Nepismen

Violeta:
[in the unemployment office] But seriously, you cannot read nor write?

Tvrtko Kotromancucic:
No, I never even needed it.

Violeta:
Yes, but wait a minute... Didn't you learn letters in school?

Tvrtko Kotromancucic:
Yes, we did, but I just happened to skip the class that month. And when I returned they were already writing. But I finished four grades of elementary school, anyway.

Violeta:
So, how did you get so far?

Tvrtko Kotromancucic:
I paid my classmates with candy to write homework for me and when we had to memorize poems for homework I just made up words and talked about mountains and clouds while the teacher thought I was joking.

Violeta:
[searching for his last name in her documents] Kotromancucic... Kotromancucic... Tell me, is that spelled with one "c" or two?

Tvrtko Kotromancucic:
I don't know. I never found out.

Tvrtko Kotromancucic:
Is this Cvitesiceva street 22?

Romih:
Yeah, what are you looking for?

Tvrtko Kotromancucic:
I am looking for a job.

Romih:
Ah, you are... You are... Kotromancucic, right? Yeah, they notified me from CES. Going to work for me? I am Romih... Come on, let's go inside and sign the contract.

Tvrtko Kotromancucic:
[Looks at the contract] There's that sign that looks like a stick.

Romih:
Yeah, that's number one.

Violeta:
And so you lost your job, Mr. Kotromancucic.

Tvrtko Kotromancucic:
Yeah, what can you do. Apart from that, do you have another job for me?

Violeta:
Well, honestly, not quite. But, you know what, when Romih already took you in, he might as well stick with it. Because I really do not know who else would employ an illiterate except him. I will talk to him and persuade him to give you another chance.

Zeljko:
Wait a minute... I won't read this letter anymore. I will get in trouble in the end. You should read your mail yourself.

Tvrtko Kotromancucic:
No... I am illiterate, and so is my wife. We can't read.

Zeljko:
OK... Oh, it really says so here. OK, your wife writes: finally, Tvrtko, I have to thank the lady who wrote this letter for me. I bought a ticket for Zagreb, but boarded the wrong train and ended in Beli Manastir. I bought a ticket for Zagreb again, but again there was nobody at the station who could tell me what it says on the board, so I mistakenly boarded a train for Hungary. And now I don't speak their language. I will contact you when I return home. You got to be kididng me...

Tvrtko Kotromancucic:
So that's why she isn't home yet. Well, got to go. Thanks, see you!

[takes the letter and runs away]

Tvrtko Kotromancucic:
[after he passed a STOP sign without stopping, a car honks at the crossing] Hey! Are you crazy! Can't you see I can't read! Wacko!

Romih:
Oh, Kotromancucic. Since when are you waiting here?

Tvrtko Kotromancucic:
I don't know, I can't read numbers, I headed here when I woke up.

Romih:
When you woke up... Well, how long are you standing here?

Tvrtko Kotromancucic:
I saw a red bus pass over there when I came here.

Romih:
But that was at 7 PM! You are unnecessarily waiting here for two hours. Look at who they are sending me...

[Starts laughing]

Romih:
[compares a 10 and 100 kuna banknote] Look... 10 kunas... are woth less than 100 kunas! These are the banknotes you should have taken, not those... What am I suppose to do with this?

Tvrtko Kotromancucic:
Yeah? But they told even back at the counters that banknotes with less digits are worth more.

Romih:
Well, did they give you back a change of 500 euros?

Tvrtko Kotromancucic:
[Stares in sudden realization]

Violeta:
Tell me... How many languages do you speak?

Tvrtko Kotromancucic:
One.

Violeta:
Which one?

Tvrtko Kotromancucic:
Well, our language.

Violeta:
What's it called?

Tvrtko Kotromancucic:
Well, our language... Our language... Our... Oursian.

Violeta:
Mr. Kotromancucic, do you even know in which country we live in?

Tvrtko Kotromancucic:
Yes, in our country.

Violeta:
What's it called?

Tvrtko Kotromancucic:
Well... Our country, heh... Our country... Oursia. I may not know the exact name, but I am still a real patriot, what ever it's called.

Zeljko:
I will wait for you in the park with a forged diploma in an hour. Do you have a watch? Oh yeah, that's right, you cannot read... [takes a stone from the ground and then puts it two inches away from a shadow] You see this shadow? This... This shadow. When this shadow arrives to this stone, one hour will have passed. [Points to the shadow] Then I will be at the park. So, when the shadow moves from here to there, I will show up. All right? Bye.

Tvrtko Kotromancucic:
Bye.

Tvrtko Kotromancucic:
[In front of an audience, trying to hold a lecture] Eh, the Schrodinger equation is... great! Ergh... It speaks about the state of the world, which was proven in an experiment when they left a cat floating 30 feet above the ground. By that they proved the authenticity of the equation. Because of the quarks of cream, leptones and butterflies...