Generation Kill

Sgt. Brad 'Iceman' Colbert:
Stay frosty gents.

Cpl. Josh Ray Person:
A Nutbusting haji, is a happy haji.

Cpl. Josh Ray Person:
Look Brad, I'm a man! Just like you- only I don't look like a f*ggot and speak all educated.

Cpt. Craig 'Encino Man' Schwetje:
Doc?

Navy Hm2 Robert Timothy 'Doc' Bryan:
I'm all squared away, sir.

Cpt. Craig 'Encino Man' Schwetje:
Doc, I know the guys look up to you. I'd like to hear what you have to say.

Navy Hm2 Robert Timothy 'Doc' Bryan:
You're asking me to be frank, sir?

Cpt. Craig 'Encino Man' Schwetje:
Yes.

Navy Hm2 Robert Timothy 'Doc' Bryan:
You're incompetent, sir.

Cpt. Craig 'Encino Man' Schwetje:
...I'm doing my best.

Sgt. Brad 'Iceman' Colbert:
Ugh! Perfect shitting opportunity. F*** it- I'm going for it!

Sgt. Brad 'Iceman' Colbert:
Daddy's back!

Cpl. Josh Ray Person:
Peace sucks a hairy a**hole, Freddy. War is the motherf***ing answer.

Sgt. Brad 'Iceman' Colbert:
[to Person] Careful with the Rip Fuel.

Cpl. Josh Ray Person:
F***, man! I'm on thirty hours no sleep! Beat the record I made in high school when I was on the debate team.

Evan 'Scribe' Wright:
Wait a minute, you were on the debate team?

Sgt. Brad 'Iceman' Colbert:
Whats the channel for the 119s?

Cpl. Josh Ray Person:
[to Colbert] 64 and tad 7. [to Wright] Yeah, I was really really f***ing good, but all the other guys on the team thought I was high all of the time.

Sgt. Brad 'Iceman' Colbert:
Gentlemen, we just seized an airfield. That was pretty f***ing ninja.

Sgt. Brad 'Iceman' Colbert:
The point, Lance Corporal: we're supposed to be a recon unit of pure warrior spirit. We're out here, 40 klicks in enemy lines, and this man of God here, he's a f***in' POG. In fact, he's an officer POG. That's one more layer of bureaucracy and unnecessary logistics, one more a**hole we need to supply MREs and baby wipes for. And worst of all, worst of all, the motherf***er doesn't even carry a weapon. When push comes to shove even Rolling Stone picks up a gun but this f***in' shill of God, he can't cover a sector, he'll never hump ammo or Claymores. This is a f***in' war and we're here as warriors, so on top of everything else that's expected of us do we really need to drag him along and indulge in this make-believe bullshit?

Cpl. Josh Ray Person:
Oh, no. Now not only do we have to worry about all the Charms you've eaten, but now Brad's just pissed off God.

Cpl. Josh Ray Person:
Goddamn Baptista! How the f*** would he like it if I joined the Brazilian Marines and only spoke English?

Cpl. Josh Ray Person:
This is really interesting, Brad. You know, Iraqis don't really seem good at fighting, but then they never really completely surrender either.

Sgt. Brad 'Iceman' Colbert:
Put down that f***ing milkshake and dig a f***ing hole.

Cpl. Josh Ray Person:
Why, so I can be more like the teacher's pet?

Sgt. Brad 'Iceman' Colbert:
Yeah, that's exactly it. You should be more like Trombley.

Cpl. Josh Ray Person:
More like Trombley? MORE LIKE TROMBLEY?

Sgt. Brad 'Iceman' Colbert:
[running around a field with his arms outstretched like an airplane]

Cpl. Josh Ray Person:
What did you like give him some Rolling Stone drugs or something?

Evan 'Scribe' Wright:
I don't know.

Cpl. Josh Ray Person:
What the f*** did you do to him?

Evan 'Scribe' Wright:
Just asked him what he would be if he wasn't a Marine.

Cpl. Josh Ray Person:
Oh my god, he wants to be a ballerina? That's my f***ing dream!

Evan 'Scribe' Wright:
Speaking of which - one of you guys still has my girlfriend's picture.

Cpl. Josh Ray Person:
Dude, I hate to tell you this, but your girlfriend's kind of a whore.

Evan 'Scribe' Wright:
What?

Cpl. Josh Ray Person:
Yeah. Last time I saw her, she was doing all of H & S Company.

Sgt. Brad 'Iceman' Colbert:
She doesn't deserve you, man.

Sgt. Brad 'Iceman' Colbert:
Once more into the great good night. Cry 'havoc,' and let slip the dogs of war.

Cpl. Josh Ray Person:
Damn, Brad, what else you got hidden in the humvee - a fat chick?

Cpt. Bryan Patterson:
It's important to remember that they'll never take a recon marine alive...

Gunnery Sgt. Rich Barrett:
Oorah, sir.

Cpt. Bryan Patterson:
[chukles] Interrogative. Did you find any non-specific destroyed Iraqi armor?

Cpt. Bryan Patterson:
They want our help to clear a minefield.

Gunnery Sgt. Rich Barrett:
At night? That's against division orders.

Cpt. Bryan Patterson:
Solid copy. Now you copy this... I am not following that order. [Throws handset down] They want our help to clear a minefield.

Sgt. Larry Shawn 'Pappy' Patrick:
Damn! I'd eat a mile of her sh*t just to see where it came from...

Cpl. Walt Hasser:
Rollin' Stone?

Cpl. James Chaffin:
F*** if they don't give us a dope-smokin', peace-freak writer.

Sgt. Antonio Espera:
It makes my heart heavy to see the white race stoop as low as James' mother has. At least if she was Mexican she'd be ashamed of herself.

Sgt. Maj. John Sixta:
You has to o-dark-hundred to unf*** ya self.

Sgt. Brad 'Iceman' Colbert:
Ray? Can I have one final moment enjoying the fruits of civilisation?

Sgt. Maj. John Sixta:
Marines, around this world, would gives they left nuts, to be where you are!

Cpl. Josh Ray Person:
You know, it doesn't make you gay if you think Rudy's hot. We all think he's hot.

Cpt. Dave 'Captain America' McGraw:
Godspeed. God-f***ing-speed you!

Sgt. Eric Kocher:
F***ing Captain America...

Cpl. Josh Ray Person:
Hey buddy! It's 10 in the morning! Don't you think you oughta change out of your pyjamas?

Sgt. Rodolfo 'Rudy' Reyes:
'afternoon, Sir. Beautiful day to get our war on.

Cpl. Gabe Garza:
Semper Gumbi- always flexible!

Gunnery Sgt. Mike 'Gunny' Wynn:
We need to make sure the stupidity in this company doesn't roll down too hard on our guys.

Navy Hm2 Robert Timothy 'Doc' Bryan:
PFC F***nuts! This is an enemy encampment.

Cpl. Evan 'Q-Tip' Stafford:
Bravo Three's commander. Should I shoot him?

Navy Hm2 Robert Timothy 'Doc' Bryan:
Don't waste your bullet.

Sgt. Brad 'Iceman' Colbert:
Thank you. Vote Republican.

Cpl. Gabe Garza:
Hey. There's kids holding hands.

Sgt. Brad 'Iceman' Colbert:
Oh cute. Don't shoot 'em, Garza.

Cpt. Dave 'Captain America' McGraw:
Shoot that f***ing dog!

Sgt. Eric Kocher:
Darnold, give it a piece of your jerky.

Lt. Nathaniel Fick:
Write this as you see it. I'm not here to stop you.

Navy Hm2 Robert Timothy 'Doc' Bryan:
Iraqi's first contact with America; we f*** 'em.

Cpl. Jeffrey 'Dirty Earl' Carisalez:
To think I believed the judge when he told me the Marine Corps was a superior alternative to jail. I should have shut up and done my time.

Sgt. Maj. John Sixta:
You mockin' the groomin' standard, Stafford?

Sgt. Brad 'Iceman' Colbert:
You know, Poke, guys in black pyjamas did alreight in Vietnam, too. You gotta respect the pyjama.

Cpl. Josh Ray Person:
Hey Walt, can you keep it down? I'm having trouble hearing the artillery.

Cpl. Josh Ray Person:
Lieutenant... have you gotten any word?

Lt. Nathaniel Fick:
I only get what's passed on to me from Godfather, and the only word he gets is from the BBC. If we're lucky, Saddam will back down, let the inspectors in, and we can go home. The important thing is we are doing our jobs by being here. All of you should be proud.

Cpl. Josh Ray Person:
Sir, that's not the word I was asking about. I was... we wanted to know if you knew anything about J-Lo being killed.

Lt. Nathaniel Fick:
[pause] Ray, the battalion commander offered no sitrep as to J-Lo's status.

Cpl. Josh Ray Person:
When my band opened up for Limp Bizkit in Kansas City, we f***in' sucked. But then again, so did they. The only difference is that they became famous, and I became a Marine.

Lance Cpl. Harold James Trombley:
Hey Pers, didn't your mom put your picture up on the Wal-mart Wall Of Heroes?

Cpl. Josh Ray Person:
Yep. My grandma did when I went to Afghanistan. I'm on the Nevada, Missouri Wal-mart Wall Of Heroes. I even got my dress blues on.

Sgt. Brad 'Iceman' Colbert:
If my mother ever distributed my likeness without written authorization, I would disown her.

Cpl. Josh Ray Person:
Technically speaking, Brad, but... didn't your biological parents disown you when they put you up for adoption?

Sgt. Brad 'Iceman' Colbert:
Point, Ray. I was one of those unfortunates adopted by upper middle-class professionals and nurtured in an environment of learning, art and a socio-religious culture steeped in more than 2000 years of Talmudic tradition. Not everyone is lucky enough to have been raised in a whiskey tango trailer park by a bow-legged female whose sole qualification for motherhood is a womb that happened to catch a sperm of a passing truck driver.

Cpl. Josh Ray Person:
At least my mom took me to NASCAR!

Lance Cpl. Harold James Trombley:
...Your dad's a truck driver?

Sgt. Larry Shawn 'Pappy' Patrick:
Can you imagine what the doctors would make of Ray Person?

Sgt. Brad 'Iceman' Colbert:
Need I remind you he is the best damn R.T.O. in the business? As long as you keep him away from your uglier daughters and your smaller livestock.

Cpl. Josh Ray Person:
Brad get up.

Sgt. Brad 'Iceman' Colbert:
56 minutes. I've been asleep for 56 minutes.

Cpl. Josh Ray Person:
Team leader meeting.

Sgt. Brad 'Iceman' Colbert:
56 minutes and just one dream.

Cpl. Josh Ray Person:
At least you got to dream.

Sgt. Brad 'Iceman' Colbert:
I dreamt I was in Iraq.

Cpl. Josh Ray Person:
Were you naked?

Cpl. Josh Ray Person:
All Hitman victors, this is 2-1. Is it at all possible for ANY of you to back up?

Sgt. Leandro 'Shady B' Baptista:
[speaking Spanish]

Cpl. Josh Ray Person:
Goddamn Baptista! How the f*** would he like it if I joined the Brazilian Marines and only spoke English?

Meesh:
[Reading a dead syrian's passport] Purpose for entering Iraq... Jihad.

Sgt. Brad 'Iceman' Colbert:
If my mother ever distributed my likeness without written authorization I would disown her.

Cpl. Josh Ray Person:
Technically speaking Brad, but didn't your biological parents disown you when they put you up for adoption?

Sgt. Brad 'Iceman' Colbert:
Point Ray, I was one of those unfortunates adopted by upper middle class professionals, nurtured in an environment of Learning, Art and a socioreligious culture steeped in two thousand years of Talmudic tradition, not everyone is lucky enough have been raised in Whiskey Tango trailer park, by a bull legged female who's sole qualification for motherhood is a womb that happened to catch sperm from a passing truck driver.

Cpl. Josh Ray Person:
At least my mom took me to Nascar...

Evan 'Scribe' Wright:
Sergeant Colbert, I was thinking. Those trees behind us, what if the guys who fired at us were in them?

Sgt. Brad 'Iceman' Colbert:
Much as I appreciate Rolling Stone's tactical input, I'm confident in the birds.

Evan 'Scribe' Wright:
Birds?

Cpl. Gabe Garza:
Anything moves in those trees, the birds don't sing.

Lance Cpl. Harold James Trombley:
See Sergeant, we do shoot dogs in Iraq.

Sgt. Brad 'Iceman' Colbert:
Stay Frosty.

Sgt. Brad 'Iceman' Colbert:
Where the f*** have you been? You haven't said two words since Baghdad.

Cpl. Josh Ray Person:
Ran out of Ripped Fuel.

Cpl. Josh Ray Person:
It looks like vodka. I think it's a kind of gin.

Lt. Nathaniel Fick:
It's the kind that doesn't come out when officers and senior NCO's are present.

Cpl. Josh Ray Person:
Aye Aye.

Sgt. Brad 'Iceman' Colbert:
All this religion aside, people who can't kill will always be subject to those who can.

Cpl. Daniel Redman:
You know the military can f*** up anything. They can even make going to the beach suck. But one thing that ain't overrated is combat. You take rounds, you shoot back, stuff blowing up. F***ing sensory overload.

Cpl. Josh Ray Person:
I'm on the Nevada, Missouri Wal-Mart Wall of heroes. Even got my dress blues on.

Sgt. Brad 'Iceman' Colbert:
If my mother ever distributes my likeness without written authorization, I would disown her

Cpl. Josh Ray Person:
Technically speaking, Brad, but didn't your biological parent disown you when the put you up for adoption?

Cpl. Josh Ray Person:
Point, Ray. I was one of those unfortunates adopted by upper-middle-class professionals and nurtured in an environment of learning, art, and socio-religious culture steeped in over two thousand years of Talmudic tradition. Not everyone is lucky enough to have been raised in a Whiskey Tango trailer park by a bowlegged female whose sole qualification for motherhood is a womb that happened to catch a sperm of a passing truck diver. [Colbert gets out of Humvee]

Cpl. Josh Ray Person:
At least my mom took me to NASCAR!

Cpl. Walt Hasser:
[At night, the platoon is preparing for an attack from the oncoming Iraqi army] They're movin'. You can see it.

Cpl. Josh Ray Person:
So, we're unsupplied, twenty-four hours ahead of the next nearest Marine and now the Iraqi army has found us. I like the plan, Brad. It works for me.

Sgt. Brad 'Iceman' Colbert:
[Colbert looks at the 'Iraqi army'] Its a town. And it ain't movin'.

Cpl. Walt Hasser:
Are you sure?

Sgt. Brad 'Iceman' Colbert:
It's autokinesis: seeing involuntary muscle movements of your own eyes. Those lights aren't going to come any closer than they are. It's a f***in' town. Thirty or forty kliks out there at least. How far out did Alpha call this?

Cpl. Walt Hasser:
Fifteen kliks.

Sgt. Brad 'Iceman' Colbert:
[to an approaching Poke Espera] It's bullshit. There's no armor.

Sgt. Antonio 'Poke' Espera:
There's no armor?

[They watch as bombs hit the empty space fifteen kliks away]

Cpl. Josh Ray Person:
Well, apparently the United States Air Force thinks Brad Colbert is full of sh*t.

Cpl. Josh Ray Person:
Brad! Check this motherf***in' crib out! Haji be pimpin', yo.

Sgt. Antonio 'Poke' Espera:
Naw, naw, naw, Brad. You cannot say that you like Pocahontas. The genocide of my people is turned into a cartoon musical? With a singing raccoon? I mean, think about it, Dog. The real story of Pocahontas is about a bunch of white boys who come to my land, bribe the corrupt Indian chief, kill off all the warriors and f*** the Indian princess silly. Would the white man make a story about Auschwitz, where the inmate falls in love with the guard and they go off singing love songs with dancing swastikas?

Lance Cpl. Harold James Trombley:
My great grandfather killed Indians. Up in Michigan. For money.

Sgt. Antonio 'Poke' Espera:
Trombley, you are the first white motherf***er to say something like that to me. Back in the fishing village where I'm from, Los Angeles, most white motherf***ers that talk about their people, they say they got a Native American ancestor. Pretend to be down with me. But here you are coming the other way.

Sgt. Brad 'Iceman' Colbert:
Poke, what the f*** are you anyway? Your wife is half white, you talk like you're black, most of your friends are f***ing white, and every once in a while, when you feel like it, you throw in with the Indians. Is it just that you're whatever race happens to be cool at the moment?

Sgt. Antonio 'Poke' Espera:
You got a point, Dog. I don't hang out with Mexicans. Mexicans got $20,000 stereos, lots of guns and every time I go into a liquor store with one, I'm afraid we're gonna rob the place. Mexicans are scary motherf***ers.

Cpl. Josh Ray Person:
What the f*** does any of this have to do with jerking off?

Cpt. Craig 'Encino Man' Schwetje:
It was the enemy who stole your food from you, and you should be really, really mad at them. Before we step off on this next mission, I'm reminding you of who your enemy is. The enemy.

Cpl. Ray Person:
[in response to a child's letter] Dear Frederick, thank you for your nice letter, but I am actually a US Marine who was born to kill, whereas clearly you seem to have mistaken me for some sort of wine sipping, communist dick suck. And although peace probably appeals to tree hugging bi-sexuals like you and your parents, I happen to be a death-dealing, blood-crazed warrior who wakes up every day just hoping for the chance to dismember my enemies and defile their civilizations. Peace sucks a hairy a**hole, Freddy. War is the mother-f***ing answer.

Cpl. Ray Person:
Yeah, get some!

Cpl. Ray Person:
This whole thing comes down to p*ssy! You take the Republican Guard and comp their asses for a week in Vegas. No f***ing war!

Sgt. Larry Shawn 'Pappy' Patrick:
We all have a job to do. Sgt Maj. Sixta's job is being an a**hole... and he excels at it.

Lt. Col. Stephen 'Godfather' Ferrando:
The general has asked this battalion to be America's shocktroops, and Godfather can't tell the General 'We don't do windows'.

Sgt. Tony 'Poke' Espera:
All these other grunts look up to Recon like we're cold blooded warriors. We're carnivorous mother-f***ers dawg!

Sgt. Brad 'Iceman' Colbert:
Wake up Trombley. You're missing the invasion.

Evan 'Scribe' Wright:
AAA batteries, dip, Skoal, Copenhagen, baby wipes, flavored pringles in a can and adult diapers. As requested. Why do you need me to get all of this stuff?

Sgt. Brad 'Iceman' Colbert:
In the infinite wisdom to whoever runs the military post exchange store, they won't sell this stuff in quantity to military personnel. But, for civilians like yourself, the sky is the limit.

Evan 'Scribe' Wright:
And why is that?

Cpl. Josh Ray Person:
To Keep us angry. If Marines could get what they needed when they needed it we would be happy and wouldn't ready to kill people all of the time. The Marine Corps is like America's Pitbull. They beat us, mistreat us and every once in awhile, they let us out to attack someone.

Evan 'Scribe' Wright:
Why are we going to a PX at an Army Camp?

Cpl. Josh Ray Person:
Marines don't need a PX. We are about to loot and pillage a country.

Cpl. Josh Ray Person:
I love you Fruity Rudy!

Lance Cpl. Harold James Trombley:
Sergeant, are we there yet?

Cpl. Josh Ray Person:
Hey, War Scribe. Do you want some dip? The first couple times I dipped I puked a little. But, as long as you don't get it in Brad's Humvee, we won't mind.

Sgt. Maj. John Sixta:
Do you read me Sgt Patrick? You has 'til O'dark hundred to unf*** yourself.

Cpl. Evan 'Q-Tip' Stafford:
Yo reporter, what are you wearing man

Evan 'Scribe' Wright:
Boxers. Why?

Cpl. Evan 'Q-Tip' Stafford:
It's going to be hot maggot. Me? I'm free-ballin all the way to Baghdad.

Sgt. Brad 'Iceman' Colbert:
Trombley, why are you wasting food?

Lance Cpl. Harold James Trombley:
I'm going to shoot me a dog.

Sgt. Brad 'Iceman' Colbert:
No Trombley you aren't. We don't shoot dogs, we shoot people.

Sgt. Brad 'Iceman' Colbert:
Our first contact with armed Iraqis and we wave them off like b*tches.

Cpl. Gabe Garza:
I had a beautiful head shot.

Sgt. Rodolfo 'Rudy' Reyes:
We all did brother.

Cpl. Josh Ray Person:
You know what happens when you get out of the Marine Corps? You get your brains back.

Cpl. Ray Person:
Look at this sh*t, how come we can't ever invade a cool country, like chicks in bikinis, you know, how come counties like that don't ever need Marines, I'll tell you why, it's lack of p*ssy that f***s countries up, lack of p*ssy is the root f***ing cause of all global instability, if more hajis were getting quality p*ssy, there'd be no reason for us to come over and f*** em up like this, cause a nutbusting haji, is a happy haji.

Sgt. Brad 'Iceman' Colbert:
Ray, how much ripped fuel have you ingested.

Cpl. Ray Person:
I'm on it like a mother f***er Brad, haha!...

Sgt. Brad 'Iceman' Colbert:
Well, no more of that sh*t...

Evan 'Scribe' Wright:
An interesting theory though.

Cpl. Ray Person:
Yeah, yeah, you should quote me on it, you know what, you should definitely quote me on it, this whole thing comes down to p*ssy! Look, if you take the Republican Guard and comp their asses for a week in Vegas, no f***ing war!

Evan 'Scribe' Wright:
So the war is not about oil or WMDs.

Cpl. Ray Person:
No, in the opinion of this Marine, its about p*ssy.

Evan 'Scribe' Wright:
And its not about Saddam.

Cpl. Ray Person:
No, Saddam is just part of the problem, if Saddam invested more in the p*ssy infrastructure of Iraq than he did in his f***ing gay ass army, then this country would be no more f***ed up than say, Mexico.

Sgt. Brad 'Iceman' Colbert:
Ray, please shut up... thank you.

Sgt. Antonio 'Poke' Espera:
People been fighting over this b*tch since ancient times, Dog. How many graves we standing on? Think about all the wisdom and science and money and civilization it took to build these machines, and the courage of all the men who came here, and the love of their wives and children that was in their hearts. And all that hate, Dog. All the hate it took to blow these motherf***ers away. It's destiny, Dog. White man's gotta rule the world.

Cpt. Craig 'Encino Man' Schwetje:
Check it out, I taped my windows so I could turn my laptop on without enemies seeing the light. Cool, huh?

Cpl. Josh Ray Person:
Dear Frederick. Thank you for your nice letter but I am actually a U.S. Marine who was born to kill, whereas you have clearly mistaken me for some sort of wine-sipping-communist dick-suck. And although peace probably appeals to tree-loving bisexuals like you and your parents, I happen to be a death-dealing, blood-crazed warrior who wakes up every day just hoping for the chance to dismember my enemies and defile their civilizations. Peace sucks a hairy a**hole, Freddie. War, is the motherf***ing answer.

Sgt. Maj. John Sixta:
Your president is watchin'! Amerikee is watchin'! But more important: Godfather is watchin'! Make no mistake: There! Will! Be! No! F***-ups! Marines around this world, would gives their left nuts to be, where you are! Anybody not want to go?

Marines:
NO SERGEANT MAJOR!

Sgt. Maj. John Sixta:
Marines: kill on three. One! Two! Three!

Marines:
KILL!

Cpl. Josh Ray Person:
Yeah, looks like Saddam's big bad Republican Guard hajjis got wind I was coming. As the great warrior-poet Ice Cube once said, 'If the day does not require an AK, it is good.'

Sgt. Larry Shawn 'Pappy' Patrick:
Sir, has any thought been given to destroying the weapons and ordnance that are sitting over there?

Lt. Nathaniel Fick:
Actually that did come up. But it seems the battalion's supply of C-4 is now unaccounted for. The battalion supply truck that we left last night, it is a smoldering heap of twisted metal and failed hopes in the trustworthiness of Iraqis we are striving so hard to liberate.

Sgt. Steven Lovell:
What does that mean, sir?

Lt. Nathaniel Fick:
It means we're on one meal a day.

Lance Cpl. Harold James Trombley:
Look, I didn't mean to shoot innocent camels, all right? I'm sure I shot people.

Cpl. Josh Ray Person:
I mean seriously, homes, why would our Iraqi brethren want 400 pounds of C-4, claymores and crates of M-16s? I mean, it just doesn't make any sense. Oh, wait! You know, they could be using all that C-4 for, like, a giant 4th of July celebration. What do you think, Brad?

Sgt. Brad 'Iceman' Colbert:
I think it's time for you to shut the f*** up.

Gunnery Sgt. Ray 'Casey Kasem' Griego:
Sergeant, yesterday we had a trial by fire. I want you to know, Brad, that I'm here for you and your men. Are there any combat stress reactions anyone needs to talk about? Remember, I'm certified combat stress instructor.

Sgt. Brad 'Iceman' Colbert:
No, we're good, Gunny. But we would be a lot better if you were getting us the gun lube and batteries we need. That might do it for my combat stress.

Lt. Nathaniel Fick:
You want logistics, join the army. Marines make do.

Cpl. Josh Ray Person:
Right! 'Cause we're gonna drive 40 kliks off-road in the dark to an airfield with Republican guard on it by ourselves. And they say I did to much acid in high school.

Cpl. Gabe Garza:
Sergeant, I just lost my helmet.

Sgt. Antonio 'Poke' Espera:
What you wanna do, hold a funeral?

Sgt. Brad 'Iceman' Colbert:
If they'd stick around and manned those we'd have been dead before we've even saw.

Cpl. Josh Ray Person:
Dude... lighten up.

Sgt. Brad 'Iceman' Colbert:
Then again the world wouldn't have to deal with the prospect of you returning to your cretinous, daughter f***ing, trailer park, red state shithole, and producing mutant, whiskey tango, scrotum faced, buck toothed, zit exploding progeny.

Cpl. Josh Ray Person:
Damn sucka! I just got some! Look at me, Brad! I'm a man now, just like you. Except I don't look like a f*ggot and talk all educated.

Lt. Nathaniel Fick:
Most people in America right now think of Iraq as a dangerous country. Now, if I were to stand up, I might get killed. But to us, behind this wheel it's pretty safe. So to us, Iraq is a safe country. Right here, I feel pretty safe. Do you feel safe?

Evan 'Scribe' Wright:
Pretty safe, I guess.

Lt. Nathaniel Fick:
See? It's all relative.

Lt. Nathaniel Fick:
Present for you. LSA. Scammed some off the guys in RCT-1.

Sgt. Brad 'Iceman' Colbert:
Sir, not to get homoerotic about this, but I could kiss you.

Cpl. Josh Ray Person:
[Colbert is running around a field with his arms outstretched like an airplane] What did you like give him some Rolling Stone drugs or something?

Evan 'Scribe' Wright:
I don't know.

Cpl. Josh Ray Person:
What the f*** did you do to him?

Evan 'Scribe' Wright:
Just asked him what he would be if he wasn't a Marine.

Cpl. Josh Ray Person:
Oh my god, he wants to be a ballerina? That's my f***ing dream!

Lt. Nathaniel Fick:
Walt, finish your report, get it to me asap. You did nothing wrong, but... we're gonna see if there's a better way to stop these cars.

Cpl. Josh Ray Person:
Walt's got a great way, LT. Shoot the driver, stop the car.

Sgt. Maj. John Sixta:
You're inappropriatin' your chemical filtration device by attempting fornication with it! Jesus, do I have to tell you not to desecrate your mask with perversions?

Lance Cpl. Harold James Trombley:
Sh*t, man, they're taking everything.

Cpl. Josh Ray Person:
Yeah, they're pretty much liberated around here.

Sgt. Brad 'Iceman' Colbert:
Ray, stay focused. We have a mission.

Cpl. Josh Ray Person:
Yeah, some mission..."cross the magic line."

Cpl. Anthony 'Manimal' Jacks:
Hitman 2-3 this is Hitman 2-2. Er... over.

Unknown Marine on Comms:
Manimal you are no longer allowed to touch the headset. Over.

Cpl. Anthony 'Manimal' Jacks:
...Yeah, you're right. Over.

Cpl. Anthony 'Manimal' Jacks:
[There is a load crash in the background] F***!

Sgt. Antonio Espera:
Yo, Manimal just dropped a case of grenades.

Cpl. James Chaffin:
See? That's why we can't have nice things.

Cpl. Josh Ray Person:
So check this. Maybe our cammies aren't really green. Maybe we're so sleep deprived that we actually never noticed that it's desert beige. You know how sometimes things look different when you're so tired? Like the sun. It looks red when it's actually yellow.

Lance Cpl. Harold James Trombley:
How about James Alvarez Trombley?

Cpl. Josh Ray Person:
That's stupid.

Lance Cpl. Harold James Trombley:
You're stupid!

Lance Cpl. Harold James Trombley:
You got something against marriage, sarge?

Cpl. Josh Ray Person:
Brad got dumped.

Sgt. Brad 'Iceman' Colbert:
My sweetheart since junior high dumps me and marries my best friend since junior high. And the best part about it? We're still all friends. They're that kind of happy couple that likes to hang photos of themselves all over their goddamn house. Sometimes I just go over there to see my ex-fiancee doing the things that I used to do with her with my best friends. It's nice having friends.

Sgt. Antonio 'Poke' Espera:
What's the population?

Lt. Nathaniel Fick:
About 400,000.

Sgt. Antonio 'Poke' Espera:
[after explosion goes off in nearby town] Scratch a few off of that number.

Cpl. Josh Ray Person:
Hassert tried to kill himself!

Cpl. Walt Hasser:
Thanks to your driving!

Doc Bryan:
Where did we get that so-called translator?

Lt. Nathaniel Fick:
He told me he worked for General Mattis.

Evan 'Scribe' Wright:
He told me he worked for the CIA.

Sgt. Brad 'Iceman' Colbert:
Back at Mathilda, he said he could hook me up with a free satellite TV.

Lance Cpl. Harold James Trombley:
Sergeant, I didn't get to shoot!

Cpl. Josh Ray Person:
That f***ing sucks, Trombley. Did your recruiting officer tell you you'd get to shoot people?

Lance Cpl. Harold James Trombley:
F***ing A he did!

Cpl. Josh Ray Person:
See, Trombley asked about shooting people. I asked about p*ssy. The guy told me I'd get to go to Thailand and get all kinds of strange. What'd you ask about, Brad? Brad probably saw that T.V. commercial, the one with the knight that f***s up the dragon that turns into the Marine.

Cpl. Walt Hasser:
Woo woo! Dress blues with a sword!

Cpl. Josh Ray Person:
F***ing dress blues commercial man. That got so many f***ing dudes. Now look at us: Trombley hasn't killed anybody, I'm half a world away from good Thai p*ssy, and Colbert is out here rolling around f***butt Iraq hunting for dragons in a MOPP suit that smells like four days of piss and ball sweat.

Cpl. Josh Ray Person:
[to Brad] I see foot-mobiles. 12 o'clock, a 100 metres. Damn! Brad! They're f***ing hotties! I didn't know hajis could be hotties. I thought they were all camel-faced hags. [to the haji hotties] As-salaam alaykum, ladies. [to Brad] Damn, homey. Better than when I was in my band!

Sgt. Brad 'Iceman' Colbert:
'Cause they haven't heard you play.

Maj. Gen. James 'Chaos' Mattis:
The question here is, why the f*** am I standing here looking at a f***ing bridge that doesn't have my Marines rolling accross it?... Not only "no," Colonel. But, "f***, no," okay? I don't give a rat's ass about the resistance in this city. Your mission is to punch through this city, put RCT One north of it where our objectives are. This is just a f***ing sideshow; you have seven-thousand Marine riflemen who have been ready to go for the past twenty-four hours, and you're staying here with your foot in your dick. No, check that! Not your dick; my dick!

Maj. Gen. James 'Chaos' Mattis:
God Father, hold your Marines back for now. When Colonel Dowdy here sees fit to unf*** himself and punch through this f***ing shithole, I turn First Recon loose.

Maj. Gen. James 'Chaos' Mattis:
God Father, hold your Marines back for now. When Colonel Dowdy here sees fit to unf*** himself and punch through this f***ing shithole, I'll turn First Recon loose.

Cpl. Josh Ray Person:
Man, I am so high from not sleeping. So check this out. Maybe they didn't issue the wrong color fatigues for the invasion. Maybe our blouses actually aren't green. Maybe they are desert beige. You know, like, sometimes, colors actually start to look different when you're so sleep deprived? Like the sun, it looks red, when it actually is yellow. You know, maybe our blouses aren't green. We're just so f***ing sleep deprived that that's the way that they look to us.

Sgt. Brad 'Iceman' Colbert:
Are you making this up?

Cpl. Josh Ray Person:
F*** yeah, I'm making this up. Passes the time, brother!

Lance Cpl. Harold James Trombley:
Sargent, I didn't get to shoot.

Cpl. Josh Ray Person:
That f***ing sucks Trombley, did your recruiting officer tell you'd get to shoot people?

Lance Cpl. Harold James Trombley:
F***ing A he did.

Cpl. Josh Ray Person:
See Trombley asked about shooting people. I asked about p*ssy, the guy told me I'd get to go to Thailand and get all kinds of strange. What did you ask about Brad?

Cpl. Josh Ray Person:
Brad probably saw that TV-commercial, the one with the knight that f***s up the dragon then turns into a marine.

Cpl. James Chaffin:
Whohoo, dress blues with a sword!

Cpl. Josh Ray Person:
F***ing dress blues commercial, that got so many f***ing guys. And now look at us! Trombley hasn't killed anybody, I am half a world away for good tight p*ssy, and Colbert is out here rolling around f*** butt Iraq hunting for dragons in a MOPP suit that smells like 4 days of piss and ball sweat.

Cpl. Josh Ray Person:
You should have rolled into combat with a sword Brad, that would have f***ing rocked.

Cpl. Josh Ray Person:
[about Baptista] He's not even a citizen. He snuck in from whatever greaseball country he's from and now he's a marine. You know, there should be at least some grammar tests before you're out here, blowing sh*t up with heavy weapons.

Sgt. Brad 'Iceman' Colbert:
If they did that, f***ing buck-toothed, cross-eyed, sister f***ing hicks like you wouldn't get in either.

Sgt. Brad 'Iceman' Colbert:
Man, I am so high from not sleeping... So check this out. Maybe they didn't issue the wrong color fatigues for the invasion. Maybe our blouses actually aren't green. Maybe they are desert beige. You know, like, sometimes, colors actually start to look different when you're so sleep deprived? Like the sun, it looks red, when it actually is yellow. You know, maybe our blouses aren't green. We're just so f***ing sleep deprived that that's the way that they look to us.

Cpl. Josh Ray Person:
[looks at him weird] Are you making this up?

Sgt. Brad 'Iceman' Colbert:
F*** yeah, I'm making this up. Passes the time, brother!

"Foot mobile, 100 yards... haji hotties! Never knew hajis' got hotties... Asalamalaikum layydies?