The Flintstones

[repeated line]

Fred Flintstone:
Yabba dabba doo!

Barney Rubble:
You're afraid to tell Wilma, aren't you?

Fred Flintstone:
[skids the car to an abrupt halt] Afraid? Now let's get this straight, Rubble, I don't need permission from my wife to make a decision. In my cave, I reign supreme, *su-PREME*!

Barney Rubble:
I won't tell her, Fred.

Fred Flintstone:
[relieved] Thanks, pal.

Fred Flintstone:
I'm only one man.

Barney Rubble:
Not from the back.

Betty Rubble:
Barney, do you have to do everything Fred does?

Fred Flintstone:
I just want my old job back and my old life.

Barney Rubble:
Hey, Fred. [waves Fred over and whispers in his ear]

Fred Flintstone:
Oh, and two weeks paid vacation for all the men in the quarry, an annual cost-of-living increase, and those little packets of ketchup in the lunch room.

Wilma:
I cannot believe you just sat there and let them walk out on us.

Fred Flintstone:
At least I can walk around the house in my underwear again.

Wilma:
And that is more important to you than 20 years of friendship?

Fred Flintstone:
It is on a hot day.

Cliff Vandercave:
Do you know what we do up here?

Fred Flintstone:
Well, me and the guys have always wondered.

Cliff Vandercave:
We interface, Flintstone. We conceptualize, tenderize, prioritize.

Fred Flintstone:
When do we eat?

Grizzled Man:
Wait, do you know this guy?

Barney Rubble:
Know him? He used to be my best friend. Heck, if it weren't for me, this whole mess probably wouldn't have happened.

Grizzled Man:
Thanks for telling us. We could've made a very big mistake. Hang both of them!

Cliff Vandercave:
I want you to fire Bernard Rubble.

Fred Flintstone:
Done! Wait, fire Barney, why?

Cliff Vandercave:
Well, he scored the lowest on the company aptitude test. He's an imbecile. The company can't afford to have dead weight like him on the payroll.

Fred Flintstone:
But Mr. Vandercave, he's got a new kid, a mortgage, I'm his best friend, I can't.

Cliff Vandercave:
Look, Fred, if you don't fire him, I will, and then I'll fire you.

Sharon Stone:
Can I get you anything? Coffee?

Fred Flintstone:
Sure.

Sharon Stone:
[seductively] How would you like it?

Fred Flintstone:
In a cup?

Sharon Stone:
Bold choice, Mr. Flintstone! You'll go far in this company.

Fred Flintstone:
Barney Rubble has been my neighbor, my lodge brother and my best friend since the first time I went through the fifth grade.

[Dino grabs one of the steaks off the grill and runs away]

Fred Flintstone:
Hey, Barn, you like your steak rare?

Barney Rubble:
Yeah.

Fred Flintstone:
That one's yours. [Barney chases Dino]

Cliff Vandercave:
Son of a Brachiosaurus!

Barney Rubble:
It's like a dream come true. A son. Somebody to carry on the proud name of Rubble. Think I'll be a good daddy, Fred?

Fred Flintstone:
Well, you're bound to find something you're good at.

Barney Rubble:
Yeah sure, but...

Barney Rubble:
[realizes what he said] Hey!

Pearl Slaghoople:
Somebody has to look after my daughter and grandchild, while you're out carousing with a bunch of Neanderthals.

Fred Flintstone:
Oh, really? Well, for your information, the lodge no longer accepts Neanderthals.

Pearl Slaghoople:
He robs your nest egg to bail out that little troll next door, while my daughter has to wash her clothes in the river.

Fred Flintstone:
I've got half a mind...!

Pearl Slaghoople:
Oh, don't flatter yourself!

Mrs. Pyrite:
Mr. and Mrs. Rubble, this is your little boy.

[Presents Bamm-Bamm]

Betty Rubble:
Oh, Barney, isn't he precious?

Fred Flintstone:
[aside to Wilma] Precious? They'd have been better off with the monkey.

Wilma Flintstone:
Fred!

Betty Rubble:
Does he have a name?

Mrs. Pyrite:
Bamm-Bamm.

Barney Rubble:
Is that short for something?

Mrs. Pyrite:
Bamm-Bamm-Bamm. You're going to have to take it slowly with this one. He doesn't speak yet and is a little skittish around humans, but, then again, I would be too if I'd been raised by wild Mastadons. Ha ha ha.

Betty Rubble, Barney Rubble:
Mastadons?

Mrs. Pyrite:
Let's not nitpick! A mammal's a mammal.

Store Manager:
Mrs. Rubble, there seems to be a slight problem with your credit card.

Betty Rubble:
Really? What's that?

Store Manager:
It's no damn good!

[Breaks the card with a hammer]

Fred Flintstone:
Sorry I'm late. Had car trouble, I picked up a nail. [Shows everyone a bandaid on his dirty foot]

Mr. Slate:
Thank you for sharing that with us, Mr. Flagstone. May we continue?

Fred Flintstone:
[Holding a miniature model of houses the quarry plans to build] I hate to bust your bubble, but if you build houses this small, who's gonna live in them?

Wilma Flintstone:
We have scrimped and saved for that money, and every time we get a little bit ahead, you have to go blow it on some hair-brained scheme!

Fred Flintstone:
Now see here, Wilma! In this cave, I am the king! And...

Wilma Flintstone:
And what, Fred?

Fred Flintstone:
And you have every right to know, my queen.

Fred Flintstone:
We'll make new friends, there's 4,000 other people in this world!

[after Cliff has announced that Fred had won the executive job]

Fred Flintstone:
Barney, quick, what's my name?

Barney Rubble:
Fred Flintstone!

Fred Flintstone:
Don't toy with me, Barn.

Barney Rubble:
So, Fred, what am I gonna call you now? Boss? Chief?

Fred Flintstone:
No, simply Your Highness will do.

Fred Flintstone:
Miss Stone, I'd like you to meet my wife, Mrs. Flagstone, and our daughter... uh... uh... isn't she beautiful? My family.

Fred Flintstone:
This is my office? This is my chair?

Cliff Vandercave:
Yeah, not to throw too much at you on your first day, but this big thing here is your desk.

Fred Flintstone:
My desk?

Barney Rubble:
Tell me something, Mr. Vice President, what's a graduated inventory plan? How about supply and demand? Hey Fred, what's two and two?

Fred Flintstone:
...I didn't come here to talk business. I'm out with my wife. Now get me a clean spoon.

Fred Flintstone:
Take a memo. Cliff, let's play golf. We can prioritize, conceptualize and tenderize. Executively yours, Fred Fliiii - [falls backwards out of his chair]

Dictabird:
Are there six or seven I's in 'Fliiii - '?

Cliff Vandercave:
Look at those pathetic worms burrowing their lives away. Do you know why I'm up here and they're down there, Miss Stone?

Sharon Stone:
Because you lied on your r?sum??

Cliff Vandercave:
No. Because I have vision, and right now I have a vision of you and me dripping with coconut oil on a beach in Rockapulco with Mr. Slate's fortune to keep us company.

Sharon Stone:
I'm glad we see eye to eye.

Cliff Vandercave:
And somewhere down there is the ignorant stooge who will make all my schemes come true.

Sharon Stone:
I'm worried, Cliff, I think Mr. Flintstone is smarter than we thought.

Cliff Vandercave:
Ha. He'd have to be to get himself dressed in the morning.

Pearl Slaghoople:
Oh, you poor, poor dear. You could have married Elliot Firestone, the man who invented the wheel. [gives Fred a nasty glare] Instead you picked Fred Flintstone, the man who invented the excuse!

Barney Rubble:
[On Fred's first day of being a VP] Well, guess this is it, Mr. Flintstone. Go get 'em, big guy.

Fred Flintstone:
Hey, Barn.

Barney Rubble:
Yeah, Fred?

Fred Flintstone:
Could you spot me a couple bucks for lunch? I'm a little short.

Barney Rubble:
You're right, Fred. Nothing's changed.

Mr. Slate:
Gentlemen, please, I can't endorse this modernization if it means laying off all those workers. Some of them have been here since the beginning of time.

Cliff Vandercave:
What if I could quadruple your income?

Mr. Slate:
I'll miss them. You were saying?

Cliff Vandercave:
Through the miracle of geothermal power, the raw material is elevated to the second stage where our steam-powered conveyor belts carry...

Executive in Boardroom:
Steam? He's a mad man!

Cliff Vandercave:
*Steam*-powered conveyor belts, carry the product...

Betty Rubble:
You know, Barney, life is funny. One minute people are your best friends, and the next you're fantasizing they're being ripped apart by a pack of rabid wolves.

Barney Rubble:
You too, huh?

Betty Rubble:
Oh, Barney, they've changed. I hardly know them since Fred's become a big shot.

Barney Rubble:
And it should be us squanderin' all our money and treatin' our friends like dirt.

Betty Rubble:
What do you mean?

Barney Rubble:
Nothin'. Just sour grapes, I guess.

Betty Rubble:
Don't worry, Barney. It's gonna get better. One day, we'll look back on all this, and we'll laugh.

Barney Rubble:
Gee, I hope so, Betty, 'cause tomorrow they got me testing shark repellent.

[they both grimace]

[after the bowling team drinks from the giant beer mug and howls]

Hoagie:
[grinning] It doesn't get any better than this!

Joe Rockhead:
Whatcha got today?

Hoagie:
Lizard & onions. Want half?

Joe Rockhead:
Sure!

Fred Flintstone:
Well, I'm not going to jail, but it won't be easy finding a new job. What kind of reference is Mr. Slate gonna give me after I destroyed his quarry.

Betty Rubble:
Aw Fred, it wasn't your fault, I'm sure Mr. Slate will understand.

Mr. Slate:
Flint-stoooooooooone!

Fred Flintstone:
Sure, now he gets my name right.

Wilma:
[when Barney and Betty are waiting for their adopted child] Now, Fred. Don't say anything like what you said when you saw my sister's child.

Fred Flintstone:
The kid had a tail. What was I supposed to do? Pretend I didn't notice it?

Mr. Slate:
How did this happen?

Fred Flintstone:
Well, it all started when I lent money to Barney so he could adopt a baby.

Mr. Slate:
Not that. How did this happen to Cliff?

[shows Cliff trapped in a hard rough substance]

Fred Flintstone:
Well, the machine went haywire and the rocks got crushed up and mixed with the water, and it got onto Cliff. Mr. Slate, I'm sorry.

Mr. Slate:
Sorry? I love this stuff! I'm gonna name it after my daughter, Concretia.

Barney Rubble:
You know, Fred, I hear that eatin' too much red meat is bad for you.

Fred Flintstone:
What a load of bunk! My father ate it every day of his life and he lived to the ripe old age of thirty-eight.

Wilma:
This has gone far enough! After everything that we've done for you! We took you into our home!

Betty Rubble:
Oh, yeah, so you could show off every chance you got. You used to be such nice people but now... you're just a couple of rich snobs! Hmph!

[as Fred and Pearl argue]

Wilma Flintstone:
You two should be ashamed of yourselves!

Pearl Slaghoople:
I got my hands full just being ashamed of him.

Fred Flintstone:
You got your hands full when you scratch your neck!

Cliff Vandercave:
And in the words of my beloved mother: I'm taking the money and moving to a warmer climate.

Fred Flintstone:
What can I do? I gotta think of something... [a thought appears showing Pearl Slaghoople struggling in the mouth of a Brontosaurus, Fred giggles] Not now. [the thought disappears and then another thought appears, showing what he did with that model of the machine and then he snaps his fingers]

[first lines]

Foreman:
Hey, back to work! You guys had a break two days ago!

[last lines]

Fred Flintstone:
Wilma? WILMAAAAAA!

[Cliff is on the ground, scrambling to pick up the money Sharon Stone hit him with. Fred walks up and steps on his hand]

Fred Flintstone:
Oh, Cliff? It's time for you and me to "interface"!

[punches his own hand threateningly]

Dictabird:
I should have signed with Disney.