The Curse of Blanchard Hill

Forest Ranger Fred:
[upon seeing the corpses of two victims] Oh my God! They're dead! Oh my God they're really dead! Why me? Why did I have to find these people? I can't believe it! [pukes]

Victor:
This place is great.

Forest Ranger Fred:
Hey you guys? I don't know about this. I think we might need to get some backup... Maybe a search team or the Marines or something.

Detective Roger:
No! That's a stupid idea. If we do that, this place'll be crawling with media, and we don't need that!

Detective Peter:
Right. It'll blow our case! If that killer has cable TV, we're done for.

Detective Roger:
He could even have extended cable.

Detective Peter:
Is that even possible in this forbidden land?

Forest Ranger Fred:
You guys, we don't even have DSL up here.

Detective Roger:
Lame.

Detective Peter:
In any case, we've got to keep quiet until we know more.

Forest Ranger Fred:
Buh... But we gotta warn them! I mean, more people could die! We gotta quarantine this place off!

Detective Peter:
Look, pal! We're the detectives, and you're the forest ranger. So you just leave us alone to do our jobs, and you do yours. Got it?

Gus:
This may sound crazy to all of you guys, but I've heard a lot of stories of Blanchard Hill. They might be urban legends or myths perhaps. But you know, enough weird, crazy sh*t for me to think this place isn't normal! [Telling spooky stories at the campfire]

Detective Peter:
Looks like we gotta get fresh, brother. America needs us.

Detective Roger:
Let's get ready for some detecting.

Detective Roger:
Peter, I think we've got a serial killer on our hands.

Detective Peter:
But a bear did this.

Detective Roger:
But, Peter, the machete wounds on this man could not have been done by a bear. They match the ones on those honky-tonk kids, except bloodier for some reason.

Detective Peter:
Oh come on, Roger. No man could possess the power to do something like this!

Detective Roger:
Yes, Peter. Yes he could.

Detective Roger:
Me too, man. Me, too.