Meet the Parents2000

Greg:
Oh, sh*t. How'd you get here?

Jack:
I'm everywhere, Focker.

Greg:
I didn't do anything, Jack.

Jack:
Yeah, I know.

Greg:
Well, then tell these guys that I'm not a terrorist.

Jack:
Listen, Focker. I'm not gonna tell anybody anything until you answer some questions. Unless you want to spend the next couple of years of your life in prison, you better goddamn well tell me the truth. No more lies. You understand? No more lies.

Greg:
Did you do this?

Jack:
Just answer the questions.

Greg:
Did you have me taken off of that airplane?

Jack:
Just answer the question. Put your hands over there. That's it.

[Jack hold Greg's hands by the pulse to administer a lie-detector test]

Greg:
You're sick, you know that?

Jack:
Is your name Gaylord Focker? Yes or no?

Greg:
Yes.

Jack:
Are you a male nurse?

Greg:
Yes.

Jack:
Are you a pothead?

Greg:
No.

Jack:
Have you ever smoked pot?

Greg:
Yes.

Jack:
[beat] Did you spray-paint the tail of a cat to pass him off as Mr. Jinx?

Greg:
Yes.

Jack:
And you did that because you were desperately seeking my approval?

Greg:
Yes.

Jack:
Because you love my daughter Pam?

Greg:
Yes.

Jack:
Do you wanna marry her?

[Greg doesn't answer and looks away.]

Jack:
Do you want to marry her?

Greg:
...I did...until I met you.

Jack:
What does that mean?

Greg:
I love your daughter, Jack. I love her more than anything. But frankly, sir, I'm a little terrified of being your son-in-law. This whole weekend has given me a lot of doubts about whether or not I could even survive in your family.

[Jack looks at Greg's pulse, unmoved.]

Greg:
I think you've got some serious issues.

Jack:
If I lighten up, would you consider marrying my daughter?

[Greg pulls his hands away from Jack]

Greg:
Would you lighten up a lot?

Jack:
Yeah.

Greg:
Yes or no?

Jack:
Yes.

Greg:
Would you promise to let me and Pam live our lives and not interfere all the time?

Jack:
I promise not to interfere in your lives all the time.

Greg:
Will you stop making fun of me for being a nurse?

Jack:
Could you at least try, maybe, to consider another profession?

Greg:
Jack, yes or no?

Jack:
Ever?

Greg:
No!

Jack:
[beat] Okay, yes.

Greg:
Would you let me and Pam sleep in the same room?

Jack:
[Glares at Greg] Don't push it, Focker. You're in a real mess.

[Jacks takes Greg's hands again and continues]

Jack:
If you married my daughter, would you support her in the way that she deserves to be supported?

Greg:
Yes.

Jack:
Would you be honest and faithful to her?

Greg:
Yes.

Jack:
Will you devote yourself entirely to her for the rest of your life?

Greg:
Of course.

Jack:
Gaylord Focker...

[Jack takes out a small jewelry box and shows it to Greg to find an engagement ring]

Jack:
Will you be my son-in-law?