Girl Meets World

[theme song]

Maya Hart, Riley Matthews:
I've been waiting for a day like this to come. Struck like lightning, my heart's beating like a drum on the edge of something wonderful. Face to face with changes, what's it all about? Life is crazy, but I know I can work it out, 'cause I got you to live it with me. I feel all right, I'm gonna take on the world! Light up the stars, I've got some pages to turn. I'm singing "oh oh oh, oh oh oh oh." Take on the world, take on the world, take on the world, take on the world, take on the world, take on the world.

[first lines]

Cory Matthews:
The 60s, man. Influential musicians like Bob Dylan and Joan Baez. Playing guitars and singing like prophets. The times, they were a-changin'! [one of the students falls asleep]

Farkle Minkus:
The class, they are a-sleepin'!

Cory Matthews:
I'm talkin' about the 60's, man!

Riley Matthews:
Nobody cares about when you were our age.

Cory Matthews:
Riley, it was over fifty years ago. How old do you guys think I am?

Lucas Friar:
There's no right answer to this, sir.

Maya Hart:
History has nothing to with us.

Cory Matthews:
I'm gonna snap this chalk now.

Lucas Friar:
Uh-oh.

Cory Matthews:
[snaps his chalk] Snap! What did you guys do yesterday?

Riley Matthews:
I think I had grapes.

Cory Matthews:
Do you know what yesterday was?

Riley Matthews:
Grapes Day!

Cory Matthews:
It's history. Every decision you make every day, every time you decide to turn left instead of right, you make history. And you affect someone else's. And if you refuse to learn that, I guarantee you you guys will not become the best person you can be. Because history is all about missed opportunities. "History has nothing to do with us," wasn't it, miss Hart?

Maya Hart:
Can't remember, it was like five minutes ago.

Lucas Friar:
My dad never said something about my great grandfather. We never talk about him much. His name was Merlin.

Farkle Minkus:
Merlin? Was he a wizard? Heh!

Lucas Friar:
Okay, Farkle Minkus, what was your great grandfather's name?

Farkle Minkus:
Ginsberg!

Lucas Friar:
[pauses briefly] You make no sense to me whatsoever.

Lucas Friar:
[does a one eighty] Hello, I'm Lucas Friar. My great grandpa used to do that. He was a man named Merlin Scoggins. And this record was a big hit.

Cory Matthews:
That's amazing, Lucas. Why didn't you ever tell us any of that?

Lucas Friar:
[sarcastically] Yeah! I'm gonna tell Maya that I have a country singing great grandpa and that I actually do come from cowboys. Yeah, because I need more nicknames to go with Hopalong, Sundance, and Ranger Rick.

Maya Hart:
No, I am done with that. I am so impressed with your rich Texas heritage that I am officially throwing out all of those nicknames forever.

Lucas Friar:
Well, thank you, Maya.

Maya Hart:
No problem, Bucky McBoeing Boeing.

Merlin Scoggins:
Well, thank you all for your kind words, and I'll be on my way.

Rosie McGee:
Oh! Do you have to go? [flashes her eyebrows at him]

Merlin Scoggins:
I try not to stay anyplace too long. Especially when people do that.

Farkle Minkus:
[taking a picture of Riley, Maya and Lucas] That's gotta be worth something to somebody someday.

Riley Matthews:
I am a continuation. That's what history's about. Right, Dad?

Cory Matthews:
Oh! Now I get it!

Farkle Minkus:
Maya, what did you learn about your great grandmother?

Maya Hart:
Nothing, my mom said to leave it alone. I don't know anything.

Farkle Minkus:
You know, Maya. You're not a puzzle to me at all. You bought it back and sniffed around, didn't you?

Maya Hart:
No.

Farkle Minkus:
What did you find?

Maya Hart:
No.

Farkle Minkus:
Tell me her name. Say it, or I will.

Maya Hart:
[mumbles] May Clutterbucket. [Farkle and Lucas both lean in]

Farkle Minkus:
What?

Maya Hart:
[ashamed] I come from a long line of Clutterbuckets.

Lucas Friar:
Oh, this is the greatest day of my life!

Riley Matthews:
Whatcha lookin' at?

Maya Hart:
Art book. Miss Kossal gave it to me. It's got all the best artists and their best paintings. It's amazing... and depressing.

Farkle Minkus:
She's trying to motivate you.

Maya Hart:
Ain't workin'! Look at these. I could never do anything near this. These people have all got something to say.

Lucas Friar:
Well, you only know that because they went ahead and said it.

Maya Hart:
You know, someday you're gonna make somebody a wonderful fortune cookie.

Merlin Scoggins:
[to Rosie] You keep writin' down those observations.

Merlin Scoggins:
[to May] And you... you keep playin'.

May Clutterbucket:
What? My new song? Why bother trying, I'll never be as good as you guys.

Rosie McGee:
That's a very discouraging title.

May Clutterbucket:
[to Merlin] You have something to say.

Merlin Scoggins:
Well, now, you only know that because I went ahead and said it. [greets them with his cowboy hat and leaves]

Riley Matthews:
[gives Maya a guitar] This has been in my family for over fifty years. But I feel like it belongs with you. So I hope that whenever you see it, it will remind you that even though Rosie's friend gave up, you never should. [Maya looks touched for a moment, before clearly getting an idea. She looks at Lucas with a smug look on her face]

Lucas Friar:
[realizing] Oh, no...

Maya Hart:
[starts playing a tune, imitating Merlin Scoggins] Hello, I'm Bucky McBoeing Boeing. [starts singing] I got a great granddad who's a Ranger Rick, and a Hopalong, and a Sundance too. Everybody!

Maya Hart, Classmates:
I got a great granddad who's a Ranger Rick, and a Hopalong, and a Sundance too!

Farkle Minkus:
Ladies and gentlemen... I have achieved time travel! Thank you. I am Farkle.

[first lines]

Riley Matthews:
You know why it's a great day?

Maya Hart:
For you? Because it's a day.

Lucas Friar:
They burned Joan of Arc at the stake because they were afraid. Just like you're afraid that certain things can't be explained by science.

Farkle Minkus:
They were afraid because they believed in witches and superstitions, because they lacked the knowledge to diagnose her condition.

Lucas Friar:
Why do you have to call it a condition? She had a vision!

Farkle Minkus:
Well, you say vision, but you know, vision's properly diagnosed by medical professionals as 'woo'!

Lucas Friar:
Farkle, you did it. What I believe... all wrong. I really respect how you and your scientific mind have changed me. Oh, either that, or... [makes a fart noise with his mouth]

Lucas Friar:
[watches Riley looking at pictures of her and Maya] You know, it is possible that you're *too* close. [Riley gives him a murder gaze] Whoa...

Farkle Minkus:
I think Joan of Arc had a screw loose.

Maya Hart:
Yeah. She was just a goofball teenage girl that just wanted to show what she thought about things.

Farkle Minkus:
Sounds like someone we know. Sounds like deep down, you admire her.

Maya Hart:
No... I don't admire her, I don't miss her, and I am quite enjoying my me time. [slight pause] I miss her... I love her... What'd you do to me, Farkle? [stands up]

Farkle Minkus:
Where are you going?

Maya Hart:
To the airport! You ruined my whole vacation! [fakes being on an airplane, and then at the 'airport', she sees Riley holding up a sign that says her name followed by a heart. They squeal and hug each other]

Maya Hart:
Hi, Peaches, you're back! What'd you bring me?

Maya Hart:
Nothing. Where's my dinner? [Riley picks up her phone, and they take a selfie]

Riley Matthews:
Oh, that's not good. Whaaat?

Maya Hart:
Lucas, what is it that makes people like her and you to have faith in a higher power? Riley of Arc is trying to push me there, but I'm just not the type of person that likes to be pushed, you know?

Lucas Friar:
[laughs] Yeah, I've noticed. I don't think you can be pushed into something this important anyway. Even by Riley.

Maya Hart:
Yeah, Joan of Arc thought that she had a voice in her head.

Lucas Friar:
[laughs again] Yeah. Look, don't expect it to be big, loud and obvious. For me, most of what I believe, comes to me when it's quiet.

Maya Hart:
Yeah? I don't get a lot of quiet. What do you do?

Lucas Friar:
I don't know. You just... you just listen.

Auggie Matthews:
Daddy, you always protect me, right?

Cory Matthews:
Don't you have faith in us, Bubba?

Auggie Matthews:
I do. So I'm safe?

Topanga Matthews:
You are. You live in a place where no one is gonna hurt you for saying your prayers out loud.

Auggie Matthews:
What? Oh... I wasn't praying. I mean, I do pray. I pray, in the bathtub, I pray that I won't get sucked down the drain.

Cory Matthews:
Well, it's working for ya.

Topanga Matthews:
Wait, so Auggie, who have you been talking to?

Auggie Matthews:
Mrs. Svorski. I'm worried she doesn't have anyone to talk to anymore.

Cory Matthews:
Auggie, you know what? She's got people up there that love her. And she's got you down here. Don't worry, she's covered.

Auggie Matthews:
So I can still talk to her? It helps me not miss her so much.

Cory Matthews:
Any time you want.

Topanga Matthews:
Please say hi for us.

Auggie Matthews:
I will.

Farkle Minkus:
We are somehow surrounded by the people we need in our lives. They're right in front of me. I can see them. I don't know how it happened that the four of us are here together in this place at this time right now. That part is a mystery to me. But I'm grateful that it happened.

Maya Hart:
[Riley and Maya are sitting in the bay window in Riley's room] I said a prayer last night.

Riley Matthews:
Can I say, "Yay"?

Maya Hart:
It was real quiet. I was alone in my bedroom looking out my window. All those people in all those buildings, I just... I wanted them to be taken care of.

Riley Matthews:
I love you.

Maya Hart:
You were in my prayer last night, too, and my mom.

Riley Matthews:
Ooh, what did you pray for me? No, no, don't tell me, that's between you...

Maya Hart:
I want you to have an endless supply of great days.

Riley Matthews:
Thank you. What did you pray for yourself?

Maya Hart:
[in an "I'm not important" sort of tone] Me? Nothing. I would never bug Him about me.

Riley Matthews:
Gee. I always bug him about me. [Riley is silent for a few seconds] I like what you believe, Maya.

Maya Hart:
I know.

Riley Matthews:
[leans head on Maya's shoulder] I will always have a lot to learn.

Cory Matthews:
You're late, Ms. Myzell.

Myzell:
My goldfish died.

Lucas Friar:
Sir, if I might take a different position?

Cory Matthews:
Yeah, say me, Mr. Friar, do I go too far?

Lucas Friar:
Always, sir.

Farkle Minkus:
Farkle time, sir?

Cory Matthews:
[genuinely] Oh, I love Farkle time.

Lucas Friar:
Riley?

Riley Matthews:
Lucas?

Lucas Friar:
I've never told this to anybody before.

Riley Matthews:
Yeah?

Lucas Friar:
I think someday I might like to be a vegenarian.

Riley Matthews:
That's cool, too.

Lucas Friar:
All right, Farkle, let's see what you got. [throws a basketball towards him. Farkle does not react and gets hit by the basketball, falling over] I quit.

Farkle Minkus:
I will not fail this assignment... [steps on a basketball and falls backwards]

Lucas Friar:
I quit again.

Farkle Minkus:
Every sport is the same. Being good at sports is just a matter of physics.

Lucas Friar:
Don't you mess up America's most favorite thing with America's least favorite thing!

Farkle Minkus:
I've never even understood this game. You run around the bases and try to get home, right?

Lucas Friar:
Yeah.

Farkle Minkus:
Well, why do you need the other bases?

Lucas Friar:
Because you can't get home until you've run all of them.

Farkle Minkus:
But the quickest way between two points is a straight line.

Lucas Friar:
You wanna get rid of the bases?

Farkle Minkus:
Yeah, game's over sooner and we can all get back to physics.

Lucas Friar:
Farkle, not everyone lives for theories and numbers.

Farkle Minkus:
Well, they should. Come here. [picks up a basketball, and he and Lucas go to the other side of the basketball court] Shoot.

Lucas Friar:
[snorts] That's a waste of time. It's an impossible shot.

Farkle Minkus:
Running the bases is a waste of time. This impossible shot... [calculates perfect angles in his head, then helps Lucas with his position]

Lucas Friar:
Oh...

Farkle Minkus:
...is not impossible at all.

Lucas Friar:
I don't know, Farkle...

Farkle Minkus:
Shoot it. [Lucas shoots the ball. It goes in a perfect angle straight into the hoop]

Lucas Friar:
I believe everything you say now.

Jingles the Clown:
You know what this is?

Riley Matthews:
It's a pretty flower!

Maya Hart:
I think it's not.

Farkle Minkus:
All right, let's go out there and make some money! Cash, cabbage, cheddah-cheeze!

Cory Matthews:
Those are your values, Farkle?

Farkle Minkus:
What else should a company value but profits?

Lucas Friar:
Well, if I had a company, I'd treat my employees well and make sure we did right by our customers.

Farkle Minkus:
You are everything that's wrong with this country.

[last lines]

Lucas Friar:
Riley, if it's at all possible, I'd like to help out with your company.

Riley Matthews:
Aw, you're as sweet as sugar. [whispers something in Maya's ear, then leaves]

Maya Hart:
[turns to Lucas] Miss Matthews says you're fired. Huh-hurr! [Maya leaves as well]

Lucas Friar:
[beat] Yeah, I had that comin'.

Farkle Minkus:
Enjoy the taste of success, Riley. It's sweet.

Riley Matthews:
Not to me. I have a very bitter taste in my mouth.

Maya Hart:
You must have eaten one of ours.

Riley Matthews, Maya Hart, Lucas Friar, Farkle Minkus, Isaiah 'Zay' Babineaux:
[singing] Bomp, bomp, bomp Ba, da, da Bomp, bomp, bomp Ba, da, da Bomp, bomp, bomp Ba, da, da Bomp, bomp, bomp Ba, da, da Bomp, bomp, bomp Ba, da, da [Continued throughout the following]

Isaiah 'Zay' Babineaux:
[singing] Oh, Mr. Friar.

Lucas Friar:
[singing] Yes, Mr. Babineaux?

Isaiah 'Zay' Babineaux:
[singing] I like this room.

Lucas Friar:
[singing] This is a nice room.

Isaiah 'Zay' Babineaux:
[singing] So what do we do to a room if we want to kill the...

Lucas Friar:
[singing] A-R-T-S, Arts?

Isaiah 'Zay' Babineaux:
We do this. [Takes down two paintings]

Topanga Matthews:
Wait, your dance is Friday?

Riley Matthews:
You're doing that thing with your voice.

Topanga Matthews:
But Friday is the last night of the Coney Island Cyclone.

Riley Matthews:
But it's our first dance! And Dad takes me to ride the rollercoaster a bunch of times, right?

Topanga Matthews:
Your father thinks of it as a tradition.

Riley Matthews:
How bad is this?

Topanga Matthews:
Your father thinks of it as the reason he wakes up in the morning.

Riley Matthews:
Maybe he won't remember it this year.

Cory Matthews:
[bursting through the door] Three days 'til Cyclone Day!

Topanga Matthews:
When is my birthday?

Cory Matthews:
A hundred-and-forty-eight days from Cyclone Day!

Topanga Matthews:
[to Riley] Good luck to you.

Farkle Minkus:
Girls have it easy.

Lucas Friar:
Yeah. We gotta do all of the asking.

Farkle Minkus:
All they have to do is say "no."

Lucas Friar:
Well, they could say "yes."

Farkle Minkus:
They can do that?

Riley Matthews:
Do you remember your first date with Dad?

Topanga Matthews:
Aw. We were two years old we played in the playground. No, we were eight, and we caught fireflies. No, we were in sixth grade and we kissed against the lockers. No, we threw socks into a laundry basket. No, we fell into a llama pen at the zoo. No... that was his first date with Shawn.

Farkle Minkus:
The way I see it, I'm in an interesting position here.

Cory Matthews:
How do you figure, Farkle?

Farkle Minkus:
Let's approach this as a scientific equation. You're scared of Lucas going out with Riley, right?

Cory Matthews:
Oh, does it show?

Farkle Minkus:
Yeah, he's good looking and athletic.

Cory Matthews:
He's 36!

Cory Matthews:
You!

Lucas Friar:
[mimicking Cory] Me!

Cory Matthews:
Auggie's not home.

Lucas Friar:
Yeah, I'm not here to see Auggie.

Cory Matthews:
Riley's not home either.

Lucas Friar:
[she and Maya stands right behind Cory] Hi, Lucas.

Cory Matthews:
That's right, I lied right in yo' face!

Lucas Friar:
Mr. Matthews, would it be possible to speak to you alone?

Cory Matthews:
About homework?

Lucas Friar:
No.

Cory Matthews:
About a grade?

Lucas Friar:
No.

Cory Matthews:
Then this has nothing to do with me and you've come to the wrong place. Good day!

Lucas Friar:
Actually...

Cory Matthews:
I said good day, sir!

Lucas Friar:
But I need to talk to you.

Cory Matthews:
Is this about a historical event? I can only speak to you about historical events.

Lucas Friar:
Yes.

Cory Matthews:
Well, then go right ahead.

Lucas Friar:
I'm asking your permission to ask out your daughter.

Cory Matthews:
You tricked me!

Lucas Friar:
That's right, I lied right in yo' face.

Riley Matthews:
Lucas?

Lucas Friar:
[pauses] Go over there, Riley. Be with your best friend.

Riley Matthews:
But what about our date?

Lucas Friar:
I had a good time.

Riley Matthews:
I'm glad you were my first date.

[Riley recreates the first time she met Lucas, falling over him at the subway]

Riley Matthews:
Hi, I'm Riley. We were just talking about you.

Lucas Friar:
I'm Lucas.

Riley Matthews:
I love it. You know those moments we were talking about that we're going to remember forever?

Lucas Friar:
Yeah?

Riley Matthews:
This is one of them. [kisses Lucas briefly on the mouth]

Cory Matthews:
Gandhi. What'd he do?

Maya Hart:
Freed Ireland.

Cory Matthews:
Try again.

Maya Hart:
Freed Ireland.

Cory Matthews:
Freed India.

Maya Hart:
Before or after he freed Ireland?

Lucas Friar:
You were the one who did this to Farkle? Why would you do that to a guy like him?

Billy Ross:
I don't know. 'Cause he's a guy like him. You wanna let me go now? [Lucas doesn't let go of his grip]

Lucas Friar:
You are the nothing, Billy!

Maya Hart:
Lucas! Don't.

Lucas Friar:
I thought this was what you wanted, Maya.

Billy Ross:
What? She wanted you to pop me, Mr. Perfect? Well, I don't think that's what he's gonna do.

Lucas Friar:
[grins] Yeah! [remembers he is mad at Billy] No, that's what I'm gonna do!

Maya Hart:
[climbs onto Lucas' back] No! That's what he wants. He wants you to be like him.

Billy Ross:
Ah... You see, Lucas is like me. Living on a cloud of awesomeness, remember? Handshake?

Lucas Friar:
I don't like you like this. This isn't the Billy I know. And I wanna know why, and I wanna know now. And would you get off my back? [Maya finally gets off Lucas' back]

Billy Ross:
Come on, man. The Billy you know is your teammate. And that comes way before whatever these guys are to you.

Riley Matthews:
"These guys"?

Lucas Friar:
Why are you wrong? These guys are my friends. All the time. Not just on the field.

Billy Ross:
How are you even friends with that little guy?

Lucas Friar:
Because I can depend on him! Because he is the most loyal person I've ever met. Because he is my best friend.

Lucas Friar:
He is my best friend.

Farkle Minkus:
[from above] You really mean that? [everyone looks up, finding Farkle hanging from a rope] You're my best friend too!

Lucas Friar:
Farkle, how did you get up there? I thought you couldn't climb the ropes.

Farkle Minkus:
I can't. But in desperate situations, apparently I can fly.

Cory Matthews:
Girls, at this stage, you're just finding out who you are. I mean, people don't usually wear signs that tell you. [Ava busts in, wearing a shirt that says "spoiled rotten"]

Ava:
Here I am!

Cory Matthews:
Ah, what do I know.

Cory Matthews:
We're all human beings. We're all on the same team. And if we scent our own flaws because we see them in others, it's true friends that help us wipe them away.

Harvey 'Harley' Keiner:
[Cory enters the Janitor closet] Hey! Johnny Baboon!

Riley Matthews, Maya Hart, Lucas Friar, Farkle Minkus:
Johnny Baboon?

Cory Matthews:
[to Harley] You promised!

Harvey 'Harley' Keiner:
This is Mr. Matthews.

Cory Matthews:
People change.

Harvey 'Harley' Keiner:
Give me your lunch money!

Cory Matthews:
I'm a teacher. I don't have any.

Harvey 'Harley' Keiner:
[to Billy] I used to think like you. Now I'm holding a mop.

Billy Ross:
Baseball after school?

Lucas Friar:
Nah, I don't think I'm gonna make it. If my buddy's still being hassled, then I wanna be there for him.

Billy Ross:
Your buddy? You mean Farkle?

Lucas Friar:
Yeah. Nobody's seen him.

Billy Ross:
You're better off.

Lucas Friar:
Excuse me?

Billy Ross:
Come on, Lucas, I know you don't really see Farkle as your 'buddy'.

Lucas Friar:
Why not?

Billy Ross:
You don't think he's different from us?

Lucas Friar:
What do you mean? Smarter? Yeah, he's the smartest kid in school, but he doesn't make a big deal out of it. I mean, he does want to take over the world and everything, but frankly, I'd like to see what he does with it.

Maya Hart:
I will never get to you, will I?

Lucas Friar:
No. But I sure do appreciate the effort.

Lucas Friar:
Thank you for the video. That wasn't what I expected to see.

Riley Matthews:
No more going home for the weekends?

Lucas Friar:
[pause] I am home.

Lucas Friar:
Hey, Mr. Matthews, as the new President, I'd like to name Farkle my Vice President.

Cory Matthews:
[laughing nervously] You're kidding. [Farkle gets a greedy look on his face]

Farkle Minkus:
You mean, if something terrible happens to you, I'd be President?

Lucas Friar:
Mm-hm.

Farkle Minkus:
I accept. [shakes hands with Lucas, while looking at him evilly]

Lucas Friar:
Maya, I'd like you to be my Secretary of State.

Maya Hart:
I'm nobody's secretary, Ranger Rick.

Brandon:
Hey, Hart.

Maya Hart:
What?

Brandon:
The Secretary of State is the president's ambassador for the world. It means he thinks highly of you. It also means he's trying to get you out of the country.

Riley Matthews:
Wait a minute. What about me?

Lucas Friar:
You? What about you?

Riley Matthews:
What am I to you?

Lucas Friar:
What are you to me?

[Lucas whistles, and Riley's horse/"unicorn" comes into the room. Lucas climbs onto it, and he helps Riley up so she can sit behind him. He puts a princess crown on her head]

Lucas Friar:
To me, you are a princess.

Riley Matthews:
Look at us.

[rests her head on his back while they ride around the room]

Topanga Matthews:
Why can't we just play with her friends?

Cory Matthews:
Because, Topanga, the second she allowed Dr. Turtleneck and Mr. Howdy into our household, our family was compromised by interlopers!

Lucas Friar:
Maybe we could just come back another time.

Cory Matthews:
[realizes Lucas and Farkle heard everything] Oh, yeah, we don't have walls... I told you we needed walls, Topanga!

Joshua Matthews:
[to Farkle] Dr. Turtleneck, I presume.

Farkle Minkus:
How could you tell?

Joshua Matthews:
Oh, 'cause... Ah, you just seemed like a doctor to me.

Farkle Minkus:
Thank you.

Joshua Matthews:
Thank you. [turns to Lucas] Then you must be...

Lucas Friar:
Howdy. [shakes hands with Josh]

Cory Matthews:
See this? "The Family Game. The game for families." Not "The Friends Game. A game for friends." I saw that game. I didn't buy that game. I bought this one. Because I used to have a family.

Topanga Matthews:
Will you stop?

Cory Matthews:
How could she choose her friends over us? I mean, did they burp her? Did they change her diapers?

Farkle Minkus:
We haven't yet, but we will when she's old.

Cory Matthews:
Listen, guys, not everything I teach you in class applies to our lives!

Lucas Friar:
It does, every time, sir.

Cory Matthews:
Oh, Farkle! Where'd you get the canon?

Farkle Minkus:
From my canon guy.

Cory Matthews:
Four, five, six, and as usual I choose the fatherhood path. Bing, bing, bing, bing. And the pink square means I get a daughter. [picks up the card]

Lucas Friar:
Actually, sir, Farkle and I already own that square.

Cory Matthews:
So?

Lucas Friar:
So, your daughter's ours. [Topanga looks a little puzzled by the word choices, while Riley is over the moon by that statement]

Cory Matthews:
Excuse me?

Riley Matthews:
Let him talk.

Lucas Friar:
According to the game, we get your daughter. [Riley jumps up from her seat to run over to Lucas, but is held back by Topanga]

Cory Matthews:
Josh!

Joshua Matthews:
She's not Riley Matthews anymore, my brother. She's now Mrs. Dr. Howdy Turtleneck! [Lucas holds out his hand to receive the card. Cory puts the card there, but doesn't let go of it]

Lucas Friar:
Uh, sir, you're holdin' on a little tight.

Farkle Minkus:
You really need to let go, sir. [the card snaps in two so they each hold on to one half]

Cory Matthews:
[completely serious] You killed my daughter!

Cory Matthews:
You and me.

Topanga Matthews:
You and me. Let's win this thing.

Maya Hart:
[to Riley] You and me. Let's win this thing.

Farkle Minkus:
[to Lucas] You and me.

Lucas Friar:
I just wanna go home.

Cory Matthews:
Someone has to get a 12. Anything but a 12. Nobody throw a 12.

Riley Matthews:
[throws the dice] 12!

Lucas Friar:
Oh, thank goodness, it's over!

Riley Matthews:
No, it's not. I'm not going for the success square. I'm going for the circle in the middle. We are going to play the Long Game.

Lucas Friar:
What?

Topanga Matthews:
But, you could win!

Joshua Matthews:
Dude, why would you do that?

Riley Matthews:
Because tonight, the Family Game is not about winning.

Topanga Matthews:
Uhhh, say what?

Riley Matthews:
Mom, I was only trying to beat you because I want you to be proud of me.

Topanga Matthews:
You do?

Riley Matthews:
Yeah, I want to be like you.

Topanga Matthews:
You do?

Riley Matthews:
A killer shark who always wins?

Topanga Matthews:
That is the most beautiful thing I have ever heard!

Riley Matthews:
So tonight, let's find out what happens when you play the Long Game.

Lucas Friar:
I'm never gonna see my mama again.

[first lines]

Riley Matthews:
I'm Riley Matthews, from Greenwich Village, New York City, the United States of America, the continent of North America, the western atmosphere, the Earth, the solar system, the universe, the mind of God. And in the middle of all of it, is John Quincy Adams Middle School. Me and my friends, because we are the center of the universe. At least, that's what I thought.

Farkle Minkus:
[raising his hand] Farkle time, sir?

Mr. Martinez:
Go ahead, kid. If you gotta Farkle, you gotta Farkle. [Farkle slowly lowers his hand again, disappointed]

Lucas Friar:
[without raising his hand] No, this is where he takes over the class.

Mr. Martinez:
Oh, he takes over the class? And you just talk, without raising your hand, and these two just do whatever they want? [Lucas nervously raises his hand] Yes?

Lucas Friar:
Pretty much, yeah.

Riley Matthews:
We think we're the center of the universe. We think everything revolves around us. We depend on the sun for light, for warmth, every morning, every day. When it's gone, we sleep, trusting that in the morning it will always come back again.

Cory Matthews:
"Our Town" by Thornton Wilder. My favorite play.

Farkle Minkus:
You can't teach English!

Cory Matthews:
It's all about the history.

Lucas Friar:
Theeere you go.

Riley Matthews:
The sun doesn't go around the Earth. We are the ones moving. We orbit the sun because we need it. We need its light and its heat. And if it wasn't there, we'd be dark and alone. I wasn't in Mrs. Svorski's orbit for very long, and I missed out on someone wonderful. My brother knew better. He was her very good friend. We think that we are the center of the universe, but the truth is... we need to circle the ones we love for as long as they're here. We need to hold them close, because no matter how far we travel, they are the ones who hold us in place. It's gravity, and without it, we'd just all float away from each other. We are not kings at all. We are just tiny little specs. My name is Riley Matthews from Greenwich Village, New York City, the United States of America, the continent of North America, the western atmosphere, the Earth, the Solar System, the universe, the mind of God. That's from "Our Town", my father's favorite play. Just for a moment, we're all together. Let's really look at one another. Good night, Mrs. Svorski.

Mrs. Svorski:
It's not my-kranian bakery. I'm dead!

[last lines]

George Feeny:
[on the phone] Hello, Mr. Matthews.

Cory Matthews:
Hey, Mr. Feeny. You doing okay?

George Feeny:
Yes, Cory. I'm still here.

Cory Matthews:
Great. That's great.

Shawn Hunter:
Hey, Mrs. Cory.

Topanga Matthews:
Hey, Mr. Cory.

Shawn Hunter:
Cory and I finish each other's...

Cory Matthews:
...sentences!

Shawn Hunter:
[shocked] Minkus reproduced?

Cory Matthews:
[to Shawn and Topanga] How great is this? My favorite person in the world... and my wife.

Shawn Hunter:
Cor, this is real life, not a TV show. I'm not your wacky neighbor.

Cory Matthews:
But, you could be!

Cory Matthews:
It's the Cory and Shawn Show! [singing] Cory and Shawn in the big city, and nobody talks but them.

Shawn Hunter:
[joining in, singing] I'll be a cop, and you'll run the deli...

Shawn Hunter, Cory Matthews:
[singing] And nobody talks but them!

Alan Matthews:
Ah, wow! Look at all these kids. It wasn't that long ago I had kids around the house.

Joshua Matthews:
Yeah, it was just this morning, wasn't it, dad?

Alan Matthews:
Oh yeah, yeah you

Maya Hart:
Boing!

Riley Matthews:
Ha, that's my uncle, Maya

Maya Hart:
Sweet, I would be your aunt.

Auggie Matthews:
Joshie!

Joshua Matthews:
Auggie! Come here. Ah

Auggie Matthews:
I love it up here.

Joshua Matthews:
My brotha'

Cory Matthews:
My brotha'. How is it possible we're brothers?

Joshua Matthews:
Because it's a surprise!

Alan Matthews:
Stop doing that.

Joshua Matthews:
Aw, dad, so proud of himself. He gets into the movies for like a quarter.

Riley Matthews:
Uncle Josh

Joshua Matthews:
Riley

Maya Hart:
Uncle Josh

Joshua Matthews:
Um I'm not your uncle, Maya.

Maya Hart:
Even better

Joshua Matthews:
Um it's been awhile.

Maya Hart:
Sure has.

Joshua Matthews:
Well boy, you grew up gorgeous.

Riley Matthews:
You're not gonna be my aunt.

Maya Hart:
I can't hear you ba-da-da-da-da-da-da-duh.

Cory Matthews:
You know, a little discipline isn't a bad thing, Maya.

Maya Hart:
Oh, thanks, Mr. Matthews, I'll ponder on that. [Riley does a head movement towards Cory while looking at Shawn]

Shawn Hunter:
I'm sorry, what? [Riley does the same movement again] Yeah, just because you do the same weird gesture twice, doesn't mean I get it.

Cory Matthews:
The clothes look nice, Maya. But it's the hope that looks great on you.

Riley Matthews:
Kermit?

Maya Hart:
Topanga?

Riley Matthews:
We're even.

Topanga Matthews:
Wait a minute, who let you in?

Shawn Hunter:
I have a key.

Topanga Matthews:
[to Cory] You gave him a key?

Cory Matthews:
[to Topanga] Fine, I'll give you a key.

Riley Matthews:
Bonjour, Lucas.

Lucas Friar:
Bonjour, Riley. [continues to speak French while Riley looks like a question mark]

Riley Matthews:
...Bonjour, Lucas.

Cory Matthews:
Riley, this whole what-am-I-good-at thing? I've been there my whole life. It's a waste of time. You know what's not a waste of time? Mashed potatoes. You know why? They never let you down. They're the best in the world at what they do. So don't be mashed potatoes, 'cause they're better at that than you could ever be.

Riley Matthews:
Do you have a talent?

Cory Matthews:
Does she? Does she? Your mom...

Topanga Matthews:
Don't you dare.

Cory Matthews:
Your mom's hips don't lie!

Cory Matthews:
Minkus.

Stuart Minkus:
Topanga!

Topanga Matthews:
Stuart.

Stuart Minkus:
Topanga!

Farkle Minkus:
Father.

Stuart Minkus:
Farkle.

Lucas Friar:
Wait a minute...

Farkle Minkus:
Yes?

Lucas Friar:
He is your father?

Farkle Minkus:
Look at us!

Lucas Friar:
Your name is Farkle Minkus?

Farkle Minkus:
Don't wear it out.

Lucas Friar:
I don't know how you could.

Stuart Minkus:
So these are the two ladies you tell me keep chasing you, huh?

Farkle Minkus:
[whispering to Riley and Maya] Please?

Riley Matthews:
Yes, sir, it's us.

Maya Hart:
I'm not doing it. [Riley gives her a nudge] Yes, sir, it is us. We hope that one day one of us will be lucky enough to become the future Mrs. Farkle Minkus and have a lot of baby minkii.

[Riley chastises Maya's mother for not attending her daughter's school art show]

Katy Hart:
Y'know, all I do with Maya is disappoint her.

Riley Matthews:
Here's what's funny. You're not disappointing her at all; you're only disappointing me.

Katy Hart:
I came to school and embarrassed her. I pretend I'm fancy, but I'm not. I thought I had a good marriage, but I didn't. I pretend to have a career, and I don't. I love that little girl, and I won't pretend with her.

[Farkle enters the classroom and sees 'Belgium 1831' up on the blackboard]

Farkle Minkus:
Yeah, no chance. [wipes out the content with a sponge]

Auggie Matthews:
Uncle Eric, how come you look like this?

Cory Matthews:
Because they elected him mayor.

Riley Matthews:
Who would do that?

Topanga Matthews:
The good people of Stupidtown.

Eric Matthews:
It's not pronounced Stupidtown!

Topanga Matthews:
How is it pronounced?

Eric Matthews:
St. Upidtown!

Topanga Matthews:
Oh. How St. Upid of me.

Eric Matthews:
I have been summoned. Why have I been brought here?

Topanga Matthews:
Because Cory thinks when it comes to helping people, you somehow turn into a genius.

Riley Matthews:
I'm in a fight with my best friend.

Eric Matthews:
There will be no losing friends. Lose one friend. Lose all friends. Lose yourself.

Eric Matthews:
Now, which one of you is Riley's friend Malisha?

Maya Hart:
It's Maya.

Eric Matthews:
Oh, okay. So, what are you fighting about?

Maya Hart:
She didn't take my side.

Riley Matthews:
I couldn't take her side based on what was said, which is the problem with this whole thing, 'cause Maya is making too big of a deal of what was said.

Eric Matthews:
Uh-huh. Okay. Okay. Now, which one was she?

Farkle Minkus:
You know, I've never admitted this before, but sometimes I wonder if my desire for world domination actually comes from deep down, feeling like I'm Squeak the Mouse.

Lucas Friar:
What makes you feel like that?

Farkle Minkus:
You do.

Lucas Friar:
How?

Farkle Minkus:
Just by being alive, you freak!

Lucas Friar:
I'm a freak?

Farkle Minkus:
Look at you! Look at your freak face and your freak hair, you make me sick!

Lucas Friar:
Hey, you think this is easy? You think it's easy being me every day?

Farkle Minkus, Riley Matthews, Maya Hart:
Shut up!

Lucas Friar:
Yeah, okay.

Isaiah 'Zay' Babineaux:
One dollar to look at the freak.

Lucas Friar:
Oh, be quiet, Flatbutt.

Cory Matthews:
You got this?

Eric Matthews:
Yeah, the people elected me mayor because they trust me with their issues.

Riley Matthews:
You mean political issues?

Eric Matthews:
No, don't know anything about those. No, they trust me with their people issues. Which it turns out everybody has, and they all seem to show up right about now. The enemy is not each other, guys. You're all going through the same thing.

Cory Matthews:
It's part of growing up.

Riley Matthews:
I'm a klutz.

Maya Hart:
I'm a pancake.

Farkle Minkus:
Squeak.

Lucas Friar:
Freak.

Isaiah 'Zay' Babineaux:
[about him being called 'Flatbutt'] That's why it hurts to sit!

Lucas Friar:
Why don't you elect people who care enough to make things better?

Cory Matthews:
I like to think I do every time I vote. But the truth is, I'm not responsible for the quality of people running for office.

Riley Matthews:
How are these people even chosen?

Cory Matthews:
Well, the parties choose the best candidates they can come up with.

[Eric bursts into the room, then pauses to catch his breath]

Eric Matthews:
I am running for senator of the great state of New York, and I need your votes!

Riley Matthews:
Kids don't vote.

Eric Matthews:
Then, aww.

Cory Matthews:
Everybody close your books, it's the end of the world.

Eric Matthews:
I'm really dizzy. I've done this in every classroom!

Maya Hart:
Beat the bad, bad man, Eric!

Eric Matthews:
Gonna do my best, Moesha.

Eric Matthews:
They played me. I'm just supposed to lose.

Tommy:
Supposed to.

Riley Matthews:
Like Kennedy was.

Maya Hart:
Or Nixon.

Eric Matthews:
Yeah, but those guys weren't real!

Maya Hart:
Well, maybe we don't have a vote, Lucas...

Lucas Friar:
[pleasantly surprised] Did you just call me Lucas?

Maya Hart:
I've always known your name. I like us all very much.

Farkle Minkus:
Maybe we do have a voice.

Riley Matthews:
So what do you wanna say, Robot?

Farkle Minkus:
[to all his friends] You, me, Earth... Let's do this thing.

George Feeny:
Mr. Matthews, Mr. Hunter, we meet again.

Cory Matthews:
It's our time capsule, remember?

George Feeny:
I remember everything.

Cory Matthews:
We wanted to see how time treated us. If we turned out like we hoped we would. You got any advice for us while we're all here together, Mr. Feeny?

George Feeny:
Well, yes. It's been a long time, and you're still together. What else do you need to know?

Maya Hart:
See? Life works out better if you don't get your hopes up. Shawn will get back together with his ex-girlfriend, Pluto is not a planet anymore, and my mom and me are just... my mom and me.

Riley Matthews:
Pluto is a planet.

Maya Hart:
Sorry, Riley, but you're the only one who says it is.

Riley Matthews:
You heard them tell the story, Maya. There was a time when my father was the only one that knew that he and my mother would always be together. Even when everyone else thought they wouldn't. He knew, and so do I, and so does your mother, because she's right. Dream dreams, Maya. You're going to get everything you want in life.

Maya Hart:
How is it possible that you could still have hope for me?

Riley Matthews:
Hey, I hope for something four billion miles away. You have always been right here.

Cory Matthews:
Ooh, seventh grade party. Yep, I didn't get invited to a whole lot of these.

Riley Matthews:
I've gone over to the dork side.

Auggie Matthews:
Weird Mommy's cool.

Cory Matthews:
Way cool.

Topanga Matthews:
Do you miss her?

Cory Matthews:
Who?

Topanga Matthews:
The old Topanga.

Cory Matthews:
[takes her hand] No. I've always known where she is.

Cory Matthews:
[pointing at his drawing of a light bulb] Who invented this?

Farkle Minkus:
Thomas Edison, the Wizard of Menlo Park.

Cory Matthews:
After how many tries?

Lucas Friar:
Six!

Cory Matthews:
No! Anyone think he invented it after his first try?

Lucas Friar:
I do!

Cory Matthews:
No!

Lucas Friar:
All right, I was trying something, and now I'm going back to the way things were.

Farkle Minkus:
[about Edison] Why didn't he invent the light bulb on his first try?

Isaiah 'Zay' Babineaux:
'Cause it was dark!

[Zay is setting up a duel for Riley and Maya]

Farkle Minkus:
How do you know so much about this, Zay?

Isaiah 'Zay' Babineaux:
Well, back in Texas, we call this a Wednesday.

Riley Matthews:
You're the worst bully ever, Peaches.

Maya Hart:
I know. Peaches the bully just doesn't strike fear into the hearts of anybody.

[Riley and Maya are about to have an ice cream fight]

Cory Matthews:
Why would you let them do this?

Topanga Matthews:
Well, it's a slow day, and the ice cream expires tomorrow.

Maya Hart:
Why are you my second, Huckleberry? Shouldn't you be over there with Riley?

Lucas Friar:
Well, it was decided that if things get out of hand, I was the best choice to... contain you.

Maya Hart:
Oh, you think you can?

Lucas Friar:
Yeah, but I'll probably pay for it pretty good.

[Riley is about to go to "war" with Maya]

Farkle Minkus:
[in a Southern belle voice] You will come back to me after the war, won't you, darling?

Riley Matthews:
Stop saying that! People don't make fun of other people. What did I ever do to you? "You exist and you're weird, and you get in the way of where I'm looking. So stop being weird and stop being happy. No one should be as happy as you. Stop being who you are. Or I'm gonna put my foot in your weird, stupid face."

Lucas Friar:
Why would you not tell me about this?

Riley Matthews:
I should be able to fight my own battles, Lucas.

Lucas Friar:
No you shouldn't, Riley, and you don't have to. That's the point of having friends. And did you really think there was anything you could put in this window to keep me from helping you?

Farkle Minkus:
I was worried about what would happen if you found out was doing to Riley, and got angry. So I want to make sure you were tied up since I know how you were in Texas. Did I do the right thing, Zay?

Isaiah 'Zay' Babineaux:
...no.

Farkle Minkus:
What did I do wrong?

Isaiah 'Zay' Babineaux:
Well, you used towels.

Farkle Minkus:
What should I have used?

Isaiah 'Zay' Babineaux:
Ah, it wouldn't matter.

[Lucas rips himself free, breaking the counter]

Farkle Minkus:
Well, look at dat.

Farkle Minkus:
I'm your best friend, and I need you to trust me.

Isaiah 'Zay' Babineaux:
Uh, I'm his best friend.

Farkle Minkus:
If you were his best friend, you would know to tie him up right now.

Isaiah 'Zay' Babineaux:
Look, I'mma just do it, I don't need an explanation.

Riley Matthews:
This will be done when you treat me like an ordinary person who nobody notices.

Maya Hart:
You're not. You're a sweet, weird little goof ball and I love you just the way you are. Deal with it.

[first lines]

Lucas Friar:
All right, where is your father?

Farkle Minkus:
[manic] Are we getting a sub? I don't want a sub. You never know where they've been.

Riley Matthews:
Would you calm down? He's one minute late. Stop overreacting.

Farkle Minkus:
What if he never shows up? What if I never learn anything else? I'm going down, sir!... Oh, he's not even here. [falls over]

Cory Matthews:
Lucas! Why are you the only one here that didn't say "I'm sorry?"

Lucas Friar:
'Cause I never do anything.

Cory Matthews:
No, because you respect the rules. Because you know without them, civilization becomes chaos. The rest of you are gonna spend the afternoon thinking about that, with the exception of Lucas the Good.

Lucas Friar:
Aw, boy. Is that gonna stick?

Maya Hart:
I'm already making T-shirts.

Lucas Friar:
[walks up to Cory] You've put me in a real bad position here, sir. [turns to the class, who are all in his eyes wearing 'Lucas the Good' T-shirts] I gotta do something.

Cory Matthews:
You can fight this, Lucas.

Lucas Friar:
No, I can't, sir. Everyone's looking.

Cory Matthews:
Okay. Do what you gotta do. [Lucas picks up his phone and starts to write a text message. Cory receives it, and gets a surprised look on his face] Detention.

Lucas Friar:
[relieved] Oh, thank you, sir!

Riley Matthews:
This is exactly what my father wants. He wants us to panic and fall apart. We have to show him that we can get through this without turning into a pack of animals. [Lucas looks at Farkle]

Lucas Friar:
[in a deep, threatening voice] I'm hungry.

Maya Hart:
[gets up] You know, Ranger Rick... I'm kinda hungry too.

Lucas Friar:
And it's not like the regular kind of hungry, right?

Maya Hart:
No, this one's deep. Must be attended to.

Riley Matthews:
Oh, guys, could we just show a little discipline? I mean, how much time in here could we possibly have? [everybody look up at the clock on the wall, which turns a minute, showing that they have been there for one minute. Riley starts to look at Farkle in the same threatening way Maya and Lucas do] You know, I could eat too. [they force Farkle to walk backwards in the classroom]

Farkle Minkus:
What? What are you looking at? Um, guys... What are you seeing right now?

Lucas Friar:
[flatly] Stop talking, chicken.

Farkle Minkus:
I think what Mad Dog is saying is, what good is being bad if there's no other people around? [Maya pulls Farkle in by his shirt collar] I'm Batman.

Riley Matthews:
You guys better clean up your faces, you look ridiculous. [hands out tissues to all the classmates with face paint] Lucas, I'll get you. [starts to clean Lucas' face with a tissue]

Lucas Friar:
Thank you. You know, they call me Mad Dog.

Riley Matthews:
Of course they do.

Lucas Friar:
Would you call me Mad Dog?

Riley Matthews:
Would you call me Princess Dancing Sunshine?

Lucas Friar:
No, I would not.

Riley Matthews:
Well, there you go.

[last lines]

Topanga Matthews:
[about Ava] I never thought I'd say this, but she is really starting to grow on me.

Auggie Matthews:
Really? 'Cause I decided that if you still didn't like her, I was never going to see her again. Because your happiness is more important to me than anything to me.

Topanga Matthews:
Oh, honey!

Auggie Matthews:
How was that?

Riley Matthews:
All right, come on! Let's prove my father wrong. Let's form our own perfect society. Rileytown is a land of goodness and rainbows where everybody fold their hands nicely like so. [she folds her hands] Who wants to live in Rileytown?

Maya Hart:
Nobody wants Rileytown. It's too lollipop.

Riley Matthews:
You're lollipop!

Maya Hart:
Sister, I'm a lot of things, but I ain't lollipop.

Riley Matthews:
Rileytown has order, structure and our hands folded like so! What do you got?

Maya Hart:
I got Mayaville. No rules, no laws, no hand folding and nobody says no. [Farkle looks at her] No.

Riley Matthews:
Why are you guys over there? Why can't we just be one happy society that runs the way I think it should?

Maya Hart:
Because you want us all to be you.

Farkle Minkus:
We're not all you, Riley. I mean, you know the reason I've never been able to choose between you? Because if it was you all the time... [referring to Riley]... life would be like... [hums happily. After a while, Riley joins in with his humming] And if it was you all the time... [referring to Maya]... life would be like... [growls]

Farkle Minkus:
[flat singing] Descensus in cuniculi cavum! [Maya growls and snarls] I need to be with both of you guys.

Riley Matthews:
Maya, we are in detention, you can't leave.

Maya Hart:
Hey, school's out. He said we got the place to ourselves, he said to make our own rules. Rule number one: See you around, suckahs. [leaves the classroom along with most of their classmates]

Riley Matthews:
Farkle?

Farkle Minkus:
Hey, what part of "descensus in cuniculi cavum" do you not understand?

Riley Matthews:
All of it.

Riley Matthews:
It means, we drop down into the rabbit hole, maaan. [leaves the classroom]

Lucas Friar:
Lucas?

Lucas Friar:
I never do anything, Riley. [also leaves the classroom, and runs into the hallway, excited] YEAH!

Lucas Friar:
Maya, if there's no good kids out here noticing us, what's the point?

Maya Hart:
[pulls Lucas in by his shirt collar, so they are face to face] You questioning my leadership, Hopalong?

Lucas Friar:
Okay, these names you're calling me are killing my street cred.

Maya Hart:
Aw. Then what would you like me to call you?

Lucas Friar:
[deep voice] I'd like you to call me Mad Dog.

Maya Hart:
You don't seem like a Mad Dog to me.

Lucas Friar:
Then what do I seem like to you?

Maya Hart:
You know that lamb that Mary had?

Lucas Friar:
I don't like the way that this is going.

Lucas Friar:
[opens a wrapped up package] "Get-out-of-detention-free."

Maya Hart:
Oh, I could use one of those! Give me that, and I won't call you Ranger Rick all week.

Lucas Friar:
Here you go. [does not hesitate to give Maya the card]

Maya Hart:
Thanks, Ranger Roy.

Lucas Friar:
Let me guess. Ranger Roy is filling in for Ranger Rick?

Maya Hart:
All week. And now, you... [looks at Cory]

Cory Matthews:
Oh, something gonna happen to me?

Maya Hart:
Yes, it is. [starts humming while climbing onto Cory's desk and starts dancing on it] Detentioooon! Not today, boom!

Cory Matthews:
Read the card.

Maya Hart:
Huh?

Cory Matthews:
Card.

Maya Hart:
[reads it] "Say 'get-out-of-detention-free', then give worthless card to Maya, then watch her dance on my desk." [Cory shows Maya off his desk. She climbs down, finding her seat]

Cory Matthews:
Never assume. Look more deeply. Just because something is wrapped up all pretty, doesn't always mean it is.

Maya Hart:
[to Lucas] You were in on this!

Lucas Friar:
I'm Ranger Roy, and I'll be here all week. [pretends to greet her with an imaginary cowboy hat. Maya shudders, knowing she got burned]

Cory Matthews:
And now, from Einstein Academy, undefeated this season, 72 pounds of raw intellectual power. She is "who your mama wishes she gave birth to..." The one, the only Smackle!

Topanga Matthews:
Auggie, I assumed you guys broke up!

Riley Matthews:
Oh, Mom, you should never assume. Didn't Dad teach you that?

Maya Hart:
Yeah, don't you get the home versions of these lessons? You're married to the guy.

Topanga Matthews:
Oh, of course I do! There's just so many of them. [pauses briefly, then looks terrified] Oh no, I married Feeny!

Farkle Minkus:
The nation of Troy was charmed by a beautiful wooden horse. They neglected it considering what was inside. And they lost everything, because of outer beauty. Don't be fooled by a pretty wrapper. I mean, who keeps the wrapping paper?

Riley Matthews:
I wear ribbons.

Farkle Minkus:
Okay... And our concluding statement will be made by Lucas Friar.

Lucas Friar:
There can be absolutely no debate that the quest for outer beauty at the expense of one's inner self is the road of personal destruction. People make assumptions. I've been labelled a jock and a cowboy. And this is from my friends. But here is a little secret: I like school, and I do pretty well. You might look at me and assume, "baseball player." I look at me, and I know, "I better get good grades." Because what's on the inside has to be more important than what's on the outside. To get into a good college and into a good life. Because beauty is not skin deep. Thank you.

Smackle:
[in "Valley girl" accent] Oh my gosh, I'm like so internally unprepared and scared.

Academic Bottom Half:
We finally got her.

Smackle:
Maybe that's what you would assume I would say, considering the effort I've put into my appearance.

Academic Top Half:
Uh-oh.

Smackle:
I'm here to argue today that beauty actually is "skin deep." So I've done some research, and I've learned that it is. When you get compliments from people who don't ordinarily compliment you. When people look at you differently. Packaging does matter. I wasn't pretty, then I was. This is a world where "pretty" seems better somehow. Which is too bad, but it's not debatable. However, I also learned that if you get swept up about what you are on the outside, you can lose who you are on the inside. Even though it is easy to be fooled by the beauty of the Trojan Horse, its real power comes from the army within. Intelligence, compassion, integrity, courage. That army is the real you. No matter what you look like. So, even though beauty may be skin deep, beauty is nowhere near as important as the army inside. And I'll try not to forget that.

[she puts on her glasses]

Smackle:
Wow, look at all of you. You're all very deeply beautiful. Especially you, Farkle. Thank you.

Maya Hart:
[about Smackle] She was using you to make Farkle jealous.

Lucas Friar:
Wow. That's a new one.

Auggie Matthews:
How's my breath? [breathes on Topanga]

Topanga Matthews:
Ooh. Like flowers. How'd you do that?

Auggie Matthews:
I ate flowers.

Farkle Minkus:
What is this place?

Cory Matthews:
It's detention, Farkle, and it's not for you.

Farkle Minkus:
If my friends are on it, then it's for me. [takes a seat]

Lucas Friar:
Hey, Riley! Missy invited me to see a movie with her.

Missy Bradford:
I think she's aware of that, Lucas. No need to make her feel worse.

Lucas Friar:
And I was wondering if maybe you guys would like to come along with us?

Riley Matthews:
You want us?

Missy Bradford:
Ugh! I'm sorry, Lucas, that wasn't the invitation.

Lucas Friar:
Oh! Well, then... I'm sorry, Missy, but I can't go.

Missy Bradford:
What are you talking about? Nobody's ever turned me down in my life!

Lucas Friar:
Well, see... These are my friends. And I don't like doing anything without my friends. Right, Riley?

Riley Matthews:
Yeah... Right.

Lucas Friar:
Now, I certainly appreciate you wanting me to take care of you during a scary movie, and you showing me your leg and all, but... back here in the seventh grade, I think maybe we'd have more fun just hanging out together.

Maya Hart:
Boop.

Riley Matthews:
You know what the easiest thing about having friends is?

Lucas Friar:
What?

Riley Matthews:
Sometimes all you have to do is trust them.

Pappy Joe:
That right there is the first Friar that ever had the courage to ride the most ferocious creature in all of creation.

Riley Matthews:
Are we talking about Judy the sheep, Pappy Joe?

Pappy Joe:
Ahaha! Judy the sheep! Remember when you fell off Judy after about two seconds, boy? Remember that? And we all said it was okay, 'cause you were only five years old. So we said it was okay, but it wasn't okay, because you were a disgrace to the community, and you dragged your family name through the mudhole right up to this day! You put us in the mudhole, remember, boy?

Lucas Friar:
Yes. There is one moment in every man's life that shapes who he is forever. My moment was Judy the sheep.

Pappy Joe:
Well, you know what, Lucas Friar? Forgiven! You get on that bull for more than three seconds, and you will be the master of Tombstone the bull. And I'll tell you I love you. That's something I've never said to another human.

Cory Matthews:
Can we talk about this?

Pappy Joe:
The time for talking's over. I've got a permission slip. Babineaux! Got one for you too. Come on, boys. Let's go ride.

Isaiah 'Zay' Babineaux:
YEEEE-HAAA! [Cory looks at him] That slipped out. [gets up to leave. Lucas follows]

Lucas Friar:
[turns in the door] YOU DID THIS! [leaves with Zay and Pappy Joe while Riley and Maya look a little puzzled]

Riley Matthews:
Lucas! Tell the bull you're gonna be a veterinarian! It's your only hope!

Lucas Friar:
[to the bull] I'm gonna be a veterinarian! [the bull is even more enraged] He doesn't care!

Lucas Friar:
Timmy, you did good out there, all right? You tried hard. Tombstone is tough, but he is no Judy the sheep. Sometimes you get thrown. Don't let it throw you. You understand me?

Timmy McCullough:
[nods] Thanks, Lucas.

Maya Hart:
I saw he's all right.

Riley Matthews:
He was wonderful. How are you?

Maya Hart:
I couldn't watch. I don't know why. I just... I couldn't watch.

Riley Matthews:
I know why. I know that you think I love him like a brother.

Maya Hart:
You know?

Riley Matthews:
I know that you thought that for a while.

Maya Hart:
Riles, whatever you feel, that's... that's up to you, I...

Riley Matthews:
Maya, it's up to you to tell me whatever you feel. You shouldn't be afraid to tell me anything. You're my sister, and I've always wanted a sister.

Maya Hart:
Me too.

Riley Matthews:
Sisters should tell each other their secrets, don't you think? [Maya doesn't answer] You couldn't watch him because you were afraid something would happen to him. Because you like him. You make fun of him because you like him. And you've never told me that either. Well, you're right. I love him like a brother. That's how I love him.

[last lines]

Riley Matthews:
Hey, Lucas, can I talk to you?

Lucas Friar:
Actually, I have something to say to you, Riley. If it wasn't for you, I don't know if I would have gotten on that bull. And if it wasn't for you, I don't know I would have survived in New York. You're really important to me.

Riley Matthews:
You are really important to me too, Lucas. We've always been really good at talking to each other. But we've never been too good at holding hands. And then we tried being a couple, and we couldn't even talk to each other. I don't want that. I want to know you're always there to talk to. You're my brother, Lucas. And I'm your sister.

Lucas Friar:
That's what you think we are?

Riley Matthews:
That's what I think we are. [kisses him on the cheek. Maya looks confused] I love you, Lucas. And now I know how. How do you feel about him, Maya? [Maya doesn't answer, just looks conflicted about what to think. The 'To Be Continued... ' line rolls over the screen]

[first lines]

Riley Matthews:
We have changed the life of somebody in this room!

Isaiah 'Zay' Babineaux:
Oh, please not me.

Farkle Minkus:
I'm happy with my life the way it is. I got tall and my teeth came in nicely.

Riley Matthews:
Oh, Lucas, in your whole history, we know what has always been your biggest regret.

Maya Hart:
[under her breath] Baaah...

Lucas Friar:
What's that? Why would you do that?

Maya Hart:
BAAAAAH! You used to be a champion sheep rider on the mutton busting rodeo until you fell off of Judy the sheep.

Riley Matthews:
And then you gave up, but you never got over it.

Lucas Friar:
That is my deepest, darkest secret! No one knows I fell off Judy the sheep, except... [suddenly stops talking, and suspiciously turns to Zay]

Isaiah 'Zay' Babineaux:
They-they made me, Lucas! They-they made me!

Lucas Friar:
How did they make you?

Isaiah 'Zay' Babineaux:
Uh... I said, "y'all wanna hear a great Lucas story?" They said, "yes."

Lucas Friar:
Okay, it doesn't matter, I'm over it. I don't think about that day at all. [we see a flashback of toddler Lucas falling off the sheep. When the flashback is over, Lucas is suddenly crying] I fell of that sheep so fast... No one likes me!

Lucas Friar:
You can't enter me in mutton busters. You can't be over 8 years old or over 55 pounds.

Maya Hart:
You're wrong, young Lucas. We entered you last week, and your application has been accepted.

Riley Matthews:
[reads from an application] "Congratulations, Lucas Friar. You are an official entry in this year's Austin Round-Up Rodeo. You will be riding Tombstone the sheep."

Isaiah 'Zay' Babineaux:
What? Tombstone? Whoa, that's the end of you!

Maya Hart:
Why is it the end of him?

Riley Matthews:
What's the difference between riding Judy the sheep and Tombstone the sheep?

Lucas Friar:
Read it again.

Maya Hart:
[takes the application] Blah-blah-blah, over the age of eight for mutton busters, blah, placed you in the adult rodeo where you will, blah, ride Tombstone the sheep.

Lucas Friar:
Ooooh, you only got one word wrong!

Isaiah 'Zay' Babineaux:
Let's see if they find that one word.

Maya Hart:
[reads the sheet] Blah-blah-blah, bladdy-blah-blah, blah, bladdy, blah-blah-blah, bladdy, blah-blah... Oh! Bull!

Isaiah 'Zay' Babineaux:
Ah! She found it.

Lucas Friar:
[angry] You signed me up to ride Tombstone the BULL!

Riley Matthews:
[smiling] Are you excited?

Maya Hart:
What's the difference between riding a sheep and riding a bull?

Lucas Friar:
DEATH! Death is the difference!

Lucas Friar:
Well, if I have to ride Tombstone the bull and die in front of everyone, at least it won't be in front of all my friends.

Riley Matthews, Maya Hart, Farkle Minkus:
Surprise!

Lucas Friar:
Heeeey, it's all my friends...

Lucas Friar:
I will ride you. I will ride you for more than three seconds, I will be the master of Tombstone the bull. [next frame shows Tombstone looking doubtful] All right, how bad is this gonna be? [Tombstone roars furiously] Great.

[Riley runs to Lucas' aid after he fell off Tombstone the bull and now seemingly can't move]

Riley Matthews:
Lucas! Lucas! Lucas, are you okay? Lucas, get up!

Lucas Friar:
I stayed on for like 30 seconds.

Farkle Minkus:
I really do wish I grew up with you guys, Lucas.

Lucas Friar:
You just did, Farkle.

Isaiah 'Zay' Babineaux:
Yeah, from now on, it's always been the three of us.

Cletus:
Lukey. Thissar Lukey! [he and Lucas hug]

Lucas Friar:
Wait, did they get Tombstone back in his pen, Cletus?

Cletus:
Yes, sir! We shot him fulla sleepy juice, but I seen the look in them red eyes just before he went nighty night. And when he wake up, huh-huuuurrr! [Maya grins, and Lucas holds his hand over his face, clearly knowing what's coming]

Maya Hart:
[walks slowly up to them] What?

Cletus:
[turns to Maya] Huh-huuurrr!

Maya Hart:
Oh. [turns Cletus back towards Lucas, and adjusts him to be eye to eye to Lucas. She walks over to Lucas to do the same with him] What?

Cletus:
[in Lucas' face] Huh-huuuurrrrrr!

Maya Hart:
I know it's early, but my life is complete.

Lucas Friar:
I just saw Tombstone the bull, and, uh, why do you hate me?

Riley Matthews:
Come on, a bull is just a man cow!

Maya Hart:
You're a-scared of a man cow. A-mooo!

Lucas Friar:
You two have never actually seen a bull, have you?

Riley Matthews:
No, but what we'd like to see are some cold drinks inside an air conditioned refreshment tent.

Maya Hart:
Oh, looky here. [Riley fake gasps before they leave Lucas to go inside the refreshment tent]

Lucas Friar:
I just think you may react differently when you actually see a "man cow."

Maya Hart:
[after seeing footage of bull riding] I don't want you going anywhere near that bull.

Lucas Friar:
Yeah, that makes two of us.

Maya Hart:
I want you to take off that stupid outfit, and I wanna get outta here.

Lucas Friar:
Maya...

Maya Hart:
I saw the bull. I don't think the bull knows this is supposed to be fun.

Riley Matthews:
Okay, Maya, let's not shake Lucas's confidence. [to Lucas] You can do this, right? You can just ride a bull for four seconds and win the Master of Tombstone award?

Maya Hart:
Lucas is gonna need a tombstone! There isn't gonna be any more Lucas!

Riley Matthews:
He's going to do great, Maya. Zay, tell him he's going to do great.

Isaiah 'Zay' Babineaux:
[to Lucas, without conviction] You'll do great.

Maya Hart:
Truth.

Isaiah 'Zay' Babineaux:
You're gonna die.

Maya Hart:
Riley, why do you want him to do this?

Riley Matthews:
Because this is better than riding Judy the sheep, and I don't want him to be a disgrace to this community anymore.

Lucas Friar:
Well, I don't think that I'm actually a disgrace to the community...

Riley Matthews:
You are. I've been talking to people. They have long memories around here.

Rodeo Waitress:
[walks up to Lucas] Baaaaah!

Rodeo Announcer:
And now, everybody's favorite, Judy the sheep, who will be ridden this year by Timmy McCullough.

McCullough:
That's my grandson! [we see pictures of Timmy falling off Judy the sheep almost immediately]

Rodeo Announcer:
And the gate opens, and Timmy McCullough is holding on!... No, he's not.

Pappy Joe:
HA! That's his grandson!

Riley Matthews:
Pappy Joe!

Pappy Joe:
Sorry, Riley. Stereotypical cultural reductions are all I have left.

Rodeo Announcer:
And now, for the event you've all been waiting for, bull riding! And this year, will we finally have a master of Tombstone? The record on Tombstone is three point seven seconds. Will someone finally beat it? But first, riding Buttercup, is, Eddie Callaway! [Eddie falls off his bull in a brutal way] Oh! Eddie, that had to hurt. Looks like Eddie's gonna have himself a little lay down for a moment.

Maya Hart:
[to Lucas] Are you out of your mind?

Riley Matthews:
Lucas, you're serious, right? You can seriously do this?

Lucas Friar:
Yeah, I learned from the best, actually.

Maya Hart:
Who's the best?

Lucas Friar:
...Eddie Calloway.

Maya Hart:
Lucas, look at me. If you do this, I will never speak to you again.

Riley Matthews:
Maya...

Maya Hart:
Riley, why are you for this?

Riley Matthews:
Because I want him to succeed. I want him to make his grandfather proud.

Maya Hart:
[to Pappy Joe] You're not proud of him if he doesn't do this?

Pappy Joe:
I think you have a fine grasp of the general situation, yeah. In my opinion, it's about facing life, which runs harder than any bull. You gotta face your fears. You ride them, or they ride you.

Lucas Friar:
[about Maya] Why would she do this?

Riley Matthews:
I don't know, but I am about to find out. [begins to walk in Maya's direction]

Lucas Friar:
Riley, I... I'd kinda like you to watch. [Riley looks at him, then in Maya's direction, but realizes the seriousness in his face]

Riley Matthews:
Then I will.

Rodeo Announcer:
All right, as we know, Buttercup the bull ain't no Tombstone the bull, but Buttercup, as you can see, has sent Eddie Callaway on a little vacation. Bon voyage, Eddie.

Lucas Friar:
Brother and sister. Riley and I are brother and sister now. What does that even mean?

Isaiah 'Zay' Babineaux:
What does anything mean out the mouth of a girl?

Lucas Friar:
Maya, are you seriously not gonna talk to me?

Maya Hart:
You could have gotten hurt on that stupid bull. What do you think you getting hurt would have done to the people who...

Isaiah 'Zay' Babineaux:
Care about you? I think you were gonna say "care about you".

Maya Hart:
I'm not talking about me, think I'm talking about me?

Isaiah 'Zay' Babineaux:
Yes, I do.

Maya Hart:
I'm talking about everybody here!

Farkle Minkus:
You won't do anything to me 'cause I'm a New York intellectual and you don't wanna be a cliche.

Pappy Joe:
...Lucas, fetch me my shotgun.

Lucas Friar:
Okay!

Riley Matthews:
The only thing I know is that I wanna be able to talk to you. And that maybe this is the best way to do that.

Lucas Friar:
That's what you want?

Riley Matthews:
You know what I don't want? I don't wanna go out for a while, break up, and not like each other anymore. Isn't that what happens next, isn't that what people do? I don't understand that, Lucas. I always want you around. Maybe the best way to do that is to be like brother and sister.

Farkle Minkus:
You didn't want him to get hurt because care about him.

Maya Hart:
I care about all of us.

Farkle Minkus:
You care about him.

Maya Hart:
I care about all of us!

Farkle Minkus:
You care about him.

Maya Hart:
I will kill you.

Vanessa:
Wanna introduce me?

Isaiah 'Zay' Babineaux:
Yeah. Uh, this is Farkle...

Farkle Minkus:
Texas lady.

Isaiah 'Zay' Babineaux:
And, uh, this is my friend, Maya.

Maya Hart:
You did not just do that!

Isaiah 'Zay' Babineaux:
What?

Maya Hart:
You did not just introduce your girlfriend as your friend.

Isaiah 'Zay' Babineaux:
[laughs] What?

Maya Hart:
Isaiah Earl Babineaux...

Vanessa:
Your middle name is Earl?

Isaiah 'Zay' Babineaux:
No...

Maya Hart:
Next time you introduce your girlfriend as your friend, we are through. Do you hear me?

Isaiah 'Zay' Babineaux:
I mean, I hear you, but I-I...

Maya Hart:
Put your arm around me! Twirl my hair. Call me honey nugget.

Isaiah 'Zay' Babineaux:
Hi, honey nugget.

Maya Hart:
Hi, hunkalicious!

Vanessa:
A little possessive, no?

Maya Hart:
Well, the good ones, you don't let get away, know what I mean? With all the girls chasing him around New York City, you have to swoop right in or he'll be gone! I said, YOU HAVE TO SWOOP RIGHT IN OR HE'LL BE...

Riley Matthews:
Isaiah Hank Babineaux!

Isaiah 'Zay' Babineaux:
No...

Riley Matthews:
I don't care. I only care that you don't let Maya get her hooks into you when you know you are mine.

Isaiah 'Zay' Babineaux:
This is my friend, Riley.

Maya Hart:
Now how do you like it when he calls you a friend, Riley?

Riley Matthews:
I don't like it.

Maya Hart:
No, you do not like it.

Riley Matthews:
I do not like it when you call me "just friend".

Isaiah 'Zay' Babineaux:
Well, what would you like for me to call you?

Riley Matthews:
I would like for you to call me "Cotton Candy Face"!

Maya Hart:
Good girl, I know that was hard.

Vanessa:
Zay, is it possible I've misjudged you?

Riley Matthews:
It's possible, Vanessa.

Vanessa:
How do you know my name?

Riley Matthews:
Um...

Maya Hart:
Too much, too much, too much!

Farkle Minkus:
[to Zay and Lucas] You guys were lucky.

Lucas Friar:
How come?

Farkle Minkus:
To grow up out here. To have this sky, and the stars. This has been the best weekend of my life. Thank you.

Riley Matthews:
Promise we'll always be friends, no matter what?

Maya Hart:
Riley...

Riley Matthews:
Promise. No matter what happens, I am telling you, I'll always be your best friend no matter what.

Maya Hart:
Oh. There is *nothing* I could do?

Riley Matthews:
No, there's not. There is nothing you could do, Maya. Do you understand? It's you and me, until the time that we, you know...

Riley Matthews, Maya Hart:
[imitate dying] Bleh.

Vanessa:
I wanted to say I'm sorry.

Isaiah 'Zay' Babineaux:
What'd you do?

Vanessa:
I never really gave you a chance. Now I'm too late because I could never steal you away from your new friends, could I?

Isaiah 'Zay' Babineaux:
Steal me from these people? Hmph. No. No, you couldn't.

Vanessa:
What if I bought you ice cream?

Riley Matthews:
You need to feel whatever you feel, Maya. It's you and me forever. There is *nothing* that you could ever do to change that.

Riley Matthews:
Maya likes you.

Maya Hart:
Riley!

Riley Matthews:
She's been hiding it all this time. It's why she couldn't watch you at the rodeo.

Maya Hart:
What are you doing?

Riley Matthews:
I saw you, Maya. I saw how much you cared. [to Lucas] It's why she makes fun of you, I think.

Lucas Friar:
Riley, what are we?

Riley Matthews:
I told you what we are.

Lucas Friar:
What if that's not what I think we are?

Riley Matthews:
[to Maya] You stepped back. I know you stepped back.

Lucas Friar:
What's going on?

Maya Hart:
I don't know.

Lucas Friar:
I'm her brother now?

Maya Hart:
Apparently.

Lucas Friar:
[to Maya] You like me?

Maya Hart:
No.

Lucas Friar:
Maya, why didn't you want me to ride in the rodeo?

Maya Hart:
Because... I didn't want you to win, and get all conceited.

Lucas Friar:
I don't think that's it.

Maya Hart:
[imitiating Lucas in a Southern accent] I don't think that's it.

Lucas Friar:
I don't talk like that, I just don't! Why do you see me like that?

Maya Hart:
Of course I don't see you like that! Can we just... can we just look at this fire, please.

Lucas Friar:
I need to talk to both of you. You are gentle. But when I first met you, I was scared of you. I never told you that. You wouldn't think that someone could be scared of you, but I was. And you... you were always scared of me! You gave me nightmares from the day I first looked at you. Then when I found out I was gonna have a chance with you, well... that was about the scariest moment of my life. Anyway, I, uh... I want you to know that you're both an important part of my growing up. I wouldn't be who I am today without either one of you. So, thank you. But you guys are nothing... compared to Riley and Maya. [next frame shows that he is talking to Tombstone the bull and Judy the sheep]

[last lines]

Pappy Joe:
You ready?

Lucas Friar:
Yeah. Thank you for everything.

Pappy Joe:
Good luck in the world, boy.

Maya Hart:
It's been bad enough that I've been keeping this secret from Riley all this time.

Lucas Friar:
What secret?

Maya Hart:
You guys are so much alike. I thought you were just like brother and sister too.

Lucas Friar:
Why?

Maya Hart:
You're at your best when you're just talking to each other. Looking out for each other. That's what I believed, but I kept it a secret. And now the secret's out, so I don't have to carry it around with me anymore. I just don't wanna have any more secrets from her.

Lucas Friar:
So you *don't* make fun of me because you like me?

Maya Hart:
I'm just gonna watch this fire.

Lucas Friar:
Maya, why do you make fun of me?

Maya Hart:
Because you're easy to make fun of!

Lucas Friar:
Okay, then stop!

Maya Hart:
Because you're a huckleberry. Because you're a Ranger Rick.

Lucas Friar:
Would you stop?

Maya Hart:
Look, if I had feelings for you, don't you think I'd just come right out and say it? Well, I don't, so what I do say is "har-harr"

[Lucas holds her face and leans in to kiss her]

Maya Hart:
[whispering] Why did you do that?

Lucas Friar:
I don't know, I just wanted you to stop! Please don't tell my sister.

Maya Hart:
You couldn't think of another way to stop me?

Lucas Friar:
Not at the time, no! I'm sorry?

Maya Hart:
You don't have to be sorry, Huckleberry. Of course I like you. You're a good guy. If you got hurt, I don't know what I would have done.

Riley Matthews:
I liked the new boy and you stepped back for me. Then I saw how scared you were for him. You need to feel whatever you feel. How could I keep that from you? Whatever happens, happens.

Charlie Gardner:
I heard you and Lucas are just gonna be friends.

Riley Matthews:
Yeah! Actually, what we're doing is...

Charlie Gardner:
I heard you're free. Are you free?

Cory Matthews:
I don't want this.

Maya Hart:
We're confused.

Topanga Matthews:
I don't want this either.

Riley Matthews:
We're going into high school!

Topanga Matthews:
You know what your priority is in high school?

Cory Matthews:
High school.

Topanga Matthews:
It's where you further your minds, and you get an education.

Cory Matthews:
You know why?

Topanga Matthews:
So you're smart enough not to find yourself in a situation like this!

Riley Matthews:
We're not in a situation, everything's fine!

Topanga Matthews:
Maya?

Maya Hart:
We're in a situation.

Riley Matthews:
Why do we have to have feelings?

Cory Matthews:
You don't! Get rid of 'em!

Topanga Matthews:
You think you like Lucas?

Maya Hart:
How can you not like him?

Cory Matthews:
I didn't think you liked anybody!

Maya Hart:
It's my facade.

Cory Matthews:
Don't use big words correctly. It's not who you are.

Riley Matthews:
We're Riley and Maya.

Maya Hart:
We know our priorities.

Riley Matthews:
And nothing and nobody could ever come between us.

Topanga Matthews:
You are two confused kids who think you know what you're doing.

Cory Matthews:
But you don't. So don't do anything.

Topanga Matthews:
Nothing is as easy as it seems when feelings are involved.

Cory Matthews:
Oh, no. They're gonna figure it out. What do we do?

Topanga Matthews:
We trust them.

Cory Matthews:
That's the worst idea I've ever heard.

Maya Hart:
Riley, something happened between me and Lucas.

Lucas Friar:
Oh, boy.

Riley Matthews:
Yes, Charlie. I will go out with you.

Riley Matthews:
Isn't it amazing how comfortable we are with each other?

Lucas Friar:
NO! I don't feel comfortable at all.

Riley Matthews:
This is the kind of thing we could never do, Lucas, when we were just "Hi, hey, howdy, hi". Now you know what we are. [punches Lucas]

Lucas Friar:
Could you maybe not hit me anymore?

Lucas Friar:
You're my brother. Be my brother, give me advice, feel good about it, and nothing will ever be uncomfortable at all.

Lucas Friar:
Where's your dad, why isn't he kicking me out? [yells] I'M IN YOUR DAUGHTER'S ROOM!

Auggie Matthews:
Why do you need another brother?

Riley Matthews:
I'm just trying to do everything best for everybody concerned.

Auggie Matthews:
[to Lucas] Riley has one brother in her life, and it isn't you.

Lucas Friar:
Oh, Auggie, I don't...

Auggie Matthews:
Did I finish speaking?

Lucas Friar:
No, sir. I just don't see how you could possibly understand the relationships, or anything that happens to us.

Auggie Matthews:
I've been married to Ava Morgenstern for 52 years. It changes me. Kill me!

Auggie Matthews:
Riley's my sister. I'm her ONLY brother. And her only brother's telling you, whatever happens, don't hurt my sister. Now get of my room, I'm doing my podcast.

Maya Hart:
So this our new relationship?

Lucas Friar:
Yeah. How's it going so far?

Isaiah 'Zay' Babineaux:
Weird, man.

Maya Hart:
You don't have to watch.

Isaiah 'Zay' Babineaux:
I can't look away!

Farkle Minkus:
[about Lucas & Maya] You think they like each other?

Isaiah 'Zay' Babineaux:
I do. But I think they liked each other better when she was yelling at him all the time.

Farkle Minkus:
What about Riley and Lucas?

Isaiah 'Zay' Babineaux:
Well, I knew Lucas before I came here. But then I met Riley and she's just like him.

Farkle Minkus:
How?

Isaiah 'Zay' Babineaux:
Well, the thing we all knew about Lucas is that Lucas would do anything for his friends. And I never thought there could be anybody else like that. But Riley is.

Farkle Minkus:
So you think they are like brother and sister?

Isaiah 'Zay' Babineaux:
No. I just think they have a lot in common. I mean, Riley would do anything for her friends too.

Farkle Minkus:
Yeah. And I think she did.

Riley Matthews:
How did your time with Lucas go?

Maya Hart:
We... sat there, with absolutely nothing to say.

Riley Matthews:
Been there, done that.

Maya Hart:
Yeah, well, you guys don't have to worry about that anymore now that you're brother and sister.

Riley Matthews:
I love talking to him.

Maya Hart:
I love... making fun of him.

Riley Matthews:
Why?

Maya Hart:
Why do I love to make fun of him?

Riley Matthews:
Yeah.

Maya Hart:
Because he's great.

Riley Matthews:
Yeah!

Maya Hart:
And... he needs someone like me to take him down. And he needs someone like you...

Riley Matthews:
But why? Why does he need me?

Maya Hart:
To-to build him up! To tell his Ranger Rick stories to, and make him feel like a hero. You like his stories, and he likes yours.

Lucas Friar:
Riley, I can't be your brother anymore.

Maya Hart:
Hey Riley, what do you do when you sit next to Huckleberry?

Riley Matthews:
Maya, I can't give you advice like that.

Maya Hart:
Sure you can. You're his sister, right?

Lucas Friar:
Nope, not anymore.

Riley Matthews:
Why?

Lucas Friar:
Auggie says we can't. And you know what, I think he's right. You already have a great brother!

Riley Matthews:
Then what will you be?

Lucas Friar:
Anyway, Auggie loves you, Riley, so I'm gonna step back from being your brother.

Charlie Gardner:
Save me now.

Maya Hart:
[playfully kicks Lucas on the butt] Me now.

Lucas Friar:
You have every right.

Isaiah 'Zay' Babineaux:
You see, Lucas does anything for anybody. He sacrifices being Riley's brother so he doesn't hurt Auggie's feelings.

Farkle Minkus:
Well, same with Riley. She's stepping back from Lucas so she's doing exactly the same thing.

Riley Matthews:
Farkle, stop.

Isaiah 'Zay' Babineaux:
What? I thought she didn't like him like that anymore.

Farkle Minkus:
No, Riley's stepping back from Lucas because...

[Riley covers Farkle's mouth]

Charlie Gardner:
No talking or holding hands. Best date ever. I know it's not, but it's what I got.

Lucas Friar:
No talking on a date? Who does that? [sits nexts to Maya] Oh yeah, we do.

Maya Hart:
Hello!

Riley Matthews:
Farkle, you don't know what's going on. Stop thinking.

Farkle Minkus:
I know Auggie's right! He's your only brother. I've seen the way you look at Auggie, and I've seen the way you look at Lucas. It's not the same.

Riley Matthews:
I think I know my own feelings.

Farkle Minkus:
You're a liar.

Riley Matthews:
Farkle!

Farkle Minkus:
You're lying to yourself.

Riley Matthews:
Lucas and I don't make a good couple.

Riley Matthews:
You can't tell anybody.

Farkle Minkus:
I will unless you do.

Riley Matthews:
Why?

Farkle Minkus:
Because we are growing up. And, I don't know how to handle these feelings you're feeling. But I do know that we don't lie to each other. We don't lie to each other, Riley.

Riley Matthews:
Farkle, Maya is my best friend. She cares about him, and he cares about her too.

[the blackboard in the classroom reads Riley, Maya and Lucas]

Maya Hart:
Matthews, we know that everything you teach is about us, but this is just lazy.

Cory Matthews:
I don't have the time. I'm going right for it. You don't think I could mash this up with World War II if I wanted to? America loves Russia. Then America doesn't love Russia. Japan loves France now. Japan asks France to go bowling. So they're going on a couple of dates, but then Japan says to France, "I just want to be friends!" So France says, "I got enough friends!" So they try to be civil with each other. But there is a certain chill while they're hanging out by the lockers. There is a chill! You don't think everyone in this room is going bowling with everybody else at some point? Riley, Maya and Lucas is all about everybody in this room in every room in the whole world in the universe. They just got their first! The jerks!

Riley Matthews:
Dad!

Cory Matthews:
You're going to high school. You are growing up in spite of my wishes. It's real now. What's happened already is nothing compared to what's gonna happen to you now. I just don't want anything bad to happen to you. Don't let anything bad happen to you! [Cory packs up his stuff]

Lucas Friar:
The class isn't over yet, sir.

Cory Matthews:
Nah, I've had it. [leaves the classroom]

Lucas Friar:
So, what are you thinking?

Maya Hart:
Oh, now? Oh, it's so funny you mention that, right in this exact moment, what I was thinking, what was running through my head was actually if you don't start talking to me, I'm gonna pour this smoothie right over your head, so why don't you give me the best you got.

Lucas Friar:
Did I ever tell you once I delivered a baby horse? [Maya just looks at him for a moment, then she suddenly pours her smoothie over his head. She proceeds to pour his smoothie over his head as well] Actually, it looks kinda like this. The miracle of life.

Riley Matthews:
Dad, you have a choice here. You can either understand that this is just a boy talking to me in the cafeteria...

Cory Matthews:
I'm gonna do whatever you say next.

Riley Matthews:
This is so innocent.

Cory Matthews:
Honey, fathers don't see anything as innocent. We see it as... what's the opposite of innocent?

Maya Hart:
[raising her hand] Right here.

Cory Matthews:
You were so busy trying to be her, Riley, you forgot the best thing you can do for her, is be you.

Lucas Friar:
Hey, this isn't so different from Texas. Look, there's a pony.

Farkle Minkus:
That's a rat.

[last lines]

George Feeny:
Well done, Mr. Matthews.

Farkle Minkus:
Why are you screaming? You scared us.

Maya Hart:
What are you guys doing here?

Lucas Friar:
We were passing by on our way home. We thought we'd say hi.

Riley Matthews:
In the middle of the night?

Lucas Friar:
It's a quarter after seven.

Riley Matthews:
Then why'd you have me go to sleep, Maya?

Maya Hart:
Trying to put myself out of my misery.

Lucas Friar:
Okay, Farkle. Who are you? I wanna know the new rules.

Farkle Minkus:
I'm finding out who I am.

Lucas Friar:
You know who you are. You have your own category named after you.

Farkle Minkus:
What's a "Farkle" anyway?

Lucas Friar:
A "Farkle" is a loyal, loving best possible friend there could be. I think everyone should have one. But they don't, and I do. And I never want him to go away.

Farkle Minkus:
You don't have to call me Donnie Barnes. I made that up. My name is Farkle Minkus. I'm growing up. And I don't know what's going to happen next. But you guys are my best friends, so deal with it.

Maya Hart:
[acting as Riley] Aww, Lucas, you're a very sweet guy. That's why I always liked you since I fell onto your lap on the subway. It's why we should have been favorite couple. Because we're so much alike. You know, it's like we're two sunshiney people from the same sunshiney family. That's why I like you so much. It's like you're my brother. [reverts back to herself] Oh. It's like he's your...

Riley Matthews:
What?

Maya Hart:
Wow.

Riley Matthews:
What just happened?

Maya Hart:
Nothing. Nothing happened. I don't want to be Riley any more. Only you're Riley. I'm Maya. We don't care what you say. We're not crashing our ships. Come back. Come back right now.

Lucas Friar:
Maya, you are the most secure person in this room. You have a great life! Why would you change? I mean okay, not great life... I mean, your family life could, you know, be better, but... uh, at least at school you're uh... you're here a lot!

[sees Riley walk into class wearing all black]

Lucas Friar:
What the...?

Riley Matthews:
Life is what we do, between nothings.

Lucas Friar:
Is- is this a New York thing, or what is this?

Maya Hart:
I have no interest living in a world without Riley and Farkle. And I'm not going anywhere until you to come back, you hear me?

Farkle Minkus:
Maya, the people you knew aren't here any more.

Maya Hart:
Then can you please tell me where I can find them?

Riley Matthews:
They're in the yearbook. Keep in touch and have an awesome summer.

Riley Matthews:
Yearbooks! Find out who we are and what we really think about each other.

Maya Hart:
You wanna know what I think about you?

Lucas Friar:
No, I do not.

Maya Hart:
But I wanna tell you

Lucas Friar:
I don't think you need to.

Maya Hart:
I'm gonna do it anyway.

Lucas Friar:
Don't do it.

Maya Hart:
It's been awhile.

Lucas Friar:
I'm asking you not to do it.

Maya Hart:
I'm gonna do it.

Maya Hart:
You wanna run, or you want it straight in the face?

Lucas Friar:
Well, I wanna run, but how would that look?

Maya Hart:
[humming scales] ha ha ha ha ha ha hur.

Lucas Friar:
You guys won't judge me if I run, right?

Maya Hart:
[humming scales] ha ha ha ha ha ha hur.

Lucas Friar:
Come on, man.

Lucas Friar:
There's always another option.

Maya Hart:
[screams] HAHUUUUUUUUUURRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!

Lucas Friar:
You okay now?

Maya Hart:
Hmm. That was good.

Cory Matthews:
Because if you listen to everybody else, you just might end up crashing your little ships onto the rocks.

Lucas Friar:
But you should listen to the people who care about you. Because they have your best interest at heart. Right, buddy? You're much more than just a regular guy.

Maya Hart:
Aw, Lucas, you're a very sweet guy. That's why I always liked you since I fell into your lap on the subway. It's why we should have been favorite couple, because we're so much alike.

Maya Hart:
You know, it's like we're two sunshine-y people from the same sunshine-y family. That's why I like you so much. It's like you're my brother.

Maya Hart:
Oh.

Maya Hart:
It's like he's your

Riley Matthews:
What?

Maya Hart:
Whoa.

Riley Matthews:
What just happened?

Maya Hart:
Uh, nothing.

Maya Hart:
Nothing happened.

Maya Hart:
I don't wanna be Riley anymore.

Maya Hart:
Only you're Riley.

Maya Hart:
I'm Maya.

[last lines]

Cory Matthews:
[makes a speech to the students in the cafeteria] You know, it's a funny thing about teachers. People don't often realize that without the lesson, without the education, no one will learn anything at all. There would be no gruff, no progress, there would be no doctors, or lawyers, or anything at all, really. In fact, when you think about it, teachers are the foundation of the whole country. Our whole world! Teachers should be appreciated, and never forgotten.

[looks up and realizes everyone is gone]

Harvey 'Harley' Keiner:
I appreciate you, Baboon. Now, get out of here so I can go home.

Cory Matthews:
Yeah, okay.

Maya Hart:
Where's Garaboski?

Lucas Friar:
Uh oh.

Riley Matthews:
Did we do it?

Farkle Minkus:
Did we finally break him?

[Cory walks in]

Cory Matthews:
You broke him!

[class cheers]

Cory Matthews:
Quiet! Mr. Garaboski retired yesterday.

[class cheers again]

Cory Matthews:
Quiet! The guy survives Vietnam *and* *Mrs.* Garaboski, and he can't get past you. Now, he left a letter here that expressed his feelings. "Dear you little"- okay, I can't read this.

Lucas Friar:
He always talked about the good old days, before 1985.

Riley Matthews:
What happened in 1985?

Farkle Minkus:
That was the year the New York Board of Education said you couldn't hit a kid with a ruler.

Cory Matthews:
Ms. Burgess is here to teach you about great books and great ideas. Please give her the same respect that you give me.

Riley Matthews:
Aw, we could do better than that.

Maya Hart:
Riley, stop me right now.

Riley Matthews:
From what?

Maya Hart:
I can't like a teacher, I'm Maya.

Riley Matthews:
It's a good day, Maya. School got better, and now nothing bad is ever going to happen again.

[Principal Yancy walks in]

Principal Yancy:
Ah! I'm passing by your classroom on this, your very first day, and I can't help noticing that somebody has a comic book. That everybody has a comic book.

Farkle Minkus:
They're graphic novels.

Principal Yancy:
Pipe down, Farkle.

Farkle Minkus:
I think Harper's trying to teach us something important.

Principal Yancy:
Oh, *Harper* is, hm? Well, she's not. It isn't literature, it's comic books, which are against school policy, Ms. Burgess. And so is calling Ms. Burgess by her first name! You will gather these up, and you will teach something important. [sees a book] "To Kill a Mockingbird"? Are you familiar with this?

Harper Burgess:
I know this book.

Principal Yancy:
Then teach it, Ms. Burgess. [exits classroom]

Harper Burgess:
So... "The Dark Knight Returns"!

Topanga Matthews:
Girls, slow down! What is the rush?

Maya Hart:
Dinner is keeping us from our homework.

Riley Matthews:
The new English teacher wants us to read this.

Topanga Matthews:
This looks like a comic book.

Cory Matthews:
Yes!

Topanga Matthews:
Didn't we have a teacher who taught us...

Cory Matthews:
Yes!

Topanga Matthews:
Tell me more about this new English teacher.

Riley Matthews:
Motorcycle.

Maya Hart:
Leather jacket.

Topanga Matthews:
Sounds familiar... [turns to Cory]

Topanga Matthews:
Weren't you on the committee to hire the new English teacher?

Cory Matthews:
Yes!

Topanga Matthews:
Not all history repeats itself, Cory.

Riley Matthews:
Why, what happened to you guys?

Topanga Matthews:
Well, we had a pretty cool teacher once.

Riley Matthews:
Feenay!

Topanga Matthews:
No, we actually had *one* other teacher.

Maya Hart:
Did that teacher get along with the principal?

Topanga Matthews:
Feeny was the principal.

Auggie Matthews:
Feeny taught you every year and was also your principal?

Cory Matthews:
Yes!

Auggie Matthews:
That would never happen today!

Cory Matthews:
We'll see!

Principal Yancy:
So I'm passing by your classroom on this, your second day, and I see no Mockingbird! But I still see comic books.

Harper Burgess:
Yes, we're studying the nature of good and evil!

Principal Yancy:
Ah-I don't care! Class dismissed.

Harper Burgess:
Excuse me?

Principal Yancy:
Study hall! All of you! Except Farkle, you... go sit in a garbage can.

Farkle Minkus:
Yaaaay.

[class remains seated]

Principal Yancy:
Leave... now.

[class still remains seated]

Harper Burgess:
Go.

[class leaves]

Harper Burgess:
If I may explain my lesson plan...

Principal Yancy:
Oh, there's no need, Ms. Burgess, you're fired. You are brand new, kid. You think there are heroes and villains, there aren't. There's only kids, who come and go. You really think you've affected anybody?

[Cory enters]

Cory Matthews:
Uh... what's going on here?

Harper Burgess:
I've been fired. I wanna thank you for believing in me.

Cory Matthews:
You're welcome. Oh wait, that hasn't changed. Uh, how can you possibly fire someone like her, Yancy?

Principal Yancy:
Go back to your class, Matthews.

Cory Matthews:
You're right. This isn't History, this is English. But, you know what history has in common with the great books? In turns out, there are heroes and villains. All through 'em. And the villains will always cause trouble. But there's always gonna be heroes to fight back.

Harper Burgess:
[nudges Cory and smiles] You ruined my entire lesson.

Principal Yancy:
She was hired to teach literature, but she's not! She rides a motorcycle, and she teaches comic books! How is *that* a teacher?

Cory Matthews:
That can be a great teacher. A passionate teacher, who doesn't believe that kids just come and go. And if you let her go, then... you have to be prepared to let me go as well.

Principal Yancy:
Let *you* go? Well, I wasn't prepared for that at all, just give me a second- okay, I'm good- you're fired too!

Topanga Matthews:
How was everybody's day today?

Auggie Matthews:
It was a good day, and then my friends treated me nicely, and then my teacher measured me, and I'm growing, and then Jenny Lewis loooves me.

Topanga Matthews:
Wait a minute! This already happened.

Auggie Matthews:
Yeah, I'm out of stuff.

Cory Matthews:
He's right! Nothing new happened at all!

Riley Matthews:
Dad got fired today.

Cory Matthews:
W-well, there's that... You know how you thought there might be trouble between Yancy and the new teacher?

Topanga Matthews:
The young idealist who was gonna win him over.

Cory Matthews:
She didn't... so much.

Topanga Matthews:
But you defended her?

Cory Matthews:
I did.

Topanga Matthews:
So Yancy fired you.

Cory Matthews:
So much.

Topanga Matthews:
Yancy can't fire you. According to Statute 30.28, teacher dismissals have to come from the State.

Riley Matthews:
Mom, do you know everything?

Topanga Matthews:
Yeah.

Principal Yancy:
So, I've learned, it's more difficult to get rid of two rabblerousers than I thought. Too bad for you, I've got a great relationship with the superintendent of schools. *chuckles* How's your relationship, Matthews?

[Jonathan Turner enters the room]

Mr. Turner:
Okay, so why do I have to do anything?

Cory Matthews:
Mr. Turner and I go back a bit.

Mr. Turner:
So, I hear you wanna dismiss a couple of educators, Yancy?

Principal Yancy:
She's here one day, and she's teaching comic books!

Mr. Turner:
Yeah? My first day I taught the X-Men.

Principal Yancy:
[laughs] Th-that's funny!

[realizes Turner is serious]

Principal Yancy:
Oh no!

Mr. Turner:
Now, why would I do that, I wonder? Matthews?

Cory Matthews:
Well, you took characters we already loved to show us that good and evil wasn't so black and white.

Mr. Turner:
How come?

Cory Matthews:
So we'd understand it better when you taught us real books!

Mr. Turner:
Cory, you were listening!

Cory Matthews:
How could I not? I mean, you wore a leather jacket to work everyday. You taught comic books, and you rode to work on a motorcycle.

Mr. Turner:
Right up to the day the bike and I both got totaled. But, things happen for a reason. I married my nurse.

Principal Yancy:
Awww. You fell in love with her?

Mr. Turner:
Nah, in case it ever happens again.

Mr. Turner:
[to Cory] There's a pretty cool bike parked next to your *sensible sedan* What, did you buy it from Feeny?

Cory Matthews:
Well, it only had 4 miles on it. The roll up windows are a real work out!

Mr. Turner:
Hey, Burgess. You be careful on that bike, okay?

Harper Burgess:
Thank you, sir.

Mr. Turner:
Look, Yancy, I'll observe Harper's class. I'll make my decision on her. I already made my decision on Matthews long ago.

[Yancy looks confused]

Mr. Turner:
I hired him, you know.

[surprised]

Principal Yancy:
I... did not know that. I withdraw my... objection.

Mr. Turner:
Too late for that! Too important. What a kid is taught, is what a kid becomes. That's the job we have. You ask me to see how it's being done, and I will.

Riley Matthews:
Hi!

Mr. Turner:
Hi.

Riley Matthews:
We love Harper. Do you understand, Uncle Jon?

Principal Yancy:
Real uncle, or you just call him that?

Riley Matthews:
He comes over like a million times...

[turns to Turner]

Principal Yancy:
I withdraw my complaint.

Mr. Turner:
Now, may I see what you've learned? Because that's what means everything.

Farkle Minkus:
Farkle goes first! Farkle always goes first!

Mr. Turner:
[to Cory] Stuart Minkus' kid?

Cory Matthews:
Yeah.

Mr. Turner:
Super genius?

Cory Matthews:
Outer space.

Mr. Turner:
Real human boy?

Cory Matthews:
We're not sure yet.

Mr. Turner:
You know, Matthews, I know it was you who chose Harper for these kids. Is that because she reminded you of someone?

Cory Matthews:
No.

Mr. Turner:
Okay.

Riley Matthews:
You know what else is cool? Uncle Jon used to take care of Shawn when he was younger.

Maya Hart:
Ya don't say?

Riley Matthews:
I do say. And my dad said that they were really good for each other.

Auggie Matthews:
Okay Riley, I finished this Archie comic you gave me.

Riley Matthews:
I wanted to start him on the road to good books.

Maya Hart:
What'd you learn from it, Auggs?

Auggie Matthews:
Well, this dark haired girl and this blond girl both like the same boy and they all stay best friends. Could that really happen?

Riley Matthews:
...Nah.

Maya Hart:
...Okay.

Auggie Matthews:
He was one of your teachers, Mommy?

Topanga Matthews:
Yeah. Mr. Turner helped me learn everything I know.

Auggie Matthews:
She knows everything.

Mr. Turner:
I know.

Auggie Matthews:
Was my daddy a good student?

Mr. Turner:
He was a wonderful student.

Topanga Matthews:
Why would you lie to my kid?

Mr. Turner:
He tried his best.

Topanga Matthews:
Why would you lie to my kid?

Mr. Turner:
He was so bad, he became a teacher so he could go back to school again.

Maya Hart:
So... word has it, you took care of Shawn Hunter?

Mr. Turner:
Yeah, I did. His dad was a little off and on. No kid should have that.

Maya Hart:
Yeah... Did you care about him, though? I mean, you weren't his real father.

Mr. Turner:
No, I wasn't.

Maya Hart:
But was it possible for you to...

Cory Matthews:
Yes, Maya. I loved him like a son. I still do.

Maya Hart:
That's good.

Riley Matthews:
Dad?

Cory Matthews:
Yeah?

Riley Matthews:
Thank you for being a good teacher.

Maya Hart:
Yeah, thanks.

Cory Matthews:
Boy, there's nothing better than hearing that from your students. [Topanga looks at Cory and then at Turner]

Cory Matthews:
Mr. Turner...

Topanga Matthews:
Thank you for being a good teacher.

Cory Matthews:
Yeah, thanks.

Topanga Matthews:
You gave me an A-minus once.

Cory Matthews:
Topanga...

Topanga Matthews:
I want you to change it!

Mr. Turner:
...Okay.

Lucas Friar:
You got a bike that goes with that outfit?

Harper Burgess:
1800 cc twin cam fat Bob fuel tank wide glide. What do you ride?

Riley Matthews:
He rode a sheep.

Maya Hart:
62 pound quad hoof white fleece, kind you count before you fall asleep, baah-baah.

Harper Burgess:
[to Lucas] Wanna race?

Lucas Friar:
No.

Lucas Friar:
I'll make the presentation.

Mr. Turner:
You like this teacher?

Lucas Friar:
I like both of these teachers.

Mr. Turner:
Are you familiar with the material?

Lucas Friar:
[walks towards the front of the class] Me? No, I've... I never saw this thing before, I never saw this thing in my life... yeah, I read it, I read it actually a-a lot. [goes back to his seat]

Mr. Turner:
Thanks for telling the truth.

Lucas Friar:
Yeah, I can't help myself.

Cory Matthews:
Riley, what is going on here?

Maya Hart:
Farkle kissed my hand!

Cory Matthews:
[to Farkle] You did?

Farkle Minkus:
It was glorious.

Maya Hart:
It was. I went home and questioned everything.

Cory Matthews:
[to Riley] Okay. And where were you while all this hand-kissing was going on?

Riley Matthews:
Nowhere with no one doing nothing with nobody! [Cory looks at her weirdly for a moment, before he turns to Lucas, now with a murder gaze on his face. Lucas locks eyes with him and smiles for a second before quickly getting up, climbing over desks to run out of the classroom]

Riley Matthews:
Hey! Lucas and I are friends. That's what we are, that's what we've always been. And we are not going to hurt that because you guys want us to be something we're not. So go back to your own lives, because nobody is moving too fast. [Farkle and Maya come in wearing wedding outfits]

Maya Hart:
'Sup? [throws the flower bouquet to Riley before she and Farkle walk out of the frame again]

Maya Hart:
Help me.

Riley Matthews:
Mm. No. I'm out of this. I'm just gonna sit back and enjoy whatever happens for once. [Charlie raises his hand]

Harper Burgess:
Charlie Gardner!

Riley Matthews:
Unbelievable.

Harper Burgess:
Miss Austen teaches us that romance comes with conflict. Two young women with different ideas about what love is. One hid her true feelings to protect others. She felt this made sense. The other had feelings than she knew what to do with. She was overwhelmed by sensibility.

Farkle Minkus:
[stands up] What about the character who knows all the secrets of the character who's hiding her true feelings?

Harper Burgess:
He's driven to madness and dies alone and scared.

Farkle Minkus:
[sits down, saluting her] Thank you!

[Maya and Riley read "Sense and Sensibility" at Topanga's]

Maya Hart:
What page are you on?

Riley Matthews:
304. Maya, you know how the girls decide who they love? They throw a ball.

Maya Hart:
Cinderelly!

Riley Matthews:
Apparently, these sorts of things get decided at the ball. You know what we need? A ball.

Maya Hart:
All I know is I've been reading as long as you, and I'm on page seven. I don't think this is in America.

Riley Matthews:
[in a fake British accent] What is essential to the situation, my dear Maya, is to host a ball. A grand ball. A New Year's Eve ball. We shall invite all of the eligible gentlemen of good breeding... [Charlie pops up out of nowhere]

Charlie Gardner:
I hear you're having a party.

Riley Matthews:
HOW?

Farkle Minkus:
Tell them you still like Lucas, Riley. Just tell them the truth. Don't start the new year with a lie.

Riley Matthews:
Farkle, Maya stepped back for me when she saw that I liked him. If she has feelings for him, how could I not do the same for her?

Farkle Minkus:
You don't know that. You don't know how she feels. I don't think she knows how she feels. You know why?

Riley Matthews:
Because she could only read seven pages in three hours.

Farkle Minkus:
Because all these things we're feeling are new. We don't know what they are yet. Harper said this all comes at a cost. What's your cost, Riley? Your own happiness?

Riley Matthews:
Farkle, you said that wouldn't tell anybody. How could you do this to me?

Farkle Minkus:
I'm doing it *for* you, Riley. I care so much about you, I want you to know that the truth is always the best thing.

Riley Matthews:
How is it the best thing if it turns everything into a mess?

Farkle Minkus:
You don't think this is a mess already? I want you to tell them. I know you would have me do the same thing. You ever heard of the horn of Gabriel?

Riley Matthews:
No.

Farkle Minkus:
He's an angel. They say when he blows his horn, it's the end of time. If you don't tell everybody how you really feel, his horn blows at midnight. [imitates the horn with his characteristic 'HAAAAH' catchphrase] Just because I don't do it much, doesn't mean I can't.

Harper Burgess:
Do you give in to your feelings or let your mind rule over your heart?

Maya Hart:
I follow my heart. It gets me into trouble.

Farkle Minkus:
What about you, Riley?

Riley Matthews:
My mind tells me to do what's right.

Harper Burgess:
Can anyone answer which is more valuable to follow?

Lucas Friar:
It depends on the situation.

Harper Burgess:
No, it doesn't.

Lucas Friar:
[shouting] Just taking a shot!

Harper Burgess:
Very passionate.

Lucas Friar:
Thank you!

Harper Burgess:
...And that's where we run into trouble.

Lucas Friar:
You set me up!

Isadora Smackle:
You know, Riley, as a spinster you may not be aware, but romance is very much in play on New Year's Eve. Is that right, dearest?

Farkle Minkus:
Yes. I'm told who you're with when the clock strikes twelve is how you'll spend the coming year.

Isadora Smackle:
I will certainly be with you. [Lucas arrives behind Riley] Unless my third wheel tries to intervene.

Lucas Friar:
I'm not your third wheel, Smackle! I just arrived at the same time.

Isadora Smackle:
Desperation doesn't look good on you, Lucas. Even though everything else does.

Farkle Minkus:
Smackle!

Isadora Smackle:
Which part was I not supposed to say out loud?

Farkle Minkus:
You can say whatever you want. She's mine.

Lucas Friar:
Tell *her* that!

Lucas Friar:
[sits down next to Maya] Hi.

Maya Hart:
Hi.

Riley Matthews:
[sits down next to Lucas] Hi.

Charlie Gardner:
[pops out of nowhere next to them] Heard this was gonna be awkward.

Cory Matthews:
Does it have to be next year already?

Topanga Matthews:
[checks her watch] Actually, we've still got an hour until it's next year. Let's recap what we have thus far. You and me, Riley and Auggie, all of these friends and family... You and me. No matter what happens. Next year, bring it on.

Cory Matthews:
Happy new year, Topanga.

Topanga Matthews:
Happy new year, Cory Matthews.

Riley Matthews:
[playing "The Couple's Game", picking a card] Okay, first question is for us. "What is your partner's favorite movie snack?" I know this. It's popcorn and licorice.

Charlie Gardner:
If something funny happens and she thinks she laughed too hard, she looks around the theater to see if anybody heard her. And if she thinks something scary is gonna happen, she reaches out and grabs your arm and...

Lucas Friar:
And she doesn't even know she did.

Charlie Gardner:
It's not your turn, Friar!

Lucas Friar:
And that wasn't the question, Gardner! What's her favorite snack?

Charlie Gardner:
Gummies.

Lucas Friar:
Yeah, but wh...

Charlie Gardner:
Red.

Lucas Friar:
Yeah, but what does she...

Charlie Gardner:
She bites their heads off first so they feel less pain.

Lucas Friar:
He's like a creepy creep creep!

Lucas Friar:
[reading a question for himself and Maya] "How would you describe your personality? Library or campfire?" [awkward pause around the table] Oh, well, you know... [puts the card in his mouth and eats it]

Maya Hart:
Don't worry, it's just a game! [she picks a new game card] "Is it possible to love two people at the same time?" [awkward pause around the table before Maya proceeds to put the card in her mouth and eat it, just like Lucas did]

Isadora Smackle:
My turn. "What is your partner's most ticklish place on their body?"

Riley Matthews:
Uh, Farkle and Smackle?

Maya Hart:
How would they possibly...

Lucas Friar:
...know anything like that?

Farkle Minkus:
[Smackle tickles him behind his ear] HAAAAAAHHH!

Riley Matthews:
Okay, um, we'll do one more... [picks a game card] "Have you ever kept a secret from somebody you love?" Game over.

Farkle Minkus:
Why, because you know secrets are dangerous?

Riley Matthews:
No, Farkle, because it's almost midnight.

Farkle Minkus:
And you know what happens at midnight?

Riley Matthews:
Okay, it's time to go up to the roof. [drags Farkle with her out of the apartment. The others stand back, shocked. Lucas ends up standing next to Smackle, who looks at him]

Lucas Friar:
[realizes] I just happened to be standing next to you.

Isadora Smackle:
Who's the creepy creep creep now?

Farkle Minkus:
[to Riley] You dragged me all the way up the stairs. I LIKED IT.

Maya Hart:
You're right again, aren't you, Matthews?

Cory Matthews:
Yes, I am. About what?

Maya Hart:
How easy it is to get torn apart by feelings you don't understand. It's gonna be a tough year, isn't it?

Topanga Matthews:
Oh, it doesn't get any easier. That's why you have to stick close to the people you trust so they can put you back together again.

Maya Hart:
Yeah. They're all right here, aren't they?

Cory Matthews:
They all are.

Topanga Matthews:
So why don't you go join them?

Cory Matthews:
Happy new year, Maya.

Maya Hart:
Happy new year. [kisses Topanga on the cheek and hugs Cory before standing up to go join the others on the roof. She closes the door behind her]

Topanga Matthews:
You and me. Next year...

Cory Matthews:
Bring it on.

Maya Hart:
[walks up to Lucas on the roof] Is this spot taken?

Lucas Friar:
I was saving it.

Maya Hart:
For who?

Lucas Friar:
I don't know anymore.

Maya Hart:
Hey, Lucas?

Lucas Friar:
Yeah.

Maya Hart:
Have ever said anything nice to you?

Lucas Friar:
No.

Maya Hart:
Well... It's one minute to midnight, and I'm glad you're standing here.

Lucas Friar:
[touched] Well, that kinda makes up for everything.

Farkle Minkus:
I'm sorry, guys. I did the right thing. I hope you can forgive me. Happy new year. [leaves the roof with Smackle, leaving Riley, Maya and Lucas alone]

Cory Matthews:
You got a transcript, kid?

Isaiah 'Zay' Babineaux:
[hands it to Cory] I do. Check out them grades. Here, let me sing 'em to you: D-D-D-D-D D-F!

Maya Hart:
Yeah, I know that song.

Cory Matthews:
[bursts in the door] Topanga! There could be a significant amount of drama heading in our general direction.

Topanga Matthews:
You know, normal people consider their home to be a sanctuary from the storm of the outside world. Why can't we be normal people?

Cory Matthews:
Because... we have this! [points to the door without looking at it, expecting Riley to burst in. Nothing happens] I never get those right.

Cory Matthews:
I teach this way, because in my old school, I had a very strict teacher.

Isaiah 'Zay' Babineaux:
Did he teach History, English or Math?

Cory Matthews:
[pauses slightly] I don't know.

Riley Matthews:
[after being sprayed with water from the water spreader by Lucas] Wait a minute! Wait. Lucas, I lost my contact lens!

Lucas Friar:
[starts to look for it on the ground] Oh my gosh, Riley, I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to do that... Wait a minute, since when did you... [Riley pours a bucket of water with soap in it over his head, and leaves the bucket there. She shoves him onto the car]

Riley Matthews:
You were the first boy I ever liked! That's a big deal for me. Are you worth it? Tell me, and I'll believe you. I want to believe you. Are you worth it?

Lucas Friar:
[from under the bucket] Yes.

Cory Matthews:
Where's your friend, Mr. Friar?

Lucas Friar:
I don't know. I can't always be responsible for him.

Cory Matthews:
Sure you can. But maybe in a different way now.

Lucas Friar:
[angry] Look, Zay's mouth gets him in trouble. He thinks he's tougher than he is, maybe. But he's my friend! And I care about my friends. Riley, you understand that better than anyone! What was I supposed to do? [the classmates all look at him in silence, in apparent shock to see Lucas behaving in this way. Lucas calms down] Sorry I got mad. I'm working on it, okay?

Lucas Friar:
Riley, sometimes things come out when they're supposed to come out.

Riley Matthews:
As long as you're not different than I think. Because I think a lot of you.

Lucas Friar:
I used to be different than I am now.

Riley Matthews:
What happened?

Lucas Friar:
I came here.

Isaiah 'Zay' Babineaux:
[about to be beat up by Joey] LUCAAAAS!

Lucas Friar:
Oh, not again. I'll be right back, sir. [stands up to go help Zay]

Cory Matthews:
Lucas?

Lucas Friar:
I'm okay, sir.

Cory Matthews:
Lucas!

Lucas Friar:
I'm okay, sir. If I manage to not come back expelled... then you have all changed me. [exits the classroom]

Isaiah 'Zay' Babineaux:
I did it again. I'm sorry.

Lucas Friar:
It's okay, Zay. Get out of here.

[Joey pushes Zay against the locker before he lets him go. Lucas stands in front of Joey]

Joey:
Are you kiddin' me? I had a neck in my hand. I liked it. I miss it. You my new neck?

Lucas Friar:
Are you the one? 'Cause there's one in every school, isn't it? So, in this school, you're the...

Joey:
Yeah. That's me.

Riley Matthews:
Daddy, are you going to stop this?

Cory Matthews:
Not yet.

Lucas Friar:
I couldn't help but notice your pointy boots. Back in Texas, we appreciate a nice pointy boot.

[pushes Joey against the locker and stands on his feet]

Lucas Friar:
They can end a fight real quick. Unless somebody knows to put his heel on the soft part right where your toes are.

Joey:
Ow.

Lucas Friar:
Now, I'm sure you like to throw a punch. Except I got both your wrists, and I'm as strong as a horse. I don't even work at it, I just am.

Joey:
The way I see it, all that matters is what happens after you let go.

Lucas Friar:
Yeah! I know it'd be simpler if we just start taking shots at each other. But I'm gonna tell you somethin', and you really need to hear this. In the end, you're gonna be the one on the floor, and I'm gonna be the one who walks away.

[Maya does her characteristic shudder, obviously impressed by the new side to Lucas]

Riley Matthews:
[to Maya] He's gonna be a veterinarian.

Lucas Friar:
So, I'm gonna do you a favor. I'll let you keep your reputation. And I'd like you to let me keep mine. Otherwise, we're gonna be 20 and still be in middle school. You want that?

Joey:
I *am* 20.

Lucas Friar:
So what are you doing here, Zay?

Isaiah 'Zay' Babineaux:
Well, maybe I miss my best friend, all right? Maybe I had a friend in Texas and he moved away, and I miss hanging out with him, and I convinced my entire family to pack everything...

Lucas Friar:
Your dad got transferred?

Isaiah 'Zay' Babineaux:
Yeah, same as you.

Lucas Friar:
Look, I'm glad you're here, buddy. But I don't wanna have to keep being the same guy you knew back in Texas.

Isaiah 'Zay' Babineaux:
Yeah. I'm not so sure you are.

[they walk out, Lucas with an arm around Zay's neck]

Riley Matthews:
People change people.

Cory Matthews:
The secret of life.

Riley Matthews:
Deny it.

Lucas Friar:
Riley...

Riley Matthews:
Tell me whoever this Zay kid is, that he just can't come in here and change you from the Lucas we know. Tell me nothing changes.

Maya Hart:
That's all you have to do, Lucas. You hear me? I just called you by your actual name for the first time ever. That's how important this is to me. Because it's important to her. Deny it.

Lucas Friar:
I can't.

Riley Matthews:
I like you. I went on my first date with you. Do you think it's right to let me like you without telling me who you are?

Lucas Friar:
You know who I am. I'm Ranger Rick! We rode on a white horse. I asked for your father's permission just to go on a date with you. Who does that?

Riley Matthews:
Were you thrown out of school?

Lucas Friar:
Yes.

Riley Matthews:
For a whole year?

Lucas Friar:
Yes.

Maya Hart:
I finally like you.

Riley Matthews:
[to Lucas] You told me you wanted to be a veterinarian. You told me you once gave birth to a horse.

Maya Hart:
That had to hurt.

Cory Matthews:
Al washes a car in six minutes. Fred washes the same car in eight minutes. How long does it take Al and Fred to wash the same car together?

Riley Matthews:
How is this anything?

Farkle Minkus:
Three minutes twenty-five point seven seconds.

Cory Matthews:
Wrong.

Farkle Minkus:
I'm sorry, what did you just say?

Cory Matthews:
You're wrong.

Farkle Minkus:
I'm wrong? You're a history teacher teaching English, science, whatever you've got going on at home. You waltz your wife in here on career day.

Cory Matthews:
She's a respected attorney!

Farkle Minkus:
My father says she should have been my mother!

Cory Matthews:
What do you want from me?

Lucas Friar:
Mr. Matthews teaches us about a lot of things.

[looks at Riley]

Lucas Friar:
He is open minded that way.

Riley Matthews:
He can be open minded because he knows who we are.

Lucas Friar:
[to Cory] Ooh, she took us both out.

Farkle Minkus:
[mumbles] I was "wroh."

Cory Matthews:
Excuse me?

Farkle Minkus:
I was "wrohh!"

Cory Matthews:
Well, it takes a big man to admit when he was "wrohh."

Cory Matthews:
People change people. No matter what I teach you in here, learning from the people you care about is more important than the words on any page. That's why I let you guys talk in here sometimes. That's why it's interesting.

Lucas Friar:
Farkle, what are you doing? This is "Romeo and Juliet".

Farkle Minkus:
Well, now it's "Romeo and Juliet and Farkle". I play Farkle.

Riley Matthews:
So where did you get the locket?

Maya Hart:
France.

Riley Matthews:
You were in France?

Maya Hart:
Si, se?or.

Cory Matthews:
Look, honey, it's Auggie's big book of dinosaurs! Look at that. Wow... Look. And right here on page 9, is your chicken. It's a pterodactyl. Now, it says here that it died out over 65 million years ago. That might explain why your chicken was a little dry.

Cory Matthews:
Can I tell you the truth about something? It doesn't really matter what you make for dinner. It's that you are in our house with me. Thank you for being in our house with me.

Topanga Matthews:
There's nowhere else I'd rather be.

You had everything. Family meals around a table. I wanted that. ‘How was your day, Maya?’ It was great Dad, you had that. You went to bed with a smile on your face, while I went to bed wondering if my father was going to be at the breakfast table in the morning, I wanted that!