Horse Feathers1932

Wagstaff:
This is the first time I've been out in a canoe since I saw The American Tragedy.

Connie:
Oh, you're perfectly safe, Professor, in this boat.

Wagstaff:
I don't know. I was going to get a flat bottom but the girl at the boat house didn't have one.

Connie:
Well you know, Professor, I could go on like this, drifting and dreaming forever. What a day! Spring in the air.

Wagstaff:
Who, me? I should spring in the air and fall in the lake?

Connie:
Oh, Professor, you're full of whimsy.

Wagstaff:
Can you notice it from there? I'm always that way after I eat radishes. (he adjusts his jacket, and a piece of paper falls from his pocket into the lake; he grabs an oar and tries to pull it back)

Connie:
Oh, is that important? (tries to help him)

Wagstaff:
Is it important?! Those are the football signals! (a duck begins eating the signals, Wagstaff sits down again) Let 'em go. Luckily, I've got a duplicate set in my pocket. I always carry two of everything- this is the first time I've ever been out with one woman.

Connie:
Oh, you mean you take two girls out every time?

Wagstaff:
(nods) Particularly in an automobile- I hate to see a girl walk home alone.

Connie:
Do you know, Professor, I've never seen football signals? Do you think a little girl like me could understand them?

Wagstaff:
I think a little girl like you would understand practically anything.

Connie:
Is gweat big stwong man gonna show liddle icky baby all about the bad footbawl signals?

Wagstaff:
[startled] Was that you or the duck? 'Cause if it was you, I'm gonna finish this ride with the duck.

Connie:
If icky baby don't learn about the footbawl signals, icky baby gonna cwy.

Wagstaff:
If icky girl keep on tawking that way, big stwong man gonna kick all her teef wight down her thwoat.