Yu Yu Hakusho

[after Kuwabara rants about his new love of Yukina]

Yusuke Urameshi:
I guess he feel out of love to you.

Botan:
[sarcastic]: Oh darn...

Yusuke Urameshi:
You could use some more friends.

Kazuma Kuwabara:
Yeah, like you're the one to talk.

Yusuke Urameshi:
Who are you?

Rugby, Kong, Additional Voices:
Rugby.

Yusuke Urameshi:
What, like the sport?

Rugby, Kong, Additional Voices:
I prefer to think of it more as an inspiration. The closest thing you modern humans have to recreational pain.

Rugby, Kong, Additional Voices:
Cheating the demon world? Penalty: one death.

Kazuma Kuwabara:
Oh, man. He killed his teammate over you?

Yusuke Urameshi:
Uh-huh. I'm a real celebrity.

Genkai:
Be prudent with your power, Yusuke. We don't want another of our teammates to end up crippled and screaming in pain.

Yusuke Urameshi:
Who's crippled?

Kazuma Kuwabara:
Beats me. I don't think I am.

Yusuke Urameshi:
Well, now I'm worried.

Keiko Yukimura:
Yesterday I saw Yusuke in a way I've never seen before. Everything about him was so genuinely happy. And I don't mean a smile or a laugh. I mean true happiness. Ever since we were kids, Yusuke's never belonged. And here, it's dangerous, but it's like he's home.

Botan:
Three cheers to our team in their next big fight. May they kick some demon butt.

Younger Toguro:
If you don't mind, I'd like to fight against your team single-handedly.

Babaki:
What are you saying? Don't you have a team?

Younger Toguro:
Of course, but they happen to be extremely lazy and they don't wanna fight.

Dusokoi:
You arrogant man! Are you mocking us?

Gagaki:
Five fights in a row - you'd be exhausted.

Younger Toguro:
Well, actually I was hoping all five of you would fight me at the same time.

Younger Toguro:
You have great power. You're right to be proud. It's unfortunate you have to die now, but I will honor you with forty-five percent of my strength.

Kazuma Kuwabara:
kuw- What kind of crap is this?

Koto:
Okay, people, let's not delay this inevitable slaughter-fest any longer. Please come center for the start.

Voice in the Crowd:
Only one fighter left on each side - now that's the demon way to battle.

Butajiri:
As soon as this half-dead kid tips over, I'm gonna be a very wealthy man.

Koto:
[speaking of pain] It feels delightful, doesn't it?

[Kuwabara falls over]

Koto:
[genuinely taken aback] You don't like it?

Yusuke Urameshi:
[to Kuwabara] Don't let that creep wail on you! Show some freakin' balls!

Kurama:
We both know he's proven enough. It's a miracle he's even standing.

Kazuma Kuwabara:
Yeah, so why can't I use my spirit sword anymore?

Risho:
[laughs] The naivet? of youth! I though you would have figured it it by now. Do you really think a normal human could have sustained the injuries you have? Your body's been using your spirit energy to keep you alive. And now you have nothing left.

[Mr. Butajiri lies dead]

Sakyo:
I tell you, Toguro, you're so creative with those deaths. Now we'll just have to hope Yusuke and his team can survive this mess.

Younger Toguro:
If not, then he wasn't worth me fighting in the first place.

Risho:
I have no more time to nurse your heroics. I've got a prize to take.

Kazuma Kuwabara:
A real man earns what he wants.

Risho:
Egh!

Koto:
Risho's willfully stepped out of the ring. What could he be planning?

Koenma:
I don't like the way he holds that finger.

Botan:
I'm imploring you, as one heart-beating creature to another. Our friend is dying out there. Please let us in!

Red Lizard Security Guard:
No chance. You're all under arrest for illegal entry and for the assault of an extremely honorable employee.

Botan:
You mean, that PERV?

Purple Lizard Security Guard:
They're hostile. I say let's take them down for some demon-style interrogation.

Botan:
Oh, shove it.

Koto:
Kuwabara's whole body is doing the wiggle dance, and yet he STILL tries to get up.

Risho:
I know what you're doing. Using your life energy will only delay this. You're still going to die.

Kazuma Kuwabara:
No joke, moron. That's the whole point of this fight - as long as I take you with me.

Risho:
What?

Kazuma Kuwabara:
If this fight ends in a draw, my team wins and the rest of my guys get to live.

[Facing death, Kuwabara telepathically transmits his farewells to his teammates]

Kazuma Kuwabara:
Hiei, you're a little punk, and you always said mean stuff to me, but I know underneath all that junk you're a good guy. Kurama, you taught me a lot with the things you said. There's nobody more caring than you. Mummy-fighter person, you saved those guys from Dr. Ichigaki and that means a lot. You didn't say much, but somehow I really feel I know you. And Urameshi... well... uh...

Kazuma Kuwabara:
[aloud] Just take care of the rest of this, okay?

Yusuke Urameshi:
[appalled] Don't you do this!

Kazuma Kuwabara:
Don't sneak up on me when I'm breathin' hard, okay?

Yusuke Urameshi:
Since when does Keiko want me to do what I feel like?

Keiko Yukimura:
Ew! Since when does Yusuke care what Keiko has to say?

Yusuke Urameshi:
Hey, why don't you just try not getting pissy with me?

Keiko Yukimura:
Why can't you have the guts to tell me about these things so I don't have to drag it out of Botan?

Yusuke Urameshi:
Party-pooper!

Keiko Yukimura:
Crybaby!

[Watching the pair from the bushes, Botan turns and speaks to the camera]

Botan:
We're live at the tournament's most exciting match yet.

Yusuke Urameshi:
Look, we've both been doing some growin' up since we last saw each other. You, for instance.

Keiko Yukimura:
Yehw!

Yusuke Urameshi:
[poking] Is it just these pants or did you really get a nice ass?

Keiko Yukimura:
Yusuke...!

[smack]

Yusuke Urameshi:
[Edited version] Whoa Keiko, since when did you fill out in all the right places?

Koto:
Absolutely amazing! Suddenly, wonder boy Yusuke's taking on the whole team by himself.

Genkai:
[in thought] Yusuke's power is reaching a plateau. He's learned about as much as he can from this. It's time!

Yusuke Urameshi:
It's been real fun, but I'll see you in Hell.

Dr. Ichigaki:
You can't kill these humans. You know it'd be wrong. The only choice is to accept your defeat.

Dr. Ichigaki:
My perfect inventions! How can you destroy scientific achievement with chanting?

Yusuke Urameshi:
Hey! What DID you do to those guys? Why'd you hold me back if you were just going to kill them?

Genkai:
I did what I had to, nothing more.

[the doctor is surrounded]

Yusuke Urameshi:
Hey, a**hole, you know you're not walkin' away from this, don't you?

Hiei:
Don't embarrass yourself.

Kurama:
Acknowledge your cruelty and your punishment will be swift.

Kurama:
I acquired a few poisonous herbs as well on this island. Care to try one, Doctor?

[as Yusuke delivers heavy blows to Dr. Ichigaki... ]

Yusuke Urameshi:
That was for the three innocent lives you stole. And this one's for screwin' with their master.

Kurama:
Nicely put.

Yusuke Urameshi:
And this is for my friend who felt sorry for them and got his ass kicked into the ground.

Kazuma Kuwabara:
Thanks for the shout out, Urameshi.

Yusuke Urameshi:
And the last one's for me, just for pissin' me off. Now you go think about what you've done, Dr, Ichigaki.

M3/Kai:
Yusuke. Maybe I could be of some help. I'd like to repay you, if it's possible. We're the ones who hurt Kuwabara. Let me fight in his place. I'll join as your substitute.

Yusuke Urameshi:
[standing near Kuwabara] Well, thanks for the offer, but this doofus would have a fit if I gave his spot away. You understand.

M3/Kai:
Dyeh...

Yusuke Urameshi:
Plus we're only allowed one substitute and only after one of our guys is dead.

Koto:
And so, in a dramatic explosion of emotion fit to make any demon wretch, the Urameshi team is set to advance.

[With the fight concluded, the crowd returns to its chant of "Kill Yusuke."]

Yusuke Urameshi:
Oh, shove it where it hurts.

Kazuma Kuwabara:
Wait a second. Where you goin' now?

Genkai:
Tell Yusuke not to follow me.

Kazuma Kuwabara:
Are you in trouble?

Genkai:
Kuwabara?

Kazuma Kuwabara:
Ma'am?

Genkai:
You have a gentle heart. Use it.

Koto:
What a surprise for Section Seven! The acidic blast melted them with excruciating pain. Make sure to get the home release for THAT one, people.

[Boom]

Midorenja:
You took my arm!

[Boom. Now his other arm's gone, too]

Karasu:
Now, what part should I dispose of next? The shoulder? The leg? Or maybe your head?

Midorenja:
Please, I give up.

Karasu:
How disgraceful.

[Boom]

[Facing Bui, Kirenja whips out his sword]

Kirenja:
Ha ha ha. THIS is my little secret weapon. Of course, by "little," I mean gigantic. LOOK at this baby! I had planned on saving this for the final round of the tournament, but you look way too deserving of an extra-large size defeat.

[Bui produces a massive and weighty ax from thin air, many many times the size and heft of Kirenja's sword]

Kirenja:
Oh, damn.

[Momorenja lies dead but Akarenja and Adrenja - the last of Team Gorenja - still cling to life after Elder Toguro's triumphant attack]

Elder Toguro:
Well... Both still alive after all that. You really did earn your place in the semi-finals. As a reward for your impressive endurance, I promise to spare one of your lives; so, which one of you wants it more?

Elder Toguro:
In the demon world there is no place for grovelers.

Elder Toguro:
Bui and Karasu said the same thing as you when they challenged us and were beaten down. They were much prettier then.

[Elder Toguro recalls the moment in a flashback]

Karasu:
Kill me now. That's your only warning.

Younger Toguro:
I'm sorry, but your time of death is no longer your decision, Karasu. You belong to the Toguros now. And until you can argue, you will do as we require.

[Elder Toguro mentally returns to the tournament]

Elder Toguro:
Brother's come to quite prefer people like you to fight on our side, now. No loyalties to confuse. Also...

[indicates Bui and Karasu]

Elder Toguro:
...their desire to kill us keeps them motivated to improve. Brother would find you perfect for us. That's why I swore to spare you. However, Brother's not here at the moment, and we have one most important difference - I always hate keeping my promises.

Karasu:
Accepting the truth would be easier: The finals will come and the four of you will die.

Kurama:
Just four?

Karasu:
Yes, of course. One of you dies today.

Younger Toguro:
So why did you put that mask on? Did you not want me to see you in your younger appearance again?

Genkai:
Cut the sentimental crap! I wore that mask because I didn't want to be struck by one of the hundreds of demons who wants my head on their wall, due almost entirely by your behavior - and thank you SO much for that.

Genkai:
Hm. Eternal youth and power. I see the committee did a great job on your request.

Shinobu Sensui:
Are any of you brave enough to lead the way, attempt to finish what your late friend could not?

Kazuma Kuwabara:
Sure. Bravery's the only thing we got left.

Kazuma Kuwabara:
Urameshi, you died a hero's death, sacrificing your life to save billions of others. You've lit our torches and I won't let your death be in vein, even if it means I'll be joining you soon.

Kiyoshi Mitarai a.k.a. Seaman:
The world didn't come to an end when the tunnel opened up, I don't think.

Koenma:
These things don't just happen in an instant. It's not like dropping an atom bomb at a certain time and place. The battle will be drawn out, and those beasts Hiei deep fried were just the first wave. More of the canon fodder will follow soon, but they aren't the ones we need to worry about. There are demons of far greater strength and intelligence lurking in the depths of Demon World, laying low and waiting until they know it's safe for them to pass through to this world. And then, they'll unleash a terror more destructive than any weapon man has ever forged, and that is how the world will end.

Kiyoshi Mitarai a.k.a. Seaman:
But what about the Kekkai Barrier? Won't that keep the really bad demons from escaping? I thought that's why they wanted Mr. Kuwabara's power, so they could use it to break the net that's in their way, but since that never happened, the barrier must still be intact, right?

Koenma:
Kuwabara will slice through it.

Kiyoshi Mitarai a.k.a. Seaman:
Why would he DO that?

Koenma:
In order to avenge his friend's death.

Kiyoshi Mitarai a.k.a. Seaman:
He wouldn't do anything that rash.

Koenma:
You obviously don't know Kuwabara.

[Kuwabara wonders aloud how Shinobu passed through the Kekkai Barrier unharmed]

Shinobu Sensui:
As you remember, MY energy is of the sacred kind. Fortunately the brains in Spirit World only made this net to filter out demon energy. That's why I pass through unscathed while Hiei's attack burned out when it hit the net.

Hiei:
[to himself] If my best technique can't even singe his ass through this fence, how are we supposed to fight him?

Shinobu Sensui:
But you and your friend should take some consolation in the fact that THIS Kekkai is only sensitive to the energy of A- or S-class demons, which means that, in killing your friend, I've awakened the potential you've both dreamed of. Your silence is all the thanks I need. Ironically though, now that your powers are finally strong enough to match me, you can't get close.

Botan:
But, sir, Yusuke...

Yama:
Is no longer on this case. I have no choice but to call in my own men.

Botan:
The... Spirit Defense Force.

Ogre:
The SDF? Things ARE bad.

Shinobu Sensui:
This is not something I usually do - fighting opponents who I know have no chance of beating me - but I'm making exceptions for you, to offer some modicum of peace that you at least TRY to avenge your friend's death before your own.

Kurama:
This may be the first time Hiei has been willing to die for anyone but himself.

Shinobu Sensui:
[observantly] Nothing worse than being strong but not strong enough. It only prolongs the inevitable conclusion.

Kazuma Kuwabara:
It's not fair. These judges have had it out for us since the first day.

Koenma:
I'll seen wrestling matches less rigged.

Yusuke Urameshi:
I'd like you to remove your head from your ass, but I don't see that happening any time soon.

Elder Toguro:
Your observation is, as usual, shortsighted and quite incorrect.

Kazuma Kuwabara:
Hey, what's that supposed to mean?

Elder Toguro:
Even if, by cruel cosmic joke, you survive your matches, you forget that champions are each granted a wish. Once our team wins and mine is awarded, I'll wish for the death of all your friends.

Hiei:
Want to know what I'll wish for when we beat them? The bloody death of every member of that corrupt tournament committee so that I'll never be pulled into one of their carnivals again.

Sakyo:
And even to the loser go the spoils. We've already granted HIS wish, haven't we, Toguro?

Younger Toguro:
I seriously doubt Hiei would have been invited to return anyway after we tear his body into sections.

[Bui from team Toguro steps forward]

Hiei:
Yusuke, I planned on taking the thug with the sunglasses for myself, but after what he did to Genkai I believe vengeance belongs to you.

Yusuke Urameshi:
Thank you.

[Hiei enters the ring]

kuw:
Hiei?

Hiei:
But this thug will do just as well.

Juri:
Measuring at four foot ten without his hair - Hiei. At nine feet - Bui.

Koto:
Wow. Nine feet. That's tall, and it's more than enough man to go around, ladies. Then, again, Hiei has proved on numerous occasions that kick-ass things come in short packages, too.

Ogre:
Opportunity knocks, Hiei! If you hit 'im while he's kneeling, he won't be able to fight back!

Botan:
Hiei's an honorable person. Would never do something so deceitful. It's too beneath him.

Bui:
Most fighters wear armor to protect themselves from their opponent, but I'm the opposite. I actually wear this armor to protect my opponent from myself.

Kurama:
Wait. Neither fighter can control his energy. If they clash, the stadium could crumble.

Byakko:
Oh, ho, oh-ho, you filed me up so much with your energy I don't think I have room left to eat your body. Oh, well, I'll just crush you into pulp for later.

Yusuke Urameshi:
Sounds like an awful case of gas, if you ask me.

Kazuma Kuwabara:
Quiet, Urameshi. I'm tryin' to concentrate here, okay? I have to breath in the guy's fumes.

Yusuke Urameshi:
Monster, you piss me off!

Jaganshi Hiei:
There's no need to push yourself.

Kazuma Kuwabara:
Huh?

Jaganshi Hiei:
You have fought well enough. Now let Yusuke take over the battle so you can heal in the small chance that we need you later.

Kazuma Kuwabara:
I'm sorry, Hiei, but I just don't think I can do that. See, I got this thing called a code, and it says no matter how ugly a fight gets I always finish it, even if it means risking my life.

Jaganshi Hiei:
T-heh! A human with an honor code.

Yusuke Urameshi:
You can't argue with the guy. He's like a mule.

Youko Kurama:
Yes, he's almost as stubborn as you.

Byakko:
[from a distance] What, have you all surrendered?

Kazuma Kuwabara:
Shut up! I'm comin', ya impatient hair-ball!

Byakko:
You like it? I call it my Tiger Scream. Everything it touches transforms into a pile of ashes.

Kazuma Kuwabara:
Uh-oh.

Jaganshi Hiei:
For years I have heard of a fighter who could destroy molecular bonds with the vibration of his voice. I never thought I'd meet him.

Ogre:
Please, don't let these Saint Beasts win and invade the earth. So much paperwork.

Byakko:
Once again I'll let you choose your way to die: Either burn up in the lava or be eaten by me.

Kazuma Kuwabara:
I'm just happy I got to hit you. Now let's go to Hell together.

Yusuke Urameshi:
You know, I fought Hiei once before but, whoa, he never pulled these stunts: sword slashing, huge powers - and that nasty attitude we just can't resist.

Yusuke Urameshi:
Kurama, how terrible is that wound?

Youko Kurama:
Fine, as long as I can walk.

Jaganshi Hiei:
He'll survive but he's in no shape to fight. That means we have only three fighters left, and one of them is worthless.

Kazuma Kuwabara:
Hey, don't be so hard on yourself, short-stuff.

Yusuke Urameshi:
Maybe I'm going out on a limb here, but I think he meant you.

Koenma:
Wow. Kuwabara has greatly increased his powers, and no one even had to force him. Maybe I'll get rid of the smart-mouth and let HIM be Spirit Detective.

[Kuwabara shows off his new and advanced spirit sword]

Kazuma Kuwabara:
I don't gotta use the tip of that sword to make it work anymore. It's just my pure energy, and I bet it can kick the crap out of you spirit gun.

[Yusuke flips him the bird]

Yusuke Urameshi:
That depends on what finger I use.

Byakko:
Humans! I will rip you apart and eat you myself!

Jaganshi Hiei:
You really think you can beat him?

Kazuma Kuwabara:
Well, of course, half-pint. In fact, I'm not scared at all.

Yusuke Urameshi:
So I guess your legs are shaking out of eagerness?

[Kuwabara takes a stand before Byakko alone]

Byakko:
Oh, please! I can't stay angry if you make me laugh.

Kazuma Kuwabara:
I'm serious. Come down here so I can knock your lights out.

Byakko:
Ha ha ha ha ha ha. Stop it. I can tear you into little pieces with nothing but the hairs on my mane.

Jaganshi Hiei:
He has no strategy. He's just swinging his sword with the grace of a flyswatter. That's no way to survive.

Kazuma Kuwabara:
No use gettin' jealous of me just 'cause I'm good.

Yusuke Urameshi:
'Scuse me, sir. I don't like this one. You got chocolate with sprinkles?

Byakko:
Ha! I can smell your fear. Clearly your body knows something your brain does not.

Jaganshi Hiei:
Try looking closely at the two fighters. Judging from the attacks, Kuwabara's obviously had the upper hand, but by the looks of them it's as if Kuwabara's the one taking all the blows.

Kazuma Kuwabara:
I don't get it. If they're so bummed about their own lives, they should just take up rock climbing without ropes, risk themselves instead of blaming it on innocent people - or at least only pick on us tough guys.

Botan:
Emergency!

Yusuke Urameshi:
What is it, Botan? They run out of your hair dye?

Yusuke Urameshi:
Well, we won't save the world restin' our asses.

Kazuma Kuwabara:
Bye, guys!

Yusuke Urameshi:
Kuwabara, hold up! Kurama's school is this way, stupid. Don't tell me your direction has gone south, too.

Kazuma Kuwabara:
Sorry. I... can't go with you guys today.

Yusuke Urameshi:
Got the runs or somethin'?

Kazuma Kuwabara:
No, it's just... You know...

Yusuke Urameshi:
What the Hell does "You know" mean? That time of the month for you?

Botan:
[smacking Yusuke] You're being a pig.

Koenma:
Kurama! Why are you here?

Kurama:
I've come to pose a question.

Koenma:
Oh, brother!

Kurama:
I believe you know the true identity of the mastermind of this tunnel. Am I right?

Koenma:
Don't be ridiculous. If I knew who he was, don't you think I would have told you so you could stop him?

Kurama:
Perhaps not, if you feared he would defeat us. Your behavior has been an erratic blend of urgency and silence. I think you're scrambling because you don't know how we can win. That means you know things we do not, like his identity, and his past.

Koenma:
How dare you accuse me with some groundless hunch!

Kurama:
But I'm right, am I not?

Koenma:
Ohh... eh!

Kazuma Kuwabara:
You can let these friends of mine go, and I'll give you the fight you want. I accept your challenge.

Kiyoshi Mitarai a.k.a. Seaman:
You really don't get it. I'm not here to complete. I'm here to wipe out every human being.

[the match begins with Kurama standing but unconscious]

Bakken:
Not much of a challenge for me. I like that.

Koto:
Stop! I'm all for extreme pain and torture, you disgusting horse, but this guy's not even awake to enjoy it.

[Risho forbids Bakken from killing the unconscious Kurama]

Risho:
It's clear Yusuke cares more about that demon's life than this tournament. He's ready to fight every apparition in this stadium if he must. We need to win, not be involved in a revolt.

Additional Voices:
Have you forgotten you're trapped inside my force field?

Genkai:
Drop the act, Ruka. You've already realized you can't keep us in here for much longer. Our powers are returning, and yours will stay as meager as always.

Bakken:
What's so funny? Have I knocked you witless?

Yusuke Urameshi:
I'm laughing 'cause I'm relieved. You had me worried when you were punching Kurama, but now that I know how soft your fists are I feel a lot better.

Yusuke Urameshi:
Lemme explain what's about to happen. You basically have two real options here: You can either turn around and have me beat the crap out of you, or you can get on your hands and knees and start begging - and maybe, just maybe, I'll listen.

Bakken:
You dirty little son of a bi...!

[punch]

Koto:
I think it's clear what that huddled-over pose means. I only wish everyone in the audience could have heard those cracking bones.

Yusuke Urameshi:
Damn, I missed a few. You know, those lower ribs are harder to reach.

Bakken:
Just have some mercy on me.

Yusuke Urameshi:
Right, mercy, like the way you kept beating Kurama when he was laid out on the floor.

Yusuke Urameshi:
How you doin'?

Kurama:
I'll survive. Sorry I couldn't finish the first three of them as I planned.

Yusuke Urameshi:
Shut up. How are the wounds?

Kurama:
My injuries from Team Masho are nothing compared to this death plant. It will take a great deal of energy and concentration to remove. I suppose we really do reap what we sow, right?

[the boistrous crowd resumes its chant of "Kill Yusuke."]

Jin:
[with a thick Irish accent] Damn it. I can't believe the ruckus they're washin' up. You can't even make a thought. Of course I wouldn't mind if it weren't for the ears.

Yusuke Urameshi:
Huh?

Jin:
[indicates his own ears] See, they're all pointy, up and wigglin' unlike they were before. Gettin' that way when I'm happy or excited and I haven't been either in a very long time. But saw Biggy flyin' up all the way high and past. Voooo! Almost lost it. What? Di'n cha hear me? I'm talkin' 'bout the way ya knocked away Bakken's fog and then took him for a first-class ride on your fists, you know. I never did like that guy, and the wind around his pores was pretty stinky. Actually, I'm kinda glad you waxed him. Oh! Don't tell Risho I told you that.

Yusuke Urameshi:
You're a crazy bastard, you know that? You went and got me all in a good mood and I was about to use my anger at Bakken to pound you into the ground.

Jin:
Nah, don't lump me in with Biggy. He was just a jerk. Goin' in, barin' a grudge, is no way to start a fight, so it says. You'll never get any cheerin' up that way. Just good old fight-to-find-the-strongest-guy is all.

Yusuke Urameshi:
Here we go, Jin. I can't say my ears are pointing up, but I'm looking forward to this challenge.

Jin:
That's the spirit. Let's have some fun, then!

Jin:
So this is what the wind in the big bright and open feels like, huh? I always wanted to know.

Yusuke Urameshi:
[to Koenma] You're not ready to die, you just stopped teething.

Shinobu Sensui:
You are asking me to take your life, Yusuke?

Yusuke Urameshi:
Yeah, that's right. And do it with some style. I don't want some piss-poor, half-assed try. I know you can do it real quick.

Keiko Yukimura:
What's wrong Shizuru?

Shizuru Kuwabara:
My brother's heart. I can sense it breaking.

Shinobu Sensui:
[to himself] Why can't I bring myself to strike? I know he can't stop me. This is what I've been waiting for. It's judgment.

Kurama:
Kuwabara, Hiei and myself will join Yusuke in four-on-one combat using every tactic we have. We've gone far past the stage of fighting for our honor.

Kazuma Kuwabara:
And I'm ready.

Kurama:
We just need Itsuki to let us out of this creature. Perhaps torture would suffice.

Yusuke Urameshi:
What're you waiting for - your balls to drop?

Botan:
That was awfully bizarre turbulence. Something's been shaken up.

Shinobu Sensui:
For some reason I thought taking his life would bring catharsis. I even timed the video's climactic final scene as a requiem for his death. Instead I just feel a deeper sadness. Another soul lost fighting for the wrong side.

Yusuke Urameshi:
Why do you want these two guys dead so bad?

Hokushin:
Because our king does not like them, and if our king does not like someone, then neither do I.

Yusuke Urameshi:
Wow, how very lemming-like of you.

Keiko Yukimura:
Well, be sure to give me a call whenever you get back, Yusuke, so I can introduce you to my new boyfriend. Nice knowing you.

Mr. Yukimura:
Look, it's your friend Yusuke.

Keiko Yukimura:
You interrupted my studying for him?

Mr. Yukimura:
He wants an order of grilled beef with rice and...

Keiko Yukimura:
I know what he wants.

Mr. Yukimura:
Watch it, sweetie, or you'll burn it. If you keep cooking like that, no man will ever want to marry YOU.

Keiko Yukimura:
How enlightened of you.

Yusuke Urameshi:
What the Hell was that? All my punches were solid but he brushed 'em aside like broccoli he didn't order. Didn't even give me a chance to kick his ass.

Kurama:
As I thought, the two detectives are too much alike. With their similar background, it's akin to fighting your own reflection in the mirror, a futile war that can't be won. Sensui anticipates Yusuke's every move. It's what HE would do, only he's one step ahead.

Kiyoshi Mitarai a.k.a. Seaman:
Kuwabara - he's in danger.

Shizuru Kuwabara:
My brother may be accident prone, but with the others he's safe.

Kiyoshi Mitarai a.k.a. Seaman:
You're not understanding me. Mr. Sensui desperately wants to recruit him to his side.

Botan:
[together with Shizuru] Huh?

Shizuru Kuwabara:
You got the wrong guy. No one WANTS Kazuma on their side, they get stuck with him.

Yusuke Urameshi:
All right, guys, you go take care of the girls.

Koenma:
And, meanwhile, you'll be...?

Yusuke Urameshi:
Permanently retiring his ass.

Sensui Shinobu:
For such a dumb kid you've got a pretty smart mouth, Urameshi.

Keiko Yukimura:
Shizuzu, are you all right?

Shizuru Kuwabara:
Uh, I'm okay, but...

Keiko Yukimura:
But?

Shizuru Kuwabara:
...but unfortunately I can't say the same for my kid brother who, once again, has gotten himself in some serious danger. Those freaks wanna kidnap him, which isn't such a bad deal for me, but they're gonna use him to open the plastic wrap to Hell, so you MIGHT wanna tell Yusuke to keep him out of sight.

Sensui Shinobu:
They just don't make spirit detectives like they used to.

Yusuke Urameshi:
You mean crazy and evil? No, they sure don't, thank you! Bite me!

Koto:
Zeru's blows are fantastic, and Hiei must run for his life - along with a good deal of the fan base.

Zeru:
Huh! What a weak thing! You can rest in Hell!

Hiei:
My Jagan Eye may not be natural, but it does give me exactly what I need.

Koenma:
Dragon of the Darkness Flame. It's incredibly dangerous. My father talked of it once but I didn't think anyone could do it.

[Speaking of the Dragon of the Darkness Flame he's about to unleash]

Hiei:
You know, It's impossibly to control it completely. Once I release it, I have no say.

Hiei:
You should never have insulted the Jagan Eye because, you see, in a way it has its own mind and loathes disrespect. Resisting it is not something I would do.

Yusuke Urameshi:
yu- Hey, all you stupid demons, I've been tryin' to sleep through your clever trash talk long enough and I'm ready to kick some asses.

Keiko Yukimura:
kei- Great way to make friends, Yusuke.

Shizuru Kuwabara:
Shizuru- It's perfect. Tell 'em, kid.

[the crowd chants "Kill Yusuke."]

Kazuma Kuwabara:
Gee, that's intimidating. Never heard so many voices hate one person so much.

Hiei:
Heh! But can you really be surprised? Yusuke's become something of a boogeyman for the apparitions.

Kazuma Kuwabara:
Yeah... I guess he has beaten a bunch of their bad guy role models. But I've been helping Urameshi. Why didn't they scream "Kill me?"

Botan:
Perhaps because you lost?

Yusuke Urameshi:
[after waking up and jumping on to the ring] Waking up from the smell of alcohol... Can't help but feel a touch of home.

Kurama:
[thinks to himself] After all the explosions, a stink wakes him.

Yusuke Urameshi:
[yells really loud and with a smile] Hey all you stupid demons! I've been trying to sleep through you clever trash-talk long enough and I'm ready to kick some asses!

Kayko Ukimura:
[signs then yells] Great way to make friends, Yusuke!

Shizuru Kuwabara:
[smiles then yells out to be heard] It's perfect!

Shizuru Kuwabara:
[yells to Yusuke] You tell 'em, kid!

Koto:
Ladies and gentlemen, my name is Koto. I'll be your cute host for this year's tournament, and it's gonna be a messy one. For those in the first few rows, raincoats are available.

Crime Lord #3:
Take a look at the view, friend. This is the kind of privilege you can't get bein' good. A box seat to Hell before Lady Death takes us there herself.

Koenma:
I realize this tournament lowers the spirit crime rate in the living world. Keeps the demons occupied.

Ticket Scalper:
We are all fortunate to have such a wise ruler. I'm sure you also understand the only authority that's recognized here is brute force.

Ogre:
Watch yourself.

Ticket Scalper:
[chuckles] Just a warning, your royal majesty. Of course, I respect you completely but, hard as I try, I can't keep the masses from disagreein'.

Koenma:
How sad for you.

Koenma:
The blue-haired person on the end is my assistant, and apparently she has a very loud mouth.

Botan:
Ah-hoo, they're always get mean when they get handsome.

Rinku:
[facing Kuwabara] Damn it. Should've known I'd get stuck with the weak one. After all that embarrassment last night, I was hoping you'd run off.

Rinku:
So what's the point in counting? I broke the dummy's neck. Say, why don't you count his last heartbeats?

Youko Kurama:
They both greatly underestimate each other. I believe the first one to realize this will win.

Jaganshi Hiei:
Well, at any rate, it's an entertaining fight.

Rinku:
I know a fun new game. I'll throw my yo-yos and you try to stay alive.

Hiei:
You see, I told you Kuwabara's training wouldn't be enough. We'd best assume him dead and plan for the next fight.

Kurama:
No. There are still some techniques he hasn't tried.

Kazuma Kuwabara:
I'm gonna get you! You'll be screaming mommy!

Rinku:
Ugh. You're like fighting a brick. How many times d'I have to throw you around?

[Rinku raises Kuwabara high into the sky]

Shizuru Kuwabara:
Well, at least baby brother is getting a good view of the stadium, right?

Keiko Yukimura:
How can you joke right now? Don't you know what'll happen if he falls?

Shizuru Kuwabara:
That's easy - he'll die.

Botan:
Shizuru! You should be ashamed of yourself, provoking her like that. Keiko was worried because your brother's life happens to be hanging by a literal thread.

Shizuru Kuwabara:
[emotionless] And us getting upset will make a heck of a difference, won't it.

Keiko Yukimura:
[livid] Yusuke! How can you keep sleeping when your friend is in trouble with these nasty demons? Help him, Yusuke! Get off your lazy butt and help him!

Botan:
[observing from his box seat] Hmm. That girl has some real guts to be screaming for the human underdog in a crowd chock full of demons.

Ogre:
Yeah, kinda like sitting on the wrong side at an ogre's football game.

[a demon threatens Keiko, so Shizuru calmly puts out her cigarette on his tongue to send him away]

Botan:
So I see where Kuwabara got the need to defend himself growing up.

Shizuru Kuwabara:
Hm.

Kazuma Kuwabara:
You know, that rose whip he's got must be ten feet long. Where's he stash it? All the ways I can think of sound kind of painful.

Hiei:
Kurama simply carries a normal rose. By manipulating it with his spirit energy it's transformed into a whip. Even weeds can turn into a deadly weapon for Kurama.

Yusuke Urameshi:
You've got to be the stupidest, most immature brat that ever lived - and that means a lot coming from me.

Yusuke Urameshi:
Where the Hell you goin'?

Hiei:
I know as much of games as I do of hugs and puppies, and care for them even less. Wake me 'fore the end of the world.

Genkai:
Young people are stupid about life and death. They think they're invincible, too young to die, so they're not consumed with the fear of it. That's why armies recruit teenagers.

Genkai:
Sensui didn't want the boy thinking of the possibility of death; however, he counts on us to figure it out and think of nothing else. It fits into Sensui's pattern, testing our moral limits, seeing if we will justify the kill.

Announcer:
Game over! Hark and rejoice, for the evil Goblin King is dead and peace has been restored to the town.

Shizuru Kuwabara:
...when some things seem too good to be true, that's usually because it's actually evil and wants to break your heart.

Keiko Yukimura:
Uh, Shizuru? You still talking about insects?

Botan:
Great job, guys! That was the most painless apocalypse averted yet! You're welcome, world!

Koenma:
I hate to piss on your parade, but the end is still near.

Botan:
Koenma!

Koenma:
Activity in the pseudo-space has reached it's stable period when things quiet down, like the eye of a storm, giving us two hours before the final stage.

Botan:
What? I was told two days. You can't keep changing the ETA.

Koenma:
It's not a subway.

Yusuke Urameshi:
Hiei, you're a lot faster than any of us. We'll hold the ceiling up while you go and flip the switch.

Kazuma Kuwabara:
You crazy? We can't trust that guy. Just look. He doesn't care at all about us.

Jaganshi Hiei:
Your ugly friend has a good point, Detective.

Kazuma Kuwabara:
Who's ugly? Come here, you mouse!

Jaganshi Hiei:
Are you sure you want to trust me? I've already vowed my revenge on you. Maybe I'll handle that now.

Yusuke Urameshi:
Yeah, but I don't think quick deaths are your style.

Eye-Bat:
With the invasion of Earth, the Four Saint Beasts will control the future. Be smart. Join us. Perhaps you can be the general of our demon army.

Jaganshi Hiei:
Friends are just a crutch for the weak

Botan:
Yusuke, fighting people controlled by the insects takes time. That's why you need to get that whistle.

Yusuke Urameshi:
Okay. We're trying, but this castle is kind of rough.

Botan:
Well of course it is. No one's survived before.

Yusuke Urameshi:
Kurama, whadda you know about these Four Saint people? Botan pushed us down that hole like a couple of cows and I didn't have a chance to ask her.

Youko Kurama:
She wouldn't have told you much, I'm afraid.

Kazuma Kuwabara:
Huh?

Youko Kurama:
Ever since the barrier wall was raised around this city, Spirit World Intelligence virtually forgot this place existed.

[Kurama fills the room with rose petals]

Kazuma Kuwabara:
It smells girly. I don't think I like it.

Yusuke Urameshi:
Oh, sure. I guess he should be a tough guy like you and be obsessed with kittens.

Genbu:
Agh! How did you find me?

Youko Kurama:
Your smell. After filling the room with the rose's sweet aroma, your putrid odor was easy for me to find.

Genbu:
Ugh.

Yusuke Urameshi:
Well, that's no fair. Why's it none of my fights can end that quick?

Kazuma Kuwabara:
Listen, I just happened to place third in Master Genkai's fighting tournament. The only ones who beat me were Yusuke and an evil monster.

Jaganshi Hiei:
What's your point?

Yusuke Urameshi:
[laughing] I've heard of brass balls before, but - come on!

Kazuma Kuwabara:
[laughing] Yeah, I'd like to see him use the toilet.

Jaganshi Hiei:
If Kurama is injured, we're going to have some problems.

Jaganshi Hiei:
Friends are just a crutch for the weak.

Kazuma Kuwabara:
It really chaps my hide that we have to stand here and swallow this dweeb's abuse.

Yusuke Urameshi:
Botan. Prove to me who you are by telling me your boob size.

Botan:
Aw! Have you lost your mind completely? You and I both know that I've never told you anything of the sort!

Yusuke Urameshi:
You told me when we were on the roof of the school, remember?

Botan:
D'yeh... uh... eh... Hmm. Hmm. YOU just made that up! You disgusting PERVERT!

Yusuke Urameshi:
Damn it. And he almost fell for it, too.

Yusuke Urameshi:
What's your deal? Whadda you get outta doin' all this to us?

Asato Kido a.k.a. Shadow:
I was wondering when you'd ask that. You've made a lot of friends and enemies, Yusuke, and now we're doing one of them a special favor.

Kurama:
She was trying to teach a us a very valuable lesson. A lesson about perception.

Genkai:
Yes, and it's a lesson you must learn very well. I guarantee this won't be the last time you come in contact with individuals who possess the Power of Territory.

Genkai:
The four of you are well-trained fighters; however, as three of you have found out, there will be instances when your physical strength will not be able to help you, so you must depend on your mind. If you had used that lump three feet above your ass, you might o' held onto your soul. [to Hiei] Make that two feet for you.

Karasu:
Her spirit is so feeble it barely registers up here. Are you sure that dried up hag is the topic of our bedtime stories?

Kurama:
Demon souls stripped of their bodies. It's said their fury will destroy any living creature they touch. I advise using an energy barrier to ward them off.

Shishiwakamaru:
Now that you've witnessed the most awesome display of power ever unleashed at the Dark Tournament, there should be no debate about who the greatest showman is. Such impact on the audience. They will never forget the famous Shishiwakamaru.

Juri:
Oh-h-h-h-h.

Shishiwakamaru:
In killing the renowned Genkai, I've adopted her repute, bolstering my status as a living legend. Hm. I waited a long time for this. I only wish Genkai had been stronger so I could show my full power.

Juri:
[staring at the floor] That giant creator is right where I was standing. That means it could've been me who was blown apart. Ohh!

Genkai:
I know how you feel, little girl. That could've been me, too.

Hiei:
[impressed] Hm!

Kurama:
[admiringly] You still think she's weak?

Shishiwakamaru:
I'm surprised my sword sound alone didn't kill you, you withered old hag.

Genkai:
Yes. Silly me. I must have forgotten to turn my hearing aid on.

Two-Eyed Demon:
De nerve o' dat guy, attackin' the audience like dat! Who's he think he is?

Three-Eyed Demon:
YOU wanted to stick around longer to get mutilated and massacred, ya glutton for masocism.

Two-Eyed Demon:
Sorry, your majesty, for wanting to see Genkai meet her end.

Three-Eyed Demon:
And lose our heads in the process? I don't think so - I just had my horns done. Take me home. Next time, we're goin' t' da theater.

Yukina:
Why is he leaving us?

Shizuru Kuwabara:
[reproachfully] Simple. Because he's training to be a man.

Koenma:
She knocked Mr. Pompous right on his patoot!

Shishiwakamaru:
It'll take more than parlor tricks to keep a consummate champion like me down!

Shishiwakamaru:
I think I may have fallen in love. If things had turned out differenly for us, and if you looked like this all the time, we could have been together, once.

[He blacks out]

Genkai:
[sarcastically] Aren't I a lucky one?

[the crowd taunts]

Heckler One:
First the old lady, then the old man. When did this become a geriatric tournament?

Heckler Two:
I'd say break a leg but he might take it literally.

Heckler Three:
I'm more worried about his hip.

Onji:
That's fine. Mock me all you want, you fair-weather demons, but I can break both a leg and a hip - just as soon as we determine to whom they'll belong.

Kazuma Kuwabara:
Ladies and gentlemen and other stuff - Kuwabara returns! Well, this is a tough crowd. I've seen funeral parlors more happenin'.

[as the others run off, leaving Keiko behind with an unconscious Yusuke]

Keiko Yukimura:
Wait. Don't leave me here. What am I supposed to do?

Botan:
Oh, you know. Don't they teach you kids anything in health class anymore?

Keiko Yukimura:
What do you mean?

Botan:
Look around: The birds, the bees, the flowers and the trees.

Keiko Yukimura:
I'm not that kind of girl, Botan!

Botan:
I know a nosey diary-reading kitten who says otherwise. Meow.

Shizuru Kuwabara:
We'll leave you alone to figure it out.

Yukina:
Have fun with birds and bees.

Koto:
What is wrong with the Urameshi team? Have they forgotten how to throw a punch? How to do anything but run like sissies? Give us an offense.

Shizuru Kuwabara:
They're going to lose this round. It'd be a hard match even if Yusuke and my brother were fighting with everything they have, but they're not. They just feel too sorry for these guys.

Dr. Ichigaki:
[laughing] I can imagine the fun my robot's having right now with Hiei and Kurama. Against their statistics his percentage of victory was just over 80%. Yes! All my inventions are doing splendidly. My varuki most of all. Millions of micro-electronics pumping through their blood, controlling the nearby cells. The circulatory system reaches a human's every inch. Control the blood and the body is yours.

Koto:
In a selfless act unprecedented in the Dark Tournament, the masked fighter has taken a direct hit from M3 in order to save his teammate. Naturally I'll go check on the gruesomeness of his injuries.

Sakyo:
You should read our history books. We humans have always found brutalizing each other to hold a certain charm.

Dr. Ichigaki:
Give my invention its credit, dear boy. It's scientifically impossible for a person to resist the control of the varuka.

Kazuma Kuwabara:
They're good people, Botan. They'd never do this if they were given the choice. When the doctor found them, they were really upset and vulnerable... All they wanted was to be with their master. Ichigaki acted like it was just a little thing and then they'd be back together... I bet he never told 'em they'd be forced to murder, and that they'd never see their master again. It wasn't fair.

Yusuke Urameshi:
Stupid troll doctor! Ugly people shouldn't be allowed to smile that much.

Koto:
Hiei and Kurama, can you tell us where you've been?

Hiei:
Sorry. A thirty foot killing machine wanted a word with us.

Kurama:
Those veruki on the human fighters' backs are the source of Dr. Ichigaki's mind control. And in their present state I'm afraid it would be fatal to remove them.

Dr. Ichigaki:
You're unscientific minds are so trivial, fully blind to the larger picture. So maybe I DID infect Mitamura, maybe I lied to get their bodies, and maybe I enjoyed it. Who cares? Behind every lab discovery are a few poisoned rats.

Genkai:
Stop and think, boys. He's manipulating your emotions. You're losing what little focus you have.

Yusuke Urameshi:
I don't care if it's a trap or not - his troll ass is meeting my foot!

Yusuke Urameshi:
[to the fighters blocking Dr. Ichigaki] Give me a break! You're still protecting this guy?

Kazuma Kuwabara:
Come on, guys, at least say something. You heard the doctor himself. He doesn't care about...

Dr. Ichigaki:
[laughs] Have you learned nothing yet? Nothing you say can matter. Their old selves aren't in control. As the blood from the veruka enters the subject's skull, the micro-electronics alter their brain's chemistry. Their entire personality is changed. This isn't a simple hypnosis or once-suggested command. I'm talking about a constant voice in their head and, every waking moment, controlling them from the inside. They're not protecting me because I've given the command. Their new brain actually wants to.

Kazuma Kuwabara:
Their old selves haven't been erased, just covered up.

Ogre:
That boy is too kind-hearted for this tournament.

Koenma:
There comes a time when everyone has to stand up for what they believe in. Kuwabara may just have stood on the wrong foot.

Yusuke Urameshi:
These guys must be in a war with their own bodies, and they're losing.

Yusuke Urameshi:
[charging up his spirit gun] I'd say this is gonna hurt me more than it hurts you, but I don't like to lie.

Goki:
[manhandling Yusuke brutally] Oh, I forgotten how fragile humans are. Don't let me hit you too hard, now. I mean, I'd hate to bruise the meat. Suffer but... don't... die.

Koenma:
My dad's big on acceptable losses. He'll destroy whole cities, not to mention my precious backside.

Goki:
[speaking to the souls filling his belly] You see, children, it's not so bad. You can all play with each other in my stomach.

Goki:
Idiot! Didn't you listen to what I told you yesterday?

Yusuke Urameshi:
Yeah, of course I heard you. I'm just stupid.

Goki:
[while stomping on Yusuke] You give me a bigger appetite. There's something about those screams of pain.

Botan:
[speaking of Kurama's request] It's no coincidence that he asked for three more days. By then the moon will be completely full and the powers of the Forlorn Hope will reach their maximum. When that happens, the mirror will reflect the strongest desire of whoever looks into it, and it is said that the desire will be granted but the user must give something in return. Only a few people know what that something is.

Yusuke Urameshi:
I heard you had to dish out something to the Forlorn Hope in order to make it work. So do you know what that something is?

Youko Kurama:
Yes. Life.

Botan:
[elsewhere] Life? What does that mean?

Koenma:
Just like it sounds. The one who makes the wish, at the same time, loses their life. That's why it's called the Forlorn Hope. You should get a dictionary.

Botan:
Yusuke needs to know that!

Koenma:
Well, it's not like HE'S using it.

Yusuke Urameshi:
Mother, you just don't wallop an injured person!

Yusuke Urameshi:
Of course I heard you. I'm just stupid.

Yusuke Urameshi:
Monster, meet my spirit gun!

Kibano:
If you say you give up, I'll let you live.

Genkai:
[observing Yusuke]... This brat's spirit energy has a very unusual wavelength. It responds to desperation by getting stronger.

Genkai:
Stop dwelling on what-ifs. The reality is that he can't see and is about to get canned.

Koenma:
This battle is looking far from pleasant for Yusuke. And if Yusuke gets beaten and blows this case, I'm gonna get reamed for making him Spirit Detective.

Yusuke Urameshi:
Hello. I was expecting a more shocked reaction. Did you not just see me dodge your toys?

Kazemaru:
Heh. Not quite.

Botan:
Yusuke!

Kazuma Kuwabara:
How's he supposed to get out of this?

Genkai:
It might be a good time to tell him goodbye.

Yusuke Urameshi:
Getting blown to pieces is really gonna piss me off.

Genkai:
Only three fighters are left. I hope you're excited.

Kirin:
[regarding Hiei] Pardon my insolence, but why is Lord Murkuro so interested in this particular low-life? He's shown nothing more than A-class level since he's been here.

Rui:
The ice Apparitions live in a world devoid of men. Every 100 years, to each woman, a daughter is born through immaculate means. The baby is always female unless the mother has violated the laws of our society and conceived the child with a man.

Yukina:
If the only way our ice world can survive is for our people to freeze our hearts, well, then, they don't deserve to survive. That's how I feel.

Genkai:
It's too much. Your body can not take any more. I'm removing the Spirit Wave Orb before you're just a lump on the floor. Come on. Ah...

Yusuke Urameshi:
Hey! D'hey, give that back, you old b*tch!

Genkai:
Don't be an idiot, Yusuke. Making you absorb this energy so early was a gamble, and now we see why. All my training with you will be a waste of time if you're not even alive to fight against Toguro. Perhaps there's still time to put it off.

Yusuke Urameshi:
Shove it up your ass! You're not my freakin' mother, so don't try telling me what's good for me!

Onji:
Even with YOUR abilities, the Dragon of Darkness Flame can roast you like a blond chicken on a spit.

Koto:
Kuro Momotaro's body is now covered in hair. So much for those freshly waxed washboard abs I loved so dearly.

Kuro Momotaro:
My body does this neat trick where it remembers the pain of my opponent's attack. All I have to do to get immunity is expose myself to a small dose of my enemy's offense, kind of like a flu shot.

Koenma:
This is no time for misty watercolor nostalgia. Hiei is in serious danger.

Hiei:
Who am I to turn down a fan's request.

Kurama:
The flame took its toll on Hiei.

Kazuma Kuwabara:
What?

Kurama:
To summon the dragon, Hiei must use his own spirit energy as bait to lure it from the pits of Spirit World. His technique only works if he can emit a tremendous amount of energy for a prolonged period.

Onji:
[chuckling] Yes, you are correct.

Kurama:
Hiei was in peek condition when he used the Darkness Flame against Zeru, and even that wasn't enough power for him to control it. The beast nearly took the hook along with the bait.

Hiei:
Death will come long before surrender.

Yusuke Urameshi:
There's no way she'll make it!

Yu Kaito a.k.a. Taboo:
She's attacking the base directly. She would have to be flawless to survive that.

Genkai:
Thanks for the real votes of confidence. You two should be cheerleaders.

Tsukihito Amanuma a.k.a. Gamemaster:
[to Genkai] Hey, you really are GOOD for an old nobody.

Yusuke Urameshi:
[to Game Master] You always this cheerful when somebody kicks your ass?

Yusuke Urameshi:
Ha, yeah! Wouldn't you know it's a fighting game when my turn comes up. I'm feelin' lucky, old lady. Fortune's tappin' at my elbow.

Genkai:
That was me telling you not to be stupid.

Kiyoshi Mitarai a.k.a. Seaman:
He's so eager.

Kurama:
Yes. The first three rounds were necessary to follow the game's script, but this is what he's been waiting for.

Yusuke Urameshi:
He's a video game expert. You should see how smooth he is with the ladies.

Ogre:
The floor's so cold in there. I was scared I'd get frostbite.

Ogre:
Then you should put on a shirt.

Genkai:
I think this kid's far too young to be having control of us.

Yusuke Urameshi:
Yeah. He's probably still doing the velcro shoe thing.

Yusuke Urameshi:
All right, I'm gonna start charging you money for being vague.

Kurama:
It's not a matter of fighting for our lives here but for our time.

[I thought I was crazy Urameshi but you take the prize. The hell was that? You don't let bombs go boom in your face!]

Jin:
Took a punch straight in the face just for a chance to kick me. He's a crazy rat for sure.

Jin:
We're a pair in a pod, Urameshi, never wantin' to do anything the way people tell us to. Even if we don't make sense, better to be messy on your own than right under someone's watch. Am I right?

Yusuke Urameshi:
Well, yeah. Why let some teacher get the credit? Ha, I figure I've been doin' all right on my own so far.

Botan:
What in the world are they talking about up there? They're both smiling.

Kazuma Kuwabara:
Heh-heh. I think Urameshi's finally found someone he can play with.

Botan:
Oh.

Kazuma Kuwabara:
He's been a loner for about as long as I've known him, and Keiko's the only one who could talk to him - and I'll be darned if I understand that relationship - but this Jin guy's just the same, like a twin.

Botan:
Hm. Well, that'll make fighting with him difficult. What's wrong, Kurama? Are you all right?

Kurama:
Just laughing. It seems you don't know brothers very well, Bortan.

Yusuke Urameshi:
[to himself] Damn it! I'm flopping around like a windmill and he barely scratched me. Better avoid a direct hit.

Koto:
kLooks like Yusuke's got a date with the cement.

Koto:
I LOVE it. THERE'S the audience participation that makes the Dark Tournament so special. I imagine any of you who've survived that attack will remember it for YEARS to come.

Jin:
[laughing] Long time since I could fight somebody and actually have some cheer about it, you know?

Yusuke Urameshi:
[smiling in kind] I think I do.

Koto:
There. Both fighters are back in the ring and ready for some fresh new injuries.

Jin:
Oo! That's a wiggle.

Botan:
Listen, Miss Koto, why don't you stop this sadist routine and DO YOUR JOB?

Koto:
Excuse me?

Botan:
Jin's been out of the ring for half of the fight. Did it ever cross your mind to count to ten?

Koto:
Article 4: Fighters are outside the ring when any part of their body comes in contact with any solid surface other than the ring itself - and air is not solid.

Botan:
Oh!

Koto:
Stick to what you're good at, honey, like dying your hair unnatural colors, for instance.

Genkai:
The Spirit Gun should not be completely useless against Jin. There's one way to get past his defenses, but it will not be exactly safe.

Hiei:
Don't have to worry about Yusuke being afraid, at least. Risking his life is the only constant strategy he has.

Yusuke Urameshi:
Let's see who can take a bigger ass-kicking. SPIRIT GUN!

Jin:
I thought I was crazy, Urameshi, but you take the prize. T'e Hell was that? You don't make bombs go boom in your face.

Yusuke Urameshi:
Damn! At least one of us should've died.

Yusuke Urameshi:
So he's funny AND smart. That hardly seems fair.

Butajiri:
He could stand upside-down with his thumb up his ass for all I care: He's not gonna win.

Chu:
Then we'll have to settle this fight like a couple of manly boys.

Yusuke Urameshi:
I've got the balls.

Keiko Yukimura:
Shizuru, what on Earth is happening now?

Shizuru Kuwabara:
Well, they're gonna keep on going at it until it's all over.

Keiko Yukimura:
But they'll kill each other, Shizuru. Why can't they just stop fighting and call it a draw? Haven't they shed enough of each other's blood, yet? Haven't they?

Shizuru Kuwabara:
Look, Keiko, they're men, so they'll never be satisfied until they know which one wields a bigger knife.

Koto:
How odd that Chu has stabbed his knife into the ground instead of into Yusuke. I say it's odd because, the last time I checked, the ground doesn't bleed nearly as much as a person.

Koto:
Excuse me, sirs, but it's really not up to you to make the rules around here. We have a reputable tournament committee that gets paid to do that.

Kazuma Kuwabara:
Whoa! Are you watching this? Wh', I've never seen anything so impressive in my life. To them it's like nothing else exists. Such focus. And such pain. I wish that were me in there. This is no longer a fight between two guys. This is the stuff legends are made of. I can watch them fight for hours.

Shizuru Kuwabara:
[to herself] Great. If you had just kept a cigarette in your mouth, you wouldn't have had to put your foot in it.

[the hordes of demon spectators demand a bloody death]

Yusuke Urameshi:
Shut up! If you idiots got som'in' to say, SAY it, but say it to my face or else say it to my fist.

Botan:
[politely presenting Yusuke before Koenma] This is Yusuke Yurameshi and he's honored to meet you. [to Yusuke who stands quietly] Hey, are you trying to make me look stupid? Tell him how honored you are!

Yusuke Urameshi:
[laughing hysterically as he stands before the toddler who runs the universe] And to think I was scared of the mighty King Yama.

Koenma:
Well, to be more exact, I am the mighty Koenma, and I am the son of King Yama. Even though I appear to be a child, I've been around over fifty times longer than you have, so watch your mouth when you speak to me.

Yusuke Urameshi:
[still laughing] So it takes hundreds of years to move past a diaper.

Botan:
[punching Yusuke over the head] Can't you show an ounce of decency?

Koenma:
Actually I'm proud to say that in addition to knowing the greatest secrets of the universe I am also quite potty trained. Now let's skip to the business, shall we?

Yusuke Urameshi:
Well, how do we tell 'em to keep my body twenty feet from the nearest oven?

Botan:
Human beings are more attuned to the supernatural when they're asleep, and so ghosts can talk to people in their dreams.

Yusuke Urameshi:
Well, I'll be darned.

Yusuke Urameshi:
Boton, is there any other way to communicate with living people? This dream business isn't gonna cut it.

Kazuma Kuwabara:
[on his ability to sense ghosts] I've had "the tickle" ever since kindergarten. Voices chase me home at night. Scary old women whisper things to me in my dreams. Well... sometimes they're nice; usually there're not. I think it's 'cause they know I'm kind of a natural leader.

Yusuke Urameshi:
[observing as a spirit] That's a surprise. That goof actually has a purpose?

Yusuke Urameshi:
[after a failed attempt to convince others he's inside Kuwabara] That could have been better. We should have special passwords for times like this.

Yusuke Urameshi:
[at the prospect of possessing Kuwabara] You can forget it, Boton. There is no way I am taking control of that lame brain.

Botan:
[gleefully reminding him of the threat of cremation] Here's my impression of Yusuke: "Look at me. I'm burning. Ah ha ha ha."

Kazuma Kuwabara:
[inhabited by Yusuke] Okay, now I'm pissed!

Kayko Yukimura:
Atsuko, I have to tell you about Yusuke. He... he might be coming back.

Atsuko Urameshi:
He already has.

Kayko Yukimura:
Huh?

Atsuko Urameshi:
I opened up his coffin again because - well, I was gonna smack him one more time for leaving me - but then I saw Yusuke's cheeks have some color, and his skin is slightly warm. His heart is beating. It's slow but... my boy's alive.

Yusuke Urameshi:
Those demons are just lining up for a shot at us - not the kind of crowd you wanna be stuck in a cave with.

Shinobu Sensui:
C-class apparitions are like seeds, abundant and worthless, but one of every hundred grows into a B-class with brains and strength that can easily surpass a human's. Want to tell us first-hand, Hiei and Kurama? And then from the B-class a handful take the next big leap, intellect close to omnipotence, bodies of huge size and power, creatures fit for human legend, like the Titans of Greek myth.

Yusuke Urameshi:
I getting really tired of hearing you talk.

Shinobu Sensui:
They are the A-class demons. They're probably watching us right now from the pits of Demon World, waiting for their chance to rise to glory.

Yusuke Urameshi:
Share me the pep rally. You're gonna kill people you were supposed to protect.

Shinobu Sensui:
My job was to protect the universe as a whole, and that's exactly what I'm doing.

Shinobu Sensui:
If you can kill Mr. Makihara right now, I'll give Kuwabara back to you unharmed.

Yusuke Urameshi:
What?

Kazuma Kuwabara:
[bound and gagged] Thay yeth! Thay yeth!

Shinobu Sensui:
It's your choice. If you refuse the challenge, I'll deflect any other attack you make by using Kuwabara as a human shield.

Itsuki:
[to himself] Clever tactic, Mr. Sensui. Control their actions by making them believe they have a chance. Instead of trying to predict their next move, you make it FOR them.

Sadao Makihara a.k.a. Gourmet:
Touching, Seaman. You want to save Kuwabara so very badly because he saved you, but at the same time you're terrified of letting Sensui find out how much your new buddy means to you, aren't you?

Kiyoshi Mitarai a.k.a. Seaman:
What?

Sadao Makihara a.k.a. Gourmet:
You're scared Sensui will kill him to punish you for being a traitor. But you've got a juicier one, don't you, Kurama? You're a lot more torn up from killing Gamemaster than Yusuke believes. Not only are you riddled with guilt, you're embarrassed. Yoko Kurama would never be so weak.

Yusuke Urameshi:
It's like he's lifting thoughts straight from our brains. The only one I know who can do that is - Ah! - Murota!

Sadao Makihara a.k.a. Gourmet:
Bingo! That old flimsy? Haven't you wondered where he's been since the hospital let him out?

Yusuke Urameshi:
Eating my teammate - that's on my ass-kick list.

Kurama:
I'll take this one, Yusuke. Don't argue. I am not in the mood.

Yusuke Urameshi:
Mental note: Never tell Kurama he's letting his fox side down.

Shinobu Sensui:
When Toguro told me about the many achievements of the new Spirit Detective, Yusuke Urameshi, I could feel the hands of the universe tugging at my arm. In the trial against humanity, the defense now had an able attorney. At last I could begin the sentencing.

Elder Toguro:
Sensui gathered up a bunch of these new psychics for his plan, including this brainless lump. You see, we both agreed my regeneration was taking too long. I needed another body, so Sensui let this ogre take me, making him think that I was the one being betrayed. Merciless, really. The poor ape had no idea what he'd swallowed. I'm like a cockroach with a brain. The best was when he realized what was happening. That's when he became afraid. Fear is pleasure enough from the outside, but I felt his terror from within as I slowly took him over. It was palpable, a fear so thick I could eat it.

[Elder Toguro laughs maniacally]

Kurama:
That's enough. You've survived for far too long, and now it ends.

Elder Toguro:
What's wrong with you? Why don't you scream and die?

Kurama:
It's the sinning tree.

Yusuke Urameshi:
The sinning tree? Sounds a bit heavy.

Kurama:
It ensnares your mind with hallucinations of wickedness while it sucks away your life.

Yusuke Urameshi:
Wow, that's freaky. He still thinks he's fighting you even now when he's all wrapped up?

Kurama:
Yes.

Kurama:
The tree won't stop until its host is dead. As you said, Toguro, your regenerative powers make you unable to die.

Elder Toguro:
I feel so weak!

Kurama:
You will suffer for eternity here, torn between your hate and your agony - and so be it.

Butajiri:
There you are Sakyo. I've been looking all over for you. You do have a VIP ticket, you know. Why you sharing ass space with these animals?

Sayko:
Apparitions don't pretend to know what's going to happen. It's more exciting that way.

Butajiri:
How do you like that medical tent scheme I came up with? Sure didn't take much to get the committee going along. They just want that Yusuke kid dead.

Hiei:
It's hopeless.

Genkai:
Kurama still has one weapon he can use - time. The first curse should wear off soon, then Kurama will be able to move if he can stall Touya long enough. Perhaps he can regain his energy, too.

Hiei:
That's nice, but I'd rather stay realistic.

Hiei:
Huh. The ninjas are revolting.

Genkai:
The Shinobi have survived for centuries by each master passing their knowledge to one apprentice before he dies. The previous masters must have made poor selections. These fighters don't know their place.

Touya:
Let's cease with the conversation. I know that you're simply trying to bide time for that seal to wear off.

Kurama:
I admit - you've caught me with my hands red.

Keiko Yukimura:
Hurry, Yusuke! What're you standing around for? Get in there and save your friend's life!

Shizuru Kuwabara:
Don't bother. You know it's against the rules for him to do that.

Keiko Yukimura:
It's somebody's life. Who cares about the dumb rules. Get in there, Yusuke!

Shizuru Kuwabara:
[amused] Well, THERE'S a change of attitude.

Kurama:
His wits match my own. Unless I can find a way to my energy soon, he'll bleed me to death.

Touya:
[to himself] This doesn't make sense. No one could survive all those direct hits from my ice attack, not unless...

Touya:
[aloud] You really ARE dangerous, aren't you? I haven't been making direct hits. You've been blocking your vital points with your own body. You must be very old. Experienced, perhaps, as I am.

Kurama:
More alike than you know.

Hiei:
Strange. Almost as if Kurama's taking this fight personally.

Touya:
It seems that I got to know you quite well in such a short fight and I rather like you. Let's not have this slaying ruin our friendship.

Kurama:
My thoughts exactly.

Touya:
Now, you shouldn't have run. I can't guarantee a painless kill that way. Kurama - farewell!

Botan:
Like the saying: They can cut your skin as long as you break their bones.

Gambler 1:
Ha ha ha ha ha. Poor Tarukane. He's going to have a conniption before this is finished.

Gambler 2:
Can't blame him. It's not often that your whole financial future is bet on one match.

Gambler 3:
Sixty-six trillion dollars. The loser's gonna sell everything from their cufflinks to their organs. Imagine THAT on your back.

Kazuma Kuwabara:
Hey, who are those people? They're watching us risk our lives like it's funny.

Botan:
It's awful.

Toguro Ototo:
[mockingly] If we get tired, please, allow us to tap out.

Toguro Ototo:
Hm. Managed to step back just enough to avoid a fatal blow. I'm surprised you had enough intellect to do that.

Toguro Ototo:
Did I forget to tell you? My brother makes an excellent defensive weapon.

Toguro Ototo:
I was only being a professional, though I was hoping you'd provide me MUCH MORE ENTERTAINMENT THAN THIS!

Youko Kurama:
I don't belong here. Voyeurism has never been my strength. Excuse me.

Gonzou Tarukane:
Feel free to take a little extra time with them, Toguro. I know how all you demon creatures are into torturing. Besides, my Black Black Club could use some good dirty fun.

Youko Kurama:
Why don't you want to tell the girl? She deserves to know she has a brother.

Jaganshi Hiei:
She deserves to be happy.

Youko Kurama:
I thought the two were the same.

Jaganshi Hiei:
This is the way I want it.

Narrator:
Deciding to pass her technique to one person before she dies, Genkai is holding a contest to find the most worthy pupil. Yusuke must win to insure her powers don't fall into the wrong hands, because spirit world has discovered a disturbing fact: one of the eight finalists could be a demon in disguise.

Genkai:
From here on, you can forget about sympathy. The final test will be a tournament between the eight of you until one is standing. You'll fight until your opponent is dead or incapacitated - I don't care which.

Kazuma Kuwabara:
Hey! What's wrong with the lights? I don't like that, lady!

Yusuke Urameshi:
Yeah, Grandma. What do you expect - us to fight in the dark?

Genkai:
Yes, you little crap, that's exactly what I expect. You must use your spirit awareness to see. Use weapons if you've got them. Hit 'em where you like. Anything goes. The winner is the one who can walk back alive.

Yusuke Urameshi:
Sounds like a typical Saturday morning street fight, huh, Kuwabara?

Kazuma Kuwabara:
I got a bad hunch, like some of that scary stuff in the forest has followed us here somehow, you know? Like some beast has been stalking me all this way, but he's too afraid to attack me.

Yusuke Urameshi:
Well, that proves it, then. After all those tests, Rando must still be after Genkai's technique.

Kazuma Kuwabara:
Who's Rando? Is he the beast?

Yusuke Urameshi:
Somethin' like that. I don't have time to explain now. Just tell me - is that hunch coming from one of those guys?

Kazuma Kuwabara:
Hard to say. I think the feeling is hidden really good. It's just hanging in the air and I can't tell where it's coming from, sort of like a... a...

Yusuke Urameshi:
Sort of like a fart in a crammed elevator?

Kazuma Kuwabara:
Well, yeah, I guess so.

Genkai:
Young man, I am a psychic, not a saint. I'll train whoever is strongest, regardless of any moral shortcomings.

Yusuke Urameshi:
[to himself] I don't believe this hag. Now I REALLY have to win.

Genkai:
[impressed with Kuwabara] Normally spirit energy cycles through the body and is very hard to control, but when his life was endangered he instinctively used his high spirit awareness to manipulate his energy into a solid object, in this case into a sword.

Botan:
I guess Kuwabara won't be so easy to beat from now on, huh?

Yusuke Urameshi:
Heh. Well at least he's still ugly.

Kazuma Kuwabara:
You better not lose before our fight.

Yusuke Urameshi:
Please! Like I'd miss a chance to beat you up.

Genkai:
Let's not waste my time. The fourth match is Kabano versus Dimwit.

Kazuma Kuwabara:
Heh, I think that's you.

Yusuke Urameshi:
And I thought my name was Yusuke.

Genkai:
Amy more delay and I'll take it as a forfeit.

Yusuke Urameshi:
Gee, somethin' tells me you're still mad about that grandma comment. You really need to enjoy life more, old lady.

Kabano:
You have a very unusual aura, as if your body has been through great danger. Perfect. That will make you easier to find.

Kuwabara:
[about his spirit sword] Uh, pretty cool... but how do I turn it off?

Yusuke Urameshi:
What the Hell's YOUR problem, old lady?

Genkai:
I thought you were leaving the group to look after Kuwabara.

Yusuke Urameshi:
I SAID I was goin' out to the arcade, Miss Senile!

Genkai:
How old are YOU? Kuwabara can't use his powers right now and killers are stalking us; ergo, you choose to play pinball.

Genkai:
Kuwabara is gifted with unparalleled Spirit Awareness. I believe his body sensed the coming danger months ago and began a transformation to prepare for it without him consciously knowing. What I fear is, if the enemies realize this, he won't be their last target then - he'll be their first.

Yusuke Urameshi:
[angrily] Well, thanks for tellin' me so soon!

Miyamoto:
Hey, it's okay, man, we know there's no chance to save us. Just go. One of us should live on, right?

Kazuma Kuwabara:
We've been best friends since our first street brawl. Whether it's livin' or dyin', we're doin' it together.

Kiyoshi Mitarai a.k.a. Seaman:
You can't mean that. You're human like us all. No one would make that kind of sacrifice.

Kiyoshi Mitarai a.k.a. Seaman:
Enough of your puffed up ideals. That's not what the world is really like.

Kiyoshi Mitarai a.k.a. Seaman:
Oh, don't be stupid. You're in MY territory now, a dimension made entirely of water. You can no sooner escape it than you can leap into another dimension. The territory remains unless I'm knocked out, but you can't reach me now. You have to escape to beat me and beat me to escape - a real bind. I guess we've shown who's convictions win in the end. Look, you're friends have already drowned.

[Kuwabara murmers things while sleeping on the floor. Shizuru explains]

Shizuru Kuwabara:
Sleep talking - sleep walking without the bruises.

Kiyoshi Mitarai a.k.a. Seaman:
You don't understand. You haven't seen what I have. We should all die.

Kurama:
Clarify "all." You mean your fellow psychics?

Kiyoshi Mitarai a.k.a. Seaman:
No, I mean all of us - humans. You'd all think so too if you saw the video tape.

Botan:
What video?

Yusuke Urameshi:
Yeah, and say it with more feeling.

Kurama:
Chapter Black. Amazing.

Yusuke Urameshi:
I'm guessing you've heard of it.

Kurama:
It's legendary. Hiei's wanted to get his hands on that tape for years.

Yusuke Urameshi:
That good of a flick, huh?

Kurama:
It is a piece of intelligence, supposedly kept in the deepest bowels of Spirit World's records department. Over its millennia of existence the human race has committed very heinous crimes against others and their own. This video tape is a compilation. It documents the most unspeakable acts of horror. It is said to run thousands of hours. I knew well of the tape's existence but never imagined it could be an impetus in this case.

Kurama:
The capacity for evil is but one ingredient in the human soul.

Kurama:
Koenma knows the exact identity of our foe.

Yusuke Urameshi:
He what!

Kurama:
I've planned a formal meeting to... uh...

Yusuke Urameshi:
[on the vis-a-phone to Spirit World] Earth to Toddler-B*tch! You better speak now before I forever put that pacifier ten inches down your throat.

Kurama:
[to himself] Not quite what I planned.

Koenma:
Hey, Yusuke. I'm glad to see you've regained some enthusiasm. It's good in small doses.

Sensui Shinobu:
I've given you a chance, Koenma. I've waited until you found my replacement. Now it's time to settle the question, "Should human beings live or die?"

Keiko Yukimura:
Are you trying to hide something from me?

Yusuke Urameshi:
No. Why?

Keiko Yukimura:
There's a cassette in your armpit.

Yusuke Urameshi:
Okay, Botan, what the hell kind of explanation did you give her? She thinks I'm a friggin' intern in some screwed up after-school program - for juvenile delinquents!

Botan:
Well, I had to make up something believable to explain your absence without mentioning the supernatural. A basic tenet of Spirit World is that it can't run properly if normal humans have proof of it.

Yusuke Urameshi:
Well, you made me sound lame.

Yusuke Urameshi:
You look miserable.

Kazuma Kuwabara:
I think I'm in love.

Shizuru Kuwabara:
That's my baby brother for you. Better eat your snacks. It'll take him a few hours to realize he doesn't know where he's going.

[Gazing up at a mountain]

Yusuke Urameshi:
Wow. Now this is a big waste of space.

Botan:
You know, Yusuke, some people like the wilderness.

Yusuke Urameshi:
Yeah - old hermits and people who don't know how to talk to girls.

Yusuke Urameshi:
Yeah, this place smells like ass. You know, there's no way we're gonna find this house by nightfall.

Kazuma Kuwabara:
The forest looked a lot smaller in the map.

Guard:
You're on private property, boys and girls. You had better leave.

Kazuma Kuwabara:
We can't leave. We just got here.

Yusuke Urameshi:
Yeah, we're lost, and the birds ate our breadcrumbs.

Botan:
Pretty please, let us stay at your master's house.

[after Kuwabara rants about his new love of Yukina]

Yusuke Urameshi:
I guess he's done being in love with you, Botan.

Botan:
[Sarcasticly] Darn.

[after Kuwabara rants about his new love for Yukina]

Yusuke Urameshi:
I guess he's done being in love with you, Botan.

Botan:
[sarcastically] Darn...

Yusuke Urameshi:
Ah. We're done sittin' on our asses waitin' patiently.

Genkai:
Stick a sock in it, you impulsive twit. The tunnel opens in two days; your sarcasm won't close it any faster.

Kurama:
...I seriously doubt Kuwabara would ever willingly help Sensui.

Kiyoshi Mitarai a.k.a. Seaman:
But they don't need him to because they have Gourmet.

Kurama:
Right. According to Mitarai, they're most likely going to have this Gormet EAT his powers so that he can then use them to break the Kekkai Barrier.

Kiyoshi Mitarai a.k.a. Seaman:
I saw him do it once and it was the most horrific thing I'd ever seen. He consumes their abilities by literally eating them whole while they're still alive.

Botan:
Yegh!

Yusuke Urameshi:
Does he at least put something on 'em? Mustard? Chili?

Kiyoshi Mitarai a.k.a. Seaman:
No, he just eats them.

Genkai:
Down, boy. Before you go getting all dimwitted and fist-happy, we should send a small group to scout out the cave.

Cop:
Well, you've been very helpful. Thank you. If you think of anything else - call my partner.

Hiei:
So this is the entrance to Hell. It's drearier than I expected.

Yusuke Urameshi:
Well, what're we waiting for?

Hiei:
You to stop talking.

Yusuke Urameshi:
Does "fitting in" mean we gotta dress up like medieval knights? 'Cause I left my breast shield in my closet.

Kazuma Kuwabara:
You know, I don't like you very much, and when Urameshi cuts me loose the first thing I'm gonna do is hunt you down and use my Spirit Sword to shred you like a bank statement.

Sadao Makihara a.k.a. Gourmet:
Pretty big words comin' from a guy who's as hard to catch as the case of the clap.

Koenma:
Everything is A-okay now.

[Seeing Kuwabara's body, motionless on the ground]

Yusuke Urameshi:
No, it's not. No, it's not! Damn it!

Kurama:
Just stay with us, Kuwabara. Just stay with us. Hold on! Your pulse is still strong.

Kazuma Kuwabara:
Yeah, that's right. Don't worry. Toguro missed my virtals, but keep lookin' at me like you're sad. Urameshi could use some... shock treatment.

[Yusuke teaches Kuwabara "a lesson" with his fists]

Koenma:
Yusuke, teach him any more and you'll actually kill him. That's kind of against the point, isn't it?

[the winners speculate over how Kuwabara survived Toguro's attack]

Kurama:
I suggest an alternative - that Toguro didn't want Kuwabara to die. He intended to miss from the start. I believe that the ultimate outcome of this fight was precisely what Toguro had been looking for.

Kazuma Kuwabara:
So he threw the fight?

Kurama:
No. He wanted to be legitimately defeated by someone stronger.

Kazuma Kuwabara:
Huh, why?

Koenma:
Maybe he felt guilty choosing strength over his friends and for ditching the one he cared about most.

Sakyo:
I think Kurama's right.

Yusuke Urameshi:
What the Hell...

Sakyo:
I only knew him a couple of years, but thinking back, the signs were in neon lights. Toguro's poker-face was famous. When he saw Yusuke barrel into Torukane's stronghold, it was one of the few times I saw him lose a grin. I just thought he was anxious to kill you, but that's what I get projecting my tastes onto his. In the greatest moment facing the greatest opponent he was able to face a great end. It's the dream of every true competitor.

Sakyo:
It's been a most enjoyable game.

Koenma:
Bet's off. You've lost your fortune. You're no threat to me now.

Sakyo:
Such kind words, but where's the thrill in gambling if you know you can get out of all your bets? Don't worry. I'll take care of it myself.

[as the stadium collapses around them]

Juri:
[fearfully] No! I don't wanna die as a virgin!

Koto:
[perkily] Oh, people. Juri's just revealed a shocker that I never would've guessed at her popular stint at the committee cocktail lounge. Well, as dutiful as I am to the awards, I think this cause is a little more noble. Let's find you a man! [grabs Juri and runs out]

Botan:
Yusuke, Keiko's not well.

Yusuke Urameshi:
What?

Botan:
Post-traumatic stress - and, like everything else, she excels at it.

Chu:
We can't let our champion team get hurt now.

Jin:
Right he is. When the tourney next around comes by and we'll all have to face you ourselves and we'll have new muscles on us and - whowee! - you'll go zippin' and we'll be the champions o' that one!

Yusuke Urameshi:
[smiling] Right, whatever he said.

Ogre:
Koenma, sir, PLEASE don't leave this place without me.

Koenma:
So the prodigal moron returns.

Kazuma Kuwabara:
What's a matter, Botan?

Botan:
The prizes for winning the tournament. You were each supposed to get whatever you wanted. We didn't even get a souvenir mug.

Kazuma Kuwabara:
Oh, I was gonna get famous.

Botan:
What a crock!

Yusuke Urameshi:
It don't matter.

Kazuma Kuwabara:
Huh?

Yusuke Urameshi:
Those bastards up in the tournament committee, they couldn't have given us what we wanted anyway.

Yusuke Urameshi:
The pain we lovingly call the Dark Tournament is now thankfully over. Now we can all go back home and not have to look at each other for awhile.

Kuro Momotaro:
You convinced yet? There's nothing you can do to beat me. You might as well stay on the ground and think of a nice way to beg.

Hiei:
Never. You'll have to rip my limbs off to keep me down.

Kurama:
Shouldn't give him any more suggestions, Hiei.

Kazuma Kuwabara:
Yeah, that's a good point.

Koto:
It appears Hiei is simply unable to compete with the strength and power of the new and improved Kuro. Amputation seems to be guaranteed.

Onji:
Make no mistake: This is still Kuro's match to lose. I have faith in those weapons but I'd feel much better if he'd stop showing off and take care of his business.

Kurama:
I've never known Hiei to back away from a challenger.

Kazuma Kuwabara:
Well, it does have a lot of teeth.

Hiei:
I hate to use this attack. I find it totally devoid of any taste or artistry.

Kazuma Kuwabara:
Well, THAT'S hard to believe. There's actually a move that's too barbaric for Hiei.

Kurama:
Then it's probably going to be very messy.

Kuro Momotaro:
Ha! Don't hold back on me because something's offensive. I'm no snob. I was planning on a vulgar move myself.

Kazuma Kuwabara:
Hey, wait a second. Were you saying back there that my spirit sword didn't have any taste or artistry?

Hiei:
Heh. Of course I did.

Juri:
Since all pieces of Kuro Momotaro have stayed down for more than ten seconds, the winner of the match is Hiei.

[the crowd voices its great displeasure]

Juri:
I'm sorry, folks, but the rules are the rules. If it makes you feel any better, Hiei looks like he hurt himself pretty bad.

Koto:
Wow. This is an incredible display of equally matched talents. And while there's no blood to speak of yet, those sparks keep me hopeful.

Hiei:
Kurama needs to stop fooling around and start fighting for real.

Kazuma Kuwabara:
What? He's whip-swingin' like a maniac!

Hiei:
Have you learned anything?

Kazuma Kuwabara:
Deh...

Hiei:
It's Kurama's obnoxious habit. He never creates his own strategy until he fully understands his opponent's.

Koenma:
You'd think V.I.P. box seats would entitle me to a sweet view of the action, but I can't see a thing. There's obviously a lot of excitement brewing down there now that Kurama has transformed into Yoko, the powerful and cold-hearted spirit fox. It's just not fair that I manage the team and I can't see diddly while you get a great view. What did you ever do - but sit on your butt and turn the television on?

Keiko Yukimura:
They're on a roll, Shizuru. They can do it.

Shizuru Kuwabara:
I'm not sure what tournament you're watching. Half the team I'm cheering on can't walk now.

Announcer:
May I have your attention, please. The Tournament Committee will be instituting a medical examination before the next round.

Yusuke Urameshi:
What is this, gym class?

Announcer:
Due to the Urameshi team fighting without rest, and in accordance to section 13 of the tournament index, report to the medical tent.

Yusuke Urameshi:
As long as they don't grab my balls and make me cough.

Kurama:
Obviously, the committee is against us.

Hiei:
You're playing a dangerous game, Kurama. Waiting to gauge the enemy's weakness before you attack. You could at least draw your weapon.

Koto:
Kurama's arms and legs are completely useless. He can do nothing but stand and wait for his bloody demise.

Kurama:
Don't waste your breath in conversation. I know with the power you're using to restrain me you could easily heal your injuries. Release me and I will let you walk away with your life.

Gama:
Convincing, aren't you, but the battle isn't over yet.

Kurama:
Even with my arms and legs bound, you're in no shape to fight me. Don't die pointlessly, Gama. You're too intelligent for that.

Juri:
And by the unquestionable authority of randomly rolled dice, Kuwabara and Onji will fight, starting right now.

[a gang of demons discover Yusuke asleep under a tree]

Gorilla Demon:
You know what this means for us, don't cha, boys? It means all those years of avoiding steady employment finally paid off. Once we whack Urameshi, they'll make us into heroes. We can have anything we want. Here's to glory!

[Koenma studies playing cards are laid out on a table]

Koenma:
Hmm. This isn't good.

Ogre:
I don't know, sir. Couldn't you put the seven of spades on the eight of hearts and move the ace on top?

Koenma:
I'm not playing solitaire, you moron. I'm fortune telling to see who'll win this match, but I keep drawing the joker and I have no idea what that could mean.

Ogre:
Maybe - "You should enjoy life more" - sir?

Koenma:
I don't think that's it.

[Kuwabara runs straight into Onji's conjured bubble]

Kurama:
I can't believe he walked right into that trap on his own.

Hiei:
He is a first-class fool.

Genkai:
Agreed - a fool AND and a moron.

Onji:
[chuckles] So, it's the Unmasked Warrior's turn to meet her doom. Isn't this a riot - the Battle of the Elderly?

Genkai:
Why don't you drop your tired act and lose the disguise? You won't be fooling anyone else with that crappy mask.

Onji:
Hmm?

Kurama:
Disguise?

Genkai:
I don't know who you are, but you're no old man. And in case you haven't noticed, I'm not the kind of person who will underestimate you based on false age.

Onji:
You've got a pretty sharp eye there for such an ugly, worn, past-its-prime body. You're the first to notice. I even masked my own energy. You see, disguise is one of my favorite hobbies.

[Onji tears off half his face]

Juri:
Ugh-gh-gh-gh.

Onji:
To be brutally honest, there are few things I find more repulsive than old people. That moth ball smell that hovers around them makes me absolutely wretch. That's why I chose this get-up: I thought wearing the skin of something I abhorred would all the more fuel my rage.

Suzuka:
You must never refer to me by my proper name without placing "Beautiful" in front of it or you won't live to repeat your mistake. "Beautiful" is a word made just for me, and we two shall never part.

Genkai:
Fruitcake!

Hiei:
This idiot makes Kuwabara seem smart.

Kurama:
I admit, I'm embarrassed listening to him.

Koenma:
Why, I like the way this cracked walnut thinks.

Ogre:
But he's nuts, sir.

Genkai:
For somebody who wants to be known by the world, you sure hide behind a lot of masks. You must be compensating for something abysmal.

Suzuka:
The greatest legends are all shrouded in ambiguity. It seems the imagination is more captivated by the unknown. People are simply more inclined to build up in their own minds that which they can not see or which have multiple incarnations. Look at how they fear The Devil and revere God. With mystery comes colossal power.

[Suzuka laughs at disclosing his master plan for everlasting fame]

Hiei:
I don't get what's so funny.

Kurama:
I thought clowns made everybody ELSE laugh.

Botan:
Go back to the circus you ridiculous-looking clown!

Shizuru Kuwabara:
[flipping the finger] Obey this, a**hole.

[Suzuka fires a blast into the audience, killing a section of spectators near to Botan and Shizuru]

Suzuka:
I'm not a fan of insubordination.

[Having incinerated part of the audience with an energy blast]

Suzuka:
I guess I fired them up. Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha...

[Admiring his own colorful attack on Genkai]

Suzuka:
It's truly a spectacular attack. Not only is it lethal but it's killer to look at.

[Having swiped Suzuka's rubber clown nose without his notice]

Genkai:
You've lost a nose. Who care? I'VE ripped off vital organs that were real.

Suzuka:
But I feel so naked without it.

Kiyoshi Mitarai a.k.a. Seaman:
Demon's Door Cave. I'm sure that's where Mr. Sensui will be taking Kuwabara. Mr. Itsuki's waiting there for him to bring the psychic who can break the Kekkai Barrier.

Genkai:
See? You're already more useful than roadkill.

Koenma:
I'm going to Spirit World. Now that Sensui has the power to cut the Kekkai Barrier, we must face the grim possibility that we may not succeed. The world could be very different soon. In case we fail, I have to make preparations back home.

Tsukihito Amanuma a.k.a. Game Master:
[to Sensui] You sure he's the one? He's about as powerful as a hampster from what I can pick up, and he's twice as annoying.

Sensui Shinobu:
Patience, Game Master. We'll see his power soon.

Kazuma Kuwabara:
You'll see my fist down your throat is what you'll see, then you'll see stars, then nothin' but black. You got that, punk?

[Kuwabara, with arms bound, is dragged across the ground]

Kazuma Kuwabara:
Hey, I got legs, you know.

Sensui Shinobu:
I'd hate you to waste precious energy by walking.

Yusuke Urameshi:
Now I know I'm being watched. How creepy is that? Yeah, I owe a major apology to the lockerroom girls after second period gym.

[Hiei's sword is suddenly jammed in the chest of Yusuke's foe]

Yusuke Urameshi:
HIEI!

Hiei:
What? Now I'm not even allowed to kill the BAD humans? Huh. It's a few inches from his heart, if that's what you're worried about.

Hiei:
This wind coming in feels like home. It's comforting and it soothes me. It tastes like freshly spilled blood and the rotting flesh of decaying corpses. Look at it. The gateway to Demon World will be open soon. Maybe I'll return home.

Hiei:
You ready?

Yusuke Urameshi:
Bring it on, b*tch!

Hiei:
You rose to the challenge. It seems you haven't lost your Spirit Power, you just needed a kick in the ass.

Yusuke Urameshi:
If you hate our kind so much, I know of a video tape that might interest you.

Hiei:
What tape would that be?

Yusuke Urameshi:
Ahh, just a little snuff film you may have heard of called Chapter Black. Now that I think of it, Kurama did say you tried to get your bandaged hands on it. It's out of print but Sensui's got a copy. I could get it for you.

Hiei:
The most forbidden contraband in all of Spirit World? You think they'll let you walk out with it?

Yusuke Urameshi:
Think about it for a sec. In all the rush of the aborted apocolype, that stupid tape'll be the LAST thing Spirit World Intelligence is thinkin' about.

Hiei:
Huh. You're quite clever when you put your mind to mischief.

Demon #2:
We've come to plunder your puny world. Show us your women and human flesh depository.

Hiei:
As much as I can't stand the humans, I think I loathe tourists even more.

Mr. Akashi:
Breaking the honor code is one of the highest violations at Sariaski Junior High, Mr. Iwamoto.

Mr. Iwamoto:
Yes. And from the way that boy acted at Yusuke's wake, he's clearly a punk who can't resist a fight. This way we can expel him permanently.

Mr. Akashi:
I don't know which boost to the school's reputation I like best: kicking out Kuwabara or having Yusuke die on his own.

Yusuke Urameshi:
[as the teachers chuckle] I always said those teachers were out to get me. I'm surprised they didn't run me over themselves.

Botan:
Those guys could use a good kick in the rear.

Misako:
[possessed by Yusuke] You should have listened.

thug:
And you should go to school, girl.

Misako:
As soon as I knock you out. Don't you know there's a test today, Moron.

Mr. Akashi:
[Mr. Akashi looks over Kuwabara's test paper] Ah! This can't be right! That garbage brain actually scored more than fifty points. If that brat had only missed one more question... Now he's thrown the whole plan into the sewer.

Mr. Takanaka:
Find something funny, Mr. Akashi?

Mr. Akashi:
Uh, did you see that, Mr. Takanaka? That hoodlum nearly wrang my neck.

Mr. Takanaka:
Yes. And I think if someone had corrupted my answer sheet the way you and Mr. Iwamoto did to that boy, I would have wrung your neck, too.

Mr. Akashi:
But wait! I don't know what you mean!

Mr. Takanaka:
I'm sure that know how precious the honor system is at this junior high so I'd appreciate it greatly if you didn't lie to my face. Now - you're going to correct that score immediately!

Mr. Akashi:
Of course!

Botan:
[quietly] Here I am, Koenma. Isn't there some way to reverse this?

Koenma:
Genkai's passed her abilities to an apprentice. We both knew once that happened Toguro would take her life. It's both Yusuke's and Genkai's destiny.

Suzuka:
I've learned from my last fight that my body isn't meant for fighting the way you do, and all my gifted techniques can't compete against pure brute strength. No wonder you think of me as a clown.

Kurama:
[thinking to himself] Much less now than in your earlier performance, I must say.

Suzuka:
Hm?

Suzuka:
These two items are my gifts to you.

Kurama:
Could you elaborate?

Kazuma Kuwabara:
Yeah, who cares about a fancy ruler?

Suzuka:
It's a hilt, amateur. These were the starting points for two items I gave to my own team. The bottle, Kurama, contains The Fruit of a Previous Life, hand-picked from the upper realms of the spirit world. It was from just such a fruit that Ura derived the smoke for his Iduun Box, and drinking that will produce the same dreamy effect of turning you into your demon form.

[Turns to Kuwabara]

Suzuka:
And that one is called The Trial Sword, made from a Japanese cedar that grew to great heights by sucking up the surrounding life.

Kazuma Kuwabara:
Eih! That sounds really creepy. I don't wanna hold that.

[Kuwabara tosses the hilt to Suzuka]

Suzuka:
For Shishiwakamaru it became The Banshee Shriek, but for you it should be quite different, and probably without the demons.

[Suzuka tosses the hilt back to Kuwabara, which he catches awkwardly]

Kazuma Kuwabara:
Yi, uh, ehe, guh, geh...!

Suzuka:
Allow me the pleasure of a few more words and I'll give you a warning. This fight was the first time those items were used. I still can't tell you exactly how they work or what side-effects they could have upon their user.

Yusuke Urameshi:
I'm not in the mood for any of your stupid gags.

Koenma:
Yes. Neither is Botan. Makes it very hard to function these days. Actually, it's a real pity. Botan is just too depressed to perform the duties that are expected of her. I'm sure if Genkai were still here she'd call Botan a big whiny-baby and give her a much needed slap in the face.

Sakyo:
I want to completely redefine the food chain.

Sakyo:
Well, I was afraid you'd react negatively toward my daring new ideas, but at this stage in the game it doesn't matter much, does it? If you HAVE placed bets, I'll still collect - post-mortem.

Koenma:
Well, anyway, Yusuke, Genkai left us a message that you might want to hear.

Yusuke Urameshi:
Are you serious? Please, what'd she say?

Koenma:
She said the last year of her life sucked because, as a student, you were such a pain in the ass. And she asks you to stay alive for a really long time so she can have some peace and quiet for once. So, in other words - "Dimwit, go win that battle!" Sounds just like her, doesn't it?

Kazuma Kuwabara:
I had a dream last night, Urameshi.

Yusuke Urameshi:
Was she hot?

Yusuke Urameshi:
So, sucker-mouth, what're YOU doing here?

Koenma:
Well, one, I'm your spirit detective boss; two, I'm the owner of your team; and, three, I have a way to help you. Yusuke Urameshi - your egg is about to hatch.

Yusuke Urameshi:
Excuse me?

Koenma:
Your golden egg, you moron. The egg of your Spirit Beast I gave you during your life ordeal. Remember?

Yusuke Urameshi:
Dah... I have no clue.

Koenma:
Ever since you became Spirit Detective, the egg, unbeknownst to you, has been feeding off of your soul's merit, and now, after nearly a year, it will hatch.

Yusuke Urameshi:
Hey, that's pretty slick, taking care of my egg like that. You could have scrambled it and I would have never known.

Koenma:
How insightful.

[Two demon members of Team Ichigaki come upon Hiei and Kurama in the woods, looking for a fight]

Kurama:
Seems the Doctor's team has gotten lost.

Hiei:
[smiling] Yes. What a horrible coincidence for us both.

Master Mitamura:
How could I ever be afraid when I'm blessed with students like you?

Dr. Ichigaki:
[chuckling] Isn't this mysterious? Both of our teams are missing two members. Whadda ya say we fight with the people we have; winner is the best of three?

Yusuke Urameshi:
What about you? Don't the ugly, pointed-ear trolls like to fight, too?

Dr. Ichigaki:
Hee-hee-heh. Only when we have to, boy. I prefer the managing position. Never any reason to do the work when you can watch somebody else do it for you, hence the guinea pigs.

[the doctor gestures to his human fighters, standing nearby, completely devoid of personality]

Dr. Ichigaki:
They say that the spirit energy a human body is capable of producing is far greater than that of an apparition. A fierce monster of power locked within you all. It's only the human conscience that will keep this power at bay. Take away free will and the monster will say hello.

Yusuke Urameshi:
How about ass-kicking? Do they say that, too?

Dr. Ichigaki:
Let's make this interesting. Your power fascinates me. If my team wins, I get to use your body. [laughs]

Yusuke Urameshi:
Why not! And if my team wins, we get to rip off your face.

Dr. Ichigaki:
[laughs] Yes, I can live with that.

Dr. Ichigaki:
Yusuke's biology is so remarkable, I can't wait to exploit it.

Koto:
Offense really isn't an option for the Urameshi team, right now. It's just run or be gutted.

Kurama:
Even the hardest substance can be broken when crashed into itself. And the ability to feel pain is not a weakness. It's a strength. Pain tells a creature its vulnerabilities, and not to expose them to an attack.

Kurama:
Your robot is dead, and so, I'm afraid, are you.

Shinobu Sensui:
[as Kazuya] Huh! I didn't realize you still had so much energy left. You nearly caught me by surprise.

Yusuke Urameshi:
Yeah? Well, imagine MY surprise, pal. I had a whole mental picture of what you'd look like as a heap of charcoal. The look really suited you, too.

Kurama:
We assumed Sensui cared for his team but, in truth, "the seven" were his own personalities.

Hiei:
The psychics were expendable. He planned to be the sole survivor from the start.

Itsuki:
That's correct. As his partner from the naive years, I'm the only one who realized - but I can take care of myself.

Itsuki:
At every moral crisis that stood in the way of Sensui's plan, a new personality would be forged to do the work. It solved the paradox of how one can punish if doing so requires you to commit the very same sins. This way his core soul could remain morally undefiled. Of the seven personalities, one of them is a girl. She has a beautiful mind capable of the most delicate and loving thoughts and poetry that I've ever heard spoken. She would talk to me in the dead of night, always crying, venting sorrows that, if not expressed, would have killed Sensui from a broken heart. Besides Shinobu, I favor her the most. Sometimes I think we're in love.

Narrator:
The Mafukan, also known as The Conscious Ring or The Wicked Seal. When fully powered it is the strongest defensive spell in all of Spirit World. For centuries, Koenma has transferred his Spirit Energy into his pacifier, the vehicle for his Mafukan spell - a precaution for darker times. When released, the Mafukan will create a Kekkai Barrier Net to ensnare the encroaching enemy. Far more powerful than the Kekkai between worlds, it specializes on demons, and can even trap the S-class with ease.

Yusuke Urameshi:
[to Sensui] Don't bother with the bull. Let's just get back to killing each other.

Koenma:
[to Yusuke] Don't be ridiculous. You're no match for 'im. Give me back the Mafukan, NOW!

[They struggle over the pacifier]

Yusuke Urameshi:
I'm trying to do this the nice way.

Koenma:
And what's the alternative? You gonna tie me up with your shirt?

Yusuke Urameshi:
Not exactly. Actually, it goes a little something like this.

[Yusuke K.O's Koenma]

Yusuke Urameshi:
You've NO idea how long I've waited to do that.

Shinobu Sensui:
My name is Shinobu. It's an honor to meet you.

Kiyoshi Mitarai a.k.a. Seaman:
That's so weird. I've never seen Mr. Sensui like this.

Kurama:
Yes, his continence has changed from before. I dare say he sounds innocent.

Itsuki:
It's because he is. In his reality, Shinobu has never committed a crime. He knows his other sides have done wrong, but he's separated from it, able to blame them and grieve for what they've done while realizing it's necessary. Such a complex side, I guess that's why I like HIM the most.

Yusuke Urameshi:
[as the show's closing narrator] Two words: Holy Crap! I've been calling Sensui's secret a "curveball" but "canonball's" more like it. And while the cave sides are giving me deep tissue back rubs, Koenma's powering up in ways we've never seen, determined to unleash this Mafukan and spend the rest of eternity trapped with Sensui, but I won't let that happen. So while my team's stuck in a ghost's stomach and thousands of demons count down to an all-you-can-eat dinner at the human buffet, I'm gonna show you moves you've never seen...

Koenma:
[thinking] If only I could rearrange the gears turning in your head! I don't want to use this on you! Please, return to the Sensui you were! [in flashback] If there has ever been a human destined to be Spirit Detective, it was you. You were born with incredible powers, and an obsession for making things right and just. It was my fault; I was too eager to close the case. How could I not have known how you would react, when you saw the darkest vices of man? When you realized that your life's work of protecting humans from demons was not a crusade of pure justice, but a study in gray?

Shinobu Sensui:
[in flashback] It is a war waged against evil, yet the evil is within. How else can I justify what I've done, but to continue? Then shouldn't all humans die?

Koenma:
But there has never been a light that did not cast a shadow. Darkness, by its nature, must always be entwined with good. I must take the burden for what you are now. I exposed you to that truth your idealistic mind can't understand. So, if you continue this battle for unearthly principles - if that's what you decide - then I will go with you. I'll trap myself in the net with you, share the pain of being trapped without movement for eternity. It's the least I can do. [aloud] Please, Shinobu, come around!

Koenma:
If I engage this Mafuken, it will first seal the precious tunnel that you've poured your life into creating. Then I'll trap you inside the net, and you'll never move again. I've kept this thing between my teeth for most of my existence, giving it my spirit energy. It was for humanity's next dark day in a few hundred years, yet you give me no choice but to use it now.

Shinobu Sensui:
Well, you're just as stupid as Shinobu says. You can't use that fancy weapon on little old us! Who's going to save the humans in that supposed dark time now?

Koenma:
We must handle each new dilemma as it comes to us. If your plan is allowed to continue, in a few hundred years there will be nothing left to save. This way, your conspiracy will end. You're finished, Sensui, unless you plan to kill me.

Shinobu Sensui:
My, my, you really ain't screwin' around!

Koenma:
You should consult with your other sides. Are you really ready to be damned? Because surrender and torment are your only choices.

Botan:
It's ironic that, out of all of the fighters, Shorin was last on my list as a suspect.

Yusuke Urameshi:
Yeah. If you're gonna disguise yourself, why not look cooler?

Koenma:
The answer's simple, Yusuke. Not everyone, believe it or not, is interested in how groovy they look. Rando hunts in stealth. He's not concerned with fame or recognition, only with increasing his powers. After stealing the techniques of ninety-nine psychics, no one has ever seen Rando's true face - at least, no one who lived long enough to brag.

Kazuma Kuwabara:
[to Yusuke] First of all, I'm gonna beat this guy, then I'm gonna grind you into the dirt - so don't try to get out of it by makin' me scared!

Shorin:
Very surprising. Twice, now, you've managed to evade my attack and make it your own offensive.

Kazuma Kuwabara:
Dah, don't try and make it sound so high tech. I'm just tryin' to cream you.

Genkai:
I once knew of a fighter who made quite a name for himself with this attack. It creates a vacuum around the opponent and causes air to escape violently from their body through cuts in the skin.

Shorin:
And with as many battle wounds as you have, Yusuke, it should be very painful.

Yusuke Urameshi:
Ouch!

Shorin:
Now that's surprising. Most would pass out from the pain. Shall we try it again?

[Yusuke charges straight at Shorin]

Genkai:
It appears your friend is a fool.

Botan:
No, just mad.

Yusuke Urameshi:
I got him. And he wasn't joking about the pain.

Botan:
You got him good, Yusuke. He'll probably be out for a week.

Yusuke Urameshi:
Well, that's what happens when you piss me off.

Botan:
It's a shame Kuwabara couldn't be here to see it.

Kazuma Kuwabara:
Hey, I'm not dead... yet. I'm still... gonna kick Urameshi's...

[Kuwabara blacks out]

Shorin:
Yes, Mr. Yurameshi, you should listen to the old hag. They tend to know things, for example, that I am a demon who will not be destroyed. Most likely she also knows that I must kill you all as you are about to see my true form. The only real mystery is this: How will I choose to torture you.

Yusuke Urameshi:
I can feel his power from here. That's not a good sign.

Yusuke Urameshi:
That toddler Koenma's got me by the balls and he knows it.

Botan:
Oh, Yusuke, you're so lucky. Keiko chose you even over that charming, handsome boy.

Yusuke Urameshi:
Now don't go jumping to conclusions. She said she liked somebody else. She didn't say who.

Botan:
You can't keep pretending forever, silly. "I like Keiko's" written all over your face.

Yusuke Urameshi:
Nyah! LEAVE ME ALONE!

Kazuma Kuwabara:
Ahhhh! What're you doing with Yusuke's body?

Keiko Yukimura:
I promise I'll tell you everything but not right now. We gotta get him somewhere safe.

Kazuma Kuwabara:
Are you some type of sick grave robber? Well, come on. We can't let the police get ahold o' ya.

Yusuke Urameshi:
Whoa, Kuwabara! Who said you could hold Keiko's hand like that? Don't start getting fresh with her. She not your type.

Yusuke Urameshi:
[looking on helplessly] This is so stupid! Isn't someone gonna tell them their just talking to a dead body? Stop apologizing, Mom. I'll never be around to say it's okay. I'm dead for good.

Yusuke Urameshi:
Okay, Boton, just take me to Heaven or Hell or wherever it is I'm going. I'm tired of being here.

Koenma:
Yusuke Yuromeshi, there's no reason to act like a baby.

Koenma:
Yusuke, you've shown to have more character than I thought. I've been trying to figure out whether people around you really want you back. Contrary to my personal opinion, they actually do. More importantly you've exhibited astounding potential to be a decent human being. Because this trait is so rare, I decided to give you another chance.

Koenma:
[to Yusuke] You have a special quality buried underneath all that crap, and your added experience with death could make you very useful.

Sayaka:
[observing Keiko] It's hard to believe that a girl with her kind of positive marking would even go for a guy like him.

Yusuke Urameshi:
I heard that.

Sayaka:
[to Boton] Now, are we absolutely certain the Keiko wants Yusuke to come back to life again?

Yusuke Urameshi:
Huh?

Sayaka:
[to Yusuke] After all, there's a great deal of manpower involved in making one of these life recoveries run smoothly. There's no point in doing it if the people closest to you don't care.

Keiko's Teacher:
[after Keiko has finished her book reading] That's "Heart of Darkness", people! Great reading as always, Keiko!

Yusuke Urameshi:
[to Kayko] I don't wanna see you cry anymore.

Yusuke Urameshi:
What's the point of coming back if Kayko's not gonna be alive for it?

Shunjun:
Faced with the possibility of a Mazaku on the loose, the great King Yama, in his infinite wisdom, granted Yusuke fair passage, thus containing him and preserving peace in both the spirit and living worlds.

Genkai:
Honey, if Yusuke ever WEREN'T in danger he'd up and die of boredom.

Koenma:
[speaking of King Yama] He received messages from the three kings of Demon World, all on the same day, each seeking an extradition. Raizen wanted Yusuke, Yomi wanted Kurama, and Mukuro wanted Hiei. Individually they made these requests, and individually offered my father the same proposal. They each suggested it would be safer for Human World to have these powerful and dangerous demons quarantined forever in Demon World, and my father agreed to that.

Ogre:
Koenma, sir, we've got problems.

Koenma:
Yes, I agree. He's big and blue and wears leopard underwear, and he never seems to leave me alone.

Hiei:
The air in this town is thick with energy. Demon insects flock to it like sharks to an open wound. A sign of things to come, or is the danger already here? Hm. Then again, what do I care?

Kazuma Kuwabara:
There's a lot more to life than shoving punks into pavement.

[Watching Yusuke's and Kuwabara's intense squabble]

Okubo:
So do they like or hate each other?

Miyamoto:
Uh...

Komada:
Something tells me they were an old married couple in a former life.

Botan:
Sure. The only question is who was the husband and who was the wife?

Yusuke Urameshi:
What're you doing? You leaving now? All the way from Spirit World just to keep me from kickin' ass?

Botan:
Sorry, I'd rather not have to explain to your teacher why I can fly. We'll talk after school.

Yusuke Urameshi:
[watching her fly away] Must have another crap case for me.

Keiko Yukimura:
Just promise me you won't do anything dumb.

Yusuke Urameshi:
Again with the nagging. "Don't do this; don't do that." When have I EVER acted dumb?

Keiko Yukimura:
Um, besides getting run over by a car?

Kazuma Kuwabara:
I can't believe you'd fight ordinary humans. You might as well go attack a nursing home.

Youda:
I've charted the military power of each of the three territories in Demon World. Now, the numbers are relative. They don't mean anything material. If you don't understand any of that, take a math class - on your own time.

Youda:
Reisen's ridiculous hunger strike has brought his body into critical condition. He can not last through the year.

Kuramaa:
For a blind man, you certainly have good eyes.

Yomi:
I heard his quickened heartbeat, felt the heat from his eyes as the filled blood vessels turned them red. Losing my eyesight was, in part, what made me stronger.

Yomi:
[presenting a tortured and starved demon] His decay has become much worse in the last few days. He hardly speaks anymore. It hurts him too painfully.

Yomi:
We were greedy, you and I. We wanted to make ourselves known, carve out our own territory, but to be a lord requires power and wealth, and, to gain both, we became bandits.

Genwaku:
Life is more important than the reward.

Yomi:
Very soon, all of Demon World will fall into chaos - and that's when I'll need your calm and cruelty, your ability to think without emotion. Join me, Kurama. Help me to unify them all.

Yomi:
Hello, Kurama. It's been far too long since I've seen YOU.

Kuramaa:
I don't appreciate the pun.

Yusuke Urameshi:
It's showdown time on the next ass-kickin' episode of Yu Yu Hakusho.

Jin:
Now we're talkin', Urameshi. Your wind's runnin' like a typhoon. If my ears were any pointier I'd poke out a person's eye.

Yusuke Urameshi:
Well, that was a damn good fight, Jin. Nice to know I'm not the only freak around. Maybe we'll hang out if you ever wake up.

Botan:
[observing] Aw. And he's even made a friend.

Koto:
The fight between Yusuke and Jin has been ruled a double loss and, therefore, Yusuke is ineligible to fight for the duration of the round.

Botan:
[livid] Well, that's just the biggest crap job I've ever heard in my life!

Risho:
We must always keep our eye on the final goal, Touya. That's why I am the leader and you are the grunt.

Y?suke Urameshi:
You know, you seem really anxious to intimidate everyone but me. Whadda ya think that means?

[Hiei exerts his restored energy toward breaking free of Ruka's trap. Ruka falls to the ground, clutching the breaking thick strands that constitute her skimpy dress]

Ruka:
I can't hold him off any longer. The Enchantress Cords holding my power - his energy's tearing them apart. A couple more minutes like this and there won't be any of them left.

Male Spectator 1:
Uh, I don't want to sound lie a traitor or anything, but maybe we should cheer for Hiei.

Male Spectator 2:
Uh-huh.

Koenma:
That a way, Hiei! Don't stop now! Keep your energy exploding! Tear those evil cords apart!

Ogre:
I assume you're saying that because you want him to escape, sir!

[Koenma laughs guiltily]

Shizuru Kuwabara:
[Shizuru and Kayko return from the bushes] Look at it this way: If demons DID have toilets, would you really WANT to sit on 'em?

Orge:
Koenma, sir.

Koenma:
Hm?

Orge:
Now, Botan is running off somewhere.

Koenma:
Ogre, who gives a hissy fit about her right now? Let's just keep our cool and watch Kuwabara get massacred.

[Kuwabara and Hiei argue heatedly]

Kurama:
[amused] To think they could, one day, be in-laws.

Elder Toguro:
I was going to play with you awhile longer but your voice grows irksome. Perhaps I'll just cut out your tongue.

Kazuma Kuwabara:
I thought about what you said before, Toguro, and you're right. I got no way of knowing where your vital organs are hiding, so I'll just pound EVERYTHING all at once.

Koto:
Kuwabara's shaped his sword into something like a giant tennis racket, and I believe he's about to make Toguro into his unwilling bright yellow ball.

Yusuke Urameshi:
It's about time you won a fight. That was awesome.

[Kuwabara approached Yusuke, still scowling]

Yusuke Urameshi:
You all right there, man?

[punch]

Yusuke Urameshi:
What was that for?

Kazuma Kuwabara:
I thought that we were a team but I guess I'm just one big joke to you all, aren't I? Well, this joke has feelings. Genkai meant a lot to me, too. Did you all just sit around and laugh about how clueless I was? Is this how you get your kicks, Urameshi, huh?

Sakyo:
I was born into a normal, working-class family. I was the youngest of five brothers. My parents never had any money but they were very loving. I hated them both. My brothers all took honest, white-collar jobs, and wives, and kids... If I had their lives, I would kill myself. Luckily, their fate was not for me. I was too smart.

Sakyo:
Sometimes I'd play a little game where I'd challenge myself to see how long I could keep something alive once I'd carved out it's heart, but in time we all grown more mature and realize that there's more to life than blood, guts and minimum wage.

Elder Toguro:
How could you? I'm your older brother and you just kicked me, you son of a b*tch! Your own brother!

Younger Toguro:
You're dead to me. I'm sorry, but blood can only run so thick.

Ogre:
Those boys are amazing, sir.

Koenma:
Ogre, that's enough with the optimism. Go do something useful.

Youko Kurama:
In the beginning, before the barrier wall was erected around the city, hundreds of bounty hunters came in search of the beasts. None succeeded. But the beasts never left their tower, letting anyone who made it into the castle forfeit their lives to this maze. There are fifteen doors. All but one leads to a dead end. There are no second attempts. Unavoidable traps line the incorrect passageways. So you see, a poor choice seals our fate.

Yusuke Urameshi:
[to Kuwabara] Okay, Mr. Sensitive. This one's all yours.

Seiryu:
You may call me Seiryu. I am here now to end your lives, intruders.

Yusuke Urameshi:
Well, he's no dragon, but he IS ugly.

Seiryu:
It is not wise to say such things to your executioner.

Yusuke Urameshi:
You heartless bastard! How could you kill off your own friend?

Byakko:
Seiryu, why...

Seiryu:
He was a weapon, not a friend. And like a cheap sword, he rusted.

Youko Kurama:
This race of beasts has no loyalty. Alliances are formed strictly to gain power.

Youko Kurama:
He's a puzzle, isn't he? In times before, I've seen Hiei act with similar cruelty, but something about Byakko's execution has caused great anger in him. Hiei seems to live by his own code, with very complex rules, but one thing is for certain: Never before have I seen Hiei begin a fight using such an extrordinary amount of the spirit energy.

Yusuke Urameshi:
Good. As long as he kicks some ass.

Jaganshi Hiei:
Is that all you have to say? They're last words, you know.

Suzaku:
This ceases to be entertaining. These nothings are ruining my plans.

Murugu:
I have gathered the information you requested on Yusuke Urameshi. It turns out our boy wonder has few friends but one great weakness. Her name is Keiko Yukimura, and she's very close to Yusuke's heart.

Suzaku:
She's very pretty.

Murugu:
[giggles] I suppose so. The impotant part is he'll do anything to save her.

Suzaku:
Good. Then why don't we test his concentration? How well will he fight here inside Maze Castle while back on the Earth his dear Keiko screams in agony?

Botan:
Listen to me, Koenma. I have to abort this mission. The humans taken over by the Makai insects are starting to work together, and their numbers are continuing to grow.

Koenma:
Understood. Get yourself to higher ground, Botan. I can't afford to lose you now.

Botan:
My thoughts exactly.

[the group looks upon Yusuke's new powers with awe]

Koenma:
Why can't guys have these powers at the START of cases?

Yusuke Urameshi:
Hey, give me back my body!

Raizen:
Shut up! This doesn't concern you!

Yusuke Urameshi:
The Hell it doesn't!

Yusuke Urameshi:
Whoever may have killed him, it wasn't me.

Kazuma Kuwabara:
But we all saw you.

Yusuke Urameshi:
It looked like me 'cause it was my body but it wasn't me in there when it happened. I mean, it was but it wasn't, you understand?

Kazuma Kuwabara:
Look, Urameshi, I think you need some rest.

Itsuki:
Don't torture yourself. Shinobu had only half a month to live, anyway.

Hiei:
Only Yusuke would still want to fight a man after he's dead. Wake me when it's over.

Shinobu Sensui:
When I was younger, I always wondered, "Why me? Why do these horrible creatures pick only on me? Why do they hate me? Why do they want ME to die?" But I was a child and I never tried to ask them. I never gave them the chance to speak. Instead I improved my fighting techniques while I grew to hate them more and wanted them to die even more. When I became a spirit detective, they told me, "They are not like us, so they must be against us. Their difference threatens our sameness. It is US versus THEM. Humans are good, and demons are bad; we are just, and they are unjust." But I was an adolescent and did not even think to question such simple binaries. I could not have been more wrong.

[Itsuki lifts Shinobu's remains]

Koenma:
Where will you take him?

Itsuki:
Somewhere his soul won't be subjected to your overbearing scorn and judgement, where it will be safe from hypocritical administrators who train a boy to be a killer and then hunt him down for being one as a man. You people do not deserve Shinobu's soul. Your Spirit World will have to create another enemy so you can keep on fighting, as that is, after all, what you do. But Shinobu and I grow weary of that. We are going to spend the rest of eternity together in solitude and in peace.

Yusuke Urameshi:
Damn it. If I kicked his ass, why do I still feel like HE won.

Kazuma Kuwabara:
Oh, come on, Urameshi. We closed the case and saved the world. Can't we at least take a nap?

Koenma:
The SDF have, no doubt, been busy little beavers while we've been gone, damming up the tunnel on the human world side. Now, those toadies may be many things, but they are NOT inefficient. That hole will be filled in like a cavity in a matter of days.

Genkai:
[to herself] Ah, Koenma better come soon. If I keep sitting with these kids I'll find a new use for my Spirit Wave.

Ogre:
You'll come back soon, sir, right? I think our dynamic was really improving.

Koenma:
Ogre, you're a fruitcake.

Ogre:
But what should I tell your father if he returns?

Koenma:
YOU think of something. YOU'RE big and blue.

Ogre:
[whining] But Jorge wants to go with you.

Koenma:
Jorge stands out in the human world like a heifer in a beauty pageant.

[Ogre instantly dons a trench coat, hat and sunglasses]

Ogre:
How 'bout now?

Koenma:
Now you look like you're gonna flash somebody.

Koenma:
You take care of things back here and hopefully I'll have a home to come back to.

Ogre:
Oh, sir, please be careful. All those times I hated you I only half meant it.

Koenma:
Likewise... sort of.

Kurama:
[referring to Sensui] I know you must have taken great care to commission him as Spirit Detective, Koenma. How did he turn from humanity's protector to its greatest threat.

Koenma:
[about Sensui] His universe was cut and dry, black and white, demons were evil so he had to destroy them. And that's when he saw what changed him.

Kurama:
What was it?

Koenma:
Gray. Truckloads of gray. I'd given him an urgent case... if only I'd known the results.

Kazuma Kuwabara:
What kind of case.

Koenma:
I had ordered him to seal up the tunnel between the human and the demon world.

Yusuke Urameshi:
What?

Kazuma Kuwabara:
You mean it's the exact same thing we're doin' now?

Koenma:
The circumstances were different.

Kazuma Kuwabara:
Really? How?

Koenma:
That opening was only ten meters wide. There was no threat of expansion, but it was stable, allowing lower class demons to pass. It took eight psychics, the strongest they thought existed, to maintain it, but it wasn't free passage for the demons. It was a trap organized by the young Black Black Club. They captured demons as they squeezed through and sold them at enormous profit.

Yusuke Urameshi:
Black Black Club rings a few bells.

Kazuma Kuwabara:
D'hose are the dirt bags who watched us while we rescued Yukina.

Koenma:
That's right, and one up-and-comer had just worked his way into the group by his talent at capturing demons - Sakyo.

Kurama:
Quite the turn.

Yusuke Urameshi:
Sakyo? You mean he was already startin' stuff while I was gettin' kicked out of kindergarten?

Koenma:
One way to look at it, yeah. Today there's an entire culture of demon bodyguards for corporate crooks. A multi-billion black market industry. Sakyo began it all.

[Sensui saw something he never should have seen. Koenma explains]

Koenma:
A ritualistic party they called The Feast of Human Vices. These privileged humans were toying with the demons they'd ensnared, torturing them with no motivation other than their own twisted pleasure. Sensui had sworn his life to protecting his race from demons but, here, humans were enacting cruelties a thousand times worse than anything he'd seen from demons. Black and white blurred, flipped upside-down. His mind wasn't big enough to hold the change. Sensui lived his life on the straight and narrow, but what he saw that night went against everything he knew the world to be.

Kazuma Kuwabara:
A lot like we felt when we went to Tarukane's place and saw what they were doing to Yukina.

Yusuke Urameshi:
Yeah, you're right.

Koenma:
But there is a most important difference between your reaction and his. There, in that room, Sensui fell into a rage and murdered every human at that feast.

Yusuke Urameshi:
See, that's why I'm always half-assed, grandma: Never take yourself too seriously and you won't turn into a freakin' fanatic.

Koenma:
Precisely why I chose you after Sensui failed. I wanted someone who wouldn't think too much.

Kurama:
[struck by the logic of it] Yes! Of course!

Yusuke Urameshi:
Don't be too quick to defend me, pal!

Kurama:
Sorry.

Sensui Shinobu:
I was counting on your weakness, Seaman, as well as your betrayal. I've heard every word you've spoken, and now that you've served your purpose you can die with the humans you couldn't detach yourself from.

[Kuwabara goes charging out after Sensui]

Yusuke Urameshi:
Wait, you idiot! Haven't you learned? You're like an ugly singer with a good voice - best for back-up.

[Standing together in their first group face-off against Sensui Shinobu]

Kazuma Kuwabara:
Okay. I'm takin' this one.

Yusuke Urameshi:
Don't be a moron. You'll play it like I tell you.

Kazuma Kuwabara:
Did you hear what I said?

Kurama:
Beating Seaman was a brave feat, but you're injured and in no shape to fight.

Genkai:
He's right.

[Kuwabara spits in disgust]

Koenma:
Keep your distance, Yusuke. It's no cakewalk for you, either. I started him off, too. He can store up his Spirit Energy and fire it just like you.

Kazuma Kuwabara:
So 'im and Urameshi have the same technique?

Genkai:
How strong's his power?

Koenma:
Can't say. We don't know WHAT he's learned in the last ten years.

Kurama:
Then any initial contact will be a gamble.

Kazuma Kuwabara:
Are you listenin' to all this, Urameshi?

Yusuke Urameshi:
Hm. Sounds like fun.

Koenma:
Go easy.

Kazuma Kuwabara:
[bitterly] Naw... Guess when you become a champ you get to do all the cool stuff.

Kurama:
Logic is panic's prey.

Kurama:
You must be curious, Hiei.

Hiei:
Hm?

Kurama:
Someone strong enough to capture Yusuke must surely provide a challenge.

Hiei:
Nice try, but I no longer care.

Yu Kaito a.k.a. Taboo:
How do you stand these friends of yours, Suichi. They can't handle one smart conversation. It must get lonely.

[Kuwabara is unable to throw a successful punch]

Mitsunari Yanagisawa a.k.a. Copy:
You gotta get a better memory. We're still inside of Kaito's territory and you know he doesn't like violence. We gotta be gentle with each other, okay?

Kazuma:
Kuwabara How 'bout I gently shove my foot down your throat?

Yusuke Urameshi:
Out of this whole plan, you made one big mistake: You went and pissed me off.

Suzaku:
I'm sorry. Were you saying something? You seemed to trail off when you saw her in danger.

Suzaku:
As you die, don't be sad. Ever since you stepped into my tower, you have been living on borrowed time.

Suzaku:
Can't you drop these human feelings, Yusuke? I will make you a king of demons if you promise to eat Keiko's heart.

Yusuke Urameshi:
Go... to Hell.

Suzaku:
I don't like that answer.

Suzaku:
Yours is a unique position. Don't you agree? On the one hand you're the audience watching a distant tragedy on the screen, but on the other hand you are its very cause.

Suzaku:
It's rude for the dying to laugh.

Genkai:
Don't you remember one speck of your training?

Yusuke Urameshi:
Get out of my head, you old b*tch! I can't think right now.

Genkai:
That's your whole problem, you idiot. Remember!

Genkai:
Power like this must be earned, slacker. I know that's a new concept for you. All your life you've gone the easy way. So, you were born with a talent for fighting - who care? You never worked for it. It was easy. You always quite any time the answer wasn't served on a silver plate.

Yusuke Urameshi:
Shut up! Shut up! I don't have to listen to you.

Genkai:
Look at all the energy you still have. Shows you're doing your training like everything else - half-assed.

Suzaku:
Did I miss something or did you just get five times more powerful?

Yusuke Urameshi:
Life IS a drag, isn't it?

Minoru Kamiya a.k.a. Doctor:
These powers we psychics have acquired, I think they relate to our own talents and personalities, like me - a doctor. I developed the power to save patients who would otherwise die on the table, but then I choose to use MY gifts to kill.

Yusuke Urameshi:
So, tell me, which one of your friends is pulling your strings?

Minoru Kamiya a.k.a. Doctor:
Eh?

Yusuke Urameshi:
Really, which one? Is it 'C'-man, Game Master, Gourmet? You're not sane enough to be the leader.

Yusuke Urameshi:
Call off your territory. Let these people get over your sickness and I swear I'll let you live.

Minoru Kamiya a.k.a. Doctor:
Yes, but you won't let me go free.

Yusuke Urameshi:
Of course not. You're goin' where straight-jackets are dress code.

Yusuke Urameshi:
[threateningly] If you got any fears about death, you better work them out.

Kurama:
Just listen. It's too quiet.

Botan:
Well, I'll give you that.

Kazuma Kuwabara:
Quiet is perfect. It's a hospital, not a race track.

Kiyoshi Mitarai a.k.a. Seaman:
The Doctor's outnumbered. Yusuke could kill him.

Sensui Shinobu:
Then let him die. The Spirit Detective must be enlightened one lamp at a time.

Minoru Kamiya a.k.a. Doctor:
You can't avoid it any longer. You have to kill me - cross the ultimate line that divides all men - but you've NEVER killed a human and, once you do that, you could never go back to the other side. It's like a narcotic. You have to keep on killing or else the guilt will overcome you. At least that's the case with me.

[Yusuke aims his Spirit Gun]

Minoru Kamiya a.k.a. Doctor:
Easy, Yusuke, you don't wanna go through with that. Think about your future. You'll be put in jail as a murderer.

Yusuke Urameshi:
Planning out the future's never been my style. I hope you like cremation.

Genkai:
We'd better move it. This is a crime scene we don't wanna be part of.

Yusuke Urameshi:
I dunno what you did with my friends but, I'll tell you now, for every one you hurt I'm taking a limb.

Botan:
They've been down there forever. What's taking them so long?

Genkai:
Patience, Botan. The end of the world - you can't just flip it off at the switch.

Narrator:
Yamanate - the Devil with Six Hands. This rare super-sensory breed of demon has six arms which can move independently of their master.

Itsuki:
Calm your anger, Kuwabara. I'm not here to fight.

Kazuma Kuwabara:
What? Then why the heck did you bring us to this freaky place? We sight seein'? 'Cause I've seen enough.

Itsuki:
I'm protecting the fight between our detectives. Though we are on different sides, we serve the same cause, do we not - protecting this battle through its completion without bickering amongst ourselves? Yusuke deserves it. Sensui deserves it.

Kazuma Kuwabara:
You tell me one good feature that traitor has, one decent thing that makes you follow his end-of-the-world crusade.

Itsuki:
He has everything. Sensui can be violent, courageous, spiritually pure, and even fragile. He can be a graceful spokesman with charisma to bring anyone to his side. Indeed, I have been drawn to his aura like a moth to the flame since the very first moment that we met. I first saw him in the darkness, forging a path of light. I would follow him for hours, unbeknownst to him. Just watching him work made me feel alive. My obsession grew. I began helping from the shadows, killing apparitions who wanted him dead. Of course when he caught me, he wasn't grateful. I was just another demon to judge.

Shinobu Sensui:
Do you have anything to say before you die?

Itsuki:
If it's possible, let me have one more day to live, Mr. Sensui.

Shinobu Sensui:
Why should I?

Itsuki:
Tomorrow my favorite television show airs its final episode and I'd like to see how it ends.

Shinobu Sensui:
[chucking] You're the first demon to ever make me laugh.

Itsuki:
Who could have dreamed that this hunter I admired for physical prowess, this killer of killers, could also be warm, compassionate, intellectual, open to broadening his view of the world... Yes, I admit my attraction was not purely academic. I always wished he would become my lover.

Kazuma Kuwabara:
Okay, you can stop right there. I don't think my ears are old enough for this.

Itsuki:
Drop ink on the finest snow-white paper, and it will inevitably absorb into black. Its purity demands it. Tainted men have immunities: Black does not absorb black.

Yusuke Urameshi:
Maybe there've been times when I've been pissed and hated things, but it wasn't from THIS work. My dad's a no show, my mom's a lush, and school sucks, but this job is the one damn thing I've ever been good at. And if all the crap in my life hasn't screwed me up yet, then neither will this, and neither will YOU.

Shinobu Sensui:
You take things so seriously sometimes.

Shinobu Sensui:
Despite advantages, you can't win. Want to hear a list of reason?

Yusuke Urameshi:
Heh! We've talked so much already, I don't think my attention span can take it.

Yusuke Urameshi:
Damn it! First, you say I'M faster, then YOU get the heads up on me like I'm an old lady crossin' the freeeway. For just once I want some honesty from the bad guys!

Shinobu Sensui:
Reason One why you don't stand a chance - I can predict your moves.

Yusuke Urameshi:
D'yeh! NOBODY can predict my attacks! I hope you know I beat a mind reader, okay? I'm too crazy to call!

Kazuma Kuwabara:
Yeah! Bring it to 'im, Urameshi! Just do anything obvious unless he thinks you won't 'cause then you should... uh... or not!

Koto:
[aloud but to herself] This is so exciting. I never heard such uproar for an early fight. I can't hear myself. I could say horrible things and no one would know it.

Kazuma Kuwabara:
[calling out, encouragingly] Try using your feet, or your elbows, maybe! Yeah, he wouldn't expect that!

Yusuke Urameshi:
[as he's fighting] Kuwabara, do me a favor and shut the Hell up!

Keiko Yukimura:
Yeah! Rip him a new one!

Shizuru Kuwabara:
There up go, girl.

Keiko Yukimura:
Sorry. It's exciting.

Yusuke Urameshi:
You know, this whole life or death thing... I'm starting to like it. Lemme guess - you, too?

Chu:
Never any pleasure in playin' if it ain't for keeps.

Yusuke Urameshi:
[after firing a blast for nothing] My spirit gun. You better get to know it. I got three more left, and one could probably kill you. Not too long ago I could only fire one of these a day, but... well, I was just so scrawny back then.

Chu:
[holding up his flask] This is the strongest alki ever made. It's called Ogre Killer.

Koto:
Oh, yeah, people. That's some strong stuff. Take a sip of that and you'll wake up in jail the next morning in the arms of a hairy demon you don't really want to know.

Koenma:
This Ogre Killer... I take it that's not something you drink for nutritional value.

Ogre:
No, sir, not if you consider the liver damage.

Koenma:
[watching Chu vomit] I can't believe apparitions pay money to see this filth.

Koto:
[commentating] Well, they've burned their skin, shortened their breath and somehow lost their shirts. Altogether I'd call it a successful fight.

Mr. Iwamoto:
No good weeds like you should've been plucked a long time ago. You don't belong here!

Yusuke Urameshi:
You shouldn't talk. It makes you sound stupid.

Atsuko Urameshi:
Why aren't you in school?

Yusuke Urameshi:
I left 'cause they pissed me off.

Yusuke Urameshi:
[confronting a rival street fighter] Hey, Kuwabara, you're conscious. I'm not used to THAT.

Kazuma Kuwabara:
[angry at Yusuke for dying] Who do you think you are, huh? Dirty punk! Who'm I gonna fight now? Who'm I gonna fight?

Mr. Takanaka:
[chastising a rude teacher] What do you suppose is more disgraceful: That boy shouting in misery or your insensitive and idiotic words?

Kazuma Kuwabara:
Urameshi! That was a cheap shot last time and I was only knocked out for a little bit okay? Now I'm back and I'm gonna mess your face up so bad even kittens wont even look at ya!

Yusuke Urameshi:
You shouldn't talk, it makes you sound stupid...

Kuwabara:
Shut up! Let go of me would ya? Damn you! You think you could just back out because you're scared? I'm not gonna leave. Not until he comes out of there to fight me. I'm gonna beat you down you punk. Who do you think you are? Who am I gonna fight? Who am I gonna fight? You're supposed to be here. For me.

Mr. Takanaka:
[Regarding Yusuke's Death] Dammit Yusuke, I don't why I don't feel like speaking highly of you, why couldn't you have stayed? You could've made something great out of yourself...

Yusuke Urameshi:
What are the chances of a Demon being a total wuss?

[Regaring Botan, the pilot of the River Styx]

Yusuke Urameshi:
How can you be grim if you say Bingo all the time?

Kuwabara:
Urameshi, I'm gonna mess your face up so bad the kittens wont even look at you!

Narrator:
And so it begins. This boy's name is Yusuke. He's 14 years old, and is supposed to be the hero of this story... But oddly enough, he's dead.

Botan:
Yusuke, this is Botan. Do you copy?

Yusuke Urameshi:
What now?

Botan:
Small problem.

Yusuke Urameshi:
[seeing Keiko on the monitor] D'ya! Keiko?

Botan:
I had to pick her up from school, Yusuke. It seems that every infected person in the area is looking for her.

Yusuke Urameshi:
What?

Botan:
And I don't think they want to talk.

Koenma:
We can not afford to lose Keiko's life.

Ogre:
Why not, sir.

Koenma:
You know how Yusuke is with authority. If I let Keiko die, that delinquent will never take orders from me again.

Ogre:
Oh.

Koenma:
But our only chance is for Yusuke to get that whistle - so keeping Yusuke only depends on Yusuke!

Narrator:
Cultivated humans: Demons grow these bodies in large fields, stripping them of their free will at birth. They are perfect, brainless slaves.

Suzaku:
I've been watching your dear Keiko. It's amazing how much humans resemble animals when they're being hunted.

Keiko Yukimura:
You're that girl Yusuke was with on the roof, aren't you?

Botan:
Mm, yes, but...

Keiko Yukimura:
If there's something going on between you and him - well, I can't stop that - but please tell me where he is.

Botan:
[nervously] Ah, ha-ha... Well, I can guarantee that Yusuke's all yours, but why don't we work out those details after we escape from the hundreds of infected humans who want to kill you.

Suzaku:
You should feel most fortunate, Yusuke. Not everyone's girlfriend gets to star in a horror movie. Of course, the films in my city are somewhat different. Demons usually don't care much for happy endings.

Suzaku:
[mildly] You actually made my hand numb with that last attack. It's a very good thing you can't hit me with it or I might be in some trouble.

Yusuke Urameshi:
[to himself] Six months of misery with that fossil Genkai and my Spirit Gun still gets whacked!

Narrator:
Storm of Torment: Uniting the powers of lightning with spirit energy, a hybrid force is created to envelop an opponent in a wall of torture. Escape is nearly impossible.

Murugu:
Look at him writhe, Suzaku. I just love when they do that.

Suzaku:
You'll find that the energy will seek you out like lightning to a rod, but take heart. You are the first human to ever survive my technique.

Murugu:
You must feel so proud.

Suzaku:
You are an idiot race that deserves extinction.

[Keiko and Botan are trapped in a cul-de-sac as infected humans approach]

Botan:
We'll have to find some way to fight them together. We're reasonably athletic girls with a couple of good set of fists, aren't we?

Keiko Yukimura:
Yes.

Suzaku:
You have much more Spirit Energy then the other pawns King Yama sent after me in the past, but it will never be enough to ruin my great plans. As soon as you rise I'll have to finish this. Why don't you stay down and watch the end of Kayko's movie?

Yusuke Urameshi:
She won't be so easy to shove in a corner you know. Kayko's no fighter, but she's plenty tough. And she's not following your stupid script. [Suzaku laughs] [Yusuke puts his rubber shoes on his hands]

Yusuke Urameshi:
She's not. And neither am I! Let's do this a**hole!

Koto:
From the sound of things it seems like everyone in the stadium is a big fan of the tall, dark and gruesome Karasu.

Keiko Yukimura:
What did you just say? You couldn't PAY me to root for that vampire-wannabe-weirdo.

Shizuru Kuwabara:
I dunno. He does've lots of beautiful hair.

Ogre:
Don't forget your stretches, Koenma, sir! Huh?

[Notices others staring at the large, spiked club he's holding]

Ogre:
Uh, this was supposed to be Koenma's. Guess I'll just use it to scare people. Ku-ra-ma! Ku-ra-ma!

[Orge and the few others start cheering wildly for Koenma. Yusuke looks up from below]

Yusuke Urameshi:
Damn it. If they start a riot in the stands, I'm not gonna be the one that saves 'em.

Shizuru Kuwabara:
Genkai knew she was leaving when she talked to us in the woods, but she made a molehill out of a mountain because she didn't want us to worry. She wouldn't want us to worry NOW. She was ready to die.

Botan:
Why THAT way? She was sad, and scared... in so much pain. I WILL NEVER FORGIVE HIM FOR WHAT HE DID TO HER!

Koto:
Oh, wow. Kurama's surrounded by a huge whirlwind of rose petals. Karasu must stink.

Kurama:
There is no doubt that, while I am in my human form, Karasu will dominate this fight with his power and speed. When I transform into Yoko Kurama I may have the strength needed to beat him. As for now, it is imperative that I take my time and be as careful as possible. I must avoid being touched by him until my transformation has taken place.

[Karasu walks deliberately into Kurama's cloud of swirling rose pedals]

Karasu:
It's incredible. Each of the pedals is as sharp as a razor blade. How utterly charming. I must say, Kurama, they are absolutely beautiful, however they are also weak and lacking in substance - traits they must have inherited from you.

Koto:
What an attack! It's just the way I like it - confidence with a hint of malice.

Karasu:
You KNOW you can't stop me but you continue to try all the same. That's what's so appealing about you. It's a shame that circumstances couldn't have been different for us, but it doesn't really matter. Even things that seem ideal always turn sour. I'm just speeding the process. Besides, I've found that there's no greater rush than taking the life of someone you care for. The intimacy that murderer and victim share is unparalleled - witnessing their spirit separate itself from their body.

Sakyo:
This is so boring. If I were in the V.I.P. room I could at least have a drink.

Younger Toguro:
Karasu DOES like to hear himself talk, but things are about to get better.

Ogre:
You go, King of Thieves! You're my man!

Yoko Kurama:
Creating a bomb form nothing takes talent. That calibre of power is a sign you belong to a superior class of demons. A class I consider to be very worthy - worthy to fight and worthy to die.

Karasu:
You flatter me, but we're still not equals.

Yoko Kurama:
Rest assured, Karasu - I wholly agree.

Yoko Kurama:
Have you ever heard of Orjigi? It's a rare plant found only on Earth's South America. The Orjigi is extremely sensitive to movement. When it senses any kind of vibration, it will quickly close its leaves around its prey.

Karasu:
I have no interest in gardening.

Yoko Kurama:
An Orjigi plant is quite dangerous, regularly, and it is several times MORE lethal and MORE sensitive when grown under a demon's energy.

[Yoko Kurama speaks again of his Orjigi plant to Karasu]

Yoko Kurama:
It looks like it's zeroed in on you. I guess all your trembling must have caught its attention.

Kazuma Kuwabara:
N', I haven't seen Keiko this happy in months. You guys must really have somethin' for her to be that way. Don't act like you're not excited, too! How do you think Keiko feels when you pretend you don't care?

Yusuke Urameshi:
Hey, you're squishing my milkshake!

Yusuke Urameshi:
[to Botom] I got back from Grandma's evil bootcamp today and I deserve a vacation. Why don't you call back in two years?

Yusuke Urameshi:
And who are these stupid Saint Beasts?

Botan:
They are four of the most notorious criminals in all of the spirit world. The title "Saint" was given to them by their followers. Years ago they were chased by a coalition of pursuers and evaded capture by locking themselves into a booby-trapped fortress. Since then, a whole city has formed at its base, filled with vile crooks who view these beasts like gods - The City of Ghosts and Apparitions.

Kazuma Kuwabara:
Look, I'm not dumb, or blind. We all know I can see supernatural stuff a whole lot better than Yusuke, and I'm not gonna sit around my house while Yusuke doesn't see things and lets big monsters and insects take over my city - 'cause I'm Kuwabara! And in case you guys forgot, I've got a sword.

Botan:
Well, Yusuke, I guess there's no point in arguing with the eager.

Yusuke Urameshi:
Banging on the floors of random warehouses - seems like fun to me.

Kazuma Kuwabara:
[surrounded by demons] Urameshi, there's too many of 'em. And, I'm not sure, but I think they wanna eat me.

Yusuke Urameshi:
[welcomingly] Well, well, well. The thieves!

Youko Kurama:
Hello.

Yusuke Urameshi:
Well, what are you doing here?

Jaganshi Hiei:
Even that fool, Koenma, knew that it would take more than human power to kill the Saint Beasts.

Youko Kurama:
By aiding in this mission, Koenma has assured us we can clean our slates in Spirit World.

Yusuke Urameshi:
Heh-heh-heh-heh. I guess Koenma heard me complaining.

Kazuma Kuwabara:
Well, I don't have a clue what's goin' on, but it sure is nice to have a helping hand.

Jaganshi Hiei:
"Helping" is not the right word.

Kazuma Kuwabara:
Hm?

Jaganshi Hiei:
Koenma may regard us as equals but I do not. Once inside the castle I suggest you let us do the work. As far as I'm concerned, we're babysitting.

Youko Kurama:
Any prize that's worth having usually requires a risk.

Eye-Bat, Additional Voices:
Heavy, isn't it? Sensors in the corridor are most intelligent, and a complex assembly of gears adapts the ceiling's weight precisely to the strength of its victims. Of course, there is a catch. Just enough leeway remains for one person to escape, leaving their friends to be crushed by the weight.

Yusuke Urameshi:
Damn it.

Eye-Bat, Additional Voices:
But decisions must be made quickly. Not even the four of you combined can hold the ceiling for long. Insist on teamwork and everyone will be crushed. Only by turning against your friends will one of you be able to escape. Only the traitor among you deserves to enter Maze Castle.

Yusuke Urameshi:
Man, I knew we should have played some trust games.

Kazuma Kuwabara:
What the heck happened to your arm?

Hiei:
It wouldn't obey when I gave it a specifc command, so I decided it needed to be punished.

Yusuke Urameshi:
It's time to kick some ass.

Ogre:
Koenma, sir. I don't mean to interrupt, but it's time.

Koenma:
Aw, keep your undies on.

Koto:
I just checked my watch, people, and it looks like we're moments away from the ensuing bloodbath. The outcome is uncertain but the lovely carnage is guarenteed. I'm not sure I can take it. I might faint from the anticipation.

Kazuma Kuwabara:
Ah ha! It just so happens I know a secret remedy to cure all kinds of sickness. Lemme think. First you hang upside down for awhile, then you eat five large lemons, drink some two-day-old tea with pepper in it and wrap your body in seaweed.

Hiei:
So tell me, what's it like living in a constant haze of stupidity?

Shishiwakamaru:
Let's get started, my defective friend. I've got fame to achieve.

Kazuma Kuwabara:
That's it. My head as a trampoline is where I draw the line.

[Kuwabara dissolves into Shishiwakamaru's Cape of No Return]

Kazuma Kuwabara:
Hey. Hey. What're you doing to me. Uh. Uh. Hey. I'm not ugly, okay?

Hiei:
Nice last words.

Kurama:
I've lost all trace of him. It's as if he's ceased to exist.

Kazuma Kuwabara:
Long time no see, tulip. Hey, baby. He-he-he. Felt my rockin' rhythm and had to follow?

Yukina:
Actually, we just went to the wrong ring on accident.

Kazuma Kuwabara:
[laughing nervously] Now, now, there's no accident here. No. It's a thing we call destiny.

Shizuru Kuwabara:
[cutting through his pretense] Lost another fight, didn't you baby brother?

Kazuma Kuwabara:
Ah, well, I guess you could say that.

[punch]

Shizuru Kuwabara:
Our lives on the line and you're fighting like a fifth grader?

Younger Toguro:
Team Urameshi did not cheat. To understand why, you merely have to know who that woman is. While employing the technique she's so fond of, the body of the user does a most impressive thing. The cells return to the moment they were strongest. The young girl you saw before and the old woman there now are the same person, the human psychic who created the Spirit Wave - it's been such a long time since we've talked, hasn't it? - Genkai.

Shishiwakamaru:
The Banshee Shriek - I think it's such a lovely name for a sword. It has the power to beckon lost demon souls into the ring with us. It should be the prefect way to make myself a reputation.

Kurama:
I've seen a sword like that before, and I don't believe he understands the danger of it. It has more power than he does.

Yukina:
Hiei. He's the quiet one with the gifted eyes, isn't he? The one who didn't want play cards with us all.

Kazuma Kuwabara:
Oh, sure, if by gifted eyes you mean freakish. Why you all so interested in him? Listen, don't start thinkin' he's cool or anything. He's scary and he'll bite off your head.

Yukina:
Oh.

Botan:
[Angrily] Take that back, Kuwabara! That's no way to talk of a perfectly decent guy.

Kazuma Kuwabara:
"Decent guy?" That's not what you said before.

Botan:
Ah... You must be confused. I've always thought Hiei was a swell person, and you should, too, especially since Yukina happens to be...

Hiei:
[sending a private mental message] Yes, tell them I'm her brother. I'll rather enjoy torturing you to death.

Keiko Yukimura:
What's wrong with her all of a sudden?

Kazuma Kuwabara:
Uh? Maybe she ate some bad meat.

Narrator:
As reunited friends return to the stadium with Yusuke unharmed, Genjai will fight with her identity revealed and her power already given away.

Jaganshi Hiei:
Fool! There can't be earthquakes on the water.

[wondering about their mysterious fifth teammate]

Kazuma Kuwabara:
We don't know jack squat about that guy. What if he loses and we get booted from the tournament?

Jaganshi Hiei:
If that happens, all we have to do is kill everyone else on the boat before we reach the island. We'll say we're the right team and no one will complain.

Kazuma Kuwabara:
You didn't have too many friends growing up, did you?

Koenma:
That's it! Where's Botan? Why hasn't she given me a report by now? That girl is getting spankings.

Kazuma Kuwabara:
Wait. What happened to the fight we were just in?

Youko Kurama:
Everyone's dead.

Kurama:
What are you mumbling?

Hiei:
He's trying to talk in his sleep when he's awake.

Kuwabara:
Hey! What happened to that fight we were in?

Hiei:
Everyone's dead.

Kuwabara:
Oh...

Yusuke Urameshi:
Which of you strapping lads will I have the pleasure of fighting first?

Kazuma Kuwabara:
No way! You are a girl. We can't fight girls. It's against my code. Come on, Urameshi, let's just walk past her.

Miyuki:
Oh. A gentleman. A pawn of insecure males seeking to own their women.

Kazuma Kuwabara:
Whoa, whoa, I don't know anything about that, okay? Guys just don't fight girls.

Yusuke Urameshi:
I'll fight with you.

Kazuma Kuwabara:
kuw- Urameshi, are you serious?

Yusuke Urameshi:
She's a fighter and she's tryin' to get in our way. I don't care if she's a girl or a baby or somebody's grandmother. I'll still knock her out.

Kazuma Kuwabara:
Daah! Urameshi, how can you keep hitting a girl like that? I mean, you even hit her in the ta-ta's.

Yusuke Urameshi:
Give me a break. You want me just to stand still while she reams me?

Kazuma Kuwabara:
I don't know! All I'm saying is that boys are not allowed to hit girls.

Yusuke Urameshi:
We're both fighters. Why the hell does it make a difference?

Yusuke Urameshi:
The family jewels have not been stolen.

Yusuke Urameshi:
I'm fighting you 'cause you won't let us save that girl. It's got nothing to do with anything except for me kicking your ass.

Kazuma Kuwabara:
I've been thinkin' 'bout what you did back there, Urameshi. You know, I mean, the way you checked to see if Miyuke was a boy. What would you have done if it had actually been a girl you were touching?

Yusuke Urameshi:
Think about it, stupid. Like I would've complained.

Kazuma Kuwabara:
Keiko's not gonna like hearing that.

Yusuke Urameshi:
You wouldn't dare tell Keiko that for real.

Kazuma Kuwabara:
Well, there is this new CD I want and I haven't had enough money to buy it.

[Kuwabara sees Yukina, Botan, Keiko and Shizuru]

Kazuma Kuwabara:
Yukina! Hey, and you brought me three servants, too.

[clobber]

Shizuru Kuwabara:
For a joke to get old it has to be funny in the first place, baby bro.

Younger Toguro:
Do you have any other distractions or can I stay powered up this time?

Genkai:
No. Everything I needed has been answered.

Younger Toguro:
Excellent. I'd hate to leave an old hag unfulfilled.

Genkai:
I was such a foolish little girl. I should have been able to see from the start how you'd turn out. You had it written in ugly black letters all across your soul.

Younger Toguro:
And I can't help but think that our human lives are nothing but a cruel joke. You're just long enough to know what we want, then it erodes.

Younger Toguro:
I see after fifty years you've improved your dodging. That swipe I just made was supposed to remove your heart.

Younger Toguro:
Demon energy may not always be stronger than human spirit power, but it gives a much more pleasurable sensation when used!

Younger Toguro:
Strength to make the most learn?d techniques outmoded - that is strength absolute.

Younger Toguro:
This is your final moment, Genkai. I hope you're at least happy with the way you wasted your life.

Genkai:
Only one regret, Toguro. Despite all the abilities my Spirit Wave afforded me, it never gave me the power to do the one thing I hoped it could from my first hour of seclusion.

[Her young voice returns from the past]

Genkai:
One day I'm going to help you, Toguro. I'm going to come back and heal you from your madness.

Genkai:
When an old teammate traps you into a tournament after fifty years, you don't take it lightly. I knew I would die here.

Genkai:
Everyone has to fight with time to find their place before their inevitable death. Toguro. He ran away from that fight. Don't you EVER do the same. No human is ever a one-man-show. Every decision that you make will affect the countless people who care about you. Do you understand? You can't be a cocky kid anymore.

[Awareness simultaneously hits several people separated by distance]

Hiei:
Genkai's been finished.

Kurama:
Her energy is completely gone.

Koenma:
Oh. She's dead.

Ogre:
Ah?

Botan:
Oh, Genkai...

Botan:
It's really quiet, almost eerily quiet. So what do you think? Should we take that as a good omen or a bad one?

Yu Kaito a.k.a. Taboo:
Well, I would think... the apocalypse would have to make a bit of noise.

Botan:
Genkai, is there any way you can smell how much longer it will be until the tunnel is fully open?

[Sniff sniff]

Genkai:
Less than ten minutes, now.

Botan:
Ah! I hope Koenma can make it there in time with his pacifier.

Kazuma Kuwabara:
Hey, get up! Don't quit now, Urameshi!

Yusuke Urameshi:
Thanks for the hint, Kuwabara. I never would have thought of that on my own.

Shinobu Sensui:
And now we return to your same old conventional punches. It's unfortunate, honestly, to see that your brief spontaneity was merely a passing reprieve.

Yusuke Urameshi:
That's way too many big words, pal!

Shinobu Sensui:
Stop... your... WHINING! You're acting like a little b*tch. Suck it up and get off your stinking ass!

Kurama:
His tone has changed. That doesn't sound like Sensui.

Kazuma Kuwabara:
Yeah, he's got a potty mouth now.

Itsuki:
It's not him. He has been substituted now.

Itsuki:
Kazuya is by far the most ruthless and cold-blooded of the seven. He's been known to torture small children purely for its entertainment value.

Shinobu Sensui:
[as Kazuya] Now come to Daddy. My, you've got the face of a little angel. Too bad I gotta bust it.

[Kazuya brings the nuzzle of his gun up toward Yusuke's head]

Shinobu Sensui:
Open your mouth and close your eyes.

Asato Kido a.k.a. Shadow:
You realize how many doctors are in here?

Yusuke Urameshi:
Okay, then we'll just have to knock 'em all out.

Genkai:
Just don't hit too hard. I hate crippling civilians.

Genkai:
This doctor might not work here. Maybe a nurse could spot an impostor.

Yusuke Urameshi:
Clever.

Asato Kido a.k.a. Shadow:
I'll take care of that, you guys.

Yusuke Urameshi:
And I'll check the upstairs.

Genkai:
If anybody finds him, make a noise we'll all hear. Either scream or blow something up.

Sensui Shinobu:
I've staged an interesting test at the doctor's expense. I want to see what happens when Yusuke's group has to battle a fellow human to the death.

Minoru Kamiya a.k.a. The Doctor:
This is definitely my favorite power. I can infect everyone within my territory with a disease of my own psychic creation. I change these demon insects to be my carriers. The weaker the victim's energy, the faster the disease can spread. Your friends will last thirty minutes, and then I'll get to watch them die.

Yusuke Urameshi:
I learned form Kaito about you psychics. Your powers fade when you're asleep - so go to bed.

Minoru Kamiya a.k.a. The Doctor:
No time to sleep. I'm working a double shift.

Minoru Kamiya a.k.a. The Doctor:
As a doctor, anything I can cut I can stitch back into place.

[the doctor reattaches his own severed arm]

Yusuke Urameshi:
One downside to making friends: You've got more people to protect. I mean, when does a hero say, "No, don't hurt that total stranger, I'll give up my own life?"

Koenma:
Sensui certainly is persistent and goal-oriented, I'll give him that - just two of the many qualities I avoided when I hired Yusuke.

Koenma:
You DO know a lot of tricks.

Genkai:
Hiding in a compound can do that to you.

Kiyoshi Mitarai a.k.a. Seaman:
I work for Sensui.

Koenma:
Does he know that, 'cause from where I've been standing it looks like he's trying to terminate more than your employment.

Tsukihito Amanuma a.k.a. Game Master:
Hold on to whacha got! Drivin' a REAL car is pretty much like the racing game at the arcade.

Kazuma Kuwabara:
You've never driven before?

Tsukihito Amanuma a.k.a. Game Master:
Of course not, dumb-ass. I'm only eleven-years-old.

Sadao Makihara a.k.a. Gourmet:
Aw, give the poor back-seat driver a break, Game Master. He's probably just a little on edge because his seatbelt's fastened too tight.

Kazuma Kuwabara:
D'oh, man! I knew those creepy fingers were familiar, but how can your guy have Toguro's hands?

Sensui Shinobu:
Because he swallowed him, the same way he's going to swallow you, Kuwabara, as soon as your power's completed.

[Seeing Yusuke coming to his rescue on a bicycle]

Kazuma Kuwabara:
What! You couldn't find a little girl's SCOOTER?

Yusuke Urameshi:
I don't know! You couldn't go a week without getting snagged by the forces of EVIL? Ahh!

Yusuke Urameshi:
[peddling up the driver's window] Consider this your first and only chance to get out of this alive. Now pull this thing over or I'm gonna run your ass off the road.

Tsukihito Amanuma a.k.a. Game Master:
[to Gourmet] He can't possibly do that with a bicycle, can he?

Yusuke Urameshi:
[feeling a sensation on his chest and arms] What d'you do to me?

Kaname Hagiri a.k.a. Sniper:
Just markin' my territory.

Yusuke Urameshi:
Well, that's gross.

Koenma:
But why is Kuwabara on everybody's A-list now? Not that I'm jealous.

Kiyoshi Mitarai a.k.a. Seaman:
Because of what he can do. Sensui needs him to carry out the plan. Kuwabara's a lot stronger, a lot more important than any of you seem to give him credit for. After all, he beat ME, and in that fight he awakened a new power, the power to slice through dimensions, cut down territories and psychic barriers - the very power Mr. Sensui was seeking.

Koenma:
You're killing me.

Kiyoshi Mitarai a.k.a. Seaman:
What about me? Is there anything I can help you do?

Kurama:
You should search your soul for the answer to that. You're free to go with us or you are free to be our foe, but if you choose the later the next time we meet I'll show you no mercy. You must choose what you believe and make your stand.

[Yusuke knows he and Keiko's argument had just been spied upon]

Yusuke Urameshi:
[calling to the bushes] Hey! Don't think I didn't hear that noisy girl. If it's huggy, kissy stuff you want, go home and watch your soaps.

Botan:
Meow.

Yusuke Urameshi:
Have any idea what curiosity does for cats, Botan?

Botan:
Over here, Yusuke. I had absolutely no earthly clue I'd find you here.

Yusuke Urameshi:
Right, right. You were just lookin' for a place to pee.

[appraising Kurama]

Gouki:
So you're tellin' me this is him? That's very funny, Hiei. I heard boogeyman stories about Yoko in lockdown, and this red-haired princess ain't it.

Botan:
Don't tell me you've forgotten about it again!

Yusuke Urameshi:
Okay, I won't!

Botan:
Koenma just finished telling you about the golden egg that's got your spirit beast inside. Do you really need a recap twice a day to remind you of what's going on?

Yusuke Urameshi:
[laughs] Oh, yeah, I remember pacifier-breath saying something like that about something like that.

Yoko Kurama:
Each branch of this tree has a mouth, and each mouth of the branch has saliva that will melt your bones in under a minute, though the pain will make every second seem like its own eternity to you.

[Koenma, in his teen form, pops up suddenly, startling Yusuke and Botan]

Yusuke Urameshi:
Damn it, don't do that! We're still not used to you being at eye level.

Koenma:
And this "pacifier-breath" is still not used to you getting dumber every single time he sees you.

Yoko Kurama:
Just a lower-class beast, always the easiest of pawns.

Koenma:
The beast will reflect who you really are inside - not that brat routine you put on to be cool. And if your true heart has been selfish and evil, so will be the beast and, well, you remember that part about head-devouring.

Yusuke Urameshi:
So I'll be a ghost again like when this whole thing started.

Koenma:
No, Yusuke. When a spirit beast consumes you, it takes the whole package, body AND soul. You won't be a ghost. You won't go to Spirit World. You will be absolutely nothing at all.

Koto:
I can't explain it. My silver-haired hunk has transformed to a sadly tailless Kurama. My whole weekend is shot.

[At the sight of Yusuke's adorable spirit beast]

Botan:
When I picture Yusuke's disposition I see scales and beady eyes, but cute and furry's another way to go.

[Yusuke's agony continues, weakening him more and more, driving him toward death]

Genkai:
All these years to find the right student. What the Hell have I done?

Botan:
Just because your egg hatches doesn't mean you get to be a punk again.

Shishiwakamaru:
Now which one of you lovely fighters do I get to beat?

Kazuma Kuwabara:
[kiddingly] I never knew how adorable you were inside. You're as cute as a little girl.

[punch]

Yusuke Urameshi:
[angrily] How adorable was that!

Koto:
Shishi's definitely got a cheer section with him. Oh, I think we've lost some tops.

Keiko Yukimura:
When you're next to each other, you two kinda look alike. He's even got your hair.

Yusuke Urameshi:
I'll say the little booger's got my hair - he's got it right between his retarded claws and he ain't lettin' go. He better not leave me any spirit surprises.

Shishiwakamaru:
Yes, you, with the inferior face.

Kazuma Kuwabara:
Huh? You... You mean this one?

Shishiwakamaru:
Well, of course. Who else would I mean? Huh. You must be bored as a side-show freak. Why don't you come fight?

Kazuma Kuwabara:
Dehhhh! I'll show you, pretty boy!

Hiei:
Hm.

Kurama:
Seems Shishi's struck a sensitive chord.

Shizuru Kuwabara:
Time flies when you're mocking Yusuke mercilessly.

Kurama:
Perhaps this can only be decided with a game of Jankin.

Kazuma Kuwabara:
Oh, yeah. Bring it on. I'm a rock-paper-scissors master.

Hiei:
Jankin? And what the Hell is that?

Kazuma Kuwabara:
Gee, man, you really DIDN'T have a childhood, huh?

[Kuwabara and the girls leave the room, laughing at Yusuke's discomfort over his adorable spirit beast]

Yusuke Urameshi:
I can kill you all with my finger, you know. Don't run. I'll show you cute and friendly. I'll show you cute and friendly till you're black and blue all over.

Yukina:
Achoo!

Botan:
"Sneezy, sneezy, achoo - somebody special's thinking about you."

Shizuru Kuwabara:
Botan, you've got to be the biggest freak in the world.

Koto:
Good morning, blood-lusters and blood-lusterettes.

Kazuma Kuwabara:
That IS unbelievable. I mean, I can't believe we missed the entire fight just because I took a couple o' extra minutes to brush my teeth.

Kurama:
It was an impressive sight to behold.

Hiei:
Though I'm sure your minty fresh breath was well worth the delay.

[Hiei notices Puu perched on Yusuke's head]

Hiei:
What is that ridiculous appendage growing out of your head all about?

Yusuke Urameshi:
It's just a puberty thing, okay?

[Kuwabara mentions Yukina]

Kazuma Kuwabara:
She's actually partially here to look for her long lost, estranged brother. I'm gonna help her look for 'im just as soon as we win this tournament.

Kurama:
[pointedly at Hiei] Yukina's brother! Yes! Sounds like a noble cause. We should assist her, too, Hiei.

Yusuke Urameshi:
[joining in on the ribbing] Yeah, you could even lend an eye.

Hiei:
[rapidly to a boil] Ahhhh, will you shut up?

Kazuma Kuwabara:
Wait. Uh... What's goin' on here? Am I missing something? What aren't you guys tellin' me? What do you keep laughin' about, anyway?

Genkai:
At least your act is tough.

Yusuke Urameshi:
Hey, I work hard at it.

Yusuke Urameshi:
If you wanna be famous why don't you start a boy band. You got the look down.

Genkai:
See that over there?

Yusuke Urameshi:
A big rock. Yeah, that explains everything.

Genkai:
Shoot it with your spirit gun at full power.

Yusuke Urameshi:
But you still haven't answered my question yet.

Genkai:
Don't make me slap you upside the head. Just shoot the damn thing!

Yusuke Urameshi:
Eeh. Oh, all right! Hag.

Genkai:
I can never tell what's worse - your aim or your pride in it.

Yusuke Urameshi:
Give me a break! That was the perfectest shot there is. Why don't you show this young whippersnapper how it was done in the olden days?

Genkai:
Gladly, you patronizing jackass.

Genkai:
Pay attention, slacker. You've been brought to this tournament for one reason. Toguro knows what you're capable of. It's time you understood it, too.

Genkai:
When you channel your spirit power to its maximum, the body cells shift and you take on the form you had at the moment you were most powerful in your life. In my case I was a swinging twenty-something. Yours is right now. You just don't know it yet. That's why we've come here. It's time for you to take the final test and reach your graduation.

Yusuke Urameshi:
Why do I get the feeling this isn't gonna be easy.

Yusuke Urameshi:
You know what? When you're next to each other you two kind of look alike. He's even got your hair.

Yusuke Urameshi:
I'll say the little booger's got my hair. He's got it right between his retarded claws and he ain't letting go... He better not leave me any Spirit surprises.

Asato Kido a.k.a. Shadow:
I HEARD you were headstrong - the nicer way to say you're stupid.

Yusuke Urameshi:
Shut up!

Yu Kaito a.k.a. Taboo:
In my territory you can't say the letters H, O and T in a row, even if they are parts if different words.

Yu Kaito a.k.a. Taboo:
Souls are the only thing you can't make stronger by training. You can only make them darker.

Asato Kido a.k.a. Shadow:
What is going on down there?

Yusuke Urameshi:
Ha! You invited three jerks into your living room who don't know how to lose. What did you expect, they'd obey you politely? They're coming up here and they're gonna bust me out, and then I'm gonna kick you ass.

Yusuke Urameshi:
Some friends you are - ditchin' a guy when he's down then hoggin' the bad guy all to yourselves. I gotta admit I'm disappointed in your jerks, but did you honestly think I'd just lie there and let you guys fight my battles for me? Gimme a break.

Hiei:
I had no idea you were one of us, Yusuke. How's it feel to be so superior?

Yusuke Urameshi:
Duh... honestly? I don't really feel all that different now. I mean I haven't sprouted horns or extra eyes yet, but I do have this sudden burning desire to tear this guy to pieces. So how about it, Sensui? Ready to feed some worms?

Kazuma Kuwabara:
I'm ready, and better than ever! Stand back, 'cause I can kick his butt myself

Hiei:
You DO realize he'll be kicking back?

Kazuma Kuwabara:
Yeah, and after him, you're next!

Captain Otake:
Let me assure you that you soldiers are the finest Spirit World has; but, with that said, there is always someone better.

Oho:
This... can't be.

Captain Otake:
We've operated on a need-to-know basis, and as long as we've stayed clear of Demon World's pits, you didn't need to know, but beyond B- and A-class there exists an S-class.

[Yusuke's Spirit Gun misses Shinobu]

Yusuke Urameshi:
My aim's off, I guess.

Kurama:
He must learn to adjust to his new powers.

Hiei:
Yes, hardly a marksman-like performance, but don't forget, if we've learned one thing fighting with Yusuke it's that he adapts quickly to new circumstances to squeeze out a win.

Yusuke Urameshi:
[to Shinobu] Just you and me now. Well, you and you and you and you and you and you and you and me. We're gonna finish this... for good.

Kazuma Kuwabara:
I don't know. I still can't believe this giant beast of a bird is really our cute little Puu.

Koenma:
Well, he's a reflection of Yusuke's self. As Yusuke was reborn, so was Puu.

Kazuma Kuwabara:
But Urameshi didn't get all jumbo-sized.

Koenma:
Not on the outside.

Hiei:
The joy of a worthy foe - it's what I felt when I fought with Yusuke.

Raizen:
You are the one, at last.

Yusuke Urameshi:
Who are you?

Raizen:
You don't know how to use your power. Let me show you.

Shigeru Murota:
I don't have any heroic aspirations. I'm much more interested in starting my fighting career.

Yusuke Urameshi:
I hear ya. You have your own needs. Then how about I kick your ass, first.

Mitsunari Yanagisawa a.k.a. Copy:
Um, Master Genkai, isn't this what you warned him NOT to do?

Genkai:
Don't you worry. He may look like a dimwit - in fact, he definitely is - but he's also the Dark Tournament champ, and he can fight like a genius once he knows his prey.

Shigeru Murota:
[reading Yusuke's thoughts] Hey, wait a sec. You really WANT to kill me.

Yusuke Urameshi:
DID YOU HAVE TO READ MY MIND TO FIGURE THAT ONE OUT?

Genkai:
[disgusted] And I might help him.

[while trying to ferret out the enemy, Murota is shot in the forehead]

Sensui Shinobu:
We'll call that my introduction, Yusuke Urameshi.

[Determining what to do about Yusuke's group]

Sensui Shinobu:
One of our enemies might be "the one." As you recall, our psychic has a problem with the Kekkai barrier. Even if he completes the tunnel, the best destroyers won't be able to cross. We need another psychic to break the net. We may have found one in THIS group.

Kaname Hagiri a.k.a. Sniper:
Who is it?

Sensui Shinobu:
You leave that business to me. In the meantime, let's get rid of the extras.

Shigeru Murota:
[reporting] "Let's dig a hole, Sniper, each one of us. Seven graves will be a decent start." Black Angel, Gatekeeper, Sniper, Gourmet, Game Master, Doctor and 'C'-man - those were the words that came to his mind when he said the word "seven."

Narrator:
In a city once dull and peaceful, a battle of worlds is poised to begin.

Koenma:
[to Boton] There are so many people on Earth who'd give anything to learn Genkai's ability, which is quite understandable considering what you can do with it. It is a powerful psychic technique that can, depending on the user, either protect or destroy hundreds of people. Furthermore, it will be a good chance to train Yusuke. That lazy kid won't ever get better unless someone forces it down his throat.

Genkai:
The first test of your screenings will be the drawing of lots.

Yusuke Urameshi:
Agh! How is that a test?

Genkai:
Those who won - please follow me. Those who lost - please get lost. [to herself] Of course what you don't realize is that you turned the paper red yourselves if you had enough spirit energy. It's a great trick.

Genkai:
The only different with larger fighters is that they're louder when they whine.

Yusuke Urameshi:
She blew those guys away with her mind? Now I'm interested.

Genkai:
But these are not ordinary games that you will playing. The jonkin game tests your spirit awareness, the punching game shows your spirit strength, and the karaoke tests your energy's ability to adapt and grow stronger. If you can not pass two out of three, then go home quickly. And don't play the other games - they're just for me.

Genkai:
[observing Kuwabara] His awareness of the spirit world is exceptional. With his temper, I'm surprised he hasn't harnessed that into a weapon yet.

Genkai:
Now that the weak have been eliminated, the tests will be far more severe.

Genkai:
Ha ha ha! Yes, run along. I don't blame you. Even a person with the slightest spirit awareness can feel this forest will tear you into pieces if you let it.

Yusuke Urameshi:
I'm not about to get scared off by a little walk through Grandma's forest.

Genkai:
Watch your mouth, you dumb little brat!

Yusuke Urameshi:
Stop getting so excited. It's embarrassing.

Genkai:
Best of luck. I hope you don't die. Ready? Set? Go? I'll be waiting for you by the tree. If you're smart you'll use your spirt awareness to find the quickest way. Goodbye.

Kazuma Kuwabara:
[watching her outrun everyone] She's so fast. Are we sure she's not like an alien?

Yusuke Urameshi:
[to himself] What's with this spirit awareness crap? Everybody knows the quickest way's a straight line.

Yusuke Urameshi:
Why don't you quit hugging me, you weirdo?

Kazuma Kuwabara:
You're the one hugging. I was tryin' to squeeze you to death.

Hiei:
I am fighting without purpose, falling back into a life of meaningless killing, a life of dishonor and cowardice. There is no more dignity in this sort of existence, so I must find honor in death.

Hiei:
Even as a child I found tremendous pleasure in spilling my enemies' blood. Their screams of agony were my music box. Once I realized my mother's frozen teardrop was highly valuable, I would purposefully wear it in clear sight of everyone, hoping their greed would entice them to challenge me, thus giving me the opportunity to take another life. I suppose I wanted to prove that my mother's people were right to abandon me.

Hiei:
Simultaneous death - the highest honor one fighter can give another.

Hiei:
My mother's people were a gloomy, timid race. It seemed as if ice was pumping through their veins instead of blood, like their spirits had been frozen and they were incapable of love. My impulse to kill faded: they were already dead.

Yusuke Urameshi:
[looking about the damaged stadium] You've gotta hand it to 'im. When Hiei's feelin' serious, he really let's you know.

Koto:
I've received word that we'll have a long intermission while the replacement ring is brought in. Feel free to move around the parts of the stadium that still exist and, or course as always, don't forget the snack bars.

[Ogre demonstrates his ability to rap, hoping to impress]

Ogre:
My species is Ogre, And my skin is blue, And don't my momma, But I know kung fu.

Yusuke Urameshi:
Anyone care if I puke on myself?

Kurama:
Ah, you're finally awake?

Hiei:
Where am I? How long have I been out?

Kurama:
We're in the locker room, and you've been hibernating for a little over six hours.

Hiei:
Six hours? Well, who won the tournament?

Kazuma Kuwabara:
[heading into battle] In case I don't make it, take care of my cat.

Koto:
I said a moment ago that Elder Toguro had been sliced in two, but the real-life splitting must have occurred well before the sword came down. It appears he's made some kind of a clone, slipped his real self through a crack, and attacked Kuwabara from behind.

Ogre:
Smashing analysis as always, Koto, but could he maybe have a twin?

Koto:
We do background checks on all the contestants and there was no sign of that.

Ogre:
Hm. How about triplets?

Elder Toguro:
You're a very simple-minded child. It feels so nice to trick you.

Elder Toguro:
I feel the sensation of pain, but it's quite unlike yours. You see, I can move my body's vital organs wherever I please. When I see your attack coming, I simply adjust so that all you hit is flesh. It makes injuring me very complicated.

Kazuma Kuwabara:
You don't know what you're talkin' about. Genkai's just sick.

Elder Toguro:
Oh, that's perfectly sad. Your friends have been keeping secrets. Genkai's dead. She has been for two days.

Kazuma Kuwabara:
No! It can't be!

Elder Toguro:
What a sad life when your friends aren't even straight with you, but I will tell you everything about the frailty of your human kind. It's the story of a young, impressionable human girl named Genkai. She was the most beautiful girl in all the land. She was a fighter who wanted to be the very best in the world. Then she met a man named Toguro who also wanted to be the best, and he agreed to play with her. They did everything together. So much so that the man nearly forgot his own brother. The woman and the man were even in love. But then the woman became ugly like a prune and no one wanted to be around her.

Younger Toguro:
[warningly] Brother...

Elder Toguro:
[still to Kuwabara] Oh, it's okay. He's just a little anxious because this next chapter is his favorite part in the story. You see, the man became a demon who had stayed strong and'd never become a prune. The ugly woman became extremely jealous of the handsome man and went to fight him, but she wasn't strong anymore, so the man was happy to murder her.

[Finishing his story of Genkai's death]

Elder Toguro:
Muttering some final rubbish to her failed apprentice, the woman's soul drifted away to some quiet corner of Hell. We live happily ever after.

Kazuma Kuwabara:
You're honor-less!

Elder Toguro:
Yes, I am. Good thing that's not what this tournament is about.

Elder Toguro:
I think I'll just skip the search and send you straight to your death. Don't forget to tell Genkai how much we miss her.

Botan:
[to Kayko] Miss Kayko, it's so nice to meet you in my own body. I just wanted to say how great a person you are. When I saw you running through those flame to save Yusuke, I just about melted in my shoes!

Yusuke Urameshi:
[Uncut version dialog:] Get out here, Hiei! I'm gonna kick your ass!

Jaganshi Hiei:
Soon you'll have a girlfriend who's a demon and an assistant who's dead.

Jaganshi Hiei:
What happened, Spirit Detective? You weren't that fast before.

Yusuke Urameshi:
This isn't a game, Dirt Face. Keiko is my friend.

Jaganshi Hiei:
Now I see. You're a decent fighter on your own, but when your friend's on the line your strength increases greatly. You're a team player. A save-the-day superhero. I hate people like you.

Yusuke Urameshi:
See, Hiei, that's what I'm talking about. Yap yap yap, like you're some crappy pro wrestler. And then what happens? You have to eat up all your words. It's pretty dumb.

Yusuke Urameshi:
Are you okay?

Youko Kurama:
Fine. Only a minor hole in my stomach.

Jaganshi Hiei:
What happened?

Yusuke Urameshi:
Simple. I won.

Botan:
"Might?" You risked our lives on a "might?" What exactly would you have done if the Spirit Gun hadn't bounced off the mirror?

Yusuke Urameshi:
Get chopped into pieces, I guess.

Botan:
Dyih!

Youko Kurama:
Hm-mm-mm. All the while we were thinking you were a brilliant strategist. Really, you're just a lucky fool.

Yusuke Urameshi:
Hey, watch it, fox boy.

Botan:
[Observing Yusuke and Kayko] Out of all his opponents, she's the only one who beats him every time.