Sa jiao nu ren zui hao ming

Angie:
[texting on cellphone] Jerk.

Marco:
[surprised, texting] Who? I'll beat him up for you.

Angie:
[texting] Then slap yourself three times.

Mike:
I'm a post-life makeup consultant.

Angie:
[referring to mixed-media installation in art gallery] What do you see?

May:
Cows. Lots of cows piled up into the shape of a baby. This artwork should be called Bullshit.

May:
Actually, what do you see in him?

Angie:
Don't you think he's very cute? He would care about me in the most interesting ways.

[Flashback to Angie's and Marco's college days, in library]

Angie:
[yawns sleepily with mouth wide open]

Marco:
[stuffs a ball of tissues into Angie's mouth]

Angie:
What's that for?

Marco:
As a girl, remember to cover your mouth when you yawn.

[Back to present time]

May:
Forcefully stuffing things into your mouth is considered caring? [snickers cynically] If that's the case, I do know a lot of guys who are expert at caring about me.

May:
Men are like a pile of hay that's drenched in petrol. Give him a match, and he will burn himself up.

May:
[on cellphone] Any update? Have you dealt with your situation? What's all that noise? What's going on?

Angie:
[on cellphone, whilst on an aeroplane-shaped kiddie ride at Taipei night bazaar] We're riding the plane!

May:
What kind of fancy new position is that?

May:
[giving dating advice to Angie] Girls who are slightly kinky are cuter.

Carter:
[emerging from under restaurant table, appearing at May's lap] Nice p*ssy.

Carter:
[holds up a semi-longhair ginger cat]

May:
[to cat] There you are!

May:
[turning to Carter] Thank you for finding my p*ssy.

Carter:
My pleasure.

Marco:
[surfing TV channels at hotel room in Taipei] Didn't they say life at the Enemy Zone is very decadent? How come there's not a single adult channel?

Angie:
Oh. I'm going back to my room then.

Marco:
Wait, I've got an idea. Just a moment... [switches to sports channel showing women's curling competition between Sweden and Japan] There!

Angie:
What's this?

Marco:
Back then at the dorms, as soon as this competition came up, we guys would watch it together. It's like watching porn.

Angie:
No way...

Marco:
If you don't believe me, give it a try. Close your eyes. [falls back onto bed]

[Rhythmic sounds of ice-scrubbing and yelling of sportswomen emanate from TV]

Angie:
[sitting on bed, closes eyes, chuckles] Waaahh...

Marco:
Sounds like porn, right?

Angie:
But I feel exhausted listening to it!

Marco:
Well, each country has its own style.

Hailey:
[behaving exaggeratedly coquettish] I was worried if I were to get a scar on my leg, you won't like me anymore. The more I thought about it, the sadder I felt, and so couldn't stop crying.

Marco:
Silly girl. Do I seem that shallow? Even if you lose both your legs, I'm not going to leave you.

Hailey:
Really?

Marco:
Of course. You still have a nice rack.

Marco:
[to Hailey] I'd always felt very puzzled while reading those tabloids in the past. Do you know why Lin Chi-ling [Taiwan's Paris Hilton] seems to lack a decent love life? All because of the coquettish guile of girls like you. It makes one feel exhausted after a while.

Marco:
[voiceover, reminiscing about college days] Every time I lost my bicycle, it was always Angie who sent me home on hers. But this time, it's her whom I have lost.

Pa:
You know why kids like playing hide-and-seek? Because they want to be found.

May:
[to Angie] Alright, look at this cup of coffee.

[camera pans to table, showing a cup of coffee decorated with image of pig's head]

May:
Remember, this is not a cappuccino. This is a bowl of Grandma Meng's Oblivion Tea. Drink it, and forget the grievances of the past. Forget that pighead. Forget that coquettish b*tch. Cheers, and bon voyage.