Around the World in 80 Days2004

Inspector Fix:
Out of me way! I used to be somebody important!

Lord Kelvin:
Should've thrown him through a higher window. [walks down to Fix and two more officers] Get rid of this buffoon!

Fix:
[fed up] Buffoon, eh? Is that the thanks I get for GOING HALFWAY AROUND THE WORLD TO STOP FOGG FOR YOU, EH?!!

[everyone gasps after hearing this]

Monique La Roche:
He also sent an evil Chinese warlord to kill Phileas Fogg!

Fix:
That's right! He did!

[Everyone gasps again]

Kelvin:
LIES! ALL OF IT!

[everyone scoffs at this]

Kelvin:
Kitchener!

Colonel Kitchener:
Yes?

Kelvin:
TELL THEM!

Kitchener:
Uh, well...the thing of it is–

Kelvin:
You mumbling moron! Salisbury, please translate Kitchener's incoherent blather.

Lord Salisbury:
I...he...I... Yes, yes.

Kelvin:
Rhodes!

Lord Rhodes:
Uh, the thing of it is, I don't want to make a fuss about it...

Kelvin:
YOU SPINELESS CRETINS!!

[Kightener, Salisbury and Rhodes are finally fed up with Kelvin's bullying nature]

Kitchener:
[steps forward] That man stuck me with quills! BUNCHES OF THEM!!

Salisbury:
YES! Lord Kelvin's a bully!

Rhodes:
It's true! I hate to admit it, but I'm a battered Lord.

[Everyone gasps again]

Kelvin:
[scoffs] Oh, boo-hoo! So what if I did try to kill Phileas Fogg? What are you gutless peons going to do about it?! I hold all the power! I run everything! So which of you halfwits is going to stop me?! You?! You?! You?!

Young girl:
The Queen!

Kelvin:
The Queen? [laughs] Oh, the Queen! That inbred, antiquated, old cow!

[Queen Victoria shows up behind him, looking unamused.]

Kelvin:
The only way she could stop me is if she sat on me! With her big, fat, royal bottom! [laughs again, then looks nervous] She's behind me, isn't she? [turns around and bows] Your Majesty, I have just apprehended the culprits who robbed the Bank of England.

Monique La Roche:
[outraged] No, majesty, no!

Inspector Fix:
[outraged] Rubbish!

[Everyone starts protesting.]

Queen Victoria:
QUIET!

[Everyone stops.]

Queen Victoria:
I love being able to do that. So, Lord Kelvin: unsportsmanlike conduct, attempted murder...trading my arsenal for Buddhas.

Kelvin:
How did you know about that?

[The Queen looks up and winks. One of Kelvin's aides, revealed to have snitched on him about his deal with General Fang, winks back and waves.]

Queen Victoria:
Admit it – you've been a very naughty boy, haven't you?

[Everyone nods while Kelvin shakes his head in fear.]

Kelvin:
Your Majesty, I assure you there is an explanation for all of this. What it was...I was...I was simply...

[runs away]

Queen Victoria:
[scoffs] Why do they always run? Arrest him!

[Kelvin runs into several Scotland Yard officers, who place him in a police wagon.]

Kelvin:
Get out of my way, you fools! UNHAND ME! DON'T YOU KNOW WHO I AM?! I'll kill you!! I'LL HAVE YOU FOR THIS, FOGG!!!

[The wagon drives away]