The Star

Bo:
Donkey kick!

Bo:
Mary, you're in danger! You need to listen to what I'm about to say extremely carefully. [braying]

Bo:
[to Dave] You jump out and create a distraction.

Bo:
[to Thaddeus and Rufus] You wanna get to my friends, you're gonna have to get past me first.

Dave:
You lead the way, and wherever you go, your best friend, Dave, will be right behind you.

Dave:
Seriously? We're doing this?

Dave:
Wait a second, are they eating chicken? Ladies, run!

Dave:
I'm gonna go find someone to poop on.

Ruth:
Sheep are usually good at following but I will do my best.

Ruth:
Told ya it was important.

Ruth:
Excellent climbing form, Bo! Be the wedge!

Abby:
The angel said that the child would be the new king!

Abby:
Ho! I am not a rat, I'm a pygmy jerboa.

Thaddeus:
You've been telling your story to every critter in Galilee. Now it's our turn to hear it...from the beginning.

Thaddeus:
Keep talking.

Thaddeus:
But, Rufus, if we had eaten him, he would never had led us here. [to Bo] We've been meaning to thank you. Now, be a good little donkey and run along. You served your purpose.

Thaddeus:
We have to try.

Rufus:
[to Abby] Nice story, rat! Here's how it ends! [puts Abby in his mouth] The end.

Rufus:
That's her scent. Now we just gotta figure out which way she went.

Rufus:
Thaddeus, you think I'm bad at being bad?

Rufus:
[growls] We should've eaten him the first time we met him.

Rufus:
[sighs] We're bad dogs.

Rufus:
Thaddeus, are we good dogs now?

Cyrus:
I expected a left turn two deserts ago.

Cyrus:
Hide, quickly.

Cyrus:
Okay, that was sinister.

Cyrus:
In most cultures, a king is set apart from the plebeians with an ornamental headdress.

Cyrus:
[to Felix] You had it right as well. It is a birthday party. Literally. It's the day of his birth.

Deborah:
King Herod is up to something, and we are gonna find out what.

Deborah:
I told you.

Deborah:
They wear hats.

Deborah:
You know, I think people are gonna remember this night. What happened here around this manger will celebrated for thousands of years. Families will come together and exchange presents and sing carols all to remember the grace of this moment that we are witnessing right now.

Felix:
These wise guys are lost.

Felix:
That's it! I'm biting through their reins.

Felix:
Deborah, are you okay? How many hooves am I holding up?

Felix:
They're coming for you, Your Majesty! Run for your life! Run like the wind!

Felix:
[to Cyrus] After all that, it is a baby shower. You were right the whole time.

Felix:
[to Thaddeus and Rufus] LOOK WITH YOUR EYES!

Zach:
There's a really realistic vision of a donkey who's talking to God and he won't stop eyeballing you!

Zach:
What? What's wrong with my eyes?

Zach:
I'm gonna chew him free.

Zach:
[with his tongue sticking out with splinters on it] I think I got a splinter in my tongue.

Edith:
They're not usually like this. You caught us at a bad time.

Edith:
No sleep at all since that giant night light turned on.

Edith:
Step aside.

Edith:
Great. Now we'll never sleep.

Leah:
We haven't slept in nine months.

Leah:
Sorry. So excited. [to Bo] Zach and Edith don't like the spotlight, but I think it's beautiful.

Angel:
Fear not, for you have been favored by God to conceive and bear a son.

Mary:
A... A son? But...how?

Angel:
The Holy Spirit will overshadow you, and the child will be called the Son of God, for nothing is impossible with God.

Mary:
Thank you. Do I say "thank you"? I mean, yes, let it be done, just as you say.

Dave:
Oh! There you are! I am so glad you're okay. Do you know how much flying around I have done looking for you? I thought that maybe the miller caught you and was gonna eat you.

Bo:
Eat me? Yeah, I don't think he was gonna do that.

Dave:
You don't know?! He had crazy in his eyes! So keep it down. He's still out there someplace.

Bo:
Do you think he heard?

Dave:
Nah, I think we're good here. This is the last place he'd check. Nothing special ever happens in an old shack like this.

Felix:
[struggles to get back up on his feet] Hang on! Cyrus! Deborah! C'mon guys! Wait up!

Cyrus:
I expected a left turn 2 deserts ago.

Felix:
[offscreen] I'm dyin' back here!

Deborah:
I can't believe we passed that last oasis. I'm gettin' thirsty.

Felix:
Lost! [cries] These wise guys are lost.

Deborah:
Wisemen don't get lost, Felix.

Felix:
So you're sayin' they know where this birthday party is?

Cyrus:
And what makes you so certain it's a birthday party?

Deborah:
Oh, here we go.

Felix:
Have you seen the presents these guys are bringing? Gold, myrrh, frankincense?

Cyrus:
Could be a baby shower. You bring gifts to a baby shower.

Felix:
"Baby shower"? What's a baby gonna do with frankincense, silly camel? It's a birthday party.

Cyrus:
Mmm, baby shower.

Felix:
Birthday party.

Cyrus:
Baby shower.

Felix:
Birthday party.

Cyrus:
Baby shower.

Felix:
BIRTHDAY PARTY!

Deborah:
[sighs] What if it's not a party at all? What if we're on our way to do something important, like, I dunno, meeting the Son of God?

[the music stops abruptly]

Felix:
Uh-oh. Deborah's crazier than a box o' rocks.

Cyrus:
I believe the expression is "dumb as a box of rocks".

Felix:
You ever shake a box o' rocks? They sound crazy!

[the music resumes]

Abby:
The room was filled with magical light. And then the angel said that the child will be the new king! [the crowd of mice and pigeons oohs and ahs] Oh, and I thought: "I'm not ready to be a mom!", [referring to Mary] but then I realized the angel was talking to the lady. [the crowd runs away in fright] No, wait! I'm not done! That's usually everyone's favorite part.

[Rufus appears behind the wagon wheel, Abby tries to run away but he grabs her by the tail]

Rufus:
Nice story, rat! Here's how it ends! [eats Abby] The end.

Thaddeus:
Rufus, spit it out. We need that rat to talk.

Abby:
[pops out of Rufus's mouth] Ho! I'm not a rat. I'm a pygmy jerboa.

Rufus:
What's a jerboa?

Abby:
It is in the rodent family, but an entirely different species. [Rufus sucks her back in]

Thaddeus:
Rufus, enough. Spit it out!

Rufus:
Aw, I was just starting to get a little bit of the flavor! [spits Abby out]

Thaddeus:
You've been telling this story to every critter in Galilee. Now it's our turn to hear it...from the beginning.

Abby:
[gulps] From the...beginning? Okay. Uh, well... [laughs nervously] I was born in a sack of barley somewhere in Capernaum...

Rufus:
[interrupts Abby] Ah, skip to the end! Who's the woman?!

Abby:
Her name is Mary. She lives in Nazareth. But please don't hurt her, she's really nice.

Thaddeus:
Don't worry, we're harmless. [attempts to eat Abby]

Rufus:
Hey! That's mine! [jumps on Thaddeus and also attempts to eat Abby]

[the Hunter grabs Abby by the tail, then drops her to the ground]

Abby:
[gets up] Oh no. MARY...!

Ruth:
Have you, uh, ever been to Bethlehem before?

Bo:
We've never been anywhere before.

Ruth:
Oh, well, you're in for a treat. The Samaritan Mountains are beautiful this time of year. Deadly steep but great views.

Bo:
You've been to Bethlehem?

Ruth:
Are you kidding? [jumps down from the rock] I grew up around here. I know all the ins and outs, how to avoid predators and treacherous high cliffs.

Dave:
[laughing nervously] The treacherous...cliffs. [whispers to Bo] You're not really considering this, are you?

Bo:
C'mon, Ruth, lead the way.

Ruth:
Oh, sheep are usually better at following, bit I will do my best. Let's go, flock!

Dave:
[sarcastically] Yippee.

Mary:
Joseph...

Joseph:
No, no. I do not want that donkey near you or the baby. [puts down cart, then shoos Bo away] Go! Get outta here!

Mary:
Joseph, it's fine.

Joseph:
Fine? Mary, this is not going well, alright? I just promised 4 people I'd repair the carts that he smashed!

Dave:
Yeah, tryna save her life.

Ruth:
Maybe if you pulled the cart, Joseph would want you to stay.

Joseph:
No, he's just too much to deal with.

Mary:
He's just a donkey.

Joseph:
"Just a donkey"? Yeah, he is. Just a good-for-nothing donkey that has only ever brought us trouble.

Bo:
[feels ashamed and walks away] C'mon, Dave. Let's go.

Dave:
[lands on Bo's back] Where are we going?

Bo:
Where do you think? To join the Royal Caravan. Where we'll finally do something important.

Ruth:
[hesitates to choose who to follow, then tries to convince Bo] Hey, Bo, wait a minute. What about the star? It means something. You said so yourself.

Bo:
You follow the star. I'm done with that.

Ruth:
But what about our tiny flock? [laughs nervously] Flocks stick together.

Bo:
We're not a flock! I never shoulda followed you. [walks away in frustration]

Bo:
[his ears move up, he hears the bells of the Royal Caravan ringing, he guts up on his feet] Is that the Royal Caravan?

Dave:
I can see them!

[Bo runs up the sand dune, he and Dave see the Royal Caravan]

Bo:
Whoa! [he runs toward the Royal Caravan, but notices the strip of cloth flying from his leg and rethinks for a moment]

Dave:
Royal Caravan-van-van-van! The Royal Caravan! Whoo-hoo!

Bo:
Dave? I don't think I can go with you.

Dave:
Of course you can. Whaddaya mean?

Bo:
Look, um... I-I know we've always talked about joining the Royal Caravan, being a part of something important. But...now that we're here, I don't think this is it. Y'know, Mary may not be big and royal, but...she's important. She's important to me. I know this was our dream, and even though I can't come, I think you should go. Say hi to the horses for me.

Dave:
[pause] Oh, c'mon.

Bo:
No, really, I mean it.

Dave:
Bo, yes, you're right. The Royal Caravan was our dream. [turns to Bo] But the best part was that it was gonna be us. [flies to land on Bo's back] If all I wanted was to flap around a bunch of fancy wagons, I could've gone and done that a long time ago. I mean, I can fly, y'know? You realize that?

Bo:
Yeah. I guess so.

Dave:
Look, you lead the way, and wherever you go, your best friend Dave will be right behind you.

Bo:
[he and Dave look back at the Royal Caravan one last time] You ready? [they both follow the Star again]

Felix:
So this is "Beth-le-ham"?

Cyrus:
It is pronounced "Beth-le-hem".

Felix:
That's what I said, "Beth-le-ham".

Cyrus:
"Hem". Ah-heh-hem, as if you're clearing your throat.

Deborah:
Boys...

Felix:
That's what I been sayin'. You need to get your ears checked.

Deborah:
Boys, focus. The new king's in danger.

Felix:
Right. Let's go find him.

[the camels struggle to wander when they find out they're tied up]

Cyrus:
They secured our restraints!

Felix:
Yeah, and they tied us up too!

Deborah:
We have to find the new king.

Cyrus:
Wise men indeed.

Deborah:
Okay, okay, think. What do kings look like?

Cyrus:
In most cultures, a king is set apart from the plebeians with ornamental headdress.

Felix:
An ornamel what?

Deborah:
They wear hats.

Felix:
[spots a man wearing a hat] Ooh? [starts shouting] They're comin' for you, your Majesty! Run for your life! [the man runs away] Run like the wind!

Deborah:
Will you cut that out? We'll never find him tied up here. We have to go out and search.

Felix:
That's it! I'm biting through the reins!

Cyrus:
[stops Felix] Ah! Don't you dare! That is fine Corinthian leather. Do you have any idea how much that cost?

Felix:
Are you kiddin' me?

Deborah:
No, he's right.

Felix:
Ah... [drops reins]

Cyrus:
Well, we'll have to untie these knots ourselves. Just follow my instructions. First, Felix, we'll need you in the middle. Deborah, on the left.

[the camels begin struggling to get themselves untied]

Felix:
Ooh, excuse me. Pardon me.

Deborah:
No, over.

Cyrus:
Lemme...move.

Felix:
Would you move?

Deborah:
The other way!

Felix:
Sorry about that. Sorry. My bad.

Cyrus:
I got it.

Deborah:
No, around.

Cyrus:
No, the other... [jumps and spins] The other left.

Felix:
STOP! Will you stop pinchin' me?

Bo:
[whispering in excitement] Guys, I carried a king on my back!

Abby:
Everybody, everybody, listen up! There's this huge guy with 2 dogs coming after Mary, and of we don't do something now, then the baby's not gonna... [the baby coos] Oh. Looks like... Looks like you guys handled it. Sweet. [hops on Deborah's head] This seat taken?

Zach:
[showcasing the manger] It's not much, but there's plenty of light.