Alvin and the Chipmunks: The Squeakquel

Alvin:
So this is a classroom. [sniffs] I love the smell of zit cream in the morning!

Alvin:
I'm gonna crack you like an acorn and eat you for dinner! With some fava beans and a nice chianti. (imitates Hannibal Lecter)

Alvin:
Everybody, shake what your mama gave ya!

Alvin:
I'm not going anywhere without Daaa...! [the doctor injects him in the rear with a sedative] ...aaaydream believer, and the homecoming queen... [falls out cold]

Alvin:
Oh, it is on like Donkey Kong!

Simon:
[While playing dodgeball] Glasses! Glasses! You wouldn't hit a guy with glasses, would you?! [Gets hit by a dodgeball] Right in the pancreas.

Simon:
[after meeting Jeanette] Her glasses were quite fetching.

Simon:
[to Ryan] And you call yourself a jock.

Theodore:
[after meeting Eleanor] She's like a beautiful green gumdrop.

Theodore:
[after the Eagles' mascot falls down the stairs] That wasn't very fun-ish.

Brittany:
Oh, my... the Hollywood sign!

Brittany:
You made Alvin and the Chipmunks stars. We wanna be stars, too.

Brittany:
Ian, I won't perform without my sisters.

Brittany:
We are so going to destroy those Chipmunks!

Brittany:
I just adore a penthouse view!

Brittany:
Hey, Ian! In the words of the Donald: You're fired!

Jeanette:
That Simon is dreamy.

Eleanor:
I think Theodore was looking at me!

Eleanor:
We either sing together, or not at all!

David Seville:
[Repeated line] ALVIIIIIIIIIN!!!

Toby Seville:
I can totally do this. I mean, I took care of my cat... before he ran away. Well, "ran away" is a strong word, I think he just wanted his space. But, I see him on the street sometimes. He hisses and claws at me, but I think that's his way of saying we're tight.

Toby Seville:
Dave wants you to go to school, so you're goin'.

Ian Hawke:
I had 15 cars. I mean, that's like 5 more cars than anybody really needs. I had 7 maids. I had courtside seats to the Lakers. Even my maids had courtside seats to the Lakers. And now, look at me. Look at me! I lost everything. Except for my dignity. They can't take that away from me. And it's all because of them. Now I run around, hoping and praying that I can find other animals that can sing or dance.

Ian Hawke:
I will get you, Chipmunks.

Ian Hawke:
[hears chipmunk-like voices] That voice! I can't get it outta my head!

Ian Hawke:
Students of West Eastman, you have just witnessed the debut of the Chipettes!

Ian Hawke:
[to the Chipmunks] In your FACE!

Ian Hawke:
Girls, guess who just became the #1 Chipette fan in the whole dang world? Ian Hawke! That's who!

Ian Hawke:
[films the Chipettes and himself on his phone] Like what you see? Call Ian Hawke. (310) 555-5309.

Doctor:
(to Alvin, when Dave's hospital bed goes haywire) The more stress you put on Mr. Seville, the longer it will take him to recover!

Jackie:
Toby's living with me 'til he figures out what he wants to do with his life. So far, that means going (imitates playing a video game) "Pyu! Pyu-pyu-pyu-pyu!" with his thumbs all day.

[the Chipmunks answer the phone]

Simon:
Be cool.

Alvin and Simon:
[slowly] Hello?

Dave:
Guys, it's me.

Alvin and Simon:
Dave!?

Alvin:
As in "Dave"?

Dave:
Well, I guess since you answered the phone, you haven't burned down the house yet.

Alvin:
Have a little faith, Dave!

Theodore:
Yeah! [falls off the pot rack] Mayday!

[He lands on a pan, and it hits the floor]

Dave:
What was that?

Simon:
[whispers to Alvin] Don't stress him out.

Alvin:
Uh, that was Aunt Jackie. Yeah. She's cooking us a tasty 5-course meal.

Dave:
Really? Well, Can I talk to her?

Theodore:
She's practicing her pole dancing.

[Alvin and Simon look confused]

Dave:
Pole dancing? What happened to making dinner? Guys, what's goin' on?

Alvin:
Gotta go, Dave!

Dave:
Alvin, I'm not kidding!

Alvin:
Feel better!

Dave:
ALVIIIIIIIIIIIII...!

[Alvin hangs up just before Dave finishes]

Alvin:
Yep! Nobody does that better than him.

(Ryan notices the Chipmunks meeting the female students)

Ryan:
Somebody's gonna hafta knock those guys down to size.

Xander:
That should be pretty easy. I mean, they're only 8 inches tall.

[the Chipmunks have been talking with the female students at lunch]

Ryan:
Listen up, rock stars. If you talk to those girls again, you're dead. If you look at those girls again, you're dead. If you even think about those girls... Are you thinkin' about them?

Alvin:
Well, I am now.

Ryan:
That's it. YOU'RE DEAD!!

[he tries to catch the Chipmunks, but they escape]

Ryan:
Xander, come on!

[Xander follows him]

Xander:
Get back here, you dirty rats!

Simon:
Can't swim! Help!

Alvin:
Grab on, Simon!

[He pulls Simon out of the toilet]

Simon:
Thanks. [shakes himself off]

Alvin:
Are you okay?

Simon:
Well, uh, considering that you just saved me from drowning in a toilet, I'm, uh, pretty good.

Alvin:
I'll be right back.

[he walks into the corridor]

Simon:
Alvin! Alvin! We're not gonna solve anything with violence!

[they spot Theodore hanging in the locker room; Ryan and Xander try poking him]

Ryan:
It's the fatty ratty.

Theodore:
Cut it out!

[they poke his rear]

Ryan:
This rat has serious junk in the trunk.

Theodore:
Hey!

Xander:
Yeah, little fatty.

Theodore:
Stop it!

Ryan:
Tickles when I poke him.

[Alvin and Simon furiously attack Ryan and Xander]

[the Chipmunks are sent to Dr. Rubin's office after their brawl against Ryan and Xander]

Dr. Rubin:
You threatened to climb inside of him and build a nest.

Simon:
That was out of line. I'm not even sure that's physically possible.

Dr. Rubin:
I should suspend all 3 of you.

Alvin:
Please do.

Dr. Rubin:
Instead, I have a better idea. Due to budget cutbacks, we are in jeopardy of losing our beloved music program.

Simon:
That's awful.

Dr. Rubin:
I know. But there is one small ray of hope. Every year, the district sponsors a music competition, and the winner's school receives $25,000. If we win, we can save our program.

Simon:
And you want us to perform?

Alvin:
'Cause I didn't think you were a fan.

Dr. Rubin:
Why don't you sleep on it?

[she reaches for her jacket, revealing a tattoo of the Chipmunks on her left arm, to the Chipmunks' surprise]

Alvin:
Wait a minute! What is that?! That's us!

Theodore:
I look skinny.

[Dr. Rubin is shocked that they have noticed]

Dr. Rubin:
Promise me that you won't say anything. A principal has a certain image to uphold, and if the faculty ever found out about this, I could-- [laughs excitedly and bangs on her desk] I just cannot believe that you're actually sitting in my office! I have all of your C.D.'s. I even went to see you last year in Denver. That's where I got this. [her tattoo] It was my birthday. And I was like: "Ah! The Chipmunks! Ah!". So, what do you say? Will you represent our school?

Alvin:
Honestly, suspension still sounds pretty good to me.

Theodore:
Come on, Alvin. Whattaya say? One for all, and 3 for one.

Simon:
Well put, Theodore. Very well put. Count us in!

Alvin:
[unenthusiastically] Yay.

Dr. Rubin:
Go, Eagles!

Theodore:
Eagles?! Where?!

Dave:
Hey Ian are you sure you what the chipettes in your show?

Ian:
Yes I am sure they are talking chipmunks

Dave:
Well ok but don't come to me when they leave you.

Ian:
Ok. They're never leaving

Ian:
"Life is great...especially when you're *not* a loser!

Alvin and Theodore:
Dave!

Simon:
Dave, you're alive!

Dave:
Hey, guys!

Alvin:
It was an accident, I swear!

Theodore:
Are you okay?

Alvin:
I'm really sorry, Dave.

Dave:
I'll be fine. I'm just gonna be stuck here for a while. And until I get out, I've made arrangements for my Aunt Jackie to come stay with you.

Alvin:
Who's Aunt Jackie?

Theodore:
The one who sends us those metal buckets of yummy popcorn for Christmas.

Alvin:
[remembers] Oh! Popcorn Jackie.

Simon:
Alvin, you promised Theodore we'd hang out. We're watching "Meerkat Manor" tonight. No pretty girls.

Alvin:
Dude, I can't swing it today, bro.

Simon:
That's what you say every day, Alvin. Need I remind you it's your day to do the laundry?

Ryan:
Better listen to your daddy, Alvin. You don't wanna get grounded.

[The Chipmunks are rehearsing after meeting and falling in love with the Chipettes]

Alvin:
[referring to Brittany] I never thought I'd say this, but, pink is my new favorite color.

Simon:
[referring to Jeanette] Her glasses were quite fetching.

Theodore:
[referring to Eleanor] She's like a beautiful green gumdrop.

[As Alvin and Simon fight over a blanket]

Alvin:
Stop hogging.

Simon:
I'm not hogging.

Alvin:
You might as well be rooting out truffles in the French countryside, because you are, in fact, HOGGING!

Simon:
I'm not!

Alvin:
Are so!

Simon:
Not!

Simon:
You knew about this, Alvin? Does the word "brother" mean anything to you?

Alvin:
Yes. Of course.

Ryan:
Yeah, well, he has some new brothers now that he's on the football team.

Simon:
[turns to Ryan; irritated through clenched teeth] You still haven't picked up that litter.

Ryan:
You want me to get rid of litter?

Simon:
Yeah.

Ryan:
Let's start with you! [picks him up]

Simon:
Hey, let… Let go. Let go! No! [Ryan throws him in a nearby trash can]

Simon:
Alvin, I am going to put this behind us for Theodore's sake.

Alvin:
I know. That's why I'm giving you the Alvin guarantee that I will be at that sing-off, Friday night.

Simon:
Wait, wait, wait, wait. Why wouldn't you be there?

Alvin:
[stammering] Because I have a… [mumbles]

Simon:
What?

Alvin:
A… [mumbles]

Simon:
[not understanding] You have a what?

Alvin:
A football game! There, I said it! A football game!

Simon:
[sternly] Alvin, do not miss that sing-off.

Alvin:
Don't worry, Simon. I'll be there. I can do both.

[Mext morning, Alvin looks around for Theodore, attempting to apologize to him, but he was nowhere to be seen]

Alvin:
Theodore? Theodore, I don't blame you for being mad. [sees a note on the fridge Theodore left] Uh-oh. [runs over to the fridge; reading the note] "I ran away from home. Don't look for me at the zoo, 'cause I'm not there." Oh, no, Theodore.

Ian:
How about a little moon roof action? Moon roofs are go! [opens up the limousine's rooftop] Rooves? Moon roof. Roofs? Rooves? Ooh, champagne. Don't mind if I do. [picks up and starts to open a champagne bottle while the Chipettes free themselves from their cage to make their escape as he's distracted] You know why I don't mind if I do? Because tonight, we've got to toast to a very special someone named me. They said I couldn't do it. They said I'd never bounce back. Guess what? Time to kiss my sweet… [opens the bottle's cork and pours some champagne as the Chipettes jump out of the limo] Ooh. A toast to the ladies who are gonna make the world forget about the Chipmu… [turns around to the empty cage] What…?

Eleanor:
[giggling while sliding down] See ya!

Ian:
No. No, no, no! No! What are you doing? Alvin!

Alvin:
Hi, Ian! Good to see you! You never write!

Brittany:
I guess I owe you an apology about Ian.

Alvin:
Stick with me, Brit. I'll never steer you wrong.

Brittany:
[exclaims] Oh, yeah. I'll never doubt you again.

[Ian chases after them with a remote-controlled helicopter, laughing maniacally]

Alvin:
I gotta say, he is definitely persistent.

[The Chipmunks (except Alvin) and Chipettes are all tucked in their beds, ready for sleep]

Dave:
Look at you. All ready for bed. Looks like the Chipettes are a good influence.

Brittany:
Thanks, Dave.

Jeanette:
Thanks, Dave.

Eleanor:
Thanks, Dave. [laughs]

Dave:
Okay, guys. Now lights out. Good night, everybody.

Simon:
Good night, Jeanette.

Jeanette:
Good night, Simon.

Brittany:
Good night, Alvin.

Dave:
Alvin?

Alvin:
I'm not tired.

Dave:
Sorry, but you've got school tomorrow.

Alvin:
Okay.

Alvin:
Holla! The Cheese Balls are in the hizzouse! [singing a parody of "Stayin' Alive"]

Alvin:
[after meeting Brittany] I never thought I'd say this, but, pink is my new favorite color.

Alvin:
[as he and his brothers are shocked at seeing the Chipettes with Ian] They're with Ian?!

Alvin:
[to Simon after finding him in the dumpster] Okay. I am a total jerk. I admit it. So are we cool, now? [holds out his hand for Simon to shake but Simon violently pulls him in the dumpster and starts wrestling him]

Alvin:
[to an eagle as it's about to harm Theodore] Look, I get why you want Theodore. I do. But, I'm sorry, I can't let that happen. He's my brother. Not that he'd know that, because I've been such a bit jerk lately. If anyone deserves to be eaten, it's me. [the eagle comes closer to him] Whoa, whoa, whoa! Not literally!

Simon:
I thought Alvin was messy. This is literally disgusting. I feel like I'm living in a dumpster.

Simon:
Oh, you've got to be joking. A taco? In a blanket? Toby!

Simon:
[not pleased to see Ian Hawke] I thought I smelled a rat.

Simon:
[to Ryan; through clenched teeth] You still haven't picked up that litter.

Theodore:
We can play Monopoly. We play Monopoly with Dave all the time.

Theodore:
[to Eleanor] I think you look great just the way you are.

Jeanette:
I don't want to destroy them.