The Flintstones

Fred Flintstone:
Yabba Dabba Do!

[Fred and Barney have just run into another car]

Fred Flintstone:
Hey why don't you hold out your hand when you're making a left turn?

Rock Quarry:
Left turn? I was going straight.

Fred Flintstone:
Look buster you're at fault and I can prove it. I got a disinterested witness here, my neighbor and best friend Barney Rubble. Go ahead Barney, tell him just how it happened.

Barney Rubble:
You drove through a boulevard stop Fred and hit that man's car.

Wilma Flintstone, Betty Rubble:
Melville J. Muchrocks is a crook.

Fred Flintstone:
Muchrocks a crook? Are you sure?

Wilma Flintstone:
Absolutely, he's wanted by the police.

Betty Rubble:
We heard him described to a T.

Fred Flintstone:
Wilma, do you know where they went?

Wilma Flintstone:
They said they were going to the amusement park and then to dinner. Oh my poor mother.

[She starts crying]

Fred Flintstone:
Don't you worry sweetheart, you leave it to me. Barney.

Barney Rubble:
Yeah Fred?

Fred Flintstone:
C'mon, let's go.

Barney Rubble:
Right Fred.

Fred Flintstone:
You ever play football, Barney?

Barney Rubble:
Yeah Fred, why?

Fred Flintstone:
Because you're going to run interference while I intercept a proposal.

Fred Flintstone:
[bangs on the door after being locked out by the cat] WILMA!

Wilma Flintstone:
I work hard all day, too, and what do I get? A lot of yak from you. You at least get out everyday, see things, talk to people. I never get out of this cave.

Fred Flintstone:
Where's your get up and go?

Barney Rubble:
It just got up and went.

Fred Flintstone:
I love my dear sweet mother in-law. My mother in-law is a doll.

Attendant:
Are you feeling alright, mister?

Fred Flintstone:
Huh? Yeah. Yeah, I'm okay.

Attendant:
Good. Good. You just stay in here and rest. That hot sun out there is a killer.

Fred Flintstone:
Poor guy, he must have been standing in it for hours.

[Fred goes to try out the Barney-copter and doesn't get far off the ground]

Barney Rubble:
Hey, you're too fat, Fred!

Fred Flintstone:
Yeah, you laugh. You'll see, Barn, they know me in this bank, they'll help me right a way.

Bank Clerk:
Look, pals, it's Fred Flintstone.

Fred Flintstone:
Yeah, hi. I'd like to lent some money here.

Bank Clerk:
[laughing] Ha ha ha ha! See that, pals? Fred Flintstone wants money. Ha ha ha ha ha!

Betty Rubble:
Sometimes I just don't know what's the matter with men.

Barney Rubble:
That's easy - you women!

Barney Rubble:
[Fred has just fallen down after taking a swing at Barney] Whale on the beach! Whale on the beach!

Fred Flintstone:
How can you be so stupid?

Barney Rubble:
Hey, that's not very nice. Say you're sorry.

Fred Flintstone:
I'm sorry you're stupid.

Barney Rubble:
Say, Fred, ain't it time for the big fight?

Fred Flintstone:
Hey-hey, I'm glad you remembered! You fix the chairs. I'll get the soda and popcorn.

Wilma Flintstone:
I didn't know There was a fight scheduled.

Barney Rubble:
[while moving two chairs over to the window looking into the neighbors' home] You kiddin'? Tonight's for the championship. Oh, it should be a real grudge bout.

Betty Rubble:
Heavyweight or lightweight?

Barney Rubble:
Both. A heavyweight versus a lightweight.

Wilma Flintstone:
Why are you putting the chairs over there by the window? The TV set is here.

Fred Flintstone:
This is not on TV. It's a closed-circuit.

Betty Rubble:
But who's fighting?

Barney Rubble:
The new neighbors - Mrs. and Mr. Brickrock.

Wilma Flintstone:
Fred! You don't intend to eavespeep?

Fred Flintstone:
Ho-ho-hoooo, I wouldn't miss tonight's bout for anything. Those two have been putting on the greatest fight of the century. Last night's bout was a doozy. Did you ever hear such hysterics? All that screaming and shrieking in that high voice?

Barney Rubble:
Yeah, I thought he'd never stop!

Betty Rubble:
Oh, that's terrible! You mean that meek little man hit's his wife?

Fred Flintstone:
No-o-o, in the last three bouts, he didn't even lay a glove on her. He's strictly a defensive fighter.

Barney Rubble:
You'd think she'd let him win once in a while just to keep up his interest.

Wilma Flintstone:
[while Alvin Brickrock, an Alfred Hitchcock lookalike, is at the Flintstones' front door] Do you know the Rubbles?

Barney Rubble:
We've never met, but I've admired your footwork many many times.

Fred Flintstone:
[while reading from an issue of "Weird Detective" magazine] Hmmmm, here's the "Crook of the Month" - "Fifteen thousand reward for information leading to apprehension of Albert Bonehart - wanted for questioning in disappearance of three former wives - Bonehart's fourth wife was last seen in a railroad station - in a valise, a ladies hat box and an executive's brief case." Well, that's one way of sending your wife to the country.

Barney Rubble:
[upon seeing an assembled mastodon skeleton after sneaking into the Brickrock home] Your suspicions were correct, Fred. There she is - Agatha Brickrock with her outside removed.

Fred Flintstone:
That's not Agatha; that's a mastodon.

Barney Rubble:
A whats-a-don?

Fred Flintstone:
A big thing with a lumpy body, thick legs, a long nose, floppy ears, and tusks.

Barney Rubble:
Sounds like Agatha to me.

Barney Rubble:
[as Alvin Brickrock returns home to find Barney and Fred in his home] Eddy-frey, when's the op-cays oming-cay?

Fred Flintstone:
I couldn't ind-fay an op-cay, Arney-bay.

Barney Rubble:
Oy vey

Fred Flintstone:
I know what you're going to say. I don't know anything about all of this, right?

Wilma Flintstone:
Right!

Fred Flintstone:
Has that ever stopped me from being an expert before?

Television Producer:
[Having discovered Fred and wanting to cast him in the role of the loud-mouthed husband in the new show, "The Frogmouth"] That voice, that voice! He's the perfect Frogmouth! Get that frog! I mean, get that man! Get him up here right away! So you're Wilma's husband. I knew it, I knew it! One look at her, and I knew it! Tell me, Fred, did you ever do any acting?

Fred Flintstone:
Well, heh-heh, one year I was in the spring play at Public School 158.

Television Producer:
And you were Hamlet? Uh, Romeo? Er, King Arthur?

Fred Flintstone:
Na-a-aw, no, none of those things. Some of the kids were trees, some were flowers, some were butterflies...

Television Producer:
And what were you?

Fred Flintstone:
I was a slug.

Television Producer:
It figures, it figures...

Fred Flintstone:
[when Barney suggests he tell the truth about a crazy situation] What is this mania you have with telling the truth? You must have been weaned on sodium pentathol or something.

Fred Flintstone:
[after being called a "loudmouth"] YES I AM! SO WHAT? YOU WANT TO MAKE SOMETHING OUT OF IT?

Fred Flintstone:
[about his uncle] He was a well, he was... he was...

Betty Rubble:
You mean he was an eccentric.

Fred Flintstone:
I mean he was a kook.

Lawyer:
You see, madam, the late J. Giggles Flintstone was a sort of... eh... he was...

Wilma Flintstone:
You mean he was an eccentric.

Lawyer:
No, I mean he was a kook!

Creepers:
Dinner is served, sir.

Fred Flintstone:
Eh, what is it, Creepers?

Creepers:
Alphabet soup, sir, our cook's specialty.

Fred Flintstone:
Alphabet soup?

Barney Rubble:
Sure, Fred, you twirl it around and sometimes it makes words. Uh do you think we should eat it?

Fred Flintstone:
Well sure, why not?

Barney Rubble:
Well if anything happens to Flintstone, everything goes to the servants, remember?

Fred Flintstone:
Yeah, yeah I remember. Hey Barney look! The alphabet soup's trying to tell us something! Beware!

Barney Rubble:
You better do what it says, Fred, look! [Pot Rock charges at Fred with a cleaver]

Barney Rubble:
[looking at a picture on the wall] Hey, that must be a picture of your uncle, the late J. Giggles Flinstone.

Fred Flintstone:
Yeah, yeah that's him alright.

Barney Rubble:
Looks a lot like you! [the eyes move in the picture]

Fred Flintstone:
Hey Barney! That picture, I saw the eyes move!

Barney Rubble:
Eyes move? Oh boy, uh Fred, you're a bundle of nerves!

Fred Flintstone:
[hears thunder and laughter and jumps over to Barney's side of the table] Kind of, stormy tonight, isn't it, Barney?

Betty Rubble:
Where's Barney?

Barney Rubble:
[on the cuckoo clock's perch] Cuckoo, cuckoo, cuckoo, cuckoo. [disappears back in the clock]

Betty Rubble:
Barney come out! What're you doing up there?

Barney Rubble:
[comes out] Well when you're in a cuckoo type house, this is the safest place to be.

Barney Rubble:
[looking into Alvin Brickrock's home and finding a dinosaur skeleton] What a gloomy place this is. [gulps] Your suspicions were correct, Fred, there she is, Agatha Brickrock, with her outside removed.

Fred Flintstone:
That's not Agatha, that's a mastadon.

Barney Rubble:
A whatsadon?

Fred Flintstone:
A big thing with a lumpy body, thick legs, a big nose, flappy ears and tusks.

Barney Rubble:
Sounds like Agatha to me.

Fred Flintstone:
[playing cards] Barney, what would you do if you were holding the queen alone?

Barney Rubble:
I don't know, Fred, it all depends on what time the king gets home. [laughs]

Arnold:
Collect for the paper, Mr. Flintstone.

Fred Flintstone:
How much?

Arnold:
$1.75.

Fred Flintstone:
$1.75 only four weeks newspapers?

Arnold:
Four weeks newspapers, and a month's rentals on my comics. Peter Gunnite and the Bald Blonde Caper, and I was a Member of the Mafia for the FBI, and I was a Member of the FBI for the Mafia, and Peter Masonite and the Permanent Wave Murders.

Fred Flintstone:
I don't remember that one.

Arnold:
Oh sure, the killer throws his victims into a vat of permament wave lotion and they get curled to death.

Fred Flintstone:
Oh yeah, yeah, he buries them in snail shells! Go on.

Arnold:
And you're 26 cents overdue for my Little Golden Treasury of children's murder mysteries.

Fred Flintstone:
Oh well I'm not finished with that yet, here's your money, Arnold.

Wilma Flintstone:
I didn't know there was a fight scheduled.

Barney Rubble:
Are you kidding? Tonight's for the championship, oooohh it should be a real grudge boat.

Betty Rubble:
Heavyweight or lightweight?

Barney Rubble:
Both, a heavyweight vs. a lightweight.

Wilma Flintstone:
Why're you putting the chairs over there by the window? The TV set's here.

Fred Flintstone:
This is not on TV, it's a closed circuit.

Betty Rubble:
But who's fighting?

Barney Rubble:
The new neighbors, Mr. and Mrs. Brickrock.

Fred Flintstone:
I wouldn't miss tonight's fight for anything. Those two have been putting on the greatest fight of the century. Last night's bout was a doozy. Did you hear all that screaming and shrieking and that high voice?

Barney Rubble:
Yeah, I thought he'd never stop.

Betty Rubble:
That's terrible, you mean that meek little man hits his wife?

Fred Flintstone:
No, in the last three rounds he never laid a glove on her, he's strictly a defensive fighter.

Barney Rubble:
Yeah, you'd think she'd let him win once in a while to keep his interest.

Wilma Flintstone:
It's funny how little you know about your neighbors; what really goes on behind closed doors.

Betty Rubble:
We don't even know what business he's in, and they've been living in that big old gloomy house for a whole week.

Fred Flintstone:
You never see that Brickrock guy going to work, do you think he's retired?

Barney Rubble:
No Fred, the lights are still on.

Fred Flintstone:
I mean what kind of work is he out of?

Barney Rubble:
Well did you see some of those spooky crates and boxes?

Fred Flintstone:
What do you mean spooky? What's spooky about crates and boxes?

Barney Rubble:
Shaped like coffins?

Fred Flintstone:
[reading] He was a midget in the big house, see? And he tried to escape by wiggling through a mouse hole after lights out, but he outsmarted himself, see? Cuz it wasn't a mouse hole, it was a light socket, and somebody turned the lights on.

Fred Flintstone:
Hmmm, here's the crook of the month. Fifteen thousand reward for information leading to apprehension of Albert Bonehart, wanted for questioning in disappearance of three former wives. Bonehart's fourth wife was last seen in a little railroad station in a valise, a ladies hatbox, and an executive's briefcase. Well, that's one way to send your wife to the country.

Fred Flintstone:
[at Barney's window] Psst, hey Barney, Barney!

Barney Rubble:
Hey Fred, what're you doing in the middle of my begonias in the middle of the night?

Fred Flintstone:
Don't you see? Our neighbor Alvin Brickrock, he borrowed my shovel! He could be a vicious monster! A diabolocal fiend!

Barney Rubble:
Well Fred, you haven't returned my lawn mower and I don't feel that way about you.

Fred Flintstone:
I'm not talking about Wilma's mother. I'm talking about that antiseptic refugee from the psycho ward. Nurse Frightenshale.

Fred Flintstone:
Blustering: Awright, YOU asked for it, I'm gonna... Whimpering: Oh no... Oh you wouldn't do THAT... No... You wouldn't tickle my FEET, wouldja?

Barney Rubble:
If you're queasy... Sailing on the wave... Just open your mouth... Shout, "Terra Firma Shave!"

Costumer:
[Fred tries on a fake beard as a disguise] And with this hat on I guarantee your own mother won't recognize you!

Fred Flintstone:
[walking outside] GOOD! GOOD! Now I can go anywhere in town and eat!

Barney Rubble:
Hiya, Fred!

Costumer:
[back in the costume shop] Back so soon, Mr. Flintstone? How was the party? [Fred slams the hat over his head]

Fred Flintstone:
I'm going down to the drugstore to pick up some of that Scram.

Barney Rubble:
It's kind of late, Fred; maybe we should go in the morning.

[Fred sneezes, knocking Barney into the wall]

Barney Rubble:
OK, Fred. I can take a hint. We'll go now.

Barney Rubble:
[after visiting the pharmacy, Fred & Barney stop at a restaurant. Fred tells Barney that he should call home to let them know where they are. Barney agrees, but before he can get up Fred sneezes, sending Barney flying into the phone booth] You don't have to get pushy, Fred! I said I'd call!

Fred Flintstone:
[Fred & Barney pull up in front of the drugstore] Here we are, Bar...

[Fred sneezes, moving the car backwards]

Barney Rubble:
You know, Fred, if we could harness the power in those sneezes, we could forget about paying the electric bill.

Fred Flintstone:
Never mind the wisecracks, I need that Scram.

Barney Rubble:
[Points to a display table] Look, Fred, enough Scram for an army. Or at least an army of sneezes.

Fred Flintstone:
You wouldn't think it was so funny if it happened to...

[Fred sneezes, knocking over the display table]

Barney Rubble:
Uh-oh, Fred. I think you just bought a lifetime supply of Scram.

[Fred is in extremely deep exasparation, of having to work on a Saturday]

Fred Flintstone:
Ood-abbad-abbay!

Barney Rubble:
And what is that?

Fred Flintstone:
That is yabba-dabba-doo, spelled backwards.

Gooney Bird:
Boink!

Wilma Flintstone:
Fred, can't you get up without making all that noise?

Fred Flintstone:
It's that pesty gooney bird, he's back again! Why can't he fly back to Capistranorock or wherever else he belongs? What a thing to look forward to all summer!

Mr. Slate:
When Fred Flintstone comes by to see me, tell him to wait because I'm speaking with the vice president.

Mimi:
You got it, Poopsie.

Mr. Slate:
Shhh! Mimi, please. Not with the poopsie.

Mr. Slate:
[to himself as he's walking back to his office] Ever since that last office party I've been Poopsie. I wondered what happened.

Big Sparkle:
[pointing a gun at the can on Shorty's head at point blank range] Now hold still, Shorty.

Shorty:
[Shaking] But... but... s-suppose you miss!

Big Sparkle:
I never miss!

Harry the Hood:
[fires the gun, then a thud and everything shakes] Gee Boss, you missed.

Big Sparkle:
So I did. Tsk, tsk, tsk.

Fred Flintstone:
[Fred and Barney are glued to a bowling ball, and are trying to get it off with a hammer & chisel] Now when I nod my head, hit it. Ok, Barney?

Barney Rubble:
If you say so, Fred.

Fred Flintstone:
[Nods. Barney hits him in the head with the hammer] Not my head you dunce! The ball!

Fred Flintstone:
He just tried to f-f-f-freeze me to death in a cold shower!

Barney Rubble:
I always take a cold shower in the morning.

Betty Rubble:
That's right, he does.

Fred Flintstone:
[yelling] YEAH, BUT I DON'T!

Television Producer:
Now I know you've been rehearsing at home, and you know your part. But project. You know, project. You're the frogmouth. You're loud, you're noisy, you're obnoxious. Lots of decibels, you got it?

The Frogmouth:
[in a meek voice] I think so.

The Frogmouth:
No. No. Nobody would do this to me. It's a gag. Yes. Eases the tension. I was all stiff, now I'm all loosened up. This is a rehearsal everybody. Quiet on stage. Okay Wilma, throw the frogmouth his first cue.

Wilma Flintstone:
Bill, the baby's college fund money is missing. Did you take it Bill?

The Frogmouth:
[again in the meek voice] Yes I did, so what? You wanna make something out of it?

Television Producer:
No, louder! Louder! You're the frogmouth, Be P-O-S-I-T-I-V-E!

The Frogmouth:
[slightly raised, but still meek] Yes I did, so what? You wanna make something out of it?

Television Producer:
Why me? I'm a good guy. It's too late to audition people. I could have gone to college, I could have learned a trade. But no, I had to be a television producer. And I wind up with a pollywog for a frogmouth. I'm ruined!

Barney Rubble:
If you scrub with "Sudsy-Wudsy", you'll wash away the Mudsy-Mudsies...

Barney Rubble:
[Barney's surrounded by things Fred paid for because he though Barney was a counterfeiter] You should have seen Fred go white when I looked in the auto show room window!

Perry Gunite:
Bartender... rocks over rocks. And bartender... put that in a dirty glass.

Fred Flintstone:
[Fred stops at a wig shop to buy a disguise] I need a wig, quick!

Wig Man:
That one you're wearing is a little ratty.

Fred Flintstone:
Don't be a wise guy, just give me a wig!

Wig Man:
[Takes the wig off his head and hands it to Fred] Here you are.

Fred Flintstone:
[Puts on wig and pays clerk] Thank you. Hm, might as well take this phony mustache too.

[Pulls the clerk's mustache off and leaves]

Wig Man:
Boy is he in for a surprise. That mustache was real. Ow! Oooh!

Fred Flintstone:
[after discovering Barney has walked away with the TV set] Are you nuts?

Barney Rubble:
But Fred, you told me to be ruthless.

Fred Flintstone:
Ruthless? You put that set back or you'll be toothless!

Barney Rubble:
[Hiding in the TV set] Are you having trouble sleeping at night? It might be because you're a deadbeat. Pay off those annoying TV bills with one big payment, and get a good night's sleep.

Fred Flintstone:
[Picks up TV set and starts shaking it] Rubble, I'll get you out of there even if I have to wreck the set!

Fred Flintstone:
[Learns that Barney has been asked to repossess his golf clubs] You touch one club, and I'll mash your head in with a mashie!

Fred Flintstone:
Your only friend is a buck and the more bucks you got the more friends you got.

[Fred's loud & heavy snoring blew a saber-toothed cat off of his bed, waking it after it fell to the floor & opening quote also]

Saber-toothed cat:
That does it. I'm turning myself in at the animal shelter. At least I can get a night's sleep.

[after the saber-toothed cat made its remark, it quickly ran away]

Rocky Genial:
[awakened by rapping on his bedroom window, sees Fred Flintstone] I must have left the TV set on. What a time to be showing horror movies!

Man:
You're a little late for Halloween, aren't ya, buddy?

Fred Flintstone:
You're not Barney.

Man:
Who?

Fred Flintstone:
Barney Rubble. Doesn't he live here?

Man:
[laughs] That's a hot one. B.J. Rubble the multimillionaire living here? You're a regular comedian, mister.

Fred Flintstone:
Barney Rubble a millionaire?

Man:
Yeah, struck it rich in oil years ago. Mr. Rubble lives way up there on tip of that hill. Calls the estate Sandstone Simeon. Everyone knows about B.J. Rubble the millionaire. You must have been asleep for the last twenty years, pal.

Fred Flintstone:
Gee, maybe he's right. Maybe I *have* been asleep for twenty years, like in that Rip van Winklestone story. [starts crying] I've slept my whole life away! My family's gone, my friends disappeared, Barney is rich! [stops crying] Barney, *he'll* remember me! I'm his best friend and he'll know where Wilma and Pebbles are!

Barney Rubble:
[Arrives to help Fred practice his dance routine] I'll just plug in the old electric guitar, tune it up, and... [guitar shorts out]

Fred Flintstone:
Barney! What the heck happened?

Barney Rubble:
AC guitar, DC outlet! Would you mind unplugging it, Fred? I'm feeling kind of barbequed! [Fred tries to unplug the guitar, which shorts out again, then blows up] Man, when those things short, they really short! You got a spare tuba?

Fred Flintstone:
Never mind the instruments! You can hum the tune.

Fred Flintstone:
[after hearing radio broadcasts making fun of his dancing] I don't want to do it! Don't make me do it! [Starts to cry, then faints]

Barney Rubble:
Don't worry about your daddy, Pebbles. He's just having a simple nervous breakdown.

Fred Flintstone:
[after being "persuaded" to get Wilma & Betty tickets to the Shinrock TV show] Alright, we'll get you the tickets! But first let me take care of Jimmy O'Neillstone! [Turns off TV]

Barney Rubble:
[after an arm reaches out of the set and turns it back on] Well, I guess that's how they keep their ratings up.

Fireman:
[dancing with a high society lady] You sure shake a mean leg, toots!

Yogi Bear:
Now you see, Boo Boo, I'm smarter than the average Fred Flintstone, hey hey.

Fred Flintstone:
Hold it! And don't give me that Yabba Dabba Doo stuff.

Robot Fred:
Yabba... Dabba... Doo.

Fred Flintstone:
This is Fred Hospital, I'm taking my wife to the Flintstone.

[Fred Flintstone is extremely nervous, while calling the Bedrock Hospital]

Bird:
[emerges from the cuckoo clock at 3am] Cuckoo, cuckoo, cuckoo.

[yawns]

Bird:
Oh boy, I must be cuckoo to be up at this hour!

Wilma Flintstone:
Look at me Fred, I'm calm.

Fred Flintstone:
Why shouldn't you be? Your wife isn't having a baby.

Wilma Flintstone:
The baby will be 7 years old by the time we get to the hospital.

Fred Flintstone:
The ring wasn't in the flour canister. So it's got to be in the batter. [slowly peeks around the corner]

Wilma Flintstone:
FRED!

Fred Flintstone:
[jumps] AAH!

Wilma Flintstone:
What are you peeking around corners for?

Wilma Flintstone:
Don't tell me you've never married, Greta. You were the most popular girl in school.

Greta:
Oh I guess my standards were too high. I played hard to get and, well... I just didn't get got.

Fred Flintstone:
[trying to fool their wives it wasn't them in the bowling alley] Read me another bedtime story, would you Barney pal?

Barney Rubble:
Sure, which one? 'Uncle Wiggly' or 'I Was a Teenage Brontosaurus'?

Barney Rubble:
[after a flower snarls at him for saving Fred] Must be a tiger lily.

Creepela:
[discussing her son, Goblin] He's so adorable, you'll loathe him!

Weirdly Gruesome:
Oh yes. Our son Gob is quite the little lad.

Barney Rubble:
Gob? Is he a sailor?

Barney Rubble:
Oh no. Gob is short for Goblin.

Fred Flintstone:
It figures, it figures. Does little Goblin have a pet spider that looks like a derby hat with legs?

Weirdly Gruesome:
He did have, but little Gob, shall we say, wore him out.

Fred Flintstone:
Yeah, let's say that. Spiders can't take it.

Weirdly Gruesome:
Goblin isn't the kind of boy that you don't take to when you first meet him.

Fred Flintstone:
I'll buy that.

Weirdly Gruesome:
But when you get to know him, you can't stand him! [laughs evilly]

Fred Flintstone:
[Fred just opened the door and meets Mr Gruesome for the first time] Hello Mr Flintstone. I'm Gruesome.

Fred Flintstone:
Yeah, you are, sort of. But knowing it is half the battle.

Weirdly Gruesome:
You can call me Weirdly.

Fred Flintstone:
I was just about to do that.

Creepela:
I hope Goblin hasn't done... you know what... to Mr Flintstone and Mr Rubble.

Weirdly Gruesome:
Could be. He is at the pranky stage.

Creepela:
Mommy won't be mad. Tell her: did you hide the nice man down the wellsy-wellsy?

Weirdly Gruesome:
Or cement him in the wallsy-wallsy?

Creepela:
Isn't he darling? The way he ignores us.

Weirdly Gruesome:
He's dilightfully disobedient.

Weirdly Gruesome:
There's our new residence dear. Tombstone Manor.

Creepela:
Oh, isn't it a lovely mess!

Weirdly Gruesome:
A little unfixing here and there, and it'll be a total wreck.

Creepela:
Abominable lawn, I love it!

Weirdly Gruesome:
Waist high crabgrass! [something grabs him, he holds his hands up with two crabs holding his fingers] With real crabs! Delightfully wretched place!

Creepela:
Goblin!

Goblin:
Yes, mummy?

Creepela:
Please keep Snider the Spider quiet.

Goblin:
Yes, Mother dear. [jumps up and down on the spider] Quiet, Snider. Or I'll have to scrunch you!

Barney Rubble:
[after a deformed hand came out of a small window in a door, with a voice snarling] Hmm. That's interesting.

Barney Rubble:
[watching the Gruesomes arrive in their car, which is a hearse] Hey Fred, what kind of car is that?

Fred Flintstone:
That is the kind of car that takes you there but doesn't bring you back.

Wilma Flintstone:
[singing] Make your hobby hubby. Keep your hubby happy. When he's a little chubby, he's a happy pappy. With Rockenschpeel!

Granny Hatrock:
[after hitting a hand that came out of the well] Mind your manners. Oh Mr Gruesome. I don't want to spoil this here lovely party, but there's something down in that well.

Weirdly Gruesome:
Oh, that's only Uncle Ghastly. He lives down there.

Fred Flintstone:
Uncle Ghastly lives down in the well?

Weirdly Gruesome:
Yes. He's on Crepella's side of the family.

Weirdly Gruesome:
[Fred looked down the well, then the hand punches him, leaving Fred staring down the well] He's full of laughs. [a very creepy laugh emanates from the well, terrifying Fred]

Fred Flintstone:
[seeing Barney lying on the ground, obviously in pain] What happened to you?

Barney Rubble:
[in agony] I just got run over by a piano!

Fred Flintstone:
Which way did it go?

Barney Rubble:
[indicating with a raised arm] That-a-way.

Fred Flintstone:
[the piano gets stuck in the doorway] Stand back, Barney. I'm going to put a little weight behind it.

Barney Rubble:
But Fred, you're a lot of weight! [Fred takes a run at the piano and proceeds to knock it over Barney and out the other side of the house]

Mailman:
[the piano drops on Barney's foot. In order to keep from waking Wilma, Barney runs down the street away from the house and screams into a mailbox. A few moments after Barney leaves, the mailman arrives and opens the mailbox, letting out Barney's scream of pain] I've got to stop eating in those cheap restaurants!

Wilma Flintstone:
It's been weeks since you had a good word for anybody or anything.

Fred Flintstone:
Oh yeah, what about that thing I said about your mother last week?

Wilma Flintstone:
My mother?

Fred Flintstone:
I said, good riddance she lives 50 miles away.

Fred Flintstone:
Tell me, boss, I'm on pins and needles! What were you wearing?

Mr. Rockhead:
[Puts on the bird head of the costume that he, unknown to Fred, exchanged with the costumer] I got it right here.

Fred Flintstone:
Sure, I talked to you, we were standing at the refreshment bar and I was saying... [suddenly realizes it was Mr. Rockhead he said all that bad stuff to] Oh boy, what I was saying...

Mr. Rockhead:
I'll refresh your memory... Quote: Vice president of the morons section of the Knucklehead Club. [Fred starts to "feel small" as he continues] Home having dinner before the 5-oclock whistle. Penny Pincher. Shorty. Birdbrain. You were gonna bump me right on the beak! Et cetera, et cetera, et cetera! Well, what have you got to say for yourself?

Fred Flintstone:
[in a high-pitched voice] Oh boy, me and my big mouth.

Fred Flintstone:
[as Fred and Barney begin to show eachother their costumes which both happen to be Red-Devil costumes] Hey Barney, where are you?

Barney Rubble:
Oh, right here Fred. I slipped into my costume too.

Fred Flintstone:
Huh?

Barney Rubble:
Will the real Satan please stand up? [Barney laughs]

Fred Flintstone:
Hi there young fella, what's your name?

Alvin:
Alvin.

Fred Flintstone:
Alvin what?

Alvin:
Alvin... thank you.

Fred Flintstone:
No, I mean your other name. What does your mommy call your daddy?

Alvin:
She don't call him anything, she likes him!

Fred Flintstone:
[getting irritated] Well, what does the name say on your mailbox?

Alvin:
U.S. Mail.

Fred Flintstone:
Say, isn't your father A.A. Carborundum?

Alvin:
Yeah, so what?

Fred Flintstone:
Well, do you know who I am?

Alvin:
You mean you don't know that, either?

Fred Flintstone:
Smart aleck kid.

Barney Rubble:
[reading the bus' manual to Fred] First you put your two feet close up tight. The clutch is on the left and the brake is on the right. Take hold of the wheel kind of nice and light. And twist it around with all your might. Now shove your lovin's hand way out in space. And ease it into gear with style and grace. If you've gone this far you can't turn back. Geronimo, and good luck Jack!

Barney Rubble:
[In trying to get away from an angry Fred, Barney climbs a small tree. Fred catches up to him and pull the tree down] Now Fred, remember your blood pressure, remember your cholesterol, remember the Alamo! [Fred releases the tree, shooting Barney into the air]

Betty Rubble:
[after using judo on Fred] Help Barney! Call the police!

Fred Flintstone:
[to the audience] She needs the police?

The Prowler:
[seeing Barney help Fred, whose dressed like a prowler, through a window] How do you like that? I never get that kind of co-operation when I rob a house.

Barney Rubble:
At least I don't have to hide under the bed if the prowler shows up!

Fred Flintstone:
Who said I did?

Barney Rubble:
Wilma told Betty.

Fred Flintstone:
She heard a noise and tried to get under the bed.

Barney Rubble:
And she couldn't. You were there first.

Fred Flintstone:
All right funny man, I'll prove to you you're wasting your money. Tonight, after you go to sleep, I'll sneak in dressed as a prowler. Then what'll you think your wife will do.

Barney Rubble:
She'll say 'hello Fred. Why steal it. Just borrow it as usual'.

Betty Rubble:
[on the phone with Wilma] So what did you do this time? Lesson number 5? [laughs]

Barney Rubble:
Oh boy. Poor Fred.

Betty Rubble:
I wish he'd come back here again. I like the practice.

Wilma Flintstone:
If Fred still wants to play prowler, I'll go along with the gag. Might as well play it to the hilt. [screams and unnerves the prowler]

Fred Flintstone:
[outside] If it is, I better notify his next of kin.

The Prowler:
[through the window] Hey buster. Call the cops! [Wilma drags him in and throws him around the house again]

Fred Flintstone:
Now ain't that a kick in the head!

Wilma Flintstone:
One thing about judo, you take a polite beating.

Wilma Flintstone:
[after Betty is thrown by her judo teacher] Does it hurt?

Betty Rubble:
Only when I'm sitting. What hurts more is that I paid for ten lessons.

Professor Rockimoto:
Oh that for sure. That for very very dang sure. [laughs]

Betty Rubble:
There's nothing to it. I get a stranglehold on your sleeve and throw you onto that pile of pillows over there.

Wilma Flintstone:
You mean that itty bitty pile way over there? Fred isn't going to like this.

Betty Rubble:
Relax, he won't care. You're getting my lessons for free.

Wilma Flintstone:
I don't think I'm gonna like it either.

Wilma Flintstone:
Stony Curtis! [pulling her facial mask] STONY CURTIS!

Betty Rubble:
[screaming] STONY CURTIS!

Dino Snorkasaurus:
How are ya? Glad to see ya! Please go right ahead, don't mind little old me. We're drawing a Snorkasaurus aren't we? Yes we are, love it, love it, love it! But we are making mistakes, aren't we? Allow me sir, eh? Thank you. As I remember, a snorkasaurus is a handsome animal. Regal head. More shape to the neck. Well-proportioned body. And ah yes, the feet. Large but neat. And there we are. The snorkasaurus! Oh. Oh. I am such a forgetful dunce! One more thing. A snork makes a melodious sound, like so. Snork! Snork! You've been grand. Grand. No, no. Don't get up. I'll find my way out. Have fun. Snork!

Fred Flintstone:
And for the coup de grace, you tap him with this little club like this. And there you have it, your snork is in the bag.

Dino Snorkasaurus:
And you might be left holding it chum.

Fred Flintstone:
What's a snorka snorkasaurus look like? I wouldn't know one if I saw it.

Barney Rubble:
Look Barney my boy, I will draw you a picture. First, the head's kind of fat like.

Dino Snorkasaurus:
Look who's talking about a fat head!

Police Officer:
[Writing up Fred on traffic violations after he called the cop to investigate a trailer obstructing traffic, not realizing that is it is his own trailer that broke free] Faulty Trailer Hitch, Obstructing Traffic, Creating A Hazard. What's your name?

Fred Flintstone:
Flintstone.

Police Officer:
How do you spell it?

Fred Flintstone:
[Wincing at his own stupidity] F-A-T-H-E-A-D.

Barney Rubble:
Can I ask you something, Fred?

Fred Flintstone:
Make it good, because it's the last time I'm speaking to you.

Barney Rubble:
Why did you drink my car polish?

Fred Flintstone:
Car polish! Barney, do something!

Barney Rubble:
I'll get a chamois!

Barney Rubble:
The last bus for the track leaves in an hour. I'll go down and bet the money.

Fred Flintstone:
What do you know about betting at the track.

Barney Rubble:
I saw it on a TV show once.

Doctor:
[repeated line]

Doctor:
I saw it on a tv show once.

Barney Rubble:
The last bus for the track leaves in an hour. I'll go down and bet the money.

Fred Flintstone:
What do you know about betting at the track.

Barney Rubble:
[imitating the doctor] I saw it on a tv show once.

Barney Rubble:
Why should I fill the pool for that hippopotamus next door?

Betty Rubble:
Because the wife of that hippopotamus next door happens to be my best friend, that's why.

Wilma Flintstone:
[cut to Fred and Wilma] The fence comes down because the wife of that little sawed off runt happens to be my best friend.

Betty Rubble:
[on the phone with Wilma] They haven't spoken to each other for five days. I'm sick and tired of it. I told him to go right over and make up with Fred.

Wilma Flintstone:
What did he say?

Betty Rubble:
He absolutely refused. So I said to him "I'm going to invite my mother to come visit for a few weeks if you don't".

Wilma Flintstone:
Really? What'd he say to that?

Barney Rubble:
[poking his head in the door] Hiya Wilma!

Fred Flintstone:
Who is your busom buddy, close friend, and lifelong pal?

Barney Rubble:
How many guesses do I get?

Fred Flintstone:
Oh, boy, how terrible can you get food?

Pearl Slaghoople:
What's the matter sonny, don't you like the breakfast I cooked for ya?

Fred Flintstone:
I seem to have lost my appetite. What is this stuff, anyway?

Pearl Slaghoople:
[gets in his face] Health food, sonny. Just what the doctor ordered.

Fred Flintstone:
Then let the doctor eat it!