Megamind

Megamind:
Here's my day so far: went to jail, lost the girl of my dreams and got my butt kicked pretty good. Still, things could be a lot worse. Oh, that's right... I'm falling to my death. Guess they can't. How did it all come to this, you ask? My end starts at the beginning...the very beginning! [Shows baby Megamind] Yes, that's me. I had a fairly standard childhood. I came from, what you might call, a broken home. Literally broken. I was 8 days old and still living with my parents. How sad is that? Clearly, it was time to move on. [just before a planet is pulled into a black hole, a couple places their child in a rocket ship and make a prophecy of his future that is cut off] I didn't quite hear that last part, but it sounded important. Destined for what? [just as the rocket ship leaves, another planet that gets pulled into the hole sends off their own rocket ship, and the two collide with each other and race to Earth] I set out to find my destiny. Turns out a kid from the Glaupunkt quadrant had the exact same idea. That was the day I met Mr. Goody-Two-Shoes, and our glorious rivalry was born! [they go to Earth. Megamind sees a fancy home] Could this be what I was destined for? A dream life filled with luxury? [Metro Man's ship knocks Megamind's away from the house before he can reach it] Apparently not! Even fate picks its favourties. No big deal. A much different fate awaited me. [Megamind's ship crash-lands into a prison] Luckily, I found a lovely little place to call home, a place that taught me the differences between right and wrong. Mr. Goody-Two-Shoes, on the other hand, had life handed to him on a silver platter, the power of flight, invulnerability, and great hair. But I had something far, far greater: my amazing intellect, and knack for building objects of mayhem. [Young Megamind's invention causes many prisoners to be free, angering the warden] After a few years, and with some time off for good behavior, I was given an opportunity to better myself through learning at a strange place called "shool". It was there that I once again ran into Mr. Goody-Two-Shoes. He had already amassed a gigantic army of soft-headed groupies. He bought their affections with showmanship and extravagant gifts of deliciousness. So, I, too, would make this popp-ed corn and win over those mindless drones. [One day, he tried to do so, but horribly failed] That's when I learned a very hard lesson: good receives all the praise and adulation while evil is sent to quiet time in the corner. So fitting in wasn't really an option. While they were learning the Itsy Bitsy Spider, I learned how to dehydrate animate objects and rehydrate them at will. Somedays, it felt like it was just me and Minion against the world. No matter how hard I tried, I was always the odd man out, the last one picked, the screw-up, the black sheep, the bad boy. Was this my destiny? Wait! Maybe it was. Being bad is the one thing I'm good at. Then it hit me: if I was the bad boy, then I was going to be the baddest boy of them all! I was destined to be a supervillain, and we were destined to be rivals. The die had been cast, and so began an enduring, epic, lifelong career, and I loved it! Our battles quickly got more elaborate. He would win some, I would almost win others. He took the name: Metro Man, defender of Metrocity. I decided to pick something a little more humble: Megamind, incredibly handsome criminal genius and master of all villainy!

Megamind:
[to Roxanne, exasperated] Let's stop wasting time and call your boyfriend in tights, shall we?!

Megamind:
Warming up? THE SUN IS WARMING UP?!

Megamind:
[about the Defuser warming up] Oh, you've gotta be KIDDING me! Minion, if I live, I will kill you.

Megamind:
You might not want to be here in the next 2 minutes, 37 seconds. We're having the walls and ceiling removed...

Megamind:
Imagine the most horrible, terrifying, evil thing you can possibly think of... and multiply it... BY SIX!!!

Megamind:
Minion, I'm a villain without a hero. A yin with no yang! A bullfighter with no bull to fight! In other words, I have no purpose!

Megamind:
[at the Metro Man Museum] I've made a horrible mistake. I didn't mean to destroy you. I mean, I meant to destroy you, but I didn't think it would really work. I'm so tired of running rampant through the streets. What's the point of being bad when there's no good to try and stop you? I had so many evil plans in the works - the illiteracy beam, typhoon-cheese, robo-sheep... [starting to cry] Battles we will now never have. You know, I never had the chance to say goodbye. So it's good that we have this time now...you know, before I destroy the place. Nothing personal, it just brings back too many painful memories.

Megamind:
Okay, Minion! You were right! I was... less right! We should stick to what we’re good at: being bad. (No response) Minion?

Megamind:
[after waiting hours for Titan to show up] This is EMBARASSING! Wholly inconsiderate, boneheaded, irresponsible, rude, unprofessional... That's what this is! Would Metro Man have kept me waiting? Of course not, he was a pro!

Megamind:
[during the final battle, we return to the opening sequence where we was falling to his death. narrating] So, this is how it ends. Normally, I'd chalk this up to my last glorious failure. [Megamind sees a fountain and activates the Defuser Gun] But not today! What can I say? Old habits die hard.

Megamind:
[mispronouncing "hello"] Ollo.

Megamind:
[narrating] Funny, I guess destiny is not the path given to us, but the path we choose for ourselves. I have to admit, being good has its perks. [The mayor pronounces Megamind defender of Metro City] You know, I like the sound of that.

Metro Man:
Alright, put your hands in the air!

Metro Man:
Yeah, Metro City!

Metro Man:
Although getting a whole museum is super-cool, is super-cool, you want to know what the greatest honour you've given me is? Do you really want to know? Really? I'll tell you. The greatest honor you've given me is letting me serve you, the helpless people of Metro City.

Metro Man:
I started to realise, despite all my powers, each and every citizen of Metro City had something I didn't: a choice. Ever since I can remember, I've always had to be what this city wanted me to be. What about what I wanted to do? Then it suddenly hit me - I do have a choice! I can be whatever I wanna be! No one said that this hero thing had to be a lifetime gig. But you can't just quit either. That's when I got the brilliant idea... to fake my death.

Metro Man:
[to Megamind] You know, little buddy, there's a yin for every yang. If there's bad, good will rise up against it. It's taken me a long time to find my calling. Now it's about time you find yours.

Metro Man:
[to Megamind] Way to go, little buddy. I knew you had it in you...

Roxanne Ritchi:
[Megamind, who is disguised as Bernard, starts to cry] Bernard... I-I didn't know you... had... feelings. Are you okay?

Roxanne Ritchi:
[looking around, while being held captive in Megamind's lair] Is there some kind of nerdy super-villain website where you get Tesla coils and blinky dials?

Roxanne Ritchi:
[her eulogy for Metro Man] He was always there for us. Dependable. Perhaps we took him for granted. You know, maybe, we never really know how good we have it until it's gone. We miss you, Metro Man. I miss you. And I have just one question for Megamind: Are you happy now? This is Roxanne Ritchi, reporting from a city without a hero.

Roxanne Ritchi:
Megamind... I don't even know if you're listening, but if you are, you can't give up! The Megamind I know would never run from a fight, even if he knew he had no chance of winning! It was your best quality. You need to be that guy right now! This city needs you! I need you.

Hal Stewart/Titan/Tighten:
[after Megamind breaks into his apartment room] Is this a robbery? Because the lady across the hall has way better stuff than me!

Hal Stewart/Titan/Tighten:
[about teaming up with Megamind] I even drew up some new costume designs, see? [holds out pieces of paper] You'd be the brain so you'd get a little brain, wearing glasses on your costume, or something. And since I'm the cool one, I'd have, like, two tanks swordfighting...

Hal Stewart/Titan/Tighten:
[beating up Megamind] This is for stealing my girlfriend! This one's for Space-Dad making a fool out of me! And Megamind, this one's for Space-Stepmom! YOU LIED TO HER!

Hal Stewart/Titan/Tighten:
Consider yourselves under new management!

Hal Stewart/Titan/Tighten:
YOU SHOULD STOP COMPARING ME TO METRO MAN!!!

Hal Stewart/Titan/Tighten:
Hey, Metro-losers. This is Metro Tower. They say it's supposed to be a symbol of our city's strength, but for me, it's a reminder of the day this woman ferociously ripped out my heart! And I hate reminders!

Hal Stewart/Titan/Tighten:
You're so naive, Roxy. You see the good in everyone, even when it's not there. You're living a fantasy. There is no Easter Bunny, there is no Tooth Fairy, and there is no Queen of England! This is the real world, and you need to wake up!

Hal Stewart/Titan/Tighten:
[last lines] I'm bad! I'm bad! That's right. Yeah!

Minion:
I'm calling it: The Black Mambaaaaaaaa!

Megamind:
Any chance you could give me the time? I don't want to be late for the opening of the Metro Man Museum.

Warden:
[looks down at watch] Oh, no. Looks like you're gonna miss it, by several thousand years.

Roxanne:
Happy Metro Man Day, Metro City. It's a beautiful day in beautiful downtown, where we're here to honor a beautiful man, Metro Man. His heart is an ocean that's inside a bigger ocean. For years, he's been watching us with his super-vision, saving us with his super-strength and caring for us with his super-heart. Now it's our turn to give something back. This is Roxanne Ritchi, reporting live from the dedication of the Metro Man Museum. [gestures to Hal to stop filming]

Hal:
Wow. Okay, the stuff they make you read on-air, that's un-freaking-believable. It's crazy.

Roxanne:
I wrote that piece myself, Hal.

Hal:
What I was trying to say was, I can't believe that in our modern society, they let, like, actual art get onto the news.

Roxanne:
Nice save, Hal.

Megamind:
[on a video screen; threatening Metro Man] This is a day you and Metrocity shall not soon forget!

Metro Man:
It's pronounced METRO CITY!

Megamind:
Oh, potato, tomato, potato, tomato...

Metro Man:
We all know how this ends: with YOU behind bars!

Megamind:
[sarcastically] Oh, I'm shaking in my custom, baby seal leather boots! [serious again] YOU will leave Metrocity! Or this will be the last you ever hear of... Roxanne Ritchi! [presses a button to show a captive Roxanne on a seperate screen] Huh?

Metro Man:
[whispers dramatically] Roxanne! Don't panic, Roxy... I'm on my way!

Roxanne:
Yeah, I'm not panicking.

Megamind:
[smirking] In order to stop me, you need to find me first, Metro Man!

Roxanne:
We're at the abandoned observatory!

Metro Man:
Ah-ha!

Megamind:
No, we're not! Don't listen to her! She's crazy!

Roxanne:
You're SOOO predictable!

Megamind:
Predictable? Predictable? Oh, you call THIS predictable?! [pulls a lever that opens up an alligator pool beneath Roxanne]

Roxanne:
Alligators, yes. Mm-hmm. I was thinking about it on the way over...

Megamind:
[pulls another lever that reveals a hidden gun] What's this? Boom! In your face!

Roxanne:
Cliché!

Megamind:
No! Look! Watch! [brings down a gauntlet of blades]

Roxanne:
Juvenile!

Megamind:
Shock and awe! [brings up a chainsaw]

Roxanne:
Tacky!

Megamind:
OH, IT'S SO SCARYU!! [unleashes a cycle of spiked boots]

Roxanne:
Seen it!

Megamind:
[frantic] What's this one do?! [unleashes a flamethrower]

Roxanne:
Garish! [Megamind breaks down] Okay, the spider's new.

Megamind:
Spider? [He sees a spider hanging in front of Roxanne. Minion just shrugs.] Uh... Yes! The... the spiiiider. Even the smallest bite from... "arachnus deathicus"... will instantly paralyze... [Roxanne blows the spider into Megamind's eye.] AARGH! GET IT OFF! IT BIT ME!

Roxanne:
Give it up, Megamind. Your plans never work!

Hal:
[to Roxanne] I'd be watching you, like a dingo watches a human baby...

Roxanne:
Mmm.

Hal:
Okay, that sounded a little weird.

Roxanne:
A little bit.

Megamind:
Okay. There's no way she'll find the secret entrance.

Roxanne:
[gasps excitedly] There's a doormat here that says "Secret Entrance"!

Megamind:
[turns around angrily] Minion!

Minion:
I kept forgetting where it was.

[Megamind extracts Metro Man's DNA, hoping to create a new superhero to fight]

Minion:
Sir, I think this is a bad idea...

Megamind:
Yes! It's a very wickedly bad idea for the greater good of bad!

Minion:
But I'm saying it's the kind of bad that-- Okay, you might think it's good from your bad perception, but from a good perception... it's just plain bad.

Megamind:
Oh, you don't know what's good for bad!

Hal:
What's going on?

Megamind:
[disguised as Jor-El] Easy, my child.

Hal:
Who are you?

Megamind:
I sent you to this planet to teach you about justice, honor, and nobility. I am your father.

Hal:
So, you're, like, my Space Dad?

Megamind:
Yeah. I'm like your Space Dad.

Hal:
[sees Minion, who is dressed in mother clothes] And, you are what?

Minion:
I'm your Space Stepmom. I've had some work done recently.

Hal:
Is this some kind of dream?

Megamind:
This is a dream come true. You've been blessed with unfathomable powers.

Hal:
What kind of power?

Megamind:
Unfathomable. It's, uh, without fathom.

Hal:
Whoa.

Giant Megamind head:
You dare challenge Megamind?!

Tighten:
This town isn't big enough for two supervillains!

Giant Megamind head:
[Emerges from behind the dark clouds] Oh, you're a villain, alright! Just not a SUPER one!

Tighten:
Yeah? What's the difference?

[The giant Megamind head opens its mouth and out steps Megamind himself]

Megamind:
PRESENTATION!

[Cue fantastic over-the-top lightshow]

Tighten:
This is the last time you make a fool out of me!

Megamind:
I made you a hero! You did the "fool" thing all by yourself!

(Tighten tosses Megamind up and angrily delivers a flying punch, sending him flying and landing right next to his invisible car)

Megamind:
Over here, old friend. In case you haven't noticed, you've fallen right into my trap.

Metroman:
You can't trap justice. It's an idea! A belief!

Megamind:
Well, even the most heartfelt belief can be corroded over time!

Metroman:
Justice is a noncorrosive metal!

Megamind:
But metals can be melted by the heat of revahnge!

Metroman:
It's "revenge", and it's best served cold!

Megamind:
But it could be easily reheated, in the microwave of evil!

Metroman:
Well, I think your warranty is about to expire!

Megamind:
Maybe I've got an extended warranty!

Metroman:
Warranties are invalid if you don't use the product for its intended purpose!

Roxanne:
[groans] Girls, girls! You're both pretty! Can I go home now?

Man in crowd:
I love you, Metro Man!

Metroman:
And I love you, random citizen!

Minion:
[sniffs Megamind suspiciously] Are you wearing Jean Paul Gaultier's Pour Homme?

Megamind:
It's just my natural musk!

Megamind:
[gives present as 'space dad'] Hal, I think you're ready for this.

Hal:
[pulls out small costume] Do I have a son?

Megamind:
No. You make me laugh. It stretches. It's for you.

Hal:
Hey, what's the T stand for?

Megamind:
Titan.

Hal:
Titan? What's that supposed to mean?

Megamind:
It was the only name I could trademark.

Hal:
Oh.

Megamind:
Do you have someone special in your life, Hal?

Hal:
No, not yet. But, there's this really, really good-looking one I've got my eye on currently.

Megamind:
That's very good. Romance is very inspiring.

Hal:
That's what I hear.

Megamind:
All you have to do is save her and she'll be yours.

Minion:
Who wants churros?

Megamind:
I do!

Hal:
I do, yeah.

Megamind:
Churros all the way around.

Hal:
Thanks, Space Stepmom.

Megamind:
On the count of three, unsheathe your churro. One, two, three!

All three:
To Titan!

Megamind:
Tomorrow, you will fight Megamind, and the city will know your name!

[Roxanne's walking in the rain after discovering Megamind was Bernard]

Megamind:
I can explain! ...What about everything you just said? About judging a book by its cover?

Roxanne:
Well, let's take a look at the contents then, shall we? You destroyed Metro Man, you took over the city, and then, you actually got me to care about you! Why are you so evil? Tricking me? What could you possibly hope to gain? [Megamind looks up at her sadly] Wait a minute. I don't believe this. Do you really think that I would ever be with you?

Megamind:
[quietly] No...

Megamind:
[sheepishly] Titan's turned evil.

Roxanne:
[sarcastic] Congratulations. Another one of your genius plans has backfired on you. And why did my doorman let you up? [Megamind puts up a cube where Carlos is in it and gasps] Carlos.

[After defeating Tighten]

Minion:
We've had a lot of adventures together, you and I...

Megamind:
Yes, Minion, we have.

Minion:
I mean, most of them ended in horrible failure, but we won today, didn't we, sir?

Megamind:
Yes, Minion. We did it, thanks to you.

Minion:
Code: We're The Good Guys Now.

Megamind:
Code: I Guess We Are.

Roxanne Ritchi:
Happy Metro Man Day, Metro City. It's a beautiful day in beautiful downtown, where we're here to honor a beautiful man - Metro Man. His heart is an ocean that's inside a bigger ocean. For years, he's been watching us with his super-vision, saving us with his super-strength and caring for us with his super-heart. Now it's our turn to give something back. This is Roxanne Ritchi, reporting live from the dedication of the Metro Man Museum. [gestures to Hal to stop filming]

Hal:
Wow. Okay, the stuff they make you read on-air, that's un-freaking-believable. It's crazy.

Roxanne "Roxie" Ritchi:
I wrote that piece myself, Hal.

Hal:
What I was trying to say was… I can't believe that in our modern society, they let, like, actual art get onto the news.

Ritchi:
Nice save, Hal.

Hal:
What are we? Like, let's just get a coffee or something.

Roxanne "Roxie" Ritchi:
Come on, it's time to get in the Metro Man Day spirit.

Hal:
Well, if I were Metro Man, Megamind wouldn't be kidnapping you all the time. That's the first thing.

Roxanne:
That’s sweet, Hal.

Hal:
And I'd be watching you, like a dingo watches a human baby…

Roxie Ritchi:
Mmm.

Hal:
Okay, that sounded a little weird.

Roxie:
A little bit. Yeah.

Megamind:
Metrocity, Minion. It's all mine. If my parents could see me now…

Minion:
Sir, I'm sure they're smiling down from evil heaven.

Minion:
"Create a hero"? W-wait, what? Why would you do that?

Megamind:
So I have someone to fight! Minion, I'm a villain without a hero. A yin with no yang, a bullfighter with no bull to fight! In other words, I have no purpose. Go on, ask me how I'm going to do it. Go on, ask!

Minion:
[sighs] How are you gonna do it…?

Megamind:
[laughs and throws the do(ugh)nuts in the air] I'm going to give somehow, I don't know yet, Metro Man's powers.

Megamind:
What on earth is that?

Minion:
It seems to be emanating from there, sir. [points to Megamind's pants]

Megamind:
[pulls out the cell phone from his back pocket and answers it] Ollo...

Minion:
It's "hello".

Megamind:
Oh. [speaking into the cell phone] Hello? [whispers to Minion] Like that? [Minion gives him a thumbs up]

Roxie:
Bernard, it's Roxanne.

Megamind:
[whispering to Minion] It's Roxanne!

Roxie:
I just want to thank you for inspiring me the other day.

Megamind:
Oh! You inspired me too.

Roxie:
Great. It's time we stood up to Megamind and show him he can't push us around.

Megamind:
Oh! Oh, really? [whispers to Minion] She's so cute!

Roxie:
I'm already hot on his trail.

Megamind:
Uh-huh, and what gives you that idea?

Minion:
Uh, sir...?

Roxie:
I just found his secret hideout! [appears on the security TV screens]

Megamind:
[shouting] How did she find my hideout?! [back onto the cell phone] Uh… how did you find his hideout?

Roxie:
This is the only building in Metro City with a fake observatory on the roof.

[Pause]

Megamind:
Okay. [to Minion] Yhere's no way she'll find the secret entrance.

Roxie:
[gasps excitedly] There's a doormat here that says "Secret Entrance"!

Megamind:
[turns around angrily] Minion!

Minion:
[nervous] I kept forgetting where it was…

Megamind:
She’ll discover all our secrets! [shoves him in a cabinet] You dimwitted creation of SCIENCE!

Roxie:
What?

Megamind:
What? Oh, no. Not you, Roxanne. No, I was just yelling at my mother's... urn. Don't do anything, I'll be right there.

[Megamind (disguised as Bernard) and Roxanne are having a picnic]

Roxie:
Okay, okay. Metro Man and I were never a couple.

Megamind [disguised as Bernard]:
But I thought you two...

Roxie:
I know, everybody did, it's just he was never really my type.

Megamind:
Really?

Roxie:
Yeah. Okay, now you tell me something. Something you've never told anyone.

Megamind:
Well, in sh–school… none of the other kids... really liked me. I was always the last one picked for everything.

Roxie:
Mmm, it's too bad that we didn't go to the same school.

Minion:
Well you seem in a very good mood tonight, sir.

Megamind:
Ha? How long is this going to take, Minion?

Minion:
Just a few alterations, sir, and I will be done with your most terrifying cape yet! I’m calling it the Black Mambaaaaa…!

Megamind:
Black Mamba. Perfect! Ooh, gosh, I am running late. I have to go.

Minion:
What? Where are you going, sir? We have our debut battle with Titan tomorrow morning. We haven't even tested your big battle suit yet!

Megamind:
You attend to the details, Minion. I have to... run a quick errand.

Minion:
[suspicious] You don't run errands. What's going on here?

Megamind:
What?

Minion:
Oh, wait a minute! [sniffs Megamind suspiciously] Are you wearing "Jean Paul Gaultier's Pour Homme"?

Megamind:
It's just my natural musk. Now, where the car keys? Ah!

Minion:
[grabs them] Ah ah-ah-ah! This is about Ms. Ritchi, isn't it? You're going on a date with her!

Megamind:
What? [laughs] No, my main man! Get out of town!

Minion:
Oh, this is bad… this is bad! You've fallen in love with her!

Megamind:
You are forgetting your place, Minion. Now give me the keys! [groans]

Minion:
[stretches the arm in which his hand is holding the car key, scoffs] What happens when Roxanne finds out who you really are?

Megamind:
She'll never find out! That's the point of "lying". [pushes a button on Minion’s robotic body which makes his stretched arm fall, grabs the keys] Honestly, if I didn't know any better, I'd think this was your first day of being evil.

Minion:
No! [turns the car invisible] This has gone far enough! [drops the keys in his fishbowl head]

Megamind:
Oh, that was really grown up!

Minion:
Sir, sir, please. It's for your own good.

Megamind:
Oh, what do you know?!

Minion:
I may not know much, but I do know this - the bad guy doesn't get the girl!

Megamind:
Well, maybe I don't want to be the bad guy anymore!

[Minion screams in absolute shock at what Megamind has just said]

Megamind:
[looks around sheepishly] You heard me?!

Minion:
[whispers in disgust] Who are you...?

Megamind:
Now, give me the keys!

Minion:
No! [turns the car visible] My sole purpose in life is to look after you!

Megamind:
Well, I don't need you to look after me!

Minion:
[visibly hurt] What are you...? What are you saying, you don't... need me?

Megamind:
Let me make it clear. Code - I don't need you!

Minion:
You know what, you know what?! [ejects the keys out his fishbowl head; they land on the car and Megamind picks them up] Code - I'll just pack my thing and go! [puts fish food in a lunchbox]

Megamind:
Code - fine!

Minion:
Code - fine back! [gets on his scooter and begins to leave] Well, good luck on your date!

Megamind:
I will!

Minion:
That doesn't even make any sense!

Megamind:
I know!

[Megamind, disguised as Bernard, is waiting at the restaurant for Roxanne when she arrives late with windswept hair]

Megamind:
Roxanne!

Roxie:
Sorry I'm late.

Megamind:
Wow, your hair looks exciting.

Roxie:
Mmmm, not the only exciting development of the night. Megamind's created a new hero, and I know why.

Megamind:
Were you even planning to show up? [notices all the items Hal "has"] What's this? Where did you get all this stuff?

Titan:
[whispers] It doesn't belong to me.

Megamind:
You stole it!?

Titan:
Pretty cool, right?

Megamind:
No, no, no, no! You're a hero!

Titan:
Being a hero is for losers. It's work, work, work, 24/7, and for what? I only took the gig to get the girl and it turns out Roxanne doesn't want anything to with me.

Megamind:
Roxanne Ritchi?

Titan:
Yeah, Roxanne Ritchi. I saw her having dinner and making googly eyes at some intellectual dweeb.

Megamind:
Oh…

Titan:
Who needs all that noise? That's why I think we... should team up.

Megamind:
You... Wait, what?

Titan:
With my power and your... big-headedness, we could rule the city!

Megamind:
You want to team up?!

Titan:
Yeah, I even drew up new costume designs. See?

Megamind:
Costume designs?

Titan:
You'd be the brains, so you get a little brain wearing glasses on your costume or something, and since I'm the cool one, I'd have, like, 2 tanks sword fighting–

[Megamind backs off in absolute disbelief]

Megamind:
I can't believe you. All your gifts, all your powers, and you... you squander them for your own personal gain!

Titan:
Yes!

Megamind:
No! I'm the villain, you're the good guy! I do something bad and you come and get me! That's why I created you!

Titan:
Yeah, right. You're nuts! Space Dad told me–

Megamind:
Look, I'm your Space Dad! [transforms into Hal's Space Dad in front of him] You should be more like Metro Man.

Titan:
Ah! You tricked me?

Megamind:
Oh, don't like that, huh? Well there's more! [transforms into Bernard as he slowly backs up into his giant robot battle suit] I'm also the "intellectual dweeb" dating Roxanne.

Titan:
No.

Megamind:
...And we were smooching up a storm! [makes kissing noises as he closes his giant robot battle suit]

Titan:
[enraged] When I get my hands on you, I'm gonna–

Megamind:
Yes, yes. I know. "...Bring me to justice." Oh, god. How'd I miss this? [Titan attacks him] And the hero strikes the first blow, but evil returns with a backhand!

[after a big ball of copper has been dropped on Titan]

Megamind:
Guess what, Buster Brown! It's made from copper. You're powerless against it. It's the very same metal used to defeat– [Titan's fist punches out through the copper metal] …Metro Man?

Titan/Titan:
You... should stop comparing me to Metro Man!

Mayor:
We're saved! We're saved! What's your name, new hero?

Titan:
It's Titan.

Mayor:
Thank you, thank you. Titan has freed us!

Titan:
Oh, I wouldn't say "free", more like "under new management". [flicks the Mayor in the head, sending him flying back; everyone gasps]

[Megamind shows up outside Roxanne’s apartment door]

Roxie:
What do you want?

Megamind:
[sheepishly] Titan's turned evil.

Roxie:
[sarcastic] Well, congratulations, another one of your genius plans has backfired on you… and why did my doorman let you up? [Megamind gives her a small cubed box and Roxanne gasps] Carlos! [tries to shut the door on Megamind]

Megamind:
Please… Roxanne, no! No! I need your help.

Roxie:
Why do you need my help?

Megamind:
[sighs] Because you're the smartest person I know.

Roxie:
But you can't stay here.

Megamind:
The copper should've worked! Why didn't the copper worked? The copper worked perfectly well last time.

Roxie:
"Copper"? You're not making any sense.

Megamind:
Look, if we don't find Titan's weakness, he'll destroy the whole city.

Roxie:
[throws a trophy at Metro Man who becomes "Music Man"] How could you do this?! [throws a microphone] The people of this city relied on you... [throws an amplifier at him] ...and you deserted them! [smashes guitar over his head] You left us in the hands of him! [to Megamind] No offense.

Megamind:
[hastily] No, I'm with you. [to Metro Man] Look, we need your help.

Metro Man:
I'm sorry, I really am. Um, I'm... I'm done. You know, little buddy? There's a yin for every yang. If there's bad, good will rise up against it. It's taken me a long time to find my calling. Now, it's about time... you find yours.

Roxie:
Hey, who needs him? We can beat Titan ourselves. I say we go back to the evil lair, grab some ray guns, hold 'em sideways and just go all gangsta on him!

Megamind:
We can't.

Roxie:
So that's it, you're just giving up?!

Megamind:
I'm the bad guy. I don't save the day, I don't fly off into the sunset, and I don't get the girl. I'm going home.

[Megamind flips TV channels in prison]

Tighten:
[on TV] Megamind. [Megamind continues channel surfing until he changes back to Tighten on TV] You and I have unfinished business. I’ll be waiting at Metro Tower. Oh, and just so you don’t get cold feet… [reveals Roxanne captured]

Megamind:
Roxanne...

Tighten:
Come on, Roxie. Call for your "hero" to come rescue you.

Roxie:
Megamind… I don't even know if you're listening, but if you are… you can't give up! The Megamind I know would never run from a fight, even if he knew he had no chance of winning! It was your best quality. You need to be that guy right now! The city needs you… I need you…

Megamind:
Roxanne…

Tighten:
You have 1 hour. Don't keep me waiting.

Megamind:
Warden! Warden! Listen to me! You have to Iet me go! Tighten has to be stopped!

Warden:
Sorry, Megamind. You still have 88 Iife sentences to go. Plenty of time to reflect on what you've done.

Megamind:
You want me to say it? I'll say it! Here it is, from the blackest part of my heart: I AM SORRY!

Warden:
Not buying it.

Megamind:
[sighs] I don't blame you. I've terrorized the city countless times. Created a hero who's turned out to be a villain. I lied to Roxanne, and...my best friend Minion, I treated Iike dirt. Please don't make this city... don't make Roxanne pay for my wrongdoings.

Minion:
[removing the Warder disguise] Apology accepted.

Tighten:
[on TV] Hey, Metro losers. This is Metro Tower! They say it's supposed to be a symbol of our city's strength… [shows Roxanne tied to the tower] …But for me, it's a reminder of the day this woman ferociously ripped out my heart, and I hate reminders! [rips out a part of the tower's foundation, swaying it]

Roxie:
Hal, please don't do this. I know there's still good in you, Hal.

Hal/Tighten:
You're so naive, Roxie. You see the good in everybody, even when it's not there. You're Iiving a fantasy. There is no Easter Bunny, there is no Tooth Fairy, and there is no Queen of England. This is the real world, and you need to wake up! [Suddenly, a giant hologram of Megamind's head appears in the sky]

Giant Megamind head:
You dare challenge Megamind?!

Tighten:
This town isn't big enough for 2 super-villains!

Giant Megamind head:
Oh, you're a villain, all right! Just not a super one!

Tighten:
Yeah, what's the difference? [Megamind's giant hologram head opens its mouth and from the inside appears Megamind]

Megamind:
[his giant hologram head opens its mouth and from the inside appears Megamind] PRESENTATION!

Roxanne "Roxie" Richie:
[sees Megamind in shock, thinking he kidnapped Bernard] Megamind, what have you done with Bernard?

Roxanne "Roxie" Richie:
Pity you didn't go to MY school.

Hal Stewart/Titan/Tighten:
Being a hero is for losers! It's work, work, work, 24/7, and for what? I only took the gig to get the girl, and it turns out Roxanne doesn't want anything to do for me.

Hal Stewart/Titan/Tighten:
What were you saying? I'm sorry, I was too busy saving your life!

Hal Stewart/Titan/Tighten:
I'm the superhero, you're supposed to be with ME!

Hal Stewart/Titan/Tighten:
You... should STOP comparing me to Metro Man!

Hal Stewart/Titan/Tighten:
What I was trying to say was I can't believe that in our modern society, they let like, actual art get onto the news!

Minion'S Holo-Watch Forms:
Warden: Apology accepted.

Minion'S Holo-Watch Forms:
Megamind: I'm sorry. I did the best I could.

Oh, I’m too close! I’m genuinely scared right now, I hope no one is seeing this!

[Hal, after taking Roxanne on a flight around town against her will and almost dropping her into heavy traffic, places her on the top of a skyscraper]

Roxanne:
Are you crazy?!

Hal:
I suppose I'm a little crazy... about you!

Roxanne:
Who are you, really?

Hal:
Oh, right! Well, prepared to have your mind blown, little lady... [takes off his mask] Ta-da!

Roxanne:
Hal?!

Hal:
Yeah! Isn't this great? Now there's nothing keeping us apart!

Roxanne:
No, it's not great.

Hal:
Wow! Our first fight. This so us! We're Like an Old Married Couple.

Roxanne:
Look, there is no "us", okay? There will never be an "us".

Hal:
But... I have powers. I have a cape, I'm the good guy!

Roxanne:
You are a good guy Hal, but you don't understand. We need to find out why...

Hal:
No... This isn't right!

Roxanne:
Hal, just take a deep breath and listen to me for a moment!

Hal:
You're supposed to be with ME!

Roxanne:
I'm trying to warn you, Hal!

Hal:
It's Tighten! It's Tighten, not Hal! [flies off, shattering dozens of windows in the process]

Megamind:
[after "defeating" Metro Man] Metrocity is mine!

Megamind:
Alright. Put your hands in the air. [The crowd cheers] Now hand over your wallets! [The crowd gasps] I'm just kidding! Hahahahaha! Just kidding!

Megamind:
You fell for the oldest evil trick in the book!

Megamind:
[from the trailer] Let the showdown begin!

Roxanne "Roxie" Richie:
[Megamind, who is disguised as Bernard, starts to cry] Bernard, I didn't know you had feelings. Are you OK?

Roxanne "Roxie" Richie:
You're alive? [Megamind: You're alive.] [Metro Man: I'm alive.] But I… But I… We… We saw your skeleton. You were dead.

Hal Stewart:
[after realizing Megamind was his Space Dad] You tricked me?

Hal Stewart:
When I get my hands on you, I'm gonna--! [Megamind: Yes! Yes, I know! Bring me to justice. Oh, God, how I've missed this!]

Hal Stewart:
Come out, you little freak! I wanna see what that big brain looks like on the pavement!

Minion:
[Megamind: Code - get the car.] Code - right away, sir.

Newscaster:
We now have confirmed reports. Titan, first thought to be the city's new hero, has turned evil. The city has never seen this level of destruction. If only Metro Man was still alive.

Man in Crowd:
[repeated line] Hey! My kid can't see.

[Megamind and Roxanne both ascend the museum to the statue of Metro Man on opposite sides of the building]

Megamind:
I’ve made a horrible mistake. I didn’t mean to destroy you. I mean, I meant to destroy you, but I didn’t think it would really work.

Roxanne Ritchi:
What are we supposed to do? Without you, evil is running rampant through the streets.

Megamind:
I’m so tired of running rampant through the streets. What’s the point of being bad when there’s no good to try and stop you?

Roxanne Ritchi:
[sign] Someone has to stop Megamind.

Bernard:
Hey, we’re closing soon.

Roxanne Ritchi:
[gasp] Ugh! You scared me! Barry, right?

Bernard:
Bernard.

Roxanne Ritchi:
Bernard. I was just… [chuckles] Well, I was talking to myself. You probably think I’m a little bit nuts.

Bernard:
I’m not allowed to insult guests directly.

Roxanne Ritchi:
Thank you. I just… Bernard, I’ll just be another minute.

Bernard:
[exaggerated sigh] Okay.

Roxanne Ritchi:
Thanks.

Megamind:
I had so many evil plans in the works; The Illiteracy Beam, Typhoon Cheese, Robo Sheep. Battles we will now never have.

[His voice echoes, and Roxanne starts walking around the platform to investigate the noise]

Megamind:
[Starting to cry] You know, I never had the chance to say goodbye. So it’s good that we have this time now. You know, before I destroy the place. Nothing personal, it just brings back too many painful memories.

[Megamind activates a countdown bomb and starts walking away]

Roxanne Ritchi:
Hello?

Megamind:
Roxanne?!

(Megamind runs towards the elevator, where he bumps into Bernard)

Bernard:
Uh, that’s a pretty tasteless costume.

Megamind:
Costume?!

Bernard:
Megamind’s head is not that grossly exaggerated.

[Megamind scans Bernard with his disguise watch]

Bernard:
Uhh! You even made a cheap replica of his dehydration gun. How un…

[Megamind shoots his dehydration gun at Bernard and turns him into a cube]

Roxanne Ritchie:
Hello, who’s there?

(Megamind transforms himself into Bernard right as Roxanne turns the corner)

Roxanne Ritchi:
Oh! [laughs] Whoo! It’s just you, Bernard.

Bernard:
Oh, yes. It’s just me. Bernard..

Roxanne Ritchi:
Well, thank you for letting me stay.

Bernard:
Look, I wouldn’t stay here for more than two minutes and thirty-seven seconds if I were you. We’re having the walls and ceiling removed.

Roxanne Ritchi:
Wow! That sounds like quite the renovation. I guess I’ll um…catch a ride down with you then.

[She gets into the elevator with Megamind disguised as Bernard]

Roxanne Ritchie:
I kept thinking he was gonna do one of his last-minute escapes.

Bernard:
Yeah, he was really good at those.

Roxanne Ritchie:
Oh! If only the world had a reset button.

Bernard:
I’ve looked into the reset button. [he starts to cry] The science is impossible.

Roxanne Ritchie:
Oh Bernard.. I didn’t know you had…feelings. Are you okay?

Bernard:
Metro Man’s gone. And now there’s no one left to challenge Megamind.

Roxanne Ritchi:
Oh, come on, Bernard! As long as there’s evil, good will rise up against it.

Bernard:
Uhh, I wish!

Roxanne Ritchi:
I believe someone’s gonna stand up to Megamind.

Bernard:
You really think so?

Roxanne Ritchi:
Yeah, it’s like they say. Heroes aren’t born, they’re made!

[Upon hearing this, Bernard is inspired]

Bernard:
Heroes can be made. That’s it! All you need are the right ingredients.

Roxanne Ritchie:
Yeah. Bravery.

Bernard:
Yes.

Roxanne Ritchie:
Strength.

Bernard:
Of course!

Roxanne Ritchie:
Determination.

Bernard:
Imperative! And a smidgen of DNA. Oh, with that anyone can be a hero!

Roxanne Ritchie:
Yeah!

Bernard:
Ohoho! [he laughs and picks up Roxanne in excitement, and his alarm goes off to warn him of the bombs timer]

Bernard:
I think we should run!

[Roxanne leaves in a taxi outside the museum]

Bernard:
Bye! [He turns to the statue of Metro Man]

Bernard:
Time to put the past behind us. [he transforms himself back into Megamind]

Megamind:
Only the future… [the museum suddenly explodes in front of him]

Megamind:
Aaaah! Oh! I’m too close! I’m genuinely scared right now! Oh! I hope no one’s seeing this! Aah!