Sex and the City

Charlotte:
How can you forget a guy you've slept with?

Carrie:
Toto, I don't think we're in single digits anymore.

Stanford:
I don't like having anything inserted in my anus, even though it may come as a surprise.

Samantha:
I once dated a guy 'cause he had a pool. I'd go over and get all cocoa-buttered up. His mom brought my Kool-Aid

Carrie:
Kool-Aid?

Samantha:
Yeah, I was thirteen! And honey, you should have seen my tan!

Samantha:
You dated Mr. Big. I'm dating Mr. Too Big.

Samantha:
There isn't enough wall space in New York City to hang all of my exes. Let me tell you, a lot of them were hung.

Stanford:
It's so not fair. All the good ones are straight... even the gay ones.

Samantha:
I'll admit I have had to polish myself off once or twice, but yes, when I RSVP to a party, I make it my business to come.

Samantha:
Well, I don't know how you people do it. All that emotional chow-chow. It's exhausting.

Samantha:
What am I supposed to say? "Hi, this is my lesbian lover. And p.s.: I'm done with dick"?

Carrie:
So what are we going to do? Sit around bars, sipping Cosmos and sleeping with strangers when we're eighty?

Miranda:
Okay, I'm definitely in the slow sexual group if even Charlotte is open to this.

Miranda:
I'm fine... but Charlotte, maybe your "hmmm hmmm" would like an order of fries?

Charlotte:
I read that if you don't have sex for a year, you can actually become "revirginized".

Charlotte:
Can you have an affair with your own husband?

Charlotte:
We finally have the penis working. I don't want to scare it.

Miranda:
After years of odd men, God is throwing me a bone.

Carrie:
And possibly a boner as well.

Samantha:
The country runs better with a good looking man in the White House. I mean, look what happened with Nixon; no one wanted to f*** him, so he f***ed everyone.

Samantha:
You get married and hope for the best. If it doesn't work out you'll get divorced. You can take tap with Bojangles over here.

Carrie:
No I can't take a vow of for ever and ever if what I mean is for the forseeable future. I couldn't do that to Aiden.

Anthony Marantino:
I am sleeping and walking! Sleeping and walking! How am I doing that?

Carrie:
It's the end of an era.

Miranda:
I'm gonna ask you an unpleasant question now- why did you ever say yes?

Carrie:
The man you love kneels down in the street and offers you a ring, you say yes that's what you do.

Carrie:
My Zen teacher also said the only way to true happiness is to live in the moment and not be worried about the future.

Miranda:
I'm dating skid-marks guy. When your boyfriend is so comfortable that he cannot be bothered to wipe his ass, that's the end of romance, right there.

Miranda:
I didn't tell Walker I was pregnant.

Carrie:
Miranda!

Miranda:
It didn't come up! If Walker had said to me, "Have you given birth recently?", I would have said, "Well, first of all, define recently."

Carrie:
I revealed too much too soon. I was emotionally slutty.

Carrie:
The most important thing in life is your family. There are days you love them, and others you don't. But, in the end, they're the people you always come home to. Sometimes it's the family you're born into and sometimes it's the one you make for yourself.

Miranda:
Sexy is what I try to get them to see after I win them over with my personality.

Miranda:
Do any of you have a completely unremarkable friend or maybe a houseplant I could go to dinner with on Saturday night?

Samantha:
I remember when Danny had more than one thought, and they all involved going up my ass.

Charlotte:
You had sex with Danny?

Samantha:
Sure, he's cute, straight and we've known him for ten years. Haven't we all had sex with Danny?

Carrie:
Oh yeah, that one weekend I was bored.

Charlotte:
Just a New Year's Eve kiss.

Miranda:
I showed him a boob in a coat checkroom.

Carrie:
Just one?

Miranda:
I sensed he couldn't commit.

Carrie:
The universe may not always play fair, but at least it's got a hell of a sense of humor.

Miranda:
Soulmates only exist in the Hallmark aisle at Duane Reid Drugs.

Charlotte:
Carrie, you're right, you have to tell him. But not before the wedding, it's supposed to be my week.

Miranda:
It's you day. You get a day.

Natasha:
Yes, I'm sorry about it all. I'm sorry that he moved to Paris and fell in love with me. I'm sorry we ever got married. I'm sorry he cheated on me with you, and I'm sorry that I pretended to ignore it for as long as I did. I'm sorry I found you in my apartment, fell down the stairs, and broke my tooth. I'm very sorry that after much painful dental surgery, this tooth is still a different color than this tooth. Finally, I'm very sorry that you felt the need to come down here. Now not only have you ruined my marriage, you've ruined my lunch.

Charlotte:
Is it so much to ask that you not wear your dress up around your see-you-next-Tuesday?

Samantha:
My what?

Charlotte:
See... you... next

Carrie:
Tuesday? Oh my god, was that a Schoolhouse Rock I missed?

Carrie:
Here, swear. Swear on Chanel.

Charlotte:
Will you please not use the f-word in Vera Wang?

Carrie:
Have you ever been in love?

Mr. Big:
Abso-f***ing-lutely

Carrie:
It's a slippery slope. First you're going once a week, and then it's three times a week, and then the next thing you know, you're starting every sentence with, "My shrink says".

Miranda:
My shrink says thats a very common fear.

Miranda:
I once was broken up with by a guy's doorman: "I'm sorry Ms. Hobbes, Jonathan won't be coming down. Ever."

Charlotte:
Allow me to get right to the point. After careful consideration, I have decided that this is the year I am getting married.

Carrie:
Your girl is lovely Hubbell.

Mr. Big:
I don't get it.

Carrie:
And you never did.

Samantha:
F*** me badly once, shame on you. F*** me badly twice, shame on me.

Stanford:
Oh, my god, she's fashion roadkill!

Samantha:
You have a lot of nerve telling me to get a wax. If you were in Aruba the natives could bead your back. And it's not just there: every time I blow you I feel like I'm flossing.

Carrie:
I will never be the woman with the perfect hair, who can wear white and not spill on it.

Samantha:
I'm a tri-sexual. I'll try anything once.

Samantha:
You men have no idea what we're dealing with down there. Teeth placement, and jaw stress, and suction, and gag reflex, and all the while bobbing up and down, moaning and trying to breathe through our noses. Easy? Honey, they don't call it a job for nothing.

Miranda:
What's the big mystery? It's my clitoris, not the sphinx.

Carrie:
I think you just found the title of your autobiography.

Carrie:
Balls are to men what purses are to women. It's just a little bag, but we'd feel naked in public without it.

Miranda:
I said no white, no ivory, no nothing that says 'virgin'. I have a child. The jig is up.

[in the Vogue accessories closet]

Carrie Bradshaw:
[shrieks as she picks up a pair of shoes] Oh my God! Do you know what these are? Manolo Blahnik Mary Janes! I thought these were an urban shoe myth!

Carrie:
Hey, you think it could really be as simple as my father walked out, therefore I'll always be messed up about men?

Miranda:
My father came home every night at seven on the dot and I have no clue about men either.

Samantha:
Can we cut the cake? I have a three-way to go to.

Carrie:
I'm drunk. I'm drunk at *Vogue*!

Harry Goldenblatt:
Oh, I get it. We got kind of an ass-white couch situation here.

[complaining about her husband]

Charlotte:
We have a tea bag situation.

Samantha:
Oh honey, I totally understand. Just breathe through your nose.

[pause. All stare at Samantha]

Samantha:
When you're sucking his balls.

Carrie:
The fact is, sometimes it's really hard to walk in a single woman's shoes. That's why we need really special ones now and then to make the walk a little more fun.

Charlotte York:
I feel like we don't belong here!

Carrie Bradshaw:
That's because we're wearing shirts!

Miranda Hobbes:
Seriously, why don't straight men have bodies like this?

Carrie Bradshaw:
Because gay men have the possibility of sex at the gym! If straight men had that they'd be working out all the time too!

Samantha Jones:
I've had sex at the gym!

Carrie Bradshaw:
See, Samantha's doing her part to motivate the masses!

Charlotte York:
I can't believe you took Ecstasy from a stranger!

Samantha Jones:
It wasn't a stranger. It was a friend of my friend Bobby's friend Bobby!

Charlotte York:
Well, then you know it's safe.

Samantha Jones:
Well it's about f***in' time. Get over here and do me.

Carrie Bradshaw:
Is that your standard greeting now?

Samantha Jones:
Oh sorry I thought it was Richard.

Miranda Hobbes:
These are my last months of freedom and I'm spending them in bed.

Samantha Jones:
Just don't spend them alone in bed.

Charlotte York:
This is gay porn.

Miranda Hobbes:
What was your first clue?

Charlotte York:
You said we were watching an independent film. I brought biscotti.

Carrie Bradshaw:
Relax. I've watched it already, and I'm telling you this really funny.

Samantha Jones:
See, that's the way to do it. No "I love you.", just good old fashioned f***ing.

Charlotte York:
This is gay porn.

Miranda Hobbes:
What was your first clue?

Charlotte York:
You said we were watching an independent film. I brought biscotti.

Carrie Bradshaw:
Relax. I've watched it already, and I'm telling you, this is really funny.

Samantha Jones:
See? That's the way to do it. No "I love you", just good old fashioned f***ing.

Samantha:
Until he says "I love you", you're a free agent.

Carrie:
What is this? The Rules According to Samantha?

Samantha:
See? I'm more old-fashioned than you think.

Aidan Shaw:
I don't want to be paranoid here, but you took Pete for a walk, and we both know you are not big on the dog-walking thing. And I smell something. Are you cheating? I can smell the smoke on you.

Carrie:
Oh.

Charlotte:
[hearing the front door open] Hi, honey. I'm a bad wife. I ordered Chinese.

Harry:
I got something from China, too. They're giving us a baby.

Charlotte:
What? How?

Harry:
I guess God remembered our address. We get her in six months... and here she is.

[hands Charlotte a photo of the baby]

Charlotte:
[smiling through tears] That's our baby. I know it. That's really our baby!

Smith Jerrod:
Hey, babe, I flew back.

Samantha:
You flew all night? Why?

Smith Jerrod:
I forgot to tell you something on the phone: I love you.

Samantha:
You flew back to tell me that?

Smith Jerrod:
Can you think of a better reason?

Samantha:
[with a tear in her eye] No, I can't. You have meant more to me than any man I have ever known.

Magda:
What you did. That is love. You love.

Miranda:
[after giving Steve's mother, who has had a stroke, a bath] Let's not make a big deal of it to Steve. It will upset him.

Big:
It took me a really long time to get here, but I'm here. Carrie, you're the one.

Big:
I have to hand it to you kid. Most people come to Paris to fall in love. You came and got slapped.

Carrie:
I am someone who is looking for love. Real love. Ridiculous, inconvenient, consuming, can't-live-without-each-other love.

Big:
You know, I don't live here anymore and the Four Seasons won't check you in until 1.

Carrie:
Oh, you wanna come up?

Big:
Abso-f***ing-lutely.

Carrie:
Later that day I got to thinking about relationships. There are those that open you up to something new and exotic, those that are old and familiar, those that bring up lots of questions, those that bring you somewhere unexpected, those that bring you far from where you started, and those that bring you back. But the most exciting, challenging and significant relationship of all is the one you have with yourself. And if you can find someone to love the you you love, well, that's just fabulous.

Carrie:
[Picking up beads from her broken necklace, Carrie looks up and sees Big smiling down at her] Hi.

[Bursts into tears]

Big:
Hey! Hey! Why the tears?

Carrie:
Paris is a mess. I never should have come here. Everything fell apart, we had a big fight and then I got slapped.

Big:
[shocked] You got what?

Carrie:
No, he didn't mean it. It was just an accident.

Big:
[enraged] He slapped you? I'll kick his ass.

Carrie:
What? No!

Big:
Ok, what room were you in?

Carrie:
I'm not telling you that.

Night Clerk:
I see you were in room 625.

Big:
Room 625? Thank you.

[storms off]

Carrie:
Wait! What do you think you're doing?

Big:
I think I'm kicking some Russian ass.

Carrie:
I miss New York. Take me home.

[at Carrie's very emotional and weepy goodbye dinner a few hours before Carrie is leaving for Paris - Charlotte in particular is being a total weepy waterworks]

Samantha:
Let's pull it up, shall we? I'd like to show my face here again.

Carrie:
Yes, the tears have to go. Right. Someone say something not sentimental.

Samantha:
Chemo might have kicked me into early menopause.

Miranda:
Task accomplished!

Samantha:
You would not BELIEVE the hot flashes! I can barely keep my clothes on!

Carrie:
Really? What was your excuse before the chemo?

Samantha:
[lovingly] Oh, I'm gonna miss you, you c*nt.

[Charlotte breaks into tears again]

Miranda:
Wow, even "c*nt" didn't stop her!

[to Charlotte, Samantha and Miranda]

Mr. Big:
You're the loves of her life, and a guy would be lucky to come in fourth.

Carrie:
You do this every time! *Every* time! What? Do you have some sort of radar? Carrie might be happy - it's time to sweep in and sh*t all over it?

Big:
What? No, no, I came here to tell you something. I made a mistake. You and I...

Carrie:
You and I - *nothing*! You can not do this to me again! You can not jerk me around!

Big:
Carrie, listen to me. It is different this time...

Carrie:
Oh, it's never different! It's six years of *never* being different! This is it! I am done! Don't call me ever again! Forget you know my number! In fact, forget you know my name! And you can drive up this street all you want - because I don't live here any more!

Big:
[to Charlotte, Samantha and Miranda about Carrie] Look, I need your advice. You three know her better than anyone, you're the loves of her life. And a guy's just lucky to come in fourth. But I do love her. And if you think I have the slightest chance, I'll be on the next plane to Paris, I'll roam the streets till I find her, I'll do anything. But if you think she really is... happy... well, then I wouldn't want to wreck that for her, and I'll be history.

Miranda:
[after the girls all look at each other for a long moment] Go get our girl.

Charlotte:
Everyone knows you only get two great loves in your life.

Carrie:
Everyone who? Where'd you get that?

Charlotte:
I read it in a magazine.

Miranda:
What magazine, "Convenient Theories for You Monthly"?

Carrie:
Maybe the past is like an anchor holding us back. Maybe, you have to let go of who you were to become who you will be.

Samantha:
Come and get me, sailors.

[the girls are walking down a street. As Miranda bends down to rearrange Brady, Samantha spots sailors up ahead]

Samantha:
Ladies, seamen, 12 o'clock!

Miranda:
[to Carrie] I pray when I turn around, there are sailors, because with her, you never know!

Carrie:
That's another reason I love New York. Just like that, it can go from bad to cute.

Carrie:
[to Samantha] This past week I've seen Miranda's b*obs and Charlotte's boob. Why don't you show me your b*obs too and the circle is full?

[Samantha flashes her b*obs]

Carrie:
I was kidding.

[Charlotte has just told the girls about a magazine article she read which said that a woman only gets two "great loves" in her lifetime]

Charlotte:
So far I've only had one great love - Trey.

[to Miranda]

Charlotte:
How many great loves have you had?

Miranda:
Zero.

Carrie:
Really? What about Steve?

Miranda:
Steve's a friend, not a core-shaker.

Samantha:
Well, I'm done with great love. I'm back to great lovers.

Miranda:
[to Carrie] You?

Carrie:
I refuse to define love in those limited terms

Miranda:
[laughing] I had to!

Charlotte:
Oh, come on Carrie! Aidan and Big!

[Charlotte pauses as she realizes what she just said. Carrie looks up at her]

Carrie:
One, two. And according to you, I'm done!

Charlotte:
No, no, it was a stupid article. It was at the dentist!

Carrie:
No, no, no, no, too late now. You said it, it's over for me. "Here lies Carrie. She had two loves and lots o' shoes."

Carrie:
[last lines]

Carrie:
[voice over] If Louis was right, and you only get one great love, New York may just be mine. And I can't have nobody talking sh*t about my boyfriend. A short while later, I had a thought... [out loud] Taxi! [voice over] Maybe the past is like an anchor holding us back. Maybe you have to let go of who you were, to become who you will be.

Carrie:
She's shiny Hair Style Section Vera Wang and I'm the sex column they run next to ads for penile implants.

Carrie:
I've talked to her twice. Once I was in a cowboy hat and once I was in my bra. I'm like friggin' Annie Get Your Clothes On.

Charlotte:
I didn't grow up in a naked house.

Carrie:
Well I didn't either.

Charlotte:
[laughing about a naked woman in the locker room] I bet she grew up in a naked house.

Carrie:
She might still live in a naked house.

[about "Roman Numeral" guys]

Samantha Jones:
I find that the higher the number, the worse the sex. I went out Some Guy the Third who couldn't even get it up.

Miranda Hobbes:
Imagine how bad Henry VIII must have been.

Aidan Shaw:
You broke my heart!

Carrie:
Wait a minute. Are we talking tukhis lingus?

Miranda:
[about analingus] Some guy must have found one woman that loved it and then went around telling everyone, "Women LOOOVE this!"

Samantha:
You've got to get online, honey. If only for the porn.

Carrie:
How does this happen? How do they get the message that the ass is now on the menu?

Charlotte York:
I hate it when you're the only single person at a dinner party and they all look at you like you're a...

Carrie Bradshaw:
Loser?

Miranda Hobbes:
Leper.

Samantha Jones:
Whore.

[first lines]

Carrie Bradshaw:
[voice over narration] One of the best things about living in a city like New York is leaving it. My friend, Patience and her husband invited me out to the Hamptons for the weekend. Patience and Peter were the perfect married couple. They were fun, smart, and they looked like they fell out of a J. Crew catalogue. If their house wasn't right on the beach, I would've hated them.

Miranda Hobbes:
When someone gets married all bets are off, they become married and we become the enemy.

Carrie Bradshaw:
[voice over narration] As the only single lawyer working at her law firm, Miranda had given this topic some thought.

Samantha Jones:
You know, married women are threatened because we can have sex anytime, anywhere, and with anyone.

Carrie Bradshaw:
We can?

Samantha Jones:
And they're afraid we're gonna have it anytime, anywhere with their husbands.

Charlotte York:
I would never sleep with a married man.

Samantha Jones:
What makes you so sure you haven't? Wedding rings come off you know. Face it ladies, if you're still single, you are not to be trusted.

Carrie Bradshaw:
[voice over narration] Was Miranda right? Were we enemies? Is there a secret cold war between marrieds and singles?

Miranda Hobbes:
Christ! When did being single translate into being gay?

Carrie Bradshaw:
[to Carrie] I'm determined to make partner in this firm, even if I have to be a lesbian partner.

Carrie Bradshaw:
[to David & Lisa] I'm beginning to think I may not be the marrying kind.

Carrie Bradshaw:
[voice over narration] He was like the flesh and blood equivalent of a DKNY dress. You know it's not your style, but it's right there, so you try it on anyway.

Charlotte York:
How did you manage to get a new boyfriend in a week?

Carrie Bradshaw:
He's not my boyfriend. He's just somebody I'm trying on.

Carrie Bradshaw:
[voice over narration] Everywhere I looked, people were standing in two's. It was like Noah's, upper west side rent-controlled ark.

Carrie Bradshaw:
Okay, I owe you. I didn't know that all of his buddies were gonna be married. Oh, my god, you're doing tequila shots?

Samantha Jones:
[drunk] You see, that buddy over there? I f***ed him. You see that buddy over there? I f***ed him too. I never thought I'd see them again.

Carrie Bradshaw:
Well, maybe you should start tagging your married men and that way you can keep track of them.

Samantha Jones:
[drunk, to Carrie, on the possibility that Carrie's boyfriend will propose to her] If you turn into one of those married a**holes, I'll kill you.

Samantha Jones:
[to Peter] I heard about you. Big pepper mill dick!

Miranda Hobbes:
Yep, definitely straight.

Syd:
Yeah, you are.

Miranda Hobbes:
Sorry.

[last lines]

Carrie Bradshaw:
[voice over narration] As I sifted through the rubble of my marriage skirmish, I had a thought. Maybe the fight between marrieds and singles is like the war in Northern Island. We're all basically the same, but somehow we wound up on different sides. Sure, it'd be great to have that one special person to walk home with, but sometimes there's nothing better than meeting your single girlfriends for a night at the movies.

Carrie:
I'm thinking balls are to men, what purses are to women. It's just a little bag but we'd feel naked in public without it.

Miranda:
I made him cry. No, first I yelled at him - I yelled at my friend the cancer patient - then I made him cry.

Miranda:
Women don't care. We care about nice arms, great eyes, a big dick... I've never once heard a woman say: "He had such a big full scrotum."

Steve:
Who's gonna f*** a uniball bartender?

Sean:
[ice skating] You know it might be easier to balance without the cigarette.

Carrie:
Cigarettes are the only thing that keep me balanced.

Samantha:
I'm a "trisexual". I'll try anything once.

Carrie:
Vodka, rum, gin, gay, bi, straight... this party was a veritable pu pu platter of sexual orientation.

Samantha:
[to her male intern] The bad news is you're fired. The good news is now I can f*** you.

Miranda Hobbes:
I'm going to find my inner goddess if it kills me.

Carrie:
I'm not even sure bisexuality exists. I think it's just a layover on the way to Gaytown.

Miranda:
Isn't that right next to Ricky Martinville?

Carrie:
You know what the craziest thing is? I actually thought after everything I've been through, I might end up with my high school boyfriend. Yeah, I don't think my story's gonna get tied up like that.

Stanford:
Your boyfriend might get tied up.

Carrie:
...and taken away! Okay, no more jokes. I might be dating him in eight to ten months.

Carrie:
So maybe it won't look like you thought it would in high school, but it's important to remember that love is possible. Anything is possible. This is New York.

Miranda:
I just got Brady to sleep.

Dr. Robert Leeds:
Now, do you sing to him?

Miranda:
Only if he's been bad.

Stanford:
I missed my prom in high school because...

Anthony Marantino:
You were gay.

Stanford:
No. My girlfriend and I broke up the night before because...

Anthony Marantino:
You were gay.

Stanford:
No. I wasn't gay until...

Anthony Marantino:
You were born.

Stanford:
Never mind.

Miranda:
I'm sorry, Steve, I'm an a**hole.

Steve Brady:
Yeah, you are, but you're my a**hole.

Miranda:
That's sweet and gross at the same time.

Charlotte York:
[on the phone with Miranda] Brady saw us having sex!

Miranda:
And?

Charlotte York:
He was looking at me, during -!

Miranda:
Charlotte, he doesn't know what that is. He doesn't know where his nose is.

Charlotte York:
[yelling] Harry! Brady can't be anywhere near this conversation!

Harry Goldenblatt:
I think it's too late, he just said, "Sex is dirty."

Charlotte York:
That's not funny!

Miranda:
I don't understand, why do you have to have chemo?

Samantha Jones:
Because he's an a**hole!

Carrie Bradshaw:
Apparently there could be something microscopic...

Samantha Jones:
Like his dick!

Carrie Bradshaw:
I'm sorry, do you have cancer or Tourette's?

[Carrie and Charlotte are in the park]

Carrie:
The Russian doesn't want to have kids. Had one a long time ago. He's done.

Charlotte:
Well, then, "dosvidanya" or however you say it.

Carrie:
What? No! For you maybe, but not for me.

Charlotte:
Don't you want to have the option?

Carrie:
Well, yes. But it's my experience that men like him don't come along that often.

Charlotte:
But we're 38! These are the years.

Carrie:
Yes, I know, I've heard. I'm running out of time. I don't even have time to eat this cookie.

Charlotte:
How is it?

Carrie:
It's so good I forgot to have children.

Samantha:
[to the girls] I think I have monogamy. I caught it from you people.

Carrie:
Now it's airborne.

Carrie:
I am yours. There is no one else. I love you. But I can't marry you to make you trust me. Aidan. Aidan. Look at me before we make a huge mistake.

Aidan Shaw:
If you don't want to marry me right now, you'll never want to marry me.

Carrie:
That's not true.

Aidan Shaw:
I think it is.

Carrie:
We had left the world of black and white, and now everything was gray.

Mr. Big:
Stay.

Carrie:
I can't.

Mr. Big:
Why not?

Carrie:
Because, dear friend, you and I are like that red wall. It's a good idea in theory, but somehow it doesn't quite work.

Carrie:
[narration at the finale, during the rooftop party] Don't worry - they have a very lovely life...

Charlotte:
Schooner and Rebecca need each other. Schooner and Rebecca need each other.

Charlotte:
Look. She's got big b*obs. So does she. It's the big b*obs bonanza issue.

Miranda:
[on finding out she is pregnant] WHY didn't I use a condom?

Carrie:
You didn't use a condom?

Miranda:
He has one ball, and I have a lazy ovary! In what twisted world does that create a baby? It's like the Special Olympics of conception!

Lucy Liu:
If I was as bad an actress as you, I'd still be serving onion rings at TGI Fridays!

Carrie:
Here. Swear. Swear on Chanel.

Miranda:
Oh God, Carrie, is this my baby? I mean, what am I waiting for?

Carrie:
Sweetie, do you want to leave?

Miranda:
No, I can't have a baby. I could barely find the time to schedule this abortion.

[Miranda's new "Weight Watchers" boyfriend is a messy lover to which Carrie quips]

Carrie:
Miranda's dating an over-eater, and he over-ate her.

Carrie:
[while talking about a possible cover for her book that she didn't like] Well, wait, let me see it again.

Carrie:
[they show her the book] No, absolutely not, I would rather die.

Samantha:
[about a vibrator] That one actually works against you. If we wanted to work that hard we'd find ourselves a man, am I right?

Harry Goldenblatt:
[reading telegram from Trey MacDougal] Charolette York was a wonderful wife -Stop- She did nothing wrong -Stop- Give her everything she wants -Stop- Seriously mother -Stop.

Samantha:
Babies are not my scene. From what I've heard, this one sounds like an a**hole.

Carrie Bradshaw:
You can't call a baby an a**hole!

Samantha:
Why not? She called him a meatloaf.

Samantha:
[to Carrie about Big] Have fun, just don't have amnesia.

Carrie:
I just left "silent Y" in the bathroom. Oh and P.S., apparently the eighties are back.

Miranda:
I don't want a boyfriend who does that. It's never okay to do that. Wait your turn, shut the door, do your business.

Samantha:
I've done the girl thing - once, twice, usually involved a guy and a couple of quaaludes. It was nice really, and really nice for the guy.

Samantha:
I'm dating a guy with the funkiest tasting spunk...

[Charlotte storms out of the coffee shop]

Miranda:
[to Carrie] And she's never coming back!

Charlotte:
I proposed to myself.

Carrie:
What?

Charlotte:
Yes. I suggested he have a tomato salad, then I suggested we get married.

Carrie:
Wait. What exactly did he say?

Charlotte:
All righty.

Carrie:
All righty? He said all righty? Now I'm thinking the upsetting thing isn't that you proposed, it's that you proposed to a guy that says "all righty".

Charlotte:
Oh, Carrie, stop.

Carrie:
All righty.

[the girls are having lunch]

Carrie:
Big's leaving his wife!

[all girls gasp]

Carrie:
He got drunk and told me at the furniture show

Miranda:
What was he doing at a furniture show?

Carrie:
Drinkin' and leaving his wife!

Charlotte:
What am I going to tell my kids? "Well, Mommy really wanted to get married so she asked Daddy and Daddy said "All righty.""

Samantha:
You men have no idea what we're dealing with down there. Teeth placement, and jaw stress, and suction, and gag reflex, and all the while bobbing up and down, moaning and trying to breathe through our noses. Easy? Honey, they don't call it a job for nothin'.

Samantha:
I have a date with a dildo.

Samantha:
I need a new gynecologist. Do you like yours?

Miranda:
Not right now, no.

Samantha:
Well, at least she's a woman. I tried to go to a man, but it was just too strange. Having a guy spend all that time down there and then you leave, without an orgasm and a bill!

Carrie:
Man may have discovered fire, but women discovered how to play with it.

[on meeting Big's new girlfriend]

Carrie:
[quoting "The Way We Were"] Your girl is lovely, Hubbell.

Mr. Big:
I don't get it.

Carrie:
And you never did.

Carrie:
You string me along for two years and you marry some 25 year old girl after five months.

Carrie:
Maybe some women aren't meant to be tamed. Maybe they need to run free until they find someone just as wild to run with.

Carrie:
[Miranda has just told Carrie that Steve wants to be exclusive, and that she's feeling conflicted about it] Uh-oh. Time for the ol' list.

Miranda:
The list?

Carrie:
Things you like about Steve, things you don't like about Steve. Then see which list is longer.

Miranda:
That seems so judgmental.

Carrie:
Miranda, you *are* judgmental. Try putting it to good use.

Charlotte York:
How could you not have seen The Way We Were?

Samantha Jones:
Chick film.

Samantha:
Women are for friendships, and men are for f***ing.

Carrie:
Honey, you have got to learn to form an opinion.

Carrie:
After two advanced yoga classes and a hit of the best Columbian Gold she could find, Samantha was ready to take on Mount Everest.

Miranda:
When did you stop calling her the idiot stick figure with no soul?

Carrie:
Three weeks ago when I saw them at Cafe M. He was smiling and holding her hand and I finally got it. They're happy slash we're over.

Carrie Bradshaw:
Have you met Liz? She works in TV.

Guy:
Get outta here! I love TV!

Carrie:
That night, Trey successfully screwed his wife for a full minute-and-a-half... before the wind died.

Carrie Bradshaw:
So why are you in therapy. Seriously?

Seth:
I'm really f***ed up about women. After I sleep with them, I completely lose interest. What about you? What's your problem?

Carrie Bradshaw:
[narrating] I believe in therapy, this moment is called "the breakthrough".

Carrie Bradshaw:
I pick the wrong men.

Carrie:
[about therapists] First they want you to come there two times a week, then three times a week, and eventually you're starting every sentence with 'my therapist says... '

Miranda:
My therapist says that's a very common fear.

Samantha:
If we could perpetually do blowj*bs to every guy on earth, we would own the world.

Carrie:
And at least our hands would be free to greet dignitaries and everything.

Charlotte:
It's like we live in the Museum of Natural Ugliness!

Carrie:
You've traded Steve-o for TiVo

[Charlotte is converting to Judaism]

Charlotte:
Hello, My name is Charlotte York and I am interested in joining the Jewish faith.

Rabbi:
Sorry, we're not interested.

[closes the door in her face]

Samantha:
F*** me badly once, shame on you. F*** me badly twice, shame on me!

Samantha:
It's for that hot waiter from Raw. I'm sleeping with him tonight. But he doesn't know it yet

Carrie, Charlotte:
Who else has news?

Charlotte:
I do. But you will have to put down your menus because I need your undivided attention.

Samantha:
Well, you'll have to shoot our waiter. Will you look at that ass?

Charlotte:
I have something a bit shocking to say. And after I say it, I don't want anyone to react because I'm very happy with my decision. I'm becoming a Jew.

Mr. Big:
How are things with that guy, Hot Dog?

Carrie:
Berger.

Carrie:
What are you doing golfing?

Mr. Big:
Oh, I'm just in it for the Scotch afterwards.

Mrs. Adams:
[Wade and Carrie have been smoking pot at Wade's house. Wade's parents come home early and Mrs. Adams smells marijuana] Have you been smoking marijuana in my house?

Wade:
[looks at Carrie] Carrie brought it.

Mrs. Adams:
Is this true Carrie?

Carrie:
Yes it is Mrs. Adams. And I'm gonna take it with me when I leave.

Carrie:
[laughing uncontrollably] Wait, Wade, Wait... The Chicken Wings. If they come in and see billions of chicken wings they're gonna know

[more laughing]

Carrie:
...that we were smoking the POT.

Charlotte:
[describing a sex fantasy with Trey] You pull me off my unicorn, you tear away my gossamer petticoats, and you put your schooner deep inside my Rebecca.

Samantha Jones:
Sex with an ex can be depressing. If it's good you can't get it anymore. If it's bad you just had sex with an ex.

Carrie Bradshaw:
It wouldn't be bad.

Samantha Jones:
Oh.

[after hearing Big is moving to Napa, California]

Carrie:
If you're tired you take a nap-a, you don't move to Napa.

Samantha:
Where were you on your lunch break? I stopped by your office and you weren't there.

Richard:
I was eating.

Samantha:
Eating? Eating who?

Carrie:
It's comforting to know, the ones you love are always in your heart. And if you're very lucky, a plane ride away.

Carrie:
"Going-out-of-business sex", what do we think?

Miranda:
[immediately] No.

Carrie:
All right, Quick Draw, give it a second here.

Miranda:
[gives it a literal second] No.

Charlotte York:
Miranda has a son!

Samantha:
Just what the world needs. Another man.

Samantha:
My name's Samantha and I'm a loveaholic.

Carrie:
[to Mr. Big] I'll see you Sunday night. Don't disappoint us. And by us, I mean you and me.

Charlotte:
She can marry a gay guy but you can't marry an Episcopalian?

Miranda Hobbes:
"Mr. Broadway has to tinkle"? That must be the gayest sentence ever uttered.

Carrie Bradshaw:
He doesn't need her money, he was one of the original investors in "A Chorus Line."

Miranda Hobbes:
Just when I thought it couldn't get any gayer than "Mr. Broadway has to tinkle."

[at Bobby and Bitsy's wedding]

Samantha Jones:
Something tells me Bitsy's not *doing* Fine.

Harry Goldenblatt:
And that's the bit of information she's been "von Muffling."

Jack Berger:
[to Carrie] Maybe we should go out on a date before we break up.

Miranda:
I don't know why they call it "morning sickness" when it's all *f***ing* day long. Unless it's M-O-U-R-N, as in, "Mourning the loss of your single life."

Miranda:
[opening the door to find Steve proposing to her] What - are you f***ing crazy?

Steve Brady:
[pause] That's your answer?

Miranda:
You're gonna see me with this baby and think you're in love with me.

Steve Brady:
I don't know, I've seen you with my dog and you mostly just seem uncomfortable.

Trey:
You're learning Chinese?

Charlotte:
Well, just in case, I want to be able to speak to the baby.

Aidan Shaw:
I love you, Carrie. There's no one I could love more. I want to live my life with you.

Carrie Bradshaw:
[voice over] Maybe there are no right moments, right guys, right answers. Maybe you just have to say what's in your heart.

Carrie Bradshaw:
Yes.

Carrie Bradshaw:
I'm engaged.

Samantha Jones:
F*** you!

Charlotte:
[watching the dancers at the Highland Fling] For something called a "fling" it looks like a lot of work.

Bunny MacDougal:
That's what I used to tell Trey about you.

Charlotte:
If you had a patient who had a very, very slim chance of living, would that be good news? Would you tell the family, "Buck up, he's got a shot in hell?"

Carrie:
Charlotte felt like Cinderella... Cinderella in a dirty, kinky, freaked out storybook parallel universe.

Carrie:
[voice over] Did I really love Big, or was I addicted to the pain, the exquisite pain, of wanting someone so unattainable.

Mr. Big:
Get another cocktail, woman!

Charlotte York:
When did it become fall?

Anthony:
Somewhere between your ovaries and my boredom.

[about Alek's sex appeal]

Carrie Bradshaw:
I almost did it with him on a park bench in front of children.

Samantha Jones:
What stopped you?

Carrie Bradshaw:
Uh, common decency?

Samantha Jones:
[flippantly] Oh, that.

Miranda:
[stomps her foot while on the phone at Steve's] DAMMIT! I f***ed up Debbie's B!

Anthony Marantino:
I've never what? Lost the love of my life? Wrong! Paulo. Brazilian. Broke my heart. I've never gotten over him. An ass like two scoops of butter pecan ice cream.

[a fat jerk wants Miranda to leave a blackjack table when they're in Atlantic City]

Jerk One:
Hey red, move your fat ass!

Carrie:
[after a stunned pause] What did you just say to her?

Samantha:
Who the hell do you think you are?

Jerk Two:
Get in the game or get out!

Miranda:
[to the girls] Guys, let's just go. It's okay.

Carrie:
No, it is most certainly *not* okay!

Charlotte:
Listen, you big jerk, her "ass" isn't normally this big!

Miranda:
[after a pause] Yes... thank you, I almost forgot! My ass is fat because I just had a baby, you a**hole!

Samantha:
What's your excuse?

Carrie:
Yeah, ya havin' triplets?

Carrie:
Here we are ladies, Atlantic City! Look around and breathe it all in!

Carrie:
[breathes in] Ahhhhhh, I've missed this! Ahhh, yeah!

Samantha:
You've been here before?

Carrie:
I was referring to the cigarette smoke.

Nick Waxler:
Why f*** the girl in the skirt, when you can f*** the girl in the ad for the skirt?

[first lines]

Carrie Bradshaw:
[voice over narration] Last night my friend Miranda got invited to a dinner party by a man she hardly knew. She was the date of Nick Waxler, a fairly successful sports agent who'd said she had nice legs.

Nick Waxler:
Okay, old movies you would have liked to f*** when they were young.

Miranda Hobbes:
Alive or dead?

Nick Waxler:
It doesn't matter. Veronica Lake, the year she made 'Sullivan's Travels'.

Miranda Hobbes:
If men like Nick are dating models, what chance do ordinary women have? I mean, do you have to be a supermodel to get a date in New York?

Carrie Bradshaw:
[voice over narration] Modelizers are a particular breed. They're a step beyond womanizers, who will sleep with just about anything in a skirt. Modelizers are obsessed, not with women, but with models, who in most cities are safely confined to billboards and magazines, but in Manhattan, actually run wild on the streets, turning the city into a virtual Model Country Safari where men can pet the creatures in their natural habitat. As if we didn't have enough problems!

Samantha Jones:
I've been out with lots of guys and they say I am just as beautiful as a model, but I work for a living. I mean, I'm like, well... I'm like a model who's taken the high road.

Miranda Hobbes:
What I wanna know is, when did all the men get together and decide that they would only get it up for giraffes with big breasts?

Charlotte York:
In some cultures, heavy women with moustaches are considered beautiful.

Samantha Jones:
And you're looking at me while you're saying that?

Charlotte York:
I just know that no matter how good I feel about myself, if I see Christy Turlington, I just want to give up.

Miranda Hobbes:
Well I just want to tie her down and force-feed her lard. But that's the difference between you and me.

Samantha Jones:
I happen to love the way I look.

Miranda Hobbes:
You should. You paid enough for it.

Samantha Jones:
Hey! I resent that! I do not believe in plastic surgery. Well, not yet.

Nick Waxler:
It's not like models don't have brains. They have them. They just don't need to use them.

AshLeigh B.:
Most guys just think you're dumb, but I'm really very literary. I read. I'll sit down and I'll read a whole magazine from cover to cover.

Nick Waxler:
My friends think I'm shallow. Sometimes I think they're right. Other times I think, "Hey, I'm f***ing a model".

Carrie Bradshaw:
[voice over narration] I couldn't believe it. The man had slept with half the perfume ads in September's 'Vogue'.

Carrie Bradshaw:
Do you have a light?

Barkley:
Yeah, sure.

Carrie Bradshaw:
[voice over narration] I believe there is a curse put on the head of anybody who tries to fix up their friends.

Carrie Bradshaw:
Is he gay?

Stanford Blatch:
He denies it. How can anyone that gorgeous be straight?

Carrie Bradshaw:
So, wait, what happened you couldn't find seats right on the runway?

Samantha Jones:
Oh, you can see all the flaws from this angle.

Samantha Jones:
[about Barkely] Is he dating any one model in particular?

Carrie Bradshaw:
Actually, he's sleeping with all of them in general.

Mr. Big:
I started reading your column after we met.

Carrie Bradshaw:
You did?

Mr. Big:
Yeah, cute.

Carrie Bradshaw:
"Cute."

Mr. Big:
Well... Yeah, cute. What are you writing about this week?

Carrie Bradshaw:
Well, I'm working on a story about men who date models. Any thoughts?

Mr. Big:
Only that they're very lucky.

Carrie Bradshaw:
[voice over narration] It was hard to imagine that anyone so beautiful could ever be lonely.

Stanford Blatch:
How could you!

Carrie Bradshaw:
I didn't. We just talked.

Stanford Blatch:
Oh, I knew he was gay.

Carrie Bradshaw:
[voice over narration] I began to realize that being beautiful is like having a rent-controlled apartment overlooking the park: completely unfair and usually bestowed upon those who deserve it least.

[last lines]

Mr. Big:
Although there are so many god damn gorgeous women out there in this city.

Carrie Bradshaw:
What an amazing observation.

Mr. Big:
But the thing is this, after a while, you just want to be with the one that makes you laugh. Know what I mean? Okay, see ya.

Carrie Bradshaw:
[voice over narration] I take that back... Beauty is fleeting, but a rent-controlled apartment overlooking the park is forever.

[Charlotte, on seeing the tacky floral arrangement at Miranda's mother's funeral]

Charlotte:
They were supposed to say, "I'm sorry for your loss," not "You're dead, let's disco..."

Samantha:
Wanna wrestle!

Charlotte:
Sex can still be great without an orgasm.

Samantha:
That is such a crock of sh*t.

Carrie Bradshaw:
She has a point.

Miranda:
You haven't had a crush since Big.

Carrie:
Big wasn't a crush. He was a crash.

Charlotte York:
Is he a good kisser?

Samantha Jones:
Oh, who the f*** cares? His dick is like a gherkin.

Tom:
[repeatedly, making love to Miranda] Oh God! Oh God! OH GOD!

Carrie Bradshaw:
He introduced me to his mother as a friend. She never even heard of me. That isn't a good sign.

Miranda Hobbes:
Maybe they're not that close.

Carrie Bradshaw:
Come on, don't lie. You're in a church.

Carrie:
When will waiting for "the one"... be done?

Carrie:
I was told there'd be no clowns - nothing scarier than a clown.

Carrie:
I have a bit of an art question. As you know, Alexander...

Aleksandr Petrovsky:
Aleksandr.

Carrie:
Oh.

Aleksandr Petrovsky:
Aleksandr.

Carrie:
Alexander.

Aleksandr Petrovsky:
Say "Alek".

Carrie:
Alek.

Aleksandr Petrovsky:
Aleksandr.

Carrie:
Alexander.

Aleksandr Petrovsky:
Call me Bob.

Miranda:
I know, I can't move to Brooklyn, even cabs won't go there!

Charlotte York:
Oh, good morning Mrs. Collier. I'm a Jew now. How are you?

Miranda Hobbes:
[on the dating scene] There's a lot of push-pull out there, a lot of mixed messages.

Jack Berger:
Yeah, I'd have to say that's all code for: He's just not that into you.

Charlotte York:
I gave up Christ for you and you can't give up the Mets?

Carrie:
That's my call, can you hang on?

Charlotte:
[the doorbell rings] No, I can't. That's the locksmith. Bunny's back.

Charlotte:
The thing is... there are some things people don't admit because they just don't like the way it sounds. Like, 'I'm getting divorced.'

Carrie:
I'm lonely. I am. The loneliness is palpable.

Carrie:
We were having one of those great first dates that you can only have when its not an actual date.

Stanford:
I can only stay a few minutes. I got tickets to the Vagina Monologues.

Carrie:
Why?

Stanford:
Just because I don't eat at the restaurant doesn't mean I can't hear the specials.

Charlotte York:
Carrie, I love you. But it is not my job to fix your finances. You are a thire-five-year-old woman. You have to learn how to stand on your own.

Carrie:
[to Big] You and I are so over we need a new word for it.

Carrie Bradshaw:
[regarding Mr. Big] The thing is, I was dying to sleep with him, but isn't delayed gratification the definition of maturity?

Samantha Jones:
[someone has drawn a penis on Carrie's Bus Poster] Oh, don't worry, honey! No one notices a bus in New York until it's about to hit them!

Mr. Big:
Interesting dress.

Carrie:
Meaning?

Mr. Big:
Interesting dress.

Samantha Jones:
A guy could just as easily dump you if you f*** him on the first date as he can if you wait until the tenth.

Miranda Hobbes:
When have you ever been on a tenth date?

[first lines]

Carrie Bradshaw:
[narrating voice over] Two weeks ago I had my picture taken...

[Before Carrie goes on her first official date with Mr. Big, she's showing the girls what she's wearing]

Samantha Jones:
Hey honey, it's fabulous. Bravo!

Miranda Hobbes:
It's tits on toast, baby. But you make it work.

Charlotte York:
Well, let's just say it. It's the "naked dress". I mean, you're obviously gonna have sex with him tonight.

Carrie Bradshaw:
Come on, it's our first date!

Miranda Hobbes:
She's not gonna have sex. She's just gonna look like sex.

Carrie Bradshaw:
That's right. I'm just the trailer.

Samantha Jones:
Please. If it happens, it happens. Bottoms up!

Charlotte York:
Wait a second! I thought you were serious about this guy, you can't sleep with him on the first date.

Samantha Jones:
Oh, God!

Miranda Hobbes:
Here she goes again with 'The Rules.'

Samantha Jones:
The women who wrote that book, they wrote it because they couldn't get laid. So they constructed this whole bullshit theory to make women who can get laid feel bad.

Miranda Hobbes:
Forget the math, just don't f*** on a first date, you're fine.

Carrie Bradshaw:
Third date.

Charlotte York:
Too soon!

Samantha Jones:
Reality check.

Charlotte York:
And by then at least you're emotionally involved.

Samantha Jones:
Exactly! I mean, isn't it better to find out if the sex is good right off the bat, before anybody's feelings get hurt?

Miranda Hobbes:
True romance cannot exist without good sex.

Samantha Jones:
And yet you can have good sex with someone you don't like or respect... or even remember.

Carrie Bradshaw:
[narrating voice over, after having sex on the first date with Mr. Big] I will not be the first one to speak. And if he never calls me again, I'll always think of him fondly, as an a**hole.

Miranda Hobbes:
[the man Miranda had just met at the gym asked her out] No, it's too quick. I think maybe that kick in his head scrambled his brains.

Carrie Bradshaw:
No, too quick is sleeping with him on the first date. That's too quick.

Miranda Hobbes:
You both got excited, and you went for it. Stop blaming yourself.

Carrie Bradshaw:
No, I don't blame myself. I blame the dress. The dress!

Samantha Jones:
Have I ever had fabulous sex with someone that I didn't want to admit to? Hmm. Did I ever tell you about that jazz musician who lived with his mother in Queens?

Carrie Bradshaw:
Yeah, Alex.

Samantha Jones:
What about the window washer?

Carrie Bradshaw:
The one who doesn't wear any underwear?

Samantha Jones:
I met this gorgerous kid in Spy Bar last year. He was...

Carrie Bradshaw:
He turned out to be in high school. [narrating voice over] Evidently, Samantha had had lots of sex, none of which was secret.

Samantha Jones:
Fine, it just proves that I'm not ashamed of anyone whom I've slept with.

Samantha Jones:
There's no such thing as bad publicity.

Carrie Bradshaw:
Yeah, you would say that, you're a publicist.

Charlotte York:
So we would talk about art, and sex, and the Torah.

Carrie Bradshaw:
Well, why didn't you introduce him to anybody?

Charlotte York:
I was embarrassed! I mean, I couldn't really date him. And he couldn't date me. I mean, what would people think?

Samantha Jones:
Well, if the sex was good, who cares what anybody thinks?

[last lines]

Carrie Bradshaw:
So you and me... Then maybe this is for real?

Mr. Big:
Could be...

[voice-over, about Charlotte's secret tryst with a Jewish artist]

Carrie Bradshaw:
It was so sexy, so forbidden: Daddy's little Episcopalian princess in the arms of one of God's chosen People.

Miranda:
[Noticing the hot tub full of Playmates at a Playboy Mansion party] Tit soup!

Charlotte:
My marriage is a fake Fendi. He can't even get it up.

Lew:
You want to go grab a drink?

Miranda:
Yes please, the sight of all these white teeth is blinding.

Carrie:
One woman's pornographer is another woman's spiritual leader.

Miranda:
[Noticing the hot tub full of Playmates at a Playboy Mansion party] "Tit soup!"

[last lines]

Carrie Bradshaw:
Have you ever been in love?

Mr. Big:
Abso-f***ing-lutely!

Carrie Bradshaw:
It's like the riddle of the Sphinx: why are there so many great unmarried women, and no great unmarried men?

[first lines]

Carrie Bradshaw:
[voiceover narration] Once upon a time an English journalist came to New York. Elizabeth was attractive and bright, and right away she hooked up with one of the city's typically eligible bachelors.

Elizabeth:
He never did call, of course. Bastard! I don't understand.

Carrie Bradshaw:
[voiceover narration] She told me one day over coffee.

Elizabeth:
I don't understand. In England, looking at houses together, would have meant something.

Carrie Bradshaw:
[voiceover narration] Then I realized, no one had told her about the end of love in Manhattan. Welcome to the age of un-innocence. No one has breakfast at Tiffany's, and no one has affairs to remember. Instead, we have breakfast at seven a.m., and affairs we try to forget as quickly as possible. Self-protection and closing the deal are paramount. Cupid has flown the co-op!

Peter Mason:
There's not one woman in New York who hasn't turned down ten wonderful guys because they were too short, or too fat, or too poor.

Miranda Hobbes:
I have been out with some of those guys. The short, fat, poor ones. It makes absolutely no difference. They are just as self-centered and unappreciative as the good-looking ones.

Peter Mason:
Why don't these women just marry a fat guy? Why don't they just marry a big fat tub of lard?

Miranda Hobbes:
[at the transvestite restaurant for her birthday] It's like that guy, Jeremiah, the poet. I mean the sex was incredible, but then he wanted to read me his poetry and go out to dinner and the whole chat bit, and I'm like, "Let's not even go there."

[after Carrie had sex with Kurt and she left him 'hanging']

Carrie Bradshaw:
[voiceover narration] After I began to get dressed, I'd realized that I'd done it. I'd just had sex like a man. I left feeling powerful, potent, and incredibly alive. I felt like I owned this city. - Nothing and no one could get in my way.

[after someone bumped Carrie and she dropped her purse, all its contents falling out. Mr Big helps her get her stuff]

Carrie Bradshaw:
[voiceover narration] Number one, he's very handsome. Number two, he's not wearing a wedding ring. Number three, he knows I carry a personal supply of ultra-textured Trojans with a reservoir tip.

Carrie Bradshaw:
So what are you doing later?

Kurt Harrington:
I thought you weren't talking to me for the rest of your life?

Carrie Bradshaw:
Who said anything about talking?

Skipper Johnston:
I'm a romantic. I just have so much feeling.

Carrie Bradshaw:
Are you sure you're not gay?

Skipper Johnston:
No!

Capote Duncan:
[to Charlotte] Look I understand where you're coming from, and I totally respect it. But I really need to have sex tonight.

Mr. Big:
So what have you been doing lately?

Carrie Bradshaw:
You mean besides going out every night?

Mr. Big:
Yeah. I mean, what do you do for work?

Carrie Bradshaw:
Well, this is my work. I'm sort of a sexual anthropologist.

Mr. Big:
You mean like a hooker?

Carrie Bradshaw:
No. I umm... I write a column called 'Sex and the City.' Right now I'm researching an article about women who have sex like men. You know, they have sex and then afterwards they feel nothing.

Mr. Big:
But you're not like that?

Carrie Bradshaw:
Well, aren't you?

Mr. Big:
Not a drop. Not even a half of a drop.

Carrie Bradshaw:
Wow! What's wrong with you?

Mr. Big:
I get it... You've never been in love.

Carrie Bradshaw:
Oh, yeah?

Mr. Big:
Yeah.

Carrie Bradshaw:
[voiceover narration] I didn't understand. Did all men secretly want their women promiscuous and emotionally detached? And if I was really having sex like a man, why didn't I feel more in control?

Samantha Jones:
[pointing to Mr. Big] You see that guy? He's the next Donald Trump. Except he's younger and much better looking.

Carrie:
You can't make friends with a squirrel. Squirrels are just rats with cuter outfits.

Samantha:
Anything else around here need milking?

Carrie:
Hi, I'd like a cheeseburger, please, a large fries and a Cosmopolitan.

Carrie:
If by "going," you mean being taken against my will and kidnapped, then yes I'm going. So, enjoy me now, ladies, because this weekend I am Patty Hearst in a mud puddy. I'm a hick town hostage.

Carrie:
The only thing I've ever successfully made in the kitchen is a mess. And several little fires.

[Charlotte York has just discovered that Samantha Jones has slept with her brother Wesley]

Charlotte:
Is your vagina listed in the New York City guide books? Because it should be - hottest spot in town. Always open.

Carrie:
Yes, we'd love to meet Wesley of Wesley and Leslie. And P.S., does he work at Nestl??

Samantha Jones:
I f***ed a guy once because his family had a pool. He was pretty much of a nerd, but I'd go over there and get all coca-buttered up. His mom loved me. She was always serving me Kool-Aid and chips.

Carrie:
Kool-Aid?

Samantha Jones:
Yeah, Kool-Aid. I was 13. And honey, you should have seen my tan.

[Carrie and Miranda are fighting because Miranda does not want Carrie to move to Paris with Petrovsky]

Carrie Bradshaw:
Just say it! You don't like him!

Miranda Hobbes:
Fine! I don't like him!

Carrie Bradshaw:
Then don't *you* go to Paris with him.

[walks away]

Samantha Jones:
[regarding her vibrator] I haven't used it since Smith came back.

Jerry "Smith" Jerrod:
Oh, baby that's sweet.

Lexi Featherston:
I'm so bored I could die.

Carrie:
Miranda was a huge fan of the Yankees. I was a huge fan of being anywhere you could smoke and drink at two in the afternoon without judgment.

James:
How are the most beautiful women on Manhattan?

Miranda:
If we see them, we'll ask.

Miranda:
All we talk about anymore is Big, or balls, or small d*cks. How does it happen that four such smart women have nothing to talk about but boyfriends? It's like seventh grade with bank accounts!

Carrie:
[leaving a message for Big] Hey, uh, I think you're still in England but, uh, its midnight here in New York, and its my birthday. I am official old. So um, I felt the need to call someone... older... haha. Uh anyway some friends are giving me a dinner tomorrow night, well actually its tonight and you're a friend so, um, if you are back in town it's going to be at Ilcantanori at 8:30 and if you're still in London... cheerio old chap... so, okay

Samantha:
I masturbated to my priest... Friar F***!

Carrie:
Okay, I think we're going to have to get Charlotte a crash helmet.

Charlotte:
You have a priest?

Samantha:
[referring to a "hot priest"] Look at his robe. So "Robin and his Merry Men."

Carrie:
It's after twelve. You're late.

Mr. Big:
Not really, I'm on London time.

Carrie:
London is five hours ahead.

Mr. Big:
In that case, I'm really f***ing late.

Woman:
Oh, what a beautiful wedding ring! Where's your husband?

Charlotte:
Oh, um, he's not here. We're actually taking some time apart. We're separated - not legally separated, nothing legal, oh God no! We're just taking some time to figure things out. We got married really fast - love at first sight, didn't think it through. So now we're talking and trying to figure out what he - actually, we, he and I - really want. We love each other so much but that doesn't always mean a marriage is working does it? No, it does not. We had some problems. In the bedroom. but it was more about the fact that we got married so fast. So, now we're just talking and trying to figure things out - just talking, nothing physical. I think it's better if we just talk. So we are talking until we figure it all out. So, no, he's not here.

Woman:
Oh, okay. I have to...

Woman:
[to friend] Don't talk to her.

Carrie:
[Carrie just turned 35] I'm thirty-five.

Samantha:
Oh, shut the f*** up, I'm a hundred and forty.

Samantha:
Do you ever think about me?

Friar:
I believe that God made the body and it's perfect in its splendor. But I'm not of my body. My life is about other joys.

Samantha:
Well, I remember when Danny had more than one thought, and they all involved going up my ass.

Miranda:
Soul mates only exist in the Hallmark aisle of Duane Reade Drugs.

Miranda:
I used to masturbate to a busboy who was rude to me once. What do you think that means? All right. The cheese stands alone.

Charlotte:
Trey, you have a boner... I can't discuss my notes if you have a boner.

Charlotte:
[about an old friend taking the name she made up when she was 11] She stole my baby name!

Samantha:
You b*tch! Let's go home.

Samantha:
Sex with an ex can be depressing. If it's good you can't get it anymore, if it's bad you just had sex with an ex.

Carrie:
It wouldn't be bad.

Samantha:
Oh.

Carrie:
[squeals] I'm gonna get laid! I'M GONNA GET LAID!

Carrie:
What? Now? What about last night, all those concerns?

Big:
F*** it. You'll need material for the sequel.

Carrie:
[on starting an all-male brothel industry] We should open one in every block, like Starbucks!

Samantha:
Starf***s!

Carrie:
[waiting with Mr. Winkle, the puppet dog, for her book reading to start] This book tour's tough.

Carrie:
[Mr. Winkle continues to nod and pant. Carrie gives him a good look] That's a cute top.

Anthony Marantino:
Some of the best sex I've had is with people I can't stand.

Harry Goldenblatt:
Charlotte, you're so beautiful. Your skin is so soft, so smooth...

Charlotte York:
And you... have a hard dick.

Anthony Marantino:
Ugly sex is hot.

Carrie:
One woman's Titanic is another woman's Love Boat.

Charlotte:
Oh my God! Vagina weights!

Samantha:
Honey, my vagina waits for no man.

Mr. Big:
Listen. I know what you're really pissed off about. But it's just something I've gotta do in my own time! Okay? Well, I f***ing love you! All right? You know I do.... It's just a tough thing for me to say, because it always seems to get me in trouble ... when I say it. Okay?

Carrie Bradshaw:
Okay.

Anthony Marantino:
We want candles, candles, candles. And I don't want short, stubby, broken up dick candles. I want long tapers.

[on trapeze-flying]

Charlotte York:
I could never! I have the most terrible fear of heights.

Carrie Bradshaw:
Well, I do not. You've seen my shoes.

Charlotte York:
I'm having a Jewish wedding and I look like Hitler!

Charlotte York:
[modeling her dress for her Jewish wedding] Is it okay?

Anthony Marantino:
Okay? You're Audrey Hepburn... owitz!

Carrie:
Someone's definition of what constitutes cheating is in direct proportion to how much they themselves want to cheat.

Miranda:
That's moral relativism.

Carrie:
I prefer to think of it as quantum cheating.

Carrie:
Sure I knew it was wrong, seeing an emotionally unavailable man I had sworn off months earlier. But the guilt worked like an aphrodisiac. I had never felt sexier or more alive in my entire life.

Carrie:
It was all very familiar. She was having a dej?-f***.

Carrie:
I better find Big.

Miranda:
I'm coming with you.

Carrie:
Can you leave the guest book unattended?

Miranda:
It's a bullshit job Carrie, people know what to do with the guest book!

Miranda:
Guess what? The guest book person is also the put the gifts in the van person. Does anybody wanna help me or should I just go stand out in the street and wait for somebody else not to see me so I can end it?

Carrie:
I'll help you, what street do you wanna stand in?

Charlotte:
[when Charlotte's dog gets on heat at the dog show] I once won a junior-gymnastics meet when I had mine.

Anthony Marantino:
It's a dog... what are you gonna do? Go find a teeny-tiny tampon?

Miranda Hobbes:
Elizabeth Taylor got gang-banged in the park?

Samantha Jones:
Oh god, that's so 80's!

Charlotte York:
Big is in town?

Carrie Bradshaw:
Yeah, he's having a little heart thing done.

Miranda Hobbes:
What, is he on the wait list to get one?

Carrie Bradshaw:
No, and you're going to feel incredibly bad in a minute: he's here because he's having heart surgery.

Miranda Hobbes:
Okay, I'm officially a monster, please continue.

Carrie Bradshaw:
Honey, if it hurts so much, why are we going shopping?

Samantha Jones:
I have a broken toe, not a broken spirit.

Miranda:
[to a heckling construction worker] You got what I want? You got what I need? What I WANT... is to GET LAID. What I NEED... is to GET LAID. I NEED to GET LAID.

Miranda:
[Carrie told Miranda that she farted while in bed with Big] You farted. You're human.

Carrie Bradshaw:
I don't want him to know that.

Carrie:
That was the day I came face to face with my freak: The frightening woman whose fear ate her sanity.

Carrie:
Somewhere out there is another little freak who will love us and understand us and kiss our three heads and make it all better.

Miranda:
I can't believe this. We spend our lives hiding the fat in our ass and you're putting it right on your face?

Miranda:
Whatever happened to aging gracefully?

Carrie:
It got old.

Harrison:
I think you should know my specialty is sexual harrassment.

Samantha Jones:
Really. So is mine.

Miranda:
If a man is over thirty and single, there's something wrong with him. It's Darwinian. They're being weeded out from propagating the species.

Carrie:
Okay, what about us?

Miranda:
We're just choosy.

Samantha:
Carrie, you can't date your f*** buddy.

Samantha:
You can't date your f*** buddy... You're going to take the only person in your life that's there purely for sex, no strings attached, and turn him into a human being? Why?

Miranda:
My f*** buddy moved to Chicago. Now, we have phone sex.

Carrie:
You can stay here with your boxes of sh*t and your shoe-eating dog, and knock yourself out putting on the rogaine and the speedstick!

Miranda Hobbes:
[shopping for a wedding dress] I said, "no white, no ivory, no nothing that says 'virgin.'" I have a child. The jig is up.

Miranda:
[to shop assistant] No, I told you, no white, no ivory, nothing that says virginal. I have a child. The jig is up.

Carrie:
[offscreen] The only thing harder than choosing a spot for your wedding when you hate weddings is choosing a wedding gift for your friend who hates weddings.

Charlotte:
What about a guest book?

Carrie:
There's gonna be like eight of us there. There's no one to keep track of. I can't believe Miranda is getting married.

Charlotte:
[holds up heart shaped dish] This is pretty!

Samantha:
Oh, she'll hate that. Too domestic.

Carrie:
And too bridey.

Samantha:
Yeah, let's try not to piss her off.

Charlotte:
Maybe we should just buy her a stapler, wrap it in brown paper and just smear some dog poo on it! Think she'd be comfortable with that?

Carrie:
Fine. We'll get the dish.

Samantha:
What's French for "ick"?

Miranda:
Eeck.

Charlotte:
Samantha, you look so pretty today!

Samantha:
Thanks. I have cancer.

Carrie Bradshaw:
I have a huge favor to ask: I want you to know my friends better.

Mr. Big:
I know your friends just fine. Charlotte is the brunette, Miranda is the redhead, and Samantha is trouble.

[Carrie explains to Miranda she blew off their dinner date for dinner with Big]

Carrie Bradshaw:
Well, he got this veal...

Miranda Hobbes:
You blew me off for a piece of politically incorrect meat?

Miranda Hobbes:
I can't have dinner with you. I don't even know you.

Steve Brady:
You slept with me!

Miranda Hobbes:
It's a different thing!

Carrie:
I've done the merry go round I've been through the revolving door I feel like I met somebody I can stand still with for a minute and... don't you wanna stand still with me?

Big:
You dragged me out to a park at three in the morning to ask me if I wanna stand still with you?

Carrie:
...Yes.

[first lines]

Carrie:
[voice over narration] The Island Of Manhattan is a cosy village populated by more than seven million fascinating individuals who all behave like they own the sidewalk. But lately it seemed as if the entire city had been magically reduced to only two people... us. Four-hour conversations flew by in the space of fifteen minutes, and a few days apart felt like weeks. I realised that Einstein's law of relativity would have to be amended to include a special set of rules, those to explain the peculiar effects of infatuation.

Carrie:
[on the phone] I can't believe it's been so long. I've been meaning to call you, I've just been...

Miranda Hobbes:
F***ing your brains out?

Carrie:
Yeah, well, that's the least of it.

Carrie:
[voice over narration] As I hung up, I realized I'd committed the cardinal sin... I'd forsaken my girlfriends for my new boyfriend. That night I faced the tribunal.

Carrie:
[voice over narration] Last night, after Michael took Charlotte to the Philharmonic, they went back to his place and began the classic dating ritual... the blow job tug of war.

[Talking about oral sex]

Charlotte York:
The truth is, I hate doing it.

Samantha Jones:
Honey, you can't be serious!

Miranda Hobbes:
Are you telling us you never perform this act?

Carrie:
She'll juggle, she'll spin plates, but she won't give head.

Charlotte York:
I don't like putting it in my mouth! I have a very sensitive gag reflex and it makes me want to puke!

Miranda Hobbes:
That's one way to say no.

Charlotte York:
It's not like I haven't tried. I practiced on a banana, I pretended it was a Popsicle, but... I just don't like it.

Miranda Hobbes:
Personally, I'm loving it, up to the point where the guy wants me to swallow.

Carrie:
Well that's just, that's really a judgment call.

Samantha Jones:
Some men just take it so personally if you don't.

Miranda Hobbes:
Some guys don't give you a choice!

Carrie:
Well that's just bad behavior.

Charlotte York:
Are you honestly telling me you like it?

Carrie:
Well, it's not my favorite thing on the menu, but you know, I'll order it from time to time, and, with the right guy, it can be nice.

Miranda Hobbes:
Oral sex is like God's gift to women. - You can get off without worrying about getting pregnant.

Samantha Jones:
Plus the sense of power is such a turn-on, maybe you're on your knees, but you got him by the balls.

Charlotte York:
You see, that is the reason that I don't want to go down this road.

Carrie:
Well sweetheart, if you're gonna get all choked up about it... [Carrie and Miranda exchange looks about the pun] , just don't do it, don't do it!

Miranda Hobbes:
But if you don't go down on him, how can you expect him to go down on you?

Charlotte York:
I don't.

Miranda Hobbes:
Oh, well, forget it! I only give head to get head!

Samantha Jones:
Me, too.

Carrie:
[voice over narration] True, we had never discussed exclusivity. But while for me, the idea of seeing another man would be trying to fit another outfit into an already over-stuffed suitcase, Big was happily dating another woman like it was the most natural thing in the world. Is it that men have an innate aversion to monogamy, or is it more than that? I wondered. In a city like New York, with its infinite possibilities, has monogamy become to much to expect?

Random Woman:
Monogamy is fabulous. It gives you a deep and profound connection to another human being, and you don't have to shave your legs as much.

Carrie:
[voice over narration] Samantha didn't believe in monogamy, especially when it came to real estate agents.

Rick Connelly:
This is a pre-war six. Notice the classic lines. Very solidly built.

Carrie:
[voice over narration] Although Pamela had the hottest contacts in town, Rick did have a slight competitive edge. He gave Samantha the opportunity to combine her two greatest loves: sex and real estate. That afternoon I dragged my poor tortured soul out to lunch with Stanford Blatch, and attempted to stun it senseless with cosmopolitans.

Stanford Blatch:
Monogamy is on its way out again. It had a brief comeback in the nineties, but as the millennium approaches, everyone's leaving their options open.

Carrie:
Come on, you wouldn't commit to a nice guy, given the option?

Stanford Blatch:
I can't even commit to a long distance carrier.

Carrie:
Yeah, you know what you are? You're a whore!

Stanford Blatch:
I wish that were true.

Carrie:
[voice over narration] What was happening to me? I used to get a secret rush on men who hit on me during their fifteen minutes of fame. In this case, it merely felt exhausting.

Carrie:
[aside to the camera] I was striving for noncommittal, but I was worried I had just bordered on shrill.

Carrie:
[voice over narration] There were so many questions I wanted him to answer, but would not ask. Not tonight at least. No, tonight I would ask Miranda. [to Miranda] He said, "I miss you, baby." Do you think that was meant to be some kind of coded mea culpa?

Miranda Hobbes:
You mean like what he really meant was, "I've been a complete idiot. Please forgive me for having dinner with that other woman."?

Carrie:
Exactly.

Miranda Hobbes:
Could be.

Carrie:
Well no, because that would mean that everything he ever said that I interpreted as sincere is subject to interpretation, and in that case, what I perceive as his feelings for me may only really be reflected projections of my feelings for him.

Miranda Hobbes:
What?

Carrie:
Oh God, I'm freaking. I've gotta stop. Stop.

Alison Roth:
[to Skipper] You're breaking up with me while you're still inside of me?

Carrie:
[voice over narration] As Skipper rededicated his singular affection for Miranda, Charlotte was receiving her own declaration of monogamy.

Carrie:
[voice over narration] And while Charlotte embraced fidelity, and Samantha flaunted her infidelity... I felt myself caught somewhere in between.

Carrie:
[voice over narration] I felt like a fool. I had gone so far out on a limb with my feelings that I didn't realise I was standing out there alone. When life gets this confusing, sometimes there's only one thing to do, attend a fabulous party.

Carrie:
[voice over narration] In a room where everyone was gorgeous, cool, and under thirty, monogamy suddenly became to seem like a quaint notion.

Charlotte York:
[voice over narration] While Miranda misjudged the intensity of Skipper's feelings, Michael left Charlotte no doubt about his.

Carrie:
[voice over narration] Michael was upset, but Butterscotch seemed pleased. She was finally back in her monogamous relationship. Half past midnight. In a city that never sleeps, neither did the real estate market.

Carrie:
[voice over narration] Two a.m., and I already had a new man in my life.

Carrie:
[voice over narration] Forty five minutes later, I realised I was alone in a park at three a.m. And that it was time to call it a night.

Carrie:
[voice over narration] In a city of infinite options, sometimes there's no better feeling than knowing you only have one.

Jared:
The best part about being a published author, besides the universal validation, is the knowledge that I am pumping my ideas into the mainstream.

Carrie:
I thought it was that you could behave like an utter ass hole and people would find it amusing.

Jared:
I love you, you know that? I'm like, f***ing in love with you. [Carrie laughs] Will you go home with me?

Charlotte:
Doesn't that waiter look familiar?

Samantha:
I f***ed him.

Carrie:
Oh. *That* guy.

Miranda Hobbes:
The only person who should have to pay for your last relationship is the person in your next relationship.

[baby Brady starts chewing on the Trojans in the diaper bag; all but Samantha are horrified]

Samantha:
Oh, honey, relax. I have those in my mouth all the time.

Charlotte:
Is it safe to buy pot from strangers?

Miranda:
They're not strangers, they're our new friends with pot.

Samantha Jones:
[reading the post-it from Berger] "I'm sorry, I can't, don't hate me." Motherf***er's concise.

Carrie:
Ooh, hear that? It's midnight, the official end to what will now be known as the day I got arrested for smokin' a doobie.

[giggling uncontrollably]

Carrie:
I said "doobie".

Miranda:
I once was broken up with by a guy's doorman: "I'm sorry, Ms. Hobbes, Jonathan won't be coming down. Ever."

Carrie:
Oh, oh. Do you smell that?

Samantha Jones:
Pot!

Carrie:
Let's get high.

Charlotte:
Where are going to get any?

Samantha Jones:
Well, I'd call my dealer, but he's at the Cape.

Samantha:
Money is power, sex is power, therefore, getting money for sex is simply an exchange of power.

Carrie:
Once again, Samantha managed to up-sex me.

[first lines]

Carrie:
[narrating voice over] The most powerful woman in New York is not Tina Brown, or Diane Sawyer, or even Rosie O'Donnell. It's the hostess at Balzac, which had overnight become the only restaurant that mattered. And we were there to celebrate the moment.

Samantha:
[to Carrie] Do you realize if she were a man, not only would we be eating right now, but they'd be sending over free drinks?

Amalita Amalfi:
[to Carrie, about Carlo] His family has this gigantic ranch in Argentina. Very, very wealthy. He has a tiny little penis, but he knows exactly how to use it. Wave, darling, wave. Ciao, ciao, ciao.

Carrie:
[narrating voice over] I couldn't understand a word she was saying, but I felt I had in my possession all the Italian I'd ever need to know. Dolce, Dolce, Dolce. While at home, all the English I seemed to encounter was bills, bills, bills. I envied Amalita. Her life was a blur of rich men, designer clothes and glamorous resorts. She didn't actually work for a living, yet possessed a dazzling sexual power that she exploited to her full advantage, which presented a certain conundrum. [to the camera] Where's the line between professional girlfriend and just plain professional?

Samantha:
Women have the right to use every means at their disposal to achieve power.

Miranda Hobbes:
Short of sleeping their way to the top

Samantha:
Not if that's what it takes to compete.

Charlotte York:
But that's exploitation!

Samantha:
Of men, - which is perfectly legal.

Carrie:
[voice over narration] Saturday night, in an effort to save money, and maybe even pick up a few extra bucks, I invited the girls over for poker.

Charlotte York:
I'll buy two.

Carrie:
I'm in for three. So, you advocate a double standard. Women can use their sexuality to get ahead whenever possible, but men should not be allowed to take advantage of it?

Samantha:
No, I'm just saying that men and women are equal-opportunity exploiters.

Miranda Hobbes:
[to Charlotte who is talking about a famous painter who might ask her to hold his brush] If he so much as suggests what she's suggesting, you give me a call and we'll sue the hell out of him. That's the only proper way to trade sex for power.

Samantha:
I can't believe what I'm hearing. You're like the Harvard Law Lorena Bobbitt. [Door bell rings]

Miranda Hobbes:
Ah, it's Skipper, I told him I was here and he insisted on picking me up. But he's not supposed to be here 'till eleven!

Carrie:
Oh! He's like a sweet little seal pup.

Miranda Hobbes:
That you sometimes want to club.

[after Gilles has slept with Carrie, he leaves her a note and a thousand dollars]

Miranda Hobbes:
[reading the note] "Thanks for the beautiful day." Must've been a hell of a beautiful day.

Carrie:
Well, it was. We had such a fantastic connection, then he leaves me money. I don't understand. What exactly about me screams "whore"?

Miranda Hobbes:
Besides the thousand dollars on the end table?

Samantha:
I just can't believe you had dinner at Balzac. Wait a minute, I thought I ordered two eggs Benedict and one spinach omelette.

Miranda Hobbes:
It's all right. I'll take the omelette.

Carrie:
You know what you guys, this isn't right. We're gonna pay for all this ourselves, all right?

Samantha:
He said order anything.

Miranda Hobbes:
The room service is one thing, but the money... - uh-uh.

Samantha:
What are you getting so uptight about? I mean, money is power. Sex is power. Therefore, getting money for sex is simply an exchange of power.

Miranda Hobbes:
Don't listen to the dime store Camille Paglia.

Carrie:
I don't know whether to take it as an incredible compliment or as an incredible insult?

Samantha:
Just take it, period.

Carrie:
Well, I wouldn't know how to return it anyway because the one thing he didn't leave me was his phone number.

Miranda Hobbes:
He paid in full, what more is there to talk about? Who is this Amalita Amalfi character anyway? I'm concerned you've been drafted into a ring of high-class hookers.

Carrie:
She isn't a hooker. She's like an international party girl.

Miranda Hobbes:
She's a hooker with a passport.

Gertrude Morgan:
[to Charlotte] I'm sure you have a beautiful c*nt, dear.

[last lines]

Carrie:
[narrating voice over] They say a picture is worth a thousand words... But in this case... I was speechless.

Carrie:
You're Heidi Klum!

Stanford:
[watching a runway-fallen Carrie get stepped over by Heidi Klum] Oh, my god, she's fashion roadkill!

Carrie:
I have a style and jeweled panties aren't it.

Stanford:
[eyeing an attractive man at a club] Do you think he's a model?

Carrie:
A model what? A model citizen? A model home? A model airplane?

Stanford:
I think he's the dirty-haired Gucci guy - with clean hair.

Carrie:
Why don't you go over and say hello?

Stanford:
Oh, he's gorgeous. The only way I could get a guy like that interested in me, would be to pay him.

Carrie:
Stanford, my love, there is no need for you to enter Hookerville.

Stanford:
[dejected] Carrie - I *know* what I look like.

Carrie:
Then you can't see what I see. [kisses his cheek]

Carrie:
Dolce and Gabanna picked me?

Fashion show producer:
Yes, f***ette, and those are some picky Italians.

Carrie:
When I first moved to New York and I was totally broke, sometimes I would buy Vogue instead of dinner. I felt it fed me more.

Samantha:
Last night I could not stop thinking about a Big Mac. I finally had to get dressed, go out and pick up a guy.

Miranda:
Sexy is the thing I try to get them to see me as after I win them over with my personality.

Charlotte:
My vagina's depressed.

Miranda Hobbes:
You haven't met the *Rabbit*.

Samantha Jones:
Oh, come on. If you're going to get a vibrator, at least get one called the Horse.

Shrink:
[Miranda is having dreams about having not been selected for a hypothetical threesome by any of the other girls] So you're saying you are sexually attracted to your girlfriends?

Miranda:
No, but if your friends won't f*** you, who will?

Barbara, Mr. Big's Ex-Wife:
I didn't know you were into children's books.

Carrie:
Well, who doesn't love children's books?

Carrie:
[in her head] Five minutes of bodice-ripping material out the window. So, I did what any writer would do... I pulled an idea out of my ass.

Carrie:
Well, my story's about a little girl... named Cathy. Little Cathy.

Barbara, Mr. Big's Ex-Wife:
And what makes Little Cathy special?

Carrie:
Well, um, she has these magic...

[looks at cigarettes in her purse]

Carrie:
...cigarettes.

Barbara, Mr. Big's Ex-Wife:
She has magic cigarettes?

Carrie:
Yes, "Little Cathy and Her Magic Cigarettes". And whenever she lights up, she can go anywhere in the whole wide world. Like Arabia or New Jersey! Of course that's going to be worked out.

Barbara, Mr. Big's Ex-Wife:
You want to write a children's book about smoking?

Carrie:
Yes, it's a children's book for adults.

[first lines]

Carrie:
[voice over narration] Once upon a time in a magical land called Manhattan a young woman fell in love. Charlotte and Jack locked eyes at a black tie benefit for Epstein/Barr. She chased him through every disease in New York. They've been officially dating since retinus pigmentosis. Jack was perfect for her. Architect, philanthropist, and the sex was amazing. Late one night, Jack popped the inevitable question.

Jack:
So... what are you fantasies?

Charlotte York:
Oh, God. I'd love to own my own gallery, and maybe a little cottage in Maine.

Jack:
Well, actually I meant more like uh, screwing in an airplane bathroom kind of fantasies.

Charlotte York:
Oh? Um...

Carrie:
[voice over narration] The closest Charlotte had ever come to getting screwed on a plane was the time she lost all her luggage in a flight from Palm Beach.

Charlotte York:
[When asked about her fantasies] Well, I've always wanted to do it in my parents' bed.

Charlotte York:
Jack wants us to do a threesome.

Miranda:
Of course he does. Every guy does.

Samantha Jones:
Threesomes are huge right now. They're the blow job of the nineties.

Charlotte York:
What was the blow job of the eighties?

Samantha Jones:
Anal sex.

Carrie:
Any sex, period.

Miranda:
Don't let him pressure you into it. It's just this guy's cheap ploy to watch you be a lesbian for a night.

Samantha Jones:
Don't knock it till you tried it.

Carrie:
Well, I've never done a threesome.

Samantha Jones:
Come on, of course you haven't. You in a threesome? You won't even wear a thong!

Samantha Jones:
[Discussing whom to call into the threesome] Just make sure that the other woman isn't a friend. Use somebody random, you know, somebody you meet in a bar or something.

Miranda:
That's romantic!

Charlotte York:
No, I think that I'd feel safer with a friend. With someone I could trust, like Carrie.

Carrie:
Oh, gee, I'm flattered. But umm, I'd go with someone who has a little more experience, like Sam.

Samantha Jones:
Well, thanks. But there is something sexy about a first-timer like Charlotte.

Charlotte York:
Really?

Miranda:
[feeling out of the loop] Oh great, no, forget about me.

Samantha Jones, Charlotte York, Carrie:
Oh, come on!

Miranda:
You know, I'd do it with you guys. It's like, it's like picking teams for dodge ball all over again.

Carrie:
[voice over narration] Was Samantha right? Were threesomes the new sexual frontier? No question. Guys were infatuated with threesomes. And when I started looking, they were everywhere. After all, our lives are built on threesomes. Fat, low-fat, non-fat. First, Business, Economy. Moe, Larry, Curly. Maybe we were never meant to do it with only one other person. Maybe threesomes were the relationship of the future. Meanwhile, Samantha had been busy guest starring in a show I like to call 'Sam Does The Married Guy'.

Carrie:
[voice over narration] Ken was thirty seven, a wine importer, unhappily married to a woman who designed modular office furniture. This affair was the most exciting thing that happened to him since the ninety-four Montrachet. Five, hours later, Charlotte's night was just beginning. She and Jack had just had another fantastic date, dancing for dyslexia.

Carrie:
[voice over narration] Who knows whether it was her vodka or her vibe, but Charlotte suddenly did feel a little warm.

Carrie:
[voice over narration] That night, she had an eye-opening experience. Charlotte hadn't been that excited since she tried on her JV cheerleading uniform for the first time.

Shrink:
So what do you think your dream meant?

Miranda:
I'm in a sandbox with Charlotte, Sam, and Carrie, and none of them will play with me. Please, it's obvious.

Carrie:
[voice over narration] Across town, Miranda was dealing with her own nightmare.

Miranda:
Look, I know it's juvenile, but it bothers me. I'm attractive, I'm smart, right? Plenty of people should want me for a threesome.

Carrie:
Dreams are a really good way to experiment. It's like a... it's like buying a dress and keeping the tags on.

Charlotte York:
Do you think it means I should do it? Have a threesome? Jack says that I have a fire inside me.

Carrie:
You tell him they make a cream for that.

Charlotte York:
I'm serious!

Carrie:
I know, but it's your call. Don't do it just to make Jack happy.

Charlotte York:
But maybe it would bring us closer.

Carrie:
Sweetie, don't you think it's weird that you're thinking of sleeping with someone you don't know, to get closer to Jack?

Charlotte York:
But how well do we ever know the people we sleep with?

Carrie:
[voice over narration] That was the thing about Charlotte. Just when you were about to write her off as a Park Avenue Pollyanna, she'd say something so right on, you'd think she was the Dalai Lama.

Charlotte York:
Do you think my hair is too shiny today?

Carrie:
[voice over narration] And then she'd say something else.

Charlotte York:
Do you?

Carrie:
[voice over narration] But the bigger question remained: if Charlotte was actually considering a threesome, who wasn't? The Village Voice had more ads for looking for threesomes than it did for small rat-infested studios renting at a thousand a month. But who actually answered these ads?

Carrie:
[voice over narration] I seemed to be the only person in New York who still believed in the one-on-one relationship. Mr. Big and I were actually doing sleep-overs.

Carrie:
[voice over narration] Why is it that putting a tie around a man's neck is sometimes even sexier than taking it off?

Mr. Big:
What are you doing for lunch today? I could maybe swing an hour between meetings.

Carrie:
No, sorry. I can't. I have to interview someone.

Mr. Big:
About what?

Carrie:
Threesomes. Ever done one?

Mr. Big:
Sure. Who hasn't?

Carrie:
Really? With who?

Mr. Big:
My ex-wife.

Carrie:
[voice over narration] Suddenly my column was the last thing on my mind.

Samantha Jones:
This is ideal No muss, no fuss.

Carrie:
Sounds like you're selling toilet bowl cleaner.

Miranda:
Does this color turn you on?

Samantha Jones:
[voice over narration] You had to hand it to Miranda. She was determined.

Carrie:
[voice over narration] It was the last straw, she was smart, beautiful, and she got me. I'd have to kill her. Meanwhile, Samantha was about to have her own close encounter with the third kind.

Carrie:
[voice over narration] That afternoon was a first for Samantha. She successfully screwed a guy in under two minutes. The more Miranda analysed, the worse her nightmares got.

Miranda:
So the four of us get in a cab, only they won't let me sit in the back with them. They make me ride up front with the drive who happens to be the original Chris from 'The Partridge Family'.

Carrie:
[voice over narration] That night, I thought I could put the whole Barbara thing out of my mind. After all, Mr. Big was with me now.

Barbara, Mr. Big's Ex-Wife:
Nibbling his ear lobes? How sweet. Let me show you how it's really done.

Carrie:
[voice over narration] So I guess you couldn't avoid a threesome. Because even if you're the only person in the bed, someone has always been there before you.

Mr. Big:
Hey, what just happened? Where'd you go?

Carrie:
Preoccupied.

Mr. Big:
No kidding. About what?

Carrie:
[voice over narration] Your ex-wife's breasts, your ex-wife's lips, your ex-wife's long legs. [Spoken]... My column.

Mr. Big:
You know, I didn't tell you I was married because it was a long time ago.

Carrie:
What happened?

Mr. Big:
Alienation of affection, followed by divorce. Let's not talk about the past, please.

Carrie:
[voice over narration] What Mr. Big didn't realise was the past was sleeping right next to me. The next day the flesh and blood Barbara asked me to lunch.

Barbara, Mr. Big's Ex-Wife:
Listen I have some not great news.

Carrie:
[voice over narration] I'm back with Mr. Big!

Barbara, Mr. Big's Ex-Wife:
The head guys didn't go for Little Cathy. But f*** 'em, they wouldn't know a good book if it bit 'em in the ass.

Carrie:
Yeah, f*** 'em.

Barbara, Mr. Big's Ex-Wife:
I still love the project, and at the risk of sounding like a groupie, I'd really like it if we could become friends.

Carrie:
Friends? [voice over narration] Two hours and four chardoney's later, I was sleeping with the enemy.

Carrie:
[voice over narration] That night at the attention deficit disorder masquerade ball, Charlotte felt free to indulge her fantasy. It's amazing what some sequins on a stick can do to free up inhibitions.

Jack:
So... who here is your type?

Charlotte York:
Do you like peacocks?

Jack:
Do you?

Carrie:
[voice over narration] Then Charlotte did the unthinkable.

Carrie:
[voice over narration] She realised that this was her moment. If she was going to take the plunge, it was now or never. Unfortunately it was Jack who plunged first. Apparently someone else's fire was a little stronger than Charlotte's. She was not the guest star in this fantasy. Meanwhile, at a bar downtown...

Carrie:
[voice over narration] That night Miranda finally got her validation. Her shrink has suggested she comes three times a week. I didn't see Mr. Big for eight days.

Carrie Bradshaw:
Aidan, you can't keep punishing me, and I can't keep punishing me. I made a mistake and I am sorry, and I know that you can't forget what happened, but I hope that you can forgive me. You have to forgive me. You have to forgive me. You have to forgive me, Aidan. You have to forgive me. You have to forgive me.

Samantha Jones:
No smoking in bars? What's next, no f***ing in bars?

Miranda Hobbes:
Well, first there would have to be a no-f***ing section.

Harry Goldenblatt:
[talking about his mother's insistence that he marry a Jewish woman] Keeping tradition alive is very important to her. She lost family in the Holocaust.

Charlotte York:
[makes a face]

Harry Goldenblatt:
What?

Charlotte York:
Well, now I can't say anything because you've brought up... the Holocaust.

Carrie Bradshaw:
I like my money where I can see it - hanging in my closet.

Carrie:
And then I realised something, twenty-something girls are just fabulous, until you see one with the man who broke your heart.

Carrie:
[dedicating her book] To single women everywhere, and one in particular... my good friend Charlotte, the eternal optimist, who always believes in love.

Miranda:
Baptism is a very odd tradition. It's all about cleansing this little baby of its sins, when clearly babies come into the world with a clean slate and we're the ones who f*** 'em up.

Carrie:
So you're a pessimist, right?

Miranda:
Have we met?

Carrie:
[while trolling for men with Charlotte] You have slept with eight men and we're still on appetizers.

Miranda Hobbes:
If he goes up your butt, will he respect you more or respect you less? That's the issue.

Taxi Driver:
[to Carrie] No smoking in the cab.

Carrie:
Sir, we're talking up the butt. A cigarette is in order.

Samantha Jones:
Front, back, who cares? A hole is a hole.

Miranda Hobbes:
Can I quote you?

Samantha Jones:
Don't be so judgmental. You could use a little back door.

Charlotte:
I'm not a hole.

Carrie:
Honey, we know.

[first lines]

Carrie:
[narrating voice over] Once upon a time... in a kingdom faraway, a certain man and a slightly less certain woman kept bumping into one other. They seemed to meet everywhere. On street corners. At parties. It was almost as if they were dating accidentally. And then, after another chance meeting, at a wealthy lawyer's new son's rbis, they decided to pick a time to bump into each other on purpose.

Carrie:
Alright, so officially he's late.

Charlotte:
Who?

Miranda Hobbes:
Mr. Big, who else?

Charlotte:
Carrie, that's great! Is it a date?

Carrie:
No, he called it a "thing". He said, meet me... meet me for a drink "thing". He never used the "D" word.

Charlotte:
Well, "thing" is good. I mean, "thing" comes before date.

Miranda Hobbes:
Where did Skipper go?

Charlotte:
I don't know how you can date that younger guy? I mean, they're so scattered and unfocused.

Miranda Hobbes:
We're not dating, it's a f*** thing.

[listens to a message from Big on her answering machine]

Carrie:
Oh, something came up. He's not gonna meet me. Here, will you listen to this and tell me if you can figure out whether he's not meeting me as a date, or not meeting me as a friend?

[Miranda takes the phone]

Miranda Hobbes:
Alright.

Carrie:
[narrating voiceover] Sometimes, you need a second opinion; with doctors, real estate... men! [to Miranda] Well?

Miranda Hobbes:
I have no idea. And I finished first in my litigation class.

Skipper Johnston:
They stopped making Martinis, so I got us two rum and Cokes. Is that okay?

Miranda Hobbes:
Well, I hate rum, and I hate Coke, but, thanks.

Mr. Big:
I've been looking all over for you - here you are, holding a tongue.

Carrie:
Well, your message said you weren't coming.

Mr. Big:
I thought I said I'd try to make it for an hour.

Carrie:
Well, yeah, but then you said that...

Mr. Big:
What? What did I say?

Carrie:
Never mind, never mind. You're here, you have an hour. Let's have a drink.

Mr. Big:
Well, I was outside trying to get in for thirty minutes, and inside looking for you for twenty minutes, so that leaves me with just enough time to tell you that, I'm out of time. You have fun.

Carrie:
[narrating voice over] Men in their forties are like The New York Times Sunday crossword puzzle. Tricky, complicated, and you're never really sure you've got the right answer.

Samantha Jones:
[on the phone] I am so f***ed.

Carrie:
What's wrong?

Samantha Jones:
No, I mean, literally. I have been f***ed every way you can be f***ed.

Carrie:
If you keep talking like that, I'm gonna have to charge you by the minute. [goes to a voiceover] As I searched for my morning Marlboro Light, Samantha proceed to give me a rundown of her night with Jon - no "H", no inhibitions. [voiceover ends]

Samantha Jones:
We did with him on top. Me on top. Me on my side.

Carrie:
Him on his side?

Samantha Jones:
Oh, God, yes. On his back, on his side, on his face. Have you ever done that?

Carrie:
It's too early to remember.

Samantha Jones:
Well, do it immediately. It is fabulous. These guys in their twenties, they are up for anything. How did it go with uh, you and Sam?

Carrie:
We kissed.

Samantha Jones:
Just kissed?

Carrie:
No. We just kissed for five hours, - at the club, in front of the club, on the corner of the club. I forgot how much fun it is to just kiss, you know, even if I did only get two hours of sleep.

Samantha Jones:
I didn't sleep at all.

Carrie:
[narrating voiceover] As Samantha went on about her sexual escapades, I glanced down at my arm. There it was in Bic blue. Twenty-something Sam's phone number. I had this sudden urge to call but I'd just left him. Hell, my lips were still swollen. Why this sudden craving? Are men in their twenties the new designer drug? Yes, Samantha, Miranda and I were all recreational users, but were we getting into something w couldn't handle? Okay, we were attracted to younger men for various reasons. But I couldn't help but wonder, what do they see in us?

Carrie:
Shouldn't we be dating men our own age?

Miranda Hobbes:
Good luck finding one. There are no available men in their thirties in New York. Giuliani had them removed along with the homeless.

Carrie:
So, then what's really going on here? I mean, is it younger, younger men feel safer?

Miranda Hobbes:
What's really going on here is sex. Good old-fashioned, eager to please, do what I tell you to, Eagle Scout sex.

Carrie:
Yeah, but I'm not having sex. It's a kissing thing.

Miranda Hobbes:
So, what's the big deal? It's just a fling. It's not like we're throwing out our schedules or anything.

Salesman:
[to Carrie and Twenty-Something Sam, who were making out in a Banana Republic dressing room] Please. This isn't The Gap

[Charlotte is trying to decide whether to have anal sex with a man she's dating]

Miranda Hobbes:
It all depends . How much do you like him?

Charlotte:
A lot.

Miranda Hobbes:
"Dating a few months until somebody better comes along a lot", or "marrying him and moving to the East Hampton" a lot?

Charlotte:
I don't know. I'm not sure.

Miranda Hobbes:
Well, you better get sure real quick.

Charlotte:
You're scaring me.

Carrie:
Don't scare her.

Miranda Hobbes:
It's all about control. If he goes up there, there's gonna be a shift in power. Either he'll have the upper hand or you will. Now there's a certain camp that believes whoever holds the dick, holds the power, but... [Cab Driver turns around] Hello! You're driving! The question is...

Samantha Jones:
[to Charlotte] Look, all I'm saying is this is a physical expression, that the body, well, it was designed to experience. And P.S., it's fabulous.

Carrie:
Well, I can't believe it. Same time, same place. Just you and me.

Mr. Big:
Well, sort of. Meet my friend, Jack.

Carrie:
Oh, hi, how are you?

Mr. Marvelous:
Marvelous. Going through my second divorce. The b*tch is getting everything the first b*tch didn't.

Mr. Big:
Are you sure?

Carrie:
Abso-f***ing-lutely!

Carrie:
[voice over narration] Meanwhile, uptown, Charlotte wondered when relationships had gotten so complicated. She yearned for the time when dinner was followed by dessert, not lubricant.

Charlotte:
I can't, Brian. I want to, but I can't. I mean, actually no, that's not true. I don't want to. Or maybe I do. I don't know what I want. But I'm afraid if I don't, you'll dump me. And if I do, then I'll be the up-the-butt girl. And I don't want to be the up-the-butt girl, because I mean... Men don't marry up-the-butt girl. Whoever heard of Mrs. Up-The-Butt? No, no, no. I can't. I want children and nice bedding, and I just can't handle this right now.

Carrie:
[voice over narration] I decided, the only way to break free was to move from one addiction, to an even bigger one... shoes. A couple of blocks and way too much money later, I realized I had just entered an interesting chapter in my life. I had out-grown the boys of my past, and not quite grown into the men of my future.

[last lines]

Carrie:
[voice over narration] As I walked away I had a thought, maybe all men are a drug. Sometimes they bring you down, and sometimes, like now, they get you so high. Damn! It would have been so cool if I hadn't looked back.

Samantha:
[on the subject of Charlotte's boyfriend who fell asleep during sex] Of course it's her fault and I can't say I'm surprised. Have you seen her on a stairmaster? Nothing happening below the waist.

Miranda Hobbes:
[dissatisfied with her new bedsheets] Does everything I bring into this room have to have a flaw?

Carrie Bradshaw:
Ha ha.

Natasha:
[to Carrie about her marriage to Big] Yes, I'm sorry about it all. I'm sorry that he moved to Paris and fell in love with me. I'm sorry we ever got married. I'm sorry he cheated on me with you, and I'm sorry that I pretended to ignore it for as long as I did. I'm sorry I found you in my apartment, fell down the stairs, and broke my tooth. I'm very sorry that after much painful dental surgery, this tooth is still a different color than this tooth. Finally, I'm very sorry that you felt the need to come down here. Now not only have you ruined my marriage, you've ruined my lunch.

Miranda Hobbes:
Are you alright? I can't believe he took your shoes.

Carrie:
I know! I probably got trichinosis.

Miranda Hobbes:
You only get that from pork.

Carrie:
Oh, well I'm sure I stepped on a piece of it somewhere.

[mocking Samantha's announcement that she is now a lesbian]

Miranda Hobbes:
Oh, I forgot to tell you - I'm a fire hydrant!

Miranda:
I know you're probably busy having mind-blowing sex, but I feel you need to know that your good friend, Miranda Hobbes, has just taken a piece of cake out of the garbage and eaten it. You'll probably need this information when you check me into the "Betty Crocker Clinic."

Charlotte:
Trey, I am tired of being married to your penis.

Charlotte:
I don't think she's a lesbian. I think she just ran out of men.

Carrie:
How does that work? You go to bed one night, wake up the next morning, and poof - you're a lesbian?

[upon seeing a firefighter stripper]

Samantha:
Hello, 911. I'm on fire.

Charlotte:
You have Steve.

Miranda:
I don't "have" Steve. There is no having of the Steve. We're friends.

Samantha:
No, *we're* friends, but I don't put my dick in you.

Charlotte:
[with a hangover] My hair hurts.

Charlotte:
I've been dating since I was fifteen. I'm exhausted. Where is he?

Miranda:
Who? The White Knight?