DCI Banks

DCI Alan Banks:
[to DS Annie Cabbott] I'm recommending you for a transfer to my unit, East Yorkshire CID. You're ambitious, ruthless and amoral. Every team needs a player like that.

[Alan Banks and Annie Cabbot had planned a romantic night at home but were interrupted by Bank's daughter; they come into work together the following morning]

[Annie yawns]

DI Helen Morton:
Late night, was it?

DS Annie Cabbot:
Hardly slept a wink.

[Ken Blackstone sn*ggers]

DCI Alan Banks:
She means with the baby.

DI Helen Morton:
What else could she mean? [to Banks] There's a Mrs Juliet Doyle here to see you - your old neighbor. She's very upset so I've put her in your office out of the way.

DS Annie Cabbot:
[sarcastically] That was nice of you.

DI Helen Morton:
If I'd been blessed with a bedside manner, I'd have become a nurse.

DS Annie Cabbot:
[drily] The NHS was spared.

[At Chief Superintendent Rydell's request, Banks has found Rydell's daughter in London and brought her back home. Their taxi pulls up outside Rydell's house]

Emily Rydell:
[wearily] Oh well, here we go. Tears, snot and shouting.

[It is early morning. Banks has just arrived at the scene of a brutal murder. Morton and the SOCOs are already there]

DI Helen Morton:
You'll want overshoes, DCI Banks. It's like an abattoir in there. I have frontal lobe in my instep.

DCI Banks:
As greetings go, DI Morton, I've had warmer.

DI Helen Morton:
Morning.

DCI Banks:
[ironically] I'm thinking of starting a campaign. Anyone convicted of a serious crime committed during anti-social hours automatically gets another five years added on to their sentence. I'm sure your husband would agree.

[At a murder scene, a SOCO has found a piece of the page of a magazine used as makeshift wadding in a shotgun cartridge. Banks and Morton are examining it under a magnifying glass]

DCI Banks:
Is that a...

SOCO:
I think it is.

DCI Banks:
And that could be a...

DI Helen Morton:
Penis. First time I've seen one through a magnifying glass! You?

DCI Banks:
I'm more interested in the sub machine-gun standing next to it.

[At the murder scene, the SOCOs found a fragment from a pornography magazine, showing a penis and a machine gun, so Blackstone is searching pornography web sites. Banks has suggested to Morton that in order to fit in and get the team on her side she should occasionally try to make her team laugh]

DC Ken Blackstone:
The number of web sites for fans of gun porn is dwarfed by those for connoisseurs of... well, dwarves, for a start, not to mention nylon, bubble wrap, puppets.

DS Winsome Jackman:
Puppets?

DC Ken Blackstone:
Puppets.

DI Helen Morton:
[laughing] I thought men were after no-strings sex.

[Blackstone and Jackman look blankly at Morton, with not the hint of a smile]

DCI Banks:
[on Waring's vigilante slayings leading to her causing the demise of an innocent detective] That's the difference... ''JUSTICE!''... ''Tries To Stop The Killing!'' [spits] ''VENGENCE!''... ''The Killing Never Ends!''

[last mornful lines]

Dr. Elizabeth Waring:
Look after yourself! [slits her throat with a scalpel as Banks tries to save her]