Stagecoach West

[first lines]

Tom:
Hey, they say you're Pierce Martin. Is that right?

Pierce Martin:
Yes, that's right. My name's Martin.

Tom:
They say you're a fast man with a gun. Is that right?

[Martin ignores Tom]

Tom:
Hey, Mister. When I ask a question, I want an answer. Are you a fast man with a gun.

Pierce Martin:
No.

Tom:
That's funny I heard you were. Maybe you're just yellow, huh?

[shaking his head, Martin picks up his whiskey and moves to another table, but Tom follows him and knocks over the bottle]

Tom:
Gee, I'm sorry. I spilled your drink.

[disgusted, Martin throws money on the table and starts to leave, but Tom blocks his way]

Tom:
What does it take to make you draw?

Pierce Martin:
I don't want to draw.

Tom:
Well, you're gonna... because I'm gonna.

Pierce Martin:
Don't do it. Please.

Tom:
Now, I'm going to count to three, Martin and on three, I'm pullin'.

Pierce Martin:
Somebody stop him, please!

Tom:
One... two... three!

[Tom starts to draw, but Martin still shoots first and kills him]

Pierce Martin:
Why didn't you stop him?

Simon Kane:
Anything I can do for ya?

Pierce Martin:
Now why would you want to do anything for *me*.

Simon Kane:
Oh, no reason. I can see you been travelin'. Thought you might to fill your canteen... might want to feed your horse. That's all.

Pierce Martin:
Sorry. When a man rides with a bounty on his saddle for so long, you get out of the habit of trustin' people.

Simon Kane:
I can see that.

Pierce Martin:
No, Mister, you can't. Nooo.

Davey Kane:
They say you're as fast as Wyatt Earp. Are you?

Pierce Martin:
I don't know... I don't intend to find out.

Pierce Martin:
You think a gun is nice? It's not. It's filth... Killing is filth, too.

Davey Kane:
But you're a preacher...

Jim Hallett:
And you're wondering how a preacher can have a man like Pierce Martin for a friend, is that it? Sit down, David. David, do you remember that wolf cub that Luke found up on the trail and brought home?

Davey Kane:
Oh, you mean Buff.

Jim Hallett:
You raised Buff, didn't you and loved him? You didn't think of him as being a wolf. He was your dog. Then he started killing sheep and they had to shoot him. Did you stop loving him?

Davey Kane:
No.

Jim Hallett:
That's the way I feel about Pierce Martin.

Simon Kane:
During the war, I was pinned down in a swamp with a whole bunch of Johnny Rebs beatin' the bush for me. I don't mind tellin' you I was scared. As a matter of fact, I'd never been that scared before in my whole life. So maybe I don't think that much of puttin' another man through that much scarin' - even a man like Red Martin.

Jim Hallett:
The man who is in the most trouble needs the most help.

[Hallett leads the posse to Martin's favorite place]

Jim Hallett:
Why did you have to come back here, Pierce.

Pierce Martin:
Why I don't know.

Jim Hallett:
They found that other man you shot. Why did you have to kill him?

Pierce Martin:
I don't know that, either.

[last lines]

Jim Hallett:
I understand you've been doing some *talking* around town.

Simon Kane:
A word here and there - nothing more.

Jim Hallett:
Well, whatever it is, I want to thank you. You helped me get my church back again.

Simon Kane:
It's an even trade.

Jim Hallett:
An even trade?

Simon Kane:
Well, a man who's been through what you have and come out ahead, drawing on a far greater strength than his own, I never saw this in a man before I saw it in you. Let's say you've given me and a lot of the other people in this town a new look at God and let it go at that.

Joe Brandy:
Cover the saloon. If Manolo's around, he'll flush out pronto when he sees you.

Nacho:
Si.

Joe Brandy:
Remember - he's no good to us dead.

Nacho:
Unless we're paid, amigo, he's no good to us alive.

[referring to the shootout between Manolo and Brandy's bounty hunters]

Sadie Wren:
What was that all about?

McGonigle:
One way to live peaceful and grow old is don't ask questions.

[Longbridge, a whiskey drummer, is sampling his wares]

Aeneas Longbridge:
"Oh God, that men should put an enemy in their mouths to steal away their brains."

Sadie Wren:
You think that up all by yourself?

Aeneas Longbridge:
Ha! That's from 'Hamlet: Prince of Denmark'. I'm merely trying to prove it.

Major St. Clair:
You're mistaken, sir. It's from 'Othello: Soldier of Venice'.

Aeneas Longbridge:
My dear Major...

Major St. Clair:
Cassio's speech - Act 2, Scene 3, Line 291.

Aeneas Longbridge:
[sighs] I bow, sir, to your superior memory. Already it would seem the enemy has stolen away my mind.

[Brandy and his bounty hunters ride into Zeke's way station]

Joe Brandy:
Nice day.

Zeke Bonner:
It has been.

[the stagecoach waystation is surrounded by murderous bounty hunters]

Major St. Clair:
Isn't there anything we can do?

Luke Perry:
Yeah. We can wait.

Sadie Wren:
[to Manolo] You're no thief but, until you tell us what you are, you're worse than that. You're nothing!

[the stagecoach passengers vote on whether to fight the bounty hunters or turn Manolo over to them]

Luke Perry:
All right, it's up to you. Zeke?

Zeke Bonner:
I do hate bounty hunters.

Luke Perry:
Longbridge?

Aeneas Longbridge:
A long time ago, I ran away from a place called Fredericksburg. I guess I've been running ever since. You know, Mr. Perry, there's no satisfaction in it.

Luke Perry:
Sadie?

Sadie Wren:
Got a coin?

Luke Perry:
Mrs. St. Clair?

Lucinda St. Clair:
My husband decides for both of us.

Major St. Clair:
You know, we've overlooked one thing - even if we do give up Colonel Lalanda, there's no assurance these people will allow us to leave. Besides, I haven't been in a shooting fight since... Fredericksburg.

Luke Perry:
Davey? You're in this, too.

Davey Kane:
I better go get your coat, Mr. Lalanda. The nights get awful cold around here.

[discussing Stace's dog]

Stace:
Now take Mug back there. His tongue is hangin' out about a yard long. I can't understand that, either. It's the first time beer's ever given him a hangover.

Luke Perry:
I'd hate to have him after me - even with a hangover.

Stace:
He's very gentle, really. He'd eat right out of your hand.

Davey Kane:
I bet he'd eat right out of your leg, too!

[When Simon sees a man standing beside the road, he brings his stagecoach to a stop]

Frank Walker:
You shouldn't have stopped.

Simon Kane:
Out here when a man doesn't have a horse under him, he's likely to be lookin' for a ride when he can get one.

Frank Walker:
You don't even know who he is! Why, he could be a gunman, an outlaw or anything!

Simon Kane:
When you put it that way, Mister, I don't happen to know who you are, either.

Simon Kane:
Oh, I got a letter for you.

Zeke Bonner:
For me? I never get any mail... mainly because I don't know anybody who can write.

[Molly, a newly hired saloon girl, nearly chokes on a glass of whiskey]

Simon Kane:
Your, ah, first?

Molly Moriarty:
I'll soon be used to the stuff... and maybe liking it, too.

Simon Kane:
I wouldn't bet on it.

Molly Moriarty:
It runs in me family. You see, my father died a drunkard.

[the Cottons' buggy bogs down in the middle of a creek allowing Murdock to catch up to the women]

Sam Murdock:
Well, good afternoon.

Deborah Cotton:
I'm afraid I can't share your enthusiasm for it, sir.

Sam Murdock:
Oh. Well, all ashore that's going ashore, Mrs. Cotton.

Deborah Cotton:
My name happens to be Mrs. Mayberry - Hope Mayberry.

Abigail Cotton:
That's right, sir... and I'm her daughter, Faith.

Sam Murdock:
Sure, sure... and I'm Charity.

[Deborah has tied Sam to a tree]

Deborah Cotton:
I'm sure you won't mind if we borrow your horse. We'll leave him for you at the relay station.

Sam Murdock:
You're very thoughtful, Mrs. Cotton.

Deborah Cotton:
Mrs. Mayberry! Goodbye, Mr. Murdock.

Sam Murdock:
Oh, we'll meet again.

Deborah Cotton:
You are mistaken, sir.

Sam Murdock:
My friends call me "Sam".

Deborah Cotton:
Well, I'm sure they're *both* charming.

Flossie:
Say, is it possible to get a drink around here, handsome?

Relay Station Attendant:
Sure thing, ma'am. Right over here at the horse trough. Help yourself.

Deborah Cotton:
Pardon me, but would you be interested in earning five dollars.

Relay Station Attendant:
Well, it depends on who you want gunned down.

Sam Murdock:
Open this door!

Angie LaJoy:
But we're not decent! I-I mean, we're not dressed.

[Davey has helped the Cottons escape from a detective with a warrant for their arrest]

Simon Kane:
Madam, do you want to get this boy into serious trouble?

Deborah Cotton:
Of course not!

Davey Kane:
But Pop, you said yourself that a gentleman should always help a lady in distress.

Simon Kane:
This particular lady happens to be a fugitive from justice.

Deborah Cotton:
From injustice, Mr. Kane.

Simon Kane:
Do you know a rancher by the name of Adam Dean?

Dan Murchison:
Adam Dean? No, I can't help you.

Simon Kane:
Runs a big spread around Rock Springs.

Dan Murchison:
Well, I know every stockman between here and the Montana line. I still don't know any Adam Dean. Something wrong, Simon?

Simon Kane:
Yeah. Now all I have to do is find out what it is.

[Angie answers the knock on her hotel room door and sees Simon outside]

Angie LaJoy:
Well, I don't know what you're doing here, but I like to be lied to. Just tell me my fatal charm finally took effect!

Luke Perry:
Look at that - a hundred and ninety thousand dollars worth of gold.

J. J. Brewster:
Well, that's almost enough to have a good time on isn't it, Mr. Perry.

Luke Perry:
Yeah - enough to buy an awful lot of trouble with.

Luke Perry:
Digger Indians.

J. J. Brewster:
Maybe they attacked the trooper.

Luke Perry:
No, I don't think so. They'd have taken his supplies and his clothes. Besides, he was shot. A Digger's never been known to carry a gun in his life, much less know how to use it.

J. J. Brewster:
Then they're not dangerous.

Luke Perry:
I once knew a wild dog that wasn't dangerous until he got some friends.

Luke Perry:
Do you feel up to tellin' us what happened?

Julian Tibbs:
There's not much to tell.

J. J. Brewster:
Well, I'd say the combination of a fortune in gold and a bullet in ya contain certain elements of high advenutre.

[Brewster hears the sound of horses in the brush]

J. J. Brewster:
Is it Indians?

Luke Perry:
I don't know. Digger Indians haven't been known to ride a horse, but I gave up being surprised by anything when Moses parted the Red Sea.

Maria Larenz:
What about Mr. Brewster?

Captain Eli:
What about him? Want me to take the bullet back?

Maria Larenz:
The animals do not bury their dead. We can not just leave him on the ground.

Captain Eli:
Since he's gone to heaven, I'll never meet him to apologize.

Maria Larenz:
Well, for me I only understand simple things! I understand it is wrong to kill and to steal. I understand the animals you feed with are evil.

Julian Tibbs:
It's all a matter of which animals you feed with. If you're going to feed with lambs, you're going get clawed by the lion. In this world you gotta go out and get your own claws. You buy them with gold - lots of gold. You gotta get it by clawin' lambs.

[first lines]

Tom Osgood, Sr.:
You're leaving early, aren't you?

Simon Kane:
It's 4:30 by my watch.

Tom Osgood, Sr.:
Oh. I didn't know you had a watch.

Simon Kane:
Sorry to disappoint you.

[last lines]

[looking out at the vast empty plateau]

Luke Perry:
The High Lonesome.

Luke Perry:
You know what they say - the only thing more dangerous than a Comanche arrow is one of Cupid's.

Luke Perry:
What you got there, Zeke?

Zeke Bonner:
Real honest-to-goodness pearls. Hornswaggled them off of that drummer fellow you're carryin'. Say, Sime, what does "simulated" mean?

Simon Kane:
"Simulated" means don't leave those honest-to-goodness pearls too close to the stove or they'll melt like butter.

[first lines]

[ruffians pull down the statue of Justice from atop the town hall]

Reider:
They say, Reverend that it was rotten at the base.

Reverend Williams:
I'm glad it's down. It's been dead for a long time.

Reider:
Now if it were as simple to put a rope around this town, you and me and all of us in it, and do the same the air might be cleaner to breathe. If I were a minister, Reverend, I think I might preach an interesting sermon on Sunday.

Reverend Williams:
And what would you say?

Reider:
I don't know exactly. I think I'd tell a story... a parable, you'd call it. I'd preach a story about a town that had been presided over by a statue of justice that had become an object of mockery and derision. One day the people pulled it down and when they looked at it they saw it was rotten at the base... and the rain hadn't done it, nor the wind or the snow... it was the people themselves who destroyed it.

Reverend Williams:
For my part, Mr. Reider, I could say if I were a newspaper editor, and my paper were coming out tomorrow, I'd print that parable. I know you won't do it as well as you know I won't preach it because we're both afraid.

Ethan Blount:
I work for Henchard because I work for him. It's that simple.

Luke Perry:
Well, maybe to you it's simple, but not to me. A man who's done what you've done for a town, who thinks the way you do, who believes in things like you - he just doesn't suddenly throw that all away and go against his principles unless another man breaks him down.

Ethan Blount:
You're young, Luke. That's why you can see things so clear - but you're wrong. Something else can break a man down, stronger even than Henchard.

Luke Perry:
What else is there?

Ethan Blount:
Life, pain, loss, hurt... the slow, sick poison of existence.

[picking up a Ethan's Bible]

Luke Perry:
I didn't know you were a religious man, Ethan.

Ethan Blount:
Oh? I'm not a church-going man.

Luke Perry:
I didn't say chuch-going... I said religious.

Ethan Blount:
Well, I am religious but it's a pretty poor sort of religion.

Luke Perry:
Well, it doesn't look that way to me - not by the way this book is worn.

Ethan Blount:
All right, so I read my Bible.

Luke Perry:
You do more than read. You got this passage marked up and underlined. Tell me, Ethan, why did you underline this?

Ethan Blount:
What?

Luke Perry:
"Now is the judgment of this world. Now shall the prince of this world be cast out and I, if I be lifted up, will draw men under me."

Ethan Blount:
I don't know why I underlined it. Perhaps because I like it or because it held a meaning for me once. Whatever it was, I've forgotten.

Luke Perry:
Strange, you know for a minute it a meaning for me.

Ethan Blount:
What did it mean to you, Luke?

Luke Perry:
Well, I know this sound foolish. I'm no Bible student or anything, but...

Ethan Blount:
Go ahead.

Luke Perry:
I was just thinkin'. Sometimes maybe a man has to be lifted up before other men and suffer where they can see him and can't turn away until they know what good it and what evil is. Maybe unless one man is willing to be lifted up and go through all of this maybe other men will never understand.

Ethan Blount:
There's only one thing, Luke. The man you;re talking about was the Son of God. Only God has such strength.

Luke Perry:
At that time, he was a man, wasn't he?

[last lines]

[the townspeople of Riverton march down the street towards town hall with the statue of Justice]

Cord:
I wondered what you would do, Henchard, it the people stood up to you.

[Henchard pulls a pistol from his desk]

Cord:
Now I know. They're coming down the street.

[Cord grabs the gun away from Henchard]

Cord:
The time for guns is over... for both of us.

Toby Reese:
How much do you know about me?

Marshal Strickland:
I know about you, Mr. Reese, about as much as I care to know - and I'm beginning to care a little less every minute.

[referring to her previous life as a saloon girl]

Clara:
Mr. Kane, I know that as long as Leo's my husband, I'll never have to go back to that upstairs room again or live that kind of life.

Simon Kane:
The way he's acting, you might not have him long. He'll either be a killer or a corpse.

Simon Kane:
You can't put me in jail for something I haven't done!

Marshal Strickland:
In your case, I'll make an exception.

Simon Kane:
[to Calloway] You got a belly full of hate and brain full of maggots and you're holdin' the whole world responsible for your own bad smell!

Marshal Strickland:
Any news?

Simon Kane:
Well, Doc pulled the bullet out.

Clara:
Does that mean anything?

Simon Kane:
Means you're not much of a murderess, ma'am.

David Kane:
Well, you don't have to leave. You got no enemies in Timberline anymore.

Toby Reese:
Only one, Davey. I see him every time I look in the mirror.

[last lines]

David Kane:
You know, it's not fair, Pop. Mr. Reese did his wrongs a long time ago and he's still being punished.

Simon Kane:
Those were big wrongs, Davey - treason, desertion, cowardice in battle.

David Kane:
Yeah, but he's never been tried or convicted!

Simon Kane:
No need to be. The minute it happened he gave himself a life sentence.

[first lines]

[opening the train's safe]

Mail clerk:
It's all there, Fargo and the car door is open. All you gotta do now is make sure I'm taken care of.

Fargo:
You've known all along you'd be taken care of, Miltie. Is Eldridge back in the coach?

Lin Hyatt:
He's there.

Fargo:
You go take care of him... while I *take care* of Miltie.

Lin Hyatt:
Sure, Fargo.

Mail clerk:
I gotta hand it to you, Fargo. Everything's going just the way we planned.

Fargo:
Not the way we planned it, Miltie - the way *I* planned it.

[Fargo pulls out a gun from his pocket and points it at the mail clerk]

[Cole swigs the whiskey Annie has given him]

Cole Eldridge:
Well, I see the quality of your juice hasn't improved any.

Siwash Annie:
Who cares about the taste? It's got authority!

[Ruby finds Luke's U.S. Marshal badge and concludes he plans to arrest her fiance]

Cole Eldridge:
All right, go ahead. Shoot.

Ruby Walker:
If I had any sense I would.

Cole Eldridge:
Well, I'm just glad you're a lot more stupid than I think you are.

[Luke and Cole have been captured by a posse out for revenge]

Cole Eldridge:
Turn me over, Luke. I'm worth money to them; you're not worth a dime.

Luke Perry:
Neither one of us is worth much dead. Besides, I'm a U.S. Marshal.

Cole Eldridge:
You won't be after they tell their story.

Cole Eldridge:
I don't mind gettin' hung, but I'm sort of particular to the class of people who do the hangin'.

Simon Kane:
Remind me to talk to you sometime about the company you keep. What do they want?

Luke Perry:
After a man named Ben Waite. Seem to think I oughta know him. They won't take no for an answer. Sutter, you're a long way from home. You'd better go back before they have to carry you back.

Aaron Sutton:
Not till I find what I came seekin'.

Luke Perry:
I wonder if you know just what that is?

[Davey is smitten by the stagecoach's pretty teenage passenger]

Davey Kane:
Don't you think I should see to the passengers?

Simon Kane:
Horse first, passengers second. Company rule, remember? Besides, she isn't going anyplace.

[Davey spots Ben hiding in the hayloft brandishing a pitchfork]

Davey Kane:
Do you always sleep with a pitchfork in your hand?

Ben Wait:
Something like this keeps me from having bad dreams.

Davey Kane:
Sure isn't going to help my dreams any.

Davey Kane:
Who's Aaron Sutter?

Simon Kane:
The way I heard it, Sutter's got a piece of paper. Claims that proves Ben here's a criminal.

Station Master:
Piece of paper can accuse a man but only a court of law can prove anything against him.

Beaumont Butler Buell:
You know courage, Perry, is an admirable quality... up to a point. Past that it's insanity.

[tosses Luke a hatchet]

Beaumont Butler Buell:
I figure it's always good for a man to know he's earnin' his keep.

[Buell brandishes his pistol]

Beaumont Butler Buell:
And before you start talkin' yourself into throwin' that axe, remember I've got five arguments against that you haven't heard yet so start choppin'.

Luke Perry:
Captain Beaumont Butler Buell - he ranked right alongside of Stuart, Mosby, Fitzhugh Lee. Whatever happened to him?

Beaumont Butler Buell:
Captain Buell died at Gettysburg. I buried him myself.

Luke Perry:
I can understand that, but why?

Beaumont Butler Buell:
You saw what was left of Virginia - ashes, gravestones, crippled ex-soldiers pickin' rags. I was raised to breed horses and drink mint juleps... to be a professional gentleman. Me a rag picker? Not Beau Buell. I borrowed a horse from a carpetbagger and for some reason he objected. I shot him in self-defense but the posse didn't see it that way and I been ridin' ever since.

Luke Perry:
You only been ridin' part of the time, Captain, but you been runnin' all of the time - and not with gentlemen mint julep drinkers and horse breeders. You've been runnin' with a pack of wolves.

Luke Perry:
A man once told me officers shouldn't send other men to do a job he couldn't handle himself.

[last lines]

[Luke stares at Susan as she rides slowly out of town]

Cal:
My, it's a good thing Sime and David are not here.

Luke Perry:
Yeah? Why's that?

Cal:
How would I ever explain that dyin' cow face you've got?

[North and Ralston are looking for an Irish harmonica player]

Ralston:
I ran into a trailhand in the saloon. He said he saw the old man headin' west.

North:
West? That takes in a lot of territory.

[a woman hands Simon a passenger for the stagecoach - a baby in a basket]

Dan Murchison:
Remember we had a talk one time about always being ready for the unexpected?

Simon Kane:
Yeah, but I didn't know we were talkin' about women and babies.

Dan Murchison:
Women can be the most unexpected of all.

Davey Kane:
You know somethin', Luke...

Luke Perry:
Very little, but I'm always willin' to learn.

Davey Kane:
That Mrs. Burke sure is awful young to be married to an old man.

Luke Perry:
Well, that isn't the way I thought of it.

Davey Kane:
Well, how did you think of it?

Luke Perry:
Well, I thought he was awful old to be married to such a young woman.

Davey Kane:
Oh, well, I guess you're right. You usually... Hey! That's the same thing I said!

Luke Perry:
You think you could stay on a bareback horse as far as Halfway House?

Davey Kane:
Would you like to make a bet that I can't?

Luke Perry:
No, I don't think I will.

Davey Kane:
Aw, c'mon Luke, take a chance. You know how good I am at fallin' off horses.

Luke Perry:
Yeah, I know. I've seen you do it lots of times for free, but I don't trust you when there's cash involved.

Davey Kane:
Oh, I'm disappointed in you, Luke. I always thought that you were a plunger.

Luke Perry:
I'm am - on sure things.

[Simon is rolling dough for bread]

Davey Kane:
Oh, boy. If Luke could only see you now.

Simon Kane:
What are you doin' here?

Davey Kane:
We broke a wheel about a mile this side of Frenchman's Pass. Luke sent me on to get a new one.

Simon Kane:
Got any passengers?

Davey Kane:
Yeah - Mr. Craig and Mr. and Mrs. Burke. Luke wanted me to bring you back to help, but it seems a shame to take you away from your baking.

Simon Kane:
You get out to the barn and start hitchin' up that buckboard. I've been fightin' this batch of dough since before noon. I'm not about to let it whip me now.

Davey Kane:
Yes, ma'am!

Jack Craig:
You know, driver, you're a fool.

Luke Perry:
Well, that may be, but it's my priviledge.

[last lines]

Luke Perry:
Well, there is one matter, Sime.

Simon Kane:
What's that?

Luke Perry:
Mr. Murchison. He's going to take a dim view of us losing a stage and a buckboard in that fire.

Jethrow Burke:
Oh, I think I can fix that. You see, I still have the five thousand dollars.

Simon Kane:
The five thousand dollars? But Craig took that.

Jethrow Burke:
No, he took my money belt. Here's the money.

Luke Perry:
But the money belt?

Jethrow Burke:
Merely for protection, Mr. Perry. You see, I read you frontiersman kept your valuables in your money belts, so I kept my money in my pocket!

Big Jim:
Say, Clarke, when you were in the army, did you ever fire one of them Gatling guns?

Lt. Clarke:
Yes, as a matter of fact I did. It was quite an interesting experience. I was in command of a patrol sent out to discipline a band of troublesome Indians. We trailed them and finally trapped the lot of 'em in a box canyon. I remember there were several families of them - men, women, children - and I had the Gatling gun set up at the canyon entrance... and I operated it myself.

Jojo:
And what happened?

Lt. Clarke:
A Gatling gun is an excellent instrument of discipline.

Francisco Martinez:
In your country you have a weasel that kills for the joy of killing. Senor Clarke is a human weasel.

[reading a poster]

Fritz:
"Notice: Maximilian, Emperor of Mexico, has been executed and Juarez declared President of Mexico". Well, it looks like we're out of a job.

Lt. Clarke:
Fortunes of war. Well, it's a wise thing when you lose one job to start looking for another.

[reading sign over a miner's exchange]

Lt. Clarke:
Gold and silver deposits banked here.

Fritz:
Did I ever tell you I could open the combination of any safe or vault in less than two minutes time?

Lt. Clarke:
No, that's one of your talents that you failed to mention. Perhaps we'll be able to utilize it.

[referring to the beautiful Lilly de Milo]

Simon Kane:
Sure is something, isn't she?

Luke Perry:
Yeah, but I'm not sure just what.

Lilly de Milo:
Well, you've done it again. Another tank town!

Rexford Jasper:
Not tonight, Lilly, I'm in no mood for it.

Lilly de Milo:
Once, that's all, just once, I'd like to play in a town where they didn't look at me like I was the main course at a cannibal picnic.

Rexford Jasper:
When they stop looking, honey, you'd better quit.

Lilly de Milo:
And what's that supposed to mean?

Rexford Jasper:
I've heard you sing.

Simon Kane:
What's the name of the fellow who shot her?

Luke Perry:
Taylor Norman. They met him back at Denver. Jasper says he's nothing but a cheap gunman.

Simon Kane:
If he comes back here, it'll be expensive.

[Lilly is crying in self-pity]

Simon Kane:
Turn it off.

Lilly de Milo:
What?

Simon Kane:
The tears. They don't affect me and the rest of your audience has left.

Lilly de Milo:
I hate this town!

Simon Kane:
I know you do. So why don't you take your phony pride and get out.

[Simon wheels the stagecoach into the station with Davey as his shotgun guard]

Relay Station Hostler:
Howdy, Sime. Howdy, Davey. Is that thing there loaded?

Simon Kane:
Ballast. On some stretches of this road, that's the only way I can hold Davey down.

Simon Kane:
Changing teams, folks. Might as well get out and stretch your legs.

Sherriff Doolin:
Nice drivin', Sime.

Simon Kane:
Thank you, Sheriff. The agent always keeps the coffee hot, Colonel Carlin. How are we doin', Mrs. Barton?

Linda Barton:
Oh, after the last lap, I could use it. Since we left Outpost, I think you hit every hole on the Western frontier.

Johnny Dane:
He missed one, ma'am - Grand Canyon. It's too far north.

[Dane raises to Simon's rescue when the older man is pinned down by rifle fire]

Simon Kane:
Dane, don't be a fool!

Johnny Dane:
Why should I break a lifetime habit.

[Domingo and his bandits' rifle fire prevent the passengers from reaching a waterhole]

Johnny Dane:
You never really thought we would just walk away from them, did you? Domingo is just playing his little game - rabbit and butcher

[last lines]

[Dane's sacrifice enabled the other stagecoach passengers to escape]

Simon Kane:
I buried him up there with Domingo and two of his men.

Linda Barton:
You know, I never asked him where he was from or what it was he'd done wrong.

Simon Kane:
Linda, the kind of trouble we went through you learn an awful lot about a person in a very short time. Whatever else he was, Johnny Dane was a man.

Davey Kane:
You know, Mr. Dunlap, you're a funny kind of man. It seems to me you go out of way just lookin' for trouble.

Casey Dunlap:
It's a good way to pass time, Davey.

Davey Kane:
He used to be a good lawman. They used to like Mr. Morgan; they showed him respect and then, for one time in his life, he got scared.

Casey Dunlap:
Yeah, Davey, that one time was enough. Abel Morgan has never paid for what he did.

Davey Kane:
It seems to me he's been payin' ever since it happened. He'll probably keep on payin' as long as he lives... as long as he remembers. My pa says there's lots of ways a man can get scared. Sometimes it happens when he can't help himself; when he's got no way of stopping himself from getting scared. My pa says that sometimes you've got to judge a man from beginning to end and not just for one bad mistake. He says there's something about it in the Bible that sort of explains all that. Something about who's got the right to judge anyway. Maybe you know what he meant, Reverend.

Joshua Jessop:
Judge not others unless ye judge thyself.

Davey Kane:
Yeah! You see all I was tryin' to say is everybody gets scared once in a while.

Joshua Jessop:
Just had to fight and scrounge to make a living. So I turned to selling other things - fake stocks to old widows, gold mines that never existed, land you had to go six feet underwater to find... finally, religion. Kinda funny being in a spot like this gets a man to thinkin' about what he's done with his life. I took on religion because of the fast and easy money. I wish I had taken it up on a more serious note. I could use some honest prayers just about now.

Casey Dunlap:
Yeah. We could use a couple of guardian angels right about now, too.

Casey Dunlap:
And what's your sad story, David boy? Why would anyone leave the niceties of the East to wind up like this.

David Harkness:
Too much of everything you might say; not enough of knowing why. Gentlemen, a life of luxury can prove to be quite a bore... especially if it has no aim, no reason - so you wake up one morning and decide to find that reason. They say that when a man doesn't know which course to take he usually takes the most difficult one.

Luke Perry:
Gentlemen, my old granddaddy used to have a sayin', "The first punch is worth half the fight."

[last lines]

Davey Kane:
There oughta be some words we can say, Luke. You know, not just the ordinary words you say over graves, but somethin' special - somethin' to thank them for what they've done.

Luke Perry:
Fittin' words are kind of hard to find, Davey boy. I reckon what we feel inside is more important than just plain words.

Davey Kane:
I keep thinkin' about what Mr. Dunlap said about how his folks told him that he had a guardian angel to look after him. I guess you and me were lucky, Luke... We had four.

[Mingo has arranged for a tombstone with the local undertaker]

Undertaker:
Oh, Mister...

Mingo:
Mingo's the name.

Undertaker:
Mister Mingo... I think you've made a mistake. You have the date wrong. This is June the Eighteenth. That's three days from now.

Mingo:
I didn't make any mistake. That's the correct date of the death.

Jenny Forbes:
I want to explain something to you. I'm not Mingo's girl; I never have been. He wanted me to be. When he hired me as a singer for the saloon he seemed to think their were a lot of extra clauses in that contract and he's not a man to take no for an answer.

[last lines]

Zeke Bonner:
What happened to Luke?

Simon Kane:
Oh, he said he was going outside to quiet down the horses. He thought they might be nervous after the storm.

Zeke Bonner:
No reason we can't help now that we got the house cleaned up.

[Zeke and Simon step onto the porch and find Luke and Jenny kissing passionately]

Zeke Bonner:
On second thought, I don't think he needs any help at all.

Egan:
You're not runnin' out on me, Bates.

Bates:
I ain't runnin', I'm just leavin'!

Luke Perry:
My old grandaddy used to say their was honor among thieves.

Simon Kane:
Maybe he forgot to mention he wasn't talkin' about murderers.

[Ken has borrowed $200 to help a woman escape from the clutches of a small-time criminal]

Davey Kane:
My pop says gettin' into debt is like fallin' into a hole. It sure is easy to get into, but it's mighty hard to get out of. You sure must like her a lot.

Ken Rawlins:
Not especially, Davey. It's... well... What would you do if you found a puppydog in a wolf trap? Let's say he's not your dog so you don't owe him anything... and maybe he's not much of dog when you get right down to it. What would you do?

Ken Rawlins:
I'd set him free.

Davey Kane:
That's it.

[Ken has just shot Mack in self-defense]

Simon Kane:
You couldn't help it, Ken. Most of the grief in this world come from what people do to themselves. It's usually the other fellow that pays for it.

[discussing Simon's son, Davey]

Emily Prince:
He didn't say anything wrong.

Simon Kane:
I'm glad to hear that. Sometimes I don't catch him in time.

Emily Prince:
Mr. Kane, what did he mean when he said, "Sodbusters"?

Simon Kane:
Homesteaders.

Emily Prince:
You sound as though you don't approve of them.

Simon Kane:
Miss Prince, I've had Indians tell me that if somebody turned this country grass side down, it would blow away. To a certain degree I have to go along with the Indians.

Emily Prince:
So you go along with the Indians and you hate homesteaders?

Simon Kane:
Look, I drive a stagecoach and I don't even hate horses. I don't hate homesteaders - but I know some people that do.

McGonigle:
Oh, Sime, I almost forgot. A cavalry officer stopped here real early this morning - left this note for you.

Simon Kane:
"Sime, I'm on a horse buying trip for the cavalry. Missed you this morning. Maybe we'll meet on my way back. It's been a long time - Major Mark Richmond."

Luke Perry:
Old friend, huh?

Simon Kane:
Last time I saw him was at Front Royal. He was a shavetail then.

Luke Perry:
Yeah, I bet he was shootin' at me, just like you were.

McGonigle:
What were you doin', Luke?

Luke Perry:
I was shootin' back at anything that wore blue. When I wasn't shootin' back I was executing the best known maneuver in military science... I was sleepin'.

[a man wearing a U.S. army officer's uniform waves his pistol at Luke, Simon and Davey]

Hody:
We've been waiting for you.

Luke Perry:
Yeah. Just when I was getting to point where I trusted Yankees.

Davey Kane:
Is that Major Richmond, Pop?

Hody:
That's right, kid, Major Mark Richmond. How about it, Pop?

Simon Kane:
I don't know who you are, but whoever you are, you're a liar!

Hody:
The uniform fits, don't it?

Simon Kane:
That uniform never fit anyone like you.

Luke Perry:
I don't think he'd fit in a gray one, either.

Simon Kane:
What happened to Major Richmond?

Hody:
We busted him back to his original rank - from the earth we cometh to the earth we returneth.

Luke Perry:
Simon, we'd better let him play soldier. He may not be a Major, but he brought a couple of troops with him. Right now I'm lookin' down the wrong end of a couple of guns.

Hody:
Reb...

Reb:
Yeah?

Luke Perry:
Reb?

Reb:
You got somethin' to say?

Luke Perry:
Yeah - did you ever serve in the Confederate army?

Reb:
Now you know I did.

Luke Perry:
Simon, I take back what I said about the Union army. It seems like we had a few skunks on our side, too.

Griz:
Hey, Hody. You figure you can trust Reb?

Hody:
Sure. You can trust anyone who is scared... and Reb scares real easy.

Simon Kane:
What do you do with those who aren't scared?

Hody:
Shoot them.

Hody:
It's always a pleasure to do business with a man who's scared.

Hutch Barnett:
Good evening, ma'am.

Girl:
Have I ever seen you before?

Hutch Barnett:
No, you haven't. Sure looks like tonight's you're lucky night.

Simon Kane:
Which one of them do you figure you can whip, Luke.

Luke Perry:
I don't figure I can whip anybody till the fight's over.

Clete Henry:
Ol' Hutch and me have been talkin' about that. You see, we kind of figure we owe you somethin'.

Simon Kane:
For what?

Hutch Barnett:
You saved our skins last night.

Simon Kane:
Forget it.

Clete Henry:
Mister, my life may not mean very much to you, but I take a real personal interest in it.

Luke Perry:
At least it will dark by the time we get there. It'll help some.

Simon Kane:
Yeah, but it's still a gamble.

Luke Perry:
It's one we have to take.

Simon Kane:
Yeah, I know. Well, my old granddaddy used to say, "Boy, always play your cards just like you had 'em." I've seen a pair of deuces do the work of aces plenty of times.

[Clete agrees to participate in Simon's desperate plan of rescue]

Simon Kane:
It's your funeral.

Clete Henry:
It might be, but you don't have to say it out loud.

Simon Kane:
Anything we can do to help?

Major Donovan:
No thanks. We've delayed you long enough already. Better be on your way and remember - these men are killers.

Simon Kane:
We'll keep our eyes peeled.

Luke Perry:
And our guns handy.

[first lines]

Major Ralph Barnes:
Happy tenth anniversary.

Cecilia Barnes:
Tenth? Oh... ten days!

[discussing Davey's dog]

Felicia Sparks:
What's his name?

Davey Kane:
Hannibal.

Felicia Sparks:
That's an odd name for a dog.

Davey Kane:
I guess maybe it is.

Felicia Sparks:
Why do you call him that?

Davey Kane:
Because he's not afraid to fight anybody or anything.

Deuce Stone:
You know, there's a saying - "A woman was made from a man's rib." She's been a pain in his side ever since.

[Sherry has just shot the banker during a robbery]

Selby Moss:
Didn't have to kill him, did you?

Sherry Hilton:
I wanted to.

[looking at his deputy marshal's badge]

Luke Perry:
You don't care who you give these things to, do you?

Marshal Hugh Strickland:
Well, is there anything you'd like to know about yourself? Where you were born, war record, color of your eyes, height, weight... and when you were last thrown in jail and why?

Luke Perry:
Seems to me like you've gone to considerable trouble to look up my record.

Marshal Hugh Strickland:
That's why you got the badge

[looking at the wanted poster for a beautiful woman]

Luke Perry:
Ooo-ee! That's a mighty good lookin' woman. Too bad she's dishonest. What's she wanted for?

Marshal Hugh Strickland:
Bank robbery.

Luke Perry:
Steal anything big?

Marshal Hugh Strickland:
Bank seems to think so.

Luke Perry:
Could be a small bank.

Luke Perry:
Do you have any idea where I could find her?

Marshal Hugh Strickland:
Now, Luke, I didn't figure you to be a bounty hunter.

Luke Perry:
Oh, I wasn't thinkin' about the reward... I thought I might marry her. She's a mighty good-lookin' woman - and she's rich!

Marshal Hugh Strickland:
Mm-hmm. And she's wanted for murder.

Luke Perry:
Well, on second thought, I reckon I'll stay single.

Selby Moss:
How bad is it?

Luke Perry:
You're still carryin' the bullet. That's not good.

Selby Moss:
Take it out.

Luke Perry:
I could if I had a set of surgeon's tools... and four years of medical school.

[referring to Sherry's partner who has been seriously wounded]

Luke Perry:
Even if he lives through this, do you expect to hold him with a gun?

Sherry Hilton:
I've done all right so far.

Luke Perry:
You call this "all right"?

Zeke Bonner:
Is that pill supposed to make me well?

Luke Perry:
That's what he said.

Zeke Bonner:
Doc's always been the biggest liar in the territory.

Luke Perry:
All you got to do to prove him wrong is die.

Selby Moss:
What makes you think you can scare me?

Luke Perry:
I don't have to. You're already scared.

[Luke and Simon have just thrashed two attackers]

Luke Perry:
You mind tellin' me what that was all about?

Simon Kane:
Yeah. I was supposed to learn a lesson. Looks like I'm not a very good pupil.

Hollis Collier:
Draw your own conclusions, gentlemen. She must have killed him in order to keep it all for herself.

Hogart:
So you're just guessin', huh?

Trask:
Or just lyin'.

[last lines]

Hollis Collier:
Mr. Kane, it's been a great pleasure meeting you, sir. And I'd also like to say I have only one regret.

Simon Kane:
What's that?

Hollis Collier:
Well, it seems possible that I may have turned honest and if that's true I wonder what I'll do for a living from now on.

Luke Perry:
Well, you could try working.

Hollis Collier:
What a horrible thought.

[Luke has just punched one of his stagecoach passengers into unconsciousness]

Mary Kelly:
I know he started the fight but did you have to hit him so hard?

Luke Perry:
Yes ma'am, it seemed to me I did.

Simon Kane:
I'm willing to guarantee safe passage with my life against road agents, hostile Indians, wild animals, fire or flood, but I draw the line at lettin' passengers shoot me for entertainment.

[first lines]

Adolph Strauss:
I'm very sorry, but the store is closed. I was careless to leave the front door unlocked.

Webb Crawford:
Well, you're carelessness could be my good luck. I was afraid I wouldn't find a store open. I've traveled a long way to get here; I still have a long way to go. I liked the creche in your window.

Adolph Strauss:
You really like that?

Webb Crawford:
I think it's one of the most wonderful things I've seen in a long time.

Adolph Strauss:
In the old country, my father was a woodcarver.

Adolph Strauss:
Is there some way I can help you?

Webb Crawford:
Well, I have to get some Christmas presents.

Adolph Strauss:
I would guess you have children.

Webb Crawford:
A boy six; girl four.

Adolph Strauss:
Oh, I know why you have traveled a long way. Christmas is important to children. Maybe it's important to all of us.

Webb Crawford:
You can put this coat on the bill, too... and add this gun and some shells. I'll take care of it later.

Adolph Strauss:
I don't do any credit business, mister.

Webb Crawford:
Maybe you've just changed your policy.

[Webb points the pistol at Adolph and c*cks the hammer]

Webb Crawford:
Mister, I don't like to do this, but I need those presents and I haven't got the money. Now turn around.

Adolph Strauss:
Two days before Christmas... the presents for the children will be gifts from me... the coat and the gun, too.

Webb Crawford:
Mister, I believe you but I can take the chance. I'm sorry.

[three formidable looking men carrying rifles ride down Main Street]

Cal:
Huh. Strangers in town?

Simon Kane:
Yeah. Doesn't look like they're gonna stop long enough to get acquainted either.

Cal:
Well, that's just fine with me. I never did like a man come ridin' in with a rifle in his lap.

[referring to the three men brandishing rifles as they rode through tonw]

Cal:
Could be they're chasin' somebody.

Simon Kane:
Or runnin' from somebody.

Cal:
Could be their chasin' the man that robbed Old Man Strauss last night.

Simon Kane:
Hadn't heard about it.

Cal:
Yeah! They found the old man this morning all trussed up like a turkey and a gag in his mouth. Sure... Funny thing about it, Sime... he was all bedded down real comfortable and a blanket over him. Ha! I never heard of a robber doin' that before.

Simon Kane:
Yuletide spirit, Cal.

[In the spirit of Christmas, Simon offers Webb a free ride in his stagecoach]

Webb Crawford:
I promised myself I'd spend Christmas with me wife and kids.

Simon Kane:
Well, we're wasting time then. Get inside.

Webb Crawford:
This is the first time I ever knew Saint Nick drove a six-up. I always heard he heard he used eight reindeer.

Davey Kane:
Hey, Luke!

[Luke is pouring drinks for Zeke and himself]

Luke Perry:
When are you going to learn not to bother people when they're busy.

[toasting Zeke]

Luke Perry:
God rest ye merry gentlemen.

Zeke Bonner:
Likewise.

Webb Crawford:
Well, one thing you can say, Mr. Kane - your turkey didn't go to waste.

Simon Kane:
Well, it sure went someplace.

Susan Crawford:
I just can't tell you how grateful we are.

Luke Perry:
Well, ma'am, we're the ones who oughta be grateful to you. You see, if Simon had brought home that bird, I was the one who was due to cook it and I guarantee you it wouldn't have tasted like this.

Davey Kane:
I guarantee it wouldn't have, either.

Simon Kane:
Davey, on this night we refrain from criticizing our fellow man.

Davey Kane:
Oh, you've eaten as much of Luke's cooking as I have.

Simon Kane:
That's why I'm not saying anything.

[pointing a shotgun at the three bounty hunters]

Luke Perry:
Just a while ago, I heard a boy say you were the three wise men. If you're really wise, you'll turn around and allow Simon relieve you of those sidearms. This blunderbuss I'm holdin' isn't exactly loaded with rock salt.

Simon Kane:
It took you long enough getting here.

Luke Perry:
I was tryin' to make up my mind whether I should get here at all. You mind letting me have one of those?

[Luke reaches for one of the guns Simon is holding]

Simon Kane:
What's wrong with the one you've got?

Luke Perry:
Well, you see, that Mr. Crawford was a real thorough man. He pulled the loads from this and hid all the shells. I wasn't kiddin' when I said this thing wasn't loaded with rock salt. It's not loaded with anything.

Simon Kane:
I'm going to give you a choice. There's a man who inside who's asking nothing from the law except to spend what may be his last Christmas with his family. Now that doesn't seem like an awful lot to me. Does it to you?

Boone:
No, sir. It sure don't, Mister. I'm a family man myself.

Simon Kane:
If you're deputized you have my word I'll turn Crawford over to you in the morning. Meanwhile, you can either step inside and act like human beings or I'll have Luke cut your horses loose and you can walk. It's up to you.

Boone:
Well, it may be hard for them to act like human beings, Mister, but I give you my word you can trust me.

Simon Kane:
I believe you.

Boone:
Good. Now can I have my gun back?

Simon Kane:
I don't believe you that much.

[reading the note that came with Davey's Christmas gift - a pistol]

Susan Crawford:
"This is for you, Davey, to keep as long as you remember what it's for. Used rightly, it can be your friend. It can clothe and feed you... it can protect you and the ones you hold dear. Used wrongly, it becomes a weapon of destruction and evil. We both feel you're old enough to know the difference. Merry Christmas, Davey - signed Pop and Luke." I think you'll want to keep this card. It was written by two very wise men. Seems as though they're hopin' you'll be the third one.

[the clock strikes midnight]

Simon Kane:
Gentlemen, a Merry Christmas to all.

Webb Crawford:
And to all a good night.