Murder Must Advertise

Lord Peter Wimsey:
Polly! I am not so sure you haven't said something useful and important.

Lady Mary:
Everything I say is useful and important. Think it over while I look after the children.

Lady Mary:
So you have become one of the world's workers, Peter.

Lord Peter Wimsey:
Yes, I'm pulling down four solid quid a week. Amazing sensation. Every time I get my pay packet, I glow with honest pride.

Lord Peter Wimsey:
How's my nephew, Polly?

Lady Mary:
Sulking. He cannot understand why his namesake is in here going on about detecting, when his nephew is so much more interesting.

Lord Peter Wimsey:
I frequently wonder the same thing.

Chief Inspector Parker:
And how's the investigation going? Found out anything?

Lord Peter Wimsey:
[Chuckles] Oh, I certainly have. I have found out that the truth in advertising is like leaven hidden in the three measures of meal. It produces a quantity of gas with which to blow out a mass of crude misrepresentation into a form that the public can swallow.

Mr. Willis:
If you'll take my advice, you'll leave Dean and his precious friends alone, or you won't make yourself too popular.

Lord Peter Wimsey:
You know, that could almost sound like a threat.

Mr. Willis:
The best thing Dean ever did in his life was to fall down that staircase.

Lord Peter Wimsey:
[Quoting Shakespeare] Nothin' in his life became him like the leavin' of it.

Dian de Momerie:
I love you, Harlequin.

Lord Peter Wimsey:
Pity. Your lovers seem to have a knack of coming to a bad end.

Dian de Momerie:
[to Whimsey in his harlequin outfit hiding in a tree] What do you want to behave like an idiot for?

Lord Peter Wimsey:
Advertisement chiefly. One must be different. I'm Always different.

Dian de Momerie:
It's a cheap way of producing an effect.

Lord Peter Wimsey:
It is good enough for gin-soaked minds or such as you. if you will pardon me, subtlety will be wasted.

Dian de Momerie:
I wish you'd come down here.

Lord Peter Wimsey:
Possibly, but I prefer to be looked up to.

Dian de Momerie:
[to an unseen Wimsey] I hate you!

Lord Peter Wimsey:
[Up in a tree in costume] Then you're on the high road to loving me, which is only natural. We needs must love the highest when we see it. Can you see me?

Dian de Momerie:
Not very well.

Dian de Momerie:
[With a seductive tone] Come down, Harlequin. I wish you to come down. If you came down, I could see you better.

Lord Peter Wimsey:
And love me better perhaps?

Dian de Momerie:
Perhaps.

Lord Peter Wimsey:
Then I'm safer where I am, knowing what happens to your lovers.

Dian de Momerie:
Come down, Harlequin, and I'll show you how to get a kick out of life. [She laughs]

Lord Peter Wimsey:
[Jumping off the back of the tree to the ground unseen] Well?

Dian de Momerie:
[Somewat seductively] Will I do?

Lord Peter Wimsey:
For what?

Dian de Momerie:
For you.

Lord Peter Wimsey:
And what are you good for me?

Lord Peter Wimsey:
I'm beautiful.

Lord Peter Wimsey:
Not as beautiful as you were, and in five years time you will be ugly.

Dian de Momerie:
I wouldn't want you for five years.

Lord Peter Wimsey:
And I wouldn't want you for five minutes.

Dian de Momerie:
[Jadedly] I think I'll give up the dope. Do you think it'll be amusing to go all good?

Major Todd Milligan:
About as amusing as a Quaker meeting.

Lord Peter Wimsey:
[Assuming the identity of his fictional cousin Bredon] I think that my appearance will disappoint you except that I am handsome and less rabbity-looking. Whoever has seen Wimsey has seen me.

Lord Peter Wimsey:
[to Milligan and Dian] What will you have to drink? Whiskies?

Major Todd Milligan:
Oh, well, uh...

Lord Peter Wimsey:
Yes, I rather feared you might. The abominable habit of pouring whiskies on top of mixed drinks at this hour of the night is responsible for more ruined complexions and reputations than any other single cause.

Major Todd Milligan:
Let's discuss terms.

Lord Peter Wimsey:
Later. When we have the reins in our own hands, it'll be time enough to decide which one of us is going to crack the whip.

Lord Peter Wimsey:
[to Dian and Milligan] Please sit down, sit down, sit down and tell me all about your encounter with my scandalous cousin.

Major Todd Milligan:
Just a minute! I think I know the stud book pretty well. I wasn't aware that you had a cousin called Bredon.

Lord Peter Wimsey:
Well, it's not every puppy who appears in the kennel book, and it's a wise man who knows all his cousins.

Lord Peter Wimsey:
My dear Milligan. You could make a cat laugh. I don't give information away. I dispose of it advantageously.

Lord Peter Wimsey:
No, Charles, some accidents are too accidental to be true.

Lord Peter Wimsey:
Polly, I'm not sure you haven't said something useful and important.

Lady Mary:
Everything I say is useful and important.

Mr. Tallboy:
[to Wimsey] I've been a tethered kid here to trap the tigers!