My Bloody Valentine

Jessie 'T.J.' Hanniger:
We'll have a party in the mine!

Howard Landers:
Yeah. Beware of Harry Warden! OOOOOOOHHHHH!

Hollis:
SHUT THE F*** UP!

Happy:
Beware of what you make fun of, you little a**hole!

Howard Landers:
Who?

Happy:
YOU!

Chief Jake Newby:
[the Chief is getting into his car when Tommy's car comes up behind him, swerving wildly. It stops and Tommy gets out]

[yelling]

Chief Jake Newby:
Goddammit, Tommy Whitcomb what the hell's the matter with you? Where's your brains? I...

Tommy Whitcomb:
Chief, listen to me. You have to go to the mine! We were having a party and Harry Warden started killing everybody!

[Mayor Hanniger and Chief Newby are driving back to City Hall in Newby's police Suburban. The Chief gestures to the heart-shaped candy box that arrived at the police building earlier, addressed to the Mayor]

Chief Jake Newby:
Aren't you goint to open that?

Mayor Hanniger:
Yeah.

Chief Jake Newby:
Better read the card first.

[Mayor Hanniger opens the card on the front of the box]

Mayor Hanniger:
[reading from the card] From the heart comes a warning, filled with bloody good - cheer, remember what happened as the 14th draws - near!

[Hanniger opens the box to find a blood-soaked heart inside. The chief looks over and is horrified by what he sees]

Chief Jake Newby:
It can't be!

Mabel Osborne:
[reading a Valentine note] Roses are red, violets are blue, one is dead, and so are you.

Chief Jake Newby:
[reading a note he found in a body] "It happened once, it happened twice. Cancel the dance, or it'll happen thrice."

Axel Palmer:
You seen Sarah?

Jessie 'T.J.' Hanniger:
Ain't my turn to watch after her.

Chief Jake Newby:
[reading a note found outside the police station] "You didn't stop the party." Stop the party? What party?

Mrs. Raleigh:
Well, I'm afraid I have no records of a Harry Warden, past or present.

Chief Jake Newby:
How can that be? He was committed there, under court order!

Mrs. Raleigh:
I'm sorry. I have no records on him. In 20 years, any number of things could have happened. Now, if this Harry Warden was committed as you say, then he's simply no longer here... and if I have no records on him, I have to assume... that he's transferred, he's released, or he's on the slab. One of three, take your pick.

Chief Jake Newby:
One out of three? Now, look, Mrs. Raleigh... you're gonna have to do better than that. Now, I have to know what happened to this man... and I have to know what happened to him now! Now, have you checked everything?

Mrs. Raleigh:
Everything except the microfilms over in central file... and it will take several days to check that.

Chief Jake Newby:
I need answers fast. I'll be waiting on your call.

[last lines]

Axel Palmer:
[singing to himself] Sarah, be my bloody Valentine! Daddy's gone away, Harry Warden made you pay...

Dave:
I've got the munchies!

Sarah:
[referring to Axel drowning in a pit] We can't just leave him here!

Jessie 'T.J.' Hanniger:
Move it - it's too late for Axel.

Sylvia:
You know what we need?

John:
Yup, I got one right here! [holds up a condom]

Sylvia:
Uh, no. I meant a couple of beers, John.

Happy:
Beware of having a party at all on Saturday night! You may not live to see daylight!

Howard Landers:
[jumps out and makes a fart sound]

Jessie 'T.J.' Hanniger:
Look, give me a chance! If you still want me to go away I will. But I have to tell you that I love you and want you back!

Sarah:
How was I supposed to know that, Jessie? I honestly didn't think you were ever coming back! You just left me here.

Happy:
[Retelling the legend of Harry Warden] It was the night of the Valentine's Day dance at the union hall. It had been a tradition for over a hundred years. Everybody was there, except for seven miners at the Hanniger Mine, five of them still down below. Two supervisors were waiting for the men to come up. Anxious to get to the party, they left before the men were safely out, failing to check the methane gas levels in the tunnels down below. For six weeks we dug 'round the clock to try and save 'em. When we broke through, one man was found alive. I was the one who found him. Harry Warden spent the next year in the state mental hospital. Exactly one year later, on Valentine's Day, he came back to town. He killed the two supervisors who'd left their posts the year before, and he cut out their hearts, stuffed 'em into these heart-shaped candy boxes. That night at the dance, they found the boxes, blood dripping out the sides. Inside was a note, a warning from Harry to NEVER hold a Valentine's dance ever again. Every February 14th, Harry comes back to town, his pickaxe stained with blood, waiting in the shadows of the Hanniger Mine, just for someone to kill, should they not heed his warning. IT COULD BE YOU!

Mayor Hanniger:
Your decorating committee has done one hell of a job!

Mabel Osborne:
Well, after all, the first Valentine's dance in 20 years has to be something special.

Mayor Hanniger:
Yeah, well - Of course you're right, Mabel, but we'd all be better off if you played down the fact that it's the first Valentine's dance in 20 years if you know what I mean.

Howard Landers:
Gretchen I want you to be my date for the dance. Okay?

Gretchen:
Dry up!

Howard Landers:
Gretchen, you know what'd look really good on you?

Gretchen:
What?

Howard Landers:
Me.

Gretchen:
Suck it in and zip it up, will ya?

Jessie 'T.J.' Hanniger:
It isn't Harry Warden...

Chief Jake Newby:
Yeah T.J., I know... we got a call from Eastfield late this evening. They said that Harry Warden died five years ago.

Mayor Hanniger:
...But... but then who it it?

Jessie 'T.J.' Hanniger:
[voice choking up]... it's Axel.

Chief Jake Newby:
...Alright.

Mayor Hanniger:
My god... it was on Valentine's Day that Harry Warden killed Axel's father!

Chief Jake Newby:
Come on, let's get in there, eh?

Mayor Hanniger:
Ho, yeah!

Chief Jake Newby:
Mabel! Mabel, it's me! I gotta talk to you, we've got a problem concerning the dance! Mabel! Mabel, you back in here?

[Newby inhales and frowns, smelling something rancid in the air]

Mayor Hanniger:
If there's one thing I like better than Christmas candy, it's Valentine's candy!

Harvey Smight:
Oh yeah, package for ya, Chief.

Chief Jake Newby:
[Eyes get wide when he sees the heart-shaped box]... Get me a coffe, will you, Smight?

Harvey Smight:
...Uh, sure Chief. [walks away]

Chief Jake Newby:
My god... [Chief Newby nervously lifts the lid of the box, then sighs in relief when he sees that it just contains some chocolates. He opens the card, unfortunately to find a handwritten message that says, "Jake, be my valentine! Love Mabel!"]

Chief Jake Newby:
[with tears in his eyes]... Oh, Mabel. [he suddenly hears dogs growling and barking outside and goes to investigate]

Jessie 'T.J.' Hanniger:
Hey, who busted the lock? I've got the keys right here!

Gretchen:
[annoyed] Ugh, Howard did it.

Howard Landers:
Nope! Harry Warden did it!

Patty:
Eh, what happened to Mike and Harriet?

Howard Landers:
[smiling devilishly]... Maybe Harry Warden got 'em!

Patty:
Stop it!

Jessie 'T.J.' Hanniger:
Axel...?... WHY?

Howard Landers:
Well, last one into town gets the broom, lets go!

Axel Palmer:
Okay, let's go, guys!

Hollis:
Yee-haw, whoop!

[the miner guys head outside to their cars and Hollace struggles to pull up his pants. Howard kicks him in the butt as they run to a beat-up old Volkswagen]

Axel Palmer:
This whole F***ING TOWN is going to die!

Hollis:
[the miners are all chewing on tobacco] Howard, you've gotta chew it, you don't blow bubbles with it!

Howard Landers:
I'll take care of myself.

Hollis:
How'd you ever get to be so stupid?

Sarah:
T.J., will you stop this? I don't wanna go with you! Jessie, are you listening to me?

Jessie 'T.J.' Hanniger:
Nope!

[This quote is only spoken in the uncut version of the film]

Sarah:
[Sarah sees Axel's collapsed arm buried halfway under a fallen coal tunnel and she gently reaches out to touch his hand] Oh Axel... why?

Sarah:
[Axel's hand reaches forward and suddenly grabs Sarah's wrist with a vice-like grip. She gasps in fright and alerts T.J. and Chief Newby] Help me! Help me, please! [as Sarah's friends try to pull her hand free, Axel saws off his own arm with a pocketknife. Sarah pulls back and te severed arm comes flying out, attached to her. Several of the miners stare in open-mouthed shock]

Sarah:
Ahh!

Gretchen:
[Newby is hanging a notice up on the door to the union hall] Eh, what's going on?

Chief Jake Newby:
The mayor's cancelled the dance, and that's all there is to it... well, in the light of Mabel's death, we had no choice.

Sylvia:
Mabel would've wanted us to have the dance, I mean she worked so hard on it!

John:
Yeah, you can't cancel it now!

Tommy Whitcomb:
You're just looking for an excuse to cancel the dance.

Chief Jake Newby:
That's the way it is! There'll be no dance tomorrow night, and no parties either, you understand me?

Hollis:
You're kinda hard on him, T.J., you can't exactly blame him.

Jessie 'T.J.' Hanniger:
Sure it's not his fault, it nobody's fault... man, I dunno what to do. Anyway, I really do like that son-of-a-b*tch... yeah, remember? Remember how we used to tear this place apart? Get drunk, race out to the blast furnaces... that was great... Guess things change, eh?

Hollis:
[With nostalgia in his voice] Nothing stays the same.

Axel Palmer:
Oh Landers, you're gonna need a lot of excersize if you're gonna grapple with Gretchen!

Howard Landers:
Oh yeah? Well I got a valentine for her that she's never gonna forget.

Axel Palmer:
Straight to the heart, eh? [Axel makes an offensive gesture with his hands in front of his crotch, implying that Howard's plan is to have sex with Gretchen]

Howard Landers:
Gonna be a hot time on Saturday night, yee-haw!

Sarah:
Oh, I don't know. T.J. won't talk to me! He just sulks all day long! He ends up making me feel guilty when he's the one who owes me the apology! And Axel is NOT behaving any better... oh Patty, I don't even know if I wanna go to the dance on Saturday night.

Patty:
Oh, but you gotta go! It'll be alright, just stick with Hollis and me! Besides, you've gotta see the dress I bought. Cut down to here, slit up to there, I may not get out alive!

[repeated line in the film]

Howard Landers:
Harry Warden did it!

[Newby walks over to where Dave and Tommy are both jokingly dancing with a paper cut-out of a cupid]

Chief Jake Newby:
You'd better put that thing back where you found it or I'll turn you both upside-down, especially you.

Dave:
This is my date, Chief!

Tommy Whitcomb:
You're lookin' pretty good babyface, what's the occasion?

Dave:
I figure it'll get Newby off my back and besides, I wanna get outta this town real soon.