Gangsters, Guns & Zombies

Pat:
What... Were... The... Scores?

Grandma:
...but it could be the last time anyone shoots your balls off!

Tony:
Whoa, whoa, easy Grandma easy. Didn't mean to scare you.

Grandma:
Oh really, 'f***face'? Do I look scared to you?

Tony:
Calm down. It's not the 1st time I've had a gun pointed at me.

Grandma:
Oh, maybe so, but it could be the last time anyone shoots your balls off! Ha ha, now that's better. Now you 'Bald Ass'! [points gun at Muscles] and you 'Fat Ass' [points gun at Pat] and you 'Black Ass' [points gun at Q] get back in your sh*t mobile and piss off! Go rob a post office or something!

Pat:
We'd love to but we ran out of fuel and we barely made it here.

Grandma:
Then go rob a freaking petrol station or something!

Q:
I understand how this looks. We're not here to rob anyone. We just saw the car and...

Grandma:
Thought you'd get a closer look eh?. I'm not getting any younger, you know. I just might shoot the lot of you anyways!

Q:
Whoa, easy, easy, all right? You're not gonna shoot anyone.

Grandma:
Oh, really?

Q:
Yeah, because if you do, you'll attract every member of the undead within a 10-mile radius and I know you don't want to do that. Look, you even took the wind-chimes from your front door.

Muscles:
We understand that we startled you out here all alone.

Cassie:
[out of nowhere she appears pointing a gun at Q's head] What makes you think she's all alone?

Grandma:
Going somewhere good are we?

Tony:
Put the f***ing gun down!

Grandma:
No, after you.

Tony:
Ladies 1st!

Q:
Ton, what's going on?

Tony:
We're leaving!

Grandma:
Not with all our food you're not!

Tony:
Don't f***ing argue with me! We are heading for the coast. I got the car keys in me pocket.

Q:
Ton, this is wrong mate.

Tony:
Oh shut up you soppy little c*nt! What do you know about right and f***ing wrong? Was it 'right' for any of 'this' to happen? Was it ' right' for us to rob a bank? Was it 'right' to steal a van? No! Yes it is a piece of sh*t f***ing van with me mate's blood all over it!

Q:
Why don't you lower the gun?

Tony:
Shut up! Was it 'right' for f***ing Danny to be buried in the mud? No! Was it 'right' for Crazy Steve to be eaten by those f***ing things?

Cassie:
Tony, look...

Tony:
Shut the f*** up you c*nt! [Pat & Muscles enter the room] Pat, we leaving mate, Muscles, I got the car keys in me pocket mate!

Pat:
What?

Muscles:
Tony, no mate...

Grandma:
You're not going anywhere!

Tony:
Shut up you old cow or I'll shoot you then I'll shoot your f***ing granddaughter!

Grandma:
You pathetic little man!

Tony:
Oh yeah? [starts to shoot gun but it only clicks]

Cassie:
You evil f***!

Grandma:
You thought I would leave a loaded gun in the house with someone like you around?

Grandma:
[ rushes into a pack of zombies armed with only a Fire Iron] Come on you motherf***ers!

Front Line TV Reporter:
Remember the rules: S.H.I.T= Sever the head, Have an escape route, Isolate the infected, Travel by day