Brewster McCloud

The Lecturer:
I forgot the opening line.

Det. Lt. Frank Shaft:
[Shaft is asking the butler about Brewster] How tall was he?

Butler:
Oh, short. Very short, like you.

Det. Lt. Frank Shaft:
I'm six one, Milhouse.

Butler:
You are? I'm five nine and you look shorter than me.

Det. Lt. Frank Shaft:
You're standing on the steps.

Butler:
Oh. So I am.

Det. Lt. Frank Shaft:
Alright, where were you when you interviewed him?

Butler:
Here. Right here, where we are.

Det. Lt. Frank Shaft:
You were up there and he was down here. Is that right?

Butler:
I think so.

Det. Lt. Frank Shaft:
Let's see, those steps are about eight inches, so that means if he was six foot one he would have looked to you to be about 16 inches shorter. About four nine.

Butler:
Right. Under five feet. Short. Only I think I was down here. [He steps down to the floor] And he was there. [Shaft climbs up one step]

Det. Lt. Frank Shaft:
What the hell would he be doing up here?

Butler:
Well, he was short, like I said, and maybe it made him feel better.

Det. Lt. Frank Shaft:
[Shaft sits on the step] Alright, he was up here and you were down there. Is that right?

Butler:
Right.

Det. Lt. Frank Shaft:
And he looked to you to be about four foot nine?

Butler:
That's right, short.

Det. Lt. Frank Shaft:
Jesus Christ, Milhouse, if he was four foot nine and he was standing on sixteen inches of steps that'd make him only three foot five.

Butler:
That's right. He was short like you.

Officer Douglas Breen:
[At the zoo: throwing Brewster, with his expensive camera, into some bushes] Get over in there!

Officer Douglas Breen:
[Holding up a small cylindrical paper object] You know what this is?

Brewster McCloud:
A poorly rolled cigarette.

Officer Douglas Breen:
It's a marijuana cigarette. It's dope. It's dope I picked up after I saw you drop it outta' your pocket. You give me that camera and we'll forget this little matter. If ya' don't, it's one to ten. So take your pick.

Brewster McCloud:
Mister, one of us is crazy.

Officer Douglas Breen:
Oh, yeah? [Pulls out his badge and holds it out]

Officer Douglas Breen:
"Breen." "Narcotics." [a bird turd promptly splats on the badge]

Det. Lt. Frank Shaft:
There are times, Bernard, when a man works best alone. This is one of those times.

Bernard:
What did he mean by that?

Officer Johnson:
I don't know, but it's something

Det. Capt. Crandall:
I know birdshit when I see it! Now I suggest we drop this birdshit sh*t and settle down to some old-fashioned policework!