Kenan & Kel

Kel Kimble:
Aw, here it goes.

Kenan:
Kel, grab a clown, a flagpole, and a submarine, and meet me in my room! Come on, Buffalo Bottoms! [Runs away]

Kel Kimble:
Kenan, how am I gonna carry all of that stuff? Well, I guess I could put the clown and the flagpole inside the submarine, but it still SEEMS RATHER DIFFICULT! Aww, here it goes!

Kenan:
Oh, you know that reminds me. Kel I think we left our... [thinks for an excuse] donkey in the kitchen.

Kel Kimble:
[they go in the kitchen and Kel looks around for a donkey] Kenan, where's the donkey we left in here?

Kenan:
There's no donkey in here!

Kel Kimble:
What, you mean he ran away? Well, maybe we can catch him! [opens the door and runs out] Donkey! Come on donkey, come back! Donkey please! We love you, donkey! [Kenan closes the door and Kel can be faintly heard yelling donkey at the top of his lungs]

Kenan:
Kel, grab a brain, a heart, and some courage, and meet me at the Emerald City! Now come on, Ozzy!

Kel Kimble:
Kenan, I already have a heart, and [deep voice] courage! Kenan? Aww... here it goes!

Kenan:
Who loves orange soda?

Kel Kimble:
K-K-Kel loves orange soda.

Kenan:
Is it true? Is it TRUUUUE?

Kel Kimble:
MMMHHMMM! I do, I do, I do-oooh!

[repeated line]

Kenan:
WHY?

Chris Potter:
Shiny cow. Shiny cow. Mooo.

Chris Potter:
[while taking inventory of potatoes in the store] One potato, two potato, three potato, four.

Kel Kimble:
Kenan, I don't touch a tarantula.

[repeated line]

Kel Kimble:
Ah here goes!

[Kenan and Kel are being chased by bikers in the middle of a biker bar]

Kenan:
[to distract the bikers] Look, the Great Wall Of China!

[All of the bikers stop, including Kel, and they all stare into the direction of where Kenan pointed, as if the Great Wall Of China were really there]

Kenan:
[approaches Kel] Kel.

Kel Kimble:
Shh, Kenan, I'm looking at the Great Wall Of China.

Kenan:
[yelling in his ear] There ain't no Great Wall Of China over there! I mean, run!

[the bikers continue the chase around the bar]

[repeated line]

Kenan:
WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY?

Kel Kimble:
[while sneaking up behind Kenan, who is rummaging through his locker] BOO!

Kenan:
[jumps and bangs his head on his locker] Man, don't do that!

Kel Kimble:
How come?

Kenan:
Because I don't like starting off my day with a concussion. Call me unusual.

[repeated line heard at the end of the first two seasons]

Kenan:
[narrating] "Kenan & Kel" was recorded in front of a live audience at Nickelodeon Studios Orlando at Universal Studios, Florida.

Kel Kimble:
[enters Rigby's] What's happenin'?

Chris Potter:
Kel, could you please toss me the duster? [grabs a can of peas and chucks it at him] Oh! Ah! What did you do that for?

Kel Kimble:
Well, you told me to throw a can of peas at ya.

Chris Potter:
I asked you to toss me the *duster!*

Kel Kimble:
Oh, I'm sorry. It sounded like you said throw a can of peas at ya.

Chris Potter:
Why would I ask you to throw a can of peas at me?

Kel Kimble:
I don't know. I thought it seemed kind of strange.

Chris Potter:
YOU SEEM KIND OF STRANGE! [he leaves]

Kel Kimble:
Sheesh, what's his problem?

Kenan:
Kel, you just hit the man with a can of food!

Kel Kimble:
You're out of orange soda.

Kenan Rockmore:
That's impossible, we just put some in the refrigerator.

Kel Kimble:
Yeah, and you're out of refrigerators too.

Kenan Rockmore:
Kel, those guys weren't bugmen, they were robbers!

Kel Kimble:
Oh... [faints]

Kenan Rockmore:
This sure is some good pizza, isn't it, Kel?

Kel Kimble:
It sure is, but it's not as good as the pizza we had four pizzas ago.

Officer McWiggins:
[Seeing Kel passed out on the floor] What's wrong with him?

Kenan Rockmore:
A lot of things. Basically, he just passed out when he found out we were robbed.

Roger Rockmore:
Now, son, you know you can talk to your father about anything. What's wrong?

Kenan:
Well, a witch cast a bad luck spell on me and then she gave Kel some kind of a love potion and now he thinks he's in love with her.

Roger Rockmore:
Uh... Talk to your mother.

Sheryl Rockmore:
Did I hear you correctly. Did you say a witch?

Kenan:
Yeah, and I know it sounds strange but she was scratching and she's got a green tongue and she smells like fire!

Kel Kimble:
And she's cute!

Kenan:
Quiet, Kel! Kel thinks he's in love with her! Look at him!

Sheryl Rockmore:
Now Kenan, there's no such thing as witches. And did you ever think that maybe Kel really could be in love?

Kenan:
Please! He's just a boy!

Roger Rockmore:
Maybe she is a witch!

Sheryl Rockmore:
Roger!

Roger Rockmore:
Well, she wants Kel to like her. There must be something wrong with her!

Kel Kimble:
Yeah! Huh?

Teacher:
Today we're going to be talking about witchcraft, and we're going to start by discussing the Salem Witch Trials.

Kel Kimble:
Which trials?

Teacher:
Yes, the witch trials.

Kel Kimble:
No um, which trials are you talking about?

Teacher:
Salem Witch Trials.

Kel Kimble:
[to Kenan] Stogie's all confused, she doesn't understand me.

Kenan:
Kel, the woman is talking about witch trials. You know, trials about witches, witchcraft.

Teacher:
The woman, is talking about witchcraft.

Kel Kimble:
Which CRAFT are you talking about? I mean there are a lot of crafts, like arts and crafts, cooking crafts...

Teacher:
Please! Don't speak! [Kel zips his mouth shut and looks for a place to throw away the key]

Kenan:
Give it here!

Becky:
The Salem Witch Trials were held in Salem, Massachusetts in the year 1692.

Teacher:
Very good!

Becky:
20 people were falsely accused of being witches. With little or no evidence they were PUT to death.

Marc Cram:
Well, maybe they WERE witches.

Kenan:
Oh come on! Everybody knows that there's no such thing as witches.

Becky:
That's not true. There ARE witches, there are a LOT of witches.

Teacher:
Well it is true that people actually still practice witchcraft.

Becky:
That's right, but that doesn't make them evil monsters. Most of the people who practice witchcraft are normal like you, or you, or me!

Kenan:
Ah! Normal people, like you! [his chair breaks]

Kenan:
Ever since she looked at me weird, I've been having bad luck: my chair broke, and then I got hit in the head with a soccer ball, I got doggy doo on my shoe on the way to work, and NOW, I got a paper cut!

Kenan:
How can you tell if somebody's a witch?

Chris Potter:
There are many ways. Some witches have a real distinct odor, some say they smell almost like fire.

Kenan:
What else?

Chris Potter:
Some witches scratch themselves a lot, and have green tongues. Witches also have feet that curl up like crow's feet. And remember this, witches can cast good spells and bad spells, AND, if a witch doesn't like you... BEWARE! Well, of course there's no such thing as witches these days.

Kel Kimble:
Yeah, no such thing.

Kenan:
She's scratching! She's scratching!

Kel Kimble:
Well maybe she got some dust blown on her or something.

Kenan:
Oh yeah, THAT'S realistic, she's a witch!

Kenan:
Tongue is green! Her tongue is green! [does imaginary equation] And green tongue plus scratching, equals witch!

Kel Kimble:
[mimics erasing equation off blackboard] You can't add things that aren't numbers! Duh!

Kenan:
Smells like fire! All barbecuey!

Kel Kimble:
Well maybe she WAS on fire.

Kenan:
She wasn't on FIRE, Kel, man she's a witch!

Becky:
Kel, I know how much you like orange soda, so I made you a special orange drink. I made it myself. [Kenan screams] I love to experiment in the kitchen.

Kenan:
I'll bet you do!

Kel Kimble:
That's cool, I'll try some right now.

Kenan:
No Kel don't drink it, Kel stop drinking it, AWW he's drinking it! He's drinking!

Kel Kimble:
Hey that's good, [offers to Kenan] try some!

Kenan:
[knocks it on the floor] Noooooooooo! Fruit basket!

Roger Rockmore:
Maybe she IS a witch.

Sheryl Rockmore:
Roger!

Roger Rockmore:
Well she wants Kel to like her, there must be SOMETHING wrong with her.

Kenan:
It says here that the tongue can be a very powerful weapon in the fight against evil.

Kel Kimble:
[sticks his tongue out] Du dung?

Kenan:
Yeah, the tongue. It says in order to beat the witch, we have to bathe all her personal possessions in our goodness.

Kel Kimble:
'Ith our dungs?

Kenan:
Yeah, it makes sense. So all we gotta do is bathe all her bad stuff in our good saliva.

Kel Kimble:
Wait wait wait, you telling me we need to go to this girl's house, and spit all over her stuff?

Kenan:
No Kel, that would be silly, we gonna LICK all her stuff.

Kenan:
I'm gonna ask Amy out. That's all there is to it.

Kel Kimble:
But Kenan, your dad said...

Kenan:
Kel! My father's married. He doesn't understand what it means to love a woman.

Kenan:
[after leaving an answering machine message on the Dawsons' phone] I'm sorry! Oh forgive me! Please don't fire my daddy! This isn't even Kenan. This is... [with bad hispanic accent] Fernando. Fernando Monteban. I don't know nobody named Kenan. I... [loses accent] oh! [hangs up]

Kel Kimble:
Smoooth.

Kel Kimble:
[Kel refuses to help Kenan break into the jewellers and return diamonds Roger supposedly stole] Kenan, Read my lips; Nay!

Kenan Rockmore:
Read *My* lips [blows a raspberry at Kel]

Kel Kimble:
Ooh, do that again!

Kenan Rockmore:
No, man! I need you, I can't put those diamonds back by myself.

Police Officer:
[over bullhorn] Release the hostages and we won't beat you!

Messenger:
Whoa! Hostages almost rhymes with sausages!

Miss Kaso:
Why are you still here?

Chris Potter:
What's with all the hullabaloo?

Kenan Rockmore, Kel Kimble:
[look at each other, and then raise their arm confused] Hullabaloo?

Chris Potter:
You know what I mean.

Kel Kimble:
[as he hangs by a ladder from a helicopter, after his pants and underpants have accidentally been ripped off] It's cold up here!

Kenan Rockmore:
One more floor

Kel Kimble:
Man... I wish I had some fresh squeezed juice. [Kenan gives him dirty look, then breaks down]

Kenan Rockmore:
Kel... I can't go on, Man. You just take the banner along and go... Leave me here to die! [sobs]

Kel Kimble:
Ok! [goes to leave]

Kenan Rockmore:
Wait man, Wait!

Kel:
[rapping] Now let me tell you a little somethin' about an orange drink/It's cold, carbonated and it sure ain't pink/So forget about your coffee and your sausage link/'Cause Orange Soda's in town/and it's time to drink Orange Soda!

Crowd:
Orange Soda!

Kel:
Awwwww yeah! Now wave your cans in the air! I said wave your cans in the air! And wave 'em like ya just don't care! And if ya like livin' in Chicago Then let me hear ya say "Oooohh Yeah!"

Crowd:
Oooh Yeah!

Chris:
Hey! Hey! What happened to my store? Why are people waving Orange soda in the air as if they just don't care?

Guy with Piercings:
Hey, three bucks to get in, Dude!

Chris:
Listen, this MY store! And take those pins out of your head!

Kenan Rockmore:
[sees news article on Chicago blaming them for Ron Harper's injury] Oh no!

Kel Kimble:
Aw man!

Kenan Rockmore:
Kel, look!

Kel Kimble:
I know, man. the Pope has canceled his trip to Acapulco!

Kenan Rockmore:
[On Kyra's Kel sculpture] What are they teaching you? Nasty freak monsters?

Kyra Rockmore:
This head happens to look exactly like Kel!

Kenan Rockmore:
Like I said, what are they teaching you? Nasty freak monsters? [Kenan, Kel, and Sheryl laugh]

Kel Kimble:
[stops laughing] Hey, wait a minute!

Roger Rockmore:
Cheryl, I'll see you later!

Sheryl Rockmore:
Roger, where are you going?

Roger Rockmore:
AFTER KEL! [jumps out of window]

Kel Kimble:
[shows a painting of a beautiful sunset on a beach] Hey, Chris. Check it out.

Chris Potter:
Wow! That's terrif. Who's the artist?

Kel Kimble:
Me. [chuckles]

Chris Potter:
You!

Kel Kimble:
Yeah. I painted it in art class.

Chris Potter:
Wow. I'm impressed. I always thought you were talentless.

Kel Kimble:
Man, thanks! [Chris give him a hi-5]

Kenan Rockmore:
Kel, what're you doing with the water, man?

Kel Kimble:
Watering Norman, I got him in my pocket.

Kenan Rockmore:
You can't keep a fish in your pocket! Although it DOES give me an interesting idea.

Kel Kimble:
It does?

Kenan Rockmore:
Yep. Kel, grab a door, a talking cow, and a throat lozenge, and meet me at the frozen yogurt shop. Come on, fishy!

Kel Kimble:
Kenan! Don't the frozen yogurt shop GOT a door? Kenan, can I bring Norman? Kenan! Awww here it goes!

Kenan Rockmore:
Kel, I think I'm forgetting something.

Kel Kimble:
What's wrong, Kenan?

Kenan Rockmore:
I don't know. I just feel like I've forgotten something, you know?

Kel Kimble:
Maybe you forgot how to make cookies.

Kenan Rockmore:
I don't know how to make cookies.

Kel Kimble:
I know, cuz you forgot!

Kel Kimble:
Kenan, I think I know what you forgot.

Kenan Rockmore:
[panicky] I think I know too!

Kel Kimble:
You forgot to tell your daddy that you broke the window in his car. [Roger exclaims]

Kenan Rockmore:
No, I forgot to tell my daddy I left my limbo stick in a jar, come on!

Kenan Rockmore:
KEL! What are you doing?

Kel Kimble:
Giving the fish some orange soda.

Kenan Rockmore:
Orange so... why?

Kel Kimble:
Well, he might get thirsty.

Kenan Rockmore:
Thirsty? Man he lives in water! How thirsty can he be?

Kenan Rockmore:
Need a bowl! Big bowl! Oh where do they keep the bowls? Oh the bowls! Ah! [takes out a colander and fills it] Here we go! Here we go! [water runs out] AWWW! Bowl with the holes in it!

Kenan Rockmore:
Okay, we can still fix this: all we gotta do is go to the store and buy some new plants, come back, fix the bowl, clean out the fish tank, drop little Norman in, and then go home.

Kel Kimble:
Man this has been one busy day. [drinks from the trophy they put Norman in]

Kenan Rockmore:
Aw! Fire in the kitchen! Fire in the kitchen, man! And a huge glove growing in the sink no less.

Kenan Rockmore:
Officer, sir cop, police man you know, I would love to explain this whole KOOKY mix-up to you. It's actually kind of funny, not so much ha-ha funny as it is more [put foot on coffee table and breaks it, takes notepad out of pocket] Fix - table.

Policeman:
I think we've seen just about enough here! You two are coming downtown right now!

Kenan Rockmore:
No wait, I mean you can't take us downtown: we still have to fix the plants, the fish tank, the bowl, the vacuum cleaner, the trophy...

Kel Kimble:
The oboe!

Policeman:
Yeah and the faucet and the curtains and the ceiling and the toilet and the table all BEFORE Chris comes home.

Kel Kimble:
Hey did Chris notice that his plants were all dead?

Kenan Rockmore:
No Kel, he came home to his flooded, burnt, ruined house, and THEN noticed the plants.

Kel Kimble:
Ah! Close one!

Kenan Rockmore:
Yeah... but lucky for us, Chris's insurance is going to pay for everything and plus his mother wanted to redecorate anyway.

Policeman:
We found this to-do list in the Jackhammer's cell. As you can see, right at the top of the list 'Escape from prison' has been crossed off. And you'll notice just below that it says...

Kenan Rockmore:
Pick up dry cleaning?

Policeman:
No, below that.

Kenan Rockmore:
Oh, get Kenan Rockmore. OHHH he gonna get me!

Kel Kimble:
Ooh! What he gonna get you?

Chris Potter:
Hey Kenan, what's with the getup?

Kenan Rockmore:
It's supposed to be a disguise man, so the Jackhammer can't find me.

Chris Potter:
Oh please, that disguise isn't going to fool anybody.

Kel Kimble:
[comes in] Oh hey, you guys seen Kenan?

Kenan Rockmore:
Kel, it's me!

Kel Kimble:
[confused] And I'm ME!

Kenan Rockmore:
Kel, nobody is going to buy a shirt that says 'Friend of Hero'.

Kel Kimble:
False information, I already bought five.

Kel Kimble:
[after braining the pizza boy with a vase] Aww man! I wanted pepperoni!

Kenan Rockmore:
Kel, the pizza boy's unconscious.

Kel Kimble:
I know, but I wanted pepperoni!

Kenan Rockmore:
Kel! He's here! Quick, give me something to hit him with!

Kel Kimble:
[hands Kenan a roll of paper towels] There ya go.

Kenan Rockmore:
Thanks. [realizes, throws it at Kel] Preferably something NOT soft!

Kel Kimble:
Oh! [grabs frying pans] How about these?

Sheryl Rockmore:
Kenan! We came home as soon as we heard the Jackhammer escaped. [Kel knocks her out with the frying pan]

Kenan Rockmore:
What'd you hit my mama for?

Kel Kimble:
How was I supposed to know it was your mama?

Kenan Rockmore:
Because the lights' on and you KNOW my mama!

Kel Kimble:
...My bad.

Kenan Rockmore:
AWW all the doors are all open! Look, stay in here and try not to knock out or re-knock anybody else out!

Kel Kimble:
Fine, I won't knock anyone out.

Kenan Rockmore:
Kel! The next time a big scary man is choking me, and YOU holding a frying pan, I would REALLY appreciate it if you [Kel knocks him out]

Kel Kimble:
I brought some home videos, you know, to get your mind off things.

Kenan Rockmore:
Ah, good, what'd you get?

Kel Kimble:
Well I got 'Revenge is Sweet', 'Sweet, Sweet Revenge' and 'Revenge Equals Pain'.

Kenan Rockmore:
Kel, grab some nail polish, some nail polish remover, and any third item, and meet me over there. Come on, velvet!

Kel Kimble:
Kenan! Why we getting nail polish if we just gonna remove it? Kenan! I can't think of a third item! Oh wait a minute, how about a compass? Kenan? Kenan! Awwww here it goes!

Kel Kimble:
My brain is so powerful. I bet I can break this desk with it! [hits head on desk]

Kenan Rockmore:
[after Kenan gets his IQ test results] I got a 3.

Roger Rockmore:
You got a 3?

Kenan Rockmore:
Yes! A 3!

Sheryl Rockmore:
A 3?

Kenan Rockmore:
Yes! You know, More than 2, less than 4!

Kel Kimble:
3 is less than a *lot* of numbers!

Kenan:
Have I ever given you one reason not to trust me?

Kel Kimble:
No.

Kenan:
All right...

Kel Kimble:
You've given me a *thousand* reasons!

Kenan:
Name one.

Kel Kimble:
You talked me into wearing pantyhose, you talked me into tickling that policeman, you talked me into getting bat mitzvahed...

Kenan:
Hey, it's bar mitzvahed!

Kel Kimble:
You talked me into drinking fish grease...

Kenan:
Ugggghhhh!

Kel Kimble:
You talked me into selling my kidney, you talked me into gluing myself to the train. Remember that?

Kenan:
Oh yeah, you ran pretty fast.

Kel Kimble:
I had to!

Chinese Waiter:
May I take your order?

Kel Kimble:
Yes, yes. I will have a hamburger, onion rings, spaghetti and meatballs, corn, macaroni and cheese, and a pitcher of your finest orange soda.

[blows out a kiss]

Chinese Waiter:
Sir, this is a Chinese restaurant.

Kel Kimble:
Oh, I'm sorry.

[speaking nonsense Chinese loudly]

Kel Kimble:
Mama say mama manyu maku say.

Chinese Waiter:
You want me to park your truck on my mother's face?

[the waiter becomes angry and approaches Kel as if he were to hurt him, but Kenan stops him]

Kenan:
Hey, hey, hey! Mr. waiter! Sir! Um, what do you suggest? Never mind him.

Chinese Waiter:
[clears throat quietly] I suggest you start with a Pupu Platter.

Kyra Rockmore:
Ew!

Kenan:
Kyra, please, all right? Now, what exactly comes on the Pupu Platter?

Kel Kimble:
I don't want any poo-poo!

Kenan:
[Kenan and Kel run into the bathroom with the sweeter] Aww man, look at this!

Kenan:
Maybe it'll come out! let me see it!

Kenan:
[Kenan puts soap on the sweeter] Hey man, this had better work!

Kel Kimble:
Oh, don't worry, I got it!

Kenan:
Oh man, you just made it soapy!

Kel Kimble:
You gotta rinse it out! Umm... [Kel runs to the toilet and stuffs the sweeter in it] .

Kenan:
Hey, wait, wait, Kel! Kel! Kel! Man, What're you doin'? Kel!

Kenan:
[Kel hold the sweeter up and it all wet from the toilet] Man, now it's stained and full of all nasty toilet juice! Man, that's never gonna dry!

Kel Kimble:
Wait... yes it will! [Kell attempts to ring the sweeter out onto Kenan]

Kenan:
Aw, no! Not the toilet juice!

Kel Kimble:
[the toliet water from the sweeter gets onto Kenan's pants] Oooh... you know what that looks like?

Kenan:
Yes, I know what it looks like!

Kenan:
[Kenan and Kel run into the bathroom with the sweater] Aww man, look at this!

Kenan:
Maybe it'll come out! let me see it!

Kenan:
[Kenan puts soap on the sweater] Hey man, this had better work!

Kel Kimble:
Oh, don't worry, I got it!

Kenan:
Oh man, you just made it soapy!

Kel Kimble:
You gotta rinse it out! Umm... [Kel runs to the toilet and stuffs the sweater in it] .

Kenan:
Hey, wait, wait, Kel! Kel! Kel! Man, What're you doin'? Kel!

Kenan:
[Kel hold the sweater up and it all wet from the toilet] Man, now it's stained and full of all nasty toilet juice! Man, that's never gonna dry!

Kel Kimble:
Wait... yes it will! [Kell attempts to ring the sweater out onto Kenan]

Kenan:
Aw, no! Not the toilet juice!

Kel Kimble:
[the toliet water from the sweeter gets onto Kenan's pants] Oooh... you know what that looks like?

Kenan:
Yes, I know what it looks like!

Roger Rockmore:
Kenan!

Kenan:
Pop!

Roger Rockmore:
What in the world is going on here? And what is Kyra doing here?

Sheryl Rockmore:
And boy where in the world are your pants?

Kenan:
Tell your Grandmomma I'm sorry!

Kenan:
What?

Kel Kimble:
Her Grandmomma's dead!

Kel Kimble, Kenan:
Oh maaaaaaannnnnn!

Roger Rockmore:
[after Kenan's scheme for his fake parents to meet his principal backfires] Who are all of you?

William Buckman III:
Er, uh... we're the Rockmores!

Sheryl Rockmore:
*We're* The Rockmores.

Principal Dimly:
I'm confused.

Kel Kimble:
I'm outta here.

Kel Kimble:
[tries to run but is grabbed by Roger] Uh!

Kenan Rockmore:
[starts to cry] I'm in trouble.

[hides behind door]

Chris Potter:
[noticing Bill Bellamy at the store] I think he's in town filming a movie.

Kel Kimble:
Or maybe he's in town looking for his evil twin brother! Wait a minute... how do we know he's not the evil twin?

[gasps]

Chris Potter:
Because... he's not?

Kenan Rockmore:
[Runs to the store] What's up, Boss?

Chris Potter:
[stacking melons] You're late. Why do you always have to be *late* for work?

Kenan Rockmore:
Uh, I had a problem with my car.

Chris Potter:
You don't *have* a car.

Kenan Rockmore:
That's the problem!

Kenan Rockmore:
Listen. Man; think about how cool it's gonna be when we get our own car. No more waiting for the bus. No more walking to school in the now. And we get to go out on dates!

Kel Kimble:
I don't wanna date you! [pulls away repulsed]

Kenan Rockmore:
Not me, man! Girls!

Kel Kimble:
Oh, girls! [laughs]

Chris Potter:
Who violated the Googoo puffs?

Kenan Rockmore:
Didn't you feel the earth quake?

Chris Potter:
There's no earthquakes in Chicago! Wind; sure!

Kenan Rockmore:
See...

Chris Potter:
Be quiet! Kenan; This is coming out of your paycheck! Clean up these puffs, Pronto! And Kel; You're fired!

Kel Kimble:
But I don't work here.

Chris Potter:
See to it that you don't!

Chris Potter:
So, Ned, is it? You were supposed to fill out the application before you came in here.

Ned:
Are you telling me what to do?

Chris Potter:
Telling? I wouldn't say telling, suggesting maybe.

Ned:
Because I don't like people telling me what to do!

Kenan:
Um, Ned, Did you ever think that part of having a job was people telling you what to do?

Ned:
NOBODY TELLS ME WHAT TO DO!

[leaves abruptly]

Kenan:
[after Kenan and Kel return from the comic book convention, having left Sharla to fend herself] Hey Sharla, I'm ba... What happened?

Kel Kimble:
Well, Obviously the register broke, the ice machine overflowed and the hot dogs caught on fire.

Kenan:
Duh.

Roger Rockmore:
[Noticing a pilot has parachuted out of a plane thanks to Kenan and Kel's Intervention] He Jumped out? Why? Where'd the Plane go?

Kenan Rockmore, Kel Kimble:
[Crying] Nebraska!

Kel Kimble:
[to Kenan] When you have kids, can they call me Uncle Kel Kel? "Hey, Uncle Kel Kel! We love you, Uncle Kel Kel! Do that funky dance, Uncle Kel Kel!"

Kel Kimble:
[after Sheryl kicks the boys out of the living room] Fine, I don't wanna be in your, your stupid old book club, anyhow! Oh, and by the way; I found Petals of Sorrow to be Amateurish, The Exposition was tedious and the characters were One-dimensional! Heard what I said? One-dimensional!

Officer:
What happened here?

Kel Kimble:
Alright, I'm tired of that question! We got into an accident, Fool!

Kenan Rockmore:
Officer, I can explain

Chauffeur:
[Trapped in trunk of Limo] Hey! Get me out of this trunk!

Officer:
What's that?

Kenan Rockmore:
That's a little hard to explain... See ya! [Both he and Kel run]

Kel:
I... I put the s-s-s-screw in the TU-U-U-U-U-UNA!

Kel Kimble:
[sobbing and screaming loudly] I... dropped the screw... in the tuna!

Kel Kimble:
[weeping] I, put the screw, in the tuna!

Kel Kimble:
Maybe a ninja stole your watch! He broke into your room all like, "I'm a ninja! I'm a ninja!"

Kel Kimble:
[to Maitre'D After stealing Chris' Turkey] Don't tell *nobody*! [He and Kenan run]

Kenan:
[in Kenan's kitchen] Man, look at this mess!

Kel Kimble:
What happened?

Kenan:
[talking about a chimpanzee they adopted] The monkey. The monkey happened!

Kenan:
[speaking to Kel] Oh, man. Your insides were more orange than a Nickelodeon logo!