Scream 32000

[Sarah answers the ringing phone]

Sarah:
Director's office.

Roman Bridger:
Sarah, it's Roman. I'm sorry I'm running late. I'm still on the 405. I'm about 10 minutes away.

Sarah:
Oh, it's no problem. I'm just looking at your music video awards.

Roman Bridger:
Uh, look, since I got you on the phone, let's talk about your character, okay?

Sarah:
What character? I'm Candy, the chick who gets killed second. I'm only in two scenes.

Roman Bridger:
You're not happy with your part.

Sarah:
I'm not happy that I am 35 playing a 21-year-old. I'm not happy that I have to die naked. And I'm not happy that my character is too stupid to have a gun in the house after her boyfriend's been cut into fish sticks.

Roman Bridger:
Mm-hm. Mm-hm. Great, okay. So let's run the lines.

Sarah:
Fine.

Roman Bridger:
Page 28. Candy's big moment.

Sarah:
Page 28. "Ring-ring. Hello?"

Roman Bridger:
"Hello?"

Sarah:
"Who's this?"

Roman Bridger:
"Who's this?"

Sarah:
"This is Candy. Hang on, let me get some clothes." See? I don't understand why I have to start the scene in the shower. The whole shower thing's been done. Vertigo. Hello? And I mean, my boyfriend just died. Why am I showering?

Roman Bridger:
[sighs] Why don't we just read the scene? "Candy. Nice name. Is that like Candy Cane or Candy Apple?"

Sarah:
Whatever. "Come on, who is this? I think you have the wrong number."

Roman Bridger:
"But you know my favorite name?"

Sarah:
"I'm hanging up right now."

Roman Bridger:
"It's Sarah."

Sarah:
[confused] Roman, that's not the line.

Roman Bridger:
It is in my script.

Sarah:
Has there been another goddamn rewrite? How the f*** are we supposed to learn our lines when there's a new script every 15 minutes?

Roman Bridger:
It's not just a new script. It's a new movie.

Sarah:
What? What movie?

Roman Bridger:
My movie.

[Roman's voice suddenly changes]

Phone Voice:
And it's called Sarah Gets Skewered Like a F***ing Pig! [Sarah's eyes widen] Still in character, Sarah?