The Super Hero Squad Show

Scarlet Witch:
An alternate universe and time. Why couldn't I wake up somewhere hip like 1973 England? Fighting crime and listening to David Bowie?

Thor:
Eh, David who now?

Scarlet Witch:
[to Captain Doom] Have you got another dimensional hole in your head?

Mayor of Super Hero Town:
[giving the grand tour of Super Hero Town] Over there the Baxters are building... a building. Over yonder, we're putting a school for gifted youngsters. Over there, a mansion for meetings.

Ms. Marvel:
Assembling.

Mayor of Super Hero Town:
And that concludes the tour.

Ms. Marvel:
When we find the Dark Surfer, we'll pay him back. In the currency of smack down!

M.O.D.O.K.:
Ooh, ooh! She said 'That's what you think' and then she looked away from the camera and made the 'I'm pretending to be on your side but I'm secretly not helping you' look.

Captain Doom:
Oh, jealousy doesn't suit you, M.O.D.O.K. Come! We have work to do.

M.O.D.O.K.:
Are you kidding me? I'm the only person that saw that?

Mayor of Super Hero City:
Firefighters, as your Mayor I must inform you I was using this section of the Great Wall to store packing material, it's... uh... it's very flammable... oh, it's... what do you call that stuff? Uh... Excelsior!

Iron Fist:
Cheer up, my giant green friend. You got MVP.

Hulk:
Hulk got MVP? Oh, call doctor. Hulk has MVP! No!

Iron Man:
[to Brynnie] How about if Uncle Iron Man makes you a pretty new tiara? Like the one Luke Cage wears.

Luke Cage:
It's a headband.

Iron Man:
It's a tiara. We've all discussed it.

Luke Cage:
[Captain America has just saved the mayor's life] Way to go! Major props. Major props.

Falcon:
No, [snickers] Captain America.

Misty Knight:
I didn't come here to make cracks. Except in those super villains skulls.

Iron Man:
This is why I don't wanna have any iron kids.

Brynnie Bratton:
You smell bad.

Abomination:
[chuckles] Thank you.

Reptil:
Wow! She's going nuclear.

Iron Man:
No, she's overloading the fractal with bratty emotion.

M.O.D.O.K.:
This is big trouble.

Reptil:
How big?

Iron Man:
Infinitely big. It's an Infinity fractal. It'll wipe out six dimensions.

Melter:
[turns to Ms. Marvel when the world seems on the brink of destruction] I always loved you. [she knocks him out cold]

Iron Man:
Galactus? I thought the Silver Surfer put him on a diet. Low carbs, no inhabited planets...

Iron Man:
Now don't start backing up out of your peace treaty with the Kree, that thing took us two episodes.

Thor:
[searching space for the Silver Surver] Ugh, 'Tis like searching for a silver needle in a haystack. A haystack made of space.

Thor:
Mayhap some mishap hath befallen our starchiest of alleys.

Scarlet Witch:
Sorry, Goldilocks, that oldey timey talks shoots rights past me.

Ronan the Accuser:
Your little disintegrator sword is useless against my Universal Weapon.

Silver Surfer:
Do not talk smack about my Infinity Sword, it is superior!

Princess Anelle:
Here comes the devourer of worlds, Iron Man. Your plan?

Iron Man:
Have you got any other planets shaped like food?

Princess Anelle:
That's it? That's your plan?

Hulk:
No one eat Dulk! Not even purple man who look like slot-machine!

Hulk:
No one put Ducky in the corner.

Falcon:
[to Hulk] You've gone from smelly to stinky to the world's mightiest stank.

Scarlet Witch:
Yeah, you make Abomination smell fresh as a daisy.

Hulk:
Ooh, Hulk smell like tree.

Scarlet Witch:
Yeah, a tree in a dog park.

Galactus:
I'm so famished. I need a nice, planetary snack. Something Skrully, with just a hint of oregano.

Falcon:
Look down there, Hulk.

Hulk:
Whoa, monster's not puny. Now only bird puny!

Falcon:
Hey, hey, I'm 5'11", okay?

Dr. Doom:
Abomination! Open a window!

Wolverine:
Don't call me Wolvie!

Iron Man:
Time to play Whack-a-mole!

Falcon:
Seems to me like Lava Lab 2 is no improvement over Lava Lab 1.

Iron Man:
Uhh, a little bit. Lava Lab 1 melted.

Ms. Marvel:
You are not cleared to move the Hellicarrier!

Falcon:
Hold on, Ms. M. The Squad doesn't work for you. You're not my boss. Just my landlady.

Ms. Marvel:
[furious] Oh, really? Well!

[Fin Fang Foom falls on top of him and passes gas]

Mole Man:
That wasn't me.

Iron Man:
The Starkutron 3000. It calculates thousands of variables.

Hulk:
Hulk don't understand.

Thor:
So say we all.

Iron Man:
Sonar, heat scans and flatulence detectors all point to Mole Man.

Falcon:
Guys, I'm gonna make this right. Mole-A-free-hole-A shouldn't have gotten that fractal from us.

Ms. Marvel:
Meet your new space navigator.

Iron Man:
H.E.R.B.I.E., the Fantastic Four's cute yet comedic robot?

H.E.R.B.I.E.:
No, H.E.R.B.I.E., the singing cowboy. Want to see a rope trick?

Iron Man:
Good luck, Thor

Thor:
[downtrodden] Verily.

Thanos:
At last. The lost treasure of Ipsilaptis. And most of all, the Infinity Gauntlet! Some assembly required. [picks it up] Heh heh. Soon the whole universe will be my plaything. And I don't take very good care of my toys. [laughs]

Wrecker:
What are you, deficient or something? We trusted yez on that Infinity Sword job, and you cheated us!

Thunderball:
[pulling his chain] Yeah, after we trusted you.

Dr. Doom:
Well, obviously I can't cheat you before you trust me.

Thunderball:
I never thought of that.

Super-Skrull:
Have you forgotten that the Super Skrull has all the power of Earth's Fantastic Four?

Hulk:
Hulk not remember what Hulk forgot.

Captain America:
[to Doctor Doom] Look on the bright side. Now you'll only be serving ten life sentences.

Scarlet Witch:
My hex has magnetized you that time. Daddy would be so proud.

Iron Man:
If anybody gets hurt, the war is back on.

Ms. Marvel:
Sweetie!

Captain Marvel:
Nice to see you too, Bunnyfeet.

Iron Man:
Well, back together for good.

Hulk:
Huh? It not last mission?

Iron Man:
It never last mission.

Iron Man:
And is everybody done nodding?

Hulk:
Hulk love ice cream. Hulk also loves smashing! And sunsets, and smashing! And kittycats, and smashing.

Falcon:
Check it out, Hulk is smashing the city like all the other times, he wasn't really trying.

Thanos:
I, Thanos, who fears nothing, except a certain children's board game, will create anarchy by using frightful nightmares as my ultimate weapon.

[laughs, takes a sips from his beverage and burps loudly]

Iron Man:
Hey, hey, hey, what's the big thing, Thing?

Hulk:
[Hulk is posing like Rodin's Thinker] Hm. There too much fighting in world, talking rock.

Thing:
Says you!

Wolverine:
Oh, no, my sideburns have a mind of their own! That's what ya get for going for the Asimov Look.

Wolverine:
[to Nightmare] We don't make bargains with lowlife like...

Iron Man:
[interrupting] Quiet, Wolverine, I'm bargaining. We'll sign you up for the Cheese of the Month Club for an entire year.

Thor:
Verily!

[whips out a plate of cheese]

Thor:
You won't know good until you've savored their Gouda. Or perhaps Emmentaler?

Thanos:
Oh, boy, I'll just set the old Infinity Gauntlet to record, and watch the rest of this later. Anarchy and chaos, baby, good stuff.

Thanos:
Oh, no, the dark chocolate geyser!

Iron Man:
So what's it gonna be, Thanos? You either drop the Hulk offa the Dream Team permanently...

Wolverine:
Or we spend a couple of eons playing Sugar World.

Thor:
What, ho, let roll the snicker-doodle dice of your nightmares now!

Thanos:
Yeah, yeah, yeah, whatev. You may win today, but some d...

[Nightmare snaps his finger and Thanos disappears]

Nightmare:
Bad guy. Always with the talking.

Mr. Fantastic:
The anti-matter coil isn't reacting to the ion exchangers to polarization.

Ms. Marvel:
How much longer?

Mr. Fantastic:
I'm guessing it'll be ready toward the end of the episode.

Iron Man:
We're gonna get a new Hellicarrier, and then we're gonna hero up like we have never heroed up before.

Iron Man:
Hey, is it me, or did somebody superheat ions to excite a vibranium dish, thereby forming an interdimensional portal?

Ms. Marvel:
Bingo!

Hulk:
Eh, what that mean?

Iron Man:
It mean: friends fixed what Dark Shiny did to us.

Hulk:
No, what Bingo mean?

Sentinel:
Alert. One unidentified hero and one assistant. Or possibly a talking parking meter. This unit will apprehend the obviously weaker unit.

Falcon:
Hey!

Old Magneto:
We need to fraptazzle before the eh, the eh... Sentinal comes back with eh... reinforcements. Fraptazzle... means skedaddle. Vamoose. High tail it?

H.E.R.B.I.E.:
My universal translator must not be working.

Old Magneto:
We need to run away!

Falcon:
No way, it can't be. You? Reptil?

The Man:
You were expecting maybe Squirrel Girl?

H.E.R.B.I.E.:
Oops, I left the caps lock on!

Falcon:
What is wrong with the future? I thought the future was going to be flying cars. Not vacuum cleaners with spinning blades of death.

Old Magneto:
That's nothing. You should see the flying cars with the spinning blades of death.

Falcon:
Wanda, you don't know me, but forty years ago, in another dimension, we were friends.

Scarlet Empress:
Yeah, that's what they all say.

Captain America:
We have to face the very real possibility that we're going to fight the Dark Surfer, without the Super Hero Squad. Anyone want gum?

H.E.R.B.I.E.:
[wearing a Sentinel mask] I am sentinel Omega 5. These are my prisoners. Prison block transfer for cell block AA-23.

Falcon:
Magneto?

Old Magneto:
You were expecting maybe Squirrel Girl?

M.O.D.O.K.:
Now Squaddies, say good night.

Abomination:
Psst. It's daytime.

Mystique:
[as Iron Man] For the record, I love Italian food.

Iron Man:
Too bad. All you're going to get is jailhouse spaghetti.

Captain America:
She checks out. Natasha Romanoff aka The Black Widow. Freelance agent of S.H.I.E.L.D. We've worked with her before.

Iron Man:
Welcome aboard. Russian, huh?

Black Widow:
Yes, darling.

Iron Man:
Can you do me a favor and say "moose and squirrel"?

Black Widow:
No.

Hulk:
[notices Thor, Falcon and Iron Man looking romantically at Black Widow] Hey, why everybody looking at girl like that?

Silver Surfer:
My comrades behave like they've never seen a female of their species.

Black Widow:
I'm used to it, darling. Happens all the time. I suppose it is something like, how you say, my super power.

Dr. Doom:
Report!

Black Widow:
I have soo much chocolate candy, darling. Do you think eat the caramel or devour the coconut?

Dr. Doom:
What kind of nonsense question is this? The caramel of course. Coconuts displeases me.

Black Widow:
Everything is going according to plan, they suspect nothing.

Dr. Doom:
Well why should they? You are an agent of S.H.I.E.L.D., they have no idea the earlier battle was a ruse staged to fool them into trusting you. Ugh, I despise having to talk to do-gooder heroes! [Black Widow morphs into Mystique] Much better, Mystique. Now go and gather information, report what you find, and do not fail me.

Mystique:
You don't have to order me around!

[Mystique morphs back into Black Widow]

Black Widow:
The pleasure is all mine, darling.

M.O.D.O.K.:
[to Screaming Mimi] You know, Screaming - can I call you Screaming? I heard from a friend of a friend of a cousin of a friend that Iron Man once said your voice reminds him of fingernails on a chalkboard over a loudspeaker during a train wreck. Iron Man said that, can you believe it?

Thor:
Oh, by Odin's smelly sweatsocks!

Iron Man:
I couldn't help but notice that you have a mouth. Do you like Italian food? Cause I know a place... a romantic table, you, me, no beavers?

Black Widow:
Ugh!

Wolverine:
Let me tell you a secret, kid.

Falcon:
[actually Mystique in disguise] Secret? Yes, tell me, what's the secret?

Wolverine:
Never fall for the pretty super hero. [snikts one claw] Super heroes... [snikts the second] super villains... [snikts the third] and back up dancers. In that order.

Iron Man:
Ah, scanners are clear, weathers great, everything's quiet, guess that means something awful's gonna happen, huh?

Black Widow:
[thinking] You have no idea. Hm!

Captain America:
Golly gee, microwaves are truly a modern miracle.

Iron Man:
Whoo, finally. Last checkpoint. All the fractals are here. Eh, Black Widow, you stand guard, I'll make the deposit.

Black Widow:
Nothing will go wrong on my watch. [laughs sinisterly as Iron Man moves into the vault]

Mystique:
And by nothing, I mean everything. [shifts into Captain America's shape]

Captain America:
[repelling Screaming Mimi's voice with his mighty shield] Ah, for apple pie!

M.O.D.O.K.:
Klaw! Turn the star spangled one's brains into sonic sauerkraut. Hey, no offence.

Captain America:
[after knocking down M.O.D.O.K. with his shield] You know what, M.O.D.O.K.? You actually are smarter than they say.

M.O.D.O.K.:
Hey, Cap called me smart. Could you say that loud enough for Dr. Doom to hear?

Captain America:
Someone's taken remote control of the remote control and is controlling it remotely.

Annihilus:
I am the destroyer of life. The living doom that walks. Ruler of the Negative Zone. I... am... Annihilus!

Iron Man:
[after hearing Reed Richards is having relationship problems] Been there, dude. Not with Sue Storm... any more.

Captain America:
Fortunately I subscribe to Reed's weekly Podcast. This one is about the Negative Zone.

Iron Man:
Oh, I sense gratuitous exposition. My favorite kind.

H.E.R.B.I.E.:
Wolverine? I thought you went with the others.

Wolverine:
Oh right, to an amusement park? Uhuh . I don't do amusement. I was just in here grooming my sideburns and straightening my back hair until you came in.

H.E.R.B.I.E.:
Then the lawyers got involved. [whirs] Next thing, I'm in the Fantastic Four.

Human Torch:
I heard it was because they thought kids would try to imitate the Human Torch.

H.E.R.B.I.E.:
Brrrr. Urban legend. Kids are too smart. They're not going to do something just 'cause they see the Human Torch doing it on television. [chirps]

Human Torch:
[cut to the Human Torch on his cellphone] I would look good with an earring on my butt. Oh, here, let me give you my credit card number.

Iron Man:
[meeting Nebula] So, do you live in the Negative Zone? This is Falcon. He lives with a bird. I'm Iron Man. I'm single.

Nebula:
Idiot.

Iron Man:
[to Annihilus] Not so fast, Negative Nancy.

H.E.R.B.I.E.:
Error. Flagship should have exploded. Unless they use the metric system.

[the ship explodes]

Wolverine:
Yes! Even in the Negative Zone they use the metric system. Really, it's the only sensible system of...

[the others ignore him and walk away]

Wolverine:
You guys, don't think this is over. Centimeter by centimeter, some day you'll all be just like Canada and use the metric system. Mark my words!

Iron Man:
Ahead warp factor four, Mister H.E.R.B.I.E., take us home.

Thanos:
See you later, Super Loser Squad.

[uses the Space Stone to teleport]

Iron Man:
[determined] It's a date, Thanos!

Dr. Strange:
Hmm, I could arrange for you to be bitten by a werewolf. If you survive, you'd have wolf powers once a month, and free rabies shots.

Mayor of Super Hero City:
Thanks, but no thanks, doc. But I seem to remember there was a guy who got incredible powers from being bitten by a radioactive bug.

Wolverine:
Oh, come on. You made that up.

Mayor of Super Hero City:
With great responsibility comes great power, and vice versa.

Wolverine:
[to Egghead] Your bulbous brain is scrambled, Eggie.

Hulk:
Hulk don't want new mayor. Hulk want new shirt and shoes. And kitty.

Iron Man:
Tell it to Santa Claus, Hulk.

Dr. Strange:
I'd like to help you out with your second career, Mr. May- eh... I mean, sorry, eh, what do I call you know?

Ex-Mayor of Super Hero City:
Huh, just Mr. Citizen, I guess.

Sabretooth:
You're not a Wolverine! You're a moose!

Dormammu:
An Infinity Fractal! Inside the Eye of Agamotto!

Iron Man:
So that's why the doctor's acting so, well, strangely. Even for a guy named Strange!

Iron Man:
[as an iron] Feel the power of Iron Man! On cotton setting!

Captain America:
[on viewscreen] Doctor Strange. He's one of the most powerful magicians in all the universe. He's mastered the secrets of both magical and physical energy. His powers include levitation, travel to other dimensions, transportation of matter, Bulgarian cow tipping and he's great at Sudoku.

Iron Man:
[about Doctor Strange] Eh, the doc's usually not so, eh... what's the word? Off his rocker.

Thor:
Back onto your rocker, wizard! So speaks Thor.

Dr. Strange:
The orb of Agamotto shall reveal the culprit.

Iron Man:
Eye of Aggamotto, orb of Agamotto, what was it, buy one get one free at Magic Mart?

Dr. Strange:
It is an alternate realm known as The Dark Dimension.

Iron Man:
Oh, how come it's never the Duckies and Bunnies Dimension?

Iron Man:
Dormammu and the Mindles Ones. I have all your albums. Well here's another one hit wonder. [fires repulsor rays]

Dormammu:
Knock knock...

Dr. Doom:
Who dares?

Wasp:
Can't a girl design a simple cocktail dress without some fashion vicim attacking the city?

Captain America:
Careful, every known Infinity fractal is embedded in Dormammu's colar. He's the most powerful villain in town. Hmm tough break, Doom.

Iron Man:
Think again, Doormanmu.

Dormammu:
That's Dormammu!

Iron Man:
Doctor Strange, don't you get it? There's something in your Eye.

Dormammu:
[being pulled back into the Dark Dimension] You cannot defeat the dread Dormammu! I shall return.

Falcon:
[holds a marshmallow on a stick up to Dormammu's head] Well, if you do, we'll be sure to bring more marshmallows. Because seriously, your head is on fire. Fire!

Human Torch:
Like that's weird.

Dr. Strange:
No, Falcon, leave magic to the Sorcerer Supreme!

Thor:
David Copperfield?

Iron Man:
H.E.R.B.I.E, send our destination coordinates to the Silver Surfer and have him meet us there.

H.E.R.B.I.E.:
[whirrs] I hope his mailbox isn't full again.

M.O.D.O.K.:
[referring to Thanos' pose] Ooh, nice foreshortening.

Dr. Doom:
[stammering] Y-y-you just destroyed half the galaxy! B-b-billions of s-s-star systems!

Thanos:
Yeah, but it happened so quickly I barely enjoyed it. Now you on the other hand...

Wolverine:
Let's kick that Thanos right in his heinous... butt.

Thanos:
Hey, you know the old saying 'You'll wish you were never born'? [chuckles] I just thought of this: when I get done with you, you will never have been born!

Hulk:
Oh oh, even Hulk know where this going.

Dark Surfer:
Most definitely, the Dark Surfer rules.

Dark Surfer:
I could leave you all like this, but everyone knows that just like act three always follows act two, something will come along to unfreeze you.

Dark Surfer:
Add infinity to infinity, and I can scatter the six of you across time, space and reality. You'll be out of my universe forever!

[laughs evilly]

Iron Man:
Guys, if you can hear me, remember: Squaddies don't give up, we hero up. And if you can't hear me, well, never mind.

Dr. Doom:
This is the most horrific outcome of a brilliant and nefarious plan ever. Ever!

M.O.D.O.K.:
Oh, could be worse.

Dr. Doom:
Worse? Really? What could be worse?

[Mole Man passes gas]

M.O.D.O.K.:
Ugh! That's how! My eyebrows are melting. Abomination, open a window!

Iron Man:
Scorpio, eh? Well his horoscope says he won't dig his way out next time.

Dr. Doom:
A very impressive debut for Scorpio. He certainly made the Super Hero Squad look foolish.

M.O.D.O.K.:
Was that so hard? Have you seen their outfits?

Ms. Marvel:
Why are you standing around? Start sweeping! [hands him a broom] Doesn't that fancy titanium suit of yours come with any cleaning attachments?

Iron Man:
Eh... they're in the shop?

Iron Man:
[after crashing to the ground] Why didn't I become a hairdresser?

Computer:
Armor detoxification complete.

Iron Man:
Speak for yourself. I can still smell it. Mole Man? They ought to call him Skunk Man!

Computer:
Have you tried tomato juice?

Dr. Doom:
Well, well, well! Finally we meet, Scorpio. I am...

Scorpio:
Doctor Doom, I presume.

Dr. Doom:
You presume too much.

Ms. Marvel:
Fury's activated his emergency beacon. We've got to save him.

Iron Man:
No problem. I can modify my Scorpio seeker X-1 to be my Fury Finder X-1.5, now with lemon scent.

Iron Man:
Hey, eh, you think Nick Fury would sign my armor?

Ms. Marvel:
No.

Hulk:
[after crashing into Doom's lair through the ceiling] Haha, Hulk crash!

Iron Man:
Hm, that's new.

Iron Man:
[adressing Mole Man] This is for stinking up my best Sunday armor.

Falcon:
I think Mole Man ate something dead for breakfast.

Iron Man:
[about Nick Fury] There's a word for guys like him: awesome.

Thor:
[to Ms. Marvel] We've been terribly rude. I'll bake you some appology cookies.

Thor:
By Heimdall's hairy heinquarters, I have not seen the like. Yon toast landed jam-side up. [shudders] 'Tis against the laws of both nature and breakfast.

Magneto:
[to Scarlet Witch] Well, if you're going to give me those big puppy dog eyes, what can I do?

Quicksilver:
Why not just paper-train her?

Quicksilver:
Dad's got another super-villain scheme going on with Dr. Doom.

Scarlet Witch:
He just can't get it through his helmet. We don't want to go into the family business.

Quicksilver:
I'd rather go into the world of competitive ice skating.

Scarlet Witch:
Oh, that would really chafe Dad's metal.

Iron Man:
[Reptil has hit Hulk in the face with a banana-cream pie] Hey, hey! That is not what the Stark Industries Kirby inspired High-Tech missile launcher was designed for.

Wolverine:
Every time I make shish kebab, there's an emergency!

Wolverine:
Hmmm. Somethings not right here.

Wanda:
Hm. Could it be your nose sniffing my face?

Magneto:
Hold it right there, young lady. You're not going out dressed like that!

Scarlet Witch:
But dad, it's my costume!

Abomination:
[Abomination's shoelaces are tied together] How'd that happen? I don't even wear shoes.

Scarlet Witch:
That's why it's called a probability hex, genius.

Falcon:
Stay back, Wasp, I don't want you to get hurt.

Wasp:
Me, get hurt? Please! I saved you six times just this last month. Seven if you count the time you got stuck in the bathroom.

Iron Man:
Eh, did I just lose an argument... with the Hulk?

Falcon:
Told ya.

Iron Man:
[referring to Toad] Disgusto has the home court advantage down here.

Silver Surfer:
Surfing on water. Truly an odd sensation.

Iron Man:
At least we got the Hulk's strength factor back up to off the charts. I hate to room with a giant rampaging goon who's only kinda strong.

Wolverine:
You got that right, Iron Bub.

Wolverine:
I'm the best there is at what I do, and what I do... isn't volleyball.

Thing:
Hey, move over, you big oaf. I can't get a grip.

Hulk:
Talking rock can't hold because talking rock not strong, not strong like Hulk.

Thing:
Dream on, purple pants. No one's stronger than The Thing.

Trapster:
From now on, call me The Trapster.

Abomination:
Uh, no. We'll stick to calling you Pete.

Trapster:
Okay, how about The Mean Guy Who Does Things?

M.O.D.O.K.:
Really, Pete, you brought this upon yourself. I mean, just what is a paste pot, anyways?

Hulk:
Hulk once lift whole building.

Thing:
Is that so? One time on Yancy Street, I lifted an entire city block.

Hulk:
Once Hulk pick up whole Super Hero City and shake it upside-down, just for fun!

Thing:
That never happened.

Thanos:
[holds up his gauntlet] These are called infinity gems. I've searched the galaxy for them. And I have technology that allows me to track them.

Dr. Doom:
I take it these gems are powerfull. Similar to my Infinity fractals. Only for girls...

Iron Man:
I'm not good with names but I never forget an invisible forcefield. That's the Fantastic Four!

Human Torch:
Whoohoo! You're pretty fast, Falcon, but the Human Torch is too hot to handle!

Falcon:
So tell me, Torch, are all of your catchphrases just different ways of saying how hot you are?

Human Torch:
Yeah, you'd think I'd get tired of it, but no. Whoohoo, yeah!

Thor:
By Volstagg's tiny feet!

M.O.D.O.K.:
Paste Pot Pete. Egh. That name doesn't exactly strike fear into people, Pete!

Paste Pot Pete:
Oh yeah? Well, you guys are jerks.

M.O.D.O.K.:
We're bad guys, Pete! We're supposed to be jerks, Pete!

Human Torch:
Hey, check it out, sis, I'm totally gonna knock off your high score!

Invisible Woman:
My high score? What is he talking about?

Mr. Fantastic:
I've programmed a bogus high score under your name. Johnny keeps trying to surpass it.

Invisible Woman:
You're a genius.

Mr. Fantastic:
I know.

Iron Man:
If I've said it once, I've said it a thousand times: don't mess with Earth.

Iron Man:
[hacking into the Skrull computer, Iron Man finds a Maskbook page for Skrully] What the Don Heck is this? The Skrull invation plan!

Falcon:
I found this in the lab. Now eat Alien laser cannon! [fires the device, but the Lethal Legion remain standing]

H.E.R.B.I.E.:
Not an alien laser. That's an alien flashlight. [chirps]

Falcon:
[nervous laughter] Oh boy.

Dr. Doom:
This was all about string cheeeeeeeese? None acceptable to Dr. Doom! Someone will pay for this insolence!

Iron Menace:
You are no match for Iron Menace and the powers I have amassed... amassed, will kids know what that means? Ah, well.

Silver Surfer:
[about Iron Man] I can detect odd waves of cosmic darkness coming from our leader.

Thor:
That explains the smell. Mayhap he hath a cosmic stomach ache from thine freaky cosmic food.

Silver Surfer:
Sorry, Thor. My empanadas would be better if I had taste buds.

Dr. Strange:
Say, we can call ourselves the Defenders.

Silver Surfer:
Because we're defending. Whoa, that's deep.

Dr. Strange:
Odd as it may sound, we must defend Doom and his fractals and, if we can, force Mordo back into the Dark Dimension.

Valkyrie:
Nothing sounds odd compared to Silver Surfer's recipe book.

Dr. Strange:
Dr. Doom, I have a proposition for you. Since we helped your headquarters from Iron Menace, help us defeat him.

Dr. Doom:
Really? What's in it for me?

Silver Surfer:
I know. How about a plate of fungus and ragweed burgers? Yummy in the tummy.

Dr. Doom:
I'll help only if you keep him from ever cooking again.

Dr. Strange:
Who knows what dark powers Mordo will unleash if he senses defeat? We must be vigilant.

Hulk:
We need battle cry.

Silver Surfer:
The Hulkster's right. How about "Defenders, get, um, defensive"?

Valkyrie:
'Tis pretty lame.

Hulk:
Hulk like. Hulk won't play without it.

Iron Menace:
Not only you must fight my dark powers, you must also fight your friends.

M.O.D.O.K.:
Friends? Abomination's not really my friend. We're more like cubicle mates or reluctant allies, really.

Wolverine:
Ah. Oh, man. I've got a headache the size of M.O.D.O.K.'s head.

Valkyrie:
Thou cannot leave. Dr. Strange needs that portal you opened or he'll be trapped in the Dark Dimension forever.

Dr. Doom:
Not my problem. I did what I agreed to do.

Valkyrie:
Oh, you are such a bad guy.

[Thor tries to kiss Valkyrie as she walks off and accidentally kisses Iron Man]

Thor:
Gad!

Iron Man:
Sheesh, I just got the Mordo cooties off my armor, and now I got your thunder spit.

Thor:
This never happened.

Thor:
By Odin's Rainbow Pony! What dark magic is this?

Silver Surfer:
This goes way beyond simple dissatisfaction with my cooking.

Hulk:
Hulk will be back to make you sorry, Iron... M... Meany.

Abomination:
Sleeper hold! [promptly falls asleep]

Dr. Doom:
[to Silver Surfer] Now, you spacespawn son of a spoon, I am going to pay you back for that cosmic burrito you made me eat.

Stardust:
It appears we have a Rigilian Standoff.

Iron Man:
Now let me get this straight. [hums the Super Hero Squad Show theme as he fiddles with a picture]

Ms. Marvel:
This is no time for hanging pictures, Iron Man.

Silver Surfer:
Like I said in the first act, the Earth will perish. We must evacuate.

Iron Man:
[about Galactus] Wait a minute, this guy eats whole planets?

Silver Surfer:
Of course not. He takes several bites and chews them thorougly.

Galactus:
Galactus must eat. Who cares what happens to the puny creatures that live on my food?

Galactus:
Finish prepairing the Earth. I'd like an early dinner. There is a game on at six.

Silver Surfer:
Firelord! Terrax the Tamer!

Thing:
Ok, now you're just making names up.

Captain America:
Now, now, Ms. Marvel, super heroes have saved the Earth a dozen times. Maybe even twelve.

Terrax:
You have sealed your fate.

Iron Man:
Only to keep it fresh. I hate when fate loses it's crunch.

Frigga:
[about Odin] When I think of all the millennia I've wasted on that... gigolo!

Loki:
Oh, he does tend to giggle.

Hulk:
Eh, what that on big hammer?

Hogun:
A crown. An honor to meet you, Squaddies. You've always been Hogun's heroes.

Thor:
Fare thee well, H.E.R.B.I.E... I shall miss thy girlie laugh. Goodbye, Scarlet Witch, I shall miss fighting over yon television remote with thee. Hasta la vista, Hulk, I'm sure some day thou shall find where thou buried all thy action figures.

[Hulk sobs a little]

Thor:
And I'll - Oh, there I go...

[voice cracks]

Thor:
...and I'll miss you most of all, Tin Man.

Iron Man:
It's Iron Man.

Thor:
Don't spoil my moment.

Hulk:
[crying] Hulk never see action figures again!

Enchantress:
[to Odin] I've given you the best 15 minutes of my life. Minus commercial breaks. And what do I have to show for it?

Thor:
I say thee nay!

Loki:
You're always saying thee nay, naysayer!

Thor:
I'm rubber and thou art paste. Whatever thou sayeth, bounces off of me and sticketh to thou with haste, so sayeth Thor.

Loki:
Oh, your teeth are brighter than you are.

Thor:
Ooh, you take that back you horn-helmeted toad!

Loki:
Make me.

Thor:
By Odin's mighty mustache. We mustn't harm a hair on Father's poor mind controlled head.

Scarlet Witch:
Daddy, what part of 'these are my friends' do you not understand?

Magneto:
Pretty much the whole thing.

Enchantress:
Ooh, oh. I just can't win.

Loki:
Eh, welcome to my world.

Enchantress:
Oh well, I've got three episodes of Scandinavian Idol recorded. Later.

[disappears in a cloud of magic]

Thor:
I loveth when father uses big words.

Scarlet Witch:
I don't wanna go back to being an evil intern, daddy. My home is with the Squaddies. I'm one of them now. If you need me, you'll know where I'll be.

Magneto:
Indeed. But know this: If our paths ever cross as hero and villain, I will not hold back.

Scarlet Witch:
Me neither.

Enchantress:
Can I be in your video?

Thor:
Nay, witch. Thou dost headbang like a girl. Now be gone, less thou ditract from my mighty rocking. More cowbell! Thus spoke Thor.

Thor:
Odin, my father. What brings thine enormous and disturbingly transparent head to Earth?

Odin:
Be not a doofus, child. Frigga, your mother, is concerned. Thou must meet a nice Asgardian girl and soon, or even an Olympian girl, as long as she is mythic.

Thor:
This again.

M.O.D.O.K.:
Mr. Abomination, tear down this wall.

Thor:
Hark, yo and so forth. Crankypants and Valkyrie, mind if we join you?

Thor:
Vile Villain! A waste of good Asgardian meatballs! Frozen food never tastes fresh when thawed. Hast thou never watched the cooking man shows on the jumping picture box?

Impossible Man:
[laughs] Number one rule of comedy, Hulk: always zap the cute robot.

Dr. Doom:
Abomination, M.O.D.O.K., back to Latveria, where we will plot my spin-off!

Computer:
Your superpowers are no match for my one hundred giga-mega-gigahertz of computer power.

Ms, Marvel:
[to Impossible Man] No conquering the universe, no changing our Helicarrier, no breaking the fourth wall for no good reason.

Iron Man:
Well, the universe plug that Reed Richards made is working perfectly.

Silver Surfer:
I do not trust our visitor. After all, the enemy of our friend's enemy is no friend of mine.

Iron Man:
[glances at Chthon, who chuckles wickedly] I get what you mean, sort of.

Iron Man:
So, what's your prognosis, Doctor?

Dr. Strange:
[glances at Chthon, who chuckles wickedly] He's evil.

Iron Man:
Well, we kinda figured that out, what else can you tell us about him?

Thor:
Forsooth that's a powerful lot of powerful power!

Chthon:
If only I had the Darkhold, it'd let me transport everyone.

Dr. Strange:
Ah, forget it, Chthon, that evil book is in a safe place.

Chthon:
Hey... the Darkhold! It's underneath your couch?

Dr. Strange:
Eh... it holds great power. Power enough to balance out the wobbily end of my love-seat.

Dr. Doom:
[answers his cellphone] Hello! And who dares to reach out and touch Doom?

Iron Man:
You know, that's the fourth wall we've broken.

M.O.D.O.K.:
[Coco Von Doom has been knocked out] Please have amnesia, please have amnesia, please have amnesia.

Silver Surfer:
Have I mentioned that I did not trust Chthon?

Iron Man:
Not since the commercial.

Iron Man:
We clean as we go, little Slappasaurus.

Jean Grey:
Boing! I am to-ta-ly hypnotized.

Ringmaster:
Now ransack these lockers and be quick about it!

Jean Grey:
Oh! Okay, but first we need the perfect cheer: Call me Phoenix, call me Jean, red haired mutant, prom night queen. I'll wreck you with a mental hurl if you call me Marvel Girl. Go Mutants!

Wolverine:
The Danger Room is also the cafeteria. And the Gym. And the glee-club practice room.

Reptil:
Oh, well that explains the dorky smell.

Ringmaster:
Oh, how my villainous heart rejoices at the sight of food being wasted!

Reptil:
[flanked by Colossus and Wolverine] Oh no, caught between a jock and a hard case.

Reptil:
As you can see, I live, breathe, and dream Super Heroes.

Wolverine:
Okay, now I'm scared.

Falcon:
You got Ant-Man on your wall and not me? The Texas Twister? Now I'm just hurt.

Falcon:
Let's just do this. I'm so tired I could rest in Hulk's armpit if I had too.

Hulk:
[sniffs armpit] Ew. Hulk not lemony fresh.

[the Squad bunks with the Punisher in the Battle Van]

Iron Man:
Thanks Punisher, we really appreciate this.

The Punisher:
Hmmph, we're nothing by white blood cells, hunting the infection called crime. A sickness that sneaks in through the cracks, the way brussels sprouts sneak onto a plate of delicious macaroni and cheese. Sure, the city looks safe. Just push the bruessels sprouts to one side, right? Wrong! No matter where you put them, their vile, vegetable juices corrupt the whole plate. I'm out here to keep those stinkin' sprouts off the mac & cheese! Keep them from leaving the store in the first place!

Thor:
I'm going to bloweth mighty chunks.

Thor:
Odin wept! Not... wait for it... the Santum Sanctorum!

Hulk:
Magic man must have magic can somewhere...

Wolverine:
So tired I could eat a horse. Wait, that would be hungry, wouldn't it?

Iron Man:
Wake up and smell the Doom, Squadies, the city's under attack!

Loki:
Got your nose.

Abomination:
But how will I smell?

Reptil:
Is being bird-brained part of your power?

Falcon:
No, but now I know why dinosaurs are extinct.

Silver Surfer:
Banana peels! Coffee grimes, used toilet paper! Is that correct, Thor?

Thor:
Mayhap thou should leave the trash-talking to me. Whatch Thor bring the hurt: zounds, knave, calls't you that a defence?

Thor:
[adressing Sif] By Volstagg's jiggily girth, 'tis good to see you! Prey, what brings thee to Midgard?

Reptil:
Better yet, what is Midgard?

Silver Surfer:
I believe it is Earth. Or perhaps deoderant.

Thor:
'Tis hammer time. For Odin! For Asgard!

Iron Man:
Hulk, you okay? Say a few mono-syllables, buddy!

Loki:
Thor is a baby, Thor is a baby.

[laughs]

Loki:
You con't even have a real weapon. What are you gonna do, build me a tree house with your hammer? Ooh, scary!

Thor:
Dost thou make mockery of me? Well, dost?

Loki:
Bro, seriously, when art thou gonna to stop talking like that? Ceriously, we're in the 21st century.

Thor:
I warn thee, base sibling, take it back!

Silver Surfer:
[tangled up in elastic straps] Wolverine, I am having much difficulty wearing these suspenders!

Wolverine:
Maybe it's 'cause that takes pants...

Silver Surfer:
Pants! That is it!

[begins panting heavily like a dog]

Silver Surfer:
I feel them working already!

Hulk:
Hulk love pet. Hulk name pet... uh, uh, PLANT!

Iron Man:
Good, cuz that's what it is. Now, to care for it, first you have to give your plant plenty of sun.

Hulk:
Mmm? Ya, ya, ya! [tosses plant out Helicarrier window into sunlight] Now Plant get plenty of sun!

Iron Man:
Okay. So much more green thumbs. [hands Hulk new flower] Here, your plant will also need water. [Hulk rips plumbing from floor and waters flowers] Oh...

Wolverine:
'Preciate the reassignment, Cap.

Captain America:
Oh, think nothing of it, Wolverine. You're doing me a favor. There's been an international incident, and my team could use you.

Wolverine:
Really? Who we bringin' the hurt to?

Captain America:
The South American rainforests.

Wolverine:
Uh, but... don't they usually need saving?

Captain America:
Uh, usually, but these trees attack everything in their path. I'm assembling the All Captains Squad to get to the ROOTS of the problem.

Wolverine:
Uh, hate to tell you, Captain, but I ain't no captain.

Captain America:
Well you are now. Welcome to the squad, Captain Canada! Here's your new uniform. Suit up. We'll talk at HQ.

Wolverine:
[chuckles at campy uniform] Uh, not gonna happen, Bub.

Captain America:
Right-e-o. I'll get you back to that helicarrier, A-S-A-P.

Wolverine:
Uh, wait... no, no, no, that's fine.

[snarls]

Wolverine:
[walking in new Captain Canada costume and adjusting briefs] Ugh, blasted flag pajamas ride right up!

Captain Liechtenstein:
[Wolverine/Captain Canada cuts a cord down to make himself a swing to sit on] Ach! Destruction of SHIELD property! That is against regulation PH330. It is italicized!

Wolverine:
[chuckles] You're forgetting rule #1, Bub - I don't care.

Captain Australia:
[pushes money jar across table] Right then. Cough up a buck, mate.

Captain Brazil:
[Wolverine growls and ejects claws] Don't be upset, Captain Canada. It's the no-arguing-between-Captains jar. Every time someone fights, they pay a dollar.

Wolverine:
[sighs] Somethin' tells me I better put in a twenty.

Reptil:
[after just being made a Squad member] You won't be disappointed, Iron Man. So whatcha got for me? A secret mission? An assignment behind enemy lines?

Iron Man:
Grocery shopping. We're out of cereal.

Reptil:
But that's 'cause Hulk keeps ripping apart the boxes to find the stupid toys inside.

Iron Man:
Ha, you wanna explain that to him?

Dr. Doom:
A new villain has been made known to Doom. It is vital that he is cooperative to our plans. He may be a powerful ally.

Abomination:
Yeah, like the one we're standing in.

M.O.D.O.K.:
That's an alley, idiot! Alley!

Captain Brazil:
Sonic samba!

Reptil:
Thanks, Iron Man, but how did you know we needed help?

Iron Man:
Huh? Oh, eh, no, Hulk got tired of waiting for his cereal.

Dr. Doom:
Those blasted Infinity Stones!

M.O.D.O.K.:
Yeah, those blasted stones.

Abomination:
Who needs 'em?

Dr. Doom:
Who needs them? I need them, you nitwits. The holder of the Infinity Stones controls the universe!

M.O.D.O.K.:
Yeah, that's what I said. You need them.

Dr. Doom:
You're darn skippy!

M.O.D.O.K.:
What he needs is a chill pill.

Dr. Doom:
I have been through the belly of the beast.

Abomination:
Uh, Fin Fang Foom? Moomba? Groot? Spragg the Living Hill? Hulk? Ms. Marvel?

Ms. Marvel:
Mmm. The water's so warm.

Abomination:
That's because I'm scared. So I peed.

Cynthia Von Doom:
That's enough lounging around for you two dodos. I need sixty pounds of bat guano for a special facial mask. Belfry's in the tower.

Abomination:
Uh, which way to the tower?

Cynthia Von Doom:
Upstairs!

M.O.D.O.K.:
You know who could really use a facial? The Incredible Hulk.

Abomination:
[chuckles] Ain't he unglamorous?

Cynthia Von Doom:
Chthon! Let 'er rip!

[Chthon passes gas]

Cynthia Von Doom:
Eww!

Scarlet Witch:
Gotta be a trap.

Wolverine:
You think?

Iron Man:
Okay, okay, so it's a trap. We still have to rescue Ms Marvel. And I can't remember the last mission that came with a free foot rub. Oh wait, yes I do. Hah, that Iron Fist sure knows his feet.

Cynthia 'Coco' Von Doom:
You might be a hero, dear, but you got some truly evil and nasty skin problems.

Ms. Marvel:
[giggles] I know, it's the mask. I wear it all the time.

Scarlet Witch:
[sighs] If I were still a villain, I'd want a trap just like this.

Ms. Marvel:
Nagging force too strong... still too chilled... ugh.

[passes out]

Cynthia Von Doom:
I love to kick it when I just washed my hair.

Hulk:
Hey, how come sky acting stupid? Huh, stupid sky! Only supposed to be one moon. [a beat] Or is it three?

Miek:
With your strength and my running away, we make a good team.

Hulk:
Hulk smash tomato man!

Hulk:
That's right, big sushi go home!

Unseen Announcer:
This is unbelievable! Our leader, the Red King, is going to personally destroy the Beast from the Purple Pants Dimension!

Red King:
One push of the button, and a healthy brain becomes a rotten pile of useless tissue.

[Hulk chuckles as if this has already happened to him]

Red King:
And you can't fight without a brain.

Hulk:
Hulk do it all the time!

Wolverine:
Whoa. That is one big, ugly, ominous bubble, bub.

Lil' Scarlet Witch:
I'm not it. You're it.

Lil' Iron Man:
Nuh-uh. You're it. You're name is "it." You're the Scarlet It.

Thor:
No, children, let's not do that. It's all fun and games until someone activates the self-destruct. Don't make me hurl the time-out hammer.

H.E.R.B.I.E.:
Tiny Squaddies show trace energy from another dimension. A dimension called "Limbo."

Thor:
[gasps] Limbo. The forbidden dance of bending over backward.

Dr. Doom:
The Super Hero Squad swiping my time machine?

Thor:
Swiping? Nay, borrowing.

Ms. Marvel:
Commandeering. We left a quarter on the dresser.

Dr. Doom:
You jerks!

M.O.D.O.K.:
How 'bout a little mental blast, you little food processor.

[blasts H.E.R.B.I.E]

Wolverine:
So how is it that you are so much better at this than me?

Hulk:
Babies like grown-ups. Only smaller... and dumber.

M.O.D.O.K.:
Holy high-school reunion, isn't this the best feeling when you see someone you used to go out with, and then you see how awful they look now. Not that I'm thinking of anyone in particular. My, Grandma, what big crow's feet you have.

Old Ms. Marvel:
Your patootie is mine, scuzzbucket.

Dr. Doom:
After careful consideration, I have decided to destroy you. Any last words?

Old Ms. Marvel:
Music is too loud.

Old Thor:
Cartoons were better back in my day.

Dr. Doom:
Ha! Now that's comedy.

Lil' Iron Man:
Okay, Squaddies, let's baby up.

Lil' Doctor Doom:
M.O.D.O.K.! Abomination! I want my Doom Bear!

Iron Man:
Squaddies, feast your eyes on my latest invention.

Falcon:
Squaddies, feast your eyes on my latest invention.

Iron Man:
Ah, but inside the box: datadada! A mousetrap. [the Squaddies are flabbergasted]

Scarlet Witch:
That is supposed to be a mousetrap?

Iron Man:
Not just any mousetrap, it's a Stark 1000 time-traveling mousetrap. It can go back in time and catch the mouse before it eats the cheese.

Thor:
I know not how to explain what I'm seeing, so I'm just going to shut my mouth and look surprised.

Ms. Marvel:
We've got to find a way to change these cutie pies back into Squaddie pies.

Nova:
[via hologram] Help us, Iron Man. We need you. You're our only hope.

She-Hulk:
So, Iron Man, how come you never called?

Thor:
[whistles] Awkward!

[Herbie coos at the messanger droid]

Iron Man:
Oh, yeah, I, I washed my armor and your number was in the pocket.

Iron Man:
Look, Thor, we're receiving another holograph image from Nova.

Thor:
How is that possible?

Iron Man:
It's in the script.

Thanos:
Once I have all the Inifinity stones, I will control the universe! Even New Jersey.

Nova:
YOU'LL NEVER TAKE NEW JERSEY!

Thanos:
[via hologram] Stop! Destroy one more ship, and I destroy this one kneeling before me. Heroes are so pretty when they explode. Retreat immediately if you don't want me to reshape Nova's helmet with him still in it.

Nova:
He's embellishing, don't listen to him!

Iron Man:
Stand down, Squaddies. Thanos has us between an Infinity Gauntlet and a hard place.

Iron Man:
Thor, Hercules and Thor will directly after Thanos and the Power Stone.

Hercules:
Aye, butts shall be kicked today!

Thor:
Hah! The son of Odin shall not fail thee.

Iron Man:
She-Hulk, you and I will focus on flirting and rescuing Nova.

She-Hulk:
Hm, could be fun.

Thor:
By Odin's overflowing lunch-pail, we have made entry.

Hulk:
Ugh, air smell like feet in here.

Hercules:
That is your feet, gangrene.

Iron Man:
Let's do something fast. I just had this armor polished.

Thanos:
Enough of this jibberjabber. I hate jibberjabber. I also hate broccoli. Ooh, and lima beans too.

She-Hulk:
Should we be worried?

Hercules:
I think not, asparagus-colored one.

She-Hulk:
Then we should be worried.

Thor:
By Odin's mustache! The earth has been pulled from its orbit, and 'tis colder than a sorceress' flugelhorn in a brass band.

Ms. Marvel:
Marvel's even got more cosmic power than I do, but the Surfer's a universe-beater. He's already used the Reality Stone to turn the Kree Empire in a cake and left it out in the rain.

Hulk:
But it took so long to bake it. Oh no!

Thanos:
You know, conquering is such a competitive field. I think I need a simple, stress-free gig.

Adam Warlock:
Like what? Making cartoons?

Captain Marvel:
[to Ms. Marvel] Maskypoo. Cosmic Shield.

Iron Man:
Maskypoo?

Thor:
A worthy pet name. She has a mask.

Iron Man:
Captain Marvel, can't you use your Cosmic Awareness to...

Captain Marvel:
Help defeat the Dark Surfer?

Iron Man:
Dude, do you have any idea how...

Captain Marvel:
How irritating that is? You bet.

Adam Warlock:
You can't help but marvel at the power of Captain Marvel.

Thanos:
Touch?.

Adam Warlock:
That's not what that means.

Iron Man:
Captain Marvel gave all his power to Ms. Marvel to save us. Is he...

Ms. Marvel:
No. No. My sweetie became one with the living cosmos. Now I'm the Kree Protector of the Universe. Which is kind of weird because I'm from Orlando.

Falcon:
Then we don't have much time to find the Dark Surfer.

Ms. Marvel:
[appearing on viewscreen] I found the Dark Surfer.

Iron Man:
That didn't take much time.

Ms. Marvel:
The Watcher gave me a tip.

Dark Surfer:
[on cell phone with Dormammu] Hey dude, I got like, three episodes, tops, to destroy the universe.

Wolverine:
Lady, I'm standin' in a pool of funk that would impress George Clinton.

Thor:
Beware, dark villain of water sports!

Dark Surfer:
[Dark Surfer has turned Thor into a frog] Tell me, is it easy being green?

Ka-Zar:
You called Zabu Sabretooth. What is sabretooth?

Wolverine:
I'm guessing the irony escapes you.

Ka-Zar:
Nothing escapes Ka-Zar.

Captain America:
The star quartz affects all metals, Doom. Give it here, or the world will know what kind of underpants a despot wears.

Dr. Doom:
Hah! I am wearing a metal thong.

Toad:
If Sabretooth gets a pet sabretooth, Toad should get a pet toad!

Batroc the Leaper:
And I, Batroc, want a pet bat. And a pet rock.

Silver Surfer:
Iron Man, I got your secret text message. Is this the fleeing suspect you would like me to intercept?

Iron Man:
Nice secrecy, Surfer. I was kinda hoping to surprise him.

Iron Man:
Now, now, don't get your loincloth in a twist, eh, we can always beat each other up later, eh, let's talk it out.

Hulk:
[to Ka-Zar's Pterodactyl] Ohoho, nice rooster.

Ka-Zar:
Again Ka-Zar is tormented by these crafty boxes which go empty at his touch.

Iron Man:
Come on, that box isn't even hi-def.

Ka-Zar:
Ugh.

[drops the monitor, which breaks]

Iron Man:
You break it, you bought it.

Wolverine:
Just 'cause I can heal don't mean it don't hurt!

Falcon:
Come on, Reptil, help me gather up these crooks.

Reptil:
Alright. Then, let's go watch Wolverine heal.

Iron Man:
Vibranium is scarcer than soap at the Mole Man's house.

Captain America:
Fall back, and let this shield blow freedom o'er the land. Like the gusty wind that follows a Fourth of July weenie with extra onion. [jumps] Yankee doodle dandy!

Captain America:
Let's yankee our doodles outta here!

Odin:
What else have you?

Mayor of Super Hero City:
An official Asgard comic book: Journey into Mystery, starring the mighty Odin. I'd be the writer.

Odin:
You? I didn't know you could read.

Mayor of Super Hero City:
Well, let me put it this way: if I'd written this episode, we'd all be a whole lot funnier.

Thor:
[Thor has received a new costume from Odin the All father] By Balder's sweet popcorn! Thor has need of a full length mirror.

Invisible Woman:
How insulting. I'm working in television.

Thor:
[being attacked by Stimfallion birds] Hitchcock was right!

Odin:
Ooh, ain't that a kick in the Pantheon.

Hercules:
Zeus keeps trying to relive his past glories through me. Like I wanna be Zues 2.0, the sequel, you know?

Thor:
[to Hercules] Come, it doth be go-time.

Hulk:
HULK WANT T-SHIRT!

Mayor of Super Hero City:
The good guys win again. 'Nuff said.

Thor:
Take it to the Rainbow-bridge!

Mayor of Super Hero City:
Hey. Don't put me in the little picture in the picture.

Captain America:
Iron Man, please turn in your Super Hero Squad identity card, your corporate credit card, your key to the city, and your standard issue Squaddie undies.

War Machine:
Stop talking like you're Iron Man.

Iron Man:
Stop talking like you're on Reading Rainbow.

Iron Man:
What the heck? Rhodey, is that you under there?

War Machine:
How did you know my... Hold up. If you are the real Iron Man, tell me something that only you would know.

Iron Man:
You've been dating Squirrel Girl on the down low. Okay, your turn. Prove who you are. Tell me something only Rhodey would know.

War Machine:
Uh, you once dated She-Hulk, but it ended when you discovered that she...

Iron Man:
Gentleman don't discuss those things.

Crimson Dynamo:
I am Crimson Dynamo. I am break you!

War Machine:
I'm Rhodey. I'm a Sagittarius. Don't you watch the movies? The smaller guy always wins the fight.

Crimson Dynamo:
I don't watch movies except Beaches. Bette Midler makes me...

[sniffles]

Crimson Dynamo:
Popular entertainment is for the weak. Crimson Dynamo is strong!

Mayor of Super Hero City:
Iron Man, what were you thinking? I, I mean, sure, what celebrities haven't thought about using their powers for evil? But, but, you can't actually do it.

Iron Man:
Rhodey, how are ya? And why is my best friend wearing the mark II armor?

War Machine:
Somebody had to. Since you've been leading the Super Hero Squad, I've had to cover all your other stuff. Work for Stark Industries, SHIELD, the Initiative, the Illuminati, that jelly of the month subscription that you never got around to canceling.

Iron Man:
Jelly of the month clu- you mean the jelly that's hand delivered every month by super models?

Mayor of Super Hero City:
For your heroic service and for agreeing not to sue us for slander, I rebestow this key to the city to the most breathtaking, most sensational hero of all: the invincible Forbush Man! Eh, I mean Iron Man.

Thor:
Although we're only on page two, something must turn up soon!

Captain America:
If newspapers ever totally go away, what will lie in the birdcages of America? I shudder to think.

Beta Ray Bill:
I'm the cleaning crew of the space station Scuttlebut.

Thor:
[snickers] Thou said 'scuttle'.

Beta Ray Bill:
Hey! You know how hard it is to get carbon scoring off this thing?

Thor:
Get not thy space knickers in a bind, friend Bill. How many soldiers are they?

Thor:
Ah, battle, I have missed thee so.

Thor:
Well, I don't like to brag, so you tell me what was most awesome?

Thor:
Time to kick some blast.

Thor:
[kisses his arm muscles] I have no need of mine hammer when I have mine guns. Sir Rockington and... Larry. [faces camera] I'm working on a better name. Leave me alone.

Beta Ray Bill:
Hope you're ready for a... hammer-and-cheese sandwich!

Stranger:
I'll get you, My Little Pony! You and your friend with the bleached blond hair.

Thor:
Zounds! Never knew Mjolnir could do thus. 'Tis an alternate dimension thing. Or... sloppy continuity.

Beta Ray Bill:
Lo, I shall name thee: Breaking Wind!

Thor:
A Norse is a Norse.

Beta Ray Bill:
Of course, of course.

Wolverine:
That Dark Surfer is gonna be right in a wave of butt-woopin' when I see him again!

Wolverine:
Huh? A red dinosaur? Didn't you're giant lizard momma tell ya about sunblock, dino-bub?

High Evolutionary:
I am the High Evolutionary. Greetings to you, O short, stout and unusually hairy lifeform.

Wolverine:
Eh, I've been called worse.

Mayor of Super Hero City:
Dark Surfer, what have you done?

Dark Surfer:
[sighs] I just told you. Not my fault you weren't listening.

High Evolutionary:
As a scientist, I must observe, study, learn and fix things that arbitrarily bother me. Humanoids should not be running around with dinosaurs. It's wrong.

Moon Boy:
Oh? Feels OK.

High Evolutionary:
Wrong, wrong, wrongasaurus!

Mayor of Super Hero City:
Well, I have good news, and I have bad news.

Captain America:
We already figured out the bad news. The Earth has been ripped from its orbit. We're all going to freeze. Been there, done that.

Wolverine:
Your choice, bub. Sliced, diced, or julienned?

Dark Surfer:
Actually, I ordered the soup. Soul stone!

[hits Wolverine with a beam of light]

Wolverine:
I'm all touchy-feely! Filled with rainbows and unicorns. Crying at commercials.

Dark Surfer:
Does somebody need a hug?

Wolverine:
Being touchy-feely makes me angry!

Scarlet Witch:
Listen. I know what it's like to be a villain. Except for the pool parties, it's a pretty bad gig. You were a hero once. Why don't you try being a hero again?

Dark Surfer:
Nah. My new business cards just came in.

Thor:
Fiend. I say thee goo. Open the hanger, here comes the plane.

Dark Surfer:
Ugh. I hate strained peaches.

Thor:
You'll eat it and like it.

Falcon:
[to Surfer] You may be purple, but you're about to turn black and blue.

Ronan the Accuser:
The Surfer was your responsibility, Iron Man. I, Ronan the Accuser, accuse you.

Iron Man:
Okay, okay. Yeesh. Why can't you be Ronan the Appreciative?

Scarlet Witch:
Being a hero is hard. Deal with it.

Iron Man:
All right, all right, twist my arm.

[Hulk twists his arms]

Iron Man:
Not literally, Hulk!

Scarlet Witch:
You think maybe we should go help him out?

Iron Man:
Does Sabretooth go in the woods? Yes!

Dr. Doom:
Since when can you bite with that face plate?

Iron Man:
Since I got the Stark tech upgrade. Employee discount.

Dr. Doom:
I had so much hope! I had so many plans! I'm too young to wear a one-piece orange suit. I'll say it before, and I'll say it again, my evil minions. NUTS!

Dark Surfer:
So much animal emotions. As if a million fanboys suddenly saw an iconic character... redesigned!

Thor:
'Tis a veritable rainbow of Smackdown.

Ronan the Accuser:
Smoke me a kipper, Commander, I'll be back for breakfast.

Mayor of Super Hero City:
'Nuff said, true believers.

M.O.D.O.K.:
Team Toxic, present and accounted for... Pyro, Zzzax and Glue Gun Guy.

Paste Pot Pete:
Hey! That's Paste Pot Pete, and you know it, M.O.D.O.K.

Abomination:
Hey, didn't you get fired?

Iron Man:
Are you guys crying?

Pyro:
I'm not!

Paste Pot Pete:
I am, and so is Zzzax.

Iron Man:
There's no crying in super villain land!

Wolverine:
Team Toxic, my tuchus. More like Losers Legion.

Paste Pot Pete:
Well, we may be losers, but we're sore losers!

[sets off self-destruct on Super Spinner]

Wolverine:
Oh, smooth move, glue for brains. You just melted the polar ice cap.

Paste Pot Pete:
Uh, is that good?

Wolverine:
See for your self.

[turns around and sees tidal wave]

Iron Man:
[to Dr. Doom] Look at you and your stupid metal suit. That's the dumbest looking think I've...

[realizes]

Iron Man:
What? Never mind.

Dr. Doom:
[Iron Man blasts a hole in his cape] Oh. I just had this cleaned.

Pyro:
[looking up at the Super Spinner] Ooh, well waltz my Mathilda, where'd that come from?

Iceman:
That's it! No more Mr. Ice-guy. I now proclaim this my Icey cave of being aloneness.

Iron Man:
You leave me no choice, Suzie Snowflake. I'm coming in and dragging you out.

Iceman:
Do what you got to do, I.M. I just know it's some kinda joke.

Paste Pot Pete:
In your face Iron Man! In your robot-like face! Oh boy that felt good.

Iron Man:
Are you finished?

Paste Pot Pete:
Yeah, pretty much.

Iron Man:
Good. I got these schematics from Doctor Doom.

Paste Pot Pete:
Oh, you wanted the schematics? Hah! I have a copy right here. [points to his head] Since the Super Spinner was my idea. I would've given 'em to ya right away.

Iron Man:
[to Galactus] Hey Tiny, nice hat! Hey, how many channels do you get on that thing?

Uatu:
Galactus prefers to drain life energy from a planet's creamy magma filling first and save the crunchy outer shell for last.

Reptil:
Hey, you're the Watcher, right? Another cosmic entity guy? Why don't you do something?

Uatu:
I did. I made popcorn.

[the heroes are beating at Galactus' foot]

Hulk:
Purple man strong.

Wolverine:
But?

Hulk:
But Hulk... Uh, Hulk don't know what. Purple man just really strong.

Wolverine:
Really, Hulk? For a guy with such a limited vocabulary, letting one of your two-catch phrases slip by just seem wrong.

Hulk:
Hulk don't understand.

[Galactus has lost his helmet during battle]

Abomination:
Nice ears.

[Galactus hits Fin Fang Foom in the crotch with Cosmic power]

Captain America:
Avert your eyes. There are some sights that man, and woman, are not meant to see.

Ms. Marvel:
Too late.

Galactus:
Infinity reflux. It happens when I eat between planets. A few burnt continents will clear that up.

Ms. Marvel:
Once upon a previous episode, Galactus was destroying the Earth.

Dr. Doom:
Nobody puts baby in a corner!

Iron Man:
Wait, Reptil's powers come from a fosyl fractal?

Mister Fantastic:
More like a fractal fosyl.

Reptil:
Oh, so that's why I'm fractal proof. I already have one.

Iron Man:
Right. [realizing] Your fractal proof?

Wolverine:
Agh! I knew there was something I wanted to tell ya, Tony.

Iron Man:
Big help.

Ms. Marvel:
[gasps] His smallest Kirby Krackle of frustration just destroyed all of Villainville.

Captain America:
Sister, you said a mouthful.

Iron Man:
Calm down, it's not the end of the world. Oh shoot, it is.

Silver Surfer:
You seem sad. Is it that clown?

Falcon:
[sighs] I'm the weakest guy here, Surfer. Wolvie craters the pavement, then he walks it off. I get my feathers ruffled, and I almost don't make it.

Silver Surfer:
Almost only counts in horseshoes and supernovas. Your speed factor is unparalled.

Falcon:
Quicksilver's faster.

Silver Surfer:
After Quicksilver though.

Falcon:
Whizzer, Maccari, Northstar...

Egghead:
Doctor Doom, I only agreed to be part of this because you are the one scientist more clever than me.

Dr. Doom:
Reed Richards.

Egghead:
Hm, yes, obviously, I, but...

Egghead:
Bruce Banner.

Egghead:
Yes...

Dr. Doom:
Henry McCoy.

Egghead:
Yes, I suppose...

Dr. Doom:
The Mad Thinker.

Egghead:
All right, all right!

Egghead:
Come, idiot lackeys, to the Eggmobile!

Iron Man:
Those fractals are dangerous, Falc. It seems like I got to remind you of that every single week.

Hulk:
Eh, whats tiny noise?

Reptil:
Ah, that's the crunch of the flavors being released.

Hulk:
Cheese named Joe is Hulk's friend.

Falcon:
How can I get six guys out of a nose without picking it?

M.O.D.O.K.:
[about to be eaten by the Hulk] Save me, Iron Man, I've never been to Europe!

Iron Man:
[Egghead falls into a jar of hot-sauce] We got a dip in the salsa.

Iron Man:
Why are you hiding, and why does this place look like some other dimensional studio tour?

Iron Man:
The dimensional transfer must have drained my power reserves. And they're about to rip this big can o' hero open.

Iron Man:
Great. They're still charging, and so is my armor.

Jack Russell:
Partly cloudy. It's gonna be a long night.

Iron Man:
Partly cloudy with a big chance of weird.

Iron Man:
I bet those other Squaddies are in a universe of cute cheerleaders or something.

Iron Man:
Tell me more about Dracula.

Jack Russell:
Well, he loves to macram?

Iron Man:
I mean , does he have any weaknesses?

Jack Russell:
Yeah, anything by Petula Clark. [Man-Thing snickers]

Dracula:
Son of Frankenstein!

Dracula:
Now I have to see the dentist [jumps into Man-Thing's arms] I'm scared of the dentist!

Iron Man:
Ah, no fear, because...

Announcer:
[voice over] Whatever knows fear burns at the Man-Thing's touch. Ouch!

Dracula:
Oh, drat-cula.

Jack Russell:
Iron Man, I now understand what a hero is. Your actions, and what told me off camera about your fellow Squaddies back home.

Jack Russell:
Well then, let the bad monsters of this world tremble at the might of: the Supernatural Hero Squad!

Iron Man:
Silver Surfer, you almost crashed Ms. Marvel's favorite toy. And Heck hath no fury who's Helicarrier has been scorned.

Thor:
Alas, just a fortnight ago, yon spaceborn sentinel denied me his surfboard as a mirror.

M.O.D.O.K.:
I'd kick your butt if my legs weren't so tiny! [wobbles his tiny legs]

The Thing:
[about the Surfer] Hey, the thing of it is, we can't let him rot in Doom's dungeon.

Iron Man:
Yeah, the Thing's thing is the main thing.

Iron Man:
I made a new cloaking device: the Stark Stealthsizer 7. Don't ask about the first six.

Hulk:
[after swallowing a yo-yo] Oh, it's coming back up... no, it's going back down.

Reptil:
See, Hawkeye? We Super Squaddies balance each other out. I may not be as powerful as the Hulk, but I have a little more brain power.

Wolverine:
[pops his claws] Does it look I change diapers with these?

Dr. Doom:
[to M.O.D.O.K] You owe me a controller. No, *two* controllers.

Captain America:
That's just a phone, Hulk. If it's President Roosevelt, tell him I'm not here.

Iron Man:
Reptil, glad you could join us.

Hawkeye:
Hey, remember that time you accidentily threw yourself out two minutes ago? Heh heh. Good times.

Captain America:
Oh, that's the old Water and Power building. The W.P.B. Don't you remember when they first build it during the depression? Those were the days, hot jazz and skinny eyebrows.

Dr. Doom:
Aha! Finally my fool hearty foes have found a fractal. Fascinating...

Abomination:
Hey, that's pretty good! Try this one: Mr. Sinister sold six stacks of silk slugs to Silver Surfer.

Thor:
Lo, though Mjolnir is mighty indeed, as a shovel it supremely sucketh eggs.

Iron Man:
Eureka!

Thor:
Yes, and you reek of machine oil, what about it?

Hulk:
Hulk don't do math, Hulk smash!

Wrecker:
The Super Hero Squad?

Falcon:
And we weren't even wearing 'Hello, my name is' stickers.

Thor:
[rips a sticker from his chest] And, once again, I did not get the memo.

Reptil:
Hulk, thank goodness. What are you doing back here?

Hulk:
Hulk forgot to put lid down.

Thor:
By Balder's manly earlobes!

Iron Man:
Free play is over, Juggernaut. Go back to prison and maybe we'll get you a nice indestructible treadmill.

Mayor of Super Hero City:
[narrating] This is real, true believers, not a hoax, not a what if.

Iron Man:
Oh oh, I smell clone.

Thor:
Aha, you like it? Aah, manly! It's called 'Ragnarok's spiff'.

Iron Man:
Not cologne, clone. As in cheap copies of the original.

Thor:
Aye, thou hast busted me royally. 'This a foe fragrance. I got it at Odin-mart.

Thor:
I say: speaketh to the hammer! Don't make me break out the hoses.

Iron Man:
Hold the hoses there, Goldilocks.

Wolverine Clone:
We are sick and tired of being cooped up in here. We've had an election, and now demand recognition of our mini-society of Wolverines.

Iron Man:
Quit cloning around, guys. Let's not do anything hasty.

M.O.D.O.K.:
Okay, now you will tremble.

[zaps Hulk]

Hulk:
Hulk scrawny.

[Hulk's pants drop]

Abomination:
I see London, I see France.

Hulk:
Oopsie.

Iron Man:
These readings show M.O.D.O.K. is now more powerful than Doom.

Falcon:
That fractal stone has really gone to his head. Get it? You see, it's lodged in his forehead. It's right in the middle there, between the eyebrow and his...

Wolverine:
He's nothing but a head. Where else would it get stuck?

Thor:
Oh, M.O.D.O.K., lord of the villains? Odin's doughnuts, it can not be.

Iron Man:
Yeah, it can. Fortunately, I'm working on the S.A.P.S.S. S.A.P.S.S., the Stark Anti-Power Sucking System. That'll give us some protection.

Falcon:
Uh, well, even so, that hyper head is already in the Hulk's class.

Hulk:
Ugh, Hulk not in Hulk's class.

Hulk:
[pokes his chest] Ow. Hulk got strong.

[Loki changes Thor's helmet into a dodo bird, Redwing has love in his eyes]

Thor:
They steal-eth my powers and change-eth mine cool helmet.

Falcon:
Hey, nobody plays matchmaker to my bird.

M.O.D.O.K.:
What are you doing in my seat, BFF?

Loki:
Oh, just keeping it warm for you.

M.O.D.O.K.:
Really? Well, it's *my* throne and I don't want your skinny Asgardian butt warming it.

Hulk:
Oh, Hulk feel wind-chil factor.

[Hulks pants drop again]

Iron Man:
Hulk, are you trying to lose us our G rating?

M.O.D.O.K.:
Doom? You're supposed to be on snack duty back at the M.O.D.O.K. mansion.

Dr. Doom:
Funny you should mention it. I thougt all your mighty villainy would make you mighty hungry. Oh, oh, oh. Careful, careful. Hot plate. Very hot plate.

M.O.D.O.K.:
Oh, he delivers. Keep the goodies warm as I destroy these goody-goodies.

Loki:
Don't worry about them. They're powerless. I'll help you destroy the others.

M.O.D.O.K.:
I don't need your help, imp.

Loki:
You know, my cousin called me an imp once, and to this day he doesn't walk right.

M.O.D.O.K.:
Oh, yeah?

Black Panther:
Time to drain your brain, M.O.-dork.

[Waking up from a nightmare]

Dr. Doom:
AAH! No! No, no, no, no! [grabs his teddy bear] Oh Doomy. Oh, my wittle Doomy-Bear. I swear... I swear with every fiber of my being, that I will RISE AGAIN, and bring down that... MEANIE! M.O.D.O.K.!

Captain America:
Halt in the name of America!

Thor:
Great Danish in the morning!

Dr. Doom:
M.O.D.O.K. we need theme music for our prison escape planning montage.

[small chuckle]

Dr. Doom:
Something with percussion. No synthesizers!

Captain America:
[on intercom] Doctor Doom, Doctor Doom, please report to Doctor America's office for our regularly scheduled rehabilitation session.

Captain America:
Aargh, oh! Ah! Eyes full of fertile American soil.

Volcana:
Oh, the walls-turned-to-butter trick always wants me want some toast.

Thor:
Shades of both Milly and Vanilly. Yon beast be a fake!

Captain America:
Come on, we can do butter. Better! Molecule Man really has this butter thing down pat.

Ms. Marvel:
Come on, we can do butter. Better! Molecule Man really has this butter thing down pat.

Captain America:
You won't slow me down with your high-cholesterol trickery.

Iron Man:
So, did we miss anything?

Ms. Marvel:
Doom got away.

Captain America:
Yes. And his self esteem is through the roof. Oh, what have I done?

Iron Man:
Tricephalus!

Thor:
Gesundheid!

Volcana:
I guess the problems of this crazy universe don't amount to a hill of beans to these two people.

Nebula:
I haven't had a mouth for two months so I'm gonna stay right here and keep eating pie until it comes outta my ears.

M.O.D.O.K.:
Yes! Yes! I am the door master! I have conquered you, door. Feel my power!

Iron Man:
Hey, wait a second. Scarlet Which's Energy Factor countered the Time Stone when she was with the Invaders. And I'll bet my Tech Factor counters the Power Stone. And Falcon's Speed Factor counters the Space Stone.

Hulk:
Uh, and Hulk?

Iron Man:
Thor's Elemental Factor should counter the Reality Stone. And Wolverine's Animal Factor must counter the Soul Stone.

Hulk:
Ugh! What about Hulk?

Iron Man:
There's only one left. Think, Hulk.

Hulk:
Hulk tell you before: Hulk not think!

Iron Man:
And that, my friend, is why you counter the Mind Stone.

Thor:
By the magic decoder ring of the Nibelungen!

Iron Man:
Ready, Squaddies. Time to Hero Up!

Falcon:
Wait! Too early in the show.

Iron Man:
Wolverine, cut a perimeter around Tricephalus!

Wolverine:
With pleasure. I love ice snikting.

Iron Man:
Get ready, Hulk.

Hulk:
Okay. Uh, for what?

Iron Man:
What do you think?

Hulk:
Hulk not think. HULK SMASH!

Iron Man:
Good thinking.

Volcana:
Why didn't you tell me Nebula doesn't has a mouth?

Molecule Man:
Because I only have eyes for yours?

Molecule Man:
Watch what happens when I scrunch my eyes and strain real hard. Watch.

Iron Man:
There's only one left. Think, Hulk.

Hulk:
Hulk tell you before. Hulk not think!

Iron Man:
And that, my friend, is why you counter the Mind Stone.

Hulk:
Yippee! Hulk knew that.

Hulk:
Hey, somebody's been eating Hulk's Banana Whackies.

Dr. Doom:
Ah, such glorious music.

Abomination:
Yeah, and you don't even have to download it.

Dark Surfer:
You know why I'm doing this?

Ms. Marvel:
Because you were afraid I might break out on my own, now that I have Captain Marvel's cosmic powers?

Dark Surfer:
You do know! And now I'm going to absorb that power.

Ms. Marvel:
You'll regret it.

Dark Surfer:
Right. That's what the Kree, the Skrulls, the Guardians of the Galaxy, the Elders of the Universe and the Trans-Dimensional Space Pipefitters Union said. And you don't see them anymore. Do you? [Ms. Marvel unleashes her cosmic power at Surfer, he absorbs her power] Well, no regrets so far.

Dark Surfer:
My old friends. I don't know whether to destroy you separately or all at once. So I'm going to do both.

[replicates himself into separate Soul Stone versions]

Dark Surfer:
This is going to make the Big Bang look like a burp!

Iron Man:
Come on, Squaddies. You know what to do. Uh, can I say it now?

Hulk, Wolverine, Scarlet Witch, Falcon, Thor:
Say it!

Iron Man:
All right, Super Hero Squad, to save the entire universe, it's time to Hero Up!

Nighthawk:
Scarlett Witch was supposed to go mini-bowling tonight. And the green guy over there, he had had something called Banana Whackies for breakfast. And lunch and dinner.

Scarlet Witch:
How can he know so much?

Hulk:
And how him see with eyes all scrunched up like that?

Iron Man:
[laughs] Good one, Hulk.

Iron Man:
There she is, the Statue of Liberty. Symbol of my dimension holds dear.

Nighthawk:
Don't call me dear.

Iron Man:
Look, you and me, we stand for the same things.

Nighthawk:
Rooting out the vermin that infest our cities? Choking it with your bare hands?

Iron Man:
Okay.

Hyperion:
Squadron Supreme, time to Hero Out!

Iron Man:
Uh, sorry guys. No time.

Hyperion:
Aah, you got to do yours.

Iron Man:
It's our show.

Hulk:
Yeah. Get your own show, big jaw.

Thanos:
Oh, you see this? It's the Time Stone. If you take another step, I'll send you all the way back to the Big Bang.

Hulk:
Oh, Hulk like explosions.

Grandmaster:
[blows whistle] Foul! Time out! This is unsanctioned competition. It's non-league play and beneath my notice.

Wolverine:
Blow it out your whistle, bub.

[Wolverine pulls him into the fight]

Thanos:
Not until I blow my whistle.

Hulk:
[Growls] Hulk not care what purple man blow.

Hyperion:
You think you can damage this jaw?

Scarlet Witch:
Some days it just doesn't pay to turn good guy.

Reptil:
Eh, it's just your hammer, Thor.

Thor:
Aye, 'tis. But now Mjolnir has what men call an Easter Egg: I can teleport!

Hulk:
Hey, Falcon.

Wolverine:
You get the Helicarrier back in one piece?

Wolverine:
Yes... with an asterisk.

Iron Man:
We got time issues. She's somewhere in the past.

Falcon:
You mean Wanda is... history?

Scarlet Witch:
Ehm, excuse me. Why are you the only guy here that speaks English?

Red Skull:
Ach, I had a free block after chemistry.

[his soldiers burst out laughing]

Scarlet Witch:
[sighs] You just can't count on improbability.

Captain America:
Over there is the Human Torch. Not strictly human, but 'Android Torch' didn't sound quite right.

Human Torch Android:
Ha ha! See ya in the funny papers!

Captain America:
And Toro, with all the same powers as Human Torch.

Toro:
Now you're cooking with gas!

Toro:
Hubba hubba! They must have stopped rationing sugar the day they made you.

Scarlet Witch:
I... don't even know what that means.

Falcon:
We have to go back in time and get Wanda. Anyone got a spare time travel machine?

Iron Man:
I wish I could help, but my last time travel experiment caused a...

Hulk:
[interrupting] Ooh! Paradox.

Iron Man:
Hulk, how did you...

Hulk:
[points towards a pair of ducks] Hulk like duckies.

Wolverine:
[sighs] What ever you say, Thunderbub.

Captain America:
Let's vamoose!

Thor:
No time for dancing, let's go.

Thor:
By Heimdal's hairy hindquarters. I have not seen the like!

Mole Man:
I knew I should have made the left turn at Albuquerque.

Dr. Doom:
This will lead us to the ultimate evil-doer, my personal hero - The Red Skull!

M.O.D.O.K.:
Yuck. He's got a face like a caboose. No wonder it's red.

Dr. Doom:
[zaps M.O.D.O.K] That's my hero.

Dr. Doom:
I can't believe it.

M.O.D.O.K.:
It's astounding. The world's largest bratwurst!

Dr. Doom:
[shouts] M.O.D.O.K.! We are not here for the sausage, we are here for the wicked genius! Now pick him up and let's go.

M.O.D.O.K.:
I bet that sausage is wicked tasty.

Hulk:
Ah, usually Hulk sings to his rubber ducky in shower.

Iron Man:
Oh, you've never showered! That's why we never heard it before.

Hulk:
Hulk don't understand.

Red Skull:
[to Dr. Doom] Grocier Schnitzel, you are ugly.

M.O.D.O.K.:
Has he looked in the mirror?

Captain America:
Red Skull? I can't believe somebody found you and thawed you out.

Red Skull:
And I can't believe you're still wearing that ridiculous suit, with the little wings that go flippity, flippity, flippity.

Captain America:
Our new Howlin' Commandoes. What do you think, Colonel Fury?

Nick Fury:
[looks at Thor] I'd still like to cut the blond's hair, but they'll have to do.

Dr. Doom:
Maybe I'll come up with a plan of my own. How's about Plan UDB? Emphasis on the D.