did you at least get his soul? Gary Bunda: No. Satan: No. Okay. Gary Bunda: I took his left nut! But technically, I -- I took his -- My left -- His right -- Took his right nut. So that's double ironic. [a severed arm falls off from Gary's pants] Satan: What -- What is that? Behind you. Gary Bunda: Nothing. Satan: Someone said they'd give their right arm for something, didn't they? Gary Bunda: To pass geometry. Satan: That's it! We're having a class. – Your Pretty Face Is Going to Hell (2013)	added by timothyj.29104 4 days ago
Roostre: It was just a car, man. I mean, I left the stereo, and this guy shows up and some guy -- I can't even make out his features and everything -- And he growls and growls. The next thing I know, I wake up in some room -- Some room painted white where there's a giant fan all spinning, and here he comes -- This shapeless thing -- And he comes out for me and I can't move. I got something sticking out of neck and it paralyzes me, and he grabs me and starts pushing me toward the fan. – 12 oz. Mouse (2005)	added by timothyj.29104 5 days ago
Fitz's Wife: What are you doing here? Shadowy Figure: [warbling voice] Fitz's Wife: That's my -- That was for Fitz. Why did you take it? Leave us alone, you bastard. [Fitz's Wife gets shot by one of Shadowy's tranquilizer darts] – 12 oz. Mouse (2005)	added by timothyj.29104 5 days ago

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