3-South

Sanford:
[with Ed, Del and chicken] Genetics is fascinating. For example, if I mated with this chicken, I wonder if any of you would tell.

Del Swanson:
[hugs chicken protectively] You can't kill it. I love it. It's like a chicken to me.

Sanford:
That's just the way of the world, Del. If something doesn't contribute, it has to be eliminated. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm gonna go take a nap.

Chuck the Janitor:
Flunking out? I wouldn't worry about it. Could be the best thing that ever happened to you. I used to pay $3,000 a year to go here, then I flunked out. Now they pay me $3,000 a year to come here. Who do you think got the last laugh there? [a student bursts in and vomits all over. Chuck grabs mop] Chuck's time to shine.

Del Swanson:
[Refusing to yell out window] My mom told my when I'm indoors to use my indoor voice.

Sanford:
The doctor told me I should use that medicine to stop the worms in my hair, but you don't see me caving into pressure.

Sanford:
[studying, with Del and Joe] Hey, who was that president with the beard and the top hat?

Joe:
Abraham Lincoln.

Sanford:
No, this guy gave a really important speech about slavery or something.

Joe:
It's Lincoln, you moron. Lincoln delivered the Gettysburg Address.

Sanford:
You're thinking of someone else. The guy I'm talking about was involved in a big war.

Joe:
The Civil War! How stupid can you -

Del Swanson:
Uncle Sam?

Sanford:
That's it! Uncle Sam. Thanks, man.

Del Swanson:
No problem. I'm kind of a history buff.