A Fairly Odd Movie: Grow Up, Timmy Turner!

[First lines of the movie]

Wanda:
He's so cute when he sleeps!

Cosmo:
Our little angel!

Wanda:
Shh, don't wake him up!

Both:
Happy birthday, Timmy!

Timmy:
Wanda, Cosmo? What are you guys, crazy?

Wanda:
You're a grown man still wearing horsey pajamas and you're asking us if we're crazy?

Cosmo:
Crazy with excitement!

Timmy:
Yep, my birthdays just keep getting better every year, thanks to you guys!

Wanda:
Don't we always have the best time?

Cosmo:
I can't tell time!

Jorgen:
[suddenly enters the room in a flash of lightning and a puff of smoke] Timmy Turner, this is the last birthday party you and your fairies will ever have together! [gives Timmy a present] By the way, happy birthday.

Timmy:
[opening his present] Da Rules?

Jorgen:
Yes! And look at this, right here! Page 14-38, paragraph 3, subsection D!

Timmy:
[reading] "A godchild loses his fairies when he grows up..." Not me.

Cosmo and Wanda:
Yay!

Timmy:
"...He leaves home..." Not me.

Cosmo and Wanda:
Yeah!

Timmy:
"...Or experiences life's true magic - love." [Cosmo, Wanda, and Poof gasp]

Jorgen:
Well…?

Timmy:
Again, not me. The only girl I've ever kissed was Tootie, it was 13 years ago. It was forced upon me, and I did not enjoy it.

Cosmo:
Look out!

[A thought balloon of young Tootie making a kissy face appears beside Timmy's head; Timmy, Cosmo, Wanda, and Jorgen all grimace at it]

Timmy:
Anyway, she moved away and no one ever saw her again. So, love… not even an issue.

Wanda:
True! According to Timmy's Love Meter, he's not in love!

Jorgen:
This is not a game! The longer you keep Cosmo, Wanda, and Poof, the more you put them in danger of being exposed or captured!

Timmy:
Like I said, not an issue! Relax! Have some cake.

Jorgen:
Keep your cake for the inevitable fairy-go-bye-bye party. I will find a way. I will make you grow up! I am Jorgen, the most powerful fairy ever! [disappears]

Cosmo:
Can I have some cake?

Timmy:
[regarding his parents' birthday gifts for him] The want ads?

Mr. Turner:
[gasps] Really? Ooh! They need unskilled workers at that new dynamite factory! Sounds exciting and dangerous!

[After Timmy collides with Vicky's sign]

Vicky:
Well, look who it is trashing my day care center - the biggest twerp in Dimmsdale, Timmy Turner!

Timmy:
Yeecch. Icky Vicky. [kids giggle] Still molding young minds, I see.

[The kids start shaking their squirtable cheese containers]

Vicky:
Don't you shake your ba-bas at me! It's not snack time till I say it's snack time!

Timmy:
And nothing enhances snacktime like moldy rotten string cheese in your ba-bas, huh kids?

[The kids start squirting their string cheese at Vicky.]

Vicky:
Aaaaahhh! Aaaaahhh! This isn't over, Timmy Turner!

Mr. Crocker:
Riddle me this, class! How does a 23-year-old man still manage to stay in the 5th grade all these years? How'd he do it? How is it even possible, hmmm?

Katie:
Oh boy, here we go.

Mr. Crocker:
Yes! [snaps fingers] Now I remember! He has... [children gasp and cover their ears] ...FAIRY GODPARENTS, FAIRY GODPARENTS, FAIRY GODPARENTS!! Ohh...

Timmy:
Well, I've been in this class for 13 years. How come no one's ever seen these fairy godparents?

Mr. Crocker:
Oh, they will, Turner. See, I know you're remaining childlike in order to keep your FAIRIES! But I'll play along with your game, 'cause soon I will catch them. And then, it will be I, Mr. Denzel Crocker, who will be making the wishes around here! [the students stare at him] Heh. Go on... make a wish. I dare you.

Timmy:
Okay. [Cosmo, Wanda, and Poof appear as the badges on Timmy's backpack] I wish you had the atomic runs.

Mr. Crocker:
[makes uncomfortable noises] Oooh. I need to use the restroom. Silent study until I return! Enjoy this one, Turner... because it will be your last.

Katie:
Best day ever! Crocker has diarrhea.

Ravi:
And school has let out early due to impending tornadoes...

Howie:
...When it's totally sunny out! Crazy, huh, Mouse?

Timmy:
Crazy? If gettin' out of school early on my birthday and having more time to be a kid is crazy, well then people, slap me in a straight jacket!

Cosmo:
We're so proud of you, Timmy!

Wanda:
We'll always be together.

Timmy:
You got that right! There's nothing in this world that I'd ever give you guys up for.

[Suddenly, Timmy sees a girl walking by and is so lovestruck by her that he doesn't see where he's going and collides with a mailbox, falling off his bike.]

Cosmo:
Timmy, are you okay?!

Timmy:
Yeah.

Cosmo:
Good, then can we do it again? It was fun!

Magnate:
Ladies and gentlemen, ever since Daddy slapped a shovel in my little hand, I have been looking for fuel to run our everyday lives. And so, when my high-tech thermal satellites detected a massive untapped combustible resource field under the city, I decided to come here to Dummsdale and... see for myself. [laughs]

Janice:
Dimmsdale.

Magnate:
What?

Janice:
Dimmsdale.

Magnate:
Well whatever. Dim, Dumm, what difference does it make? By the time I'm done with the place, you're gonna want to change its name to Stinking-Richdale!

Chester:
Look who it is - Mr. Never Grew Up, Timmy Turner.

A.J.:
He's checkin' us out!

Chester:
Just like the ladies.

[Two girls nearby groan at them.]

A.J.:
Yeah, that's right, Timmy T. Looks like A.J.'s all grown up and stylin' in a brand-new argyle sweater.

Chester:
And me, professional security expert, fighting crime with my smarty melon and multiple keys on a retractable wire! [bites into his sandwich, causing ketchup to spill on A.J.'s sweater] He's just jealous.

Wanda:
Timmy's staring at that girl!

Cosmo:
I'll give him a slushee! [makes a slushee appear in Timmy's hand] See? It worked! [Timmy starts sipping the slushee and continues staring at Tootie] Oh wait, he's still staring.

Girl:
There's nothing wrong with the old Dimmsdale! And there's nothing wrong with the Dimmsdale Dogwood...

[Magnate snaps his fingers and his two goons start chasing Tootie. Timmy watches as she flips over a police line barrier and rushes towards the Dogwood tree.]

Timmy:
Nice move!

Tootie:
[as she chains herself to the tree] ...The tree I grew up with and climbed in this very park!

Magnate:
Listen, Sister Suzie Saffron Wheat-Grassgulper, whatever your tree-hugging name is. You don't wanna mess around with Hugh J. Magnate Jr. So why don't you just toddle off to your yurt or wherever home is.

Girl:
This is home. I was raised right here in Dimmsdale! And the name's not "Saffron Sippin' Wheat-Grass Gurglin'" anything, it's Tootie!

[Timmy does a spit take, and Cosmo and Wanda's eyes pop]

Timmy, Cosmo, and Wanda:
Tootie!?

Cosmo:
Here it comes again!

[A thought balloon of young Tootie giggling appears beside Timmy's head]

Magnate:
I suggest you move your conifer-kissing keister, missy.

Tootie:
Not gonna happen. Not if you're gonna knock down this tree.

Magnate:
Well, have it your way. Boys! Tear down this tree.

Timmy:
She is awesome!

Cosmo and Wanda:
Awesome?!

Timmy:
Hey, you can't tear down that tree with a girl chained to it!

Magnate:
Don't get your knickers in a bunch, pimple-monkey! She'll move. They always do. [Janice glares at him] Well, they usually do.

Timmy:
Tootie? Wow, I-I-I-I gotta tell ya, that was incredible!

Tootie:
Timmy Turner. [giggles] Look at you! You haven't changed a bit. Not even a little.

Timmy:
Where have you been?

Tootie:
Oh, you know, just traveling the world, making a difference, and trying to help helpless creatures. What have you been up to?

Timmy:
Oh, uh… I'm still in school.

Tootie:
Wow, an educated man, and look at this. You show up, and all these amazing things happen. It's like magic!

Timmy:
M-magic? [Cosmo, Wanda, and Poof whistle innocently] No, no no. Me? No magic. No, not here. You kidding? Come on, no, no, no, no.

Tootie:
Well, it's great to see you.

[They share a hug. Cosmo and Wanda notice the Love Meter is rising, gasp, and cover Poof's eyes. Timmy then suddenly pulls out of the embrace.]

Timmy:
Daah! Aah. Aah.

Tootie:
What's the matter?

Timmy:
Uh, uh, sunburn on my back. No hugs till it heals, doctor said. Gotta go! [leaves]

Cosmo:
He is so smooth.

Magnate:
[answering his cell phone] What?

Mr. Crocker:
[speaking on the other line in a deep voice] I hear your perfect plan just got un-perfect. If you want answers, meet me tonight, 8-ish, in the Alley, corner of Hall and Oates.

Crocker's mother:
Denzel, who are you talking to?

Mr. Crocker:
[in his regular voice] Quiet, mother! I'm on the phone using my voice disguiser!

Crocker's mother:
But your mac and cheese is ready!

Mr. Crocker:
Oh boy! Mac and-- [deep voice] I mean, uh, come alone.

Wanda:
Timmy, what's the matter, sad that your birthday's over?

Timmy:
I think I need to go to the doctor. My stomach's all in knots, and my heart is racing.

Cosmo:
[turns into a doctor] Dr. Cosmo in the hizzouse! Ahh, no fever. [putting on a glove] Time for a full exam!

Wanda:
You've been acting sick since you saw Tootie in the park yesterday.

Timmy:
Sick? No, I just have a cold or something. Still, she's so brave, so sure of herself.

Wanda:
[looks at the Love Meter] Oh no! You're falling in love with Tootie! That means you're growing up and you'll lose us forever!

Timmy:
Uh-oh!

Cosmo:
It also means I don't get to use the glove, doesn't it?

Tootie:
It was nice meeting you! [leaves]

Mrs. Turner:
No!

Mr. Turner:
Wait! Don't go! Wait! Don't! Stay!

Mrs. Turner:
Our vacation's already paid for!

Mr. Turner:
We'll give you money!

Mrs. Turner:
Livestock!

Mr. Turner:
Raisins!

Wanda:
Cosmo, we got to stop Tootie before she breaks up our family!

Cosmo:
For once, I agree with your shrill, commanding, and authoritative voice! [Wanda glares at him] I mean, I love you!

Cosmo:
Hey, Timmy. Let's do something really, really fun!

Poof:
Pooh-pooh-poof!

Wanda:
Yeah! Super fun!

Cosmo:
Like shave Crocker, turn your dad into a woman... [Wanda and Poof look at him oddly] ...Turn Wanda into a woman. [Wanda glares at him] I mean, you're the wind beneath my wings!

Tootie:
You know what I wish for?

Timmy:
No.

Tootie:
I wish that we could help rebuild the park around the Dimmsdale Dogwood. You know, the way it used to be when we were kids.

Timmy:
Wow. Nice wish. I mean, 'cause it's not a wish for yourself. You don't really hear wishes like that everyday.

[Cosmo and Wanda transform themselves into humans]

Wanda:
Oh my gosh, we're humans! And look! I've got legs... that need to be shaved. Ewwww.

Cosmo:
Woo, and I've got underarm hair! I'm definitely not shaving that.

Cosmo:
Good evening, everyone. We're your perfectly normal not-magic-fairy human waiters with unbelievably super-hairy legs and underarms!

Timmy:
What are you guys doing? And what have you done to yourselves?

Cosmo:
We're waiters! 'Course, it's just a stepping stone on our path to becoming actors. STELLA!!

Katie:
Hey Timmy, we were gonna go get ice cream. Wanna come?

Timmy:
No thanks. I'm good, surprisingly.

Howie:
But you always want ice cream!

Ravi:
How about you wanna not come but give us some money for ice cream? [Timmy tosses him some money] He's totally distracted, which means we can keep the change!

Howie:
Check it out!

Katie:
They got Tootie!

Ravi:
And I got tooty-fruity with hot fudge. I mean, we have to help her!

Howie:
Let's get Timmy. [kids run]

Tootie:
You?

Magnate:
Ironic, isn't it? Someone who cares so much about helping this little creature got betrayed by a helplessing creature. [Magnate and bunny makes an evil laugh]

Wanda:
Magnate's got Tootie! Hurray!

Cosmo:
Yay! [Poof stares at them angrily]

Wanda:
Well, I mean it's good that she gets to ride in a limo, right?

Cosmo:
Yah. This means that we can always be with Timmy and things never have to change, right? [Poof stares at them more angry than before]

Wanda:
Poof's intense stare of guilt is right, Cosmo. Here we are wanting Poof to grow up and we're keeping Timmy from doing the same thing.

Cosmo:
You're right, Wanda. We have to do what's best for Timmy! [Poof grins]

Wanda:
Aww. I'm proud of us, Cosmo. And thanks for staring such sense into us, Poof. [Poof glides to Cosmo and Wanda] Let's tell Timmy and save Tootie!

Crocker:
Don't worry little FAIRIES! [He sucks Cosmo, Wanda, and Poof into a device]

Cosmo, Wanda and Poof:
AHHHHH!

Crocker:
Thanks to my Atomic Fairy Incarcerator, I'll show Timmy Turner that I now have possession of his [spazzes] FAIRY... GODPARENTS!

Howie:
Timmy, are you ok?

Timmy:
What is it?

Howie:
Tootie got kidnapped by a bunny in Magnate's limo.

Ravi:
And there is no change. The ice cream came to exactly $20.

Timmy:
Tootie's in trouble? Well, then I guess I wish she was right here back next to me. [kids stare at each other confused] I wish she was right back here next to me. (What's going on?)

Katie:
I think something's wrong with Timmy's brain.

Timmy:
[looks at backpack; the buttons CW&P were on read "HELP US, TIMMY!"] Mangnate just doesn't have Tootie. He's got... [runs off]

Vicky:
Hey twerp! Thought you might like a slice of my faceplant pizza!

Magnate:
Any last words before I blast you out of existence?

Timmy:
Uh, yes. I should have done this a long time ago. It's time for me to grow up!

Poof:
Huh?

Timmy:
I love you, guys.

Cosmo and Wanda:
We love you too.

Magnate:
I think I just threw up a little in my mouth. Time's up! [pushes his wish button and prepares to blast them]

Cosmo, Wanda and Poof:
[getting shocked] Aaaaaaah!

Timmy:
[embraces Tootie] I love you, Tootie!

[Timmy kisses Tootie passionately. As he does so, CW&P are revived and Magnate's power fades away.]

Poof:
Huh?

Cosmo:
[as he, Wanda, and Poof begin to fade away] What's happening?

Wanda:
[looks at the Love Meter, which now displays "In Love" and is rapidly beeping] Cosmo, he's saving us!

Cosmo:
[as he, Wanda, and Poof fade away] Don't forget to feed the dog!

Wanda:
Cosmo, he doesn't have a dog!

Cosmo:
Well, if you get one, don't forget to feed it!

Timmy:
I'm gonna miss you guys forever!

Cosmo and Wanda:
Goodbye, Timmy!

Tootie:
Not bad, Turner. You saved my tree and stole my heart.

Timmy:
It's amazing what you can do when you're grown up, huh?

Tootie:
I can't believe it. All these years, you had fairy godparents and couldn't tell anyone. [giggles] That's pretty amazing.

Timmy:
Ya, it really was. They were my best friends too. I-I just wish I could see them again.

Timmy:
Cool your jets, Jorgen, okay? I already gave up Cosmo and Wanda, and I'm a full-fledged adult now. Tomorrow, I'm even buying deodorant.

Wanda:
Isn't this great, Cosmo? After all these years, Timmy and Tootie finally ended up together!

Cosmo:
I give them 2 weeks tops!

Timmy:
Hey, I think Poof is trying to say something!

Cosmo and Wanda:
Finally! His first words!

Poof (Randy Jackson voice):
Yo, man. This gonna be so cool, man. We're going to be bumpin', man. Tryin' to help the boys out. You know how we do it. You feel me, dawg?

[Record scratches and plays]

Wanda:
Uh... that's gonna take some getting used to.

[Timmy's parents sit at what seems like a beach laughing]

Mr. Turner:
Finally we're on vacation.

Mrs. Turner:
Oh, who says you need to vacation in paradise? With Timmy gone....

Timmy's parents:
This is paradise!

Crocker:
[Falls from the sky] Ahhhh! Everything ends at Turner's.

Dad:
That's the worst waiter we ever had.