Triple Dog

Eve:
[Opens the door to find Liza] You came.

Liza:
My mother made me.

Eve:
Is she making you stay?

Liza:
Do you want me to leave?

Eve:
Do you want to leave?

Liza:
Are you asking me to go home?

Eve:
Do you always answer questions with questions?

Liza:
Do you?

Eve:
I'll be cool if you're cool.

Liza:
I'm cool.

Sarah:
[Cecily is talking about sleeping with their principal] Gross.

Nina:
Like, "2 Girls, 1 Cup" gross.

Eve:
Liza came.

Chapin Wright:
No shiz?

Eve:
Shiz.

Chapin Wright:
Have we sung 'Happy Birthday'?

Cicely:
Yes. Guess *you're* a little late.

Chapin Wright:
Good. Song's gay anyway.

Chapin Wright:
[to Liza] Look, I know you're about to like, wet your pants right about now, but I'm not gonna ruin Eve's birthday. So you don't have to run home, you can stay. But we're not gonna be down until I get an apology.

Liza:
Then I guess we're not gonna be down. I know all about you, Chapin. [Chapin walks away, Sarah walks up]

Sarah:
My mom says she probably needs Ritalin.

Eve:
[Whisper, a guy Eve likes walks away] He is so perfect.

Chapin Wright:
You are so obvious!

Eve:
Was I?

Chapin Wright:
Yes. You were practically slobbering on his jock.

Eve:
Ew! Ear rape!

Chapin Wright:
[Eve waves at Nina, Cecily and Sarah] Ugh, why do you talk to them?

Eve:
They're nice.

Chapin Wright:
They're like a sorority. Do you know what happens to sorority girls? They turn into Kelly Ripa.

Nina:
Hey, Eve.

Eve:
What's up?

Cicely:
Hey.

Chapin Wright:
Oh, I forgot. I'm invisible today.

Cicely:
Hello, Chapin.

Chapin Wright:
What's the b*tch-uation, Cecily? Has anyone ever told you you look exactly like Kelly Ripa?

Cicely:
[Flattered] Oh.

Sarah:
I love Kelly Ripa!

Kayla:
[the soccer team is running warm-ups. They run across The Jogger Bridge. Each girl kisses her hand and sets it on the rail] Pay your respects, new girl. [Eve does it]

Eve:
What's that for?

Kayla:
Stacy St. Clair.

Coach Cowan:
You'll move faster if your lips stop flapping!

Toni:
She needs to get stuffed.

Coach Cowan:
Got some three nights ago, Toni! Move it!

Chapin Wright:
Who's got the juice?

Cicely:
We don't drink.

Chapin Wright:
You don't drink, you don't smoke, you don't screw? Congratulations, you're all Saints. Gold stars for everyone! Let's stick 'em to your foreheads.

Nina:
We could take turns reading each other's blogs. It'll be like theater.

Chapin Wright:
I'd rather be shot. Twice.

Cicely:
I'll take a pedicure, Sarah.

Sarah:
I'm not touching your feet, Cecily. Seriously, they smell like yogurt.

Cicely:
They do not smell like yogurt!

Chapin Wright:
What about... Triple Dog?

Toni:
[Explaining to Eve about Stacy St. Clair] So there's this huge party, right? Like an 'end of the semester' crazy fling thing.

Kayla:
And you know how the Sacred Heart crowd is. They party mad hard.

Toni:
Yeah, cause Catholic school messes with your head and sh*t.

Kayla:
They're all totally repressed.

Toni:
Totes. So there's this kid there that nobody's ever seen before, and he's all in leather with this green mohawk.

Kayla:
I heard it was blue.

Toni:
So there's this guy with this *blue* mohawk, and he's at this party, and he's handing out acid hits for free.

Kayla:
It wasn't free.

Toni:
It *was* free, that's a fact. It was free, and Stacy St. Clair got some. But this isn't like, regular acid. It's like crazy stuff, like insane! People are tasting colors and seeing sounds. And Stacy had butterflies on her fingers.

Kayla:
How would Chris Harper know that?

Toni:
Shh! Because! Jed Spellman told him, that's how. Anyway, Eve, one of her butterflies flew away, and she flips out and starts chasing it. And she almost had it when she was at the bridge.

Chapin Wright:
[the girls have voted on playing Triple Dog] Well, that's four to two! Democracy! Lovin' it!

Chapin Wright:
[Rules of Triple Dog. Everyone has put all their money and their most prized possession into the 'pot'] Rule one, everyone gets and dare and gives a dare. Rule two, you must complete the dare that's given to you, and if you don't [Turns clippers on and off] you get your head shaved.

Sarah:
Like, no hair, bald?

Chapin Wright:
That's the game.

Nina:
[laughing] Cool. [Cecily looks at her in disbelief] What?

Chapin Wright:
Now, if you know there's a dare you can't do, you can challenge the person who dared you, and they have to do it. But if they do it, you get shaved. So, don't go daring people to do thing you wouldn't do, because it backfires.

Liza:
What kind of dares?

Chapin Wright:
Anything goes. But you can't dare someone to shave their head.

Liza:
Why not?

Chapin Wright:
Because that's against the rules!

Sarah:
[Liza has dared Sarah to streak. She's standing outside in only a towel] I don't think this is fair.

Chapin Wright:
Okay, if you don't wanna do it, then challenge Liza. But if she does it, I'm shaving your head.

Liza:
[looks at Sarah] I can tell you, I have no problem streaking.

Chapin Wright:
[Sarah has started streaking] Game on.

Chapin Wright:
[Sitting in Study Hall playing Mad Libs with Clarke, Whisper and Stephan] Noun.

Stephan:
Balls.

Chapin Wright:
Adjective.

Clarke:
What's an adjective?

Chapin Wright:
Yet another reason why you should stop skipping English.

Chapin Wright:
[Stephan is throwing gummy bears at Liza, who is sitting alone at a nearby table] If you're just gonna throw those, can I have one? [He takes another from the bag and gives the rest to Chapin. He throws the bear at Liza, who turns around and glares at the group] Okay. Plural noun. [She notices Liza] What, you mad-doggin' me, Rat Girl?

Liza:
Why dot you tell everybody why you got kicked out of Sacred heart, Chapin?

Chapin Wright:
[Sits up straight] What was that?

Study Hall Teacher:
Quiet down. Get back to work.

Whisper:
Chapin, chillax. Come on.

Chapin Wright:
[Stands up] What did you say to me, Rat Girl?

Study Hall Teacher:
Sit down, young lady.

Chapin Wright:
[Walks over to Liza] What the f*** did you just say to me? [Liza says nothing, so Chapin grabs her by her hair and pulls her out of her seat. Chapin punches her twice in the face, until Whisper grabs her]

Principal Scalco:
You're not still carrying that rat around, are you?

Liza:
[Grips her bag tighter] No.

Principal Scalco:
You know, I've heard that they're almost as smart as dogs. Does he like doughnuts? [Rips a piece off a doughnut on his desk and hands it to Liza]

Liza:
She. [Opens her bag and gives it to the rat]

Principal Scalco:
Anything you wanna talk about?

Chapin Wright:
Mmm... God?

Principal Scalco:
What about God?

Chapin Wright:
Do you think God ever gets bored?

Todd:
[Eve and chalin knock on his door. He opens it and just burps. Chalin burps louder and longer. To Chapin] Nice. [to Eve] You stink.

Eve:
You're ugly. Pizza and cake downstairs if you want it.

Todd:
Did you take ten bucks from me the other day?

Eve:
Yeah. Now you owe me $71.19. And where's my birthday present?

Todd:
I refuse to celebrate it. [to Chapin] I wanted a dog.

Chapin Wright:
[Liza is reluctant to compete her dare] Ass up, Rat Girl!

Chapin Wright:
[Liza is in Todd's closet] Okay, well, look on the bright side... Oh, wait, there isn't one. You should've apologized. Karma's a b*tch.

Mr. Wang:
[Nina is faking a seizure] Mallory, call 'amblance'!

Mallory Silvers:
Hell no!

Chapin Wright:
What's 'amblance'?

Mr. Wang:
'Amblance'! 'Amblance'! [Imitates sirens] Sirens?

Mallory Silvers:
I said N-O! No!

Chapin Wright:
See how salty she is? Like, like MSG. Fire her ass!

Mr. Wang:
Mallory, no MSG!

Chapin Wright:
Call the 'amblance'!

Mr. Wang:
Crazy white people! So crazy! All the time crazy! Crazy, like... Okay.

Chapin Wright:
She just envies my natural effervescence.

Eve:
You're Liza, right?

Liza:
Left.

Liza:
I guess I should go find out where everyone else is.

Todd:
Or we could bone.

Liza:
I'm gonna go get dressed.

Todd:
Can I watch?

Chapin Wright:
Al I know is that we were at a party. Stacy was depressed. And then she ran off.

Eve:
Just like that?

Chapin Wright:
Just like that.

Eve:
She wasn't stoned or seeing butterflies?

Chapin Wright:
Look, people who are depressed do crazy things. Maybe her mom hit her. Maybe her dog died. Maybe she was pregnant. Or maybe she was just a coked-out junkie who lost her will to live. I don't know. I didn't ask her. All I know is that she jumped, okay?

Liza:
Then why'd you get expelled?

Chapin Wright:
Because I was there! Just like that 'lesbonaut' Mallory Silvers.

Liza:
That's not what I heard, Chapin.

Eve:
Sometimes being around you is like babysitting a kid with ADD!

Sarah:
[Walks into the party] Why is everyone looking at me?

Cicely:
They're not looking at you; they're looking at me.

Stephan:
[Sees Sarah knitting] That's so bitchin'!

Stephan:
I wanna make... A sweater!

Sarah:
A pink one?

Stephan:
I can rock pink.

Sarah:
Totes.

Whisper:
What was your big dare? Come on.

Chapin Wright:
I had to mug a Penthouse from Carby's.

Whisper:
And?

Chapin Wright:
Exactly. So I stole a bunch of sh*t and blew up a microwave.

Sarah:
Everybody should get naked and run around at least once in their life.

Stephan:
F*** yeah!

Sarah:
It was totally liberating. It should be a law!

Stephan:
Hell yeah. I'd vote for it!

Sarah:
Hell yeah!

Chapin Wright:
[Walk up] What are you guys talking about?

Stephan:
Gettin' naked!

Sarah:
F*** yeah!

Stephan:
Dude... We should *knit* naked!

Eve:
[Tryig to hit on Whisper] I like your shirt.

Whisper:
So do I, that's why I bought it.

Sarah:
What's third base?

Chapin Wright:
Are you serious? *You* dared her!

Sarah:
*You* told me to.

Chapin Wright:
Oral, Sarah. Third base is oral.

Sarah:
Oh. Oral sex.

Whisper:
[Eve starts to go down on him, but he stops her] Eve, look, I think you're cool, but...

Eve:
But?

Whisper:
I've got my eye on someone else.

Eve:
Who?

Whisper:
Your girl.

Eve:
Chapin? [Whisper nods] Are you serious? [She kisses him, he pushes her off]

Whisper:
Eve, look, you're cute. I'm sorry.

Eve:
Shut up! I knew it. [Storms out]

Liza:
[Comes out of a room, hair and clothes askew. Sees everyone chasing Eve] What's going on?

Chapin Wright:
[Todd walks out of the room, also looking disheveled] I was just about to ask you the same thing. Slut up.

Chapin Wright:
[Pushes Whisper into a room] What the hell is your problem?

Whisper:
I'm problem-free, Chapin.

Chapin Wright:
Then why didn't you... I mean, she's cute, right?

Whisper:
You were watching me?

Chapin Wright:
Of course I was watching you. It's the frickin' game!

Whisper:
Well, then you know exactly what my problem is.

Chapin Wright:
If I kiss you, then will you hook up with her?

Whisper:
Are you serious?

Chapin Wright:
You heard me. Will you? [He stumbles for a 'yes'. Chapin leans in and kisses him. He goes to kiss her again and she pushes him away]

Whisper:
What the hell is the matter with you?

Chapin Wright:
Look, it's... It's a game. She's my best friend. It's her birthday. Her dad hasn't called and she's all upset about it. She's got this huge crush on you and now. I you don't hook up with her, she has to get her head shaved. Doesn't that sound messed up to you?

Whisper:
Yeah.

Chapin Wright:
It's supposed to be fun, and everything goes wrong.

Whisper:
You mean like Stacy?

Chapin Wright:
Don't talk about it. I never should've even told you.

Whisper:
It wasn't your fault.

Chapin Wright:
How do you know? You weren't even there!

Whisper:
It wasn't.

Chapin Wright:
Stop talking about it.

Whisper:
Chapin, accidents happen all the time, and it's not your fault.

Chapin Wright:
Shut up, shut up, shut up, shut up! [Runs away]

Stacy St. Clair:
[Flashback to the night of Stacy's death. Her and a bunch of girls, including Mallory and Chapin are playing Triple Dog. Mallory is bald] Who's next?

Chapin Wright:
You. Pick someone to dare you.

Stacy St. Clair:
Then how about you, smartass? And make it good; I'm getting bored.

Chapin Wright:
Jump.

Stacy St. Clair:
From?

Chapin Wright:
The bridge.

Stacy St. Clair:
The Jogger Bridge?

Chapin Wright:
I Triple Dog Dare you to jump off The Jogger Bridge.

Mallory Silvers:
That's stupid.

Stacy St. Clair:
So's your head, Baldy. How much is in the pot?

Chapin Wright:
$280.

Stacy St. Clair:
Well, you may as well just put it in my pocket now. Let's go.

Chapin Wright:
What is your problem, Mallory?

Mallory Silvers:
What really happened to Stacy St. Clair?

Chapin Wright:
She jumped.

Mallory Silvers:
Yes, she did. Because someone dared her to.

Eve:
Is that true?

Chapin Wright:
Nothing had was supposed to happen. It was supposed to be fun.

Mallory Silvers:
Fun? Are you guys having fun?

Chapin Wright:
People jump off that bridge all the time and nothing happens.

Mallory Silvers:
There's a current, idiot. But you weren't thinking about that. You needed to be the center of attention, so you Triple Dog Dared Stacy St. Clair to do something you knew you couldn't.

Chapin Wright:
I could've.

Mallory Silvers:
I don't think so.

Chapin Wright:
You daring me, Mal?

Mallory Silvers:
I wouldn't be that dumb. [Chalin runs off to The Jogger Bridge]

Eve:
[Repeated] You b*tch!

Eve:
[Chapin has resurfaced, unharmed] You moron!

Chapin Wright:
Look, if we're not cool anymore, then I can just walk home.

Eve:
The walk yourself home!

Chapin Wright:
Fine, I will, b*tch!

Eve:
How could you be so selfish?

Chapin Wright:
[Starts crying] I just needed to see for myself because it was my fault, so f*** you for not understanding that! [Starts to walk away, but stops. Starts sobbing] I shouldn't have done it. I should've just kept my big mouth shut! The current was really, really rough. I didn't know. I shouldn't have dared her.

Eve:
That wasn't your fault, Chapin.

Chapin Wright:
Yes, it was.

Eve:
No, it wasn't.

Chapin Wright:
I didn't know about the current, I just... I just... I didn't know.

Liza:
It was an accident, Chapin.

Chapin Wright:
God, I totally suck.

Eve:
Yeah, ya kinda do. Are you okay?

Chapin Wright:
Yeah, I think I'll be alright.

Cicely:
[Eve screams after getting off the phone with her father] Great, she flipped the f*** out.

Chapin Wright:
[to Eve] And just so you know, nobody in their right mind would ever leave you behind.